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Being the third son of a six-brother family and the only diligent, reliable and logical one out of all six had its downsides. Incidentally, it wasn’t hard to be the most reliable since the top was piece of shit that needed to die; the fourth was totally normal and loves only cats and death of everything; the fifth was crazy, makes no sense at all that you should give him a baseball bat and hope everything works out somehow; and the sixth wasn’t even human and was a parched, dried monster with no heart. Still, Choromatsu insists that even without those traits, he’s still better and the best out of all of them.
What about the second? Well…
The second is just a complete idiot. Harmless. But stupid enough he was a constant headache to Choromatsu. It’s to the point his mind did a 180 and made Choromatsu decide he had to take care of Karamatsu. There was no one else in the world that can take care of the idiot but him. If he didn’t look after Karamatsu, the idiot second would get himself killed in a couple of days. Even if someone put a leash on Karamatsu, that idiot will strangled himself with the leash for some reason and die.
If the second doesn’t, the idiot will get himself lured into a dark alley with promises of meat, candy, and treats — which was happening a couple of metres away. Choromatsu didn’t even take a deep breath and sprinted.
In an all-too-familiar process, the third raised his fist in the air and slammed it into the face of the middle-aged man reaching for his older brother’s ass.
“HNGH!?” The old man flew back and crashed against the wall. His face swollen from the violence blow, teeth broken, and blood trailing from both his nose and mouth.
Choromatsu didn’t stop. He grabbed the old man’s collar and punched three more times to be safe. Blood splattered against Choromatsu’s cheeks and a couple of teeth went flying against the concrete. By now the half-dead old man was unconscious, so Choromatsu threw the body aside. The third could let out a sigh of relief now and use wet tissues to wipe his hands and face clean of filth.
“C-C-Choromatsu…?” Karamatsu stuttered out his little brother’s name, face pale from the sudden violence.
“Ah… This person is from Nantoka area,” Choromatsu explained in a monotone and exasperated tone.
“Oh! I see now~ Heh… To think there are so many Nantokas in our Homeful Akatsuka~” The second beamed.
‘Nantoka’ area — also known as some area Choromatsu made up, which boasts a culture of punching each other as a greeting. It sounded awfully fishy. Stupid, yes.
But Karamatsu’s empty mind went to this: “Heh. There’s no way someone as responsible as Choromatsuuu~ would make such a lie like this and beat up someone. He isn’t Osomatsu for once. ...Incidentally, how do you know of this Nantoka area?”
“...Hello Work.”
“I see! What an AMAZING place to meet other Boys and Girls in the country! I’m not going though!”
“Yeah, no, go, you shitty NEET.”
Or so their exchange in the past went. Now if Choromatsu said ‘Nantoka area’, Karamatsu accepted it as some new perfect culture. Being open-hearted to new cultures is a sign of a true Guilty man, you see~? Bang!
“Buraza? Burazaaaa~?”
Karamatsu’s voice brought Choromatsu back to reality.
“Ah… Karamatsu-niisan, what are you doing here?” The third changed the subject. “Weren’t you going to play pachinko with Jyushimatsu?”
“The Goddess of Victory and Money smiled upon me!” Karamatsu let out dramatically as he spun around in the air. “Alas, it can’t be helped how my Beauty Face captures her eyes, but I felt bad if I kept winning, you see~?”
“No, I don’t really care, so could you get to the point?”
“Ah… ummm… So I won at pachinko and then came looking for you, Choromatsu.”
“Me? Why were you looking for me?” Choromatsu was slightly surprised. Knowing Karamatsu, he would have kept playing with Jyushimatsu and then try to hide his wins somehow.
Karamatsu put an understanding look on his face that border-lined on shitty annoying with glittering eyes. He placed a hand on the third’s shoulder before he opened his mouth. “You went through a horrible trial of life, did you not? That is why, me, your only dependable and reliable older brother, thought he’ll soothe the Raging Waves of your Heart…”
“Err… no, I’m not getting what you’re talking about at all.” It’s like Karamatsu left his ability to talk properly in his mother’s womb. Still, Choromatsu listened to the second with a skeptical expression.
Karamatsu’s look of understanding got even shittier. “You don’t have to hide the Truth from me, buraza… I know how traumatic it was to be forced to dye your hair in that lame, shitty brown hair colour. If it were me, I would rather die. I would even restart my life from a simple cell.”
Choromatsu bit his tongue and drank his blood.
