Chapter Text
Shane awoke, to the harsh Los Angeles sun breaking through the curtains of her room. She flipped onto her stomach to hopefully fall back asleep but gave in and stretched after planting her feet on the ground. She shuffled to the kitchen, still no sight of her roommate of two years. From the counter, autumn trees displayed their brilliant gold and maroon leaves before they inevitably fell.
Shane opened the fridge to the meager food left between the two of them. Beer, almond milk, leftover spaghetti, and some random fruits and vegetables. She gave in and grabbed an orange, the carton of milk, and some celery- anything more substantial could be bought on the way to work. She loomed over the table and swiped her long hair back as she debated grabbing a plate. Settling for the bowl, Shane sliced up the fruit and drank straight from the carton. A hand came across to swipe it from her grasp.
“Seriously,” Shane scoffed, wiping the stray milk from her chin.
“Use a glass,” her roommate answered as they took a ‘Born This Way’ mug from the cabinet. “There,” they teased.
“Thanks.”
“No problemo,” Ajax chuckled, pouring some into their roommate's cup before finishing off the carton. “Hey, where’s the newspaper?”
“I didn’t get it yet.”
They shrugged and flipped on the stereo to a metal/punk station as they went to retrieve it.
“Mm, thanks, Jax. Love the emo.”
“What?” they taunted. “What’s wrong with BVB or Slipknot?” After earning an exasperated look, they offered. “Okay, how about KISS? Hanoi Rocks?” They mimicked a guitar strum with their arms and shrugged.
“Brides and SOAD, not… what is this?”
“Slipknot, Dead Memories.”
Yeah, anyway, what’s new?”
“A club’s opening in a week, a-”
“What’s the name?”
“Uh, buh buh buh… Leather Bear. Gay Club.”
“Hmph,” Shane sighed and turned off the loud music.
“Hey, not my Slipknot.”
“Fine,” she gave in and set the volume to four before flopping onto the couch.
“Ooh, The Planet’s in here… And a new Lesbian bar.”
“What’s it called?”
“HIT, owned by Kit and Helena. Says they’re opening a location so The Planet can stay a low-key artsy restaurant.”
“Good for them.”
“Il y a une belle fille. Dude, look at this piece,” they pointed out the DJ’s profile. “They really know their audience.”
“Let me see,” Shane whispered before swiping the page from the paper to look over. It was hard to tell from the poor photo quality and the time that had passed, but it looked all too much like her ex but with blonde streaks. “I think I know her.”
“Of course you do.”
“I’m gonna talk with Kit. I’ll be back.”
“Hey, can I join? Maybe she has a position for me?”
“Okay, Metalhead.”
“God,” they muttered under their breath on their way to get changed.
Shane freshened up but all she could think about was her. It’d been six years since they talked and she knew there was no way Carmen could forgive her or forget about what happened. They emerged from their room where Ajax waited patiently with their helmet tucked under their arm snacking on a granola bar which they put- unfinished- in their breast pocket.
“You ready?”
With a nod to confirm, they went out to the shed in the backyard and walked the bike to the front driveway where Shane hopped on behind them and held on once the engine turned over. They rode off through the warm morning air, weaving through the street traffic until they arrived at The Planet where they spotted Kit hard at work. They approached the counter and rapped on the white plywood.
“Hey baby girl, how you doin’?” she greeted with her wide matronly smile.
“Great, yourself?” Shane asked as Kit led them to a vacant table.
“I’m good, did you read the paper yet?”
“Yeah, congrats, by the way!”
“Thank you. Helena and I kept disagreeing about theme nights and all that, so she offered to buy that old smoke shop and turn it into a bar.”
“Great, we have two questions for you, Jax,” she signaled to them.
“Oh, I was wondering if you were hiring for HIT?” they inquired.
“We do, our bartender dropped out, so if you have your licenses and certs, you can take their job.”
“I do.”
“Then perfect timing.”
“Also, wait, can I have a moment alone with Kit?” she requested of her roommate.
“Oh, yeah. Thank you, Kit.”
“No problem, just be there by 5 and we’ll show you the ropes.”
“Great, see ya, I’ll wait outside for you,” they waved on their way out.
Once they were out of earshot, Kit asked, “Are you two?”
