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“And finally, Aaron Ziegel!” Mr. Malailah read out. The ginger boy ran up and grabbed his diploma with a yellow-ish smile. He went back to his seat on the stage and Mr. Malailah tapped the mic twice.
“Nervous much?” Michael murmured from behind Jeremy. They had to be in last-name order, but thankfully, the rows were big and there weren’t too many names between ‘H’ and ‘M’.
“Yeah, no kidding. I’m excited to hear Jenna’s speech,” Jeremy tapped his fingers on his legs incessantly. A quirk that Michael spotted.
“Your speech will be fine. If you don’t mention your furry porn collection, it can’t go badly.”
“Will our Salutatorian please come up?” Jeremy stood up like a soldier and everyone clapped or giggled at his obvious awkwardness.
A sea of parents. In the middle rows, Jeremy could spot his dad and a few cousins. A bee was floating nearby. Camera shutters were going off. Someone mentioned a school shooting joke from behind Jeremy, make that two. A few shushes, stammers, and ‘quiet downs’ could be heard for miles.
“Hi everyone,” Jeremy spoke into the mic. It was just like being in a play, right? He had to maintain the persona of a calm, collected man who was the second smartest person in the school. “My name is Jeremy Heere with two e’s, and I’m really happy to be, well, present right now.”
A small wave of chuckles. More of them came from behind, probably from Michael. Jeremy’s fingers buzzed with anticipation. Was sweat rolling down his face? Did a bug land on his arm? No, he was in robes. It was just arm hair bothering him. It was a good thing he shaved last night. Not his arm hair. Just his face.
“Usually, Salutatorians and Valedictorians highlight the best parts of their high school career,” Jeremy started. A few groans could be heard from in front and behind. “I’m no different, but there’s a lot I want to share that isn’t so pretty.”
That got a few more laughs, but they were a bit solemn in nature. How oxymoronic.
“For the first two years of my high school life, I wasn’t popular. Or well-liked. Or particularly smart. I actually got bullied more than once with crude anti-Semitic drawings on my locker, getting physically beaten up, insulted online, to my face, behind my back, yadda yadda yadda. The point is that it eventually got better. My best friend, Michael, who some of you may recognized from before helped me through it all.”
A few ‘awws’ and Jeremy looked behind to see Michael’s lip quiver, his hands over his heart, and an exaggerated sad/touched look on his face.
“Until I got to Junior year,” Jeremy continued. A few gasps and murmurs. “In Junior year, I decided that I really wanted to change my image. After taking advice from a… cousin that had stopped by, I decided to pursuit popularity along with a girl. My cousin advised that I manipulate other people, especially girls, to get more popular. And like an idiot, I listened. I abandoned my best friend multiple times, even when he was trying to get me to snap out of it. I went to a lot of parties afterwards, joined the play to get the attention of this girl, and basically abandoned my old self.”
Everyone was watching with intensity. A few looks of scorn were expected, but they still stung a little. The people behind Jeremy went quiet. Too quiet. The ringing silence buzzed like that bee from before. Jeremy looked down once, twice, three times, before looking back up.
“Then, the cousin told me that I really had to change other people, too. So, I lied to them, messed with their emotions, and acted like a real… butthole until I realized that what I was doing was wrong. That, I needed to start listening to the better voices in my head and that I needed to stop being ‘cool’ in high school. After sitting down and talking with all the people I wronged, I found that I made six new friends and got my best friend back who is now my boyfriend, too. We’ve learned to forgive each other, learned to mess around with each other with no hard feelings, and learned to just be happy without trying to be cool. That, ironically, made us cool.”
People were actually smiling. They were really enjoying this story.
“I’m living proof that everything can get better. I’ve been really happy since… the beginning of this year when I truly got everything together. Junior year was a bit of an adjustment period that I’d rather not go through again. But anyway, this year was easily the best year of my life. I did well in school, I got the lead in a play, I have wonderful friends who got me to be Prom… well, technically, Queen, since I killed it in that plastic tiara.”
More laughs as Jeremy struck a pose.
“And finally, I had Michael by my side that entire time. My friends and boyfriend have shaped me to be a better person, and I’m eternally grateful for their forgiveness, love, and willingness to tell me when I’m wrong. Coincidentally, that last thing happens a lot.”
A few more uproars of laughter. Jeremy’s face wasn’t red for once, but a bright smile was on his face.
