Chapter Text
Levi had never been sure on why he had thought what he did when he was younger, but he had always been sure of one thing- that he was a he, and he didn’t understand why his mind didn’t match his body.
When he was younger, sometimes his mother would tell him bed time stories, and he always remembered the one she told him about the spirit of a woman whose children had been kidnapped and swapped at birth, and so she did the same to pregnant mothers when their children were still in the womb- a mother would have all the signs that their child would be born a girl, or a boy, yet despite all odds they would come out the opposite. Sometimes, they would be born as expected, but when they were old enough to communicate it, they’d claim to be the opposite sex. Sometimes, Levi thought that woman had cursed him.
He’d been born in the body of a girl, but had the mind of a boy. Despite all the physical wrongs, he knew he was a boy.
Growing up, he violently avoided anything feminine- he refused to keep his hair long, and when his mother persuaded him to do so for a while (God, he wanted to see her smile, even if it meant forcing himself to grow his hair out for a while) he ended up cutting it all off himself. His mother had been sad, but she’d kissed his forehead and cleaned the hair cut for him and said the shorter style suited him better.
She’d even said ‘him,’ as if she knew. Maybe she did.
Exercising, other than being a necessary to surviving in the Underground, helped him feel more masculine too, and made his body look more masculine.
In his whole time in the Underground, only five people ever truly knew about his wrong body- his mother, Isabel, Farlan, Kenny Ackerman, and another man who he’d blocked from his mind, even if he still crept into his nightmares, morphed into the shadows by his bed in the dark.
His mother and him had never spoken about it, and he almost wished they had- but she’d called him ‘him’, and when he told her his name was Levi, she said it suited him well, and that was that. Isabel and Farlan had been surprised at first, but appreciated their trust in them and knew what to say when it was a particularly bad day in that area. Kenny Ackerman had found out despite his best efforts to hide it- Levi was sure he knew since the beginning anyway, but enjoyed seeing Levi dance to hide it- and while he’d occasionally tease or mock him about it, he at least acknowledged him as a guy and tended not to say anything about it. Hell, even if Kenny was a monster in almost every way, it was the fact he was defensive when anyone tried to call Levi anything other than his name or ‘him’ that made him a monster in almost every way. Not that he’d forgive him for everything else he had done.
The fifth man found out through rumours and then force, and that was all Levi needed to think about.
Now, though, he was out of that dreaded place, and only two other people knew. He already trusted them with his life, and should his body’s difference with his mind prove a problem in any situation somehow, he supposed some smart and trustworthy people might need to know. He told Hange first. Even if she was a crazy idiot, and she’d been uncomfortably curious in it, she zipped her lips and was there for him when he needed the help.
Then was telling Erwin, which was more nerve-wracking than he’d expected, and he wasn’t sure why (he was, deep down, but that wasn’t important.)
Erwin hadn’t seen it as any sort of problem, thankfully for him, and he’d proven to actually have amazing advice and be good at comforting him without getting on his short or defensive temper. Of course, what else would he expect from Erwin, though.
Nobody else knew, and he intended to keep it that way. Being older both helped and hindered him- he knew how to handle it, and even Hange had been doing research into hormones since he’d told her and while it had been a hit or miss, she had a few breakthroughs here and there, but none had been stable enough to be permanent- enough to make his voice deep (he was thankful it had always been pretty deep naturally) and enough to give him more masculine features where they’d previously been more feminine. So, while it was easier in some ways as an adult, it wasn’t when he also grew as an adult in places he’d rather not. Once again, though, Hange proved to be a saint- she scolded him for his dangerous binding methods and taught him a safer way to do so.
God, he owned Hange a lot.
So yes- while none of the people who knew about his secret, including himself, knew what it technically was, or why that had happened to him, it was relatively fine. He could trust a few people if he ever needed help surrounding that, he had someone who looked into ways of helping him get the physical body he should have, and there was no risk of it being used against him again.
