Work Text:
It was John Steinbeck that said “If it is right, it happens—the main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.” Sometimes she thinks he doesn’t know what the hell he was talking about! Her love life seems more like what Oscar Wilde said that “The heart was made to be broken.” Little did she know that what started out with loving Josh and fake dating Peter turned more like what James Baldwin said “Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.”
Lara Jean was a big reader, but James Baldwin wasn’t someone she read about ever, she was googling for a class and came across him surprised that he was apparently classed as one of the 20th century's greatest writers, because he broke new literary ground with the exploration of racial and social issues in his many works. He was especially known for his essays on the black experience in America and although Lara Jean wasn’t black she got everything Baldwin wrote she was half Korean she got the racial stuff.
Yet it wasn’t his exploration of racial and social issues in the twentieth century that struck a chord in her heart it was his view on love.
Her relationship with Peter was not real it wasn’t a battle, it wasn’t war and it certainly didn’t make her grow up until suddenly without her knowing it was.
She couldn’t tell you the exact moment she fell in love with Peter, he annoyed her nine times out of ten and she seriously questioned her tastes back when she wrote him that stupid letter but somewhere between him giving her rides to school every day and having popcorn fights with Kitty she fell and she fell hard for the most popular boy in school, the most popular boy in school that everyone already thought was her boyfriend but actually was in love with Gen and was just using the fake relationship to drive her crazy.
She could tell it was love when the voice in her head that told her stuff that used to be Josh’s voice suddenly turned to Peter, she could tell it was love when she woke up at 4 am in a cold sweat after a nightmare where she’d seen him die in a horrendous car crash and couldn’t stop the sobs escaping her until Kitty climbed in her bed and sang the Korean lullaby there mother used to sing to them and since she’d died Margot had taken up singing.
The exhausted Kitty fell back asleep, but she couldn’t get back to sleep.
She decided in the three hours or staring at her ceiling before her alarm went off she had to stop the pretend relationship it was obviously hurting her, and Peter was never going to want anyone other than Gen.
So, when he picked them up for school asking her what was wrong because she looked exhausted she just shook her head and smiled she couldn’t do it, not in front of kitty.
They pulled into the parking lot and kitty rushed inside to make her early morning breakfast club meeting and as Peter goes to leave she reaches over the car and grabs his arm pulling him back inside his bright beaming smile and eyebrows quirk in her direction.
“Me and you this is over,” She tells him her words leaving her in a rush.
“What?”
“I can’t do this anymore, it’s starting to hurt, watching you fight for Gen when I want…” She trails off what does she want? Peter? A relationship with him? She doesn’t want Josh anymore that’s for certain.
“You want what?” Peter asks her his eyes locked in her’s the flecks of gold shining brighter than she’s ever seen them.
“I want a person that loves me” is the only thing that she can say.
“You’re an idiot Lara Jean” Peter calls her he rips open the centre console of the car before slipping out of his car rushing away to the Lacrosse field for the Super early Monday morning team practice.
Her eyes track his steps for a solid two minutes watching his teammates high five him and talk to him about something, Peter’s eyes travel back to his car every few seconds looking for her or looking to see if she’d left his car open probably.
Her eyes finally look into the centre console of his car as she reaches for the cup holder to get her bottle of water she see’s hundreds and hundreds of tiny white notes all haphazardly folded up all of them have Peter’s handwriting on and when she takes a handful out she’s shocked to see each and every one of them was addressed to her.
What shocks her more are the stuff the notes say.
“You’re the reason I smile in the mornings, knowing as soon as I’ve got a shower I’ll be picking you up and seeing you again”
“I have waited so long for the perfect girl and my patience has finally paid off, I was an idiot for not seeing it sooner”
“My boyfriends a Lacrosse player and all’s I got was this crappy note” This one makes her snort with laughter.
The two notes that really make her chest ache just from reading are “Ohhh, sexy girlfriend!... Bonzai!” and “That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call 'em something else”
Sixteen candles is her all-time favourite film and she knows for a fact they didn’t get a chance to watch it enough for Peter to remember those quotes, the night had delved into popcorn and pillow fights then cleaning the house and messing it up again by building a pillow fort, so he must have watched it again for her, because it was her favourite film.
She doesn’t know how the hell she gets there but the coach is blowing the whistle screaming at her as she marches up the field dead centre nearly bowling players over in her haste to get to the other side of the filed to the goalie.
“Lara Jean, what the hell are you doing?” Peter questions looking from her to the coach taking off his helmet, the coach is marching over to them.
“It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything,” She says by way of reply.
He smiles a wide smile rolling his eyes “You know the first rule of fight Club Covey”
“It should be to tell your fake boyfriend that you for real love them” She answers without missing a beat.
“if that’s the case then the second rule should be to tell your fake girlfriend you actually love them too” He smirks walking forward she hopes it’s to kiss her, she officially unrevokes the kissing ban.
“You’ve got detention, get off my field” the coach screams making her jump nearly butting Peter in the face “and you Kavinsky you’re on equipment cleaning duty for the next two weeks” he screams.
“What the hell it’s worth it” Peter smiles leaning forward capturing Lara Jean's lips in his own.
Neither of them cared the lacrosse team was clapping them, nobody cared about the coach screaming at them to unlock lips, but both of them cared that what started out as a messed-up arrangement had turned into something that both of them didn’t know they needed.