The second swung his arm around his little brother’s shoulder and raised a fist energetically in the air. “Let us go on a Rendezvous Date, my dear Brother~! It is impossible to erase that crazy hair from our brothers, Totoko-chan, and all the people who saw on the streets’ memories but hold your head high, Choromatsu! For you did not do it out of your own free will!!”
Choromatsu felt like strangling this older brother and then follow down to hell right after.
He should have let Karamatsu follow that old man to a suspicious-looking hotel yesterday. The same old man who paid Osomatsu for Karamatsu’s whereabouts and the shitty oldest did it without one hint of guilt. But, no, Choromatsu had to beat the shit out of Osomatsu with Jyushimatsu’s bat before running out to find the second. Luckily, he found Karamatsu in the nick of time and then went to sell the old man to some random yakuza. Also, come to think of it, he couldn’t recall seeing Osomatsu this morning but was the oldest still alive? Ah, who cares .
Choromatsu tried to stop his body from turning into ash as a cheerful Karamatsu guided him down the streets.
“Eh? What’s the hell is with this store? How the hell can it even earn enough to pay for rent!? My ass hairs are going to catch on fire!!”
The sight burning his eyes made his straight-man soul explode in fury, so Choromatsu shouted at the top of his lungs. Not even wanting to die and get plastic surgery can stop his fury toward this monstrosity.
“This is my favourite store, buraza!” Karamatsu explained enthusiastically. “It is truly befitting of a Guilty Guy, don’t you think? Hmmm~?”
If Guilty Guy meant extremely painful then, yes, Choromatsu would agree. The said store window had a mannequin dressed with a Mohawk wig, leather jacket, net shirt, and pants that were made sorely out of belts . At the side, one could spot mannequins dressed up in the Razor Ramon Hard Gay fashion, which struck fear in Choromatsu’s heart when he thought about Karamatsu walking around in public like that. There were also skulls, sparkling blue chains, and black feathers dangling from the ceiling.
Ah, it was extremely Karamatsu-like. So Karamatsu-like that it was incomprehensible as to why the store hasn’t been destroyed yet.
Cold sweat spilled down Choromatsu’s forehead. They weren’t… going into that store right? Right?
“Heh… You are speechless in the presence of the utmost Beauty and Coolness of this store, yes? I understand very well~! But never fear, my dear buraza, we will not be going into this Sinful Store today.”
“Eh? We’re not?” Choromatsu asked flabbergasted. “But you like this kind of store don’t you?” If Karamatsu insisted then there’s no stopping him, the third thought.
“Non, non, Choromatsu. Considering how lame and Not-Cool-At-All way you dress, merely one article of clothing from that Sinful Store will send your pure, frail heart into a cardiac arrest.”
“Hey, what the hell do you mean by that?” A vein popped on Choromatsu’s temple when he realized his shitty older brother dissed him.
“Thus we are going to that clothing store across the street! It is level up Cooler than your Looks and lame fashion style, so they will improve!”
“Let me tell you, my fashion style is way better than yours, Shittymatsu!”
“Here we go~!”
But as Choromatsu was way too lenient on his shitty older brother, he lets himself get dragged to a normal clothing department store. If the third squints, he might spot one or two outfits Todomatsu would buy. The whole floor was filled with clothing after clothing of all shapes, sizes, and colour. There were stairs leading up to a second floor, which Choromatsu could only imagine even more clothing selection.
“In the first place, a large clothing store like this is based on quantity and not quality. Don’t even get me started on the lack of customer service. Plus, these kinds of shirts are the ones that you can only put in the washing machine a few times. It’s a complete waste of mon—” Choromatsu rambled on his biased beliefs until Karamatsu interrupted him.
“How about this, Choromatsu? It is lacking something but I can easily sew your face on it for you,” the second said as he took a hanger with a green shirt that looked like the sleeves were violently torn off.
“Yeah, no, that’s definitely a defective product! Put it back!”
“Eh…” Karamatsu, discouraged, placed it back.
Choromatsu felt slightly guilty and crossed his arms to change the subject fast. “In the first place, just because my image colour is green doesn’t mean I want to wear green all the time.”
“T-Then would you prefer pink like Totty?” The second pulled out the exact shirt, just pink.
Choromatsu’s eye twitched. Why the hell was there more of that defective product. “No, that’s not my point. I don’t want pink — and put that disgusting red back down!!”
“Eh……” Karamatsu didn’t get it at all and reached his hand for purple next.
The third quickly decided that getting Karamatsu’s empty head to understand was too much work. “Haa… You know what, let’s go with green.”