As of late, he’d been coping with it worse again. There were days it weighed down on him more, made him feel hopeless and detest the misfortune he had to be born like this. He’d slept in the binder Hange had made for him because he couldn’t bring himself to take it off, even if he knew he’d regret it quickly and even more so if Hange or Erwin found out and went on a lecture about his health. Even so, he didn’t care, and he ignored the way his ribs ached and how he couldn’t take a sharp, deep inhale.
They’d been planning their next venture out of the walls and the day was slowly approaching- every day was busier than the last, preparing the horses, preparing the carts, their routes, their teams and signals. There was the usual energy of excitement and nerves that always accompanied each mission throughout the corps, people fiddling and whispering more, dedicating more time to training, loitering around their horse as if to check they were still fit to be ridden out. If he hadn’t been so used to this, the anxiety would have gotten to Levi, too, but he’d long since resigned himself to just accept and face whatever happened outside of the walls when it happened, and to trust their safety measures and trust between his men and women. There was no point in worrying about it. Whatever happened would happen, and he couldn’t deal with something that wasn’t even happening yet.
At this time, most people were still asleep, and those who weren’t were the ones who took night shifts to guards the corps- it was common knowledge that the corps weren’t everyones favourite, be it the publics or the kings’. There was quiet chatter in the large common room, the night shift doctors and nurses playing a game of cards over cups of coffee and at ease with one another, but he knew they were more than ready to leap to their feet to help in any emergency.
Once of the doctors made eye contact with him when he lingered passed the door, and gave an obedient nod and smile to him. He returned it with the smallest nod and a quirk of his lips, before he carried on his way outside.
While Levi maintained the attitude that he was cold and uncaring, that he was strictly professional with his soldiers, it was, for the most part, completely untrue. He wasn’t keen to become best friends with many of them- he wasn’t keen to become friends with anyone, but the occasional person snuck under his skin despite his best tries (Isabel and Farlan had been the first, and that had ended well for them, hadn’t it. And the fifth person who knew his secret had gotten close enough to lower his guard around him, and that hadn’t ended well either. It was only a matter of time before something horrible happened to Hange or Erwin and it would be his fault undoubtedly- No.) but just because of that, it didn’t mean he did not care for them.
He would always care for them. He would always feel a wave of responsibility and love for the people he fought besides when he saw them like this- at three in the morning with their friends, happy. He would slay whatever slew them, and he’d hold their bloody hands and tell them to relax now, that they’ve done so so good. He would always have their emblems in his drawers with their names on the back, and he wouldn’t let their memory die if it was the only thing he could give them now.
Outside the air was cold, sending a chill through his bones and nipping his exposed skin, and it helped wake him up, sharpen his senses as he blinked rapidly, letting out a breath. He crossed the dark expanse of grass crunching under his boot and towards the stables, where most horses stood with their heads hung, resting, only to blink and flick their ears in his direction when he came close.
Sticking her head out of one of the stalls was Fenrir, Levi’s moody mare, who greeted him with a quiet nicker and leaned towards him when he came close.
Fenrir was a tricky horse who matched Levi perfectly- and Fenrir tended to only obey Levi. The last person who had tried to work with Fenrir before Levi had only reported the amount of bruises they received after being thrown off or kicked countless times, and even bitten a few times. Even other scouts were afraid of getting close to Fenrir again after being on the receiving end of her hoof.
Even Levi had dealt with the stubborn horse when they first got her. When no one else wanted to have her- few could even get close enough to mount her, and they never stayed on for long- it was Levi’s turn to try and tame the beast. When the horse first threw off Levi, the scouts watching snickered behind their palms, but the captain being thrown about by a horse became less funny and more awe-striking when some would stay up, watching Levi sit outside her stable for hours at night to simply get her used to his presence, and then continuously pick himself off the ground, calm her down, and get back on, even if by the end of a week he was covered in bruises and the circles under his eyes were darker. In the end, Fenrir stopped bucking and charging at him, stopped kicking out or tearing his clothes, and since then Fenrir seemed to almost have grown respect for Levi, as well as the scouts who’d watched the captain refuse to give up on the horse.
