Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

In the still of the night

While I’m drifting in dreaming

In the still of the night

My thoughts all stray, stray to you

By the moon’s mellow night

While the world is in slumber

TJ woke up, eyes wide open, and his forehead sweating. He sat up and pushed off his bed sheets, letting the air of his spinning fan hit his bare skin. Its rotation was the only noise in the cluttered room. “The same dream again,” TJ muttered to himself and turned to look at his phone on the bedside table. It was 2AM, and the last notification that he had from the night before was Cyrus’ goodnight with a smiling cat emoji. TJ smiled at Cyrus’ name before swiping out the notification. He had said goodnight himself before knocking out. He was involuntarily woken up at 2AM and 3AM the last two previous days, and he would never go back to sleep. He was exhausted, and Cyrus had even gone out of his way to stop him the hallway to ask if he was alright that day.

He looked out his window and smiled, remembering how Cyrus pushed through a crowd of people who were all taller than him just to get to TJ. He had a bag of cheese puffs and held it out to him before asking him if anything was wrong. TJ bit his lip for split second before just admitting he’s been getting a crappy amount of sleep. They parted after a few more sentences, but for some reason, those few lines were all TJ could think about. He’s had good friends before, but he didn’t think any of them came close to being as great as Cyrus.

He laid back down, his arms behind his head and started to close his eyes. The song was still stuck in his head. Which one though? he thought to himself. A lot of them sounded the same, but all their lyrics were unique. He started humming the few verses he remembered hearing. Vic Damone? His great grandpa always liked him.

Oh the times without number

Darling when I say to you

Do you love me

As I love you

He smiled. He remembered the song. He remembered fragments of the dream. His GG was sitting on the old corduroy armchair, tapping his fingers to the song. In the corner of his eye, TJ would see Cyrus smiling at him, holding his hand out.

He always woke up before he got to hold his hand. He opened his eyes again and frowned. What did this mean? It had been him GG’s living room, his record player, the corduroy couch, and Cyrus. Cyrus reaching out. Cyrus’ small hands. Well, he didn’t know if they were small. He’s only stared at them but never compared them to something. 

He rubbed his eyes, becoming annoyed at the reoccurrences. He didn’t mind the dreams. He didn’t mind being around Cyrus and smiling uncontrollably when he was around. He didn’t mind having Cyrus go with him to work or invite him to The Spoon. He had apologized to Buffy, and he was slowly becoming nicer. Nice enough to hang out with Cyrus and his friends at least. TJ turned in his bed and looked at his poster covered wall. He focused on the outlines of the posters that he could barely see, trying to remember the exact colors to avoid the one question in the back of his mind. Eventually, the tune of the 60’s song grew louder and so did the question.

Do I have a crush on Cyrus?

He felt hotter than usual, and he knew he wasn’t going to fall back asleep. Without another moment’s thought, he sat up and went to his desktop to make a playlist.

-

Friday’s were always good to Cyrus. He woke up smiling and sending memes in the Good Hair Crew group chat. As he chewed through his breakfast, he scrolled through his phone and found a picture of a cat with a strange face shape. It reminded him of someone. Cyrus grinned as he immediately saved the photo and looked up TJ on the favorites section under his contacts. To be fair, he had 9 people under his favorites.

Cyrus: this cat looks like you [img]

Almost immediately, his phone buzzed again.

TJ: I can’t believe ur dragging me like this gjkfghdfjkhgs

Cyrus: the cat is cute okay!

After he hit send, Cyrus immediately realized his mistake. He dropped his spoon into his bowl of cereal, the milk splashing back onto his screen. He let out a small wheeze before staring at his phone screen, wishing the message would disappear. He had technically called TJ cute. TJ was going to hate him now. He was never going to talk to him again. All the progress he made with TJ and Buffy would be over and now he wouldn’t be able to see the boys’ basketball games because TJ would hate the GHC again. He already had the poster slogans picked out, but he’d never make those posters. That message also meant he wouldn’t have reinforcements when getting a chocolate chocolate chip muffin. Of all the things you say, Cyrus! he thought, letting out a small worried groan.

Then his phone vibrated again. He jumped in his seat and looked at his screen again.

TJ: yeah, I guess it is

There was peace in the world again. Cyrus let out a sigh of relief and put his phone down. That was enough for that morning. As he washed his dish, he wondered what was happening on the other side of the screen. TJ seemed like the biggest heterosexual in Jefferson Middle School. Although Cyrus doubted that TJ would ever judge him for being gay, he didn’t want him to think that he had a crush on him.

Sure, TJ was nice to him, understanding, and pushed him to try new things without making him uncomfortable. He also had really pretty eyes, cute freckles that showed up in the sun, and a had a really pretty smile when-

Awe, snugglemuffins Cyrus gulped. He is cute.

Cyrus dried his hands on his pants and went to go for his backpack before going to ask his mom for a ride. His palms were starting to get sweaty through all the thoughts that went through his head, and he wanted to erase the idea that TJ was cute in the first place. Don’t do this to yourself again, Cyrus he told himself. It hurt bad enough the first time.

After chanting similar phrases to himself the rest of the morning, he found himself walking down the hallway to meet Andi and Buffy. Buffy was back to finish up the year, and it felt like if she had never left. She and TJ had apologized to each other a few weeks back, but they still hadn’t talked a lot. When Cyrus asked TJ to go eat with them, he usually kept to himself or only talked to Cyrus.

Cyrus stopped at his locker for a notebook before he heard someone walk up to him. He closed his locker and nearly dropped his notebook at the sight of the taller green-eyed boy. “Morning, Underdog,” TJ smiled.

Cyrus blurted out the first thing that came to his head, “Good morning, Uppercat.” TJ let out a laugh that made Cyrus grin. Surprisingly, he didn’t feel stupid. He liked it when he made TJ laugh.

“Uppercat?” TJ smiled. “You really think I look like a cat.”

“Most definitely,” Cyrus replied. “I’m pretty sure you were one of those in your past life.”

“So you believe in reincarnation?” TJ asked, leaning against a locker.

“Well, yeah,” Cyrus shrugged. “It’s a really cool possibility.”

“Hmm,” TJ thought to himself before saying, “yeah it is.”

“Anyways,” Cyrus kept talking, “we’re going to be at the spoon around four if you want to come join us.”

“I’ll be there,” TJ nodded at the shorter boy. Cyrus and TJ stayed silent, looking at each with small smiles on their faces. “Okay,” TJ raised his hand to his face, scared that it had turned red. “See you around, Underdog.”

Cyrus looked down at his feet and said, “Yeah, later.” Cyrus was the first one to walk away, leaving TJ leaning against the locker. He watched the boy walk off and join Andi at the corner of the hall. She was holding hands with Jonah who had come back just before school started. He noticed that his presence always made Cyrus act a little off, so he wasn’t exactly Jonah Beck’s biggest fan. He kind of wished that he had followed Cyrus, so he wouldn’t be alone with the couple. TJ would be seeing him in two of his classes, but he still enjoyed his company more than others. TJ saw how Cyrus stumbled on his feet and played it off as if he hadn’t almost fallen. He grinned at the sight and turned to walk to his class. Maybe he did have some feelings for the boy after all.

-

“Cyrus, if he shows up, he shows up,” Buffy told him, growing annoyed at Cyrus’ constant turning. They had been at The Spoon for ten minutes, and there was no sign of TJ.

“He said he’d be here,” Cyrus frowned. “What if something happened to him?”

“I’m pretty sure TJ is tough enough take care of himself,” Buffy then paused. “Tell him I said that, and I’ll kill you.” Cyrus smiled before turning around again to look at the door.

“If he doesn’t show up, can I eat his sandwich?” Andi asked Cyrus, only gaining a glare back. “Hey,” Andi laughed, amused at her best friend’s face. “You’re the one that went ahead and ordered for him.” Andi hadn’t even ordered food for Jonah who was also running late. The bell sounded and Cyrus almost snapped his neck turning around. The blonde walked in, face red and sweating.

“Hey,” TJ said, taking a seat next to Cyrus. “Sorry I didn’t realize what time it was.”

“It’s fine,” Cyrus smiled, “I went ahead and ordered for you.”

“Oh really,” TJ grinned. “Thanks.”

“Yeah, it’s no biggie,” Cyrus assured him. Andi raised her eyebrows at Buffy, and Buffy pursed her lips into a little smile and nodded. They knew something was definitely up. Amber brought their orders in and TJ looked at her with a small grin. When Amber scanned the table to hand out the sandwich she realized who is was.

“You’re not Jonah?” she said and placed the food in front of TJ.

“Last time I checked, I wasn’t,” TJ told her plainly. “Do you think you can bring me Cherry Pepsi?”

“I’ll take my time, just for you,” Amber smiled and ruffled TJ’s stiff hair. “Use less gel. Your hair has no volume.” She walked away, leaving the GHC to stare at TJ who didn’t seem to care. TJ took a bite out of his food before looking up.

“Hello?” he gave them a questioning look.

“You know Amber?” Andi asked him. They had been to The Spoon with him multiple times, but it just occurred to them that it never coincided with Amber’s shifts. TJ nodded, chewing his food.

“Wow, Cyrus,” Buffy looked at him. “You built a little cult of not-so-nice people.”

“Hey,” TJ defended himself. “I’m nicer.”

“I’ll give you that,” Buffy nodded.

“I didn’t know they knew each other, actually,” Cyrus looked back and forth between TJ who was next to him and Amber who was getting the drink.

“Huh,” TJ considered. “I guess it never came up.”

“How do you know her?” Andi asked. “She’s in high school.”

“She’s-“ before TJ could answer, Amber came back with the drink.

“His sister,” Amber finished for him. The GHC’s eyes were all wide open, Buffy slightly choking on her baby tator.

“Yeah,” TJ nodded, taking the drink from her hand. “Hey, actually,” TJ turned to her. “Is Nana coming over today?”

“For what?” Amber asked, ignoring the customer that was signaling her in the corner.

“Dad’s birthday,” TJ said, feeling sort of annoyed that she didn’t remember.

“Beats my ass,” Amber shrugged and ruffled his hair again, to which he gently grabbed her wrist and moved it off. “I have to get back to work. I get off at eight if anyone asks.” Before TJ could say anything else, Amber walked off to the annoyed customer.

“Holy cow,” Andi gasped. “She’s your sister?”

“You know,” Buffy studied TJ, “it makes sense.” TJ rolled his eyes at her.

“Why? Because we’re both,” TJ quoted the air with his fingers, “mean.” Buffy smiled with her teeth before placing another baby tator in her mouth. She looked over at Cyrus who was looking between Amber and TJ again.

“We don’t look that much alike if you’re looking for similarities,” TJ gave Cyrus a small smile. “She looks more like our dad, and I look like my mom’s dad’s side.”

“That’s very specific,” Buffy told him.

TJ nodded his head, “The people on my mom’s side live like, forever, so I got to meet a lot.”

“So like vampires?” Buffy laughed. Cyrus and Andi started chuckling.

TJ smiled at her, “If I reveal information like that, it wouldn’t be to someone named Buffy.” The quad continued to eat, small chit-chat here and there. Amber would mess up TJ’s hair a little more every time she walked by. By 5:30, TJ’s hair was a mess, almost completely undone. Cyrus noticed that he never told Amber anything though. He only gave her small grins and the occasional pout but even the pouts were friendly. Cyrus loved it when he pouted his lips. When he caught himself thinking that, he looked at TJ, almost afraid that he had read his mind. TJ looked at him and gave him a smile, causing Cyrus’s nose to burn red.

Around six, they all paid for their food and left. Cyrus and TJ walked in the same direction while Andi and Buffy went in another. TJ and Cyrus walked close to each other, hands bumping every few steps. TJ wondered how bad could it really be if he just grabbed Cyrus’ hand? Maybe he’d finally know if they were small. He ran his hand through his hair instead. He didn’t want to look messy around Cyrus, but he didn’t have the heart to tell Amber to stop. He liked it when she played with his hair, and she’d probably hold it against him for a few months.

“Can I see your hand?” TJ asked without thinking. Cyrus’ heart practically stopped as he looked at him with wide eyes.

“My hand?” Cyrus held it out, as if to give TJ a high five. TJ placed his flat against Cyrus, and they aligned their wrists. Cyrus’ hands weren’t that much smaller than TJ’s, but TJ’s fingers were still longer. TJ gave a small smile before retreating his hand and shoving it in his pocket.

“Hm,” TJ mumbled, continuing to walk. Cyrus stood there, confused for a second before catching up.

“What was that?” Cyrus asked him.

“Just checking something, don’t worry,” TJ told him, receiving a concerned look from Cyrus. TJ put his arm around Cyrus’ shoulder and laughed. “I swear, it’s nothing bad.”

“Okay,” Cyrus told him suspiciously, becoming aware of how fast his heart was beating. He was starting to fear that TJ might hear it.

“I’ll tell you one day,” TJ said before thinking about it. “One day.” Cyrus left it at that and let TJ lead them through their usual route. He still had his arm around him, and Cyrus was trying his best to not move from the waist up. He didn’t want TJ to remember that his arm was there and remove it. He liked how TJ smelled, and he took steps that were purposely identical to Cyrus’ so that they had a good pace. “Why didn’t Jonah show up today?”

“Oh,” Cyrus spoke softly. “I don’t know. Maybe Ultimate practice or something?”

“He’s really into that, huh?”

“Yeah,” Cyrus nodded. “I was, too, at one point.”

“Really?” TJ turned his head to look at Cyrus. Cyrus had a small frown drawn on his face. It only confirmed to TJ that he didn’t really like talking about Jonah. TJ made it a mission to find out why.

“Yeah, I was an honorary Space Otter,” Cyrus said, a smile starting to form at the memory. He had mostly been there because of his growing crush on Jonah, but that was long gone. 

“You sound so proud of it,” TJ laughed.

“I kind of am,” Cyrus admitted. “It was great. Hopefully I’ll be around with them this season, too. It’s before basketball, so it won’t interfere between your games and Buffy’s.”

“You plan to come to the boys’ games, too?” TJ sounded surprised. He thought that the only reason Cyrus went was to see Buffy.

“Well, duh,” Cyrus told him as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You’re my friend, too, ya know.” TJ didn’t say anything, but he had a smile etched across his face. He felt as if every step was getting lighter. “So what are you plans with your dad?”

“Honestly,” TJ’s voice started to silence, “I don’t think we’ll do anything this year if my Nana doesn’t come over. She usually makes Amber and I cake, but she tends to skip our parent’s. My dad might be out of town at an interview today if I’m being honest.” Cyrus didn’t say anything. TJ seemed to had been transported to another realm of thought. The two boys kept walking in a comfortable silence until they reached TJ’s neighborhood. They stopped in front of TJ’s house, and TJ unwrapped his arm from around Cyrus. “Well, this is it,” TJ turned to look at Cyrus.

“Yeah,” Cyrus nodded. “See you later.” TJ and Cyrus smiled at each other for a few seconds, not wanting to move. “I’ll watch you make it inside.”

“I’m pretty sure I won’t die on my way to the door,” TJ told him, amused. He wished he could stare at Cyrus for a little bit longer.

“Hey,” Cyrus held out his hands in defense, “just safety precautions.” Cyrus was holding onto everything he had to not reach up and run his fingers through TJ’s hair. He had never seen it like that, and he sort of liked it. TJ turned to his driveway and realized there was no cars.

TJ swallowed, “My parents aren't home. Do you want to come inside and hang out for a bit?” Cyrus became convinced that TJ could hear his heart beat against his chest at that point.

Cyrus took a deep breath, trying to make it look casual, “Um, yeah. Sure. Sounds fun.”

“Cool,” TJ told him before leading him inside.

Are you my life to be

My dream come true

Or you will this dream of mine fade out of sight

Like the moon growing dim on the rim of the hill in the chill still of the night

Chapter Text

Cyrus followed TJ inside, looking around at the place. It looked like an ordinary family home, but Cyrus noted that the decoration was mostly black and gray.

“Don’t mind the spooky decoration,” TJ told him, motioning him to follow upstairs. “My parents are still in their goth phase.”

Cyrus gave him a mischievous grin and followed him upstairs, “That or they’ve trained you to say that to hide the fact that you guys are vampires.”

“No comment,” TJ turned back to smile at him as the reached the top. One of the first` doors was covered in unicorn stickers, throwing off the rest of the decoration.

“Amber’s room?” Cyrus asked as they walked past it.

“Yeah,” TJ answered. “She doesn’t have anything interesting, though. She dumped out a lot of her room recently.”

“Why?” Cyrus asked him as TJ pushed open a blank door. Cyrus walked inside TJ’s room and gasped as if he had just entered a new world. It was cluttered, but the floors were clean. His bed was made, and there weren’t any clothes sprawled around. He had a candle that made the room smell like the ocean. He had what seemed like hundreds of CD’s lining the walls on nailed on racks, posters of musicians and basketball players, and he had one tall book shelf that had nothing but vinyl’s. There was a plastic bin drawer full of tapes. Without asking, Cyrus opened it and looked through it. He was curious by nature. When he realized what he was doing, he looked over at TJ with a worried expression.

“She said it was a cleanse after Jonah dumped her, but Jonah didn’t really give her anything, so I have a hard time believing that,” TJ said, sitting down on his bed. He waved off Cyrus’ action with a hand motion and a smile. “I don’t press stuff out of her, though.”

“You guys seem to have a good relationship,” Cyrus said, looking through the bin. It seemed to be the only unorganized thing in the room.

“Thank goodness we do,” TJ said and then let out a chuckle. “Our cousins don’t like us very much though. We used to boss them around growing up. We were mean kids… maybe we’re still mean.”

“I don’t think you guys are mean,” Cyrus turned to look at him. TJ looked at him with his lips in a flat line.

“Thank you,” he finally said.

“I’m not just saying that just because,” Cyrus reassured him, closing the drawer. “I mean it.”

TJ smiled and nodded his head, “I know.” Cyrus looked around the room again and walked to one of the CD racks.

“I’m assuming you love music,” Cyrus told him, amused as he read through the albums.

“Only on the weekends,” TJ joked, pulling out his phone. He had a message from a girl in his history class, and he had already been ignoring it for an entire hour.

“How do you hop from Avril Lavigne to Miranda Lambert and then Tupac?” Cyrus asked him, now walking along his walls.

“Music is music,” TJ told him, tossing his phone on his pillow before laying down. “Do you usually go through your friend’s things the first time you go to your house?”

“No,” Cyrus grinned. “I do it every time I go to a friend’s house. Except Andi’s grandparent’s. Worst playdate spot. We can’t do any exploring in the house, and Andi is really strict about Andi Shack.”

TJ lifted himself up and rested his head on his propped-up arm, “What’s Andi Shack? You guys talk about it sometimes.”

“It’s a shack,” Cyrus said as he put back a Bridgit Mendler CD on the wall. “It belongs to Andi.”

“Wow, my conspiracy theory was correct,” TJ let out a fake gasp, causing Cyrus to smile.

“I wasn’t done explaining,” Cyrus said and pulled out another CD. He showed it to TJ and mocked him, “One Direction? Really?”

“Little Things is a lovely song,” TJ smirked. “Come on. You know you have a favorite.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Cyrus tilted his head before putting the CD back. He changed the topic, “Andi Shack is Andi’s little place to escape from the world you can say. She keeps a lot of her crafting things in there.” He quickly turned to TJ with wide eyes, “But don’t call it the place where she keeps her crafting things.”

“Note taken,” TJ told him. “Is that where she made that bracelet for Jonah that Amber took?” Cyrus pressed his lips tightly together and nodded. “I told her not to. She can be petty sometimes.”

“Aren’t you petty, too?” Cyrus asked him as he started going through the vinyl’s.

“Runs in the family,” TJ said as he picked up his phone again. Another girl had sent him a message. Cyrus went through the vinyl collection in silence. A lot of them were really old, and Cyrus hadn’t heard of most of the artists on the shelf.

“I think you have the most extensive taste in music that I’ve ever seen,” Cyrus finally spoke after go through everything on the shelf.

“I take pride in it,” TJ smiled, a small blush creeping across his face. He laid flat down on his bed again. “I have more on my computer. There’s no password.” Cyrus sat on TJ’s spinning chair and turned on the desktop. While it loaded, he started spinning in the chair, mumbling a song about spinning under his breath.

“Do you have a song for everything?” TJ asked him. “Sometimes I still have the swing song stuck in my head.”

“Really?” Cyrus beamed and stopped spinning. “That’s funny. I only have songs for very special things.” Cyrus turned to the desktop and found a folder on TJ’s screen titled MUSIC. He clicked it and found a lot more folders. He stared at Playlists for a few seconds before clicking it. “You make playlists?”

“Yeah,” TJ said. “One for every occasion.” TJ was currently laying down with his eyes clothes, arms behind his head. He heard the mouse click from the desk where Cyrus was sitting. Then he remembered and sat straight up. “Wait, Cy-“

“What does C.C.C.M. stand for?” Cyrus asked him, looking between him and the screen.

“Uh,” TJ felt himself turn red. Luckily for him, Cyrus was paying attention to the song list. He bit his lip and thought, “It’s stands for crazy cool cat music. It’s just old stuff my great grandpa used to listen to.”

“Are these love songs?” Cyrus awed. “This is a lot more adorable than thinking you cried to Christina Perri’s Arms.” TJ was definitely red now, and he was rubbing his face as if it would make it go away. Then Cyrus clicked on one of the songs, and TJ felt as if he wanted to smash his head through his wall once he heard the opening notes. Of all the songs you click on, Cyrus, it’s this one he thought as he laid back down, not wanting to look at Cyrus.

“Someday he'll come along
The man I love”

“TJ,” Cyrus hooted, “I didn’t ever think you’d listen to stuff like this. I didn’t think anyone listened to stuff like this.”

“And when he comes my way
I'll do my best to make him stay”

“Stop bullying me,” TJ groaned and covered his face with a pillow.

“You’re a sap,” Cyrus awed and held his hand to his heart.

“I’m tough as nails!” TJ let out a muffled scream through his pillow.

“Yeah,” Cyrus scoffed. “Salon nails.”

“Amber has killer nails, actually,” he removed the pillow. “She could claw out an eye when she has them done.”

“And in a little while
He'll take my hand
And though it seems absurd
I know we both won't say a word”

Cyrus paused the music and then turned to TJ who was looking directly at him from the bed. TJ was red in the face, and Cyrus could feel his heart speed up. Cyrus noted TJ looked really cute when he was blushing. “So you have no issue with my finding your One Direction CD, but if I find a playlist with love songs, you’re this puddle?”

“Hey,” TJ’s voice cracked, only making Cyrus smile wider, “if you open the CD, it says Amber on the inside. I only rescued it from being thrown away. This? This is something personal.”

“Personal?” Cyrus raised an eyebrow. “I thought it was just random music.”

“Uh,” TJ lied and looked away from Cyrus, “well yeah, it is.” Cyrus crossed his arms and looked at TJ for a moment. TJ noticed the silence and looked back. “It is, I swear,” TJ nervously laughed and softly tossed a pillow at Cyrus. It hit Cyrus in face, and Cyrus leaned back, causing the entire chair to recline back. Cyrus let out a terrified scream, causing TJ to quickly stand up. “What happened?!”

“Your chair!” Cyrus stood up, clutching the pillow in his hands. “It falls back!” TJ looked at Cyrus with a pout before busting out laughing. “It’s not funny,” Cyrus said, throwing the pillow roughly at TJ. TJ caught it as if it had been a soft toss and sat down on the bed again, clutching the pillow to him as he tried to stop laughing.

“It’s funny,” TJ told him with a huge grin. “It happens to everyone who uses that chair.”

“Well since when do office chairs recline like that?” Cyrus asked, kicking the chair before sitting down next to TJ.

“Hey don’t take it out on the chair,” TJ smirked. “It was born that way.”

“Well it’s on the right track to death,” Cyrus grumbled, uncrossing his arms. He tried to set his hands on the bed on each side of him, but his left hand ended up meeting one of TJ’s hands. He quickly pulled it away, realizing that his heart was still racing against what seemed to be time.

“Hey,” TJ teased him, “if you want to hold my hand, all you have to do is ask. I did earlier.” TJ immediately wanted to jump out the window. He felt like he had no self-control, and he just threw those words up. His stomach was starting to churn.

Cyrus gulped before saying, “Is that why you asked to see my hand earlier.”

“No, no,” TJ shook his head. “That was for something else.”

“If you say so,” Cyrus let out a fake yawn and stretched his arms.

“Hey,” TJ shoved Cyrus’ shoulder playfully, “don’t go falling now.” Cyrus gave TJ a serious look before crossing his arms into an ‘X’ across his chest and falling back on the bed.

“I’m dead now,” Cyrus said in a deadpan tone. “I hope you’re happy now.” TJ snickered before falling back and laying down next to Cyrus. “You have pictures on your ceilings, too?” Cyrus eyed around. He hadn’t noticed that section at all.

“Only of family and friends,” TJ told him and pointed, “just here, though. I can’t reach anywhere else. It’d be nice to put up my spare posters, though.”

“When do I get to be up there?” Cyrus asked him, looking straight up. Cyrus was too scared to even slightly turn to look at TJ because he was super close to him, their arms touching.

“Right now if you want,” TJ answered and sat up. “I have an old polaroid camera somewhere.” Cyrus propped himself up on his elbows and saw TJ get up. He went to his desk and started looking through one of the big drawers connected to it. “Found it,” he told him and then looked at Cyrus. He smirked and screamed, “Incoming!” Cyrus’ eyes were wide open when he noticed what TJ was going to do and covered his face as TJ jumped into the bed next to him. TJ let out a laugh as Cyrus uncovered his face and glared at him.

“Are you trying to kill me?” Cyrus asked him, putting his hand over his heart.

“Sorry,” TJ kept smiling. He was laying down again where he previously was. “It’s fun messing with you, Underdog.” Cyrus rolled his eyes before laying back down, itching his way towards TJ. “Alright, smile,” TJ said as he held out the dusty camera. TJ and Cyrus both gave the cameras small grins before TJ clicked. The flash left them both blinded by white light for a second.

“You really want me gone,” Cyrus rubbed his eyes, lightness in the way he spoke.

“I swear, I don’t,” TJ let out a low laugh as he brushed his fingers against the outside of his eyes. “Another one?” he asked after placing the film on his stomach.

“Alright,” Cyrus agreed before placing his head next to TJ’s again. TJ pouted his lips and Cyrus opened his mouth in the shape of an ‘O’, cupping his own cheeks. The flash made their eyes water this time, and Cyrus said, “Yeah, definitely the last one. We’re using a smart phone and a printer next.”

“Agreed,” TJ laughed and set the developing photo next to the first one. “Now we wait.”

“Where’d you get this camera?” Cyrus asked him, holding out his hand. “I have a polaroid, too, but I bought mine online. A lot of people have them.”

TJ handed over the camera, answering, “My great grandpa left me a whole mess of stuff, including this. I don’t have a whole lot of film for this one if I’m being honest. It’s super expensive and hard to find.” TJ let out a yawn and closed his eyes before continuing to talk, “A lot of those vinyl’s and tapes are his. A lot of the things are up in the attic though. I haven’t gone through all of them. It’s been two years since he passed away.”

“I’m sorry,” Cyrus said softly.

TJ bit his lower lip and replied in almost a whisper, “Don’t be. He lived a really long and super good life.” TJ’s voice grew a bit louder as he spoke, “I was his favorite. He always said that if Amber was from his time, that she’d be a flapper like his older sister. He took me to a lot of places with him from the moment I was able to walk. One of the last things he told me is that he couldn’t take me to Heaven just yet but in a hundred years, he’d come pick me up to go dancing with Rosemary Clooney and Dinah Shore.” TJ let out a chuckle, “That man was something else, I swear.” Cyrus smiled and propped himself up, he eyed the pictures on TJ’s stomach that were ready. He sat up, and took the pictures, making TJ suck in his stomach. “Hey,” TJ cracked open an eye and smirked. “I don’t appreciate that.” Cyrus raised an eyebrow at TJ and poked him square in the stomach before looking at the photos. TJ doubled over before sitting up and looking at the photos. “We look good,” TJ tilted his head towards Cyrus. “Which one do you want?”

“I can have one?” Cyrus looked at him in surprise. TJ still had his head tilted towards him, and when he looked at him, their noses seemed to be a few millimeters apart. TJ eyed the mole he had under his eye and resisted the urge to poke it.

TJ cleared his throat and looked away, “Well yeah. I took two for a reason.” Cyrus could’ve sworn that TJ’s nose was red, but he decided not to get his hopes up.

“Well, thanks,” Cyrus told him and lifted the funny photo. “This one is cute, so I’ll take it.”

“Sounds good,” TJ told him, letting out another yawn.

“You seem really tired as of lately,” Cyrus frowned as TJ laid back down.

“Like I’ve said, I haven’t slept that well,” TJ told him. He didn’t like repeating himself very much.

“I should leave to let you nap,” Cyrus told him, making TJ sit up immediately.

“No,” TJ practically yelled. “Well,” he sheepishly scratched the back of his head, “I’m tired but not sleepy. I wouldn’t fall asleep to be honest. Want to watch a movie?”

“What kind of movie?” Cyrus raised a brow. “I’m not about to watch a scary vampire movie in a vampire’s house in their gothic living room.”

TJ let out a chuckle, “Hotel Transylvania?”

“Hmm,” Cyrus pretended to think of it. “It’s a high 9 on my scary meter, but it’ll do.”

Cyrus wasn’t a fool. He knew TJ was sleepy, and he was proven correct. Twenty minutes into the movie, TJ knocked out, his mouth hanging slightly open as he snored. Only Cyrus didn’t know when he fell asleep himself. He didn’t even realize he was asleep until he felt a white flash go off. He heard TJ groan and then something that was resting on his shoulder lifted.

“My neck,” TJ moaned. Cyrus’ eyes went wide open, and she found Amber standing in front of them with her phone, smiling. Cyrus then looked at TJ who was sitting arm to arm with him. TJ’s eyes also immediately shot wide open as he turned to look at Cyrus. “Crud, I fell asleep, didn’t I.”

“Just for a little bit,” Cyrus smiled before reaching for his phone. He had nine missed calls from his mom, two from Andi, and seven from Buffy. He sat right up and frowned at TJ, “Hey, I have to go. Thanks for the popcorn. If I don’t reply to any of you two this weekend,” he turned to Amber, “I’m probably grounded.”

“Wait,” TJ stood up, “want me to go home with you and explain what happened to your parents?”

“No,” Cyrus shook his head and smiled. “It’ll be okay. I just forgot to say where I was going. Later, guys.” Cyrus ran out the door and shut it, leaving TJ staring at the door for a moment.

“You’re a bad influence, little brother,” Amber teased, taking a seat next to him. She was still in her uniform.

“Hahaha,” TJ sarcastically laughed. Amber rested her head on TJ’s shoulder, and they both stared at the bouncing Netflix logo on the TV.

“Do you,” Amber whispered as if their parents were home to hear them, “like him?” TJ bit his lip and threw his head back on the couch, he closed his eyes and thought about the mole on Cyrus’ cheek.

“I’m scared that I do.”

Chapter Text

Cyrus nervously walked inside his house, his mom and stepdad waiting in the sitting room. “H-ey, guys,” Cyrus gave them a little wave, his voice cracking.

“Where were you,” his mom asked, running up to him to give him a hug.

“Around the block at a friend’s house,” Cyrus said, hugging his mom back. “I’m so sorry I forgot to text. We watched a movie and fell asleep. I understand if I’m in trouble. I deserve to get in trouble.” His mom pulled away from the hug, but still had a firm grip on his shoulders.

She sighed and told him with a small smile, “You’re not in trouble. You just forgot to text me. I trust you.”

“Oh thank goodness,” Cyrus sighed in relief. “I was really scared for a moment.”

His mom let out a small laugh, “Just don’t let it happen again.” Cyrus nodded. “Also, call your friends. I think Buffy is more worried than I am. Dinner is in the microwave. We ate without you, sorry.” Cyrus gave her another hug before walking into the kitchen to get his dinner. When he sat down at the table, he made sure to text TJ before he got his ear blown off by Buffy and forgot.

Cyrus: Made it home alive and I’m not grounded!!

TJ: sounds good underdog

TJ: sorry I forgot to feed you

TJ: I was thinking of ordering a pizza when I fell asleep

Cyrus: don’t worry about it. Since I didn’t get grounded, I’m allowed to eat dinner.

Cyrus: don’t take that seriously

TJ: lol I won’t.

TJ: you forgot your polaroid ☹ I’ll take it to you Monday at school okay?

Cyrus: Just realized that :o Ty!!

TJ: yeah of course. It’s nothing. After all, you risked going blind for those photos :P

Cyrus: I can’t believe you really put my eye sight at risk for some photos

TJ: hey, you’re the one that wanted to be on my ceiling. I hung up the photo I’m keeping already. Oh by the way, Amber wanted me to send you this [img]

It was a picture of TJ and Cyrus sleeping on the couch earlier. TJ was slumped over, his head resting between Cyrus’ shoulder and head. They both had small content smiles on their faces. It was a peaceful picture. As Cyrus stared at the picture for a moment too long, his phone started ringing. It was Buffy asking to merge him in a video call. “Oh man,” Cyrus mumbled. He hesitated but answered anyways, already flinching before Buffy had a chance to say anything.

“Hey answered!” he heard Andi say in delight. “Finally.”

“Hey, guys,” Cyrus smiled, waving his spoon in front of the screen.

“Hey guys?” Buffy scoffed. “We’ve been worried sick! I thought TJ had gotten you killed or something.”

“You’re being dramatic, Buffy,” Cyrus laughed. “I just hung out at his place and forgot to tell my mom. Nothing bad.”

“Then why didn’t you answer?” Buffy frowned. “Were you ignoring us?” Cyrus felt guilty now. He didn’t realize there was still some negative tension left between TJ and Buffy. He knew it was that because Andi seemed to be fine. Buffy was the one that if given the word, she’d put a stake through TJ’s heart for Cyrus without hesitation.

“No, no,” Cyrus quickly shook his head. “I swear I wasn’t. We fell asleep watching Hotel Transylvania.”

“Hotel Transylvania?” Andi giggled. “That wasn’t too scary for you?” Cyrus smirked and shook his head.

“I’m still really sorry, though,” Cyrus told them with an apologetic expression. Buffy’s angry expression fell off her face, turning into a solemn one. “I didn’t mean to worry you guys.”

“Okay,” Buffy finally told him after a pause. “But do it again, and I’ll put you both in a casket.” She ended up letting out a snort, “I can’t believe you went to TJ Kippen’s house.”

Cyrus thought about it for a second and said, “Me either. I think I’m getting somewhere with our ‘The Kippen’s are Vampires’ theory. Their decoration? Completely gothic.”

“Maybe his parents were total goth kids in school and never grew out of it,” Andi laughed. “Bowie and Bex seem to still have punk rock in their veins.”

“Probably,” Buffy said, “or they’re vampires. I’d say let’s put a stake through Amber’s heart to see if she’ll turn into a bat, but she’s grown on me.”

“Putting a steak through her heart would kill her,” Andi smiled and shook her head. “Just ask her if you can have a glass of blood next time we’re at The Spoon.”

“We’re too mean, guys,” Cyrus shook his head, not once his smile falling off. He was eating, talking to his friends in their secluded trio, and his heart was still a fluttering mess.

“Too mean? To the Kippens?” Buffy let out a fake laugh. “Wow. Amber Kippen. I really thought she was going to be Amber Fubergoobeld’schnoppert to me my whole life.”

“You can’t deny that they’ve changed a lot,” Andi told them. She stayed silent for a bit before saying, “Amber apologized to me. Like. Fully. I was past it, but it made me feel a lot better.”

“That’s really good,” Cyrus smiled widely. “She’s the reason we woke up in the first place. I might still be over there if she hadn’t gotten home.”

“Wasn’t it their dad’s birthday?” Andi asked him. Cyrus paused. He had forgotten about that.

“Well his parents weren’t there,” Cyrus told them, getting an itch to ask TJ.

“I can’t believe you were left unsupervised with a vampire,” Buffy shook her head, not realizing that there was something bothering the two.

“Well,” Cyrus went along, “it would’ve been me and three vampires, so it wouldn’t have had made the situation any better if we’re being completely honest.” Andi knew something Cyrus didn’t, and it looked obvious. He wished he could make direct eye contact with her to get her to spill, but if it involved Amber, Cyrus had a feeling it was private. Amber had a lot of secrets and in their short-lived friendship, who knew how much Andi had learned. Cyrus took an initiative and said, “I’m going to text TJ real fast. Remember I can still hear you!”

Cyrus went off screen from the video chat and went to text TJ. He couldn’t help but smile big when he caught sight of the photo he had last sent. “Your camera is still on!” Buffy chided. “What are you smiling at like a big goof?”

“I’ll send it right now,” Cyrus lied. He made a quick wish for them to forget about it before go back to the video call app to turn off his camera. He opened his texts with TJ once more and blocked out Buffy and Andi’s side conversation as he tried to think of something to say.

Cyrus: wow we look good

Cyrus: anyways did you guys do anything for your dad’s birthday??

TJ: I probably wont see him until tomorrow if I’m being honest. I just found out my mom is staying in for another shift, so it’s just Amber, Macaroni, and I for another night.

Cyrus: Macaroni???!

TJ: we have a cat. Kind of does his own thing in the streets but always comes back at night. He doesn’t like me very much so he only likes to be inside when Amber is here. I think he knows who pays for the food and who forgets to fill up his water bowl.

Cyrus: I can’t believe you hid a whole cat from me

TJ: I hid my whole ass sister from you and you’re mad about the cat gkjsfghjksdfgh

Cyrus: my feelings are hurt!!

“You still there, Cy?” Andi asked. Cyrus switched back to look at them and turned on his camera.

“Hey, hello,” he waved his fingers. “I’ve done some investigating, and they will not be celebrating TJ’s dad’s birthday. It’s just him, Amber, and their cat Macaroni for the night. I don’t know what to do with this information now.”

“Me either,” Andi frowned.

“Amber didn’t seem that bummed out from it,” Buffy commented. “TJ was the one that looked a little weird when she said it beat her ass.”

Cyrus gasped, “Buffy don’t cuss.” Buffy gave her camera a look that told her she was holding back a “fuck you”, but she just turned it into a playful eyeroll.

“Anyways, I’m sure the vamps are fine,” Buffy reassured them. Cyrus and Andi agreed before Buffy smirked, “So Cyrus. What were you smiling at?”

“Shit,” Cyrus whispered.

-

TJ once again woke up at 2AM, but not at his own accord. Amber was shaking him. He felt something small crawl across his legs above the blankets heard Amber whispering. “Why do you whisper when you’re trying to wake me up,” TJ groaned, rubbing his eyes. “What time is it?”

“Two,” Amber said, still whispering. “Can I sleep with you? Mom is on the phone with dad.”

“She’s home?” TJ sat up. He scooted towards the wall to make room for Amber to sit down.

“She’s been home,” Amber said as she crawled into the bed. She held her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on top of them. “I think she got in trouble at work.”

“Oh shit,” TJ frowned. “That’s not good.”