The second immediately brightened. “So the colour green has stolen your heart away like I thought! You don’t have to lie about it, Choromatsu~”
“Yeah, yeah, get away from those ridiculous shirts already and find something better, Karamatsu.”
“Hmmm~?”
Choromatsu wasn’t sure how long they were in the clothing store. It was mostly him rejecting Karamatsu’s well-intended recommendations and salvaging the normal choices. No matter how pitiful Karamatsu looked when he got rejected, the third had to turn his heart into a demon. People’s lives were at stake.
In the end, Choromatsu tried out a new white shirt, green checkered shirt left unbuttoned over top, and khaki pants. In a mere whim, he rolled his sleeves like Karamatsu did all the time.
“Sorry to keep you waiting, brother. The main character of the show has arrived~!”
Karamatsu dramatically pushed the curtains away to reveal the exact same outfit Choromatsu was wearing, just his checkered shirt was blue…
And his pants were mini shorts — the kind that a (shameless, according to Choromatsu) teenage girl would wear. They were tight and showed how toned and naked Karamatsu’s thighs are. His thighs shone under the light and beckoned people to touch it and leave marks. Also, because of its short length, Karamatsu’s butt checks partially showed, so it can’t be helped the guy from the next changing room stared super intensely.
Needless to say, Choromatsu shoved a finger into each of the changing room guy’s eyes in fury.
“AHHHH!?”
“Forget every fucking thing you saw or I’ll rip your **** and **** it ** ****!!” The third yelled much profanity while punching twice for good measure and shoving the body back into its designated changing room.
“C-Choromatsu…?”
“Karamatsu, change into the pants I picked for you,” the third gritted. “Shorts like that are type of clothing that you can only wear around me in our 4-room, living, dining, and with kitchen house, door locked from everyone and with the curtains down. Got it?!”
“Y-Yes!” Karamatsu answered timidly, not understanding a single thing his little brother said. Still, he understood ‘the change into different pants’-part to meekly turn back into the changing room.
It took a few minutes before the second son came out wearing normal khaki pants Choromatsu approved. When Karamatsu wasn’t wearing his unique and fashion disaster clothing, he looked like a handsome young man. Although Choromatsu wasn’t sure about the whole ‘manliness’ Karamatsu was aiming for; however, if he had to, he could stare at Karamatsu forever. The thought of staring at their other brothers, with the same faces, forever made Choromatsu want to puke though.
“Good, now let’s go to the cashier and pay and get out of here before they find the body.”
“B-Body…” Karamatsu felt afraid for some reason. But, but, surely, the unconscious Boy was from Nantoka area. There was surely no way that Choromatsu would beat up someone without a good reason. “Oh, Choromatsu, I have money from pachinko…”
“What the heck are you talking about, Karamatsu-niisan,” Choromatsu scolded. “This is a date, right? Then obviously it’s me who will pay.”
“Eh…? Is that how it works? B-But I’m the one who is supposed to soothe Choromatsu’s Oh Sad Heart …”
“Shut up and let me pay.”
“Ah, yes sir...”
Choromatsu quickly paid at the cashier and guided his stupid older brother outside. The feel of the soft wind and blue skies in the air let the third sigh in relief.
When he turned to glance over at his brother, the second was smiling happily, likely oblivious of everything.
“Why are you so happy?” Choromatsu asked.
“Hm? Ah, it’s nothing big,” Karamatsu replied shyly. “Right now, I am dressed in pair look with Choromatsu. How could I not be happy~?”
“Pair look…” Now that Karamatsu mentioned it, they were certainly doing something a normie couple would. Choromatsu’s cheeks flushed pink; he turned to look away to hide it. “The six of us wear matching clothing all the time. It’s nothing new or big.”
“But it’s different to have a pair look with our personal clothing,” Karamatsu pointed out, not discouraged.
“...You’re seriously embarrassing sometimes…” Choromatsu grumbled before he grabbed Karamatsu’s hand. “Come on. There’s still some time before we need to go home for dinner, so let’s take a walk. You know, like a proper date.”
“...! An Excellent idea, my buraza~!”
In thirty minutes, Choromatsu decided that a walk was the worst idea ever in the world.
Case in point:
“Haa… haaa… Haaa… E-Excuse me… could you give me directions…?”
“Hmm~? Yes, this Karamatsu will guide you to wherever your Heart sings! Also, are you not hot wearing a long trench coat in the summer…?”
“Haa… Y-Yes… Haa… I’m hot… could you help me unbutton this—”
“FUCKING DIE!!!”
And one must not also forget:
“Hey, you there, you have a great body.”