“No, no. I don’t sleep with my roommates anymore. Um, I wanted to ask you about the DJ, is it Carmen?”
“Shane I-”
“I was just wondering, Kit.”
“When you’re there, don’t talk to her. She gave me a strict request to not let you anywhere near her.”
“I was just wondering, okay? I didn’t want to get there and not expect her.”
“I just got her back. We just got her back.”
“I know, I know. Whenever I thought of her, it brought back so many great memories, but at this point, I’m just trying not to cry. So, sorry I asked.”
“You’re a good kid, you just made some mistakes, okay?”
Shane nodded and briefly waved as she left, but nearly ran into Alice and Tasha.
“Oh, hey,” Alice greeted. “Are you gonna sit with us?”
“No, I have to head out. Another time,” she promised.
“Hey, Kit, three coffees,” she called out.
“What, is she your servant,” Tasha piped up.
“No, but she works here and we’re regulars.”
“Fucking hell, Alice,” Shane murmured as she left to join Ajax. “Sorry, just had to ask a few things.”
“About that girl?” Ajax inquired, passing her a helmet.
“Yeah.”
“Well, you seemed very entranced by her, what’s the story?”
“We dated once and things turned into a fucking mess. Other than that, there really isn’t anything else I want to say.”
“Okay, Mysterion.”
Shane spent the next few days wondering what Carmen’s life had been like since they last spoke. Even at work, she found herself distracted by the quandary until the night came for HIT’s grand re-opening. She got cruised by nearly every person she passed as she tried to find her friends in the mess. Shane eventually found her way to the bar where she spotted Ajax chatting up some patrons while they made a drink. Getting slightly ignored by them, Shane turned and relaxed against the bar to get a better view of the establishment. At the center of the furthest wall, she saw Carmen as the main appeal of the club. She decided to solely watch her get into the groove of her mix. Her hips swayed and flicked to the bass as she transitioned to a new song.
In a moment, Shane was spotted by her. She frowned and went back to her job before switching to an EDM version of Gangnam Style and walking out from behind the turntable. She hopped down from the stage while her partner took over before getting lost in the crowd. Shane began walking into the mass of young queer people bumping, jumping, and grinding with each other. A blonde who looked in her mid-twenties tried to dance with Shane, but the latter just moved past her until she ran flat into Carmen, making her spill her drink on herself.
“Aw fuck,” Shane seethed to herself.
“Oh shit, Sorry Shane,” she apologized over the music.
“Hey, you’re the DJ?”
“Yeah, pay was too good to pass up and I missed your friends.”
“Don’t you have to work right now?”
“I gave Harley a pre-recorded mix, it’s about fifteen minutes.”
“Want to get a drink?”
“...Umm… sure, yeah,” she hesitated.
“Watch out, it’s a mosh pit.”
Carmen chuckled and followed closely behind. As they approached the bar, they found Ajax getting shamelessly flirted with by a young patron as they made her drink.
“Hey, Jax, over here,” Shane called to them.
“Hey,” they greeted, sliding the drinks to customers. “Dude, you will not believe how much peach schnapps I’ve gone through tonight. How can I help you two?” they inquired in their best customer service voice.
“Two beers, Douce Equis, please,” Shane ordered and slid some money over.
“No, it’s on the house,” Ajax placed the bottles on the bar and popped the tops. “There you go, have a good night. Oh, wait. I get a break in a half-hour if I can join you out there?”
“Okay.”
They went back to work while Shane followed Carmen through the sea of people until they got to the stage. Carmen turned around and gave her a slip of paper. “We need to talk.”
Shane silently nodded and watched her climb back on stage to switch up records. Carmen continued dancing to the music as if she hadn’t just confronted her ex and played with the crowd a little between songs to rile them up. Shane eventually went to a lone standing table to drink and watch. A few minutes passed and she finally unfolded the note and looked at the number until her phone buzzed with a text from her roommate. She slipped out of the bar to the back alley where they were smoking.
“What, you gonna fuck me in the dirty alley?” Shane jested.
Ajax held out their pack of cigarettes and waited for her to take one, which she did, and tossed over the lighter. “What’s your story?”