“That’s not good at all,” Amber started crying. TJ put an arm around her as her tears got into a flow. TJ tended to ignore everything that went on with their parents, but Amber was the one that paid attention to it all. She was their messenger when the fights were horrendous, and she was the one that got lashed on for trying to get them to stop. TJ didn’t try anything because one, Amber wouldn’t let him. Two, he was a coward. He would just plug in his earbuds and close his eyes until he was asleep. “What are we going to do?” she sobbed.

“We’ll be okay,” TJ assured her. “We have what GG left me if anything.”

“No,” Amber pulled away and shook her head. She started wiping her tears. She hated it when TJ saw her cry. “That’s your money for college.”

“I can’t go to college,” TJ told her. “I’m stupid.”

“No, you’re not, TJ,” Amber lightly tugged his ears. “You’re so so smart. Just because you don’t know how to do equations, it doesn’t mean you don’t know who the thirteenth president of the United States is.” TJ bit his lip.

“If she gets fired-,” TJ started but Amber nudged him in the stomach, making him jump back a little.

“I don’t think she got fired. She probably just won’t get overtime anymore. But still. Dad needs to land a job. Quick,” she told him, shifting to hug her knees again.

“Do you think we’ll have to move towns?” TJ asked her. He had been afraid of that since their dad said he had to look at places out of Shadyside. He had had three interviews so far.

“Maybe,” Amber mumbled. “I don’t know. I don’t want to.”

“Me either,” TJ told her, looking up at his ceiling. He couldn’t see the picture, but he was staring right at the spot where he had his polaroid with Cyrus. He couldn’t leave now.

“Well,” Amber sighed and laid down, “night.”

“Night,” TJ mumbled. He didn’t lay down though. He stayed sitting up, occasionally petting Macaroni who hated it when Amber moved. He would let out little mews and rub his head into TJ’s hand until he fell asleep again. Amber was a crazy sleeper and often gave TJ bruises on his legs when she stayed in his bed. It wasn’t too often, but when it did happen, he felt like they got closer. It was why he couldn’t get mad at her or pick on her like he used to. They had enough going on. TJ laid down, but he couldn’t get his eyes closed. He stared at the spot with the polaroid, songs stuck in his head until he eventually was able to make out Cyrus’ smile as the sunshine poured in through the windows.

He smiled back at it and fell asleep.

It was twelve in the afternoon when he woke up alone in bed. Amber and Macaroni were gone. The sun from the blinds was hitting him directly which meant that Amber had opened them for him. He liked basking in the sun. It felt warm and safe as if sunshine could never hurt him.

He rolled over and reached for his phone. He had gotten a message from Cyrus at 9AM, saying good morning with the sunshine emoji. TJ smiled at it and opened it.

TJ: Good morning underdog. I slept late today

Cyrus: I understand. You deserve it!

TJ: That’s sweet of you to say

Cyrus: what are the plans for today?

TJ: I have work at 2 today so that’s going to be fun. u can drop by if you want

Cyrus: I think I’m hanging out with Jonah and Andi today around that time but if I manage to escape early, ill go by :) 

don’t expect me to do anything tho. Im just there to observe how Shadyside’s vampire interacts with kids

Cyrus: haha is that why you guys live in Shadyside. Because it’s shady and there will be no sun

TJ: oh hardy har har

TJ: I actually lay in the sun every morning for a while so I think your vampire theory is dead

Cyrus: you’re a fool TJ Kippen. Vampires never die.

TJ: I’m going to turn into a bat and fly away next time I see you I swear.

Cyrus: well you can’t because I need my polaroid picture back

TJ: you got me there

TJ rolled out of bed and went to shower, playing music on his speaker. He didn’t hear anyone else, so he assumed everyone else was out. Amber had said something about getting brunch with some friends before work the night before, and he assumed his dad wasn’t back yet. His mom was a different question and he didn’t bother asking himself where she possibly could have had gone.

He scrolled through his phone through his many playlists and saw C.C.C.M.  He smiled before playing it. Those songs made his chest fuzzy and sometimes the feelings would get overwhelming. But he didn’t really mind. He liked the old music that made him think of his new feelings.

I know a little bit about a lot of things

But I don’t know enough about you

Just when I think you’re mine

You try a different line

And baby what can I do

-

When TJ got to work, parents were barely starting to drop off their kids. Some of the little kids would give him hugs as they walked in. He loved his job, and he knew that he’d never get anything wrong. His manager and him split them in groups, and TJ started helping his little group of five with their exercises. A while into work, one of the kids in his group pointed to the door and said, “Look, TJ. Cyrus is here!” All the other little kids in the gym started saying choruses of ‘hi Cyrus’ and waving furiously at him. Cyrus had a huge frown when he walked in that quickly faded when the kids all started going to him. TJ had noticed the frown on time to know something was up.

“Hey, Underdog,” TJ told Cyrus as he approached him.

“Hey, TJ. Just dropping by,” Cyrus said, carrying one of the youngest kids in his arms.

“Cathy get down,” TJ laughed as the little girl held tightly onto Cyrus. She gave TJ puppy eyes, but TJ saw right through them and shook his head. “Come on.”

“Awe snap,” Cathy gave TJ an exaggerated frown before Cyrus put her back down on the floor. Cathy and the other kids went back to trying to do their stretches when TJ nodded his head towards the matts.

“It’s like you mind control them,” Cyrus said, a small grin on his face.

“Vampires can’t control minds,” TJ smirked then looked directly at Cyrus. “What’s wrong?”

“Wrong?” Cyrus seemed to jump. “Nothing’s wrong. Everything is fine.” Everything indeed, was not fine.

“I might not know a lot about you, but I can tell when something is wrong,” TJ said and looked at his watch. “I have a break in like thirty minutes,” he said, putting his hand on Cyrus shoulder. Cyrus breath hitched. “Do you think you can wait for me to talk about it?” TJ then paused. “Only if you want to talk about it, though.”

Cyrus thought about it for a few seconds before saying, “Yeah, I’ll just sit down for a bit.” TJ nodded before letting go of Cyrus’ shoulder and walking back to the kids to continue showing them other exercise. Cyrus went to a chair in the corner, not wanting to touch his phone. He sat with his arms crossed, his frown eventually turning into a small smile as he watched TJ teach the kids how to do a handstand. Cyrus started laughing when the kids all knocked down TJ when he was in the middle of one. It was cute and it hurt Cyrus in the chest like a knife. Cyrus looked out the window to the park across the street and watched more people go by. There were dog walkers, joggers, more little kids, and the occasional couple. Cyrus grew worried that every couple going by could be Jonah and Andi.

The thirty minutes seemed to drag by until TJ eventually went up to Cyrus and smiled at him. “I have twenty minutes. Want to go to the park?” Cyrus eyes at the kids who were all in a circle around who seemed to be TJ’s boss, drinking a juice box and eating snacks. They were all staring back at them, giving him excited waves.

Cyrus waved back before standing up and saying, “Yeah, let’s go.” Cyrus and TJ went across the street and sat at a bench that was only a minute walk away.

“So do you want to tell me what’s wrong or would you rather me tell you how Hotel Transylvania ends?” TJ smirked, sitting down an inch away from Cyrus on the bench.

“Hanging out with Andi and Jonah by myself was a mistake,” Cyrus spilled. He didn’t like Jonah anymore, and he wasn’t jealous. There was just something there that made it look like they were both unhappy, but he’d never tell Andi. He didn’t want her to think that he just wanted Jonah for himself.

“You never look comfortable around Jonah,” TJ said, making Cyrus’ eyes go wide. Was he that obvious?

Cyrus stuttered, “What do you… what do you mean?”

“I mean you’re fine around him, but it’s never the same feeling around Buffy and Andi. It’s like you’re watching out for something,” TJ explained, making Cyrus’ mouth fall open. He had only watched out that he wouldn’t catch feelings for him again. Of course, TJ was making that task a lot easier. “Is there a chunk of the story that I’m missing?” I only had a heart obliterating crush on him that made me want to fling myself in the ocean, but other than that, not really.

“I’ll tell you that part someday,” Cyrus told him after a few seconds of stiff silence. “I promise.” He wasn’t ready to come out to TJ yet.

“Sounds good,” TJ told him. “No need to promise. If it comes, it comes.” It’ll come out of the closet one day Cyrus bit his lip. “Why are you upset right now though? Like, the actual reason.”

“Well,” Cyrus started, “they started fighting while we were hanging out. I sort of just sat there not knowing what to do. They almost dragged me into, and I just stood up and left without saying anything. I just feel so bad leaving them because they’re my friends, and I don’t them to be fighting.”

“Couples fight, and you shouldn’t feel bad about other people’s problems,” TJ told him, putting his arm around him. Cyrus didn’t tense up for once. He had grown used to that part of TJ.

“I know but Andi is my best friend and Jonah is her best friend.”

“Her boyfriend,” TJ emphasized. “Not yours.” A long time ago, that would’ve stung Cyrus. Today, that sentence lifted a weight off his shoulders.

“Yeah,” Cyrus told him, already sounding better, “I guess you’re right.”

“Sometimes I can be right, too,” TJ smirked, gently bumping the side of his head on the side of Cyrus’ for half a second.

“I hope they’ll be fine by tonight though,” Cyrus told him apologetically. “We’re throwing Andi a surprise party, and Buffy, Jonah, and I were supposed to plan it.”

“If Jonah can’t pull through, hit me up,” TJ told him with a smile.

“Will do either way,” Cyrus turned to TJ who was already looking at him. TJ and Cyrus stared at each other for another two seconds, TJ eyeing the mole and Cyrus testing how fast he could count TJ’s freckles before they both bashfully turned away.

I read the latest news

No buttons on my shoes

But baby I'm confused about you

You get me in a spin

Oh what a stew I'm in

'Cause I don't know enough about you

-

Monday during third period, TJ was furiously tapping his feet on the floor. Nobody heard it over all the chatting that was going on as their teacher passed back their math test. It was the first chapter test of the year, and TJ knew he didn’t do well. He was aiming for a C minus when he was studying with Amber, but when he got the test in front of him, nothing made sense. The questions seemed to be in a different language, as if someone had gotten words from different magazines and clipped them together. He didn’t know what most of the questions were asking, and he had forgotten a few rules for factoring. He looked over across the room at Cyrus who was sitting with Jonah and some other kids. Cyrus smiled at TJ, making TJ’s tapping ease a little as he returned a polite head nod. When the teacher approached TJ, she wore a familiar look on her face. TJ knew that face of disappointment all too well, and he already assumed the worst with she placed the test upside down on his desk. He took a deep breath before flipping it upside down.

F

See me after school please

Without saying anything, TJ crumbled up the paper and clutched it in his hand before storming out of the class. He heard Mrs. Pierson call after him as the rest of the class fell silent, but he kept walking down the hall. He pushed open the restroom door and saw two 6^th graders in there. “Out,” he boomed at them, making them jump and run out the door. TJ went to the corner of the restroom next to the hand dryer and sat down, test still clutched in his hand. He didn’t realize how hard he was biting his lip when he tasted the blood on his tongue. He wanted to kick everything and tear it all apart. He had tried so hard for that test, and it was worthless. When the door open, he yelled again, “Out!”

“TJ,” Cyrus peaked his head in, “it’s me. Mrs. Pierson let me come. Can I come in?” TJ felt his face get hot. He was embarrassed now.

“Whatever,” TJ mumbled. Cyrus took it as a yes and walked in, going to TJ’s corner. When Cyrus bent down to sit, his head accidently knocked into the air dryer button, making it turn on. TJ bust out laughing as Cyrus jumped in fear. “Be careful, Cyrus.” Cyrus hit the button again with the side of his fist to turn it off again, his face showing irritation. He looked down at TJ and his face softened up again when he remembered what he was there for. TJ wasn’t looking at him but rather, the crumbled up test in his hands. Cyrus sat down next to him, this time being careful with the machine.

“Can I see that?” Cyrus pointed at TJ’s closed hand.

“The paper or my hand?” TJ asked, almost sourly.

“TJ,” Cyrus poked him in the stomach, making TJ jump more into the corner. “I’m not here to make fun of you.”

“I know but,” TJ paused. He didn’t have anything else to say. “This is just embarrassing. I feel so stupid. I studied, I swear I did. I just… can’t do it.”

“Yes you can, TJ,” Cyrus told him. “You’re not stupid. We might have just started being friends, and I don’t know every little thing about you, but I know you’re smart. You just need to talk to Mrs. Pierson about your dyscalculia and get a tutor that can work around it. You’ll be fine. I promise.”

“You make a lot of promises, don’t you?” TJ tilted his to look at Cyrus, a sad and dead look in his eyes.

“I do,” Cyrus said matter-of-factly, “and I tend to keep all of them.” TJ gave him half a smile that fell after a second. He put his test in Cyrus’ hand before looking away. Cyrus uncrumpled the paper and scanned it. “See. I’m sure she’s willing to help. Just go talk to her after school. I can go with you if you want.”

“Why do you care so much Cyrus?” TJ asked him, a little too bitterly than what he usually spoke like. It was similar to the way he would talking to Buffy when she first got on the team. “I’m pretty sure you have a passing grade. You don’t have to worry about my dumbass.”

“Actually, I tend to just shove my tests in my backpack and look at them a week later when it doesn’t hurt,” Cyrus said. “I like to live a life in denial. So for now, I’ll be in denial that you hate that I care about you.”

“I don’t hate it,” TJ looked at him, a huge frown on his face. “I’m actually glad that you care. I just don’t like it that you’re seeing me like this.”

“I think we’ve seen each other however ‘like this’,” Cyrus quote with his hands before handing TJ back his test, “plenty of times.”

TJ smiled for once, “We have, haven’t we.” TJ reached for his phone and took off his phone case, confusing Cyrus for a second. TJ then pulled out the polaroid with their silly faces and handed it to him. “Here. Since I didn’t get to see you this morning.” Cyrus looked at the polaroid photo and smiled.

“Thank you,” Cyrus told him softly. TJ was the first to stand up and reached out his hand to Cyrus to help him up. Cyrus took it, but he still managed to stumble into him.

“I got you,” TJ said, holding Cyrus steady by the arms.

“Me, too,” Cyrus smiled at him as he planted his feet firmly on the ground. Cyrus and TJ stared at each other for a moment and the next thing they knew, they were hugging.

You know I went to school

And I'm nobody's fool

That is to say until I met you!

I know a little bit about a lot o' things

But I don't know enough about you

I know a little bit about biology

And a little more about psychology

I'm a little gem in geology

But I don't know enough about you

Chapter Text

They asked me how I knew my true love was true

I of course replied "something here inside cannot be denied"

(Please make sure to read the note above!)

TJ thought he could feel Cyrus’ heart hammer against him as he rested his chin on top of the short boy, but he painted himself lucky as it was. It was a blissful five seconds. TJ didn’t know why he pulled Cyrus in for that hug, but it felt right. Cyrus had done so much for him already. “Thank you,” TJ mumbled into Cyrus’ hair before pulling away. It became ridiculously hard to make eye contact, so he quickly turned towards the door.

“Yeah,” Cyrus whispered behind him, “that’s what friends are for.” The word friend bit into TJ’s throat, but he knew it was the truth. “I’ll come directly to Mrs. Pierson’s classroom after school, okay?” TJ knew there was no arguing with Cyrus, so he muttered another thanks before they exited the restroom and went back to class. When TJ walked in, nobody stared at him. He was starting to be glad that other people still found him scary. Jonah Beck was the only one who made eye contact with him, and he gave TJ a small nod and smile. TJ just gave a small nod back before sitting back at his desk. Mrs. Pierson immediately continued the lesson as if nothing had happened, and TJ was appreciated of a math teacher for once.

The rest of the day dragged for TJ. He didn’t know if time was moving slow on purpose, and if it was because he just wanted to see Cyrus after school. He knew it’d mostly be a one on one with Mrs. Pierson, but he felt a lot better knowing that Cyrus would be there with him.

When 3PM came, TJ walked into the math class where Cyrus and their teacher were already talking. They were laughing about something until they heard the door click. Mrs. Pierson smiled at him and said, “Hi, TJ. I’m really glad you decided to come.” TJ didn’t say anything and just went towards her and Cyrus. He took a seat next to Cyrus in the desks in from of Mrs. Pierson and noticed there were already papers set out. “Cyrus agreed to help me tutor you,” Mrs. Pierson told him, causing TJ to quickly turn to look at Cyrus. “He’s really good with the subject, and I think he’s the perfect one to help you out.” Cyrus gave a TJ a toothy grin that made TJ smile and shake his head.

For the next hour, Cyrus and TJ went through problems, over and over again. They didn’t get really far in going over the test, but by the end of it, TJ was able to do five of the problems without any help. He had gotten four of those wrong on the test. Cyrus was extremely happy to be able to help out, even if Mrs. Pierson did a lot of the work. TJ was also a lot more comfortable. Something about having a friend help out made everything less stressful and embarrassing.

“Okay, TJ,” Mrs. Pierson told him at four, “a lot of the practice you have to do will have to be at home. I’m not asking for hours every day. At least give yourself half an hour or forty minutes, and if you can’t figure something out, you have to ask. Got it?” TJ simply nodded at her, but she still smiled. “You have dyscalculia, correct?” TJ looked over at Cyrus who gave him a reassuring smile before nodding at her. “It’s fine, TJ. I’m here to help.”

-

TJ and Cyrus were walking home in silence, bird songs filling the air along with the occasional crow screaming. “How do you feel about the tutoring?” Cyrus asked him. “Do you feel okay with me being there?”

“It’s perfect,” TJ told him. “I think I feel a lot better having a friend there, you know?”

“I get you,” Cyrus said back, “I’m glad you don’t feel like I’m intruding.”

“You aren’t,” TJ shook his head, “trust.”

“Good,” Cyrus said. “What days do you work?”

“Saturdays, Mondays, Wednesday, and Thursdays right now since there’s no basketball. When the season starts, I’m going to work around practices and games if I have to.”

“If you have to?”

“Yeah, well,” TJ ran his fingers through his hair, wondering if he should just come clean. “If my dad finds a job, I shouldn’t have to keep mine. I really like it though, so I wouldn’t mind staying.”

“Oh, so you help around the house right now?” Cyrus asked him.

“Yeah. That’s also why Amber works. She’d quit right now if she could,” TJ laughed.

“I don’t think I can imagine The Spoon without her now,” Cyrus told him.

“Yeah, angry customers are it’s brand now,” TJ let out another snicker. “Anyways, do you want to go eat at The Spoon? My treat.”

“I’ll go, but I can pay,” Cyrus told him as they turned in the direction of The Spoon. The streets were dense, but they saw a familiar face every once in a while.

“Take it as a thank you, alright?” TJ ruffled Cyrus’ hair. “I owe you one.”

“If you insist,” Cyrus grinned, goosebumps running up his arms. “Have you made any new playlists, lately?”

“No,” TJ shook his head. “I just add songs to some.”

“Do you think you know every song in the world?” Cyrus asked him, making TJ smile like a little kid. Cyrus sounded so cute to him, and TJ really just wanted to squeeze him into another hug.

“Well,” TJ bit his lip to hide his smile, “that would mean I know every language in the world. Only knowing one language is a bitter curse.”

“You can still listen to music in different languages,” Cyrus bumped into his shoulder, making TJ smile.

“But I wouldn’t understand it,” TJ bumped back into Cyrus gently.

“So?” Cyrus bumped back into TJ. “You don’t listen to music, you feel it.” TJ let out a small chuckle and instead of bumping back into Cyrus, he put his arm around Cyrus’ shoulder.

“You have a certain way of thinking of things, Underdog,” TJ told him nonchalantly, causing Cyrus to turn red. TJ looked ahead, not noticing the sprawl of crimson on Cyrus’ cheeks. Cyrus didn’t know what to say, but he trusted that that was a compliment. The boys kept walking in silence for a few more minutes before they reached The Spoon. There were already familiar kids in the booths, and TJ waved in a few directions before sitting down with Cyrus in the booth in the corner. Amber was behind the counter, and she eyed them carefully. TJ did everything in his power to not look at her because of what they had talked about Friday night. He knew her like the back of his hand, and she would be talking about this for the next ten years.

“A lot of people know you,” Cyrus noted, telling TJ who was sitting across from him.

“Yeah,” TJ sat back, “perks of playing basketball I guess.”

“How long have you been playing basketball for?”

“As long as I can remember,” TJ smiled. “I remember having one of those little Fisher-Price basketball courts in my earliest memories.”

“What are you earliest memories?” Cyrus asked him, placing his face between his hands on propped up elbows.

“Amber,” TJ found himself nodding in Amber’s direction. To his relief, she was attending another table. “My great-grandpa dancing with Amber and me in a circle. The little basketball court was always around. Amber had this one doll that I threw in the mud once when I was mad at her, and my GG made me hand wash it. I was like four. That’s really my first memory.”

“Your GG sounds like he was a fun guy,” Cyrus told him with a small smile. TJ grinned.

“He was. He was really funny, and he’d try to learn our slang all the time. He always showed me old songs when I went over, and it was usually music I had heard a million times. I didn’t mind though. He was my favorite person. If it weren’t for him, I’d be all basketball and no music.”

“You should send me some of your playlists,” Cyrus told him. “I feel like I’m in a stagnant state with music right now.”

“Yeah, of course,” TJ told him with a grin. “I’ll send you some later.”

“Thanks, can’t wait,” Cyrus said before turning to Amber. She was approaching their table with her small notepad, and she was wearing a smile only TJ recognized. It meant she was going to fuck TJ up.

“Hello, boys,” she smiled at them.

“Hey, Amber,” Cyrus said. “You seem to be in a good mood today.”

“Oh,” she grinned directly at TJ who had sucked in his lips and begun glaring at her. “I am. What will you guys be having?” She took their orders and promised to quickly return with their drinks. They didn’t hold her word on that.

“Did something happen?” Cyrus asked TJ, watching Amber as she left. An annoyed customer stopped her before she could reach the kitchen, causing Cyrus to click his tongue.

“If something did happen, I don’t know about it,” TJ lied. Amber wouldn’t try anything odd with him. Right? She knew how deep he was in the closet. She was the only one that knew. She wouldn’t make it obvious to Cyrus that something was up. All TJ could do was hope and hold in the urge to pull Amber to the side. It’d only make Cyrus more suspicious that something was up.

“Is something wrong?” Cyrus asked TJ. TJ hadn’t noticed he had been furiously tapping his fingers on the table and looking off into the distance.

“Y-yeah,” TJ croaked, “I just have a song stuck in my head. Sorry. Anyways what are Buffy and Andi up to today?”

“Buffy is starting to scout girls for her team early so it won’t be a flop during actual try outs. She held something in the gym today,” Cyrus explained. “Andi is with Jonah at Ultimate practice.”

“Shouldn’t you be there?” TJ raised an eyebrow.

“Be where?” Cyrus asked, confused at what he meant.

“I mean,” TJ mumbled, “you’re always there for your friends at everything. Didn’t you do stuff for Jonah’s ultimate team all the time.”

“Yeah, I did and plan to continue, but like you said yourself, I’m always there for my friends. You needed me there afterschool today, so I was there. Also, Andi and Jonah are still kind of Rocky and I don’t think Buffy would want me around right now.”

TJ was sure that he was red, and he was covering his face, barely mumbling a, “Is she mad at you or something?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Cyrus shook his head and gave TJ an unconvincing smile. TJ had an odd suspicion on what it was.

“Is it because you hang out with me?” TJ asked softly, making Cyrus’ eyes go wide. Cyrus quickly shook his head and began avoiding eye contact. Cyrus started to pretend that he was looking for Amber which only made TJ more upset. “Please don’t lie to me, Cyrus. I can take it.”

Cyrus bit his lip before sighing, “Alright, Buffy said that I only talk to them over the phone now and that I’m always with you. She got even more upset when I told her I was going afterschool to help you with math and ditching The Space Otters. She was hoping I’d help ease out the tension Andi and Jonah have.”

“I’m going to be brutally honest, Underdog,” TJ quickly responded, startling Cyrus with his blunt tone. “I think they’re being selfish.” Cyrus stayed silent for a moment, looking TJ in the eye. He looked sad which made TJ feel bad. But Cyrus had a feeling he was right.

“Hello, hello,” Amber said merrily as she placed their drinks on the table. Cyrus and TJ didn’t even look at her, making Amber know she just walked in on something weird. “Food will be up soon,” she told them a little more quietly before walking away.

 “Look, Cyrus,” TJ sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “I know they’re your best friends, and I have no place telling you anything about people I hardly know. But I think they’re being unreasonable, and you need to call them out on it. You have no business having to fix Andi and Jonah’s relationship issues, especially if it makes you uncomfortable. As for Buffy, I am kind of upset because I thought we were cool. But even if you were to hang out with other people, they have no right getting mad. Although,” TJ frowned, “I think it’s just me.”

“I think,” Cyrus looked down at the table, “I think you’re right. I’m going to talk to my mom about it and then to them. She’s a psychologist, so I think she’ll be able to help me out. But…,” Cyrus looked up at him and smiled, “thank you for being blunt. I think I needed that.”

“Yeah,” TJ admired his smile, “no problem.” They both turned to their drinks and made small talk until Amber brought their food. Luckily for TJ, Cyrus didn’t notice that Amber had made a heart shape out of the baby tators on the plate before he messed up the shape.

They said "someday you'll find all who love are blind"

When your heart's on fire, you must realize smoke gets in your eyes

-

Cyrus got home around six, and he knew his mom wouldn’t have anymore patients for the day. He made his way into her office and found her writing a few things down. She looked up and smiled. “Hi, honey,” she smiled. “How was lunch with the girls?”

“Oh, I didn’t eat with them,” Cyrus told her as he took a seat across from her. “I ate with TJ.”

“Is that that boy where you had the accidental sleepover?” she laughed.

“Yeah,” Cyrus nodded with a grin. “That’s him.”

“Buffy told me he’s not very nice, but if you tend to see the good in everyone, so I trust your judgement.”

“Yeah,” Cyrus looked to the side, “he’s great.” He straightened up in his seat and looked at her, “Actually, mom. He said something that got me thinking, and I wanted to talk to you about it.”

“I’m all ears,” she told him softly. Cyrus told her about his situation with the GHC and how Buffy was supposed to be past the entire anti-TJ movement.

“I don’t know what to do,” Cyrus admitted.

“Be honest with them and tell them what you’re feeling,” she told him. “Only Buffy can tell you why she has backed up on her peace treaty with TJ. If I were you, I’d talk to Buffy alone. As for Andi and Jonah, I’m pretty sure they’re both still your friends. TJ is right, though. Their relationship is not your business.” Cyrus smiled and got up to give his mom a hug, thanking her before heading off to his room to shower.

When he got out, he had a text from one of his favorite people.

TJ: Hey Underdog. Have u talked to ur mom yet?

Cyrus: Yeah. Thanks for asking. I’m going to call Buffy and see if she wants to talk tomorrow.

TJ: That’s good. I’ll be cheering for you. If I need to apologize to her for anything let me know. I’ll go spit a few more verses.

Cyrus: I hope that won’t be necessary. It’d be kind of unfair tbh.

TJ: we were chill all summer which makes me wonder if I did something wrong.

Cyrus: Highly doubt it. We just have to wait and see what she says . I’ll ttyl. I’m going to call her

TJ: Have a good night Cy. Let me know if anything.

Cyrus: Good night :)

Cyrus scrolled up on their conversations and found the picture where they were both sleep before eyeing the new polaroid up on his cork board. He didn’t dare show Andi or Buffy either of those photos. They were really smart, and if they asked him if he liked liked TJ before he could ask the question to himself and have a crisis over it, it’d ruin everything. It would turn into chaos when they asked him, and TJ would suddenly appear, say that that was gross, push him into a mud puddle before leaving.

Cyrus shook his wet hair and dialed Buffy’s number. She answered after three rings, not sounding the happiest. “What, Cyrus? I’m really tired,” she told him, making Cyrus frown.

“I just wanted to know if I could talk to you tomorrow?” Cyrus asked her.

“I don’t know,” she bit back sourly. “I planned to have a meeting with the basketball girls tomorrow and you’ll probably be busy.”

“Buffy,” Cyrus spoke up, his words starting to cut Buffy, “we have to talk tomorrow. I don’t care what we both have going on, that conversation has to happen.” Buffy paused.

“Okay,” Buffy replied, not sounding as angry as before. “I’ll stop by your house at 7. We can walk together. Just us two or?”

“Just us two,” Cyrus told her, feeling a lot better that she had agreed.

“Alright,” she told him and then let out a laugh. “Since when are you assertive?”

“Me?” Cyrus laughed back. “Assertive as what? A leaf?”

“I’m serious, Cyrus,” Buffy told him, “you never talk like that.”

“I just really care about you and our friendship, okay?” Cyrus replied.

“Alright,” she laughed once more before growing silent. “Hey, Cyrus. Before I say goodnight, can I ask you a question, so I can sleep on it with a clear answer. It’s been bugging me.”

“Anything.”

“Do you like TJ? Like, in more than friends”

Anything but that.

Chapter Text

“Do you like TJ? Like, in more than friends?” Buffy asked him.

Anything but that.

“Does that really matter right now?” Cyrus tried to jump around the question. It was a mistake, and he automatically knew it.

“So you do?” Buffy almost whispered. Cyrus felt himself turn red, and it was an unpleasant feeling that went to his stomach. He really didn’t want to talk about it to anyone at all. It had taken forever for him to open up about Jonah, and he certainly didn’t want to rush himself into admitting something that could turn out to be something as simple as appreciation.

“No, Buffy,” Cyrus managed to say, “I don’t. But even if I did, that shouldn’t be important.”

“Well,” he heard Buffy hesitate, “it’s important to me. It changes a lot.” Change the topic. Change the topic. Change the topic.

“Are we talking right now or tomorrow morning? I don’t want to go to bed fighting with you.”

“We’re not fighting,” Buffy’s voice got louder.

“Well it sounds like we’re starting to,” Cyrus replied, his tone matching Buffy’s.

“Well, then,” Buffy stopped for a few seconds, “what do you want to talk about?”

Cyrus plunged right at it and asked her, “Do you not like TJ and me hanging out? You guys were cool. He hasn’t changed. If he has, he’s gotten a lot better, not worse.”

“Answer my first question,” Buffy brought it up again, making Cyrus rub his face in frustration.

Why is she suddenly thinking about things like this? I don’t even want to think about things like this!

“There should be absolutely no correlation between why you’ve gone from being on ‘we’re cool’ terms to ‘I hate you again.’ Please stop asking me that question,” Cyrus groaned.

“Well if you answered it, I wouldn’t have to ask it again.”

“You’re being really rude, Buffy. Maybe we should just talk tomorrow morning.”

“No!” Buffy suddenly shouted. She stayed silent for a fraction of a moment and then continued to speak in her regular voice, “Look, Cyrus. Please just answer that question. It’ll help me sort out my feelings.”

“What about my feelings?” Cyrus found himself asking. He knew he sounded like he was on the verge of crying. “You think it’s not upsetting to see you get worked up over something as small as me helping TJ with math. You’ve done it before. You know he needs help.” Buffy didn’t answer, so Cyrus asked her, “What difference will it make if I have a crush on TJ?”

“A lot, actually,” Buffy replied. “If you do, it means he’ll be your boyfriend and you’re going to pick him over us most of the time.” Cyrus felt that if he wanted to, he could’ve cried.

“We,” Cyrus took a deep breath, sitting down at the edge of his bed, “we never told Andi stuff like this.”

“Yeah but we were cool with Jonah,” Buffy tried to defend her stance. Cyrus knew he had her cornered, though. She didn’t sound so sure of herself.

“Well, you’re supposed to be cool with TJ. He rapped for you!” Cyrus reminded her. “You guys were cool all summer. Nothing should have had changed, Buffy.”

“Cyrus,” Buffy’s voice was the one shaking now, worrying Cyrus. “If you like him and he liked you back, I’m so scared he’s going to hurt you. He’s still not an angel, you know that, right?”

“Well, one,” Cyrus grumbled, in disbelief that he had to say these things, “he’s nice to us and especially to me. Two,” Cyrus’ voice was raised now as he said, “he’s the biggest heterosexual in Shadyside! Do you think I want to hurt myself like that again?” Buffy stayed quiet. Cyrus lowered his voice, looking over to make sure his door was shut, “I’m over Jonah. I’ve been. But it still hurt seeing him with Andi when I liked him. At the end of the day, I can’t catch feelings for TJ because I’ll hurt myself, and I’ll probably lose the good friendship we have. But let’s face it, Buffy. It’s you I have to worry about losing right now.”

“Cyrus…”

“I’m not going to stop being friends with TJ. He needs me right now, and I’m going to be there. I want you to be there, too. I want Jonah and Andi to be there. If we could get a little less hair gel on him, maybe he could even be part of the Good Hair Crew,” Cyrus tried to add in some humor. He knew it had worked when he heard Buffy chuckle. “Please, Buffy. If you’re just worried that I’m going to, I don’t know, fall in love with TJ and he’s going to hurt me, let it go. Please. I’m starting to believe TJ wouldn’t even hurt a fly. He has a cat named Macaroni for goodness sake!”

“Alright,” Buffy sighed. “I’m being dramatic.” Cyrus was a little taken aback. He couldn’t believe Buffy was admitting she was wrong, but he wasn’t going to rub that in.

“Yeah, you are,” Cyrus simply agreed. “I’d never chose my future boyfriend over you guys anyways. You know that, right?”

“Now I do.”

“Okay, there’s something else,” Cyrus added even though he felt exhausted.

He heard Buffy groan, “There’s more?”

“Yeah,” Cyrus said. “It’s about Jonah and Andi. I’m not going to meddle into their relationship. They can figure their own stuff out, and if they need our opinion, we’ll give it to them occasionally.”

“Yeah, I agree on that one,” Buffy told him.

“Good.”

“Good.” Cyrus knew there was something missing, but he wasn’t going to ask Buffy for it. Buffy wasn’t going to give it to him either way. “Anyways, just remember that I love you and you can tell me anything, okay?” Buffy told him.

“I love you, too,” Cyrus finally smiled. “Please just be honest next time.”

“Yeah, I was being stupid,” Buffy said. That was closest Cyrus was going to get to a ‘sorry.’ He knew it.

“You’re just looking out for me in your own Buffy way,” Cyrus told her, making her let out a quick laugh.

“I really am,” she told him. “Anyways, good night, Cyrus.”

“Goodnight, Buffy,” Cyrus said, hanging up. Cyrus fell back on his bed and looked at his blank ceiling. He didn’t think a phone call could be this draining. He sat back up and looked over at the black leathered journal sitting on his bedside drawer. He hadn’t written about TJ in there yet. He knew that when he did, it meant it was permanent. It meant TJ meant a lot more than something to him.

It means we’re just really good friends Cyrus told himself before standing up and getting the polaroid from his cork board. He grabbed a pen and some tape before opening his journal.

-

TJ was sitting across from Amber on her bed. She was typing up an essay while he worked on some of his problems. It took him about ten minutes to get through one sometimes. But when he got stuck, he’d just have to tap Amber’s ankle, and she’d help him. TJ always told Amber she sucked out all the math abilities from the womb and left him with the random ability to remember specific yet mostly irrelevant things. TJ didn’t give a damn when Pangea stopped being Pangea, yet he knew it was 200 million years ago. It sometimes pissed him off.

TJ’s phone buzzed next to Amber’s on her cluttered desk across the room. It was the only part of her room that still had a lot of little knick-knacks, mostly things he recognized from their childhood.

“You can’t answer it until you’re done with your homework,” she reminded him of their rule. TJ rolled his eyes and went back to his wrinkled math test. He had a feeling it was Cyrus, and it made him wish he could speed through math. That was the issue about math. It always had a specific answer. He could go knock on a scientist’s door, say fuck you, Pangea broke up 150 million years ago, and it might be right if he convinced enough people. But no, math only had one answer. Unless it had right two answers, of course. X and Y were the power couple everyone hated. Either way, he couldn’t guess on a problem. He couldn’t fake his way out of it.

He continued to work, finding himself doing problems with somewhat more ease. He had finished that day’s homework with Amber’s help, and he was redoing the test. Mrs. Pierson said something about letting him retake it if he was interested, and he wasn’t going to let her or Cyrus down. About twenty minutes after the phone had buzzed, he circled the problems he had skipped that even Amber couldn’t remember how to solve. There was only a few. He closed the purple highlighter and handed his test to Amber who was finishing up her conclusion.

“I can’t believe you already have an essay due,” he told her as he repeatedly smothered his papers into her laptop until she grabbed them.

“I just got one of those English teachers that lives off the souls of tired high school kids, no biggie,” she smiled and took the paper. She went over his work for a few minutes while he looked around her room again. It was a lot more empty.

“Your room looks like you’re ready to move or something,” TJ commented.

“It’s just nice to declutter,” she told him, as she placed his test on a notebook and began to write on a sticky note. She fixed his mistakes on a sticky note so he would be able to go back and fix things. “Here,” she handed it to him. Almost done. Just that one.” TJ fixed the problem and started putting his things in his backpack. Amber watching him closely the whole time. “Are you expecting a text from Cyrus?” she asked him, making him stop what he was doing. He kept his eyes on his backpack not wanting to turn to look at her. “You guys look cute together,” she said, making TJ’s face heat up.

“I just,” TJ put up his hand to his mouth, causing Amber to giggle.

“If you just admit that you like him, it’ll get easier,” she told him gently. “I promise.” TJ put his hand down and rested them on his lap. He had liked two boys before but neither of them were like Cyrus. Nobody was like Cyrus. He had told Amber about both of them, and he had gotten over them fairly quickly without getting hurt terribly. Amber was the only one who knew he liked guys. It wasn’t that hard for him to hide anyways. Shadyside and all the US society seemed to have a stereotype for gay people, and he didn’t fit the match. It made things easier, but he often dug in the future and wondered that when he was out, if people were going to say he didn’t “look” gay.

Amber was the one that rejected girls that messaged him. He felt like he’d be too nice and give them the wrong impression. Amber always asked him if anyone wondered why the handsome captain of the basketball team had never had a girlfriend. There were definitely girls who wanted to turn the school bully into a “cuddly bunny.” At least that’s what Amber told him.

“Earth to TJ,” Amber snapped her fingers.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

“Look,” Amber smiled at him, “it’s the most obvious thing in the world that you like Cyrus. Even Buffy see’s it.” TJ’s heart skipped.

He slightly popped his neck as he turned to her, “Buffy?”

“She texted me and asked me about putting up flyers in The Spoon, and we kept talking. I might have ended up sending her the photo where you guys were asleep,” she gave him a worried smile, flashing both sets of teeth. TJ glared at her and bit his lip. “I didn’t think it was anything bad, honestly. Like maybe Cyrus had already shown her. It’s a cute ‘guys being dudes’ pics I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything bad,” TJ shook his head. He wasn’t going to get mad at her for something like that.

“Well,” Amber gave him a tight-lipped smile, “that’s when Buffy asked me if you liked him. I said I highly doubted it and that you were just really cool with Cyrus because he helped you. I switched it on her though.”

TJ raised an eyebrow at her, “What do you mean?” 

“I asked her if Cyrus liked you.”