Levi’s hand ran through her mane, his other hand resting on her muzzle as she jerked her head into his hand, demanding his affection.
“You wouldn’t think you’re so desperate for attention and affection when you, quite literally, kick everyone away,” Levi muttered to his horse, leaning down to grab one of the brushes to begin brushing through her mane, and then her tail, before switching brushes when suitable and brushing over her entire body, talking quietly to her as he went.
She was a good animal, Fenrir, and he’d be sad to see the day one of them parted. Hopefully, he thought, without any titans to blame. Fenrir didn’t deserve that.
He spent a while there, with Fenrir. Brushing over her body and checking her hoofs and shoes and teeth and treating her to a sugar cube from the little tub they had. When he did eventually leave and head back inside, people were beginning to get up- granted, it was only half five, and all the younger scouts would still be sleeping until seven at least.
The doctors and nurses he had seen previously were now sitting in the large dining hall with the first servings of breakfast, and Levi’s stomach quietly grumbled in agreement at the sight and smell of freshly cooked food. With a tight frown, Levi took a deep breath- and winced. One hand ran over his side, over his tender ribs, and he sighed. He knew he’d regret wearing the binder for longer than he should, but, again, he couldn’t bring himself to care.
Still, he wandered towards the back where there was a window from the kitchen to the dining hall and the smell of food, eggs, and bacon was the strongest. The cooks, Athelia and Connell, were there and greeted him cheerfully, passing over a warm plate of food.
“Coffee or tea, sir?” Athelia asked, flicking a dark curl over her shoulder and leaning on a counter on the table, one hand holding an empty mug.
Levi accepted the plate, enjoying the warmth that seeped into his hands from it, before looking up through his eyelashes. “Tea,” he said with a nod, “and wash that mug again first,” he requested, but kept his tone softer, his tongue clicking and eyes flicking to the side.
Athelia simply smiled at him and nodded, heading towards the sink. “No problem, sir,” she hummed, and Connell silently reached for a tea infuser while she cleaned the mug. He waited in comfortable silence until she handed the (now clean-er) mug of tea over to him, and he nodded his thanks before slowly making his way to a chair and sitting down.
He had only just began picking at his food, moving it around the plate and cutting it up into smaller pieces and mainly just nibbling on a piece of toast, when another plate and mug of strong-smelling coffee set down on the table next to him, and Erwin sat down with a small thud next to him.
“Sleep well?” Erwin asked him, and Levi’s eyes flickered briefly to the blonde. He tipped his head to the side.
“I didn’t sleep horribly,” he chose to respond with, swallowing down a tiny piece of toast. Erwin shrugged, offering a small smile.
“Better than no sleep at all,” he said, before reaching for his coffee, and Levi’s lips quirked upwards briefly.
“I suppose so,” he murmured, and set the toast down on his plate, opting for his tea.
“What work am I doing today, then?” Levi asked, lips gracing the rim of the mug, and Erwin raised his eyebrows in acknowledgement, swallowing his coffee and lowering the mug.
“Well, now we’re mostly just waiting to leave at this rate. It’s just a case of preparing everybody and sorting any paperwork within the corps before we leave,” Erwin said, “and I’d like to think I can trust you to fill your day usefully. There’s more training going on today, if you’re in the mood to see how everyone’s doing with their combat, or even to join in. Hange’s probably more than willing to find some experiment to put you through,” Erwin shrugged, and Levi snorted.
“She has files of experiments we could participate in for her,” he muttered sarcastically, shaking his head minutely and stretching his legs out under the table.
“At least she’s on our side,” Erwin joked around a mouthful of bacon, and Levi smirked slightly.
“Thank God.” He let his eyes slip closed for a few moments, feeling the little toast he’d eaten and the warm tea settle in his stomach, and he ripped off another section of toast to nibble slowly on. “I’m sure I’ll find something more interesting than your paperwork,” he added, and Erwin scoffed.
“Someone has to do it,” he stated, and Levi shrugged.