Shane chuckled and took a drag off the cigarette. “I almost married her, but I didn’t and we haven’t talked since. I just never thought I’d see her again and when I did, I thought maybe I had a chance to make things right, but that won’t be possible.” Silence fell between them, only the thumping house music bleeding from the building filling the air. She sighed a wisp of smoke through her lips and continued, “You know, I thought you were gonna say something witty or smart ass to make me laugh, but now you’re really bumming me out, buddy.”
“You just looked like you needed to talk about it.”
“I did,” she admitted and stomped out the remains of her cigarette. “Thanks.”
“No problem, I’ll see you at home?”
“Yeah.”
The night was nearly ruined by her own mistakes and once she sobered up, Shane went back home. She eventually entered the contact into her phone but refused to do anything with it yet until she felt ready. It was still shocking, however, that Carmen approached her at all and how smoothly she carried herself, as usual. It brought back memories of having to hide and turn down audacious offers from her cousins, but it always amazed Shane how well she composed herself in those situations.
The next morning from the kitchen, Shane heard her roommate pester, “Call her.”
“What if she doesn’t want to talk to me?”
“So you think it’s some kind of weird test?” They peeked their head into the room and added, “She gave you her number, now it’s your choice.”
“What if-”
“What if, what if, what if,” Ajax huffed now fully in the kitchen. “Call her or don’t but I’d bet she wants to talk.”
“Fine.
“Good, I’ll be back by… about eight.”
“I’ll probably head to The Planet, so text me your plan for coming home.”
“Thanks.”
“Hopefully your beer goggles weren’t too strong,” she muttered under her breath.
“Fuck you, I heard that,” they quipped back.
As her roommate left, Shane dialed up Carmen. She hesitated on the last digit before finally pressing six. She heard the phone ring for a good ten seconds before a smooth voice answered.
“Halo o hello?”
“Carmen, it’s Shane.”
“Oh, hey,” she responded with a tonal change she couldn’t quite place yet.
“So you said you needed to talk?”
“Oh, shit, yeah. We do. Look, I know that last night was fun, I enjoyed seeing you, but I was wondering, can you please not try anything on me? I just can’t take-”
“Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,” she immediately agreed. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”
“Thanks, you didn’t, I just want to set that boundary now. I’ve moved on, I’m sure you have, too. I don’t want to send you mixed signals, though.”
“Yeah, that makes sense.”
“It was nice talking with you, though.”
“Yup, bye,” she whispered into the receiver.
Carmen returned the phrase before hanging up first.
Shane placed her phone back in her pocket and went to her room to grab a pair of shades before heading out for breakfast. Shane locked everything up and drove past the familiar buildings. Bette and Tina’s old house, the skate park- which had been turned into a diner called The Red White & Blue- and HIT. She rounded the corner where The Planet stood and spotted Tsha’s bike, so she parked beside it and entered the establishment only to be greeted by Alice, Tasha, and Carmen. She stifled her frustrated sigh but not before Alice caught the look on her face. She then obnoxiously gestured and pointed at Carmen in excitement which caused her to turn around and watch Shane.
“Hey! Look who’s here!” Alice energetically announced.
Carmen combed a hand through her long black hair and nodded with a forced smile. “Hi.”
“Hey guys,” Shane greeted in her stoic yet monotonal voice.
“Okay, so Shane, you’ll never guess what happened,” their peppy friend enticed her.
“I might, but go ahead.”
“Bette and Tina are coming back for a month!”
“Oh, I would not have guessed that,” she responded sitting a bit straighter in her chair. “When are they getting here?”
“Next week. They’ll be so happy to see you again,” Alice directed at their old friend.
Carmen smiled and took a sip. “I’ll be glad, too.”
“So, Carmen, where are you staying these days?”
“My mom’s. She’s been letting me stay there since-” Carmen cut herself off and looked down at her cup in embarrassment.
“Okay, well it was nice seeing you guys,” Shane segued before going to the counter to order a cup of coffee.
Once out of range, Alice turned to Tasha, “Hey, can you get me a little pastry?”
“Anything in particular?”
“Something fruity.” She waited for her partner to reach the station and looked directly at the remaining person at the table. She let her dark eyes glaze over in judgment and began, “What was that?”
“I forgot who was in the room,” she responded bitterly.
“Just like that night at The Planet?”
“Sorry, it’s just that I couldn’t even look at another woman without thinking of her.”