“Amber!” TJ gasped in horror. Amber let out a laugh and put up a pillow in front of her face. “You can’t just ask Buffy things like that! She’s going to think I really do like him.” TJ let out an inhumane groan that made Amber laugh.

“Well you do,” Amber lowered the pillow to look at TJ’s face. He was freaking out.

“Well I never admitted it,” TJ crossed his arms like a little kid, making Amber roll her eyes.

“Come on, TJ. She just told me she didn’t think so and we left it at that, I swear. I doubt she’ll blow it out of proportion.”

“Did you just meet Buffy?” TJ asked her in disbelief.

“We both kind of did.”

“I mean,” TJ rubbed his eyes with his hands in circular motion, starting to hope that he had teleported to another world when he looked up again. He didn’t. “Buffy was being weird with Cyrus today, and I feel like it’s because of that. If she brings that up,” TJ frowned, “it’s going to make everything weird. I just know it.” Amber just looked at TJ with a grin that made TJ wanted to roll off her bed.

“TJ,” she chuckled, “you’re so… awkward. You weren’t like this when you had a crush on Davis and Marc.”

“Well I was in elementary school so,” TJ shrugged, giving Amber a mournful look. Amber was just sitting there, having the time of her life.

“I thought Marc was early 6^th grade?” she raised a brow, bringing her hand to her cheek.

“Same thing,” TJ grumbled.

“What makes Cyrus so different that you’re just scared of saying you have a crush on him?”

“Because,” TJ whispered. He stopped and tried to think of a reason. But he really didn’t.

“Are you scared he might like you back?”

“God, Amber. I’d be the happiest person if he liked me back. But I don’t even know if he likes guys. Didn’t he date your friend Iris?”

“That doesn’t mean anything, though.”

“I just don’t want to scare him off.”

“You scare everyone but him off. And Buffy. She asked me if we were vampires.”

“Say yes. Maybe she’ll come put me out of my misery,” TJ moaned.

“You’re such a drama queen,” Amber rolled her eyes. “Just go answer your crush.” TJ got up from her bed and mad his way towards the desk. He picked up his phone and sure enough, he had a text from Cyrys.

Cyrus: Just got off the phone with Buffy. The convo was a littleee bit more intense than expected but we good now

TJ: good. I was getting worried.

TJ: Was it anything I did????

Cyrus: I don’t think she liked you denying ur a vampire

TJ: shocker. Can drink blood in peace in this town I swear

Cyrus: do you drink tomato juice?

TJ smiled at his phone screen, laughing at Cyrus’ comments. “Hey, TJ,” Amber told him, making him look up. “You don’t have to tell me you have a crush on Cyrus. I think your smile says it all.”

“Oh, shut up,” TJ rolled his eyes, a small smile breaking onto his lips.

Well, alright, okay, you win

I'm in love with you

Baby, what can I do?

I'll do anything you say

It's just got to be that way

-

It was nearly ten o’clock when Cyrus had told TJ goodnight. Before that, Cyrus had told him he was proud of him for doing his math homework, making TJ feel like a giddy dork on the inside. It felt good to have someone tell him he was doing good. He hadn’t had a conversation with his parents in a few days, so Cyrus and Amber were all he had.

TJ stood up on his bed and reached for the polaroid of him and Cyrus on his ceiling. The second he pulled it off, Amber walked into his room, scaring him. TJ quickly sat back down and slid the photo under his pillow. He should’ve given up the minute Amber walked in.

“What is that?” Amber grinned.

“What’s what?” TJ furrowed his brows, sitting up and then sitting back down on the pillow. 

“If it’s the polaroid of you two together, you’re whipped,” she laughed and took a seat at his desk. TJ saw no point in hiding it anymore, so he let out an audible annoyed huff before moving and taking out the photo. It was the one where they were simply smiling but something about it made him want to stare at it forever. They just looked like good friends, and TJ felt like he was okay with that.

“I think he looks good in this photo,” TJ thought out loud, immediately clasping his hand over his mouth as Amber let out an ‘aww.’

“I think it’s cute that you like him,” Amber smiled at him as she played with a Rubix cube he had on his desk.

“Sometimes it doesn’t feel cute,” TJ mumbled. “You know, knowing that nothing can’t ever happen.”

“You’re so pessimistic, I swear. As soon as you say “no” to something, you never want to change your mind.”

“Well, we don’t exactly come from the most optimistic family. Let’s see. Nana has seen everyone she loves die and hates most of dad’s side.”

“She’s a million years, old, okay? Plus, was going to see GG die eventually.”

“Dad is probably still upset that his heavy metal band never got a break.”

“They were called the Black Collared Workers, and he had to get a day job as a white collared worker. The irony probably hurts him.”

“Mom didn’t want kids and she got stuck with two of us.”

“Technically, she could’ve put us up for adoption.”

“Oh yeah. Because GG was going to let her.”

“As soon as GG saw I was a girl, he was probably like, ‘Shit. I guess I have a new dancing partner. Oh wait? There’s a boy? Hell yeah. Let’s go fishing.’”

“I still danced with GG,” TJ laughed, smiling at a photo of the old man on his ceiling. TJ looked like him a lot. It pleased their Nana who was their GG’s daughter- mostly because she didn’t want her grandkids to look like the Kippen’s. TJ bit his lip before turning to Amber and asking, “Do you think GG would’ve been fine with me being gay?”

Amber smiled at him, “I think GG would’ve driven us to Pride if we asked him. So yeah, TJ. I really do.” TJ gave her a tight-lipped smile before looking at the photo of Cyrus in his hand.

“I really like Cyrus, you know?”

“I know.”

All that I am askin'

All I want from you

Is just love me like I love you

And it won't be hard to do

If you're going to be my man

Sweet baby, take me by the hand

Chapter Text

Cyrus found himself still lying awake in his dark room. His blanket had been thrown to the side, and he was sweating. He made his way to his restroom, and when he was washing his hands, he looked up at his mirror. He looked exhausted. He had told TJ goodnight and his intentions were to fall asleep right away like he had for the last few years. It was a gift Andi and Buffy always told him that they envied.

Only he couldn’t.

He kept thinking about his conversation with Buffy and wondered if there was anything that they had done that made her ask that question. What had put the idea in her head?

The only thing that drove him crazier was that he couldn’t get the idea out of his head. When had put the polaroid of him and TJ in his journal, he doodled a heart on the side without thinking. He quickly turned it into a shaded in circle and shut his journal.

He didn’t want to like TJ. He couldn’t like TJ. He didn’t want to be feeling all those butterflies and how his cheeks managed to feel hotter around him even though it was already 90 degrees outside. TJ was the human version of the sun to him, and it was getting harder to look at him. Cyrus couldn’t help but notice the few freckles that dotted his nose. Green was becoming a prettier color to him, and he didn’t want to know if it was because that was the color of TJ’s eyes. Their height difference was becoming a lot more noticeable to him, too. Thinking about their height difference killed him. It was when he wondered if he’d have to stand on his tippy toes to kiss him.

He would do absolutely anything to stop thinking about TJ.

Only it was getting harder.

It was kind of starting to hurt, too. It was the same longing he felt in his chest when he saw Jonah. His obstacle from being with Jonah was Andi and the probable fact that Jonah didn’t like boys. His obstacle with being TJ was simply that he didn’t like boys- making it easier to lose their friendship. If Jonah had found out, he was probably going to say “oh sorry” and then proceed to still be friends with him because of the Good Hair Crew.

If TJ found out, Cyrus had already built 22 different scenarios of it going horribly wrong. Only one of them included a “Sorry, Cyrus. I don’t like guys. But let’s still be friends.” Only, they didn’t ever speak again after that. Cyrus felt like he was driving himself mad thinking of it.

Cyrus made his way back into his room and threw himself at his bed. He hadn’t checked the time in a while, so he unplugged his phone from the charger on his bedside table. He let out a sigh as he realized it was 2:02AM. He felt curse. He had never stayed up for no reason, not even when he liked Iris or Jonah. If anything, he wanted to go to sleep to avoid the fact that he didn’t like kissing Iris as cool as she was. He wanted to fall asleep so that he could dream of another world where Jonah liked him.

But now all he could do is stay away and live in the world where TJ Kippen didn’t like him.

Cyrus shut his eyes once more, his phone gripped in his hand. He tried to fall asleep, and he knew it wasn't working. He slightly picked his head up and slammed it back down repeatedly on his pillow, hoping it'd be enough to take him out. It didn't work.

He began thinking about TJ again as he gave up and lay there. He thought about how he was actually putting in a lot more effort into his math. It made him smile.

Then he remembered.

Cyrus: Hey TJ r u awake?

In less than a minute, there was a response on his phone.

TJ: Yes but u shouldnt be

Cyrus: i can't sleep

TJ: why not?

Because of you!

Cyrus: honestly im not sure. i just have a lot of things running through my mind

You.

TJ: Do you want to talk about it?

Cyrus: I don't think so. I don't even know y i texted u in the first place tbh. sorry

TJ: youre good. i dont fall asleep until like 4am

Cyrus: oh man thats too late kgfdjgfdg

TJ: lmao i didnt think youd ever fall asleep past 10

Cyrus: i never do. i have a strict need for at least 7 hrs of sleep or ill die

TJ: looks like ur gonna die

Cyrus: please release a white dove at my funeral. make it two so it won't be lonely. Im being honest rn. im chugging a gallon of coffee tomorrow i swear. how do u do it everyday

TJ: I don't have a choice most of the time lmao. i just deal with it and let it slowly try to kill me

Cyrus: so u havent died bc you're a vampire?

TJ: u can say that. Hey can I call you instead? Im lazy

Cyrus: ye

“No,” Cyrus groaned. Hearing his voice was going to make everything feel worse. His phone started buzzing and he quickly answered it. He had never been happier about having soundproof walls. He didn’t want his parents asking what he was doing up so late talking to TJ.

“Hey,” TJ mumbled. Cyrus thought his sleepy voice was going to knock him out cold right then and right there.

“Hey, vampire,” Cyrus teased, making TJ chuckled in response.

“You sound awfully happy.”

“I’d be happier if I was asleep but I guess a late night conversation with my good pal TJ won’t kill me.”

“I’m starting to wonder if you really made up with Buffy,” TJ hummed. His voice was groggy yet Cyrus ate up every single one of his words. This was definitely a bad decision. “Did you?”

“I did,” Cyrus sighed. He was starting to wonder if he should tell him the real reason he couldn’t sleep. No. Then I’d have to tell him the idea of us liking each other is keeping me awake. But…. I don’t like him so it wouldn’t matter would it?

“We’re all cool right? I was wondering if she wanted to get her girl team to practice with mine.”

Cyrus grinned, “That’s actually be great. You should talk to her about it. I swear she’s not angry.”

“Why was she acting up with you then?”

“Stupid reasons. She admitted it herself. She’s scared of… something.”

“Buffy? Scared?” TJ scoffed. “Of what? Her reflection?” TJ paused and then said, “Sorry, that was mean.” Cyrus ended up laughing.

“No, it’s fine. She’s more worried you can say.”

“Of what?”

Of us falling in love, getting married, adopting kids, and living next door to her.

“Of us getting closer I guess.”

“So, she’s jealous?” TJ asked. Cyrus stopped himself for a moment. He hadn’t thought about it that way. He did make it clear he’d never pick anyone over her and Andi, though. He wouldn’t.

“Well we cleared it up, so I don’t think so.”

“Did she,” TJ hummed for a moment, “say anything else?” Cyrus raised an eyebrow. Did TJ know something else?

“Why are you asking?”

“Um…. Just curious.”

“You sure?”

“Well,” TJ added hesitantly. “I don’t know. I guess Amber and Buffy talked.”

“Buffy and Amber? Like my Buffy?”

“No, Buffy Summers. Yes, your Buffy,” TJ chuckled. “I guess that Amber showed her that photo where we both fell asleep and um,” TJ’s voice got lower, “I think that’s why she started acting up. Acting up is the right phrase to use but it’s 2AM. Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Cyrus barely managed to say. His heart was beating fast and he was filling up with dread. Did TJ know exactly what Buffy was thinking?

“But did she say anything weird?” TJ asked again. Cyrus realized there were only 22 ways this could go wrong, and then chances of triggering one wasn’t that high. He was also half asleep and his “fuck it” senses were quite activated.

“By weird do you mean her asking me a million times about the idea of us dating?” Cyrus quickly spit out, hoping TJ might miss the word ‘dating’. There was a moment of complete silence for almost twenty seconds. Cyrus palms were feeling sweaty, so he put his phone on speaker and lay it on the pillow next to him.

“Yeah, that,” TJ finally said. “I think it was because of Amber, to be honest.”

“I mean everything makes sense, now,” Cyrus replied. “I was getting worried about some dumb stuff. I think that’s why I couldn’t sleep.” He felt a lot more relieved. So he and TJ hasn’t done something that made it seem like they had “more than friends” intentions. It was just a conversation between Buffy and Amber that sparked something in Buffy.

“So you do know why you can’t sleep,” TJ told him, discarding the dating topic.

“Well, kind of. I mean Buffy and I actually fought over this. We never fight.”

“Just because her and Amber conspired that we liked each other?” TJ scoffed. “They do know that will never happen right?” Those words seemed to chew right through Cyrus’ heart strings.

“Yeah… yeah,” Cyrus cleared his throat. “I mean we fixed it. She realized she was being dumb. She admitted it, too.”

“Did she apologize?”

“No. I don’t expect her to. It’s Buffy.”

“It’s Buffy isn’t a good excuse, Underdog. If I drain the blood out of a kindergartner, nobody is going to say, ‘Well, it’s just TJ.’ Are they?”

“One, they’re totally different. Two, one of them is completely unrealistic.” He wished TJ wasn’t so blunt sometimes. It made him come face to face with the feelings and thoughts he always shoved in the back of his head.

“Buffy apologizing every once in a while shouldn’t be unrealistic.”

“Well,” Cyrus sighed. “I don’t feel like she owes me an apology, okay?”

“If you’re comfortable with lying to yourself, sure.”

“I’m so comfortable with lying to myself, I’d convince myself that I love myself.”

“Self-deprecating humor, huh. Nice”

“Thanks. It’s a specialty. My brain is full of it.”

“That’s nice. My brain is full of useless facts.”

“Like what?”

“Like a cat named Stubbs was the mayor of Alaska from 1997 until his death.

“TJ, I know I don’t cuss, but literally. What the fuck,” Cyrus softly chuckled, causing TJ to erupt with laughter. Cyrus rarely heard TJ laugh like this, but it was music to his ears. He really did hate the way TJ made him feel like he was floating on the clouds. He was starting to get sleepy now.

“I can’t remember how to do long division, but I honestly can remember the dumbest things,” TJ said, starting to mumble again. “Hey, Underdog. Have you started reading The Giver yet?”

“No,” Cyrus yawned. “We don’t need to be up to chapter five until Friday.”

“Want me to read it to you until you fall asleep? You sound like you’re going to pass out any minute now.”

“But then I won’t remember where I was before I fell asleep,” Cyrus moaned.

“Don’t argue. I’m already getting my book,” TJ told him. Cyrus could hear TJ shuffling around the bedroom. “Alright. Chapter one…” TJ read to him for what felt twenty minutes before he couldn’t remember anything but the lightness of dream.

-

And now the purple dusk of twilight time

Steals across the meadows of my heart

TJ was in the middle of chapter two when he heard light snoring. He smiled and whispered, “Goodnight, Underdog.” He hung up the phone and set the book back inside of his backpack before shutting off the lights. He went back under his covers and checked his phone for the time. It was 3AM, and he could hear the distant yet familiar arguing from downstairs. He had blocked it out for almost an hour thanks to Cyrus and Lois Lowry. TJ put the sides of the pillows to cover his ears and closed his eyes.

He knew time had passed when his eyes blasted open at the sound of a door slamming shut. The front door downstairs. He then registered the soft crying. Amber’s crying. He sat straight up and saw that Amber was at the end of his bed, her back against the wall.

“Amber?” TJ rubbed his eyes. “What’s going on?”

“Dad left,” she whispered. TJ stopped moving. Was he hearing wrong?

High up in the sky the little stars climb

Always reminding me that we're apart

You wander down the lane and far away

Leaving me a song that will not die

“What?”

“Dad left. I heard them fighting in the bedroom like twenty minutes ago and he was packing his stuff,” she covered her face as she started to bawl. TJ lowered his hand and crawled over and put his arm around her. Amber shared a wall with their parents. TJ at least had the guest room in between which spared him a lot. Amber had always had it the worst.

“He’ll come back,” TJ whispered, his eyes starting to burn with tears. “He’ll come back.” Amber kept crying, her sobs eventually turning into wails. All TJ could do was sit there and hug her. He hadn’t even checked what time it was. He didn’t know if Amber had fallen asleep. It was getting hazy and everything felt a million times heavier. Amber’s sobs would die down and then increase suddenly, and he failed at trying not to cry. The only thing he heard was crying and the cars that would pass by in the streets. There was a ghostly silence emitting from the entire house. “He has to come back.”

Amber fell asleep after a long while, but TJ stayed wide awake. He gently laid her down before positioning himself next to his window. He was sitting with his back flat on his poster-covered wall, his eyes switching between watching Amber sleep and staring at the photos on his ceiling. He couldn’t really see them. It was still dark outside, and he didn’t know what he was waiting for. As soon as the sun beams started burst through the window and hit his bedsheets, he knew. He reached out a hand and let the light beam of sunshine hit his hand. There were striped shadows from the blinds wrapping around his skin. He let out a half-smile before closing his eyes. Everything will work out the way it’s meant to be he told himself. His GG always said that the rising sun meant a new era. He knew he wasn’t lying because the day he died, the sunrise turned the skies orange. It was his GG’s favorite color.

The music of the years gone by.

Sometimes I wonder, how I spend

The lonely nights

Dreaming of a song

The melody

Haunts my reverie

And I am once again with you

TJ laid down next to Amber and closed his eyes, almost immediately falling asleep. It didn’t feel like he had slept for more than a few minutes, but it was 6:30AM when he woke up to Amber turning off his alarm clock. He hadn’t even covered himself with the blankets, and he was cold. Amber stood up with her hands wrapped around herself as she shivered.

“Get ready, okay?” she told him, her teeth chattering. She looked horrible, and TJ knew he did, too. He simply nodded his head, and she made her way out of his room. He didn’t want to get up. He was exhausted and drained. It was a different type of tired where everything felt heavy and his throat felt dry. His eyes hurt every time he blinked. He had no idea how he was going to make it through the entire day. He still had work that afternoon, and he definitely could not skip right now.

He stood up anyways and got dressed. He went out into the hall and heard the sink running in the restroom. Amber was going to be a while. He went back into his room and got his hair gel from his bag and started doing his hair in there to get that over with. When he was done, he heard his phone vibrate. He reached over and smiled when he saw who it was from.

Cyrus: Good morning. I’m dead.

TJ: God I wish I were you right now

Cyrus: What time did u fall asleep??? I don’t even remember falling asleep.

TJ: u knocked out like at 3.

Cyrus: how much sleep did you get

TJ: idk like 2

Cyrus: 2 what? Hours

TJ: minutes

Cyrus: tj omg. Minutes?!!!!!

TJ: okay maybe like an hour or 2 I don’t really know.

TJ hesitated before sending the next text.

TJ: everything just sucks right now

Cyrus: hey I’m here if you need anything okay? We can talk about it over baby tators after tutoring if you’d like. My treat this time.

TJ: can’t. I have work.

Cyrus: I’ll walk you to work then. Sound good?

TJ: sounds perfect :^)

Cyrus: :o)

TJ heard the restroom door open, and he walked out to finish getting ready. Amber saw the smile on his face and raised an eyebrow, “Cyrus.” TJ shrugged, the smile not faltering. “Goofy boys,” Amber shook her head with a grin and walked back into her room.

When TJ finished getting ready, he walked down stairs to find Amber making them breakfast. He had heard their mom shuffling around in the master bedroom, so he knew she wasn’t downstairs.

“Eat up,” Amber told him as he sat down. “It’s almost seven, and I’m pretty sure we’re walking.” TJ didn’t say anything and gratefully ate the breakfast. They both ate in silence. TJ realized Amber didn’t have any makeup on and her hair was in a ponytail. He had seen himself in the mirror minutes ago, and he knew he didn’t exactly look like Prince Charming either.

They both turned to the kitchen doorway when their mom walked inside. She was still in her work uniform, and her hair was in a bun that was fall apart. Her eyes and nose were extremely red.

“I made breakfast,” Amber told her, not looking at her for longer than a second. TJ just saw her nod her head before walking to the coffee machine.

“You kids don’t have to go to school today,” she told them, her voice quiet yet rough. “I’ll call in.”

“I have to turn in an essay,” Amber quickly responded.

“Yeah,” TJ momentarily added, “I have tutoring after school.”

“Tutoring?” their mom turned to look at him. TJ sunk back a little in his seat. They had been told about his dyscalculia, but it was something they haven’t talked about in a while.

“Yeah,” TJ bit his lip. “I have it for math with a friend and Mrs. Pierson.” She simply nodded her head and went back to paying attention to the coffee machine. They were silent for the next few minutes as Amber and TJ kept eating, the clinking of dishes filling the air. Their mom watched them carefully as she drank her coffee. TJ checked his phone and told them, “I better get going.” He collected his and Amber’s dishes and placed them in the sink.

“I’ll wash them after I drop you kids off,” their mom putting her coffee on the counter. “Let me go get the keys.”

“We can walk if you want,” Amber told her delicately. She hadn’t taken them to school in ages. They called it an unnecessary waste of gas most of the time.

“No,” she shook her head. “I want to. At least today.” Neither TJ or Amber pressed the matter and just went to wait by the door. Amber’s eyes were already tearing up as they got to the door. TJ gave her a weak reassuring and smile which caused Amber to rub her eyes in an attempt of disguise. When the heard the keys rattling, Amber turned to their mom and said, “I have English second period. I might text you to pick me up.”

“I’ll be by my phone,” she said as they all walked out to the family car. TJ sat in the back seat and waited for the car to start moving. He felt ice cold even though fall had barely crept in, and it was making him want to sleep. He started considering skipping school. Mrs. Pierson would understand. Cyrus would, too. “Hey, um,” their mom gently said. “I just want you kids to know that I already talked to my boss. I’m getting shifts as I need them. I’m going to be responsible now, I swear. Nana and I talked. She’ll be on call if any of you two need anything, and I’m at work.” TJ knew Amber was crying again. It made him feel worse hearing her cry. Their mom started choking up, “Hey, I love you kids, okay? I’ve been a shitty mom lately, but we’ll get through this even if it’s just the three of us. I swear.”

He has to come back. He has to come back.

-

TJ was early to school; not a lot of kids had gotten dropped off. He walked into the cafeteria and got in line (it was only two kids in front of him). He was full already, but he eyed the chocolate chocolate chip muffins. He grabbed one and went back outside to sit at a picnic bench. He pulled out his phone and realized he already had a text from Cyrus.

Cyrus: hey I need to see you before class starts

TJ: im already at school sooo

Cyrus: im almost there. Where are u?

TJ: Benches by the cafeteria

TJ didn’t bother waiting for a response. He rested his head on his propped up arm and started closing his eyes. His eyelids felt so stiff, and he if tired had a taste, it was whatever parched feeling he had in his throat.

“Good morning!” Cyrus enthusiastically said, causing TJ to jump up startled.

“Hey!” TJ yelped. He quickly turned around to see if anyone had seen, but it was just kids minding their own business and Cyrus laughing. TJ smirked at Cyrus, “Proud that you scared the shit out of me?”

“Kind of, yes,” Cyrus grinned. He had two coffee shop drinks in his hands and one was half-way done. TJ assumed that’s where he got his energy. “Here,” Cyrus set the coffee in front of TJ. “I don’t know if you drink coffee, but I know you need it.”

“I’m usually an energy drink guy, but I tend to not splurge on them. Sleep is free energy,” TJ said and picked up the coffee. He studied the see-thru plastic carefully. He rarely got anything from the coffee shop. He didn’t know how to order it. Why couldn’t the sizes just be small, medium, and large?

“You’re not getting any sleep, and TJ, I mean this in the nicest way possible. You look exhausted. I’m so glad I chose today to get you this,” Cyrus gave TJ an apologetic look. TJ was half-asleep, so he just stared at Cyrus’ lips for a few seconds too long before remembering he was in a conversation.

“Uh, yeah,” TJ blinked furiously and set the coffee down, “thank you by the way. I owe you one.”

“No, you don’t,” Cyrus shook his head. TJ took a sip from the straw and immediately made a sour face.

“What is this, Underdog?” TJ smacked his lips a few times. It was super sweet at first, but he liked the aftertaste. He started drinking it again.

“I call it liquid cocaine. It’s 4 shots of expresso, and 4 pumps of white chocolate syrup over ice in a cold cup.”

“Sounds unhealthy.”

“You sleeping habits are unhealthy, TJ. You need to get more sleep.”

“Sounds fake.”

“TJ!” Cyrus whined.

“Fine, fine,” TJ rubbed his eyes. “I’ll take sleeping syrup or something.”

“Don’t abuse that stuff, though.”

“Do you want me to sleep or not?” TJ smiled, causing Cyrus to shrug.

“I guess,” Cyrus sighed. TJ felt nice for a change. Every time he realized Cyrus cared about him, it made everything feel better. Even if everything was a complete shit pile. “Hey we have time to talk if you want to tell me what’s wrong. Or we can wait until after school. If we don’t crash.” TJ looked around and bit his lip. If he didn’t make it to the end of the school day, it wasn’t going to be because of a caffeine crash. He was pretty good at hiding any emotional distress in person, but he didn’t know how long he’d be able to hold this in.

“I’ll just um…,” TJ bit his lip harder.

“We’ll talk after school,” Cyrus reached his hand across the table and squeezed TJ’s free hand. TJ felt himself turning red, but he didn’t reach out to cover his nose. He put the coffee down and set the abandoned muffin right in front of Cyrus.

“It’s for you.”

The nightingale

Tells his fairytale

Of paradise, where roses grew

Though I dream in vain

In my heart it will remain

My stardust melody

The memory of love's refrain.

Chapter Text

Cyrus went through the day keeping his eye TJ. He looked really sad. The caffeine helped both of them not fall asleep during class, but it didn't bring out Cyrus' favorite smile out of TJ. Cyrus just hoped that they wouldn't have a horrible crash. That was the last thing TJ looked like he needed.

"You okay, Cyrus?" Buffy asked him at lunch. He was looking around for TJ and his friends. He needed to see TJ was still up and functioning.

"Yeah," Cyrus looked back at his friends. "Just worried about TJ." Buffy bit her lip but didn't say anything.

"Is something wrong with him?" Jonah asked. Him and Andi were in a good place right now.

"I don't know, honestly," Cyrus shrugged. "We agreed to talk after tutoring." He then quickly turned to Buffy who was already making a face, "I swear I'll make it to your girls’ team thing right after. He has to work anyways." Buffy gave him a genuine smile and nodded.

"Don't worry about it. I can handle it on my own," Buffy ruffled Cyrus' hair.

"I want to be there, though. My best friend is making history," Cyrus exclaimed. "No... herstory!"

Buffy smirked, "Not to brag, but I really am."

"You should brag about it," Andi told her, "you're changing the world, Buffy Driscoll."

"One homerun at a time," Cyrus confidently said.

"Wrong sport, Cyrus," Buffy laughed and shook her head.

"Ugh, really?" Cyrus frowned. "Why do we need so many sports for, honestly?"

"So we can fight about which one is the superior one," Buffy replied.

"Frankly, none are," Cyrus gave a sour face.

"Cyrus, Cyrus, Cyrus," Buffy put her arm around him. "So defenseless. So cute. Anyone could just eat you up."

"I'd prefer not to be," Cyrus smiled and looked out into the cafeteria. He caught a quick glimpse of TJ who was with his basketball friend. He sighed in relief before hopping into their conversation about Little Red Riding Hood and The Three Little Pigs. Jonah had mixed up the stories.

-

After school, TJ and Cyrus met up in Mrs. Pierson's classroom. Cyrus studied TJ's face carefully and thought he could measure how deep his eyebags were. TJ's eyes didn't seem as bright as there were literally 24 hours ago. Something bad must've had happened, and TJ had stuck through the whole day somehow.

"TJ you got really far on the test," Mrs. Pierson smiled.

"Yeah, my sister helped me out for the most part," TJ said and started ripping off sticky notes.

"I'm glad you're taking this seriously. As long as you ask for help, I'll be ready to give it," she told him with a smile. TJ simply nodded his head. Cyrus could've sworn he almost smiled. She and TJ worked individually while Cyrus worked on his own homework. He didn't jump in once that day, and he didn't question why. They had had more work the day before either way.

Thirty minutes later, Mrs. Pierson told TJ he could retake the test the next day after school. That put the smallest smile on TJ's face as he thanked her. The news made Cyrus ecstatic as well.

"Well, TJ. Just do today's homework and look over the test again. It'll be a mix of the new and old questions, got it?" she told him.

"Yeah, thank you, Mrs. P," TJ nodded his head as he put his stuff away.

"Of course. I'm happy to help," she smiled at them both. Cyrus gave her a polite smile as he waited by the door for TJ. TJ approached him with a thin-lipped smile.

"Ready?" Cyrus asked.

"Yeah," TJ softly said before walking out the door with him. The walked through the dense halls quietly until they reached the entrance. "Your liquid cocaine got me through the day," TJ told him. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it. I appreciate you putting me to sleep last night like a baby," Cyrus snickered, causing a small smile to appear on TJ's face.

"The Giver isn't that bad," TJ defended the book he had read him.

"Jonas is like Jonah in some ways."

"Is that bad?"

"Not bad, bland."

TJ erupted in laughter, "You're really snappy when you want to be."

"What's that supposed to be?"

"You're not as sweet as a muffin."

"Is that what the world thinks of me? Is my whole personality belittled to just being a chocolate chocolate chip muffin?"

"You're like the human version of hand sanitizer."

"Only uptight weirdos are obsessed with hand sanitizer."

"Okay but if you think about it, sanitizer burns cuts pretty bad."

"You're right," Cyrus chuckled. "I guess that's not too bad." They reached the sidewalk and started heading towards TJ's work. It was a good fifteen-minute walk. "What time does your shift start?"

"At four,” TJ told him. “I have some time to kill.”

“To talk?” Cyrus asked.

“Yeah,” TJ whispered, barely audible for Cyrus to hear. He had moments where he sounded really sad, and it made Cyrus clench his own fists. It was upsetting. TJ wasn’t exactly the cheeriest person in the world, but he deserved to be. Cyrus numbly walked next to TJ, their shoulders occasionally bumping. Cyrus became lost in his own trail of thoughts until he felt TJ loosely grab onto his hand. Cyrus quickly turned his head to look up at the boy, but TJ had a straight face and didn’t look at him. He kept walking, now tugging at Cyrus who stopped for half a second before following him. Cyrus readjusted his hands so that they were firmly clasped in TJ’s, and he walked closer to the taller boy, their hands concealed between them. Cyrus couldn’t help but smile. He tried not to get too carried away because he’d surely look like a creepy clown if kept smiling.

Friends hold hands all the time. This is nothing out of the ordinary. Totally normal. Doesn’t mean anything mushy. TJ just needs to know I’m here for him.

They walked in complete silence, eventually reaching the same bench that they were at not that long ago. TJ didn’t let go of Cyrus’ hand when they sat down, and Cyrus wasn’t going to let go over it either. TJ absentmindedly looked around, and there weren’t that many people passing by. Cyrus took note of how he would occasionally nibble on his bottom lip and then let go. TJ’s legs were dancing up and down. Cyrus had never seen TJ look so unsettled and lost.

“I’m not going to judge anything you say, okay?” Cyrus squeezed TJ’s hand. Cyrus was looking at the side of TJ’s face. He hadn’t made eye contact in the longest, and he wanted to see his eyes- even if they were sad at the moment.

“Promise?” TJ asked, starting to pull Cyrus’ hand up to his lap. Cyrus raised an eyebrow as he saw TJ take his hand between both of his and start messing with his fingers. He didn’t question it or pull away as TJ studied his hand religiously and would occasionally run his fingers through the ends of Cyrus’ fingernails. Some were longer than the others as he had bitten them shorter.

“I promise,” Cyrus finally told him back.

“My parents have been fighting for months. My dad lost his job, and he’s had trouble getting one in Shadyside. Amber and I started working to be able to pay off our school stuff and some groceries. My mom took extra shifts. We were all tired and frustrated. We’ve been. Amber got it the worst, though. She was always in the middle, and she’d hear everything. I tried not to be home as often as I could, so like an idiot, I preferred to be ignorant and just let the situation pass.”

“I don’t think that makes you an idiot,” Cyrus softly told him. TJ sucked on his top lip and stopped playing with Cyrus’ hand for a quick moment.

He proceeded the fiddling and story, “Well, Amber ended up going to therapy. I didn’t want to go and said I didn’t need it. After my dyscalculia thing, I was already freaked out about being… I don’t know, helpless and weird.”

“Therapy doesn’t make you any of those things.”

“I know. I wish I would’ve gone with Amber. She seems better. I might start going with her. I don’t know,” TJ sighed and stilly held Cyrus’ hand between both of his. “My dad got all of his things and left in the middle of the night. Maybe it was like 4 or 5AM, I don’t know really. I hadn’t seen him in a few days already. I hadn’t seen my mom much either. My dad had been trying to get a job out of town, and I don’t think it went very well. So last night, they fought for hours. He ended up getting his stuff and leaving.”

“TJ,” Cyrus whispered, his heart aching, “I’m so sorry.” TJ lowered Cyrus hand onto his lap and held it with one hand as the other reached up to rub his eyes. “If you need to cry, I won’t judge you for that.”

“I’d rather not,” TJ sniffed, pressing hard into his eyes, now with both hands. Cyrus moved his hand to TJ’s shoulder and placed it there as TJ kept trying to stop his tears. A minute or two passed before TJ put his hands back on his lap and took a deep breath. “That’s just what’s going on. So yeah,” he bit his lips and stared down at the palms of his hand. Cyrus reached out this time and took one of TJ’s hands in his.

“Well I’m going to be here for you through it all, okay?” he reassured him.

“Thanks, Cyrus,” TJ gave Cyrus the smallest of smiles. Cyrus smiled back, but it really did screw with him seeing TJ looking so sad. TJ let go of Cyrus’ hand and reached back to scratch his head, “I should get to the gym.”

“Yeah, I’m going to go help Buffy with her basketball team.”

“How are you going to help exactly?” TJ smirked.

Cyrus rolled his eyes, “Okay, I don’t know anything about sports, but I run a pretty mean hydration station and,” Cyrus pulled out a strip of Band-Aids from his jacket pocket, “I’m always prepared.”

“You’re something else, Underdog,” TJ grinned before standing up. “Catch you later.”

“See you,” Cyrus looked up at the boy. TJ ruffled Cyrus’ hair before shoving his hands in his pockets and walking away to the crosswalk. Cyrus had forced him to use it the first time they went there even though there were no cars around. TJ looked back for a moment before crossing the street. Cyrus leaned back in the bench for a second for getting up to go.

-

Buffy had eight girls interested in the team so far. Buffy said that the first day it was only five, and she was expecting that the number would increase. They had been in the school’s gym that day, and Cyrus ended up falling asleep on the bleachers. Buffy knew what she was doing. She woke up Cyrus by jabbing him all over his body, causing Cyrus to scream loudly.

“Buffy!” Cyrus held his sides. He let out a groan when he felt a wave of pain go through his head, “You could’ve shaken me.”

Buffy laughed, “Come on, let’s go. Do you want to go eat?”

“I don’t think so,” Cyrus frowned. “I’m feeling this entire caffeine crash go through my entire body like I’ve been eating cold crunchy steel.”

“Crunchy steel?” Buffy raised an eyebrow and giggled. “You’re being dramatic. My mom’s out front. We’ll get you home.” Cyrus got up and swung his backpack on, only to have it slide of and fall.

“I hate my life, Buffy,” Cyrus frowned and kicked his backpack. Buffy shook her head and picked up the backpack, putting the slings through her own arm.

“Come on, Cyrus,” Buffy put her other arm around him and started to walk. “How’s TJ.”

“He has issues right now,” Cyrus frowned. “I can’t tell you about them, sorry.”

“We’re good. Sometimes best friend code doesn’t apply to everything,” Buffy leaned her head against Cyrus. “I guess,” she sighed, “you can tell him that if he needs anything, I’m also here.”

“I will,” Cyrus sheepishly smiled. “You care about it him, don’t you, Buffy?”

“Shut up, Cyrus,” she flung his bag down and shoved it into his stomach, taking him aback with a small oof. “He really did look sad in class, and I am his friend to a certain extent.” Not wanting to get thrown back again, Cyrus stayed silent, a smirk still on his face. They got into Buffy’s family car and headed towards Cyrus’ house. Cyrus leaned agained the window and closed his eyes, falling asleep almost immediately. Buffy and her mom got a kick out of it.

“I feel bad waking him up,” Pam smiled.

“I do, too, but he stayed up until three in the morning last night. That’s his fault,” Buffy took off her seatbelt and jumped out of the car. “Let me just make sure he gets inside.” She opened the car door, scaring Cyrus with the similar feeling of almost rolling out of bed. His seatbelt held him back, so Buffy didn’t feel bad.

“Buffy!” Cyrus groaned.

“Wake up, sleeping beauty,” Buffy smiled. “You’re home.”

“Oh,” Cyrus blinked a couple of times before unbuckling himself and grabbing his back. “Thank you, Mrs. Slayer,” Cyrus waved, causing Pam to give him a confused look.

“Uh, you’re welcome… I think?” Pam waved her fingers.

“Never do this to yourself again,” Buffy advised him as she led Cyrus to his front door. He was taking heavy steps, each one making a wave of ache go through his head.

“I don’t plan to,” Cyrus frowned. He held up his backpack to look for his keys, but it slipped out of his hand. “The universe has forsaken me, Buffy?” he whispered and looked down at his bag with a sadness in his eyes. Everything was falling apart, and he was waiting for someone with a motorcycle to come by and break the door open. Would

Buffy scoffed and bent down to pick up the bag and pulled out his house keys out of the front pocket. She opened the door for him because she didn’t think it’d turn out too well.  “There, go nap,” she pushed him through the door, putting his backpack on the couch when they reached the living room. Cyrus fell face down on the other couch without hesitation. “Well, good night, I guess,” she smiled and started heading out.”

“Hey, Buffy,” Cyrus murmured, his eyes already closing. “TJ held my hand today.” Buffy stopped walking and turned her head slightly.

“What?”

Cyrus didn’t understand what in his brain compelled him to tell her this, but he was telling her, “He held my hand. Friends do that all the time, right? When they’re sad? We do that.”

“Yeah,” Buffy turned around to face him, hesitation in her voice, “I… guess we do.”

“Okay,” Cyrus whispered back, satisfied with her answer. The inside of his head was all an ache and a buzz. His chest meanwhile felt warm, content with the memory of TJ’s hand on his. He held his hand up to his heart and kept it there, snuggling into the couch cushion.