“So, to everyone graduating with me, good luck in the future. I hope that if you didn’t have a good experience in high school that it gets better for you. I’m ecstatic to be here right now, no pun intended.” Jeremy stepped down and waved enthusiastically when he got a large round of applause.
“You didn’t crack your voice!” Michael gaped at him. Jeremy snorted and punched his arm before sitting down.
“I thought it would be wrong if I didn’t mention how much you’ve changed my life,” Jeremy murmured.
“You can’t say sappy things like that, dude. I’m going to start-” Michael sniffed loudly. “Blubbering.”
“You can blubber at our graduation, Michael.”
“Aw, Jeremy, no special mention for me?” Rich wiped away a tear.
“Wait, did you actually cry?” Jeremy let out a breathy laugh.
“Nah, nah! It’s just dust!” Rich promised. Jake from nearby gave a thumbs up and a grin.
“And now for our Valedictorian!” Mr. Malailah interrupted. Jeremy and their friends clapped the loudest, for who else would be Valedictorian besides their very own Jenna Rolan?
“Good afternoon, everyone!” Jenna grinned. “It’s a bit nerve wracking to be up here after listening to that speech. So, thanks for setting the bar high, Jeremy. I won’t forget that the next time you ask me for a favor.”
Jeremy shrugged while he and many others laughed along.
“Anyway, my high school experience wasn’t so harrowing, but I hope you guys find it interesting, regardless. Now, I’ve always been good at schoo- don’t give me that look!” She scoffed as a few people almost seemed to be scowling at her. The adults laughed more than her classmates.
“Why is Jenna my mood right now?” Chloe asked herself. She forgot she was alone because her last name separated her from literally all of her friends. How did Michael, Jeremy, and Rich get near each other? Brooke and Christine were literally one person apart, too! So unfair.
“I’ve always been pretty popular. It wasn’t until Junior year, however, that I stopped trying so hard and being so mean. Honestly, I was a bully,” Jenna confessed. “I made it my business to peak into everyone else’s business, and that definitely earned me well-deserved ire. I put a pretty decent lid on that thanks to a wonderful person named Christine Caningula, play-girl extraordinaire. I’m so much more happier with her and she shaped me to be the person I am today. She is the most kind person I’ve ever met, but she isn’t annoying, so she’s perfect for me!”
More giggles. Jeremy nodded along and held onto every single one of Jenna’s words. She was pretty good at speaking when she wanted to be.
“So, hopefully, I’ll continue to grow and I’ll hopefully turn out as a good adult, person, and hopefully, mother. Wink, wink, Caningula,” Jenna cackled. Christine’s face exploded with crimson as their classmates and the adults howled as the joke went over the kids’ heads. “It’s been a… decent time with all of you guys, and I’ll see you in ten years for our reunion! Congratulations, everyone, and good luck!" Jenna finished. Everyone clapped it up for Jenna and she proudly went back to her seat.
“Here’s to the Middleborough seniors of 2018!” Everyone stood up and threw their hats in the air. Everyone took to decorating them.
Rich decided to just dump a truckload of gold glitter on his.
Jake drew on symbols of every club he was ever a part of.
Jenna drew a few smartphones and Christine’s name in cursive.
Christine wrote down quotes from her favorite plays in musicals on her hat.
Brooke sewed on the Pink berry logo and covered her hat in glitter, too.
Chloe went traditional and just left it blank save for Brooke’s name with hearts replacing the ‘o’s’.
Michael sewed on a few patches that included: the pride patch, a Bob Marley patch, a Bob Ross patch, a Brendon Urie patch (don’t ask), the Philippines flag, and of course, the word ‘Kings.’
Jeremy had Michael help him with sewing on ‘Prom’ and by himself, Jeremy wrote his favorite Michael quotes.
‘If I have to spend another second playing Wii Fit Plus, I will throw myself out of the window.’
‘I’m not a smoking geek with a Bob Marley obsession. I’m THE smoking geek with a Bob Marley obsession.’
‘I’ve been letting Mr. P pummel my ass for a higher grade for the past three years.’
‘My active uterus says that it’s time to discharge the electricity.’
‘Shove your game cube controller down your lying hole.’
His boyfriend was such a romantic, after all.
“Hey, what were your yearbook quotes?” Michael asked after everyone was done taking pictures with a few acquaintances.
Jeremy turned a little red. “The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time,” he said. “John Lennon.”
“Jeremy, are you kidding me?” Michael deadpanned. “Why couldn’t you just use the Wayne Gretzky quote?”
Jake raised his hand, a little bit embarrassed. “I mean, you do miss a hundred percent of the shots you never take.”