“What about Papi?”
“A mistake.”
“Come on, she practically the Latina Shane.”
“I didn’t have anyone to turn to. You all were the only queer people in my life. No one else would understand or be tolerant.”
“Shane abandoned up for five months.”
Carmen gritted her teeth and responded, “Shane is irresponsible, she left me at the fucking altar.”
“Okay, calm down, I get it. Just-” she nodded as Tasha rejoined them.
“I have to go.”
Tasha moved out of her way and sat beside her girlfriend. “What was that about?”
“Nothing, thank you.”
Carmen sped home, adrenaline still pumping through every vessel. ‘Fucking Alice,’ she thought. ‘What does she know? She has friends and family who understand and accept her.’ Carmen raced through traffic, avoiding slow cars like every other driver around her. ‘All I had were straight people, Slice doesn’t get it, pinche estupida.’ Her phone rang and the screen identified a text from Shane M. Carmen sighed and picked it up, glancing a moment at the road for any cars before unlocking her phone. The text read:
“Carm, it’s Shane. I’m sorry for just leaving the planet like that. I didn’t mean to offend you, I-”
She locked her phone as angry tears formed in her eyes. Carmen didn’t understand how she could still be affected this much by her and why it still made her cry. Shane did what she always did when things felt off in any way, she left. Carmen wiped her eyes and responded:
“It’s ok. I made things awkward.’
As she sent the message, she collided with a white truck. It sent her phone flying as her head hit the airbag and her dark green beetle was crushed.
~
Shane jutted awake as her phone rang with an unfamiliar number. She answered anyway with a flick open of her phone. “Hello?”
“Is this Shane McCutcheon?” a soft voice butchered her name.
“Yes, why?”
“Okay, this is the Los Angeles Community Hospital. We would appreciate it if you came here as soon as you can.”
“Of course,” she responded.
“Thank you.”
Shane fixed herself up and jumped into her car to maneuver her way to the hospital. She received a call from Alice, which she picked up.
“Yeah, Al?”
“You sound a little on edge, you okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Great because I was wondering if you’re free.”
“Why?” Shane asked in a stressed tone.
“Just wanted to know if you and Carm wanted to come over. Tasha and I are having a housewarming thing. Your roommate, Kit, and Helena are coming, but I haven’t heard from Carmen yet.”
“Maybe, let me call you later, okay?”
“Is that a ye-”
Shane ended the call as she entered the hospital parking lot. It was nearly vacant that day, an unusual amount for her to even notice, but she was focused on spotting one she recognized. As she entered, paramedics rushed around with a redneck who had an icepack pressed against his head, a girl with a bloody nose, and a few other odd characters. Shane approached the front desk and waited for the woman to look up.
“Sorry, we’re a bit busy.”
“No, I got a call, I’m Shane McCutcheon.”
“Oh, sorry. I’ll have someone take you to the room.”
Shane nodded and sat in a chair far from the others in the lobby but was almost immediately called up. She followed the speed-walking nurse, struggling to keep up with the short man.
“What happened?” she tried to ask him.
“Your friend has you as their emergency contact.”
“Who?”
“Carmen, Carmen Morales,” he clarified.
“Is she okay?”
“Well, she was in a car accident,” he began and stopped at the door. “She’s lucky to have left with minor injuries. Just a concussion, dislocated shoulder, and some minor cuts..”
“Can I see her?” she requested.
“Yes.”
He opened the door to Carmen sitting on the exam table while a fabric held her right shoulder in place. She had been bleeding from her nose as indicated by the red stain left behind above her lip. She glanced up at Shane, but quickly averted her gaze in shame. The nurse walked past Shane to grab something to clean the fresh blood from her cuts. Once he left, Shane sat in the chair opposite of her and let the silence and shock settle.
Over five minutes passed before Carmen finally broke it. “They made me wait until you got here.”
“Sorry… Those people in the lobby, were they part of it?”
“Yeah, one girl broke her arm.”
“Oh,. is- is that it?”
“Yeah, I didn’t mean to hurt anyone,” she choked out.
“I know, they know,” she tried to assure her.