“I’ll call you later, Cy,” she told him, the sound of the door shutting coming right after.

-

Cyrus didn’t know how long he slept for. He guessed almost two hours by the time his mom woke him up to eat and shower. His headache was gone, and he felt a lot better. He could still use another two hundred hours of sleep, though.

“Honey, are you okay?” his mom asked him over dinner.

“Yeah,” Cyrus nodded a little too much. “Just tired. I’m swamped with homework.”

“Are you sure? Is there anything else?”

“No,” Cyrus pushed all thoughts of TJ to the back of his head, “I’m good.”

“Okay, just making sure,” she smiled before continuing to eat. Cyrus wondered how TJ was doing. His phone was in the living room room charging, and he still had to shower and do homework. But he really wanted to talk to TJ. It was like an itch.

He wanted to see if he was going to be okay for the night.

Cyrus helped clean up after dinner before hopping into the fastest shower of his life. He hadn’t touched his phone since he put it to charge. When he stormed down the stairs, droplets of water of water from his hair falling onto his clothes, he went directly to his phone. He had two missed calls from Buffy, the GHC + Jonah chat was blown up, and one text from TJ. He slid his phone in his pocket before grabbing his backpack and heading back up to his room.

He sat at his desk and propped up his phone as it tried to video call Buffy. She answered right away.

“Hey, how’d you sleep?” Buffy asked him. She was at her own desk, doing some homework. “I really thought you could sleep until tomorrow.”

“If my mom didn’t wake me up to eat, I probably could have,” Cyrus smiled as he got out his things from his backpack. He wasn’t that packed with homework, and he was thankful for once.

“So, do you remember what you told me before I left?” Buffy asked him. She sounded worried. Cyrus stopped what he was doing and looked at the screen, raising an eyebrow. “No?” she frowned. “Cyrus,” she groaned, “I don’t want to repeat it.” Cyrus remembered getting dropped off, almost falling out of the car, and landing on the couch. He tried to remember what he had told her because he knew she was right. He had said-

“Oh,” Cyrus gasped, immediately turning red. “About TJ? Yeah,” he began to stutter, “let’s…. let’s not talk about that.” Buffy made a face before returning her attention to her homework. She didn’t say anything, making Cyrus uncomfortable. “Ugh, stop making me nervous.”

Buffy looked up at him curiously, “I didn’t say anything?”

“Fine!” Cyrus planted his head on the desk, “I guess I’ll tell you. TJ held my hand okay! But he was really upset, so I think that was why.”

“Okay, Cyrus, okay,” Buffy waved her hands around frantically, as if it were going to call his attention. “Don’t tell me anymore if you don’t need to.”

“I don’t want to,” Cyrus whined into the desk. Buffy kept silent and went back to do her homework, annoying when another frustrated noise came out of Cyrus.

“I’m not going to ask you that question, but it’s because I don’t think I need to,” she told him soundly. Cyrus put his head up and looked at Buffy with a frown. He didn’t like TJ. This entire hand holding thing was just frustrating as it was nice. He didn’t want to jump to conclusion as to why TJ held his hand. He was just going to ignore that part and focus on the bigger picture that involved him being a good friend to TJ because of what he was going through.

Cyrus saw that Buffy went back to ignoring him and started doing his own homeworking, looking at the date. Andi’s birthday wasn’t that far away.

“Hey,” Cyrus started, “what else do we need to finalize for Andi’s birthday?”

“Cake and location. Bex, Bowie, and Jonah are doing music and food. All of us are inviting people, though. Can you invite the Kippens?”

“Yes, I can,” Cyrus nodded, eyeing the black journal he shoved to the corner of his desk. He thought to himself for a moment before saying, “I don’t like TJ, okay?”

“Got it,” Buffy replied.

“That’s it?” Cyrus raised an eyebrow, suspicious at the quick end. “You’re not going to fight me on this?”

“We already did,” Buffy shrugged. She leaned in closer and smirked, “Unless you want me to contradict your feelings, so you can find out what they really are.”

“No!” Cyrus yelped. “Conversation over.”

“Okay, Cyrus,” Buffy let out a small laugh, slightly amused with everything. She didn’t want to let it go quite yet. “But do you think he likes you?” she asked him, causing Cyrus to shoot up a glare at her.

“You’re being annoying, Buffy,” Cyrus frowned like a little kid, crossing his arms and pouting his lips. “But no,” he straightened his back, “I don’t think he likes me. Why? Because TJ likes girls.”

“He’s never had a girlfriend,” Buffy shrugged, “just saying.”

“Okay,” Cyrus let out an irritated huff, amusing Buffy, “so first you don’t want TJ anywhere near me because we might get married and divorced or something like that that can’t happen for another fifteen years and now you’re pestering me?”

“Cyrus this is actually so funny to watch,” Buffy laughed. “A minute ago you were so flustered because TJ held your hand and now you’re so angry.” Cyrus held his breath, not saying anything but just putting his phone flat on the desk so he couldn’t see Buffy. “Cyrus, oh my gosh. I’m just messing with you.”

“Promise to stop?” Cyrus asked her.

“I promise.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“Pinky swear.”

“Yes, with all of my heart,” Buffy told him. Cyrus set up the phone again, getting a smile from Buffy when they were able to see each other again. “Don’t date him, though.”

“Buffy!”

-

You go to my head and you linger like a haunting refrain

And I find you spinning 'round in my brain

Like the bubbles in a glass of champagne

You go to my head like a sip of sparkling burgundy brew

And i find the very mention of you

Like the kicker in a julep or two

TJ got home from work an hour before Amber would and jumped in the shower. One of the kids vomited on his shirt from doing too many cartwheels after lunch time. He didn’t get mad, though. His headache had been starting to form, and he realized that what was done was done.

Like the fact that he held Cyrus Goodman’s hand.

He wanted the comfort. He needed it. He knew he always felt better when him and Amber held hands as little kids, and he wondered how it was like to hold hands with someone that you liked. As shitty as he was feeling, it increased his mood. It was by a small percent because holding Cyrus’ hands didn’t solve his problems (heck, it might’ve created like 20 more), but he appreciated that Cyrus never pulled away.

He liked Cyrus. A lot. It added to the existing ache in his chest that was caused by the never-ending heaviness of everything, alike on both his heart and eyelids. But he didn’t mind. If you’re already fighting a battle, what’s adding a few more soldiers to the opposing team?

 After his shower, TJ entered his room and found Macaroni laying on his bed. The cat rarely went to TJ’s room on its own which meant it was hungry. TJ picked up the skinny cat and cradled it in his arms before heading back downstairs to its food bowl. He didn’t know how much time he had been home for, but he hoped Amber would be home soon. He wanted to finish his homework as soon as possible, so he might be able to squeeze in a quick phone call with Cyrus before he went to bed.

TJ opened one of the many tins of cat food in the cabinet. Amber had spent one entire check on nothing but cat food out of spite once. It made him feel better that at least the cat didn’t have to worry about having food. He put down the bowl, and he received a grateful mew from the cat. TJ tried to pet it once more before leaving, but the second he touched the cat, it hissed at him.

TJ retreated his hand and scoffed, “Your welcome, you snake.” He heard the front door opened and walked out of the kitchen area to see Amber holding up white paper bags.

“I brought dinner,” she held up the bags, closing the door with her leg.

“I held Cyrus’ hand today,” TJ blurt out, not being able to help himself. Amber gasped and ran up to him.

“What? You did what?” she nudged him repeatedly with her elbow, making TJ run away with a huge grin on his face. She chased after him with the bags still in her hand. “What did you say, dork?!”

“I held his hand,” TJ smiled from the corner of the kitchen, feeling happier as he said the words. Amber laughed and set the bag on their table, taking a seat. Amber looked at him once again, TJ red in the face.

“That’s cute,” Amber gushed before she reached for one of the bags, “but I’m hungry. Tell me more as I eat.” TJ grabbed a bag for himself and sat across from her. He liked it when she brought take out from The Spoon.

“He walked with me to work after tutoring-“

“How did tutoring go?”

“Good. Anyways-“

“Did she help you with those problems.”

“Yes. Cyrus walked with-“

“Are you retaking the test?” Amber asked, smiling into her food, knowing that her constant interrupting was annoying him.

“Yes!” TJ exclaimed, causing Amber to laugh. “Okay! So he walked me to work, and the way over there, I don’t know why it happened. It was kind of like an impulse. I’ve been wanting to hold his hand for a while. It couldn’t even happen in dreams. So I did it.”

“Did he let go of your sticky little hand?” Amber teased him.

“No,” TJ rolled his eyes. He leaned his head on his propped-up hand and let out a content sigh. “He never let go. Other than that, we just sat at the park before I went inside the gym. I,” TJ sighed, “I told him about dad leaving. I wanted him to know what was going on, you know?”

The thrill of the thought that you might give a thought to my plea

Cast a spell over me

Still I say to myself get a hold of yourself

Can't you see that it never can be

“I’m glad you trust him,” Amber told her brother, sincerity in her voice.

“Yeah,” TJ said a little more quietly, “I do. I’m glad he’s my friend.”

“I wonder how he managed to be friends with a bitter boy like you.”

“I don’t know, honestly. I think it’s because I wanted to be friends with him first.”

“How long have you had a crush on him?”

“I don’t even know,” TJ sucked on the bottom of his lip. “Not that long.”

“Do you think you’ll ever tell him?”

“I don’t want to scare him away. Also, I don’t think Cyrus would want to be with someone like me.”

“Who is someone like you?” Amber raised an eyebrow. “Any boy would be lucky to have you.”

“I’m still not the nicest person.”

“You’re getting there.”

“I’m really petty.”

“We’re Kippens, not kittens.”

“Our cat is also petty. Anyways, I’m also dumb. Cyrus deserves to be with someone who can do basic math.”

“No offense, but I don’t think Cyrus would give a rats ass if you could add or not. Okay?” Amber tried to assure him. TJ sat uneasily in his chair, staring at the food in front of him.

“Honestly,” TJ sighed, “I have more things to worry about, you know? Cyrus isn’t going anywhere… at least I don’t think so.”

“Just don’t fuck up.”

“I’ll try not to.”

-

TJ curled up under his covered at 10:20PM. Him and Amber had gotten side tracked a bit (they cried) while doing homework, and he assumed it was too late for Cyrus to talk on the phone. He was wrong.

Cyrus called him first when the clock was barely striking 10:30PM, surprising TJ. TJ stared at the contact name for about three seconds before answering, “Hello?”

“Hey,” Cyrus lazily slurred. He sounded tired.

“Go to bed,” TJ laughed at the other boy.

“I just need to invite you to Andi’s surprise birthday party, okay?”

“When is it?”

“Next Saturday. Not this one, but the next one. Can you an Amber make it? I’ll let you know about the location soon.”

“Yeah, for sure,” TJ assured him, rubbing his eyes. “Now you can go to bed.”

Cyrus stayed silent for a second before telling him, “Wait.”

“Is there more?”

“Kind of?”

“Is It about the party?” TJ’s heart started beating faster by the second, the blood rushing to his face.

“…Not really.”

“Then?”

“Why did you hold my hand?”

Chapter Text

“Why did you hold my hand?”

The question was driving Cyrus mad, and he was not going to be able to sleep until he got it out. TJ was silent on the other side of the conversation, and Cyrus was holding his breath, not knowing what else to say.

“I’m sorry,” TJ finally let out, hesitant in his response, “I swear, it’s just something Amber and I used to do as kids when we were upset.” Cyrus bit a small piece of his lip as he processed the answer.

“It’s fine,” Cyrus told him softly, “I just needed to know why.” I needed to know if it was for another reason, too.

“I won’t do it again,” TJ told him, making Cyrus’ heart drop.

“No, no,” Cyrus quickly said, quickly becoming embarrassed at how fast he responded. “I mean…” He felt so awkward now, and he was glad TJ wasn’t in front of him. He was sure his face was scarlet. “Look, if holding my hand makes you feel better, I don’t mind. Okay?” TJ let out a breathy laugh.

“Thank you,” TJ said, “I owe you a lot.”

“Not really,” Cyrus ran his hand through his hair, “friends are always there for each other.”

“Yeah,” TJ spoke more confidently, “we are.”

“I think we should both go to sleep now,” Cyrus yawned. “I’m tired. Please promise that you’ll fall asleep.”

“I promise. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Cyrus managed to say before hanging up the phone. He laid back down in his bed and closed his eyes. TJ’s face seemed to be glued to his eyelids because that’s all he could think about. He didn’t know what to expect from that conversation, but he subconsciously knew what he wanted to hear. He just didn’t want to think about the thought in the corner of his head that wanted TJ to tell him that he liked him.

But he didn’t want to think about TJ liking him!

But it was getting harder and harder.

The feeling that felt like a tug in his heartstrings was back. Everything TJ did was the most important thing in the world to him. The longing ache was back, and he hated it. He didn’t want to hold hands with TJ, but he needed to hold hands with him even more. He wanted to hug him and meet his cat Macaroni. He wanted to hang out at the gym with him. He wanted to have dates at The Spoon. He wanted TJ to make him a playlist.

Cyrus reached for his phone.

Cyrus: hey when you’re not busy or sleeping can you make me a playlist :o?

TJ: ye

Cyrus: Why did you reply??? Ur supposed to be asleep. U promised >:(

TJ: fjdhfkjdghkjsd what kind of music

Cyrus: anything :) I just want to listen to new music

TJ: do you have spotify?

Cyrus: duh

TJ: OK. I’ll make some of my playlists public for you and make u a new one later

Cyrus: kk thank youuuuuu. Goodnight!

TJ: goodnight :)

-

A week went by, and TJ’s life was back into a decent routine. His dad hadn’t come back yet, though. He didn’t call, and they didn’t call him. TJ was tempted to call him a few times. The first time was when Amber and him gave their mom the money from their checks. Their mom had broken down crying, and TJ felt so awkward about the entire situation. Like always, Amber saved the day and took their mom into the kitchen for tea. TJ ran upstairs and blasted music from his desktop, finger hovering over the CALL button for his dad. Green Day was the only thing that rang through his ears.

Other than spur of the moment crying sessions with Amber, his life seemed to be balancing on a tiny red rubber ball. It was shaky sometimes, but he did feel okay most of the time. He was getting a lot more sleep, and he hadn’t had nights where he woke up suddenly since that one day he read Cyrus to sleep. He was always tired enough to sleep through the nights.

Math was getting better, but it was still hard. Mrs. Pierson arranged for him to meet with another tutor in the next coming week, and he was nervous because Cyrus couldn’t go. Cyrus assured him that he’d be fine. Cyrus rarely ever helped him, but TJ didn’t care. He felt better having Cyrus. Even Mrs. Pierson was easy to talk to. So, he just shoved that fact to the back of his head and decided to pay attention to it when it came.

He had keeping himself busy with work at the gym, homework, and making Cyrus playlists.

As a joke (JOKE), he made Cyrus a playlist during the weekend called “Let’s Hold Hands” full of nothing but cheesy love songs. One Direction’s Little Things was on there. Cyrus had called him almost immediately afterwards and jokingly accused TJ of playing with his heart. TJ thought he was serious for a second and genuinely freaked out until Cyrus bust out laughing.

Cyrus was his favorite person.

He had four different playlists out for Cyrus already, and he was having a blast making them. He usually made one and added songs until he fell asleep. It was becoming his stress reliever.

The Wednesday before Andi’s birthday weekend, TJ was invited to hang out with Buffy, Cyrus, and Jonah to go over some details. TJ wasn’t helping with the planning, but Jonah and Buffy insisted that he went. At least that’s what Cyrus told him.

TJ walked into The Spoon on his own, seeing that the group was already sitting down with a huge chart out. He approached them, receiving a head nod from Jonah. He returned one back before looking at Cyrus and Buffy who were invested in the tiny handwriting. Without asking, TJ slid into the booth next to Cyrus.

Buffy was the first to look up and gave him half a smile, “Hey, TJ. Glad you came.”

“Thanks for inviting me,” TJ smiled back. They weren’t exactly the best of pals, but Buffy’s tolerance for TJ seemed a lot better lately. Well, it was. They still jabbed mean remarks here and there, but they never meant them. Also, Cyrus would whine the entire time, so they couldn’t really escalate anything into a real fight.

“Okay, so your family can bake cakes right?” Cyrus asked, not peeling his paper off the chart. TJ realized it was full of items, people, and times. It was going to be a ridiculous birthday party.

“Um,” TJ raised a brow, “we haven’t baked cakes in a few months.” He paused before saying , “It’s my mom and Amber that make them. Why?” They’d have to shoot him before he ever admitted that he did the frosting decorations.

“Our local bakery is down because of termites or something,” Cyrus explained.

“Yikes.”

“Yeah,” Cyrus looked at him and gave him a toothy smile, “we were wondering if Amber can bake a cake for Saturday.”

“She probably can,” TJ started looking around The Spoon. She was busy with a table. “I’ll bug her about it later.”

“Docious,” Jonah smiled before placing a bag of groceries on the table. “We bought all the ingredients to make it ourselves, but we just don’t have time to bake it.”

“That’s fine,” TJ nodded and put them between him and Cyrus, “Amber likes Andi anyways. I don’t think she’ll mind.”

“Can you make a playlist for it?” Cyrus asked him suddenly, causing TJ to quickly whip his head towards him.

“For the party?” TJ gave him a look. Did they really trust him enough for that?

“Yes, please,” Cyrus pouted his lip, making TJ shift in his seat.

“Uh, I guess, yeah,” TJ looked away from him. He ended up making eye contact with Buffy who was looking at him even more intensely.

“Are you sure?” Buffy gave him a questioning look.

“Yes, he’s sure,” Cyrus nodded, already sensing the potential for rude comments.

“Dancing music right?” TJ asked them, mainly looking at Jonah.

“No, funeral music,” Buffy bit back, gaining a glare from Cyrus.

“All the songs that remind me of you then?” TJ asked her with a grin.

“Get the Twilight soundtrack on there, Vampy,” Buffy smirked. TJ wasn’t able to say anything before Cyrus stood up and dramatically flipped the list over, only to reveal more writing. TJ and Buffy gave each other a final smile before paying attention to Cyrus’ speed talking.

Things were fine.

-

Saturday after work, TJ expected to see Amber in the kitchen baking the cake. She had taken an early morning shift, so she’d be home before TJ.

His expectations were deceived. He arrived home around noon, and the kitchen was empty. His mom was out with his grandma before work, so she wasn’t home at all. But Amber?

TJ started to freak out and checked his phone to see if she had left any messages.

Amber: Hey sweet baby brother and angel of my life. They asked me if I wanted to work a few more hours, so I won’t be off until four. I need you to bake the cake or at least get it started until I get there. You know how as much as you hate to admit it. I left our family recipe in the grocery bag. Love u <3333333333 pls don’t be mad

TJ stared at the message before storming into the kitchen and sure enough, the bag was there. Amber had laid out all of the baking utensils the night before, so it helped TJ already. Honestly, though, he knew exactly what to do. He had seen Amber and his mom bake the cakes hundreds of times, and he’s baked a few himself.

It was just a lot of work, and he didn’t think that he could pull it off on his own. It was for Andi’s party, and it had been a while. He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair, wishing that he could undo a lot of things. He started to feel frustrated and unsure of himself. He couldn’t do it.

He dialed Cyrus’ phone number, and he quickly answered.

“Hey, TJ. What’s up?” Cyrus asked him. There was a lot of things going on in the background.

“Do you have a backup baker?” TJ immediately asked.

“Your family was our backup baker,” Cyrus sounded confused. “What happened?”

“Amber is doing a few more hours at The Spoon, and I can’t bake the cake myself. My mom is also out right now.”

“I thought you could bake cakes?” Cyrus asked him, making TJ scoff. Before he could say anything, TJ heard someone else’s voice in the background. It was Buffy. “Amber said he could bake cakes? See TJ, Amber and Buffy said that you can.”

“They’re wrong,” TJ muttered. He couldn’t hear exactly what Buffy was saying, but she was talking about him.

“Buffy says that you do all the decorating with the frosting, TJ!” Cyrus told him loudly.

“I don’t. They lied to her,” TJ shook his head, stopping when he realized Cyrus couldn’t see him.

“Look, I’ll go over there and help you in about two hours. Andi’s grandma said no to my ball pit and water games, so I don’t have to worry about that.” TJ paused, biting his lip. “Please, TJ,” Cyrus asked again.

“Fine,” TJ rolled his eyes. “Don’t be late. It’s going to be a three-tier cake.”

“A what now?” Cyrus asked. TJ didn’t bother replying and hung up the phone. He shoved it in his pocket, and he began staring at all the utensils out on the table. He felt like he was going to screw this up. He reached for the measuring cups and stared at them closely. He let out a defeated sigh and grabbed the recipe to refresh his memory.

While he was mixing a few of the ingredients together, he heard the doorbell ring. He paused, thinking he had imagined it. He ignored it and went back to whisking, but it rang again. This time, Macaroni walked into the kitchen to let out a few mews, letting TJ know that there was something at the door. TJ washed his hands and grabbed a towel as he went to the door. When he opened it, he found a very worried looking Cyrus.

“Hey,” Cyrus gave him a small smile. TJ looked at his wrist watch. Had it been 2 hours already? There’s no way. He was bad with time, but he wasn’t a time traveler.

“Why are you here so early?” TJ asked, looking up at Cyrus.

“You seemed stressed out, so I had everyone else take over my things.”

“Why?” TJ raised an eyebrow, feeling his face heat up. Cyrus really got over here as fast as he could.

“To come help you, why else?” Cyrus gave him an amused grin. TJ couldn’t help but give him a smile back before motioning him inside. Macaroni was waiting for them at the kitchen entrance, and Cyrus let out a gasp. “Is that Macaroni?” Cyrus bent down to pet the cat. Macaroni immediately laid down, letting Cyrus pet its ears.

“Yeah,” TJ glared at Macaroni, “that’s the freeloader.”

“I honestly expected your family to have a black cat,” Cyrus laughed, looking back at TJ, still petting the cat. TJ crossed his arms and blushed, getting entranced with how happy Cyrus looked.

“Well, yeah, we used to when we were little. His name was Bat,” TJ bit his lip. He gave Macaroni a final look before saying, “Anyways, no cats in the kitchen. Let me give Mac his breakfast, so he can leave us alone.”

TJ quickly learned that Macaroni had no intentions of leaving. After he breathed in his breakfast, Macaroni stuck around in the kitchen. He seemed to be glued to Cyrus legs the entire time Cyrus was putting things in measuring cups and washing dishes. TJ kept telling Cyrus not to give him attention, so that he could go away. But Cyrus was a magnet. Macaroni silently moved wherever Cyrus went and sat there cautiously.

“Are you a cat whisperer or something?” TJ asked him as turned on the oven.

“No,” Cyrus shook his head, smiling as Macaroni purred, rubbing his head on Cyrus’ legs. “Macaroni loves me though.”

“I wonder why,” TJ mumbled and went back to the messy counter. Who couldn’t like Cyrus? Even Macaroni loved him, and Macaroni hardly liked anything or anyone.

“I’m honestly just that attractive,” Cyrus joked.

“Yeah,” TJ absentmindedly agreed, quickly realizing what they both just said.

“What?” Cyrus raised an eyebrow at him, his cheeks turning red.

“What?” TJ held his breath, hoping against hope that Cyrus would let it go.

“What did you say?” Cyrus asked.

“I don’t know,” TJ slowly replied, not blinking. Him and Cyrus stared at each other for a few seconds before Cyrus turned around.

“Never mind, then,” Cyrus turned around and began washing dishes again. The sound of clashing kitchenware and water running filled the room. TJ’s felt like he was going to explode, and that was all he was going to die hearing. He looked around the room and eyed the small speaker on top of the fridge. He hoped it still worked. He reached up and took it down, connecting it to a plug near the wall. Macaroni was watching his every step intently from where Cyrus was. TJ stuck out his tongue at him.

He plugged in the flimsy AUX cord into his phone, and both the speaker and his phone showed that they were connected. His opened his Spotify app and found his C.C.C.M. playlist. Should he?

He did.

Our love affair was meant to be

It's me for you dear, and you for me

We'll fuss, we'll quarrel and tears start to brew

But after the tears our love will smile through

Cyrus turned off the sink and looked over at TJ a smile appearing on his face. “You really are a huge sap,” Cyrus laughed, causing TJ to playfully roll his eyes.

“You got me,” TJ held his hands up in defense. He got one of the loaded cake pans and placed it in the oven, the music filling his head. Everything felt alright.

His heart almost near exploded every time Cyrus spoke to him or did cute things, but he was happy about it. God, he really fell for the biggest dork in Shadyside.

The thrill I get when you're by my side

And when we're older we'll proudly declare

Wasn't ours a lovely love affair

TJ began working on the next cake. It was a lemon-flavored cake that Amber insisted on. The Kippen family lemon cake was their most popular one when they made them. They never sold them, but they did them in return for favors from families.

“Cyrus, can you put these ingredient in measuring cups? I don’t want to mess that up,” he told him, almost embarrassed of himself.

“Yeah of course,” Cyrus said and went over next to him, Macaroni quickly trailing behind. Cyrus looked at the list and started moving around the kitchen while TJ gathered the other utensils. “Why were you so nervous about making this cake by yourself?” Cyrus asked him, almost too gently. TJ felt like a little kid getting asked to think out his feelings. “If I may know, of course.”

TJ let out a sigh and rubbed his cheek, “I just don’t want to mess it up.”

“Are you afraid Buffy is going to make fun of you for it?”

“No,” TJ quickly shook his head, “I know I can make a good cake.” That caused both of them to smile. “I just didn’t want to mess up because it’s for Andi, and I know she’s important to you. You’re all working really hard to make things special for her, and I didn’t want my cake to be the one thing that sucked.”

“If it makes you feel better, her grandma canceled half of our things, so your cake would never be as lame,” Cyrus smiled. “Also, I’m happy that you care.” TJ looked down at his feet, not wanting to look at Cyrus.

They both silently moved around the kitchen, putting ingredients together and mixing them. Cyrus tried whisking the mix in the bowl, but it only made TJ laugh. TJ came up behind him and said, “Hey, you’re not doing it right.” Cyrus turned his head only to find TJ right next to him, their shoulders pressing together. TJ reached over with his opposite arm and put his hand right next to Cyrus’ on the whisk handle, “Here like this.” Their hands touched the entire time as TJ increased Cyrus speed, only making them both burst out in laughter.

“Why so fast,” Cyrus chuckled, letting TJ guide his hand.

“That’s the way Kippens do it,” TJ explained, a huge smile on his face. His heart could not slow down, no matter what he did.

“Are you proposing to me?” Cyrus joked.

“Yeah,” TJ joked back, almost biting his tongue. “How about a Spring wedding?”

“Sounds perfect,” Cyrus replied, a smile lingering on his face. TJ let go of the whisk after a few more seconds, leaving Cyrus to do it on his own. TJ watched him intently for a few moments before snapping back to reality.

The boys continued to work on the cake, and ordered a pizza for their break. The first cake was cooling down, and the other two smaller ones were in the oven.

“Are they going to be done on time?” Cyrus checked his watch, leaning on the counter. TJ hung up the house phone and turned around to look at him.

“Yeah, don’t worry. Amber should get here soon to help with the frosting,” TJ reassured him, hopping up to sit on the counter.

“I thought you were the frosting king?” Cyrus smiled.

“I might be,” TJ shrugged a smile tugging in the corner of his life, “but we have to get them done fast.”

“Party starts at 5, and Andi should be getting there at 6. Bowie took her somewhere I believe.”

“That’s nice,” TJ smiled leaning his head to the side, briefly thinking about his own dad.

“Hey, are you caught up with The Giver?” Cyrus asked him after a few seconds of silence.

“Yeah,” TJ nodded, turning his head to look at him. “I love that book.”

“I don’t get it,” Cyrus shrugged. “I’m nervous for the final essay we have to do on it. I don’t really get the purpose of a lot of it.”

“Need a hint?”

“Please.”

“The Giver is teaching us that sameness isn’t good. We’re all different and our differences make society function.”

“Wow,” Cyrus’ mouth was wide open. Cyrus stared right at him with wonderment in his eyes. TJ gave him a crooked smile in return, not knowing what else to say.

“I got that off Sparknotes,”TJ shrugged, looking at away. Cyrus and TJ stayed silent for a few seconds.

Cyrus broke the silence and asked, “Hey, TJ… what if I told you that I was… different.”

Chapter Text

“Different?” TJ raised an eyebrow at Cyrus. “What do you mean?” Cyrus felt his heart hammering in his chest. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to go through with it anymore. He didn’t want to lose TJ. He didn’t want a distance to grow between them. He didn’t want TJ to connect the dots for a lot of things.

TJ stared at Cyrus for a minute, waiting for a response. There was no sign of realization, and there were no assumptions being made. Cyrus looked away from TJ and looked down at Macaroni who was at his feet, purring.

“Cyrus, if you’re going to tell me you’re quirky and weird, I’ve known for a while,” TJ told him, amusement in his tone. “We’re nowhere being the same, but our friendship still works, ya know?” Cyrus let out a sigh of relief.

“I know,” Cyrus told him, bending down to pick up the cat.

“No cats in the kitchen,” TJ reminded him.

“You are a cat,” Cyrus stuck out his tongue at TJ, holding Macaroni’s face close to his cheek. Cyrus walked out of the kitchen, TJ hoping off the counter to follow him.

“Isn’t he heavy?” TJ asked Cyrus as they both sat down on the couch. TJ was sitting a few inches away from him.

“I go to the gym now so no,” Cyrus smirked, giving TJ a mischievous expression.

TJ scoffed, “You’ve gone once and all you did was a summersault.”

“Sounds fake but okay,” Cyrus shrugged, continuing to pet the cat on his lap. Macaroni was purring noisily, and TJ was giving the cat nasty looks the entire time. The front door opened, and a uniformed Amber burst through.

“Hey, boys,” she said and rushed to the stairs. “I’m going to shower real quick, and I’ll be right back down.”

“You owe me one, Amber,” TJ yelled as she ran up the stairs.

“I do what I want!” Amber yelled before shutting her door. Cyrus laughed mockingly at TJ who stuck his tongue out in turn.

“She’s making the frosting,” TJ crossed his arms. “I don’t like making it.”

“You guys make your own frosting?” Cyrus asked in amazement. Macaroni slid off his lap and started making his way up the stairs.

“Yeah,” TJ nodded, following Macaroni with his eyes. “Buying those cans of frosting turned out to be useless.”

“Man,” Cyrus pouted his lips, “I really like the strawberry frosting.”

“I’ll make you another cake with that frosting some other day,” TJ told him, holding up his hand to his own cheek.

“Really?” Cyrus grinned. “Promise?”

TJ rolled his eyes, a smile etching on his lips, “I promise.”

-

Cyrus left the house an hour before the party with Bex and Jonah who had gone to help pick up the cake. As soon as TJ shut the door, he turned to Amber and almost screamed, "I think Cyrus almost came out to me, and I didn't know what to do so I changed the topic!"

"What?" Amber blinked.

TJ ran his fingers roughly through his hair and spoke speedily, “I feel so dumb now because I think I could’ve known and now I'm going to live with the regret and I think I could've told him I liked him today."

"Woah, woah, woah,” Amber waved her arms around , “you plan to tell him you like him?"

“Am I overreacting?” TJ frowned and leaned his back against the door.

“Yes, and TJ,” Amber tilted her head to the side, giving him a small smile, “you want to tell him that you like him?”

"I don’t know,” TJ gave her a frown, his eyes looking at the grey ceiling, “maybe one day if things are alright."

"Things are alright TJ,” Amber said softly, clutching one of her arms in her hand.

"No,” TJ bit his lip. “My math is shitty right now. I want to get that secured. I’m getting a new tutor soon, too."

"I thought you liked it a lot when Cyrus helped you on your work."

"He doesn't help me, but I like having him there. Also,” TJ looked at a family photo on the wall near the TV, “dad."

"Dad doesn't matter right now, TJ,” Amber replied, almost angry.

"Well it does to me,” TJ bit back, “A lot. I don't think I can be really happy unless we solve this entire mess."

Amber looked down at her feet and muttered, "I'm sorry."

"It's not our fault.”

-

Three hours into the party, TJ felt overwhelmed. There was a lot of people that he knew, and he was almost convinced that a quarter of the school was invited. He kept to himself in a corner, watching people. He quickly recognized who Cece was as she ran around frantically, constantly telling kids things. He found it kind of funny. Amber was with Andi half of the time, and he liked watching Jonah not know how to approach them. The most interesting scene was watching Buffy and Marty talk. Cyrus had briefly mentioned something about them once before and immediately shut up. TJ couldn’t get him to talk about the topic again.

TJ moved from his corner and moved through crowds of people, eyeing the chaos that was going on outside through a window. There was a couple of games set up outside, but everyone was mostly dancing inside. What he assumed to be Andi Shack was covered in yellow tape, blocking kids from now entering. TJ found himself in front of the stairs, and he looked around before making his way upstairs. The few kids that had gone up had been immediately chased down by Cece. He just had to hope not to get caught. He went down the hall and found an open room, eyeing an elliptical. It wasn’t a bedroom, so he didn’t feel bad walking inside. He sat down at the couch and pulled out his phone.

“What are you doing all the way in here?” someone asked him. TJ jumped in his seat and turned around, relieved to find Cyrus. Cyrus cackled at his reaction, “I saw you trying to sneak up here. You got past Cece, but you’re not getting past me.”

“Did you get past Cece?” TJ raised a brow.

“Yes,” Cyrus turned around, biting his lip. He checked the hall again and said, “Yes. For sure.” Cyrus closed the door and walked over to TJ, sitting down next to TJ. TJ felt his heart speed up, and he took a deep breath, trying not to fidget a lot as Cyrus sat next to him. “People like your playlist,” Cyrus told him.

“I’m glad,” TJ smiled at him, slightly leaning his head to the left. TJ could’ve sworn Cyrus scooted closer, but he didn’t want to look at him. Their faces would be to close, and TJ felt like Cyrus would feel all the heat coming from his face.

“Is something wrong?” Cyrus asked him. “They’re about to cut the cake. I bet it turned out great. I was hoping you’d be there.”

“The cake turned out good,” TJ dared to turn to look at Cyrus, “you helped make it.” Cyrus looked TJ right in the eyes and gave him half a smile.

“I want to make sure that you’re good, though,” Cyrus told him. TJ was the one that scooted over this time until their shoulders were touching.

“I don’t know, to be honest,” TJ whispered, leaning his head on top of Cyrus’.

“Do you want to talk about things?” Cyrus stretched out his hands and left them visibly on his lap. The corner of TJ’s lips curled up, sort of picking up the signal that he was allowed to hold his hand. So he did. He reached his own hand over and interlaced their fingers, leaning his head a little close to Cyrus. TJ closed his eyes and let out a sigh. He wanted to stay like that for as long as he could. He wanted Cyrus to know. He wanted to tell Cyrus he liked him. He wanted to tell Cyrus that he held his hand because it was the best feeling in the world even if they only held hands when he was upset. He wanted to tell Cyrus was the C.C.C.M. playlist was about.

“There’s a lot of things I’d want to talk about,” TJ told him, mumbling a little. “I just don’t like to talk about my feelings that much.”

“All I talk about is my feelings,” Cyrus told TJ, making him chuckle. “We don’t have to talk,” Cyrus said. “We can just stay like this. You’re going to make me a cake for myself later anyways.”

“We can go to the cake,” TJ told him, picking up his head. He felt Cyrus squeeze his hand.

“No,” Cyrus turned to face him, their noses only an inch away, “I want to stay like this.” TJ felt like everything was on fire, and there was a bucket of cold water being poured over his heart. Did Cyrus like him or was he just that good of a friend? He suddenly felt jealous of straight people. If they did this, it’d be crystal clear. He retracted the thought and looked at the mole on Cyrus cheek. With his free hand, he reached over and gently pressed it with the back of his thumb. Cyrus’ face was warm. He wondered if Cyrus felt everything he did, too. TJ didn’t know how he was going to get over him one day. He decided not to worry about that at the moment.

It felt like a forest fire during a hurricane inside of him. TJ stared at Cyrus’ face, and Cyrus looked back at him, their eyes wondering over the details of each other’s faces. TJ had stared at him many times before and had already picked up most of his features, but he’s never had him that close. God he was so close.

TJ’s eyes finally landed on Cyrus’ lips. He had been avoiding them the whole time, and he was staring right at them no. If he leaned in another inch it’d be done. He wondered if it’d be worth it. He wondered if kissing Cyrus and scaring him away would be worth losing him.

It wasn’t.

TJ slowly removed his thumb and slowly looked away, not wanting to seem flustered. There was no way Cyrus didn’t think that he didn’t like him now. He just had to get the words out. He just had to tell him straight up. But it was hard. The words were there in his chest, but they’d never make it to his mouth. At least not that night.

TJ looked down at their hands and stared rubbing his thumb on Cyrus’ own thumb.

Friends didn’t do what they did. Friends didn’t put their thumb on the mole they’ve been wanting to kiss for months. Friends didn’t let you hold their hand the way TJ and Cyrus were holding hands. There was something there, but he didn’t know if Cyrus felt it, too.

In a split second, TJ became scared. He was mortified. Being gay was always something he hid, and he was starting to remember why he cried about nights in a row when he first realized it.

TJ didn’t know any of Cyrus’ thoughts, and it was making everything a million times more frustrating. He was starting to feel upset and drained. He wanted Cyrus to know so bad. But he didn’t want to risk losing him. Losing Cyrus wasn’t worth getting rid of all the ache and longing inside of him.

TJ felt his head spin, not knowing what to do with himself and what to do in his position. He didn’t know how he was going to pull their hands apart later because he really did want to just stay there like that. He wanted to hold Cyrus’ hand forget that there was almost a hundred people downstairs blasting music. He wanted to forget he only had his mom waiting for him to get home.

As TJ’s head seemed to spin in place, Cyrus leaned over and rested his head on TJ’s shoulder. TJ really thought he was going to explode now. Everything started to feel overwhelming. He always knew Cyrus was cute, but when did he become that cute?

“What are you thinking about?” Cyrus asked him.

“Something scary,” TJ admitted. That’s the most he’d tell him.

“How scary?”

“Really scary,” TJ whispered. He could feel his chest tighten up.

“Is it sun level scary?”

“Sun level?”

“You know, vampires are scared of the sun,” Cyrus teased him.

TJ smiled and rolled his eyes, relaxing a little, “I actually love the sun, okay? But no,” TJ tightened his lips again, “it’s something else.”

“Am I allowed to guess?” Cyrus asked faintly. TJ froze in his place. Did Cyrus know? TJ wasn’t sure what he wanted to say. He didn’t know what he wanted Cyrus to tell him.

“If you want,” TJ told him, “but I’m allowed to lie.”

“That’s not fair,” Cyrus pouted his lips, causing TJ to chuckle lightly.

“I think it is,” TJ said, slowing moving Cyrus’ hand more towards himself. He liked playing with Cyrus’ hands. They were soft, and he liked lining the lines on his palm. It was relaxing to him.

“What if I’m scared, too?” Cyrus asked, watching TJ unravel their fingers only to start bending Cyrus’ fingers gently.