“What was your fantastic quote, then?” Jeremy scoffed.
“People say being a try-hard is insulting, but sometimes, it’s hard enough to try. Just do you,” Michael shrugged.
“You thought of that on your own?” Jeremy honestly liked the quote. It was cute.
“What was your quote, Valentine?” Michael accused.
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring, Marilyn Monroe,” Chloe smirked.
“Fuck, that’s good, actually!” Jenna gaped.
“Why, what was yours?” Christine tilted her head.
“I’ve been Rolan along the right path all my life, even if there are a few bumps in the road,” she muttered.
“I was raised to be charming, not sincere, Sondheim!” Christine piped up.
“Wait, what?” Everyone else asked.
“Nothing!”
“Mine’s kind of cheesy. It’s nice to be important, but it’s important to be nice. Kermit the Frog,” Rich fessed up.
“Lmao, not me,” Michael said. He literally said ‘lmao’.
“That’s kind of cute, actually!” Brooke praised him. “Mine was a bit different.”
“What?” Chloe asked.
“Teacher, Brooke’s outfit is distracting me from learning! Said no one ever.” A sly smirk adorned her face.
Chloe moved to give Brooke a loud high-five. It made both of them flick their wrists because it burned that much.
“I still can’t believe we’re all going off to college in a few months,” Jeremy said.
“Yeah, well, we’re all going to be in the East coast, right?” Jake shrugged. “We’re never going to be that far away from each other. Rich and I are only thirty minutes away.”
“Christine is going to be three hours away!” Jenna huffed.
“Brooke and I are going to the same college, so Jeremy and Michael are the only ones who don’t have to suck it!” Chloe cackled. She looked at their smirking faces and realized that the last part of her statement would eventually be taken literally.
“So, now that we’re free from prison, can we please get something to eat?” Rich shot his hands in the air.
“Shake Shack, please!” Christine fistbumped the air. Everyone whooped and cheered as they went to their respective cars.
“It’s really over, isn’t it?” Jeremy murmured.
“Yeah, it is, but now we’ve got a new life ahead. College is a time for fresh starts and good times,” Michael grabbed Jeremy’s hands. “We’ll be together and going through college like it’s a two player game, right?”
“Right,” Jeremy responded without hesitating. “I’m a bit scared, but I know it’ll be fine. I have you, after all.”
“And all the guys. They’re only phone calls away if we want to talk,” Michael reminded him.
“Besides, this summer will be a blast. Everyone’s happy with what they’re doing, so I’m happy, too,” Jeremy sighed.
“Let’s go get something to eat, alright? Can’t have you passing out and leaving your furry drool all over my car.”
Jeremy rolled his eyes. “Are you going to add furry to everything on my body?”
“Until the day I die, yes.”
“I did agree to be with you forever, so I guess I’ll put up with it until Daveed Diggs decides he wants to sweep me off my feet,” Jeremy shrugged.
“If he’s got a foot fetish, say fuck it! Sweep me off them!” Michael quoted.
“Hey, that should’ve been your senior quote!” Jeremy suggested.
“Bo Burnham is my God, so maybe I’ll just change my Instagram caption to one of his quotes,” Michael said as he drove off.
“One of his quotes is ‘Quotes are for dumb people who can’t think of something intelligent to say on their own'. Literally,” Jeremy scoffed.
“Then, I’ll be your dumb person!” Michael shouted.
“Fine, I’ll be your anxious twink person!” Jeremy shouted back.
“What?”
“Nevermind!"
They both kept up an aura of annoyance and rage until Michael cracked first. He burst into a fit of laughter and nearly swerved into the sidewalk. Jeremy joined him and smooched Michael on the cheek.
“Here’s to a great twenty-eighteen besides the school shootings, every news headline from Florida, Trump doing almost everything wrong, and California becoming more of a shit hole as time goes on!” Michael beamed.
“Oh, don’t be like that. It’s happy over in the east coast, at least. You have me,” Jeremy promised.
“Ugh, you’re so sappy that I can’t even keep up my joking aura. I love you, snookums.”
“I love you, too, but why do you ruin every romantic moment we have?”
“Would I be me if I didn’t?”
Jeremy sighed. “No, I guess not. You being you is all you should be.”
Michael glanced at Jeremy thoughtfully for a moment. “Hey, that could’ve been your quote.”
“Oh my God, Michael, why can’t you just be NORMAL ?” Jeremy facepalmed as Michael nearly crashed again from laughing so hard.