“Shane, I just want to go home. That’s all.” Carmen finally met her gaze. She didn’t earn an answer initially. “I guess we have time to talk then. You remember ri-”
“Yes, I do. I was confused,” Shane explained without breaking eye contact. She had a severe look in her eyes which stayed unwavering. I saw my Father hitting on another woman. He was doing what I do. I was afraid I would do the same exact thing to you. I just am not good enough for you.”
“Shane, I loved you with all your faults. I loved everything about you,” she tried to encourage her.
“I went to Jaffe after that and destroyed my life. I tried everything she gave me and drank like I wanted to die. I almost did, too.” She nervously scratched her wrist. “Gabriel’s ex dropped their son off with me after she knew about him and I took care of him for two months before my Father took him. I dated people and cheated on them and I met someone I cared about again, the first real one since you, but I fucked that up too, not the usual way this time,” she ruefully laughed. “That’s a whole nother story. I broke Jenny,” she finally began to crack. “And that night at Tibette’s, I tried to save her from the pool but I was too late.” Now she was barely holding back her tears.
“Jenny died with people who cared about her,” she tried to assure Shane.
“But she was alone when it happened like Dana.”
“All of you cared about her, no matter where you were.”
“Yeah,” she weakly muttered.
“After you left, I moved back in with my family. About four months later I slept with Papi.”
“That little fucker,” she laughed. “Literally.”
“I worked for the same cafe those Shebar people ran. After they closed, I worked in SF for a record store and a lezzie bar for about three years before I came back. Kit saw me at The Planet and asked if I wanted to work it as their main DJ. Obviously, I said yes.”
“I’m sorry for everything I did to you. I thought- I blame myself for everything that went wrong that year. I’m a fucking narcissist, just like my dad.”
“No you’re not,” Carmen immediately rebuffed. “Even with all of this shit, I’m glad I got to talk to you.”
“Same, I’m guessing you need a ride?”
“Yeah, they won’t release me until then.”
On cue, a new nurse walked in with her release papers which were handed over to Carmen. She thanked her and filled everything out. Once they settled her insurance, Shane pulled the car around and helped her inside, keeping the door open with her hip until Carmen was buckled in. They began in the direction of the Morales house, a route Shane didn’t need to ask for. Carmen turned on the radio and flipped to their old station.
“Alice wants to know if you’re interested in her housewarming party,” Shane suddenly informed her. “They’re moving into Tina and Bette’s old place.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,”
“Sure, I’ll go,” Carmen agreed. “When is it?”
“In, at night, I’d think.”
“That’s soon.”
“Well, they couldn’t get to you, so…”
“I get it. Should we get something, is that a thing people do?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“How about wine or beer?”
“Sounds simple enough,” Shane laughed as she pulled into the driveway. “Call me and I’ll pick you up, okay?”
“Okay, thank you by the way.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” she uneasily asked as she dreaded the question she knew was coming.
Shane studied her reaction and asked, “Do you need help getting inside?”
“Oh, no,” Carmen sighed in relief, “I’m fine.” As she went to open the door, she spotted her mother fixing Guadalupe's picture frame.
“Hola estrellita. ¿Qué pasó? ¿Estás bien?”
"Sí mamá. Acabo de recibir en a little accidente de carro."
“Did anyone get hurt?”
“Sí, lo peor fue un broken arm.”
“Y tu carro?”
“Totaled, I might need to borrow yours o recibir un viaje con mis amigas.”
“Did you cause it?”
“... Well, yes…”
“Only for emergencies then.”
“Sí mamá, gracias.”
With the help of her mom, Carmen hobbled into the house where she was immediately greeted and interrogated. She told the story multiple times before she finally got a chance to relax in her room. She flopped onto her bed, a move she immediately regretted, for an hour-long nap after which she began getting ready for the event. One warm shower later, Carmen slid on a cute mid-length red dress and sunk low in the front. She slid on a pair of black flats and looked in the mirror. Carmen shook her head and changed into a less revealing outfit consisting of shorts and a white tank top. With a nod, she applied her makeup.
As she finished up, her mom knocked on the door to announce, “Someone called you, she says she’ll pick you up in a half-hour.”
“Gracias, mama,” she answered as she opened the door.
“Where are you going?”
“To Alice’s new house. I’ll be done pronto.”
“Do you need help?”
“No gracias, how do I look?”
“Bella. Quien picking you up?”
“A friend, don’t worry, she’s my designated driver.”