TJ’s voice hitched, “Are you?”

“I don’t know,” Cyrus answered softly. “I might be scared of losing someone important to me.” TJ stayed silent. Was he referring to him? “Sometimes I lose sleep over it.” Cyrus slightly nuzzled his head against TJ’s shoulder, causing his heart to stammer. God he’s so cute. I can’t believe I used to be an ass.

“Do you think that person would actually cut you off, though?”

“I’m scared they might.”

“But would they?”

“I don’t know if I’m being honest,” Cyrus replied. “He might just hate me if he knew a secret I have.”

“Same here,” TJ found himself saying. The boys stayed silent for another moment. It was peaceful, but everything on the inside of TJ’s head was crashing. Was Cyrus talking about him? Were they talking about each other? One of them just needed to say the words. One of them. Just one. One of them had to be brave. One of them had to risk everything- if TJ was guessing correctly.

TJ interlocked their fingers again and set their hands down, TJ now rubbing his thumb on Cyrus’ palm. Cyrus was still leaning on him, and TJ could smell the rosy laundry detergent come from him. It was one of his favorite scents now.

TJ knew Cyrus was braver than him by a lot. It didn’t seem like that, and he never knew if he’d tell him that, but it was true. So TJ was hoping Cyrus would bring anything up that would stop driving him crazy. He told Amber he was going to wait, but if a scenario where Cyrus told him he liked him happened, he wasn’t going to throw it away. He couldn’t be brave now. He had to wait for Cyrus to be the brave one or for everything to be okay, and who know how long that would take.

TJ felt Cyrus slightly lift up his head, only to shift a little and rest his chin on top of his shoulder. Cyrus was staring right at him, looking at every single one of his features and flaws. TJ gradually turned his head to Cyrus, wondering when he got that brave.

Their noses immediately touched, and TJ found himself staring into Cyrus’ big brown eyes. Cyrus’s eyes were still wondering all over, occasionally meeting his green ones.

All he had to do was lean in a little more- just a little bit more. TJ decided to be brave this time. He brought up his free hand and gently placed it on the back of Cyrus’ head. He ran his fingers through the brunet’ hair for a few seconds, wondering when he’d be able to do that again.

The door swung open harshly, hitting the wall and scaring them both. They both separated as fast as they could, but when they turned to see who it was, Cece was already standing there, shock masking her face. TJ didn’t who was more uncomfortable, and he didn’t want to find out.

“I,” TJ stammered, shoving his hands in his pockets and speeding towards the door, “need to go home. Thanks for party, Cece.” TJ rushed down the stairs, and he could hear Cyrus go after him. TJ found Amber hanging out with Andi and went straight to her. “Amber,” TJ told her frantically, “I’m going home already.”

“So soon?” Amber raised an eyebrow, looking around. TJ could tell she saw Cyrus by the way she smirked, but TJ didn’t have time.

“Yeah, bye,” TJ nodded and hurried towards the main door. He hoped Cyrus didn’t follow him. He couldn’t have that as much as he wanted that. TJ made it outside and pulled out his earbuds from his pocket for the walk home.

“TJ, wait,” Cyrus said moments before he put the earbuds in his ear.

“I’m sorry, Cyrus,” TJ frowned. “I have to go home.”

“Stay?” Cyrus asked him with a huge a frown and big sad eyes. “Please.” TJ bit his lip and looked back at Cyrus. He wanted to run up to him and get everything over with. He wanted to ruin everything. He wanted to finally kiss him and tell him the real reason for a lot of things. But he couldn’t.

Not today. Not when things weren’t alright.

TJ put in his earbuds.

Each time we have a quarrel, it almost breaks my heart,

Cause I'm so afraid that we will have to part,

Each night I ask the stars up above,

Why must I be a teenager in love?

One day I feel so happy, next day I feel so sad.

I guess I'll learn to take the good with the bad.

Cause each night I ask the stars up above,

Why must I be a teenager in love?

-

TJ pulled his earbuds off immediately when he walked inside the house. The family portrait that he had looked at earlier was smashed against the wall near the door. The glass was bordering the Kippen’s from two years ago. He looked up and found his mother crying on the couch.

Shit.

Chapter Text

Cyrus numbly watched everyone sing Happy Birthday to Andi. He didn’t even record it. He half-smiled for a few photos with Andi and Buffy, and afterwards, he went to sit down. The whole world was moving around him, and his mind was stuck in place.

We almost kissed. Kissed. I almost kissed TJ Kippen. TJ almost kissed me.

I think.

Cyrus wasn’t even sure what had happened in there. Everything just got even more confusing, and the only person with the answers was TJ. If Cece had walked in maybe just thirty seconds later, Cyrus would’ve gotten brave enough to do it.

He carried a “we’re all going to die anyways” attitude on his shoulders when he decided to follow TJ up the stairs, and it carried through the entire time while they sat on the couch.

Then the door opened, and he realized that he had a couple of decades to go through before he died. When TJ ran out the door, him and Cece just stared at each other for a second. Cece closed the imaginary zipper on her lips before motioning her head out the door. Cyrus decided he liked Cece a lot more now.

Cyrus watched the party goers from the couch, and he saw Marty and Buffy talking in a corner, isolated from everyone. He saw Jonah off in his own corner with people he recognized from the Space Otters. Cyrus’ eyes scanned for Andi, but his phone started ringing.

Incoming Call

TJ

Cyrus quickly answered, “Hello?”

“Cyrus?” TJ’s voice was shaky. Something was wrong.

“TJ,” Cyrus stood up, “are you okay?”

“Can you tell Amber to come back home. Like now, please,” TJ told him, his voice breaking every other word. It sounded like he wanted to cry, and it was like an arrow to his heart. “Her phone is dead, and I don’t know how else to reach her.”

“Yeah,” Cyrus replied, “we’ll be on our way.”

“No!” TJ yelled, startling Cyrus. He sounded frustrated as he said, “Just Amber. Please don’t come, Cyrus.” Another arrow.

“TJ,” Cyrus softly spoke. They both didn’t say anything, but Cyrus picked up the screaming in the background. Something bad was happening. “I’ll go get Amber. Stay safe. Please.” TJ hung up after the last word, and Cyrus didn’t hesitate to start looking around. He pushed through crowds of kids on the dance floors, looking around for Andi’s sequin headband. She was with Andi last.

He finally found Amber posing with Andi in the DIY photobooth him Celia and put together. It came out kind of cute even though he wanted to die 50% of the time they were making it.

“Hey, Cyrus,” Amber reached out her arm with a huge grin.  He had never seen her so happy. “Come take pictures with us.”

“Amber,” Cyrus frowned and stepped closer to her, confused expressions showing up on Andi and Amber’s faces. “You have to go home.”

“Home?” Amber’s eyes shot wide open. “What? What’s wrong.”

“I don’t know,” Cyrus shook his head, “TJ sounds… scared kind of.”

“Crap,” Amber muttered under her breath. She turned to Andi and gave her a hug, “I’m sorry, Andi. I have to go. It’s probably something with my family.”

“Yeah,” Andi, who was still confused, said, “thank you for coming.” Andi raised an eyebrow at Cyrus during the hug, causing Cyrus to quickly look down at his shoes.

“Amber,” Cyrus asked once the girls pulled apart, “can I go with you?”

“Are you sure?” Amber hesitated. “I’m running home, and it might be a disaster. I don’t want you to have to see that.”

“TJ,” was all Cyrus said before Amber nodded.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Andi said before standing right in front of Cyrus, “you’re leaving.” Cyrus bit his lip and nodded. “You can’t leave. You helped plan all of this for you to just leave early.” Cyrus tried looking at Amber for help, but she just looked anxious to leave.

“Look, Andi,” Cyrus sighed, “I love you, but TJ is going through something right now. If he doesn’t need me, I’ll come back. Okay? Their house is only two blocks away.”

Andi stared at him for a few seconds before giving him a small smile, “Okay.”

-

Cyrus was behind several feet from Amber as they headed towards the Kippen’s household. It was a light jog, and they were not stopping. The cold fall air was hitting him, and he had left his jacket at Andi’s. Cyrus was kind of happy seeing the grey house coming into view, but he had to remember why he was there in the first place. Amber and him stopped once they stepped through the gate door.

Amber turned to look at him, occasionally taking in a deep breath, “Please wait here. I don’t know how bad the situation is. I’ll send TJ out right now.” Cyrus simply nodded and watched Amber speed walk to the front door. As soon as the front door open, Macaroni slipped outside and disappeared into the bushes next to the door. Amber walked inside, leaving Cyrus alone outside. He looked at his phone.

9:04PM

2 missed calls from Buffy

He felt exhausted. He had all those exhilarating feelings with TJ earlier and now, he was worried sick for him. He knew he didn’t have a place butting into those family issues, but he still wanted to see that TJ was okay.

He cared about him too much.

He liked him a little too much.

I like him Cyrus sighed deeply. He finally came to terms with it. But he couldn’t smile. He just felt bad about the entire situation and the last thing TJ needed to know was Cyrus liked him. Cyrus was just ignoring the fact that TJ almost kissed him completely now. It could’ve been a fluke. Who really knows anyways?

The front door opened, and Cyrus’ heart almost jumped out of his chest. TJ had a hoodie on, and it was almost covering his face. TJ pulled back the hoodie with his free hand once he reached Cyrus, and Cyrus could make out that he was ticked off.

“Hey,” Cyrus greeted him nervously.

“Hey?” TJ angrily scoffed. “I told you not to come. Here,” TJ tossed Cyrus an extra hoodie he had in his hands. Cyrus barely caught it as it unraveled midair. “Amber told me you didn’t have a jacket,” TJ crossed his arms, refusing to look at Cyrus.

“I’m sorry,” Cyrus nervously said, “I wanted to make sure that you’d be okay.”

“I don’t know if I’m ever going to be okay,” TJ angrily muttered. “So, can you please leave?”

“TJ…”

“Just leave already,” TJ furiously groaned, running his fingers through his hair. Almost like he ran them through Cyrus’ earlier, only he treated his own hair rougher. Cyrus looked down at the basketball hoodie in his hands and then looked up at TJ. He wasn’t looking back at him, and everything was starting to hurt again.

This is why he couldn’t like another boy so fast and so soon. He knew he was going to end up getting hurt. He knew it, so why didn’t he stop himself?

Cyrus dropped the hoodie at TJ’s feet and turned around to leave, heat covering every inch of his face and iciness biting his heart.

“Take the hoodie, you’re going to get sick,” he heard TJ take a few steps. Cyrus reached the gate door, growing angry with TJ. He didn’t even know if he had the right to be angry with him, but he wasn’t going to think about it now. He had to leave. “Cyrus, please take it.”

“No,” Cyrus told him firmly before opening the gate and walking through it.

“Cyrus, you’re going to get sick,” TJ walked closer to him. Cyrus sharply turned around.

“Oh!” Cyrus sarcastically bit back before slamming the gate shut, “so you’re allowed to care about me, but I can’t care about you?” For the first time, TJ was looking at him. He seemed stunned at first, and his expression eventually rot down to a scowl. Cyrus and TJ stared at each other, but it wasn’t in the same way that they had done earlier on the couch. They were both bitter, red to the face, and slightly angry right now.

“Cyrus,” TJ grumbled, sounding exhausted, “you care too much about me.”

“Bullshit,” Cyrus didn’t even know if he was using that cuss word right. “I care about the both of us, and since you’re not going to let me be there for you, I’m going to take myself back to my best friend’s party that I left for you.”

“You weren’t supposed to come, Cyrus,” TJ groaned, more frustrated than ever. “This is personal. You never mind you own fucking business!” Cyrus gave him a dirty look before starting to walk away, fists clenched at his side. “Wait,” he heard TJ sigh, but Cyrus didn’t stop walking. He heard TJ frantically trying to open the gate, but for some reason, it wouldn’t open. Cyrus guessed he jammed it, and he started walking faster before TJ would manage to open it. He heard the fence rattle abruptly in the background and then he heard something land.

TJ jumped the fence and was now jogging after him, saying, “Cyrus, please don’t leave like this.”

Oh have the tables have turned Cyrus thought to himself as he kept moving. It didn’t take long for TJ to catch up and walk right behind him. “I’m going back to Andi’s,” Cyrus bitterly told him, “leave me alone.” Cyrus was practically shouting.

“Okay, then,” TJ yelled at him, “you just stay out my business.”

TJ stopped following him.

-

TJ stormed into the house, “Why did you let him come, Amber?” Amber was cleaning up pieces of broken glass from the floor, and she glared at him from the floor.

“He was worried sick for you TJ, and I couldn’t tell him no,” she explained, pouring tiny shards into a trashcan. “I didn’t let him come inside, and I didn’t want you to be inside while mom calmed down.” TJ remembered what was going on and decided to save the Cyrus discussion for later.

TJ leaned against the wall and solemnly asked her, “How is she?”

“I forced her to go in the bath you made for her,” Amber explained. “Good thinking by the way.”

“Thanks,” TJ muttered. His mom had only had a meltdown once before like that, and Amber immediately prepared a bath for her.

“Nana is coming right now.” Amber stood up and frowned as she asked, “Did Mom tell you what happened?”

“No,” TJ shook his head, “what’s going on?” He had just walked in on his mom crying before running up the stairs to make a  

“Dad got a job,” Amber paused for a second before continuing, “and wants to come back.” There was a stillness in the room. He looked at Amber, waiting for her to keep speaking. She didn’t. TJ didn’t know if he should be happy or upset.

“Isn’t that good?” TJ asked, his lips shaping into a frown. Amber always seemed to know the answer for a lot of things, but this time, she just shrugged.

 “I don’t know,” Amber replied, “that’s up for mom and dad to decide.” Amber sighed and looked at the broken glass, “I’m tired of fixing their problems. They’re the adults, and they need to figure it out. We’re going to be affected by it either way.” Amber started rubbing her watery eyes, her makeup smudging in the corners. TJ walked over to his sister and pulled her into a hug.

“We’ll be okay,” TJ told her gently. “Maybe not now but later.”

“It’s just not fair TJ,” Amber cried, “I should be at Andi’s party right now having a great time. You should only be worried about math and hanging out with your friends.”

“I can live without doing math for a bit.”

Amber manage to let out a small chuckle, “You’re silly.” There was a pause between them as they stood there, hearing each other breathe. “Let’s just wait on this one, okay? I don’t want to step in anymore.”

“Then you won’t. I’ll try not to run away every time there’s issues.”

“Thanks,” Amber told him before pulling away. She had her makeup all over the place now but she still managed to smile as she asked, “Okay but what happened upstairs?”

TJ glared at her, accidentally biting his cheek in the process, “Nothing.”

“Nothing?” Amber raised an eyebrow.

“Look,” TJ lowered his voice and looked around the room as if his mom was going to walk in, “I don’t want to talk about Cyrus right now.”

“TJ, are you really mad at him?” Amber sighed.

“Maybe I am,” TJ crossed his arms. “He just butts in too much.”

“Because he cares about you a lot, TJ. I’m pretty sure he likes you.”

“I don’t even know if he likes guys,” TJ rebutted a littler louder, making himself look around the room again.

“He followed you up to that room, and if something happened that you’re not tell- “

“We almost kissed!” TJ interrupted her, his face feeling like it was going to catch on fire. “There. That’s enough Cyrus talk for the week, okay?”

“Good thing it’s Saturday,” Amber smiled before turning around swiftly, whipping him with her hair. “I’m going to go check on mom. Take out the trash and open the door for Nana.”

-

Cyrus walked back into the Mack residence, a scowl on his face. Buffy was the first to notice his arrival, and she walked up to him, Marty trailing behind her.

“Hey,” Buffy asked him, concerned expression on her face, “what happened? Andi said you left for some TJ emergency.”

“I wasn’t needed, so I came back,” Cyrus explained, trying to move around them. Buffy and Marty created this wall that moved wherever he walked, and he was starting to not like Marty that much anymore for playing along. “Please, I’m trying to go eat my feelings.”

“Did he hurt you?” Buffy asked him. She already looked angry.

“No,” Cyrus stopped sidestepping and said, “I butted in where I wasn’t needed, and he got angry with me.”

“You guys will be fine, soon, I’m sure,” Marty smiled at him. Cyrus didn’t bother looking at Marty before trying to leave them, but Buffy moved in front of him.

“Did he yell at you?” Buffy asked him. Cyrus’ heart fell as he remembered the argument.

“It’s not that big of a deal, Buffy,” Cyrus said, “all I want is some chocolate chip cookies and some punch to get through the night.”

“Cyrus, you know you can tell me anything,” Buffy put her hand on his shoulder. Cyrus stared at her and gave her a small smile. “I won’t beat him up, I promise.”

Cyrus shrugged off her hand and told her, “I just want to be alone on this one, okay?” Buffy bit her lip, and before she would say anything else, Cyrus walked away to the snack table.

-

“The gate is a little broken,” TJ’s dad said as walked in through the front door for the first time in weeks. He looked disheveled with his tie halfway done and overgrown hair. He was still in a business suit, but it had a small tear at his sleeves that TJ had been aware of for a few months. Amber and TJ were on the couch with their Nana who immediately stood up.

“What are you doing here?” she scowled at him.

“I came to talk to Pearl,” TJ’s dad crossed his arms. He looked at Amber who usually came to his case, but Amber sat back with TJ on the couch.

“So what?” their Nana walked up to the taller man. She was a foot short than him, but it was their dad that was cowering down. “You can’t just leave during a crisis and come back like nothing, Viktor!” TJ did not want to be there anymore, but he didn’t want to leave Amber alone. TJ made eye contact with his dad for a moment as he tried to catch Amber’s eye. Amber was looking down at her hands, not saying anything. TJ heard footsteps and turned to the stairs where their mom stood in pajamas and with soaked har.

“Pearl,” their dad said in a desperate tone. He tried walking forward but their Nana stepped in front of him. “We need to talk. Please.” Their mom looked over at Amber who still wasn’t looking up. TJ shifted uncomfortably in his seat. She really was their referee. She didn’t deserve to be.

“Amber and I are going to leave,” TJ spoke up, surprising everyone in the room.

“But-“ TJ interrupted his dad.

“Amber isn’t your ref, she’s your daughter. You guys need to solve this out like adults and tell us what you decide,” TJ got Amber’s hand and pulled her up. The both went out the front door, not looking back.

TJ and Amber walked down the street, not going to any specific place. They were still holding hands like they did when they were younger. Like when GG died. Like when TJ told her he liked boys.

It was nice, and he had a feeling everything was going to be okay.

-

The next morning, TJ woke up with the sun from the open blinds hitting him. The house was silent except for the sound of once of his playlists that was still playing from the night before. Amber was gone from his bed, and he didn’t even know if she fell asleep there or if she just tucked him in. He knocked out almost immediately after closing his eyes.

It wasn’t C.C.C.M playing in the background, but one of the songs that was on C.C.C.M was on the playlist he was listening to. It irritated him more than what he felt it should have.

Breeze, stop moaning those wit melodies

My man has left me, so I can't face the music

Without singing the blues

TJ reached over on the dresser to sloppily disconnect his phone from the charger. When he looked at his screen, he realized that the first time in a long time, he didn’t have a good morning message from Cyrus. He closed Spotify before the song kept playing and tossed his phone at the end of his bed. TJ laid back down, letting the rays of sun lay down stripped patterns of shadows on him. He looked up at the ceiling, his eyes going straight to the polaroid. Without hesitating, he stood up again and took it down.

Chapter Text

Monday at school, TJ got dropped off by his dad before he headed off to work. They had all sat down at dinner on Sunday and agreed to stay in Shadyside. It’d be much better if his dad just commuted. TJ felt a tiny tinge of disappointment. He wouldn’t have had minded the move.

He couldn’t help but feel a little more alone. He knew why, but he wasn’t going to text Cyrus as much as Amber nagged him to do it. He still had all his basketball buddies, but he didn’t talk to them like he talked to Cyrus on some nights. It wasn’t the same thing.

TJ started wondering if he was exaggerating, but he decided it would be better to just not think about Cyrus and avoid him at all costs. Cyrus was the confrontational one, and if he wanted to go and apologize eventually, he could. TJ wouldn’t back off, but he wouldn’t approach Cyrus.

TJ felt weird going to tutoring after school, knowing that Cyrus wasn’t telling Mrs. Pierson some silly joke as he walked in. TJ was biting his tongue as he walked towards the classroom, hoping Mrs. Pierson wouldn’t bring anything up. He had hoped she took a hint when him and Cyrus didn’t pair up that day during class as usual. Cyrus was partners with Jonah for once, and it honestly bugged TJ. But he didn’t even want to look at Cyrus, so he tried to play it off like he didn’t care. He ended up with one of the girls that messaged him occasionally about The Giver. Her name was Lizzy Larson, and she was beautiful. But TJ was in no sense attracted to her like he was attracted to other boys. He kind of regretted not sitting with Gabriel Parks. That would’ve really riled Cyrus up.

TJ opened the door, and his eyes immediately went to the desk where Cyrus would always sit. He wasn’t there. Instead, next to Mrs. Pierson was this older lady he had never seen. Mrs. Pierson stood up and motioned TJ to go over with a swift motion of her hands.

“TJ,” she smiled, “come here. Meet Mrs. Luo. She’ll be your tutor from now on except on Wednesday’s and Friday’s.” TJ forced a friendly smile to Mrs. Luo who also looked like she hated her life with the grim expression she wore on her face. Mrs. Pierson looked around, “No Cyrus today? Is something wrong?” TJ hated that she skipped right to that question.

“Everything is fine,” TJ lied. He didn’t really feel like gossiping with Mrs. Pierson. Mrs. Pierson raised an eyebrow, and he had a feeling that if Mrs. Luo wasn’t there, she would’ve pressed it. He decided he liked Mrs. Luo.

-

He loved Mrs. Luo. When TJ walked out of the classroom, he definitely felt a lot better about math. She assigned him some extra things to do, but he didn’t mind. If his grade was good enough for him to stay on the basketball team, it was great for him. TJ walked out of the classroom after an hour like always, and he felt how cold the empty spot next to him was now that Cyrus wasn’t walking next to him. He shook off the thought and looked up from his shoes as he continued to walk the halls. There wasn’t a lot of people, just some kids in clubs and Fall sports. Then he caught Cyrus’ eyes.

Cyrus was leaning against his own locker, almost as if he were waiting for TJ to walked by. TJ guessed he just wanted to see if he went to tutoring again. TJ stopped in his tracks and looked at Cyrus, not letting a single muscle on his face twitch. Unlike him, Cyrus’ face was painted in a clear frown. TJ didn’t want anything to do with him, so he looked away and kept walking. He walked past Cyrus, feeling his brown eyes follow every step he took.

Cyrus didn’t say anything to stop him, so he didn’t.

-

Cyrus waited at a booth at The Spoon until the rest of them arrived. He had his earbuds on, and he was looking out the window. He stared at one couple for a little too long as they walked by, hand in hand. One of TJ’s playlist was playing, and it happened to be full of love songs. Cyrus wondered how many of those love songs applied to the couple he was watching. Cyrus was almost scared that TJ would make the playlists private. He had so much music on them it was impossible to go through every song in a few days. He tended to add a few new songs every morning, but he hadn’t added any since Saturday night.

Cyrus wanted to tell TJ something in the hallway, but he wasn’t sure what to even say. He hadn’t told anyone about the incident, just his journal. He had stared at the polaroid of them together until he fell asleep on his desk that night. His back hurt all of Sunday morning.

“Hey,” Amber’s voice played behind the music. Cyrus took off one of his earbuds and cracked a small smile at her. “Has he talked to you?” she asked as she sat down in front of him. She eyed the earbud Cyrus placed on the table.

Cyrus shook his head, “I waited after school for him where we would walk by to see if he went to tutoring.”

“Did he?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s good,” Amber picked up the earbud and put in her ear. The Idea of You by mxmtoon was playing, and it made Amber smile. “So, you didn’t go with him to tutoring?”

“I doubted he wanted me there. He won’t even look at me. It’s frustrating,” Cyrus frowned, fidgeting with his fingers how TJ used to. It wasn’t the same.

“TJ isn’t confrontational. If you want to talk to him again, you’re going to have to make the first move. He tends to just hide from anything that makes him uncomfortable.”

“Do I make him uncomfortable?” Cyrus frowned. He was doubting how straight TJ was, but it could explain a lot of things. It could explain why he ran after the almost kiss.

“I’m sure you don’t,” Amber shook her head. “He likes having you around a lot more than what he cares to admit.” Cyrus raised an eyebrow at her, but Amber quickly took off the earbud. “I have to go. Text me if you need anything.” Amber quickly left the booth before Cyrus could ask her anything.

Now he was even more confused and mxmtoon was making everything inside of him spin like a whirl in a shaken up water bottle. He looked out the window again, and he couldn’t find the couple anymore. He did finally see Andi and Buffy walking up to the store.

“What took you guys so long?” he asked them when they sat down across from him.

“We were discussing something,” Buffy told him, making him raise a brow. Both the girls were absorbed in their own little world, and they hadn’t noticed he was in a terrible mood all day. Cyrus didn’t really mind, though. He didn’t want to spoil their sudden bursts of happiness with their boys. Andi and Jonah seemed to be in a good place after the party, and Buffy and Marty were talking again.

“We wanted to have a group hang out,” Andi smiled at him.

Cyrus quickly guessed the situation, and he immediately said, “No thanks.”

“No?” Buffy frowned. “You don’t even know what we’re doing.”

“I do know that it will probably involve Marty and Jonah, and I’m going to fifth wheel.”

“No, you’re not,” Andi told him, looking desperately at Buffy. Buffy bit her lip because she knew better than to deny it.

“Yes,” Cyrus nodded vigorously, “yes I am.” The three stayed silent until Cyrus said, “Look, I don’t mind if you guys hang out without me. I need to study this weekend anyways.” Buffy and Andi looked at each other with worried frowns. “What?”

“We were going to leave right now,” Buffy told him. “Please come.”

“I,” Cyrus stood up, swinging his backpack around his shoulder, “have to go.”

“You’ll come help me at practice Friday, right?” Buffy asked him as he started walking out. Cyrus gave her a thumbs up before he plugged his earbuds back in and immersed himself in TJ’s playlist.

-

Cyrus had Spotify open on his laptop, playing songs nonstop at almost full volume. He was staring at the polaroid in his journal again from his desk, his hand leaving a red print on his cheek from how long he had been staring at the photo. He wondered if he really did screw up that badly?

He just wanted to show TJ he cared about him a lot. He didn’t mean to come off as super nosy. He tried not to think too much about what TJ had told him because it stung a lot. It was definitely hitting him harder than anything about Jonah ever did, and he hated it.

He didn’t only hate the situation he was in, but he hated himself. He had really fallen for another dumb boy and there was nothing he could do about it. Maybe this was for the best. The almost-kiss freaked TJ out which proves that TJ Kippen is in fact a big heterosexual, and he would never like him back.

Stay out of his business Cyrus thought to himself. He kind of regretted not taking the hoodie because at least he’d have an excuse to talk to him again. Now, he wouldn’t even know what to say when approaching him. Hey sorry I cared too much about you and your family I hope you can forgive me for being nosy but it’s honestly because I like you.

This would be so much easier if he had someone to talk about it to, but he didn’t. Nobody knew he liked TJ, and a lot of other people didn’t even know he was gay. Buffy and Andi were doing their own things with their boys, and Cyrus was busy slouching over a boy he never had.

For a moment, he wondered if TJ was even worth the mourning over. But he decided he was just going to let himself be sad for as long as he needed. It might’ve just been him, but Cyrus felt like there was something there, always leading him on. TJ Kippen led him on, and he couldn’t even get angry at him over it because it could also be just be him being analytical.

Boys were complicated.

Cyrus reached out for his phone, subconsciously wishing that he’d find a notification from TJ. A Snapchat even if their streak was dead. Some random meme on Twitter. Anything to let Cyrus know that the situation wasn’t as bad as he was making it out to be.

But there was nothing.

-

TJ was sitting down on Amber’s bed, doing homework in silence with her. He was hoping she didn’t bring anything up about Cyrus while he was in the zone with math. His tutor give him a few tips for doing homework, and it helped him out a lot.

As he was going through his problems for revision, Amber suddenly gasped, making him jump.

“What the heck, Amber?” TJ frowned.

“You’re not mad at Cyrus because he was being nosy or whatever you call it,” Amber smirked, “you’re scared of the conversation that’s going to come up.” TJ was lost.

TJ raised an eyebrow at his sister, “What conversation?”

“The one about the almost kiss,” she whispered, eyeing the shut door. Their parents were both at work, but it was a force of habit.

“That doesn’t even matter, Amber,” TJ crossed his arms, looking away from his sister. “You can’t talk about something that didn’t happen.”

“You talk about being mad at Cyrus,” she teased. TJ glared at her before shutting his notebook and shoving his it along with his papers in his backpack. “TJ,” she whined. “I just want you to be happy.”

“It’s not going to be with Cyrus,” TJ chewed out as he jumped off her bed, storming out the door. TJ went into his room, closing his door behind him and throwing his half open backpack on his bed. He didn’t even realize Macaroni was there until he hissed at him for almost hitting him. “Sorry,” he found himself muttering to the cat. He sat down in his desk chair and turned on his computer, going directly to Spotify.

Cyrus was still listed under friend activity, and it showed that he was listening to TJ’s “Simpin’ Songs” playlist. TJ resisted the urge to make the playlists private again and instead closed Spotify to open the Lonely Hours folder on his computer.

I'm nobody's baby

I wonder why

Each night and day I pray the Lord up above

Please send me down somebody to love

TJ got up and walked over to his bed. Macarani let out a hiss, but he grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and moved him to the end of the bed. TJ crawled on and opened his backpack to resume his homework. He looked at his phone, the only notifications from the basketball team group chat. He swiped them out before immersing himself in math.

But nobody wants me

I'm blue somehow

Won't someone hear my plea and take a chance with me

Because I'm nobody's baby now

Only a few problems in, TJ couldn’t help but look over at his bookshelf full of vinyl players. He looked at the upper corner where he had a Vic Damone vinyl at the very edge, covering a well-hidden polaroid photo. He didn’t want to throw it away, so he stuffed it somewhere he didn’t look very often. He found himself staring there every other minute.

Nobody's baby

And I've got to know the reason why

Last week I was walking down the street and met a boy and I said

"Hey! Maybe I was meant for you"

But he only shook his head and said "Goodbye"

He kept on walking down the avenue

TJ noticed his door slightly opening, Amber peaking her head in. Macaroni let out a mew as he recognized her. “You could be his baby,” she joked. TJ pretended to go back to his problem as Amber walked in.

“Are you mad at me?” she asked him, sitting down at his desk chair.

“No,” TJ told her, shaking his head. “I just don’t want to talk about Cyrus.”

“You’re going to have to do it eventually.”

“No because I don’t want to.”

“TJ, you still like him,” Amber reminded him, “it’s not like all of your feelings went away just because you got mad at him once.”

“They could have,” TJ stubbornly muttered.

“They didn’t,” Amber said, completely sure of herself. Her and TJ stayed silent for a moment, not really looking at each other. “Don’t let Cyrus go over something this small, TJ. He cares so much about you.”

“Sounds like a personal problem.”

“Excuse me?” Amber rolled her eyes. “Am I talking to the old TJ? Because the old TJ didn’t care about anyone but himself. If I remember correctly, it was Cyrus who brought out this wonderful side of TJ .”

“Well, he’s dead now,” TJ started biting at the end of the pencil.

“Why are you being so stubborn?” Amber sighed, laying down on the end of the bed next to Macaroni. TJ didn’t reply. He didn’t have an answer for her. “You’re allowed to stop being mad at someone, TJ. We’re both not mad at dad anymore.” TJ looked at the shelf again and then looked up his ceiling where he missed Cyrus’ photo. He’d never say that, though. At least not right now.

“Just let me cool off,” TJ mumbled. “I feel like if I talk to him now I’m going to say things I’ll regret. Then I really won’t be able to fix it.”

“You have until the end of this week before I invite him over myself,” Amber propped herself up on her elbow. TJ rolled his eyes and went back to doing his work. On the inside, he didn’t know where he’d be without Amber.

-

Every day that TJ had tutoring, Cyrus would wait outside for him. Every day, TJ had walked by him without even acknowledging that he was there. Cyrus knew that TJ saw him, so he very well knew that TJ didn’t even want to look at him. Was he really that ugly up close? Cyrus had been going to the swings every day afterwards, singing his little song to feel better. It only helped a little, and the effects wore off once he got home to his journal.

Buffy and Andi still didn’t know that something was bothering him, and he didn’t know who to talk about things about. He had wanted to send TJ so many “how it’s made” videos within the past few days but found himself unable to. He was convinced TJ hated him and wanted nothing to do with him. He felt stupid for even thinking that for a moment in time, TJ could like him.

That Friday, Mrs. Pierson had made everyone partner up and once again, he got stuck with Jonah as TJ went with Lizzy Larson. She was pretty, and Cyrus hated it. He didn’t hate her. He just hated the nasty feelings that came with the idea of TJ holding someone else’s hand. It really threw him off guard, and he and Jonah lost the Kahoot game. He tried to catch TJ’s eyes a couple of times, but he kept laughing with Lizzy about who knows what, making him feel completely sad.

He felt done for the day after math, and he was ready to go home. Of course, like always, the universe had other plans to make him feel like crap. He still had to go help Buffy at the basketball team tryouts even if he just wanted to go home and make himself cry.

“Hey, Cyrus,” Buffy waved at him as he walked into the gym.

“He-,” Cyrus stopped himself as he noticed TJ talking to some of the basketball girls behind Buffy. TJ saw Cyrus with the corner of his eye and quickly turned his neck to see him. Both of the boys had frowns on their faces.

“What’s wrong?” Buffy looked between Cyrus and TJ. Neither of them said anything, the conversation between the basketball girls filling the space of the gym. Still, TJ and Cyrus remained silent, only staring at each other. The other girls started to noticed, freaking out Buffy. Buffy walked over to TJ and dragged him over by the arm to Cyrus. She whispered to them, “What’s going on? Am I missing something?”

“I didn’t think you’d bring Cyrus,” TJ looked up at the ceiling, his lips forming into a thin line. TJ was refusing to look at him, and it made Cyrus’ eyes burn with tears. Cyrus stared at him, mouth agape. Did he really resent him that much?

“I’m just gonna go,” Cyrus whispered before running out, the gym doors closing behind him.

Chapter Text

TJ watched Cyrus disappear out the gym doors, a sinking feeling appearing in his chest. He was surprised they didn’t move by themselves and start chasing after him.

“Look,” Buffy whispered to TJ, trying to ignore that the entire gym was focusing on them, “I don’t know what’s going on, but it looks like you need to go after him.” TJ gave her a dumbfounded look that only ticked her off a little more. “Go!” she pointed out the door. TJ rolled his eyes in an attempt to hide his frown.

“You’re the best friend,” he tried to tell her.

“You’re the one who is clearly making him upset so go before I call Amber,” Buffy waved her pointed finger furiously. TJ let out a small grunt before walking out. He didn’t have to go after Cyrus, did he? He could just go home from here.

He didn’t have anything to say to him. He wouldn’t know what to say to him. It was pointless.

TJ kept walking through the halls until he reached the front of the school and recognized Cyrus walking off in the distance. TJ let out a sigh before speeding up to catch up to him, quickly recognizing the path he was going through.

Within minutes, he found himself at the park. Cyrus had already made it to the swing sets, and he had no idea that TJ was behind him. TJ really didn’t want to be there, but suddenly, all of the feelings that came with missing Cyrus started crashing down at once. He took a deep breath and walked to the swing set, taking a seat in the one besides Cyrus who was humming his song. Cyrus noticed TJ, immediately silencing himself.

They both swung in silence, TJ keeping up with Cyrus’ slow pace. For the first time in what felt like weeks, the music stopped. There was an ominous silence that came with the shrinking feeling of discomfort.

What happened to us? TJ thought to himself. There was no song playing in his head. There was no song in the world that could match up with how he felt at the moment with the silence, Cyrus, and the swings. There was no rhythm to the creaking swing set. There was no drumbeat in the wind blowing through the trees. There was no chorus from the children playing in the background. His endless conversations with Cyrus were his playlist, and he was starting to realize how bad he wanted it back.

“Hey,” Cyrus finally whispered, dragging his feet on the sand to stop his swing.

TJ repeated Cyrus’ action and mumbled quietly, “Hey.”

“I’m sorry for being nosy,” Cyrus blurt out, not looking at TJ. TJ looked at the side of Cyrus’ face, wanting to meet his eyes.

“Don’t worry about it,” TJ leaned his cheek against the swing chain, staring at Cyrus. “I think,” TJ sighed, rolling his eyes, “I think I blew things out of proportion. It was a bad time. I think I should apologize too.” TJ looked down at the sand before them before whispering, “I’m sorry.”

“I accept your apology,” Cyrus turned to look at him. That’s it? “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“I don’t want to come off as nosy, though,” Cyrus bit his lip.

“You weren’t being nosy,” TJ shook his head. “You actually care about me, and I’m not… really used to people who aren’t my family caring about me as much as you do. It’s nice that you care. Thank you.” Cyrus leaned towards TJ, still on his swing and reached out his hand. TJ took it immediately and gave him a small grin.

“I know you care about me, too. We’re even,” Cyrus told him, a smile on his face. TJ couldn’t help but blush.

“Yeah,” TJ cleared his throat, “we are.” TJ stared at Cyrus face for a moment while Cyrus looked around the floor, ignoring the fact that TJ’s face was beat red for him.

Cyrus then looked up and caught TJ staring, making him more flustered, “Is your family good?”

“Yeah,” TJ turned away quickly, “my dad got a job. He’s back home. We’re not moving from Shadyside.” Cyrus squeezed his hand. I’ve missed this.

“You guys were going to move?”

“Maybe,” TJ gently moved his thumb on the side of Cyrus’ hand, “but my dad is commuting. We’re here to stay.”

“I’m glad.”

“Me, too,” TJ said, starting to tug on Cyrus’ arm. He felt a little brave at the moment, and he was going to see how far that took him.

“What?” Cyrus raised an eyebrow as TJ pulled his swing closer, the chains twisting to face him.

“I want to hug you,” TJ said quietly, almost in a whisper.

“Bring it in, then,” Cyrus flashed a grin, making TJ’s heart pound like a drum in a middle school marching band. TJ held onto Cyrus hand as he stood up and walked two steps towards him. He pulled Cyrus up to stand and drew him in to a hug, the side of his cheek pressing against Cyrus’ ear.

The words cut his tongue as they came out of his mouth, “You’re a good friend, Cyrus.”

-

“You’re a good friend, Cyrus,” Amber mocked TJ as he let out a muffled scream into his pillow. “You should’ve just told him then and there.”

“Tell him what?” TJ turned over on his back and let out a frustrating sigh, squeezing his eyes shut.

“What else?” Amber said like it was the obvious thing in the world. “Tell him that you like him.”

“That would’ve been horrible timing,” TJ mumbled. “I just got him back.”

“You’ve always had him, Teej,” Amber spun on his desk chair. “You should invite him over tonight for a movie.”