“Thankfully, you,” Levi stated sarcastically. With a sigh, he pushed his plate away from him, opting to nurse his tea between his hands instead, tipping his head down.
“I wouldn’t trust anyone else to fill the reports out. You would have been an exception, if your language wasn’t blasphemous in a formal report,” Erwin snorted, and Levi rolled his eyes.
“I just keep it very real, Erwin,” he stated, pursing his lips. After they’d gotten a complaint due to Levi’s reports Erwin had started proof-reading everything. His reports always ended up in a mess of Erwin’s red ink scratching out Levi’s curses or ‘immature’ wording before it got sent off and got them in trouble.
“You don’t need to include the word ‘fuck’ every other word, Levi,” Erwin said, raising his eyebrows.
Levi tsk-ed, shaking his head in disappointment. “Only the uneducated wouldn’t,” he said, and with a final sip of his tea, he rose swiftly to his feet, picking up his plate and turning away.
“Are you not going to eat?” Erwin asked, cocking his head to the side slightly. Levi scoffed quietly under his breath, lips flicking down briefly as he glanced away, shifting his weight from foot to foot.
“Later,” he simply said with a shrug, and he continued on to set the dishes on a table by the side to be cleaned later, before weaving between tables that had slowly been filling with more people.
He ignored Erwin’s gaze that followed him as he made his way out of the dining hall, face impassive and hands by his side.
He still had time to kill before everyone was awake and the corps was busy once more and he could occupy himself with the new corps, watching them spar and giving secret tips to Arlert when he got frustrated at not being the strongest (he needed to learn that he should stop forcing himself to be stronger, but start working more strategically to make up for it instead. It always worked much better for him than the brute force he tried to force himself to have, anyway.)
(And plus, seeing Arlert’s face light up when he took Levi’s advice- tried a strategic move, a new hold or pin or flip or to trick Yeager, and Yeager’s face in response, was worth it.)
He began making his way to his office, intending to spend some of his free time by cleaning or organising it should his office need it, when a hand darted to his side, resting on his upper arm.
Immediately, he whipped around, one hand gripping the one on his arm in an inescapable grip around its wrist, his other arm wrenching away and moving to press against the persons windpipe but he stopped just in time when he processed Hange’s sheepish expression.
“Fucksake, shitty glasses. How many times have I told you not to do that?” He snapped, taking a moment before releasing her hand and stepping back. He forced himself to take a deep breath despite the protest in his ribs.
Hange just continued her apologetic grin. “Sorry, Levi,” she said, ducking her gaze, “but you were walking pretty fast and what kind of person would I be if I didn’t give my captain a good morning greeting?” She asked rhetorically. Levi responded with a scoff, folding his arms across his chest.
“A better one,” he snorted, “now, what do you want then?” He asked, raising his eyebrows expectantly.
Hange’s mouth dropped open, one hand falling onto her chest. “Why must you assume I want something, captain?” She gasped, but a sly smile made its way onto her lips and she reached out once more, albeit more slowly, and took his wrist when he didn’t make a move to protest against her touch. She guided him towards the door she’d lunged out from to surprise him- into her lab- and shut the heavy door behind them.
Dropping his wrist, she locked the door and scurried over to one of the dark tables covered in clutter. There were petri dishes collected on the table, and undoubtedly countless more in the cooler in the corner, and Hange ran past the microscopes to reach a large, leather bound journal splayed open. She scooped it up and scurried back to where Levi stood, one hand on a table, eyes wandering around the room.
There were pin boards covering the walls, all of them full of paper that linked together by red string. There were detailed sketches of titans and their biology, and boards dedicated to Yeager Titan, the Armoured Titan, and the Colossal Titan, research into their biology and physiology specifically (though the armoured and colossal titans had significantly less information about them, for obvious reasons.)
Hange may be crazy, but she was a damn genius, and not even Levi would deny that.