“Okay… is she gay?”
“Yes, but we aren’t together,” she tried to reassure her. Carmen let the awkward silence clue her mom in on the end of their conversation. When she wouldn’t move, Carmen let out a small sigh. “Esta bien. I set boundaries with Shane, no hay bronca.”
“Cámara,” she gave in on her way back down the hallway.
Carmen finished up and spent the remaining time looking over her injuries. After a knock on the front door, Carmen bolted out before anyone else could answer it and possibly jump Shane. She was greeted by the casually dressed hairstylist twirling her keys around her finger by the carabiner.
“You look good,” Shane platonically nodded. They walked slowly to her car and she mentioned, “I got the drinks.”
“I thought-”
“That I’d make you pay after your crazy day?” She opened the door for Carmen. “I’m not that bad.”
They took the drive in silence as neither party knew how to address the other- or if they even should- so they listened to the radio. Carmen kept checking out her driver from her periphery until she inevitably decided to distract herself by watching the familiar streets in Shane’s neighborhood. It wasn’t until Shane sudden;y laughed to herself that the tension was finally released.
“What?” Carmen asked.
“Nothing.”
“Tell me.”
“Okay, I just remembered something Tibette told me before they left. They asked where I was headed.”
“Okay?”
“Well, it reminded me how much I liked being their neighbor. They were always so nice to me, like my hip moms,” she jested. “Who are also around my age.” Shane pulled into her driveway and immediately went to open Carmen’s door once she had gotten out. “Why don’t you go ahead of me, I’m gonna grab the drinks from the fridge.”
Carmen nodded and hobbled to the old Porter/Kennard house. It felt weird being there again. As she stood before the dense dark wood door, she was reminded about all of the parties and the drama. She recalled the summer pool parties and talking to them from over the low fence. She finally knocked on the door to be greeted by Alice.
“Hey!” They hugged before she finally realized Carmen had cuts, bruises, and a sling. “Woah, what happened? You get into a fight with a derby dyke?”
“No, car crash. I’m fine, my car isn’t though.”
“Oh, my god. I’m sorry about that. Well, come on in. I don’t know where the slacker is, but everyone else is here.” She moved out of the way and nearly closed the door in Shane’s face. “There you are.”
“And I brought drinks,” she huffed.
“Did you know about Carmen’s accident?”
“Yeah, public transit for a while.”
“Well, you’re the last one, so get your ass inside. Jax brought their latest whatever,” she briefed them. “Her name’s Jade. You guys want anything to drink?”
“Beer,” Shane requested.
“Same,” the other woman agreed.
Alice placed the drinks in the fridge and produced two chilled beers. “Tasha’s in one of the backrooms.”
“‘Kay, thanks,” Shane nodded and began walking through the nostalgic hall until she suddenly stopped in her tracks.
“Hey,” Carmen grumbled before seeing the look on her face. “Shane?”
“I can’t,” she murmured
“What?”
“This is where…”
“Oh.”
“Sorry, you can go ahead, I might hang out with Alice in the kitchen.”
Carmen turned her around so they were face to face, however, Shane merely looked through her as she tried to numb the flashbacks. Eventually, she turned back around and opened the door, a feigned smile immediately appearing on her face at the sight of Tasha, Ajax, and their guest sitting around a coffee table.
“Hey, guys.”
“Sup?” Ajax greeted.
“Not much, you?”
“I’m good. This is my friend, Jade.”
The new guests introduced themselves and found spots apart.
“So, I’m guessing whatever fucked you up is why you didn’t get Alice’s call?” Tasha asked.
“Yeah, little car crash.”
“Looks more than little.”
“Oh shit,” Ajax reacted. “You good?”
“I am now.”
“Is there still room for me,” Alice stated from the door frame. She squeezed in on the other side of her partner.
Shane glanced over at the door leading to the pool as the memories began to fill her head. She remembered the guttural scream when Jenny was found and the initial shock. While the others carried on their conversation, Shane slid off of the couch and walked outside. With the door closed behind her, she took a deep breath. The water was still tantalizing and now standing at its edge she couldn’t help but stare at her reflection and how it shifted her features as the slight breeze swept over the surface.
“You okay?” she heard Carmen ask.
Shane jumped a little, “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“You don’t seem fine.”