“With mom and dad here? Not a chance,” TJ opened his eyes, turning to make a face at Amber.

“Don’t give me that face,” Amber roll her eyes. “They’re going out on a date tonight.”

“They are?” TJ raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, mom texted me like three hours ago that he was picking her up from work. She wanted me to take her a change of clothes.”

“That’s nice,” TJ smiled at his sister before looking back up at the ceiling. As soon as he got home, he reached for the Vic Damone vinyl and put the polaroid back up where it belonged. Him and Cyrus held hands as they made their way back to the basketball practice, only separating when they went inside so Buffy wouldn’t think too much about it. Cyrus was the first one to let go, and TJ wasn’t sure if he would’ve let go. He would’ve liked to make Buffy do a double take.

After Buffy’s practice, TJ went straight home, leaving Cyrus behind with Buffy. It took all his might to not give Cyrus a goodbye hug. Now that he had him there again, he realized how important Cyrus was to him. Amber was right, and she didn’t have to rub that fact in his face for them to know.

“So are you going to invite him over?” Amber asked him, raising her eyebrows at TJ. TJ reached over for his phone without answering her. She wouldn’t stop asking until he actually did it.

TJ: hey underdog. Down for a movie night?

“There,” TJ shook his phone screen at Amber, “happy?”

“Very,” she crossed her arms, a satisfied grin on her face.

Cyrus: let me ask my mom real quick. she gets iffy about me staying out late

TJ: you can always sleepover if she doesn’t want to pick u up so late

“Amber,” TJ whispered.

“What?”

“I think I just invited him to sleepover.”

“That’s cute. Wash your bedsheets.”

“What?” TJ’s sat up, his heart pounding fast again. Why did I ask him to sleepover? That’s so dumb.

“Wash your bedsheets. If he sleeps over, you’re sleeping on the floor and he takes the bed. Proper etiquette.”

“The guys on the team always sleep on the floor.”

“And then?”

“Good point.”

Cyrus: she said yes :) what time can I come over??

TJ: give me 2 hours to clean around

Cyrus: got it. See u then

“He said yes,” TJ smiled at his phone screen. He looked up at Amber and asked, “Do I still need to ask mom and dad?”

“You never have, and you’ve had the entire school over before. I think they’ll like Cyrus if they like your motorbike friends.”

“They’re not that bad.”

“We used to have three bathrooms, TJ.”

“Fair point.”

-

Cyrus sat with his duffel bag on his lap, his leg dancing up and down as his mom drove him down to TJ’s house. He could’ve walked, but she insisted on knowing where TJ lived. ‘The vampire house’ wasn’t a good enough description for her. He was even more nervous knowing that both of TJ’s parents might be there, and he didn’t know how they’d act. Besides that, he had that pulling feeling that he was forgetting something.

“Call me if anything happens, okay?” his mom said, pulling up in front of the Kippen’s place.

“Yeah, of course,” Cyrus nodded, unbuckling his seatbelt.

“Hey, before you leave,” his mom said, making Cyrus grow even more nervous. “You’ve seemed a little… sad this week. Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Cyrus sighed in relief. “I fixed the issue. It’s all good now.”

“Okay,” she nodded. “I didn’t want to be the overbearing parent, so I wanted to wait before asking you. You know you can tell me anything.”

“I know, mom,” Cyrus smiled at her. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, honey,” she leaned over to kiss his forehead. “Have fun.” Cyrus got out of the car and waved goodbye before making his way to the door. He struggled for a moment with the jammed gate. He didn’t know whether to feel bad or proud about it.

TJ opened the door before Cyrus could ring, “Hey,” TJ smiled at him, “Macaroni started making noise.”

“Don’t dogs do that?” Cyrus asked him, stepping inside.

“He’s lying,” Amber said as she stepped out of the kitchen and headed towards the stairs, “he’s been looking out the window.”

“She’s lying,” TJ glared at her as she walked off.

“We all know I’m not, Macaroni isn’t even here,” Amber said before closing her door.

“She’s lying,” TJ said directly to Cyrus. “She is a liar.” Cyrus didn’t know what to say, so he just smiled. The idea of TJ looking out the window was really cute. “Look,” TJ pointed at the couch, “Macaroni is right there.” Macaroni was sitting down on the arm, staring right at the boys.

“I believe you,” Cyrus smirked, causing TJ to Cyrus.

“You don’t, do you?”

“Not one bit,” Cyrus laughed, causing TJ to roll his eyes. TJ reached over and grabbed Cyrus’ duffel bag, swinging it over his shoulder. “I’m not weak,” Cyrus told him as he started heading towards the stairs.

“I know,” TJ turned his neck back and smiled, “you broke our gate.”

“That was an accident that happened in the heat of the moment, and I am very sorry about that,” Cyrus slurred his words as he followed TJ up the stairs. TJ broke out into a run as soon as he reached the top, making Cyrus groan. “Why are you running? That’s the opposite of what I was promised!” Cyrus ran to the end of the dark hall, following TJ into his room.

“I just wanted to see what you’d do,” TJ smirked as he set Cyrus’ duffel bag down on the bed. Cyrus looked around the cluttered room before remembering what he had forgotten.

“Oh no,” Cyrus gasped, “I forgot my sleeping bag. Let me text my mom-

“Don’t bother,” TJ interrupted him. “You’re taking the bed.”

“What if I don’t want the bed?” Cyrus crossed his arms, his phone opened to his contacts.

“I will fight you.”

“You wouldn’t do that.”

“Test me.”

“Who was the 32nd president of the United States?”

“Franklin D. Roosevelt, and he had three vice presidents.”

“You impress me.”

“Thanks,” TJ gave him a cocky smile. “You’re taking the bed.”

“Where are you going to sleep, then?” Cyrus frowned. He felt guilty about taking someone else’s bed, and he wasn’t sure how he’d make it through the night knowing he was in TJ’s bed. His heart was already acting like it was performing some satanic ritual in chest as the fact that he was sleeping over at his crush’s house kept flashing in his brain. He didn’t know how he was keeping up this entire cool demeanor. If this scenario had happened with Jonah months ago, he would’ve passed out and died.

“Air mattress,” TJ said, pointing to a box by his vinyl shelf. “Don’t keep arguing. It’s not going to work.”

“Fine,” Cyrus gave up. “I’ll take the bed.”

“Take it?” TJ tilted his head. “You can only borrow it.” TJ immediately broke out in a grin as Cyrus stared at him, confused.

“TJ, I will literally walk out the front door right now,” Cyrus pointed at the bedroom door.

“That’s not the front door,” TJ started laughing.

Cyrus couldn’t help but smile at what a big dork TJ was being, “Why are you acting like a child?”

“I’m just in a good place right now,” TJ smiled, sitting down on the bed.

“That’s good. I hope you stay there.”

TJ pouted his lips and looked at his wrist as if he had a watch, “My flight actually leaves in two hours so…”

“Oh, TJ has jokes,” Cyrus chuckled.

“Do you?”

“Bad puns, mostly,” he admitted.

“I like bad puns,” TJ said, “those are allowed in this house.”

“But color isn’t?” Cyrus smirked, walking over to the desk chair.

“Hey,” TJ shrugged, “what can I say? We’re all vampires in this house. The lipstick on your forehead is pushing it with the color, but I’ll let it slide because it’s red.” Cyrus immediately reached up and wiped off the makeup that his mom had left earlier. “You should’ve left it. It was cute. My mom would leave black lipstick on me.”

“That’s awesome,” Cyrus grinned.

“Yeah,” TJ laid back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. “They were real metal heads.”

“How are you parents?” Cyrus asked him, sort of regretting the question when it left his mouth.

“They’re out on a date right now, actually,” TJ propped himself up on his elbow. “They’ve been fine. They haven’t made Amber do anything for them which is good. We’ve all been happier. It’s like things used to be... just better.”

“I know I’ve said it twice already, but I’m really happy for you,” Cyrus smiled. TJ and him stared at each other for a second, holding eye contact.

“Come here,” TJ patted the space in the bed next to him as he laid back down, his legs hanging off the bed. Cyrus’ felt every ounce of air leave his lungs. He didn’t want TJ to say anything, so he went over. He moved his duffel bag on the floor before laying down next to TJ. Almost immediately, TJ reached over and interlaced his fingers with Cyrus. “That,” TJ pointed at the ceiling, “we a family selfie we took on Monday at breakfast before my dad went to work. We took four of them on my polaroid. We all couldn’t see for a good minute.”

“Who is that?” Cyrus pointed an older woman’s photo in the ceiling. She had a young TJ and Amber at both of her sides. Her eyes were visibly green in the photo.

“My Nana,” TJ squeezed his hand, “she doesn’t like my dad very much right now. She’ll get over it by next month.”

“Is that a puppy?” Cyrus pointed at a picture in the corner where TJ was holding up a small animal.

“That is a guinea pig,” TJ chuckled.

“What happened to it?”

“We got a cat.”

Cyrus gasped in horror, “Macaroni killed it?”

TJ let out a loud laugh, captivating all of Cyrus attention as he told him, “No, no. We got Macaroni, so we gave him to GG, so he could have company. It was super long ago, though. I think I was like 9 when that hamster died.”

“Have you gone through your GG’s things yet?” Cyrus asked him, turning his head to TJ.

“You remembered?” TJ turned his head to Cyrus. Once again, they were nose to nose. Cyrus was scared to breathe, feeling like his was trapped in a bubble with only him and TJ. He wondered if they were ever going to talk about what happened at Andi’s party.

Cyrus whispered as his eyes followed all of the freckles on his nose in a line, “Yes.” Everything seemed to be moving so slowly.

“I haven’t gone through them,” TJ mumbled, pulling his face back only to the point where their noses weren’t kissing. Cyrus was already forgetting the whole subject of TJ’s great grandpa’s things.

TJ reached over with his other hand and pressed his thumb on the mole on Cyrus cheek. When TJ first did that, that was when Cyrus knew he had definitely fallen for the smug bastard that he could only stay mad at for three seconds. Cyrus loved it when he did that, but he hated all the conflicting thoughts that came with it. When he did that on the couch, Cyrus really thought he was going to lean in and kiss him. But he didn’t. Cyrus made a lot of the first moves on the couch to get closer to him, and TJ didn’t fight any of them.

Cyrus couldn’t kiss him first, though. That would throw everything off. Cyrus could really be misreading the whole situation even as he’s lying there, super positive with the fact that probably neither Andi nor Buffy had been in this situation with any boy before. Unfortunately, he knew that TJ and him had two barriers that made everything harder: They were boys and You’re a good friend, Cyrus.

For now, all Cyrus could do was breathe in the moment, letting his flushed mind take over.

Cyrus shifted lightly as he decided to speak about the moment that’s been resting on his mind, “Cece said she wouldn’t tell anyone.” TJ looked confused for a split second before his lips went slightly agape. TJ only nodded, starting to rub his thumb on Cyrus hand like he did last time.

“Cyrus,” TJ gently spoke, “are you still scared?” TJ was holding his hand a lot tighter, his finger nails lightly lining parts of his skin. His green eyes seemed to be staring right through him; Cyrus had never felt more vulnerable.

“Terrified,” Cyrus admitted.

TJ suddenly pulled away, separating his hand from Cyrus’. He reached over for his phone on the bedside burrow before laying back down even closer to Cyrus.

“Let’s listen one of my playlists right now,” TJ told him as he opened his Spotify app in front of their faces. Cyrus’ ear was on TJ’s temple, and Cyrus was convinced TJ could hear the blood flooding through his entire body.

“Which one?” Cyrus asked, reaching over to hold TJ’s free hand.

TJ pressed play as he interlocked their fingers, “C.C.C.M.”

Let's fall in love

Why shouldn't we fall in love?

Our hearts are made of it

Let's take a chance

Why be afraid of it?

Chapter Text

They boys laid there, holding hands and listening to the songs TJ had put on C.C.C.M. Crazy Cool Cat Music Cyrus thought to himself. Most of the songs were love songs, and it took a lot out of him to constantly remind himself that that was a coincidence. There was no specific reason why TJ was showing him these songs.

“I owe you cake,” TJ suddenly told him after half an hour of being there. Cyrus lifted a brow before remembering that TJ said he’d bake him a cake with the frosting of his choice. TJ sat up, not letting go of Cyrus’ hand and said, “Come on, we’ll go make the cake and watch the movie downstairs.” Cyrus found himself sitting up, being pulled out the door and down the hallway by TJ.

In the kitchen, TJ refused to let Cyrus do any of the work. Cyrus sat down and watched from the table where TJ was mixing ingredients. “Let me help you,” Cyrus insisted.

“Nope,” TJ stuck his tongue out at Cyrus. “You’re the guest.”

“You’re very stubborn sometimes,” Cyrus frowned, making TJ smile.

“I’m not ashamed of that,” TJ shrugged. Cyrus rolled his eyes but couldn’t hold back his smile. “You can pick out the movie today.”

“Really?” Cyrus placed his hand on his cheek. “I’m usually not allowed to.”

“Why is that?” TJ asked as he poured ingredients into a pan.

“Because Andi and Buffy hate documentaries,” Cyrus bit his lip. He didn’t know why he felt so embarrassed when it came to TJ finding out he was a big dork. It written in neon letters on his forehead basically.

“Pick one,” TJ said, moving away from the table, “I don’t mind.”

“Are you sure? I’ve been wanting to watch this one on weird sea creatures that’s on Netflix.”

“Yeah, Cyrus,” TJ turned around to give him a quick smile, “I don’t mind. My parents make me watch documentaries on bands all the time. I know more about Queen than anyone our age should.” Cyrus smiled before he realized something.

“Do your parents know I’m here?” Cyrus asked him, moving his fingernail between his teeth.

“Nope,” TJ said, turning on the oven.

Cyrus let out a little gasp, “TJ.”

“What?” TJ smiled. “They won’t care. They like all my friends. My dad likes to pretend that he’s cool. He just gets really sad if you don’t understand his music references.”

“I feel unprepared to meet your parents,” Cyrus told him, making TJ laugh.

“You’re fine, Cyrus. They’re not going to go after your blood.”

“Well considering they’re vampires, that’s hard to believe,” Cyrus half-smiled, the anxiety starting to take a toll on him.

“Well vampires stay out late. We’ll probably be asleep by the time they come back.”

“Oh, we’re actually going to sleep?” Cyrus cocked his head to the side. “I thought sleepovers consisted of mandatory all-nighters.”

“Do you want to pull an all-nighter?” TJ raised an eyebrow, a little surprised with him.

“Nope,” Cyrus shook his head, a little relived. “I would die.”

“You wouldn’t die if you became a vampire,” TJ brought up his tongue and placed it on the tip of his canine teeth for Cyrus to see.

“I’m not interested in immortality, but thank you,” Cyrus said politely, making TJ laugh again. “I’m going to go figure out how your TV works now.”

“Okay,” TJ said as he moved around the utensils, “remote might be on the coffee table. It has a Netflix button. The cake is about to go in anyways.” Cyrus left the kitchen and found Macaroni on the arm of the couch, fast asleep. He smiled and went to pick up the remote, a family photo catching his eye. He had noticed very few photos the last time he was here, and the more he looked around, the more photos he saw. He picked up the photo next to the remote and saw a younger TJ, getting a piggyback ride from his dad who was holding Amber’s hand. Amber was wearing a hot pink dress while TJ and his dad had matching blacks shirts. Cyrus was almost positive the shirt his dad had on in the photo was from a band, but he couldn’t read the font. TJ really didn’t look like his dad as much as Amber. Cyrus noted that TJ didn’t look like his dad at all.

Cyrus put the photo down before sitting down next to Macaroni who let out a pleased purr. The smell of popcorn started coming from the kitchen and into the living room, as Cyrus searched for the documentary.

“Oh,” TJ frowned as he came in with a bowl of popcorn, “Macaroni is here.” Cyrus grabbed Macaroni and placed the cat on his lap, causing TJ to glare at the animal.

“Macaroni wants to learn about what’s at the bottom of the ocean,” Cyrus announced to TJ, only to tick him off a little more.

“Macaroni probably came from the bottom of the ocean,” TJ rolled his eyes before sitting down next to Cyrus. Macaroni hissed at TJ, causing TJ to scoot further away from Cyrus. “He’s hoarding you.”

“It’s not my fault I’m attractive,” Cyrus joked around. “Just kidding. Macaroni just hates you.” TJ smiled at him before sticking out his tongue at the cat. Macaroni let out another quiet hiss before Cyrus started playing the documentary.

Cyrus looked over at TJ the entire time, trying to make out if he was paying attention or not. He was more into it than Cyrus was, that’s for sure. Cyrus couldn’t really focus on the screen when he had TJ letting out small gasps of amazements every other minute. It was really cute to him, and all of the feelings he had for TJ would roll through his body. The rest of the night was going to be even more painful, he could feel it.

The documentary was over in less than an hour, and TJ was sitting there, popcorn halfway to his mouth. “Do you think this is all real?” TJ asked Cyrus, the popcorn falling back into the bowl.

“Duh,” Cyrus smiled. “That’s why the ocean is scary, and I don’t trust it.”

“I don’t think I trust the ocean anymore, either,” TJ laughed, looking down at the bowl of popcorn. “I forgot to share with you, sorry.”

“I have cat hair all over me. The last place I want it going is in my mouth.”

“I’m going to go check on the cake,” TJ said, putting the bowl on the table. “You can put on something else.”

“About the sea or corporations?”

“Nothing is going to stop me from eating fast food.”

“This one documentary is one of the main reasons why I only eat at diners now,” Cyrus wiggled his eyebrows at TJ who was contemplating.

“Fine,” TJ let out a dramatic sigh. “Show me what you got.” While TJ was in the kitchen, Cyrus was going through Netflix to find the documentary when the door behind him opened. Macaroni immediately jumped off Cyrus lap as Cyrus turned around.

“Honey,” a lady in a simple black dress said, looking at the nervous Cyrus, “that’s not our kid.”

“Pearl,” the man sighed, walking over to Cyrus, “I know I don’t have my glasses, but I can very clearly see that that’s one of our… nope,” the man smacked his lips on the ‘p’, “he’s not ours.” TJ walked out of the kitchen nonchalantly and smiled at his parents.

“Hey,” TJ said, sitting back down, “you guys are back early.”

“We just came back to change,” the man said, switching his view between TJ and Cyrus. He was squinting, and Cyrus came to the conclusion that he had really bad sight.

“Why?” TJ asked, reaching over for the bowl of popcorn. “Where are you guys going at this time?”

“There’s a local band playing in town, and I can’t go in there in heels,” Pearl said, already reaching down to take off her red shoes.

“I also forgot to put in contacts this morning,” the man waved his fingers all over his face. “I haven’t been able to see shit.”

“Language!” Pearl’s eyes widened. “There’s a guest!”

“Oh yeah,” TJ nodded his head at Cyrus, “this is Cyrus. Cyrus these are my parents.”

“We’re not vampires,” TJ’s dad immediately said, confusing Cyrus. “This is the friend that you tricked into thinking we’re vampires, right?” he looked over at TJ who seemed to be getting flustered all of the sudden.

“Uh,” TJ cleared his throat, “one of them.”

“Nope,” Pearl shook her head. “You only said one name, and it was Cyrus.” TJ was nervously running his fingers through his hair as Cyrus and his parents smiled at each other. “Nice to meet you, Cyrus.”

“Nice to meet you guys, too,” Cyrus told them.

“Hey, are you the one that also helps TJ with math?” his dad asked him. TJ was sinking down into the couch now, obviously regretting not getting his parents out of there as fast as he could.

“I’m mostly there for moral support,” Cyrus told him, “but if we’re not being too tight on facts, that would be me.”

His dad smiled and nodded, “Thank you for that.”

Before Cyrus could say anything, Pearl put a hand on her husband’s shoulder and said, “Let’s go get ready, Viktor. Show starts soon.” Viktor nodded and started heading up the stairs. Pearl stayed a little behind and looked over at TJ, “Did you bake?”

“Yeah,” TJ muttered, a little too miserably.

“It smells good,” she complimented him.

TJ sat up a little and smiled, “Thanks, ma.” Pearl quickly followed behind Viktor, heels in her hand.

“Your parents are really nice,” Cyrus smiled.

“Yeah,” TJ agreed with him. “They went to a marriage counselor on Tuesday. They’re going to start going once a week and see how it goes. It’s been really good so far. No fights.”

“Is Amber still going to therapy?”

“Yeah,” TJ nodded. “She never stopped.”

“Can I ask you something?” Cyrus looked over, not knowing how to put out the words.

“Always,” TJ sat all the way up, looking right at Cyrus.

“Why didn’t you decide to go to therapy?” Cyrus hoped he wasn’t asking a bad question. He was interested in a lot of aspects of TJ, and he wanted to know more and more of him.

“I don’t think I needed it as much as Amber, and also, I wouldn’t be able to open up to a stranger,” TJ bit his bottom lip, his eyes no longer meeting Cyrus’.

“You opened up to me when we first met.”

“You’ve never been like anyone else, though,” TJ scooted a little closer to Cyrus and grabbed his hand, making Cyrus’ face heat up. “I always felt like I could trust you, and I can. I just didn’t know if I could be a good friend to you.”

“You are, TJ,” Cyrus squeezed his hand.

“I’ve been an asshole.”

“Not really. That’s just you,” Cyrus said, making TJ look over at him.

“Want to go decorate the cake?” TJ smiled.

“Will you actually let me do something for once?” Cyrus teased him.

“Maybe,” TJ stuck out his tongue before standing up, once again leading Cyrus by the hand. TJ let go of Cyrus to go through the drawers. “My dad tends to eat things like frosting and honey, so if it’s gone, it’s gone,” TJ smiled.

“I didn’t eat whatever I’m being accused of eating,” Viktor walked up to the doorway. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt instead of the fancy clothes he had on earlier. Cyrus could see his resemblance to Amber.

“A can of frosting,” TJ said without looking away from the shelf.

“I ate a whole jar of jam this morning and that’s about it,” Viktor smiled. Cyrus was cringing on the inside, not understanding how any human could process that through their bodies.

“You’re not my dad,” TJ shook his head, taking out the can of strawberry frosting. He showed it to Cyrus before closing the cabinets.

“I know we don’t look alike, but I’m pretty sure you’re my kid,” Viktor chuckled. “Your Nana designed you somehow to look like your mom’s side of the family.”

“Yeah,” TJ laughed, opening the can of frosting, “she hacked into my genetic code.”

“Exactly,” Viktor snapped his fingers. Pearl walked up the kitchen door, wearing the same thing as Viktor, colors and all. “Awe, we’re matching,” Viktor put his arm around her shoulder.

“I guess we are,” Pearl laughed, taking in their outfits. Pearl looked at the boys and smiled, asking, “Are you sleeping over, Cyrus?”

“That’s the plan,” Cyrus nodded at her. Viktor flashed him an awkward thumbs up that made TJ roll his eyes and Cyrus chuckl.

“Okay, we might be gone for work by the time you guys wake up. TJ you’re not going back to the kiddie’s gym tomorrow right?” Cyrus quickly turned to look at TJ who was biting his lip now.

“Uh, yeah,” TJ told her. He hadn’t told Cyrus that he was quitting the gym. It did make sense why he wasn’t working that day now that he thought about it.

“TJ,” she pursed her lips like a mother about to scold her child.

“I quit, ma,” TJ reassured her, “I promise.”

“Okay, just making sure,” she smiled at him. “See you boys later, okay? Don’t burn anything down.” She gave TJ an eyebrow raise before walking away, leaving Viktor’s arm in the air.

“Later, dudes,” Viktor waved at them before heading out the door behind Pearl. As soon as the front door shut, Cyrus looked over at TJ who was clearly trying to avoid his gaze.

“You quit?” Cyrus raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” TJ bit his lip, looking down at the frosting he was pouring into another bowl. “Yesterday.”

“Why?”

“My parents wanted me to. They didn’t see a reason for me to be working anymore now that dad has a job.”

“Did you want to quit?”

“Not really,” TJ shook his head, filling a baggie with frosting. “But basketball practice starts in two weeks after Buffy gets her team together. I can’t slack off on math right now, especially. It was for the best.”

“I see,” Cyrus frowned. “I liked the kids.”

“They liked you, too,” TJ bit his lip. “A lot.”

“I’m going to miss them.”

“Yeah,” TJ handed Cyrus a bag of frosting, “me, too.”

-

TJ woke up, barely able to open his eyes. The green coming from the TV was hurting his eyes, the sound of Shrek playing in the background filing in. He blinked a couple of times, realizing that the movie was almost over. He looked to his side and saw that Cyrus was under his arm, sleeping peacefully. Cyrus’s head was resting on him, his breathing even. He didn’t want to wake him up, and he wanted to go back to sleep, but his parents couldn’t see them like this.

“Hey, Cy,” TJ whispered, pressing his lips into Cyrus’ temple. He was tempted to kiss him, but held it back. He pulled away a little and whispered, “Cyrus. Let’s go get ready for bed.” Cyrus shifted a little, reaching up to rub his eyes.

“What time is it?” Cyrus said, making the mistake of looking up. TJ’s heart started hammering against his chest. He had Cyrus so close, their noses touching.

TJ gulped, “Late. We should,” TJ was trying his hardest to not lean in, “go.” Cyrus nodded ever so slightly, the tip of his nose pressing against TJ’s. Cyrus was the first to pull away, standing up to stretch. TJ looked down at his hands and took a deep breath before standing up himself. He was a little more awake now, feeling like he was about to go into cardiac arrest. On instinct, he checked his pocket for his phone, but he hadn’t used it since Cyrus texted him that he was on his way.

TJ stood up, following behind Cyrus who was already going up the stairs. They both went into TJ’s room, Cyrus going through his bag. “Where can I change and brush my teeth?” Cyrus asked him, not looking at him. TJ felt like something was off with Cyrus, and it was making him nervous.

“The door right across from here,” TJ pointed at the open door. Cyrus simply nodded and walked out, TJ watching him go with a frown on his face. Did he say something? Or was Cyrus as confused as he was?

Couches seemed to be cursed places for them.

TJ walked over to his bed where he found his phone. He had a couple of texts from his friends on a group chat he thought he muted and two messages from Amber.

Amber: [img]

Amber: Tell him you like him tonight, TJ! Listen to the kiddies from the gym. Kids aren’t liars.

TJ looked at the photo that Amber had sent. It was them sleeping on the couch. She must’ve sneaked down to eat and caught them like that. TJ placed the phone on his bedside drawer, not wanting to think about it too much. The idea of telling Cyrus he liked him made him nervous. They hadn’t even been made up for over 24 hours.

But he couldn’t deny that he hadn’t felt so many feelings for him at once.

When he announced to the kids at the gym that he was leaving, they all immediately asked him if that meant they wouldn’t see his boyfriend, Cyrus, anymore. TJ had never been so embarrassed as he told the little kids that that wasn’t his boyfriend.

“But you guys went on a date once,” a little boy named Elias said, his mouth in the shape of an o.

“Yeah, I thought you liked him, TJ,” one of the older girls named Leandra chimed in.

“Or is he your secret crush?” Cathy giggled, causing all the other kids to let out ooo’s and awww’s.

“No, no,” TJ shook his head furiously, “it’s not like that.”

“You should tell him,” Cathy shouted.

“Tell him what?” TJ raised a brow. His now exboss was now chuckling in the corner, taking in the scene.

“That you like him, duh!” Cathy shouted like it was the most obvious thing in the world. TJ stood there as all the kids agreed with her, looking at him with hopeful eyes.

“Maybe I will,” TJ shrugged, causing all of the kids to roar with cheers.

TJ was at the edge, and he didn’t know how much longer he could hold on for. He looked over at the air mattress, upset that he still had to set it up. He decided to do it after he brushed his teeth.

He sat at the end of his bed, wondering if Cyrus was fed up with him. He wanted to know what he was thinking. Did he like him, too? Did he want to kiss him, too? He wanted to ask him all the questions that had been burning inside of him, and it ached knowing that it came with the risk of losing him.  

TJ looked down at his sweaty palms, wondering if that night was even a good moment to tell him.

Cyrus walked in sluggishly, his shoulders drooping down. He sat down next to TJ, shoulder touching shoulder.

“Are you upset about something?” TJ asked him, sitting still.

“I think I am, but it’s something stupid. Don’t worry about it,” Cyrus muttered. “I just needed to rinse off my face with cold water.” Without thinking, TJ reached over and grabbed Cyrus’ hand, interlocking their fingers. “TJ,” Cyrus sighed. “We’re friends, right?”

“Duh,” TJ said, laying back on the bed, his legs hanging off.

Cyrus mimicked him before whispering an, “Okay.” TJ licked his lips, silence starting to fill the room.

“Friends don’t,” TJ sighed, looking up at the ceiling as he tried to find the right words, “they don’t really do this stuff, do they?” TJ raised their hands up in the air slightly before gently setting them back down in between them.

“Not really,” Cyrus replied quickly.

“We’re a little different, then,” TJ said before whispering, “just a little.”

“Just a little bit,” Cyrus’ voice was trailing off.

Then, TJ broke.

He couldn’t do it anymore.

Not wanting to hold himself back anymore, he pulled his hand away from Cyrus and started furiously rubbing his face, letting out a barely audible, “We have to talk about this, Cyrus.” As soon as those words came out, he knew there was no going back.

“Let’s talk then,” Cyrus said plainly, sitting up on the end of the bed. TJ moved his hands from his face, but he didn’t want to sit up. He couldn’t look Cyrus in the eye right now- not when he felt so vulnerable. “Why did you really not want to see me when I came the day of the party?”

“Honestly, Cyrus,” TJ sighed. “I didn’t want you to see what a mess my life was that day. That’s it. If we’re talking about what happened on the couch… I couldn’t think about that at the moment, okay? I promise that’s it.”

“What happened on the couch? Because I still don’t know what to tell myself.”

“I don’t know what to tell myself either, Cyrus.”

“TJ,” Cyrus groaned, “what is our conversation even about?”

“Things we’re both clearly too afraid to talk about,” TJ sighed, rubbing his eyes. It’d help if he didn’t feel like he was going pass out every other minute.

“You’re not going to lose me if you’re scared of that.”

“That’s exactly what I’m scared of.”

“Well,” Cyrus laid back down next to him, “I’m here to stay.” TJ turned his head and smiled at Cyrus who was looking at the ceiling.

“Cyrus,” TJ clenched his hands into fists, searching for the courage to say the words. “Look,” he took a deep breath, “I’m going to say this as quickly as possible to get this over with so we can go to sleep and pretend this never happened.” TJ relaxed his hands, neatly folding them on his stomach, “I like you. Like you, like you.  A lot.” TJ felt one weight being lifted off his shoulder as the weight of the world fell upon him. Cyrus didn’t say anything, each second going by slower than the last. “Please say something, Cyrus,” TJ pleaded, his eyes started to hurt.

“I like you, too, TJ,” Cyrus finally said, a little chuckle slipping out at the end. TJ’s eyes were wide open now. “I just didn’t think you’d like guys, too. You’re Mr. Heterosexual of Shadyside, honestly.”

TJ let out a snort, “That’s the worst thing anyone has called me. Being in basketball came with one curse.”

“How long have you known?”

“I’ve known for a long time. Only Amber and… I guess you, know.”

“The gays really do group together,” Cyrus joked, reaching over to grab TJ’s hand. TJ ended up pulling his hand towards his cheek, leaving it there. His lips were pressed slightly on Cyrus’ thumb.

“Is this real or another dream of you?” TJ mumbled as he started to process the entire situation. Was this really happened? Finally?

“Do you dream of me?” Cyrus asked, smiling through the question.

“Mostly daydream,” TJ found himself admitting. TJ turned his head to look at the brunet and smiled, “You’re really great, Cyrus. I hope you know that.”

There was a comfortable pause before Cyrus asked, “So what now? I don’t usually take initiatives.”

“I don’t know,” TJ laughed, “I didn’t ever think I’d get this far.”

“Well, really, the only option was for me to jump out your window and run home.”

“Would you do that?”

“Only if it wasn’t you.”

“So,” TJ smiled, “you like me?”

“Don’t make me repeat it, TJ,” Cyrus pressed his hand momentarily into TJ’s face.

“I feel like I didn’t appreciate it enough the first time,” TJ merrily laughed.

“You’re just messing with me now,” Cyrus rolled his eyes. “But,” he bit his lips, “I like you, so I’ll say it again. I like you a lot, TJ Kippen.”

“I like you, too, Cyrus Goodman,” TJ cheekily grinned. Not knowing what else to say, he asked him, “Can I take you out tomorrow?”

“On a date or in a fist fight?” Cyrus asked before quickly adding in a, “Sorry. I make jokes when my heart is beating so fast I can’t feel it.”

“Don’t worry,” TJ said, “I like it. I like you.”

“I know.”

At last my love has come along

My lonely days are over and life is like a song

At last the skies above are blue

My heart was wrapped up clover the night I looked at you

I found a dream that I could speak to

A dream that I can call my own

I found a thrill to press my cheek to

A thrill I've never known, oh yeah

You smiled, you smiled oh and then the spell was cast

And here we are in Heaven

For you are mine at last

Chapter Text

TJ woke up on the air mattress, a thick blanket covering him up to his neck. He tried to reach up rub his eyes and before realizing his arm was asleep. He tried pulling on it, but it didn’t move. He looked down and realized Cyrus was laying down next to him, his arm stuck under him. The blanket was up to Cyrus’ nose, and he was sleeping peacefully. TJ’s arm was starting to hurt, but he didn’t bother trying to move it again. He would just wait for Cyrus to wake up.

Cyrus refused to take the bed last night and slipped onto the mattress with TJ. It was only a twin size, so they were a little cramped. TJ didn’t mind though. He fell asleep with Cyrus running his fingers through his hair, smiling to himself.

It still didn’t feel real. He felt like he was daydreaming, but whenever Cyrus would let out a small laugh or smile so that his cheeks would crinkle, his accelerated heartbeat would pull him to reality. It was real. There was a boy that liked him, his name was Cyrus Goodman, and he was going to go on a date with him soon.

They agreed to talk over everything during breakfast as they were already falling asleep the night before. TJ was really tempted to kiss him but besides not being brave enough, he doubted he’d be able to sleep if he kissed him. He had never kissed anyone.

“Hey,” he heard Cyrus whisper, immediately catching his attention. “Good morning,” Cyrus mumbled, sitting up to rub his eyes. TJ felt the blood rush to his arm, the tinging sensation matching the one he felt on his nose where he felt himself blush. Cyrus was goddamn cute.

“Good morning,” TJ pull his arm away, starting to rub his eyes.

Cyrus sharply turned to look down at TJ, “You remember what I remember, right?”

“I only remember someone telling me they have a huge crush on me,” TJ smirked, causing Cyrus to smile.

“Interesting, I seem to remember the same thing.”

“You’re not taking it back, are you?”

“Never.”

-

TJ and Cyrus walked into The Spoon, a grinning Amber immediately going over to them, “Good morning, boys,” she smiled.

“Hey, Amber,” Cyrus waved his fingers. “You seem happy.”

“It’s a good day, don’t you think?” Amber cheerily told them. “Sit down, and I’ll take your guy’s order.” TJ and Cyrus just shrugged before sitting down in a booth in the corner. It was still fairly early, but all the breakfast buzz in the diner had died down. Cyrus wanted to go there at that time because he knew that neither Buffy nor Andi would be there at that time. He wasn’t ready to tell them anything yet. He was sure they wouldn’t notice either way.

While Amber was writing down their order, Cyrus started wondering if TJ had told her anything. It seemed impossible though because she had left for The Spoon before they even woke up. She just seemed too upbeat.

When she walked away, Cyrus asked him in a low voice, “Does Amber know?” TJ quickly shook his head.

“I didn’t tell her anything,” TJ lowered his voice. “Maybe she walked into the room before work?” Cyrus followed Amber around with his eyes, wondering what was up. “She does know some things, though.”

“Like?”

“That I like you,” TJ shrugged, the words rolling off his tongue casually. Cyrus looked at him, unable to hold back a smile.

“Interesting,” Cyrus said, resting his head on his hand to look directly at TJ who was doing the same thing. Cyrus and TJ stared at each other, their eyes landing on random spots on their faces every once in a while. Amber later came in and set their drinks between them, a knowing smile catching their attention. When she walked away, Cyrus looked at TJ and said, “She knows something.”

“Definitely,” TJ nodded.

“So you told her about… me?” Cyrus struggled to put the idea through his mind. He felt like he was going to wake up every once in a while, but whenever TJ smiled at him or stuck out his tongue, he was pulled back. He felt his feet on the ground and his hands in his hoodie. He saw TJ’s half-done hair and heard the chuckles from under his breath. He was there, and he was living through one of his daydreams.

“She’s always known something was up if I’m being honest,” TJ snickered. “From the moment we fell asleep on the couch.”

“Since then?”

“She’s known since then. I had a weird feeling about you before then, though.”

“Weird?”

“In a good way, don’t worry,” TJ reassured him.

“So,” Cyrus raised an eyebrow, “you’ve liked me for a while?”

TJ looked down at his hands on the table, his red blush prominent on his nose, “Yeah.” Cyrus stared at the other boy across from him in awe. He smiled to himself as he drank from his soda, not taking his eyes off the blushing TJ. “How long have you liked me?”

“I knew I did the day of Andi’s party,” Cyrus answered him,” you know, on the couch. Where-,” Cyrus stopped himself, immediately going back to drink his soda.

“Where we almost kissed,” TJ softly said, finishing off his sentence.

“Yeah,” Cyrus swallowed. “I tried to convince myself that wasn’t what was happening for a while to be honest. When I like someone, I overthink every little thing that they do, but that wasn’t something little.”

“You were the one that initiated most of it, actually. I was the one that was boiling on the inside,” TJ smirked.

“Were you really?” Cyrus cheekily smiled. He had done a lot of the things on purpose. Not to get a reaction out of TJ but because he realized how badly he wanted to be close to him. If TJ wasn’t going to push him away, he wasn’t going to pull away.

“Yeah,” TJ let out a small laugh.  “But,” he sighed, resting his hand on his cheek again, “Amber brought it up the entire time we were fighting.”

“You tell Amber everything, don’t you?” Cyrus asked him. He admired their bond even more now. It made him feel better that at least TJ had someone to tell things to.

“Yeah,” TJ pouted his lower lip, “I guess I do.”

“That’s nice. All I had to tell about you was my journal,” Cyrus mentioned. “Not a very good conversationalist may I add.”

TJ’s face lit up with a smile as he put his hand back down, “You write about me in your journal?”

“You don’t think that’s lame, do you?” Cyrus frowned as TJ quickly shook his head.

“I think it’s kind of cute,” he grinned.

“Thank goodness,” Cyrus nervously laughed. “I didn’t want you to think I was weird or something.”

“You’ve never been,” TJ told him before looking around the diner. “Amber is probably chilling in the back right now. Why did we come during her shift, again?”

“Because we’re here to support your sister,” Cyrus told him. “Also, Buffy and Andi consider this time ungodly.”

“Is that why you wanted to come here?” TJ turned back to him. “You haven’t told them anything?”

“Specify anything.”