“Concerning the next outing,” Hange said, dropping the heavy book onto the table with a loud thud. Levi moved his hand away before the book could crush it. “And the whole, uh, real mission thing behind it-“ Levi cocked an eyebrow at her “oh, what’s that for- of course I’ve been told what we’re actually doing, Levi. Erwin actually trusts me-“ Levi scoffed. “Alright, captain, my captain, I annoyed him enough that he told me. Did you really think I’d accept the shitty excuse of team building?”
“Anyway, this is also a major opportunity to get in some titan research- including Eren, as well as some more, y’know, exploration, history,” she said, a slow grin growing on her lips.
Levi tilted his head slightly, letting out a sigh and crossing his arms over his chest, lips twitching.
“If you’re trying to alter the mission, then you should be talking to Erwin, not me,” he stated, but Hange was quick to shake her head and hand, humming in protest.
“No, no- I’m not done!” She pushed, “I’m just saying- think about it! We’ve all been talking more about- well, you know- and who knows what’ll happen with that. We might not have a chance for a while- or at all- to get some research like this again!” Hange said.
Levi’s eyes flicked to the floor, the stain on the floor by his feet, and then back up.
“You’re trusting a lot on there to be an opportunity while we’re out there, Hange,” he stated, pushing himself off the table he’d been leaning against, “and that, most likely, won’t happen,” he said, and watched her deflate for a moment before continuing, “but, you know that I’m as interested in this shit as you are. So, we’ll see what happens. Unless it’ll get us killed, I’ll vouch for you,” he shrugged, and dropped his hands to his side.
“Now, are we done here? Because you really made this seem much more important than it actually was,” he muttered, taking a few steps towards the door.
“Nope!” Hange grinned, immediately perking up once more and putting a hand on his shoulder to stop him from walking away. “I’ve been doing more research just for you, félagi,” she grinned. Levi’s eyes narrowed slightly, but he ducked his head in a subtle nod for her to continue.
Hange turned her attention to the book she’d brought over, pointing at the page she had it open on. “Nothing physical is done yet, but it hopefully will be by tomorrow!” She exclaimed, her eyes flicking over to the equipment around the room.
Levi’s eyebrows raised and he walked back to the table, leaning forwards. The book was a mess of notes and perfectly portrayed Hange’s thought process, but he couldn’t help the way his heart beat picked up slightly as he read. His eyes flicked between the book and Hange, who grinned proudly at him.
“Of course there’s the possibility that it won’t work, or it’ll have consequences or something, but I trust my intellect enough to not do that to you,” Hange grinned, and Levi took a moment to compose himself. Still, his lips twitched upwards and his eyes betrayed him as he said “I don’t care. I’ll try it when it’s ready.”
Hange clapped her hands together, bouncing on her feet. “Great! I’ve tried to fix all the faults that happened the last time, so hopefully there won’t be any of those problems from last time,” she said with a sheepish grin, before reaching out to poke his side.
“But is there any other things I should know?” Hange asked with a raised brow, and Levi pursed his lips, looking away.
“Like what?” He asked with a scoff.
“Don’t play dumb, Levi, unless you want me to start calling you that,” Hange said, poking her tongue out.
Levi rolled his eyes with a sigh. “Nothing new, nothing old,” he shrugged.
“You know, Erwin wants me to start doing little health check-ups on you,” Hange told him, and Levi snorted.
“Of course he does,” he said, shaking his head.
“He has a point. Especially concerning your careless habits. Keep it up and Erwin thinks you’re gonna ruin your ribs or something,” she mused.
“I can still breathe, thank you very much. And until you find a permanent solution to that problem, I’m still binding,” he stated dismissively, waving a hand. With that, he turned around and began walking towards the door.
“Of course, Captain Levi Sir!” Hange barked, and Levi could hear her foot make a small thud on the ground as she stamped it down. When he risked a quick glance back at her over his shoulder, he saw her standing to attention, saluting with a cheesy grin.
“Shut up, four eyes,” he snorted, rolling his eyes and turning back to the door. Hange snickered behind him, and as he unlocked the heavy doors and stepped out, he could hear her already scurrying about her lab once more.
