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Chapter Text

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Kakashi has been retired for less than six months when he decides to go on vacation. At least, ‘vacation’ is the word he uses to describe it when he tells Gai about his trip. It certainly had nothing to do with Kakashi needing to run from the pervasive feeling of failure that pressed against his back. From watching his former students splinter and break as they fell deep into the self-destructive ruts so common to shinobi who grew too strong too young. Kakashi knew he was a coward, that he was trying to escape from his problems, that he should stay and help his students find their true Nindo again, but…

Six months. Kakashi had been Team Seven’s Jounin sensei for only six months. Foreign Shinobi had more of an impact on their lives than Kakashi had. They were more the Sannin’s students than Kakashi’s, at this point. What had Kakashi managed to teach them, after all? Tree walking, a single assassination jutsu, and how to run away while the people around you died.

What could Kakashi possibly say to fix what life as a shinobi had broken? Especially when he had never managed to fix himself.

So Kakashi goes on a long overdue vacation, hoping to escape the depressive miasma of dying hope that lay heavy over Konoha’s ninja forces.

To continue with his reoccurring theme of self-destruction, Kakashi headed towards Wave with vague ideas of visiting the bridge. Somehow Kakashi finds himself standing on the shores of Uzushio, whirlpools at his back and crumbling ruins at his front. A haunting image of what Konoha would have become after Pein’s attack if Naruto had failed to pull off the miracle that had begun his rise to fame.

Picking his way through the rubble, Kakashi strives to ignore his own thoughts. (Naruto as he was now… he would never be able to reach Nagato’s heart…)

The center of Uzushio is a giant Uzumaki spiral, and Kakashi ambles along the lines, amusing himself by following the inwards curve like a child until he reaches the end. At the very center of the spiral, where all the lines of the crest converge, Kakashi stops walking. Looking around at the destruction, already mostly reclaimed by nature, Kakashi sighs and has to close his eyes.

Good things never last.

Friends betray you. Lovers die. Precious bonds wither away.

The sunlight against his upturned face grew stronger, and Kakashi carefully opened his eyes just enough peer through the screen of his lashes. The lines of the Uzumaki spiral were glowing, fizzing and sparking as the vines and roots covering the rest of the seal snapped in half like elastic stretched too far.

“Ah.” Kakashi felt his eyebrow twitch as he realized that he could not move his feet. He was stuck in place as the light grew brighter and the lines of the seal started to shift in a way that was somewhat concerning. “How typical.”

Chakra rose, whipping up in a waterspout, a hurricane, a maelstrom of light and fury. The rubble was flattened by the pressure, and Kakashi felt his body flung away.

/…/

Kakashi was very lost.

Kakashi was also approximately thirteen to fifteen years old again, which was somewhat more troubling. Especially since Kakashi had woken up alone in a rough camp far from any landmarks, without any of his gear, wearing clothes that fit but did not actually belong to him. A quick check of his scars confirmed what Kakashi was afraid of. The souvenirs left by a lifetime of combat were completely unfamiliar, proving that Kakashi was in a different body entirely and not just de-aged. (Like there was ‘just’ anything about losing thirty years and change of muscle memory and training.)

Mind churning furiously, Kakashi packed everything in the camp up and then hesitated. There was no guarantee that this would work, but… he needed to know for certain. With a grimace, Kakashi steeled himself and bit his thumb. “Kuchiyose no jutsu!”

The relief Kakashi felt when Pakkun and the rest of the pack appeared could not be conveyed in words. Pakkun looked Kakashi up and down with one of the most judgemental looks Kakashi had ever seen on the pug’s wrinkled face. “What the hell did you get into this time, Boss?

“Maa, well…” Kakashi winced and picked up the pack of what was presumably his things. “My vacation plans got waylaid, a little bit.”

/…/

Kakashi really should have known better than to make a habit of getting drunk while wearing a Oiroke form, but he had earned a lifetime of breaks. It was easier to seduce men when he had breasts, and so breasts he wore. The less effort he had to spend on getting laid the better. A few rounds of the paint-thinner that passed for good sake in the back alley establishment Kakashi had chosen served to settle his nerves. Then once the slight fuzziness had cushioned his mind Kakashi could start looking around for someone to entertain himself with tonight.