“Anything about everything,” TJ shrugged.

“Nope,” Cyrus shook his head. “Buffy was already overreacting with that one photo Amber took, and Andi is hard to talk to sometimes. She has a one-track mind.”

“So, they didn’t even know we were fighting?”

“Nope. You’re lucky Buffy and Marty are seeing each other right now. If not, she would’ve noticed something was wrong with me.”

“I was honestly waiting for her to stab me. I thought she was going to end my life when she cornered me to get me to help with her basketball team.”

“Huh,” Cyrus realized, “we never went back to her practice. She didn’t text me to ask anything.”

“She was the one that convinced me to go talk to you.”

Cyrus raised an eyebrow, “Really?”

“Yeah,” TJ sighed, scratching the back of his head. “I was being stubborn. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. We’re past that,” Cyrus told him. “Even if it happened like, yesterday.”

“Too much has happened so fast, honestly. I feel like something is always going on,” TJ mumbled. “I don’t mind, though.” TJ started staring off as Cyrus stopped to admire him. He loved his eyes.

“So, you’re starting basketball soon?”

“Yeah. We’ll probably practice with the girls, too.”

“I will be at both of your guy’s games, obnoxiously cheering.”

TJ smiled, “Can’t wait. You and Amber can run a cheer section.”

“I heard my name,” Amber walked up to place their food on the table. “What’s up?”

“We were just talking about basketball season. You better go to more games this year,” TJ looked up at her.

“I’ll try,” Amber shrugged. She had a thin smile on her lips that did not go unnoticed by Cyrus.

“You have to,” Cyrus joined in. “I need someone to help me hold up posters.”

“Are they going to have vampire puns?” Amber tilted her head, smiling at Cyrus.

“Are you admitting you guys are vampires?” Cyrus leaned forward, raising his eyebrows continuously.

“Maybe some other day,” Amber laughed. “But TJ literally lays down in the sun. I think that’s all the evidence you need to see that’s we’re just pale kids with goth parents.”

“Valid point. I will put it up for debate for later,” Cyrus told her, reaching over to get a baby tator from his plate. His hand froze in place when he realized the baby tators were bunched together in a shape of a heart. He quickly darted his eyes over to TJ’s plate where it was in the same shape, then to Amber who was smirking.

“Amber, really?” TJ groaned, rubbing his face with his hands. Cyrus knew his face was beat red.

“I walked in before work,” she laughed, giving them both cheeky grins. “I couldn’t help myself. I’ll catch you boys, later, okay?” As Amber walked away, TJ peeked through his fingers, watching her walk away.

“She’s so embarrassing,” he said into his hands, the words being a little muted.

“Well she knows,” was all Cyrus said, reaching over to get a bite out of his sandwich.

TJ moved his hands back down and looked down at his food, “What exactly does she know, Cyrus?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like,” TJ rested his head on his hand as he searched for the words, “what are we?” Cyrus paused. That had slipped through his head.

“I know as much as you do,” Cyrus shrugged, nervously putting down his sandwich. TJ stared at him for a few seconds as Cyrus tried to find anywhere to look that didn’t involve TJ.

“Would you rather talk about that somewhere else?” TJ finally asked. Cyrus simply nodded, looking at TJ once again. His heart had never beat so fast.

-

If you've never been in love

And you're longing for the happiness it brings

Try your wings

After breakfast, TJ and Cyrus found themselves at the familiar swing set. The held hands as they sat down, neither of them swinging. TJ’s chest and face felt warm because he knew what conversation was coming up. He wasn’t sure how he was able to keep his breakfast down. Cyrus had turned him into a blushing mess.

“So,” Cyrus started off the conversation. “What are we?”

“Jumping right at it, aren’t you?” TJ smiled to himself, squeezing Cyrus’ hand gently.

“Come on, you know the question has been killing you, too,” Cyrus tugged on his hand.

“It’s been killing me, but I’m not exactly dying to answer it, either,” TJ looked over at Cyrus who had been staring at him.

He gave him a crooked smile, “You know what words, though, right?”

“Maybe,” TJ curled his lips into a tight smile.

“You look like this one cat on the internet when you do that face,” Cyrus pointed out, confusing TJ. “It’s a cute cat. I’ll show it to you later.”

“Is comparing me to cute cats your subtle way of telling me you think I’m cute?”

“Maybe,” Cyrus happily shrugged. “But the first time was an accident. It slipped out.”

“You still thought I was cute, though, right?” TJ smirked.

Cyrus rolled his eyes playfully, “Does your ego really need to be fed right now?”

“Just a little.”

“Then, yes. I’ve always thought you were attractive.”

 “Well, I’ve always thought you were cute, too. Just putting that out there,” TJ fake coughed at the end, trying to cover up his shaky voice. There was a moment of silence, making TJ shift uncomfortably in the swing.

If you're hungry for the sound

Of a lover saying sentimental things

Try your wings

“This type of conversation was easier last night when we were both on the verge of passing out,” Cyrus told him, breaking the silence. The park was empty besides them. The occasional bird flew by and they heard the occasional car, but all TJ wanted to notice was Cyrus and the hand he was holding.

“Definitely,” TJ nodded, bringing up his fingernails to his teeth.

“Are you going to say it?”

“You’re usually the braver one out of the two,” TJ said, starting to chip away at his nail.

“No, I’m not,” Cyrus scoffed.

“You totally are,” TJ told him. “So, I’ll just wait for you to say it.”

“Say what, TJ?”

“What… we are.”

Cyrus held his hand a little bit tighter, “What if I’m wrong?”

“You won’t be.”

“So you know?”

“Maybe.”

“Then you say it.”

“I want you to say it.”

“TJ,” Cyrus ended up laughing, “I don’t want to say it or ask it.”

Even the tiniest bluebird

Has to leave its nest to fly

What a bluebird can do

You can do too, if you try

“This conversation is longer than what I thought it’d be,” TJ said, a fingernail placed perfectly in between his teeth before he bit down on it. He heard it snap as Cyrus looked at him silently.

“I’m too nervous to end it,” Cyrus told him. “I think it’s because I know what’s coming after we say what we are.”

Hiding. Coming out. Telling people. Getting weird looks. Possible homophobia.

TJ removed his hand from his mouth and licked his lips, looking down at the sand. He didn’t know what Cyrus was thinking, and he was probably as scared as he was. The jittery happy feelings suddenly flushed away because he was finally being forced to think about it that way.

“We’re going to be okay, though,” Cyrus said, rubbing his TJ’s hand with his thumb.

“Yeah,” TJ looked up to give him a small smile, “we are.”

Things were going to be fine. He just had to trust Cyrus, himself, and the people around him.

Him and Cyrus were going to be fine.

“So,” Cyrus grinned. “Go ahead and say it.”

“If I have to,” TJ smiled, his heart pounding in his ears as he heard himself say, “Cyrus, will you be my boyfriend?”

“Only if you agree to be mine.”

“Deal.”

If you’ve always had a dream

But you’ve been afraid that it would not come true

Hitherto

Fall in love and you will find

That it’s just what you’ve been dreaming of

-

TJ and Cyrus were a lot better at keeping their relationship than Cyrus thought they would be. They were going to tell people eventually. They just weren’t ready.

Cyrus split his time between the GHC and TJ evenly, so they wouldn’t get suspicious. Marty and Buffy were still only talking, but Marty didn’t look like he was going to let her go this time. This meant she had Marty around to help with the girl’s team so often, Cyrus ended up just sitting there for moral support.

He started sitting in the back of the room for TJ’s tutoring sessions, and afterwards, he’d walk him to basketball practice before going to the school library. He wouldn’t watch the boy’s practice, but he’d usually wait by TJ’s locker with a cold water bottle and a fruit. After that, they’d walk hand and hand to random places to hang out.

Most of the time, they were at TJ’s house because Cyrus liked going through his old vinyl’s and CD’s as TJ took random photos of him. Sometimes on his polaroid but mostly on his phone. They’d go downstairs and watch a movie sometimes and cuddle on the couch until Cyrus had to go home.

Three weeks went by and only Amber knew, but Cyrus was starting get eaten up by guilt every time his parents mentioned how much closer he had gotten to TJ. He didn’t know if they suspected anything at all because they’ve mastered conversation parents give you to trigger even more important conversations. He hadn’t told TJ, but it was working, and he really wanted to tell them soon.

On the Friday afternoon that they completed three weeks, Cyrus and TJ walked to TJ’s house, hand in hand. Cyrus was pretty sure some kids from school they’d walk by saw them, but nobody had asked him or TJ anything. He wasn’t sure if people just finding out on their own was easier than getting told. He knew that wasn’t going to be the same for their parents, though.

“Hey, TJ,” Cyrus nervously said as they walked through TJ’s street. “I need to tell you something.”

“What’s wrong?” TJ asked him, pulling Cyrus hand into his jacket pocket.

“I,” Cyrus started off slowly, “I want to tell my parents.” TJ’s hand immediately squeezed Cyrus’, and he stayed silent for a small moment.

A few steps before they reached the Kippen house gate (now repaired), TJ said, “Okay, let’s do it.”

“Really?” Cyrus asked him, a little surprised. “Just like that?”

“It was going to happen eventually,” TJ said, opening the gate with his free hand. “If you’re ready to tell people now, let’s do it.”

“Are you ready, though?”

“Yeah,” TJ nodded. “I am.”

Cyrus frowned in realization, “Have I been holding us back?”

“No, no,” TJ shook his head, looking him in the eye, “It was literally like two days ago when I told Amber that I wanted to tell my parents. I don’t know how they’re going to react, though.”

“I honestly don’t know, either,” Cyrus admitted as they walked up to TJ’s front door. TJ unlocked it, and he walked in first, quickly stopping. Cyrus crashed into his back and lost his balance for a quick second before he reached over to clutch the back if TJ’s sweater.

“Hey, ma,” TJ greeted her before turning his head to look at Cyrus. “You good, Underdog?”

“Yeah,” Cyrus said, letting go of TJ. Cyrus felt a little awkward being in the same room as TJ’s mom just because of the topic they were talking about. “Hey, Mrs. Kippen,” Cyrus waved his hand as he stepped out from behind TJ.

“Hello, Cyrus,” she smiled. “What are you boys up to today?”

“We’re just going to hang out in my room,” TJ told her, looking around the house. He eyed a black leather backpack on the floor. “Are you and dad going somewhere?”

“Another band is playing nearby,” she grinned, looking at her phone. “Your father told work he had an emergency, so he’s coming home early, too. He should be getting here in an hour or so.”

TJ chuckled at his parent’s antics, “What did you tell work?”

“My boss is going to the same concert, so he didn’t care,” Pearl laughed. “I came home earlier than what I needed to, though. I’m exhausted. I was chasing Macaroni around all morning.”

Cyrus noted that TJ got his smile from her. She still looked fairly young, and her long brown hair was pulled in a loose side ponytail. Most of her was covered by the back of the couch, but Cyrus could see she had an old loose T-shirt on. His parents and TJ’s parents were two completely different sets of people.

“Macaroni is Satan,” TJ simply commented. “Let’s go, Cy.”

“You want me to fix you boys something up to eat?” she asked as they headed towards the staircase.

“No, we’re good,” TJ waved his hand at her as he rushed up the stairs. Cyrus missed a step and had to hold on to the railing.

“Too, bad,” she yelled out. “I baked a cake, and I’m ordering pizza.”

“Thank you!” TJ yelled back as they disappeared into the second floor. Cyrus noted that Amber’s unicorn stickers that were on her door were gone. She had this sign that spelled out her name made out of bottle caps.

“Did Andi make Amber that sign?” Cyrus asked TJ as they headed to the end of the hall.

“Yeah,” TJ nodded his head, opening his door. “She loves it. Andi came over yesterday.”

“Really?” Cyrus asked as he walked into TJ’s room. He set his bag down in the usual place as TJ went over to his desk to play music.

“Yeah, it was kind of awkward,” TJ said. “I feel weird that they don’t know yet, to be honest.”

“Just a little longer for them, I promise,” Cyrus said, opening one of TJ’s drawers. It was a bunch of random papers Cyrus had wanted to go through before, but he didn’t get the chance. “Can I go through this draw?”

“I don’t know why you ask,” TJ chuckled. “You’re going to do it anyways.”

“Only with consent,” Cyrus said, already pulling out a stack of old work. He grabbed the one from the top and realized it was TJ’s reflection essay for The Giver. He turned the title page, his mouth falling open, “You’re the person who got a perfect score on the essay?”

“Yeah,” TJ nervously said, scratching the back of his head. They had gotten their essay grades the week they had fought, so Cyrus understood why he never told him.

“TJ, that’s incredible,” Cyrus smiled. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you,” TJ smiled, a blush spreading across his face. Cyrus recognized that TJ’s C.C.C.M. playlist was playing as Try Your Wings by Blossom Dearie began filling the room. TJ leaned all the way back in his chair and swiveled so that he could stare at Cyrus as he went through his old school work. Cyrus noticed he papers where he laid out playlist songs, Cyrus recognized most of them. He switched through the papers and stopped at one that called his attention.

“Chocolate Chocolate Chip Muffin?” Cyrus showed the paper to TJ. TJ’s eyes fell wide open as Cyrus turned the paper back to himself and began to read it. He recognized a lot of the songs already. They were all love songs.

“Yeah,” TJ fake coughed, “it’s the playlist I made for you.”

Cyrus immediately grinned, “What? When?”

“A while ago,” TJ admitted sheepishly. He seemed embarrassed, only making Cyrus smile wider.

“Can I hear it?” Cyrus asked him before scanning the paper one more time. “Wait,” he paused.

“You’re listening to it,” TJ smiled.

“C.C.C.M doesn’t stand for crazy cool cat music, then?”

“Never did. It’s always been for you,” TJ said before standing up. As Cyrus went through the messy handwriting, TJ went over to lay down on his bed. “I was hoping you’d figure it out by yourself. I didn’t know how to tell you it was for you.”

“TJ Kippen, I’m so flattered,” Cyrus told him, putting his hand over his heart.

“Yeah,” TJ started explaining, “that’s what I did at three in the morning one time. I kept having dreams of you and my GG, so I always thought of old love songs when I thought of you. He always said that one day I’d have someone special that these songs would remind me of. I guess it’s you.” Cyrus sat there, silently, his eyes unable to leave the paper he was clutching in his hand. His heart was accelerating, and he was sure he had never felt this way about anyone before. He loved the feeling of being with TJ. He was sure that that was how it felt when birds spread their wings for the first time and flew.

Cyrus put the papers back before going over to TJ’s bed where the taller boy scooted over. Cyrus laid down next to TJ who immediately pulled him in closer, wrapping both arms around him.

“Hey,” TJ mumbled into Cyrus’ hair.

“Hello,” Cyrus smiled, sneaking his hand over to scratch TJ’s back. The first time he did that last week, TJ jokingly accused him of treating him like a cat. But when Cyrus stopped, TJ asked him to continue, making Cyrus roll his eyes before tracing random patterns on his back again.

They hadn’t kissed yet (unless you count sharing Cyrus’ Burt’s Bees Vanilla Bean lip balm). They hadn’t even gotten close to kissing yet which honestly surprised Cyrus, but he didn’t push it. Cuddling and long conversations were his favorite thing. He was a little nervous about it, considering kissing Iris was a complete disaster. Part of him said that it was because he didn’t like kissing girls. The other part of him just said that he was a bad kisser and as soon as TJ kissed him, he’d leave him.

"What are you thinking right now?" TJ asked as Cyrus drew an imaginary heart with his finger on TJ’s back.

"What are you thinking?" Cyrus attempted to switch it on him. He couldn’t possibly give him the truth.

"I asked you first," TJ let out a soft laugh that melted in Cyrus’ ears.

"I won't answer unless you do."

"Well,” TJ said, “I’m thinking that we're pretty close right now."

"Yeah,” Cyrus whispered, “we are."

"What are you thinking?"

Cyrus thought for a moment before telling him, "I'm scared."

"Scared? Why are you scared?"

"I don't know,” Cyrus admitted. He didn’t know why kissing TJ seemed like the biggest deal in the world to him. It was only a kiss.

Then again, it was going to be with TJ- his boyfriend.

"You don't know?" he chuckled, pulling him in closer. "Well I'm scared, too."

"Are you now?" Cyrus smiled into TJ’s chest.

"Yeah, I am,” TJ said. The boys stayed silent for a moment, Cyrus writing random words on TJ’s back to see if he’d notice. "Did you want to kiss?" TJ suddenly asked, not missing a single word. Cyrus breath hitched for a moment.

"Are we going to regret it?" Cyrus felt stupid for asking that question as soon as it fell out of his mout.

"I don't think so,” TJ nonchalantly said. “It's up to you."

"That's way too much pressure on me," Cyrus stopped scratching his back and slightly pulled away so he could look at TJ. TJ tilted his head to look down at him and gave him a smile before slowly moving to press his thumb on Cyrus’ mole. It was at that moment that Cyrus’ screw it instincts kicked in, and he propped himself up on his elbow, allowing himself to lean down and kiss TJ.

It was better than he thought it’d be. He could feel his face heating up, his heart bruising his ribcage. This time, he was happy about it. He was comfortable with who was kissing. He was kissing a boy that he liked who liked him back.

His lips were against TJ for a few seconds before he pulled away, TJ’s hand never leaving his cheek.

“That was my first kiss,” TJ told him, his cheeks and nose the shade of a pink rose.

Cyrus grinned as TJ’s thumb stroked his face gently, “Really?”

“I’m down for a second,” TJ smiled, this time sitting up to kiss Cyrus. Cyrus could faintly taste the Vanilla Bean on his lips, softly moving along with his as TJ’s playlist played faintly in the background.

A first love never comes twice

So take this tender advice

When it comes, try your wings

And fly to the one you love

Chapter Text

Do I want you?

Oh my! Do I!

Honey, deed I do!

TJ held Cyrus’ face between his hands for a moment, pressing his forehead against him, smiling. Cyrus could feel the heat come off TJ’s cheeks, both of them blushing because of what just happened. It had been five minutes of nonstop kissing, and Cyrus was wondering why it had taken them so long.

There was a knock-on TJ’s door, causing TJ and Cyrus to pull apart immediately. TJ jumped off his bed and practically ran to the door, leaving a disheveled Cyrus to sit alone on the bed, trying to process what had just happened. TJ peaked his head out of the door, not opening it all the way.

We kissed. I kissed my boyfriend.

Do I need you?

Oh my! Do I!

Honey, deed I do!

“Hey, Teej,” Cyrus head Viktor say, “what are you boys up to?”

“Uhm,” TJ licked his lips, “we’re just listening to music.” There was a pause, as if Viktor were listening.

I'm glad that I'm the one who found you,

That's why I'm always hangin' around you

“You’re having Cyrus listen to this boring crap?” Viktor laughed. Cyrus noticed that TJ clenched his fist behind his back, the other gripping the door frame above his head. “He must be a really good friend if he sits through this.”

“Yeah,” TJ nervously looked around the room, “he is.”

“Okay, well,” Viktor said, “I heard your mom is ordering you guys pizza. I left money on the counter for you to pay, okay? Keep the change.”

“Thanks,” TJ told him. Cyrus heard Viktor walk away before TJ shut the door, locking it this time. TJ leaned against the door and took a deep breath. “Holy shit,” TJ murmured, placing his hand on his heart. “He usually doesn’t knock.”

“Was the door open?” Cyrus asked him, wondering if Viktor had seen them already.

“No,” TJ shook his head, “it was closed. He didn’t see us.”

“That would’ve been bad,” Cyrus said.

“Yeah,” TJ mumbled, “no shit.” TJ’s eyes widened and quickly said, “Sorry. I’m nervous right now. I just,” TJ ran his hands through his hair, “if he would’ve seen…”

“You’re fine,” Cyrus shook his head, looking over at the computer that was still playing C.C.C.M. “I’m assuming you’re nervous about telling your parents.”

TJ stayed silent for a moment before admitting, “Yeah, I really am.” TJ slid down the door slowly, sitting down with his legs crossed. “I don’t know how they’re going to react. I wish I knew. It’d be so much easier if I knew, Cyrus.” He was looking at Cyrus with anxious eyes, and Cyrus didn’t know what to do with him, looking so helpless. Cyrus quickly realized they were both on the same boat.

“We don’t have to do it anytime soon,” Cyrus stood up and walked over to him, sitting right next to him. He looked over at TJ’s hands that were fumbling each other, tearing anxiously at his cuticles. “Please don’t hurt yourself,” Cyrus reached over to grab TJ’s hands before he could keep pulling at his skin. TJ’s hand was stiff in Cyrus’ as he softly told him, “Hey, we don’t have to tell your parents soon, okay? We don’t even have to tell mine if you’re not ready.”

“I thought,” TJ took in a deep breath, “I thought I was ready. I told you I was ready.”

“But this made you realize that you’re not, and that’s okay,” Cyrus told him. “We can wait. There’s no problem with that. If I’m being honest, I’m terrified.” TJ’s hand relaxed in Cyrus’ before he turned to press a kiss on his temple.

“Thank you,” TJ whispered into his skin. The boys stayed still for a moment, calming down from TJ’s quickly spurred panic. “Can I tell you something?” TJ asked him pulling away his lips.

“What?” Cyrus turned to look at him.

“Remember that time I asked you to see your hand?”

“And I asked you why, and you wouldn’t tell me?”

“Yeah,” TJ chuckled, pressing Cyrus’ hand in between both of his, “I wanted to see if your hands were small.”

“No way,” Cyrus laughed. “My hands aren’t small.”

“I mean, I know that now,” TJ smiled. “I just kept having dreams where I’d almost hold your hand, so I kept thinking about it. It was weird. Since you’re a lot shorter than me, I thought your hands would be small, too.”

Cyrus, scoffed, a blush prominent on his cheeks, “I’m not that shorter than you.”

“Uh huh,” TJ teased him, reaching over to put his arm around him. “You’re a shortcake.”

Cyrus snuggled into TJ’s shoulder, “Well, you’re lemon pie.”

“Why’s that?”

“You’re bittersweet.”

TJ let out a small laugh, “When have I been bitter?”

“Quite a couple of times. Mostly before we were together.”

“Is it too late to apologize for that?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Cyrus reassured him, placing his chin on his shoulder. He studied the tiniest details on TJ’s face, and he had them all memorized like the answers to a quiz. “I like you for being the way you are.”

“Bitter?”

“Sweet,” Cyrus said before pressing a kiss on his boyfriend’s cheek.

 -

Amber and Cyrus were TJ’s source of constant reassurance that things would be fine. The Monday night after Viktor almost caught them kissing, Amber tried convincing TJ to start of with Cyrus’ parents.

“What if they hate me?” TJ asked her as they laid down on his bed. There were new polaroid pictures of him and Cyrus on his ceilings. They were innocent poses. The one Cyrus had taken to put in his journal had been one where they kissed. TJ took a picture of it on his phone, and he was tempted to keep it as his lock screen. A simple screenshot from a Snapchat photo Cyrus sent would be enough until people knew.

“His mom is the sweetest person ever, TJ,” Amber told him. “She’ll love you. I really don’t think Cyrus’ parents will care if he’s gay.”

“I think they’ll care that he’s had a secret boyfriend for almost a month whose house he’s slept over at,” TJ said, biting at his nails. Amber reached over to grab his hand; something Cyrus had asked her to do. Ever since him and Cyrus started dating, TJ couldn’t help but me more worried about a lot of things.

His biggest worry was that he was scared of hurting Cyrus or Cyrus getting hurt for that matter. Cyrus wasn’t frail or malleable anymore like he seemed when they met for the first time, but TJ still watched every single detail of anything that could affect him. He cared about Cyrus so much, and he didn’t want to risk doing anything dumb to lose him.

“Sneak in one more sleepover before you tell them,” Amber chuckled, annoying TJ. “Because once they know, no more snuggling on the air mattress.”

“Shut up, Amber,” TJ rolled his eyes, retracting his hand from Amber’s grasp. “You’re the one that sleeps over at Andi’s every weekend.”

“Hey,” Amber raised her voice, making it slightly crack, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know Amber,” TJ raised an eyebrow, “what does that mean?”

“Nothing, TJ,” Amber huffed, this time the one to roll her eyes. “Not everyone is gay.”

“In a perfect world,” TJ smiled at her, causing Amber to stick out her tongue at him.

“Tell his parents,” Amber brought them back to their initial argument. TJ rubbed his face, glancing at some photos on his ceiling. He wanted more photos of Cyrus.

“What if they want to talk to our parents?”

“I don’t think they will if you tell them you’re not out yet,” Amber told him.

“I feel,” TJ paused, his fingers combing through his own hair, “weak.”

“You’re not weak, Teej,” Amber tried to assure him. “You’re being too hard on yourself.”

TJ bit his lip before saying, “Why do I have to do this stupid coming out shit?”

“I mean, you can just walk through the halls with Cyrus holding hands and let people figure it out.”

“Those people don’t matter, though. Our parents do. Cyrus has two sets of parents, Amber. We’re going to have to come out three times! Three!” TJ groaned, pressing his head harder into his pillow. “I almost died when dad knocked on the door,” TJ’s voice started to falter. “I thought I was ready to tell them up until that point. The idea of doing it so much easier than actually going through with it.”

“Hey,” Amber turned her head to look at him, “you’re going to be alright. You both are. I won’t let anything happen to you guys, okay?”

“What if they never let me see Cyrus again?” TJ looked at her and frowned. The idea of being forced to break up scared him the most.

“That won’t happen.”

“You don’t know that.”

“You don’t either,” Amber rebutted. “Stop being so negative, TJ. Cyrus is probably also scared shitless, but he’s too worried about you being ready to worry about his own feelings.” TJ let the words sink in, melting like butter into his brain.

“You’re right,” TJ finally sighed.

“So?”

“So what?”

“Are you going to tell his parents?”

“…Yes.”

-

TJ was nervous; about to faint, really. He hadn’t eaten, but he felt like the dinner Cyrus had promised him was already booking a ticket for The Way Back Up. Him and Cyrus were supposed to stage a casual hangout, TJ would stay for dinner, and then they would tell Cyrus’ mom and stepdad. Cyrus said they’d worry about his dad and stepmom later, but TJ worried about all three sets of parents every day.

But he knew he had to get it done eventually. The comfort that afterwards they’d be able to tell everyone else and hold hands and hug at school, was getting him through the nerve wrecking process of “coming out.” Him and Cyrus hated the idea of “coming out” culture, but they knew they had to do it. No way in the world they’d be able to just casually tell their parents they had been dating for a while without them going, “Hold up, you’re gay?”

“You ready?” Cyrus asked TJ as they met up after school.

“Yeah,” TJ nodded, reaching over to hold his hand. “Let’s go.”

“Do you think kids will notice if we’re holding hands?” Cyrus asked him as they went through a few crowds of kids. They were either on their phones or walking alongside their friends, chatting up storms, not looking at them.

“After today, I really don’t care, honestly,” TJ said. “What are they going to do? Bully me for being gay? I am the bully.” Cyrus laughed at his boyfriend’s dumb joke, making TJ smile as he walked him through Jefferson Middle School’s front doors.

“Buffy and Andi asked me to hang out today,” Cyrus mentioned as they reached the sidewalk.

“With their boys or?”

“Just us three. It’s been like a week or so since it was just us three. I mean, that lasted like an hour before Marty ‘coincidentally’ showed up. I like him, though. He makes Buffy happy. It balances out her basketball stress.”

“I’m glad that’s working out for her,” TJ told him, sliding Cyrus’ hand into the warmth of his jacket pocket. Amber almost killed him for trying to go out the door in a simple hoodie. She dressed him up like a doll, and he hated it, but he had gotten a ‘you look great’ from Cyrus that made it worth it.

“I think we can tell them in a few days,” Cyrus said. “Andi, Buffy, Marty… Jonah.”

TJ raised a brow, “Why’d you paused on Jonah?”

“No reason,” Cyrus quickly said.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“If you say so,” TJ left it at that. TJ had a lot of questions about Jonah that he never wanted to ask. TJ always felt like Jonah was just placed on this planet, and he just exists to smile at people and say quirky things.

He hasn’t said docious magocious in a while, though.

“So, my mom might be really pushy on snacks so just take anything she gives you,” Cyrus broke the momentarily silence. “Also, if you want soda or water, get water.”

“Why?”

“Trust me,” Cyrus said. “You will be disappointed.”

“I trust you.”

Cyrus paused and smiled, “I trust you, too.”

“I’m sorry if I screw up tonight,” TJ added in.

“You won’t,” Cyrus said. “We’re going to be alright. Hopefully they don’t ask any questions about the sleepover we had, though. Wait, they’re going to ask what day we started dating,” Cyrus groaned.

“We’ll just say it’s almost been a month,” TJ shrugged. It was true. Their one month anniversary was the next day.

“Speaking of that,” Cyrus asked, “what do you want to do tomorrow?”

“Movie theatre?” TJ suggested.

“I’m down for that,” Cyrus nodded. “See,” he cheerily added, “we’re already making plans for tomorrow. We’re going to get through today.”

“Yeah,” TJ smiled, squeezing his hand, “we will.” They boys kept walking, Cyrus chatting about his day and TJ listening intently to every word his said, hanging onto his voice like it’d be the last time he’d be able to hear it.

Chapter Text

Cyrus wasn’t lying about his mom. She was showering them in snacks, forcing TJ to call her Leslie, poking conversation with him here and there about his parents. She really liked gossip, but Cyrus tended to shoo her off before TJ could say anything too personal.

The boys were set up at the couch, watching random movies on Netflix until dinner arrived. Cyrus was on one end of the couch and TJ was at the other end, both dying to lean over to cuddle with the other. All they could do was blow kisses at each other when they were both alone in the living room.

TJ quickly noticed the difference between him and Cyrus’ home. Cyrus’ home was full of color, a lot more modern than his goth parent’s decoration. He liked it. He was very appreciative of the baby photos of Cyrus strewn all over the place. Most of them were horribly photoshopped, but he still found them adorable.

He kept eyeing the piano in the corner of the room. His GG had one just like it, only in white. He had left it for Amber, but it didn’t fit inside their home, so it got sent to a storage locker he was almost sure they didn’t pay for three months. It might’ve been bided off, and his dad didn’t have the heart to tell them. He made a note to ask later.

“Hey, Cy,” TJ asked, his eyes sticking on the keys of the instrument, “who here plays piano?”

“My mom does,” Cyrus answered before shrugging, “well, she used to. A long time ago. Specifically, when before I turned seven.”

“What happened when you were seven?” TJ asked. During Cyrus’ quick pause, TJ guessed it himself.

“The divorce,” Cyrus said before TJ could stop him.

“I’m sorry,” TJ found himself saying, looking over at his boyfriend with sad eyes.

Cyrus gave him a small smile, “It was for the best. I’m glad you didn’t have to through that.” TJ managed to smile back before looking back at the piano. He wondered if he still remembered how to play. He’d probably suck.

Cyrus gave him a small smile, “It was for the best. I’m glad you didn’t have to through that.” TJ managed to smile back before looking back at the piano. His fingers started tapping on his thighs, remembering what it was like to press keys. “Do you know how to play it?”

“Kind of,” TJ shook his hand. “My GG and Nana always taught me and Amber because we liked it. Amber is the one that was always better than me. I probably could’ve been better, but I never pursued it because of basketball..”

“Ball is life,” Cyrus snickered, making TJ playfully roll his eyes.

“Hey, if I’m going to do something, I have to be the best at it.”

“Well if you know anything on the piano that you think you’re the best at, you can go play with it.”

TJ’s eyes lit up, making Cyrus grin at TJ’s sudden excitement, “Really?”

“Yeah,” Cyrus said. “We have a guy come clean it every once in a while.”

“People clean pianos for living?” TJ raised an eyebrow, already standing up.

“I thought the guy who knew random facts about everything would know,” Cyrus told him, following TJ to the piano.

“Piano is short for pianoforte, which is Italian,” TJ stuck his tongue out at Cyrus before sitting down at the bench. “Sit,” TJ said, patting the spot next to him. Cyrus smiled and sat next to his boyfriend as he started pressing keys, trying to remember what to do.

“Do you know any songs?”

“Yeah,” TJ whispered, his hands positioning themselves, “this is the song that was stuck in my head when dad left.”

TJ knew Cyrus would recognize Star Dust by Doris Day. It was on C.C.C.M. after all. TJ messed up a couple of notes, but he seemed to remember most of it. Cyrus stared at TJ’s hands in awe and whispered, “You’re so talented.” TJ missed another key as his heart did a small leap inside of his chest.  

TJ only played the song for less than a minute before stopping and saying, “That’s all I remember.”

“Wow,” Leslie clapped, making TJ jump up a little on the bench, “it’s been a while since this room was filled with music.”

“You have a great piano,” TJ blushed, not knowing what to say.

“You have great skills, kid,” Norman told him, making TJ want to shrink down and disappear. He felt like he had done horribly.

“It’s been a fat minute sinc- I mean, a while since I’ve played,” TJ told him with a tight-lipped smile, “but thank you.”

“Great job,” Cyrus whispered, lightly nudging TJ, making him straighten up and smile genuinely.

Leslie approached the piano with her phone up and asked, “Can I take a picture of you boys?”

“Mom,” Cyrus muttered, covering his face with his hands.

TJ smiled, “It’s fine with me.” Cyrus turned away from his mom to give TJ a death glare, only making TJ’s grin widen.

“Come on, Cyrus, smile. You never liked playing the piano,” Leslie commented, convincing Cyrus to turn back around and look at the camera.

“I didn’t like my teacher,” Cyrus corrected her. Leslie didn’t say anything else as she got different angles of them.

“TJ,” she said after snapping a few photos, “you have such a beautiful smile, honey.”

“Thank you,” TJ told her, “I got it from my great grandpa.”

“Mom, you’re going to lift his ego up,” Cyrus said, standing up from the bench.

“He deserves it,” she said. “How long did you say it was since you played?”

“Um,” TJ bit his lip, “about two years ago. Might be less.”

“As a pianist, you never forget,” she smiled at him.

“You should play something,” TJ told her, standing up and going next to Cyrus.

“I shouldn’t,” she shook her head. “It’s been even longer for me.”

“I’ve never heard you play,” Norman commented, making everyone in the room turn to look at him. TJ felt Cyrus tense up next to him, and it was really hard to not reach out to grab his hand. “It’d be nice to hear.”

“Give it a shot, Leslie,” TJ encouraged her. Calling her Leslie seemed to do it. She sat down and pressed a few keys before breaking out into a melody.

I love you for sentimental reasons

I hope you do believe me

I'll give you my heart

Cyrus was the one that reached for TJ’s hand, squeezing it. TJ looked at Cyrus, and he seemed happy, content with the situation. He hadn’t messed up.

I love you and you alone were meant for me

Please, give your loving heart to me

And say we'll never part

After a minute or so, Leslie stopped and whispered, “There, that’s it for me. For today, at least.” TJ could’ve sworn she was about to cry as they were clapping.

“You’re really great,” TJ told her as Norman went to sit on the bench next to her.

“You really are absolutely amazing,” Norman said, giving her a kiss on top of the head.

“Thank you, boys,” Leslie let out a cheery laugh, wiping below her eyes. “This was nice. Thank you, TJ.”

TJ knew he was blushing as he let out a barely audible, “Yeah, it was nothing.”

“Dinner will be ready in fifteen. You boys should go wash your hands,” Leslie turned her head to look at them, Cyrus quickly letting go of TJ’s hand before she could see.

“Alright,” Cyrus said, “I’m going to show TJ my room, then.” TJ couldn’t help but smile before following Cyrus up the stairs of his house. They seemed to have a couple of spare rooms. They walked by a few before Cyrus led them into what was his room. “It doesn’t have as much personality as yours,” Cyrus turned to TJ,” but it has a bed.” It was decorated like the rest of the house but in blue, the occasional knick-knacks making it more Cyrus-like.

TJ teased him, “I feel like a 30-year-old man lives here.”

“Hey,” Cyrus lightly nudged TJ’s arm, furrowing his brows.

“Just kidding,” TJ put his arm around him, placing a kiss on the side of his forehead. “I love it.”

“Yeah, just like my parents hate you,” Cyrus smiled.

“You think they like me?” TJ asked him, pulling his arm back and starting to walk around.

“You kidding me? I would beg my mom to play that song for me all the time, and she never wanted to after the divorce.”

“She played it for you, then,” TJ told him, looking closer at his desk where a leather journal was shut close.

“No, she played it for you,” Cyrus shook his head, trailing behind TJ.

“Nope,” TJ fought, “it was for you. She could’ve played any song she knew for me, and she chose the song she’s been wanting to play the most all these years. She chose the song you’ve been wanting to hear.” Cyrus stayed silent, even when TJ reached for his journal. “Can I open this?” TJ asked him, looking back at him. Cyrus’ nose was red, and he was biting his lip. TJ immediately dropped the journal back on the desk and went to hug Cyrus, “Hey,” he whispered, rubbing his hand on his back, “what’s wrong?”

“I’m just really happy she’s playing again,” Cyrus told him, hugging back TJ tightly. TJ smiled into the shorter boy’s hair. “Thank you. You’re honestly incredible.”

“Cy,” TJ murmured, his face being clouded by a crimson blush.

“There,” Cyrus pulled away, taking in a deep breath and rubbing away the water in his eyes, TJ watching his face carefully every single second. “I’m good.”

“Can I kiss you?” TJ found himself asking out of nowhere.

“What?” Cyrus laughed nervously.

“I want to kiss you,” TJ caught himself laughing along before Cyrus turned around to make sure the door was closed.

“I don’t see why not,” Cyrus shrugged, looking back into TJ’s eyes. TJ gave him a smile before leaning down to kiss him, his lips finding Cyrus’ familiar ones. They parted for a moment where Cyrus managed to tell him, “I really like you,” before initiating another kiss, his arms around TJ’s neck to pull him in closer.

“I really like you, too,” TJ lightly pressed his nose against Cyrus’ when they stopped. “Are you still nervous about coming out?”

“A little,” Cyrus admitted, quickly pecking TJ on the lips, “but you being here makes it easier.”

“I’m glad,” TJ told him, feeling his heart beat furiously in his chest, wanting to take in every single second with Cyrus like it were silk slipping through his fingers.

“Are you nervous?” Cyrus asked him, running a finger on the side of TJ’s face.

“A little,” TJ said. “But no matter what happens, we’re going to be fine. I know it.”

“Me, too,” Cyrus smiled at him.

TJ gave him another quick kiss before asking, “Can I go through your journal?”

“What about my deep and most personal thoughts intrigues you so much?” Cyrus raised a brow at his boyfriend, letting go of him to go pick up the journal.

“Everything,” TJ said excitedly with a big grin.

Cyrus reached over with one hand to pinch one of his cheeks, “You really do have a pretty smile.”

“I believe the word used was beautiful,” TJ grinned, moving his cheek into Cyrus’ hand until he was able to kiss his hand.

Cyrus playfully rolled his eyes, “Your inner jock is showing.” TJ swiped the journal out of Cyrus’ hand and ran to a corner of the room. “Teej!” Cyrus chased after TJ, “You know this is a battle I can’t win.”

“I know,” TJ said, jumping on the bed before rolling off and standing up again.