Levi lingered in the hallway, lips parted slightly and hands resting loosely by his sides. One hand travelled up, coming to a rest on his chest where he could feel his heart beating against his ribcage, and his fingers flexed over his chest. God, he owed Hange.
He wasn’t sure how long he spent, standing in that hallway and staring at the wall in deep thought, but he snapped out of it and composed himself at the sounds of sudden chatter and footsteps coming his way. Mentally, he cursed himself for letting his guard down like that.
He pushed himself off the wall he’d been leaning against, ran a hand through his hair, and then began taking a few steps down the hallway. Rounding the corner came the source of the sudden chatter, and they paused at the sight of Levi.
“Good morning Captain Levi, sir!” Armin stammered hesitantly, dropping their previous conversation. Eren and Mikasa, too, both stood up straighter to greet him. Levi raised an eyebrow slightly.
“Have you had breakfast?” He asked, gaze flitting over each person. Mikasa tipped her head in a nod, and Eren spoke up, one hand resting over his stomach.
“Just came from it!” He confirmed, a small grin growing on his face.
“Good.” Levi nodded, shifted on the spot and glanced away briefly. “Spar practice today. Tell everyone else to be outside in ten minutes,” he told them, watching as Eren and Armins eyes widened slightly, before they nodded obediently.
“Yes sir!” Eren nodded, and just as quickly as they’d approached, they turned around again, heading down the corridor and towards the mess hall swiftly. Mikasa lingered for a moment, gaze on Levi, before she followed the boys more calmly. Levi’s lips twitched into a brief smirk, before he began to make his way leisurely outside, hands stuffed into his pockets.
Outside was lively- people running around the stables, a few horses being led about (he didn’t miss how one person ducked out of Fenrir’s reach as she stuck her head out towards them, teeth bared and barely missing grabbing their jacket.) Some people were already sparring, and people from the 104th were slowly gathering in a group, chatting amongst themselves.
Levi waited until he could see the entire group was gathered and waiting before he walked over. The chatter stopped when he reached the cadets, their attention turning to him as they stood straight.
“I’m assuming you’ve been told what’s happening,” he started. His eyes trailed over each person, his hands clasped behind his back. “So,” he raised his eyebrows, tipping his head forewords slightly, “pair up and get started.”
Immediately, they did so, pairing up with their friends and finding an open space. People hesitated for a moment, talking to each other about how they would go about the sparring, before starting.
Levi wandered between them, watching them spar with an occasional sigh or shake of his head. They tried, at least, but he was just happy that titans didn’t use close combat. They’d really be screwed if that were the case.
Levi came to a stop by the side of where Mikasa, Eren, and Armin stood. Eren was standing to the side, holding his wrist gingerly while he pushed a nervous looking Armin to stand in front of Mikasa. Curious, Levi stayed to watch the two.
It went about as well as everyone expected. It ended quickly with Armin pinned under Mikasa, who remained her impassive expression, holding Armin down for a moment longer before letting him go and offering him a hand when she stood.
Before Mikasa could swap out with Eren, Levi stepped in. “Ackerman, Arlert- again,” he said, much to Armin’s obvious displeasure.
“Sir- do we- I have to?” Armin asked hesitantly, one hand rubbing his wrist gently.
“Yup,” Levi responded with a shrug. With a small huff, Armin nodded, taking his place once more opposite from Mikasa.
As they started, Levi’s eyes narrowed, scrutinizing each move. Everyone knew Mikasa was an excellent fighter- he had yet to see any one take her down unless she let them- and everyone knew that Armin was incredibly smart. Levi pursed his lips as he watched Armin swing for Mikasa, and for her to duck and grab his wrist, her other hand pulling around to go for the point by Armin’s ear.
Instead, Levi intercepted it, grabbing her fist before she could get the point. Signalling with his other hand, she dropped Armin’s and stepped back.
Levi took a step to Armin, clapping his hand down on his shoulder and leaning to his ear.