“Oh~? You have Eyes of Truth to notice how my Guilty, sinful body shines with VENUS BEAUTY!”
“Venus…? Right, right, something like that. I was wondering if you would like to become a star. You will be the main protagonist.”
“A star…!?”
“All you have to do is take off your clot—”
“WE ARE NOT FUCKING INTERESTED.”
Each time Choromatsu takes his eyes off of the second son, some strange man would call out to Karamatsu. Unfortunately, Karamatsu seemed to have dropped his ability to sense danger somewhere and it crawled away. How was this idiot still alive?
Now, Choromatsu knows quite well Karamatsu was a grown man and should be able to take care of himself to some extent… except the third doubts himself every single day. He had no choice but to hold Karamatsu’s hand like his older brother was a child… The way flowers seemed to be happily popping out of Karamatsu’s head didn’t help Choromatsu’s impression on the second either.
“Hehe~ I get to hold hands with Choromatsu~”
“Shut up and look ahead of you properly before you trip!”
As painful as it is to see two grown men with the same faces holding hands like this in public, Choromatsu argued that he had no choice at all. And it did make Karamatsu happy, so there really wasn’t any.
‘P-Plus this is a date — it’s a perfectly normal thing to do on one!’
It was still too early to go home but talking walk was dangerous at the moment then…
The third spotted a crepe stand and thought why not.
“Karamatsu-niisan, what kind of crepe do you want?”
“Heh. I am glad you asked, Choromatsu~ There is only one crepe made for me. That is, filled with brave warrior solitude—”
“Sausage and egg is fine with you, right?” Choromatsu interrupted.
“Y-Yeah… I feel like something savoury today…”
Since this was a date, Choromatsu got his wallet to pay for the crepes again even if Karamatsu was waving his wallet and posing with it dramatically in the background. The third ordered matcha chocolate crepe since it was green and he made sure Karamatsu lined up with him and not wander away.
Both of them had a crepe in their hand as they sat down on a bench, which faced a large water fountain that brought the temperature in the area down. Choromatsu sighed, thinking about how peaceful the world suddenly became without weird men nearby.
“How has it been going lately for you, Karamatsu-niisan?” He spoke out, trying to make small talk.
The second’s eyes widened. “Me?”
“Who else is here right now. You have things you want to talk about don’t you?” Choromatsu asked again.
After all, at times Karamatsu can go on barely speaking unless spoken to for a long time. It’s not like it’s anyone’s fault either, Choromatsu thinks. It is like things Karamatsu wanted to talk about, things that aren’t important, and things that are actually important and should be spoken about were all categorized wrong in the second’s head. Choromatsu can’t count the amount of times that Karamatsu casually drops a bomb in the middle of a conversation and gave him a heart attack. In that aspect, Karamatsu and Todomatsu were similar, he thought.
Thus Choromatsu took it as his duty to listen to Karamatsu ramble about random things with one ear and capture any important vocabulary with his other.
Thankfully, it was summer and since Karamatsu loved summer, the second was generally more upbeat and eager to talk. When summer ended, well...
“Oh~ You are interested in your Cool older brother, I see~ It is quite a burden to be so admired by my little brother like this~ Wowowow~”
“Shut up and spit everything out.”
“I-If I shut up, I won’t be able to spit anything out…?”
The two of them ate their crepes as Karamatsu rambled about the most unimportant things while Choromatsu pointed everything wrong and stupid.
“The other day, I went to embark on a journey to cover The World with my love and arms… Yes, that is right, it is Free Hug Time!” Karamatsu spread his arms in the air and then hugged his own body.
“Ha? Free hugs? That’s one of the most useless things in the world. You won’t be able to build any communication skills like people say you can. And forget about giving other people comfort or something. In the first place, the only type of person people want to get a hug from is a girl and when you are a guy and do that, you’ll get arrested for sexual harassment. It’s the shittiest,” Choromatsu spat out, ignoring he once said he would do free hugs too.
“There were several Karamatsu Boys that came to receive comfort from my God Bless arms~”
“Ha? Okay, you’re not allowed to give free hugs ever again. If you really want to, I have to be there with you. What the hell were you going to do if they ask you to give free hugs in some dirty washroom in the park!?”
“I met Ichimatsu in the middle but when I offered him a free hug, he combusted in fire for some reason… I wonder why he does that a lot…” Karamatsu mumbled in deep thought.
“Ichimatsu? Don’t worry about him. He does that a lot, doesn’t he? I don’t really get him either,” Choromatsu pointed out. He didn’t want to be left alone with Ichimatsu in a room again.