(That he was planning to be male again by morning was a given. Drunken hook-ups always made the best faces when they realized that they had slept with another man. It was almost enough to warm Kakashi cold dead heart.)

The Uchiha that had walked into the dockside bar looked an unsettling amount like Sasuke, but there were enough differences to easily set them apart. The man’s chakra though… Kakashi could not help but be drawn the echo of how Obito had felt at the end of it all, just before he faded away for good to join Rin in the Pure Lands. Grinning cheerfully under his mask, Kakashi slid into the seat beside the pretty Uchiha with Obito’s chakra and shamelessly started to flirt.

His ears were turning red! It was adorable.

/…/

Kakashi was starting to think that he should have paid more attention after the Fourth War when Naruto was still willing to babble about meeting the Sage and what he had been told about the Cycle of Transmigration. Or at the very least, Kakashi should have questioned Orochimaru more closely on what the man had learned about human souls during his experiments with the Cursed Seal and the Edo Tensei.

“Your kenjutsu is amazing.” Seeing Obito’s starry-eyed admiration on not-Sasuke’s face was disconcerting.

“You again?” Kakashi blinked and shook the blood off his sword, casting his senses out to make sure that all his enemies were dead. There were more Uchiha lurking in the trees nearby, but Kakashi ignored them for now in favour of his admirer. “Are you following me?”

“Yes, sorry!” Apparently the leader of his group, the Uchiha leaned in. “My name’s Izuna! What’s yours, gorgeous?”

“Maa…” Kakashi blinked, recognizing the name, and forlornly realized that he was quite a bit further back in the timeline than he had initially thought. No wonder he had never been questioned about being a missing nin. The Villages were still just a fanciful dream at this point.

If Izuna was still alive, then Uchiha Madara was still as sane as an Uchiha with the Makengyou could be. If Izuna was alive, then Senju Hashirama was still petitioning his childhood friend to build Konoha together. If Izuna was still alive, then the Uchiha and the Senju were still at war. If Izuna was alive, then Kakashi was damned lucky not to have gotten caught up in any of the frequent dramas born in the Warring Clans Era.

Lucky, lucky him.

Kakashi had no idea which ancestor of his he had replaced when his soul was shunted back an incarnation, so there was no possible way for him to even try to keep the timeline intact at this point. Just existing here with his memories of a possible future meant Kakashi was going to change history as he knew it. There was opportunity to be seized here, and since Kakashi had apparently attracted the admiration of Uchiha Madara’s beloved younger brother…

The next few years were going to be interesting.

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Chapter Text

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(Izuna is living his best life right now.)

When the gorgeous woman with silver-white hair, eyes dark enough to pass for an Uchiha, and sword calluses on her hands slid into the seat beside him, Izuna nearly dropped his drink. She was, to repeat, gorgeous and Izuna was only a poor mortal man.

Izuna was also mortified by the squeak in his voice when he tried to respond to her flirtations.

Burying his face in his hands in despair had the dual benefit of both hiding his blush and giving Izuna the opportunity to run a quick check for genjutsu or henge with a flicker of the sharingan. Thank all the kami, she was exactly as she appeared to be.

Unsticking his tongue from the roof of his mouth, Izuna dropped his hands and grinned. Manfully ignoring the way his ears were still burning and the amusement dancing in dark eyes, Izuna lifted the still mostly full sake bottle he had purchased on entering the bar. “Can I offer you a drink?”

“Maa, we can start with the drink.” Her smile was stronger in her eyes than on her lips. Izuna found himself unable to look away from the subtle curve of her mouth and the sharp glint of fangs. “After that? Who knows~♥...”

/.../

The pounding in his head as he struggled awake let Izuna know exactlyhow doomed he was. Madara was going to kill him for drinking that much while alone on a mission. Cracking open his eyes at the sound of movement, Izuna barely managed to activate the sharingan in response to the hand seal his current bedmate formed.

Chakra surged, there was a burst of steam, and the woman Izuna had spent the night with was a man. Izuna blinked, frozen halfway to his weapon pouch and gaping. His sharigan was active. He was well aware that body was no illusion. It was a full physical transformation from female to male.

How?! The thought pounded against the walls of Izuna’s aching skull. That’s not how henge works!