“I can see you getting worked up, Arlert. Stop. You might not have the strength Ackerman possesses, but you make up for it with brains. Stop and think,” he said in a quiet, low voice, before he stepped back.
Armin watched Levi for a moment, slack-jawed, before tightly closing it, tight lipped, and nodded, a determined glint appearing in his eyes.
He turned back to Mikasa, and at Levi’s nod, they both restart. Armin seems to have forgotten Levi’s words, but after a moment, he can see Armin thinking- anticipating and predicting Mikasa’s moves, and moving accordingly.
Levi felt the corners of his lips twitch upwards ever so slightly at the improvements he could already see just by playing to his strengths, rather than his weaknesses.
Even if, in the end, Mikasa still ended the match by pinning Armin, it had lasted significantly longer than the previous match.
“Good job, Arlert,” Levi praised, and Armin lit up at the simple praise, mouth silently moving for a moment.
“Th-thank you, captain!” He responded, bowing his head.
Levi turned his gaze to Eren, raising an eyebrow and gesturing to step forwards. Eren hesitated, but stepped forwards and in front Armin after another gesture from Levi.
Once again, Levi watched this match silently. It was interesting to watch this one- Armin acting more strategically now, but against Eren’s unpredictable and wild actions. It was a good match nonetheless, though Levi mentally noted to himself to spar with Eren himself and teach the kid a thing or two about controlled movements.
As the boys heaved themselves to their feet, dusting off themselves, Levi walked to Mikasa. “You’re an exceptional fighter, Ackerman,” Levi stated, rolling his sleeves up. He cocked his head to the side as he watched Mikasa reign in her shocked expression. “Come on then,” he said with a small smirk, readying himself into a fighting stance, followed by Mikasa after she composed herself and nodded.
Mikasa was fast and precise, calculated and well-rounded. Levi couldn’t remember the last time a cadet had shown so much skill- if any had. She was extremely promising, and Levi sincerely hoped that he’d have time to perfect her skills with her.
As they sparred, people began to gather around. It wasn’t often the cadets, or anyone, got to see a lot of the higher-ups sparring, and when they did it was usually short lived- Erwin pinning a new cadet down within a minute, Levi flipping someone within seconds. So, to be able to watch a match with higher-ups that lasted more than forty-seven seconds was extremely entertaining to everyone.
Levi could feel when he began to breathe heavier- his lungs expanding with no room to do so, and unable to get the air they required into them. He supposed that this was the karma for sleeping in the binder overnight, but he’d sparred- fought for his life- in worse conditions. Albeit, none of them with a restrictive band around his ribs.
He narrowly missed a punch from Mikasa, ducking a moment before it would have come in contact with him, and saw the way her eyes narrowed at his slow reaction, the way his breath shuddered unevenly and sharply.
“Close one, Mikasa!” Someone in the crowd that had formed to watch them yelled, and there were sharp intakes of breaths and encouraging cheers and claps.
Each strafe, duck, and attack wore on Levi’s ribs, and it almost felt like his ribs were getting tighter, constricting his lungs more, and he had to force the logical side of himself to outweigh the growing panic at the idea that he couldn’t breathe, that the gasps he took for breath would grow into hyperventilation if he didn’t calm it down.
His cheeks flushed slightly, and he feinted to the right, pulling his left fist through with it. Mikasa startled slightly in the way her eyes widened, but she ducked under his fist, using Levi’s own momentum to throw him off balance. He had expected it, though, and used it to his advantage.
He spun and grabbed Mikasa’s wrist, deciding that the match had gone on for too long, and he pulled her with him, and in a moment they found themselves on the ground, Levi pinning Mikasa’s legs down and successfully pinning one of her arms down under her back, and Mikasa with one hand grasping the collar of Levi’s shirt, ready to attempt to flip their position. Then, she let her hand fall and relaxed, and Levi did so too.
He heaved himself to his feet, and offered a hand to Mikasa, which she took with a breathy “thank you”. He dusted himself off, looked at the ground as his lungs burned and the ground warped for a moment, his brain protesting against the lack of oxygen.