They finished their crepes long ago, and as the sky darkened, Karamatsu grew quieter and quieter. When the world dyed in orange and red with the sun setting, the second finally stopped talking. Choromatsu didn’t think the silence between them was awkward or anything. If anything, it was inevitable since they have lived with each other all their lives. There was only so much they can talk about, especially with how much time they spent with each other and their other brothers. ...Totty was a special case.
“It’s almost time for dinner, so let’s go home before the rest of those guys eat our share,” Choromatsu announced, getting up from the bench. “......Karamatsu?” He called out his older brother’s name when he didn’t hear an answer back.
“...........” The second stared at the setting sun without emotion on his face.
“Karamatsu? Is something wrong?” Choromatsu called out again with concern.
“...No, nothing is wrong, buraza~” Karamatsu answered this time, with a light tone. Immediately, his eyes softened like he was gazing at something precious. “...I was just thinking that the sunset was beautiful.”
‘Do you really think it is beautiful?’ — However, Choromatsu swallowed down those words.
“...? Beautiful? Isn’t it more like normal?” Choromatsu raised an eyebrow. He gazed at the sunset too, but all he saw was a normal one. It wasn’t particularly beautiful in his opinion since he could see figures of buildings in the distance. A beautiful one would be one out in nature without city life, or so Choromatsu guessed.
“I see… so this is normal, huh,” Karamatsu spoke to himself as he continued to look at the sun.
The third questioned the meaning of ‘beautiful’ that came out of his older brother’s mouth. After all, Karamatsu may have his eyes turned toward the setting sun, it didn’t seem like he was staring at it at all. Even if Karamatsu was looking at something and thought it was precious, Choromatsu didn’t know what the ‘something’ was at all, or if it really was about the setting sun.
Still, whatever it is, it’s better if Karamatsu doesn’t think. At all. When Karamatsu does, he always thinks about the weirdest things. Clearly, this stupid older brother of his should leave all the thinking to him, since he was much, much smarter.
“If anything, it’s too bright for my eyes and I don’t like it all that much,” Choromatsu added. Things that were too bright and eye blinding reminded him of his self-consciousness and Todomatsu’s. He didn’t want to go through that embarrassing experience again. Karamatsu’s self-consciousness that was transparent and calm shade of blue was much more beautiful.
The third grabbed Karamatsu’s hand and pulled his older brother. “Come on, let’s go home.”
Karamatsu stared blankly up at Choromatsu before he made batted his eyes and made a shitty annoying expression. “Heh… Yes, we must since I heard from Mommy that tonight is karaage! Doesn’t that excite your heart, Buraza~!
“Make sure you eat vegetables too,” the third retorted as he pulled Karamatsu with him to the road home. “You can’t just eat meat all the time. No, I don’t care if you’re a carnivorous meat who eats his meat wrapped in more meat.”
“I can hear the calling of Meat even from here, buraza~!” Karamatsu let out in delight.
“Don’t talk too much while you walk or you’ll bite your tongue,” the third told his idiotic older brother, not amused.
“Hmm~? Then Choromatsu, wouldn’t you bite your tongue as well since you are talking just as much of me?” Karamatsu pointed, looking quite satisfied with his quip.
Choromatsu rolled his eyes before stopping. The second nearly walked right into his little brother if it wasn’t for the fact he stopped right in time too. Karamatsu stared right into Choromatsu’s eyes — belatedly realizing his lips were covered by his little brother’s in a kiss. Choromatsu placed his hand behind Karamatsu’s head and closed the small distance between them.
The touch only lasted for a couple seconds until Karamatsu cried in pain. “Ow!”
Choromatsu used his tongue to spread open Karamatsu’s lips to bite the second’s tongue. “See? It’s like I told you. Your tongue will get bitten,” the third points out after he licks his lips with a smirk.
“Eh…? Eh? Hmmm?”
Karamatsu’s brain wasn’t able to comprehend what happened at all. Luckily for him, his totally reliable and kind little brother took him back home safely.
As Choromatsu gazed at their home where their other brothers and parents were living, he decided he definitely needed to move out. There was no privacy in that house after all. He’s going to a proper job at a good company, buy an apartment, and take Karamatsu with him since, well, who else was there but him who could look after Karamatsu properly?
‘A green apron would look great on Karamatsu,’ Choromatsu thought lightly.
“Hmmmmm~??” Meanwhile, Karamatsu continued to tilt his head in confusion, unaware of a single thing.
It was just another ordinary day for the two where Choromatsu’s dream of a domestic life with his older brother may or may not come true.