“Maa, I had a lovely time, Uchiha-kun.” The unfairly gorgeous man winked as he shimmied the last of his clothes into place. “Perhaps we’ll meet up again sometime~♥.”

Blowing the still stunned Izuna a kiss, the other shinobi tugged a cloth mask up over his lower face and disappeared out the window.

Blinking rapidly as he tried to restart his brain, Izuna slowly collapsed back down into the thoroughly rumpled bedsheets with a confused whimper. Hoooooow?

/.../

The bandits that Izuna’s team had been hired to take out had already been killed, which was irritating.

Then sunlight glinted off of silver hair and the irritation vanished like the gleaming tanto blade had struck it down.

Recognizing the lean figure taking out the last thug without looking, sleekly muscled arm curving through an elegant backswing, Izuna felt the foolish grin form on his face. The Uchiha Heir nearly laughed out loud regardless of his training as glee surged behind his breastbone. It was her- him- they! Kami, Izuna had no idea how to address them but they were still the most beautiful person Izuna had ever seen even dressed in a shapeless travelling cloak and surrounded by bloody viscera.

Ignoring Hikaku’s hissed warning, Izuna signaled for the rest of his team to stay back as he fearlessly approached the beautiful stranger who had stolen his heart. “Your kenjutsu is amazing.”

“You again?” Wary dark eyes turned to examine Izuna as a graceful twist flung most of the blood off the blade the wandering shinobi was holding. The other ninja’s nose and eyebrows scrunched adorably as the sluggish breeze stirred up the stench of recent death and Izuna had to resist the urge to coo. Sweeping his mystery lover up into his arms to carry them away from the messy roadside clearing was probably a bit too abrupt for the beginning of a courtship. Izuna firmly reminded himself about Madara’s lessons on planning for a long-term mission and skipped closer to the charming silver-haired beauty. Thankfully, said beauty looked more bemused than concerned to have the Uchiha Clan Heir’s attention. “Are you following me?”

“Yes, sorry!” Not that he was really sorry, but Izuna could pretend in order to be polite. Daring to lean closer when the other shinobi made no aggressive moves, Izuna put on his most endearing smile. “My name’s Izuna! What’s yours, gorgeous?”

“Maa...” The other shinobi blinked, and Izuna was distracted by the pretty glimmer of silver eyelashes. Izuna was close enough now to see tiny flecks of silver and ruby the sun brought out in the iron black depths of the other ninja’s eyes. It was so, so pretty.

“Like stars...” Izuna murmured, completely enchanted. “You’ve got stars in your eyes.”

To Izuna’s utter delight, the target of his affections went pink in the face and coughed awkwardly. “Um.”

“Won’t you give me your name, gorgeous?” Pouting, Izuna dared to step even closer and lightly rested a hand on a narrow hip, mourning the existence of the ugly travel gear that disguised the slender body he had spent a very memorable night exploring with his mouth. Perhaps Izuna would get the chance to explore the male version of his one-night lover with as much dedication as he had enjoyed the female? Goal kept firmly in mind, Izuna tilted his head and tried to suppress the sparks of glee that erupted when there was no objection to his nearness. “Pretty please?”

“... Kakashi.” Quick as lightning, mischief flashed in those pretty, night-sky eyes. Pale fingers hooked in the dark fabric of the face mask, their other hand sliding along Izuna’s jaw. Soft lips brushed against the tip of his nose, a distracting flash of a wolfish smile, and Izuna was left standing empty armed as Kakashi danced backwards. The mask was back in place and the rogue ninja gave a cheeky little wave to the Uchiha watching the perimeter before blowing a final kiss Izuna’s way. “You can keep the bounties, Izuna-kun~♥, ja ne!”

Kakashi had completely disappeared before anyone could react, slipping through the Uchiha encirclement like it was nothing. So fast, silent and quick and deadly. It gave Izuna tingles.

Hikaku was giving Izuna an unfairly judgmental look, but that could be ignored. Kakashi had given Izuna a courting present. Izuna was going to have to put some thought into what he wanted to give Kakashi in return. Smiling blissfully as he imagined the results of their next meeting, Izuna went to help his team gather the heads.

After all, it would be rude for Izuna to refuse Kakashi’s very thoughtful gift.

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