When he snapped back to, Mikasa was politely offering a hand, her own chest rising and falling heavily as she caught her breath. She looked slightly concerned until Levi composed himself and shook her hand, lips twitching upwards. “Good match, Ackerman,” he said.
“Not too bad yourself, captain,” Mikasa said, a mischievous glint to her eyes. The people around tensed.
Levi snorted, tipping his head back. “I’d like to think so,” he replied, offering her an amused smirk. He turned to look at everyone else, rolling his eyes at the dumbfounded looks on their faces.
“Well? Get back to sparring, brats,” he said, and everyone immediately jumped, returning to their positions with their partners. Turning back to Mikasa, he nodded approvingly. “Keep up the good work, Ackerman,” he said.
Mikasa bowed her head in a nod, and Levi gestured dismissively. “Go again- and Arlert, remember- think,” he said, fixing the blonde with a stern gaze until he nodded and promised to do just that. Then he turned, and walked slowly between the sparring cadets. As he relaxed further, he slowly regained his breath, though his ribs still ached fiercely. Levi wished he could just tear off his shirt and binder, reveal a perfectly flat chest, and not care about it. But he couldn’t, and that alone made him ball his hands into fists, short nails digging into the palms of his hands.
He’d talk to Hange. Promise to single-handedly capture however many fucking titans she wanted if she came up with the surgery that could give him what he needed as soon as possible.
Levi blinked slowly, looking up as footsteps approached him, and straightened his posture.
“How are they?” Erwin asked, narrowed eyes flitting around the sparring cadets.
“Getting better. Yeager still has a horrendously short temper and doesn’t predict anything. I’ve told Arlert to play to his strengths, and he’s improved significantly already. Ackerman is still exceptional, her skills just need to be broadened and refined,” Levi informed, eyes briefly going back to the interesting trio.
“Everyone also seems to be improving steadily. Leonhart seems promising,” he said, though his voice dropped at the last sentence. He sought out the blonde girl, who was working with Braun and Hoover.
Erwin nodded in acknowledgement, pursing his lips while one hand scratched along his jaw. “Good,” he uttered, before turning to Levi again. His gaze studied up and down the short man, as if he were searching for something, and Levi frowned, shifting on the spot and narrowing his eyes.
“My eyes are up here, Erwin,” he said defensively, crossing his arms over his chest.
“I’m aware,” Erwin retorted sarcastically, “how is everything going, Levi? I can hear you breathing,” he stated.
Levi’s eyes flicked to the side, his lips pursing. “Mikasa is a good fighter. I guess I’m still catching my breath,” he responded with disinterest.
Erwin raced an eyebrow sceptically. Then, he nudged his side with his elbow, and when Levi’s expression tightened and he stepped aside, Erwin sighed
“How long have you been wearing it?” He asked in hardly above a whisper.
“As long as I need to,” Levi replied icily, his fingers tightening on his arms. He knew Erwin tried to support him, tried to understand him, and did all he could to help him, but he knew Erwin wouldn’t be able to understand why he did something that was dangerous and painful to himself, willingly.
Erwin sighed, but he held himself back from saying whatever he was about to, and he nodded.
“Go rest, Levi. Take it off and sleep, I’ll have your lunch brought to you. I’ve had to push the date earlier, and we’re leaving early tomorrow,” Erwin said, turning to face him more.
Levi’s eyebrows raised. “I should be helping preparations, then,” he stated firmly, though when Erwin rested a hand on his shoulder, he didn’t push it off.
“You can do that after dinner if you must, but I can’t let you do that now if you’re going to strain yourself. And if it becomes a risk, I won’t be able to bring you tomorrow. Don’t make me make that an order, Levi,” he said, but he kept his voice soft in the way that made Levi want to hit him because he could hardly resist that tone.
“Fine. But I’ll still be helping with preparations later,” Levi stated firmly, and Erwin smiled.
“Of course.”
With a final glance at Erwin, Levi tipped his head slightly and turned on heel, heading back to the large building where his room was.