“I just remembered…” she whispered in a quivering tone. “I haven’t been over since then.”
Carmen stood by her side and placed a hand over the back of her neck, just like when they were together. Shane covered her hands with her fists before curling into Carmen who held her tightly. After a few moments, she took a few calming breaths and turned back to the pool.
“Shane, do you ever wonder what we would’ve been like?”
She shook her head and explained, “I might’ve cheated on you. I probably would have done that. Or eventually made a family with you. I don’t know.”
“I think we could have gotten through it or come up with something.”
“Really?”
“Yes. You know, at first, I might have initially been upset about the whole Jaffe thing, but in the end, I did believe you when you said ‘I love you’. That’s why it hurt so much when you left.”
“Carm.”
“No, um… please don’t.”
“No, that’s not, I wasn’t-” Shane let out a low sigh. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry. Why don’t you head back inside? I need a moment.”
Carmen stood by her side for a few minutes before ultimately dropping her hand and rejoining the group. Once she heard the door close, Shane glanced over her shoulder and meandered around the poolside until she stood in the same spot they found Jenny. She heard the door open again and close quietly. She hated being checked on as much as she wanted it, but a gentle voice greeted her this time.
“I know,” Alice simply comforted. She wrapped an arm around her waist and rested her head on her friend’s shoulder. “I was thinking about filling it in, but I really think it’ll be better if we make new memories in it, you know?” Shane nodded and went to kick the water before being stopped. “I know you can’t tell, but this thing is disgusting. We need to clean it before it gets too hot. Let’s go back inside, okay?”
“Okay, since we’re neighbors, you wanna help me cut down the hedges?” she thumbed at her house.
“Oh fuck yeah. They’re so ugly anyway.”
“Cool,” she nodded and led the way back to the group.
“So, what’s going on with you and Carmen?” she asked just as Shane reached for the door.
“Nothing.”
“Okay.”
“Really, Alice, nothing at all. It’s very platonic.” Shane opened the door to preemptively end the discussion and joined Ajax on the couch. “I thought Helena and Kit were coming?”
“Kit backed out and Helena said she was coming, but… yeah,” Tasha explained.
“Before we all die,” Alice segued, “Let’s play some games.” She opened one of the cupboards and pulled out a deck of cards and some chits while her partner changed up the music. “What do you all say to a round of poker?”
They gathered around the coffee table on their knees or at the edge of the couch cushion as they played a few hands. Slowly, the chits found their way to Tasha’s pile until it was only her and Ajax’s guest. Shane snacked on a few chips while they finished and watched as Alice struggled with setting up her gaming console.
“Anyone wanna smash?” she asked popping in a game.
“What?” Carmen laughed.
Shane immediately slid up beside her friend to snatch a controller. “Oh fuck yeah.”
Ajax grabbed another controller and handed the other to Tasha. “I’m so ready to destroy you again.”
She shoved her roommate’s face away and selected the game style and quickly swiped Sheik as their character.
“No fair,” Ajax said, selecting the same character, only changing it to the Dark Sheik.
Shane switched to Falco while everyone waited for them.
“What is this?” Carmen tried again.
Alice finally explained, “It’s a fighting game with Nintendo characters.”
They proceeded to play too many rounds late into the night. Ajax and Jade tapped out first, and Tasha passed out on the couch while the remaining three played. Carmen began to get a grasp of the controls and gameplay after her fourth round. Carmen finally put the controller to the side for Shane and Alice to play one more round before calling it.
“I’m gonna drop this one off, then we’re continuing tomorrow,” Shane informed her friend. “See you guys.” She fumbled with her keys in the dark and opened the car door for Carmen. “Did you have fun?”
“Oh yeah. I forgot how much I loved hanging out with you nerds.”
“Smash Bros. does not make us nerdy,” she protested and backed out of the driveway. “But, if we’re nerdy for playing it, then so are you. What’d you think about that?”
Carmen playfully rolled her eyes. They relaxed into the quiet drive, momentarily switching radio stations to avoid commercials. Shane pulled to the edge of Carmen’s driveway and helped her out. It was when they reached the path to the front door that an odd tension grew. Shane stopped walking, instead choosing to politely watch her from the end of the walkway. Carmen nodded in her direction before disappearing inside.