“Show off,” Cyrus gave up, throwing himself on his stomach on the bed. TJ sat at the end of the bed and opened the journal, going through the pages. The first entry was from the 6^th grade. TJ skimmed a lot of the pages, only stopping to look at the ones that had pictures taped to them. There were a lot with the Good Hair Crew, and the occasional few with his family.

TJ pointed at a picture in the place he recognized to be Andi’s house. “Why does it say ‘me, Buffy, Andi, and Andi’s parents’ on the bottom of this photo? I thought those were her grandparents?”

“Oh shit,” Cyrus said, dragging himself with his arms over to TJ. “Long story short, Andi thought her whole life that her grandparents were her parents until Bex told her that she was her mom, not her sister, and then Bowie showed up.”

“That’s wild,” TJ said, looking at the photo one more time, recognizing Andi’s grandma as the one who interrupted what could’ve been their first kiss. He wouldn’t change it, though. “I like Andi’s grandma.”

“Me, too.”

“Andi’s grandpa looks a whole lot like John Cena.”

Cyrus let out a snort, “Your mind, I swear.” TJ skipped through a lot of pages, starting to find a lot of pictures of Jonah Beck. He slowed down, seeing more Ultimate Frisbee things pile up. There were other pictures strewn in occasionally, but he saw a lot of the same smile with dimples.

“You guys got really close to Jonah because of Ultimate?” TJ asked him.

Cyrus slowly sat up, positioning himself next to TJ, “Uhrm, yeah.” TJ and Cyrus both stared down at a page where there was a single polaroid selfie of him and Jonah, happy faces, stars, and hearts doodled all over the page. “Look, TJ,” Cyrus started to say.

“Boys,” Leslie called out from outside the room, “dinner is served.”

“On our way,” Cyrus said, already standing up. “I’ll tell you later, okay? Let’s go wash our hands.”

“Okay,” TJ told him, standing up and setting the journal closed on the end of the bed. He had a feeling he already knew.

-

As the end of dinner approached, Cyrus felt the pit in his stomach grow bigger. The clink of kitchenware seemed to echo louder in his head as every minute went by, the voices of his parents and TJ being less audible.

He was already nervous about having to do this two more times, and he wasn’t even done with the first one.

TJ held his hand under the table for a few seconds every once in a while, noticing that it was getting closer to the time. Cyrus regretted not rehearsing anything or writing down what to say. He had originally decided against it because he didn’t want to stress out about it so much. He was starting to regret a lot of his decisions at the moment, including some he made in the third grade.

Cyrus’ throat burned dry as he found the courage to start the conversation. He waited until his mom started stacking dishes, and he finally said, “Hey,” he licked his chapping lips, “I need to talk to you two.” Leslie and Frank quickly looked at TJ and Cyrus said, “Yes, TJ has to be here.”

“What’s going on, Cyrus?” Leslie set the dishes she was holding back down, giving him her full attention. Norman was doing the same, and Cyrus had never felt their gazes so heavy.

“I don’t really know how to say this,” Cyrus rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, the other one reaching out to hold on tightly to TJ’s own. Cyrus inhaled before telling them, “I’m gay.” There was only a quick silence, Cyrus feeling light and heavy at the same time.

“Cyrus,” Leslie placed her hands over her heart, “I love you so so much. Come here,” she stood up at the same time as Norman. Cyrus felt his heart soar, his feet seeming to take flight as he walked over to his parents to hug them.

It was okay. Him and TJ would be okay. He was okay

When they let him go, he immediately turned to look at TJ who was smiling sheepishly at the scene before him.

“Am I allowed to make an assumption?” Norman asked Cyrus, now also smiling at TJ.

“Sure,” Cyrus smiled.

“TJ is your boyfriend?” Norman asked him merrily, making the two younger boys feel so much better about everything.  

“That would be correct,” Cyrus told them with a smile.

“TJ, come here,” Leslie motioned him over with her arm. TJ hesitantly got up, and when he went over to the other side of the table, Leslie pulled him into a hug. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed how much happier Cyrus has been lately. Thank you.”

Cyrus exhaled.

-

Cyrus somehow snuck TJ back up into his room without his parents noticing. They probably wouldn’t be allowed to be alone in his bedroom anytime soon, so he decided to take him back up before they took TJ home.

As soon as Cyrus shut the door, TJ pulled him in for a hug, knocking the wind out of him. “TJ,” Cyrus laughed, “I can’t breathe.”

“Sorry,” TJ put him down, a huge smile on his face, “I’m just so proud of you.”

“Thank you for being with me,” Cyrus smiled up him.

“I always want to be there for you, okay?” TJ said, bending down to give him a quick kiss. “Can I finish going through the journal now?” Cyrus bit, his lip. He knew he had to tell him about the crush he had on Jonah. It was only fair.

“Sure,” Cyrus nodded, going over to the end of his bed with TJ. TJ went to the last page where they were, the stupid polaroid picture of him and Jonah standing out.

“Did you,” TJ paused for a second, making Cyrus’ heart fall, “like him?”

Chapter Text

TJ looked over at Cyrus who could only give him a nod. TJ cracked a small smile, “That’s funny.”

Cyrus furrowed his brows, “What?”

“I mean,” TJ said as he casually flipped the page, “I always had the feeling there was something about Jonah that made you uncomfortable, and I guess I was right.”

“So, you were able to tell?”

“Before looking at the journal, no,” TJ shook his head.

“I mean, I promised once that I would tell you, but I guess you figured it out,” Cyrus said, looking down at his hands. “This doesn’t bother you, does it?”

“Of course not,” TJ said, wrapping an arm around him, pulling him in to kiss his temple. “You know why?”

“Why?” Cyrus turned his head to place his forehead against TJ’s cheek.

“Because Jonah is never going to get a polaroid with you like this,” TJ said, pointing down at an open page. It was the picture where TJ and Cyrus were kissing on the lips, their eyes closed shut, already damaged from the flash of the previous photos. “Also,” TJ laughed, “it’d be silly of me to get mad weird about something from the past. I know you like me. You’re whipped.”

“Hey,” Cyrus pulled away, glaring at TJ for his joke as he started laughed. “You’re also whipped. You’ve been whipped since you put together that playlist for me.”

When an irresistible force

Such as you

Meets an old immovable object like me

You can bet as sure as you live

Something gotta give

“I shouldn’t have told you it was for you,” TJ snickered, pulling Cyrus back in to kiss him. “I should go home soon before your mom runs in here and chases me out.”

“She’d kick me out before you, honestly,” Cyrus smiled.

“I still don’t know how my parents are going to react,” TJ frowned, closing the journal and putting it to the side.

Cyrus reached out to hold TJ’s hand, “Let me know when you’re ready, and I’ll be there, okay?”

“Oof,” TJ bit hit lips, “we still have to tell your dad and stepmom, too.”

“I’m starting to think I can tell them by myself. I’m actually going to my dad’s tomorrow, so I’m trying to get through this with the adrenaline I got from today. You can just meet my dad on a family game night”

“My family doesn’t have those,” TJ laughed. “Our usual bonding happens after one of us points out that we each haven’t seen Macaroni in a week, and we start to think he’s dead. I pretend to go look for him with them around the block, but I’m always in my room listening to music.”

“Why do you hate Macaroni?” Cyrus smiled, shaking his head.

“He’s suspicious. I don’t trust him,” TJ told him before pressing a kiss on Cyrus’ hand. “Anyways, if you change your mind about telling your dad by yourself, let me know, okay?”

“Got it. You’re the best.”

“Well, you bring out the best in me.”

When an irrepressible smile

Such as yours

Warms an old implacable heart

Such as mine

Don't say no

Because I insist

Somewhere, somehow, someone's gonna be kissed

-

TJ entered his home, looking around at the noir decoration and smiling. His parents were really goth kids at heart who somehow birthed an athlete. They still all painted their nails black for a family Christmas card that one year, though. He remembered his Nana being absolutely pissed. She was the reason every copy of it got burned.

He walked up the stairs, realizing there was nobody on the first floor. His parents were out on a date night, but he assumed Amber was in her room. He knocked on her door and didn’t get an answer. He poked at the sign Andi gave her and smiled before walking down the hall to his room. When he opened the door, he jumped a little at the sight of Amber laying down on his bed with Macaroni on her stomach.

“He’s getting fat,” TJ commented as he shut the door behind him. Macaroni was a skinny things just a few weeks ago

Amber didn’t bother turning to look at him, simply telling him, “He just chunky boy right now, leave him alone. You’re going to hurt his feelings.”

“He doesn’t have any,” TJ looked over at the cat who had his eyes shut as Amber stroked his head. “That’s how eats everything and anything he finds. Like the dead bird that was on the front lawn. I swear, I waited for me to get home just to eat it in front of me. He’s gross.”

“You loved him at one point,” Amber reminded him.

“Whatever,” TJ said before walking over to his desk chair. He turned on his computer and started looking for music. “We told his parents.”

“I’m happy for you, Teej,” Amber smiled at the ceiling, not meeting TJ’s eye. TJ found it weird but didn’t mention it. “Finally, after forever.”

“Hey,” TJ defended himself, “I thought they were going to hate me and keep me away from Cyrus. I still don’t know how mom and dad are going to react, though.”

“I don’t know either,” Amber whispered.

“Gee,” TJ rolled his eyes, “thanks for the positive reinforcement.”

“TJ,” Amber sat up, picking up Macaroni and cradling him in his arms. “I like Andi.”

“Oh,” TJ’s mouth fell open, trying to scatter through his memories to remember what he came out to her. All he could say was, “That’s gay.”

“Don’t say anything else. It’ll probably be dumber,” she told him, a small smile creeping onto her lips before fading out.

“Yeah, probably,” TJ sat back, his chair turned to her. He was staring at her, her sad eyes looking at the carpeting of his room. “What are you going to do?”

“Nothing,” Amber shrugged, Macaroni purring as she continued to pet him behind the ears. “She’s with Jonah. She’s straight, TJ.”

“I thought Cyrus was straight,” TJ reminded her. “He’s dated a girl before. Maybe Andi is the same.”

“Not everybody is gay, TJ,” Amber said for the second time.

“Not with that negativity,” TJ stuck his tongue out at her. Amber rolled her eyes and put Macaroni to the side, only to have him climb back onto her lap. “He loves you.” Amber tried putting him to the side again, but he simply crawled back to where he was.

“He knows I need cheering up,” Amber smiled, starting to stroke the cat again. “See, he’s not so bad. You just don’t like him because he cuddles with Cyrus.”

“Maybe so,” TJ scoffed. TJ studied his sister’s face, her frown in the spotlight, “Honestly, Amber. Please don’t get sad about Andi. She’s your friend.”

“I’m going to tell her, and I’m going to lose her friendship,” Amber told him determinedly.

“What?” TJ raised a brow. “No. You’re not going to do that. I mean, you can tell her, but you can’t lose her. You won’t lose her.”

“I will. She’s going to straight up hate me. Punch me in the nose. Run away. Never make me another bracelet.”

“How many bracelets has she made for you?” TJ asked.

Amber held up her wrist, “19.”

“Oh wow,” TJ said. “That’s gay.”

“She’s straight, TJ,” Amber sighed.

“Then just come out to her,” TJ suggested.

“You and Cyrus aren’t even out to her,” Amber reminded him.

“Okay, but like,” TJ licked his lips, trying to find an explanation, “she’s not my main or anything.”

“Have you told Reed or Lester or anyone on the basketball team?”

“I haven’t talked to them in a while, actually,” TJ looked up to his ceiling, a picture of his infamous friends in the corner. “I don’t want them near Cyrus.”

“That makes you a good boyfriend, honestly,” Amber smiled. “I wish you would’ve been a good brother and kept them away from you.”

“Invalid,” TJ pointed his finger, “I didn’t know they would do that.”

“I had to cut 10 inches off my hair, TJ. 10! That’s a lot,” Amber yelled

“It’s hair, it grows back,” TJ rolled his eyes.

“Okay, then. Shave your hair off.”

“No,” TJ reached up to run his fingers through his hair, “I just got a boyfriend.”

“Isn’t it your one month tomorrow?” Amber asked him.

“Yes, it is,” TJ cocked a smile. “We’re going to see a movie tomorrow.”

“That’s cute,” Amber smiled, looking down at the cat on her lap who was purring nonstop. “Do you think he knows he’s going to die soon?”

TJ coughed, “What?”

“He’s getting old, TJ,” Amber reminded him, picking up the cat to smother him with her face. Macaroni started licking her nose.

“So? He probably has a couple of years left,” TJ crossed his arms, his smile completely gone.

“Maybe,” Amber shrugged as she moved Macaroni back down.

“You’re just saying this to make me feel something about Macaroni,” TJ accused her.

Amber smirked, “Maybe.”

“You’re still evil,” TJ rolled his eyes, “and here I thought that Andi had changed you.”

“We’re still Amber and TJ, children of Viktor Kippen.”

“The man who cries when he hears a g note on the piano?” TJ snickered.

“My Chemical Romance means a lot to him. Your middle name was almost Gerard, but mom didn’t like how it looked with a J, and she was stuck on the nickname TJ. Actually, does Cyrus even know what TJ stands for?” TJ bit down on his lips, his eyes pretending to wander around the room. “TJ!” Amber laughed. “Why not?”

“It hasn’t come up,” TJ shrugged, a smile on his lips. “Also, sometimes I forget how to spell it. I’ll tell him when we get married.”

“You’re wild,” Amber rolled her eyes. She pulled out her phone from her back pocket and smiled, TJ already recognizing the look she got on her face.

“Andi?” TJ asked, raising his eyebrows at her.

“Yeah,” Amber smiled, typing something quickly with one hand. “By the way, we should come out to mom and dad.”

“What?” TJ quickly sat back, his swivel chair completely leaning back and startling him. He quickly regained his composure and sat at the end of his chair, looking directly at his sister like she was telling him she going to cook Macaroni for dinner. “Amber, you’re the wild one,” TJ spit out.

“It’ll be easier. You can still invite Cyrus,” Amber told him, not looking away from her phone.

“Amber, no,” TJ shook his head, his grip on the arms of his swivel chair.

“I’m going to do it soon,” Amber told him. “You don’t have to do it with me, obviously. You can do it when you’re ready. I’m ready.”

“So soon?” TJ scrunched his face up, a nauseated look starting to come up just like the dinner at Cyrus’.

“We’re two different people, Teej. I need to know now if they’re going to kick me out on the streets or if I can keep looking for colleges.”

“They won’t do that to you,” TJ bit his lip. He didn’t know, actually. Part of him wanted Amber to tell them before he did, so he could see if it was safe for him to go on and tell them. The other part of him, was still the little boy that wanted to do everything with his older sister, no matter how much it scared him.

“At the end of the day, TJ,” Amber told him, giving him a weak smile, “I just want you to be safe and feel secure, okay?”

“I want the same for you, too,” TJ found himself whispering.

“What?”

TJ repeated himself for clearly the second time, “I want the same for you. Let’s tell them together, Ambs. I swear I won’t chicken out. Anything they tell you, they’re going to have to tell me, too.” Amber gave him a huge smile, her eyes brimming with tears.

“I love you,” Amber mouthed a thim, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

“I love you, too,” TJ smiled before peering into Macaroni’s open eyes. “You’re okay sometimes, Mac.” Macaroni let out a hiss in TJ’s direction before rubbing his head back into Amber’s hand.

The three hung out in TJ’s room for a little while longer, TJ going through music and Amber sending snapchats of Macaroni to Andi. Then the door downstairs shut close. TJ and Amber quickly looked at each other with wide eyes when they heard the familiar, “We’re home!” from Pearl down stairs.

“Shit, right now?” TJ asked her, quickly turning off his desktop.

“Oh, shit,” Amber stood up, putting Macaroni on the ground, “I thought we would have like three hours to plan it out.”

“Wait, so in three hours?” TJ asked her, also standing up, not knowing what to do.

“No, you already said right now,” Amber stuck out her tongue at him. She pressed her hand over her heart, “My heart is either pumping adrenaline or too much blood that I might get a blood clot, so let’s go do this before I change my mind.” Amber looked at TJ who seemed to be getting paler by the second, “Let’s go before you change your mind.”

TJ cleared his throat, “Right.” Amber and TJ marched out of the bedroom, Macaroni trailing behind them curiously as they walked down the stairs, passing their family photos hung in black frames, all the way to the kitchen entrance.

“Mom, dad,” Amber announced as the stepped in, Viktor setting up boiling water for the cup noodle he had in his hand and Pearl going through their snack pantry.

“Offspring,” Viktor gave them a peace sign as Amber went to take a seat at the kitchen table, TJ not being able to move once he was two feet into the kitchen.

“Don’t be weird, Viktor,” Pearl told him, pulling out a box of Poptarts and a bottle of mustard.

“You’re the weirdo. You put mustard on your Poptarts,” Viktor stuck out his tongue at his wife, who blew a kiss back, TJ clutching his hands to the side, watching Amber sit casually in their chair as if nothing was going to change in the next five minutes, and TJ really was overwhelmed now, the motion of standing still becoming too much.

"I'm gay!" TJ screamed.

"What?" Pearl blinked her eyes quickly, turning to look at TJ.

"Yeah, me too," Amber said monotonously in the background; the cup noodle Viktor was holding hit the ground, Macaroni immediately going after it.

"What?!" Pearl and Viktor said in unison quickly turning to their oldest kid.

"Cyrus is my boyfriend," TJ found himself saying, wanting to get it over with. Viktor and Pearl were looking between their kids and the between each other, Viktor not knowing what to do with the fact that Macaroni was chewing through the foam cup.

"I know I've dated boys, but I don't really think I like them at all," Amber admitted, the sound of Macaroni crunching on the hard noodles through the plastic starting to fill the room

"Okay, okay," Viktor waved one hand around furiously, the other one scooping up Macaroni, "let's focus. Amber," he pointed at her, "you're a lesbian." Amber gave him a peace sign. Viktor then turned to TJ, "You're gay and your friend Cyrus has actually been your boyfriend this entire time."

“Yes,” TJ nodded, biting down on his lips after speaking.

"Okay, wow," Viktor sighed, leaning against the counter. Macaroni started licking his face. "This is fine. I'm glad you kids told us."

"Yeah," Pearl went over to Amber to warp her arms around her and plant a kiss on the top of her head, "thank you for telling us."

That’s it?

"You're not… upset because I'm gay?" TJ asked, watching his dad place Macaroni on the counter. He bent down to pick up the remnants of the cup noodles. It was a mistake, though. Macaroni immediately walked over to the box of Pop Tarts, sticking his head inside, and biting into one through the wrapping. TJ didn’t even know why he was paying attention to the stupid cat when he was in an important conversation. Everything was moving so slow now, TJ thought as Viktor dropped the noodles again and went to go pull Macaroni away from the box. Viktor stuck his fingers in Macaroni’s mouth to get out the wrapping, Macaroni’s fat body unable to get away from his grip. TJ wanted to laugh at them, but he forced himself to look away and turned to his mom.

"Honey," his mom frowned, still holding tight onto Amber. "We have bigger problems than matching your prom tie to another prom tie instead of a dress. Actually, that’s a lot easier. We’ll get two of the same ties. Unless you want to wear the dress then-"

"Do you think he can fit into your prom dress if he tried?" his dad eagerly interrupted, cradling an upset Macaroni in his arms. TJ smiled at the cat’s supposed frown on his face.

"Honey, please. Black isn't his color,” Pearl rolled her eyes, pulling up a chair next to Amber. She patted the table and said, “Sit, boys.”

“We’re men,” Viktor joked, bending down to put Macaroni down on the floor. Macaroni immediately went for the cup noodle that was still on the floor, bit into, and ran past TJ, out the kitchen with the noodles in his tiny jaw. With his hands on his hips, Viktor leaned back and yelled, “Fuck!” before chasing after the cat. Amber and TJ grinned as their dad disappeared into the living room as Pearl tried to hide her smile behind her hands clasped on her mouth.

“TJ,” Pearl said, a small laugh spilling out, “come sit with us.” TJ looked out the kitchen once more before sitting down at the table. “Okay, kids, I guess this is a perfect time to talk.”

“Shouldn’t we wait for dad?” Amber asked, her neck turning to see if he’d walk through soon. There were cuss words and TJ was almost sure he heard their coffee table being knocked over.

“He knows what I’m going to say. We’ve been talking about it,” Pearl smiled at them, her eyes instantly narrowing when she heard glass break. “Viktor!” she yelled.

“It was the cat!” Viktor shouted back. He walked back in a few seconds later with pieces of foam and hard noodle in his hands, dumping them in the trash before sitting down. Viktor sat at the table, folded his hands like he would in a business meeting, and announced in a fake deep voice to Pearl, “He broke the vase your mom gave us for Christmas but be easy on the poor fella who might need to get his stomach pumped.”

“You’re lying,” Pearl didn’t hesitate to tell him, Viktor immediately looking away from her. “I know when you’re lying Viktor Kippen. You knocked that vase over on purpose because you hated it.”

“I did not,” Viktor said, his voice a lot quieter now.

“I hated the vase, too. I don’t care,” Pearl smiled at him.

“Oh thank Gerard Way,” Viktor let out a sigh. “Are having the talk with the kids now, or?”

“No, we’re going to tell them we’re forcing them into a family heavy metal band with us.”

“Okay,” Viktor licked his lips, going back into business mode, “the band’s name will be-“

“Viktor,” Pearl laughed, a weird smile on her face. For some reason, seeing that smile caused Viktor to erupt into a fit of laughter that echoed through their house. TJ hadn’t seen his parents mess around like this since he was a lot younger. They had aged so much in a few months, and he felt like he was watching them go back into their old carefree selves before him.

“Who let us have kids, I swear,” Viktor tried to contain his laughter, failing time and time again. Amber was laughing along with him, her resemblance to the Kippen’s bursting through. Pearl and TJ sat there, looking at each other with their smiles plastered on there face, knowing that for the first time in a long time, they were all finally happy.

“Okay, okay,” Pearl patted the table, “let’s focus.” Viktor took a deep breath before sitting up straight. “Kids, we just wanted to remind you guys that we love you.”

“That’s it?” Amber raised a brow.

“Gee, Pearl, this one really is yours,” Viktor said, ruffling Amber’s hair and leaving most of it in her face. “No, I love you back.”

“You told me you loved me two minutes after meeting me,” Pearl reminded him.

“Amber has known us her whole life,” Viktor said, pretending to be sad, looking over Amber with dramatic sad eyes. TJ really couldn’t believe that goofball of a man worked in marketing and raised a hell of an athlete and a teenage girl. Hell was a teenage girl, anyways.  

“I love you guys, too,” Amber rolled her eyes as she fix her hair, a smile in the corner of her lips. The three of them turned to look at TJ who simply shook his head.

“I love you, too,” TJ smiled.

-

Cyrus and TJ met up at the Kippen’s to go watch the movie Saturday morning. TJ literally called Cyrus the second he got into his bedroom after the whole fiasco in the kitchen and told him almost every little detail, simply leaving out the parts about Amber. The conversation ended with TJ yelling at Macaroni for throwing up on his floor and a family trip to the vet.

Cyrus knocked on the door, wishing on every single star in the sky that TJ’s parents wouldn’t answer. He was happy they were out to two thirds of the parents, but he felt like he still had to deal with the initial awkwardness, and he was already trying to figure out how to make himself invisible.

“Cyrus!” Viktor joyfully answered. He was wearing an old band t-shirt and Spongebob pajama pants, a mug of coffee in one hand. “Come in. TJ is almost done getting ready,” Viktor held the door open for Cyrus to walk in through. “Go ahead and take a seat. I’ll call him,” Viktor motioned to the couch with a tilt of his head. “TJ! Your boyfriend is here!” he yelled before casually walking into the kitchen. Cyrus watched Viktor go away before going to sit down and checking his phone.

That’s not as bad as I thought it’d be.

Viktor walked back out with Pearl who had Macaroni under her arm like the morning newspaper. Cyrus sat up a little straighter as he watched them sit on the couch diagonal from him. He didn’t dare look away from his phone, feeling like he was going to accidentally make eye contact with them.

“Mom, dad,” TJ said in a complain-like tone, “why can’t you guys be cool for the five seconds Cyrus is in this house.”

“We are being cool,” Viktor defended them, holding Macaroni up like a trophy. Macaroni looked absolutely miserable, and TJ almost felt bad for him.

“If you were cool, you would’ve stayed in the kitchen,” TJ shook his head before looking over at Cyrus, a smile instantly framing his face. “Hey, Cyrus.”

“Hey, TJ,” Cyrus said, quickly standing up. “Ready to go?”

“Oh gosh, Viktor, did you see how his face lit up,” Pearl whispered loudly.

“Mom,” TJ took a deep breath before walking up to Cyrus.

“Sorry,” Pearl bit her lip, containing back a smile.

“We’ll be back soon,” TJ said, pulling Cyrus out the door by the hand.

“Take care of him, Cy,” Viktor yelled out before TJ shut the door.

“I’m so sorry they’re my parents,” TJ told him, immediately wrapping an arm around Cyrus’ shoulders.

“I don’t mind. I’m really glad they’re fine with everything,” Cyrus told him.

“You can say they freaked you out. I don’t care.”

Cyrus turned to look up at him and gave him a nervous grin, “Maybe a little.”

TJ took the chance to give Cyrus a quick peck on the lips before saying, “Sorry about that. They’ve been acting like kids again. Just, fun kids. Not annoying, bratty, selfish kids.”

“I’m really happy for you, honestly,” Cyrus told him.

“I’m happy, too,” TJ smiled, pressing the side of his head down Cyrus’ temple, “thank you for this one month.”

So on guard

Who knows what the faiths have in store

From there fast mysterious sky

I'll try hard ignoring those lips I adore

But how long can anyone try

-

Cyrus was late for math, and if he was late for math, TJ was going to wonder where he was, and then TJ would call him in the middle of class, getting his phone confiscated and sent to the office where only Pearl or Viktor could pick it up which meant TJ and him might lose their Snapchat streak. He was busting a mission from the principal’s office where Dr. Metcalf has asked him some questions about a journalism club all the way to his math class across school. He had a pass, but still.

He quickly stopped by his locker to switch something out, and he noticed the mob of boys walking his way. He ignored it and tried shoving his school supplied into his locker as quickly ass possible without anything spilling out. The boys were getting closer, and he could’ve sworn one of them said, “That’s him. His name is Cyrus.”

He refused to look, and he quickly zipped his backpack back up and swung it back on. But when he shut his locker and turned around, he was surrounded by a wall of boys. Tall boys. Basketball boys. Scary basketball guys. Eight of them.

“You Cyrus?”

“Yes?” Cyrus tried to stand tall. It was kind of impossible.

“You TJ’s boy?”

Fight, fight, fight, fight

Fight it with all of our might

Chances are some heavenly star spangled night

You'll find out

As sure as we live

Something's really got to give

Chapter Text

“I might be,” Cyrus answered, leaning all the way back into his locker at the boys all gave each other glances, Cyrus’ fist clutching tighter on his hall pass.

“For sure you’re Cyrus?” one of the boys asked, making Cyrus raise an eyebrow.

“I just said, yes, do you need to see my birth certificate? Passport? Fun card to Avalanche Arcade? I carry all types of identification on me” Cyrus asked him, causing some of the boys to erupt with laughter. He just wanted to get to class.

“You actually have those on you?” the same boy asked. “Can I see them?”

“Sam,” a boy put his hand on his shoulder, “it’s him.”

“Hey, you never know,” Sam shrugged, “anyone would be lucky to be TJ’s boyfriend.” Sam looked at Cyrus who was starting to get a small smile on his lips, feeling safe that they wouldn’t beat him to pulp. “You’re his boyfriend, right?” Cyrus nodded, all the boys suddenly erupting in loud cheering.

“Aye, I told you guys we’d find him A-S-A-P,” a boy Cyrus recognized by the name of Gustavo told them with a huge grin. Cyrus was so confused, and suddenly, he didn’t want to get to math anymore. He was realizing something, and it was starting to hit him like the weight of bricks.

People knew.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Cyrus got them all to shut up immediately, “how do you guys know?”

They all looked at each other momentarily before Sam raised his hand low and said, “Someone-“

“Me and Jordon,” Gustavo interrupted.

“Gustavo and Jordon,” Sam rolled his eyes, “saw you guys holding hands at the movie theatre, and we all asked him before school started today. He told us you were, how do I quote him, ‘his boy’, but somehow, he said heart emojis out loud.”

“He’s hella whipped for you, dude,” another boy said. “He talked about you for like five minutes straight.” Cyrus began smiling, puzzle pieces starting to come together as he realized that the basketball team wouldn’t give TJ a tough time.

“We just wanted to ask you to take care of him, okay?” Gustavo patted the side of Cyrus arm real fast, all the other boys coming up to him afterwards to give him a fist bump or another shake of the shoulder, murmuring yeah dude’s and take care of him’s. All the boys started dispersing in different directions, making Cyrus remember that he still had to go to class.

If the basketball team, knows, other people know.

Cyrus thought that to himself as he barely reached his class a minute after the bell. He gave Mrs. Pierson the note at her desk before heading to sit his own, the class stiff silent.

They all know.

Cyrus turned to look at Jonah who was quietly tapping a beat on the desk as usual. He didn’t greet him like he usually did.

Jonah knows. Which means

Cyrus gasped, a few heads turning to him, including Jonah who quietly asked him, “Are you okay, Cyrus?”

Cyrus rubbed the heat on his face and said, “Yeah. Can we talk after class, though?”

“Is it what I think it’s about?”

“TJ?” Cyrus whispered. Jonah simply nodded and gave him a friendly thumbs up. Cyrus sighed and started reaching for his notebook and pencils.

Andi and Buffy know. It wasn’t me that told them.

-

Realizing they no longer had to hide anything, Cyrus immediately went to TJ at the end of class, Jonah trailing behind. Cyrus quickly ignored the fact that he had his ex-crush and boyfriend with him at the same time, saving that giggling fact for some other day.

“Your team came up to me,” Cyrus told him, TJ immediately rolling his eyes.

“Did they say anything dumb?” he asked him, putting on his drawstring bag.

“No,” Cyrus shook his head, giving him a smile, “I kind of like them.”

“Really?” TJ smiled. “They’re something else, I swear.”

“Yeah, and I think they also told other people,” Cyrus frowned.

“Fuck,” TJ muttered under his breath, his eyes landing on Jonah for the first time. “Jonah, do you know?”

“That you guys have been secretly dating, yeah. That’s all I know though,” Jonah shrugged.

“Who did you hear it from?” Cyrus asked him as they all starting moving out of the classroom in a close group.

“Lizzy Larson,” Jonah answered.

“Of course,” TJ bit his lips. He had Amber send her messages from his snapchat account when she wouldn’t leave him alone. Amber wasn’t exactly nice. “Who did she hear it from?”

“She said someone else told her, but she didn’t say who,” Jonah said. “Don’t worry, though. I don’t think anyone will bother you guys.”

“I know that but,” Cyrus looked over at TJ with worried eyes, “Andi and Buffy.” TJ wrapped an arm around Cyrus, immediately getting head turns from other students. A lot of them were smiling, but those smiles didn’t make Cyrus feel good for some reason.

“They know, if that’s what you’re wondering,” Jonah frowned. “I’m sorry, Cyrus.”

“Are they mad?” Cyrus asked him, his palms opening and closing nervously at his sides.

“Not mad,” Jonah told him. “Probably more upset and confused. Andi texted me that her and Buffy found out something last period, but I already knew about it.”

“Lunch is going to be awkward,” Cyrus groaned, TJ pulling him in closer. Jonah looked like he didn’t know if he should be frowning because of the topic of the conversation or admiring how actually cute TJ and Cyrus looked together.

“I’m sorry,” TJ told him, “I’m really sorry, Cyrus. I should’ve asked the boys to keep it a secret for a little bit longer.”

“No,” Cyrus said to him. “It’s fine. If it wasn’t your teammates that saw us, it probably would’ve been someone else. We aren’t exactly as sneaky as we think we are. I should’ve just told Andi and Buffy a long time ago.”

“There’s nothing we can do to change that, Cyrus,” TJ told him, leaning his head on his. “You just have to explain it to them. They’ll understand.” TJ broke apart from Cyrus at the end of the hall and went his own way, leaving Cyrus with Jonah to walk to their next class.

“Andi and Buffy love you, Cyrus,” Jonah reminded him, trying to make him feel better. “They’ll listen to whatever you have to tell them, trust me.”

“Thanks, Jonah,” Cyrus gave the boy a small smile.

“Anytime, Cy.”

-

Jonah, Cyrus, Andi, Marty and Buffy were sitting at their usual cafeteria table. Nobody was saying anything, and nobody was eating. It was a stiff silence, and it was strong enough to make Cyrus want to run out and go cry somewhere. Buffy wouldn’t look at him, and Andi was staring down at her cafeteria food.

Buffy was the first to speak, her voice so monotone it was almost still, “When were you planning on telling us?”

“Soon, I swear,” Cyrus quickly answered, fear completely taking over his voice.

“When?” Andi asked, clearly upset. “As soon as everyone else knew?”

Cyrus frowned, “People weren’t supposed to find out until you guys knew. It’s what TJ, and I agreed on. I swear.”

“TJ didn’t want you to tell us?” Buffy looked up at him, a scowl on her face.

“I was the one that didn’t want to tell you guys,” Cyrus corrected her. “I’m sorry, but I wasn’t ready to tell you guys about TJ and I yet. I just finished telling my dad this week end after telling my mom. TJ’s parents also just found out. You guys were next, I swear.” Buffy and Andi looked anywhere that wasn’t Cyrus, making him more frustrating. “Please just say something. This is driving me insane. Half of the cafeteria is looking at me, but my best friends won’t.”

“I’m sorry,” Andi said, taking Cyrus aback.

“What?” Cyrus asked.

"Cyrus,” Andi took a deep breath, reaching over to hold his hand, “if I ever did anything that made you want to hide something like this from me, I'm so sorry." She was tearing up, and Cyrus also felt his eyes flood to the brim as he felt her squeeze his hand

"I'm sorry, too, Cyrus," Buffy said softly, reaching over to put her hand on top of theirs’. "I should've been a better friend these last few weeks. I love you, okay?”

“I love you guys, too,” Cyrus told them back, reaching up with his free hands to rub his eyes. Cyrus looked over at Marty and Jonah who were holding hands across the table to imitate them, huge grins on their face as they all burst out in laughter.

“How long have you guys been together?” Andi asked him, all of them finally starting to eat.

“A month and like, 2 days?” Cyrus answered cheerily.

“A month?” Buffy choked on her apple juice.

“And 2 days?” Andi asked with wide eyes.

Cyrus nodded with a small grin, “Yeah. It was only Amber that knew for a bit, too.”

“Amber knew and she didn’t tell me?” Andi scoffed. Buffy looked like she was still bothered with the amount of time they had managed to sneak past her.

“She’s a good sister,” Cyrus shrugged. “Also, we just told all of our parents. We told my mom and stepdad together, he told his parents with Amber, and I told my dad and stepmom on my own. Everyone took it well, thank goodness. We kept putting it off.”

“Okay, but for a whole month?” Buffy asked, putting her juice completely to the side. Cyrus nodded at her, her mouth in a frown. “How did that get past me?”

“You’ve been busy,” Cyrus reminded her. “It’s fine.”

“Never too busy for you, Cyrus,” Buffy frowned.

“I’m sorry. I really wish you guys would’ve heard it from me first,” Cyrus told them. He felt like that would’ve made him feel a lot better about telling them but what was done was done.

“Don’t apologize,” Buffy told him. “It’s my fault.” Everyone at the table were taken aback with her words, realizing it really was Buffy talking. Cyrus didn’t know if he was uncomfortable with this version of Buffy or happy. “Look, it really is. I was the one that probably made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me about TJ when I told you not to date him as a joke and stuff.”

“Buffy, don’t worry about that anymore,” Cyrus told her. “You didn’t know we’d end up actually dating.”

“He better be treating you right,” Buffy said, starting to look around the cafeteria. “So your parents just agreed to let him date you? They didn’t have a talk with him before or anything?”

“No- what are you doing?” Cyrus asked her as she started standing up from her chair, continuing to search around.

“I need to talk to him. If you’re telling me your parents didn’t crack down on him, I will.”

“Uh, no. You’re crazy,” Cyrus told her, starting to pull out his phone to text TJ. He had to avoid Buffy until Cyrus could convince her that she’s just being an overprotective friend.

“Cyrus,” Buffy let out a fake chuckle, “you’re acting like I’m asking for permission. I will find him, and we will have a lovely conversation.”

“Buffy,” Cyrus said, texting faster.

“There he is,” Buffy grinned before jumping out of her seat, to fast for Cyrus to stop her. Cyrus looked over at Andi with worried eyes, and she simply shrugged.

“She was going to find him eventually. He is a vampire,” Andi joked. Cyrus couldn’t help but smile for a moment before he scanned around for Buffy and TJ. Sure enough, they were talking. Buffy looked a lot taller than TJ even if he beat her by a few inches and although he was amused by that, the whole idea made him nervous.

She looked like she was lecturing him for a whole minute before they both broke out in smiles. She gave him a fist bump and walked back to their table, TJ going his own way to sit with his friends.

“What did you say to him?” Cyrus asked her. Buffy shrugged and started eating her food. “Buffy,” Cyrus groaned.

“Nothing bad, I swear,” she laughed. “But if he ever hurts you, he’s going to find himself with a stake through his heart.”

“I hate you,” Cyrus sighed, rubbing his face in embarrassment.

“Love you, too,” Buffy smiled.

-

The entire school definitely knew. TJ didn’t know how he felt about it, but he wasn’t upset. Nobody was bugging him or Cyrus. He guess that they knew they’d have to pick at him first before getting to Cyrus. Building up his bully credentials served a good purpose he thought.

When he got out of basketball practice, he went straight to his locker to find Cyrus. He had a water bottle and an apple for him.

“Hey,” TJ smiled as he walked up to him, “how are you?”

“Pretty good considering almost absolutely everything has changed,” Cyrus told him, hand him the water bottle.

“Thank you,” TJ told him, “at least we’re still the same, though.”

“Yeah,” Cyrus smiled up at him, “I guess you’re right.”

“Goodman, Kippen,” they heard an older man call at them. It was Principal Metcalf who was walking up to them. “You kids have a seconds?” TJ nervously eyed Cyrus who seemed to be fine with the older man’s presence.

“Yeah, sure,” Cyrus responded for him. “What can we do for you?”

“Well, it’s more of what I can do for you guys,” Metcalf told them, a small smile on his face. “I was interviewing more kids for that journalism club start up, and someone told me an interesting piece of information about you two.” Cyrus’ mouth formed the shape of an ‘o’, and the noise of TJ squeezing the water bottle echoed through the hall. “Look, I don’t think anything bad of it, I swear. I just want to tell you two that if absolutely anyone bothers you ever, that we have a zero tolerance policy for any type of bullying, and I will personally deal with it myself, okay?”

TJ felt a weight being lifted off his shoulder, almost as if Metcalf’s words were a blanket of security he’s been searching for to know that him and Cyrus would be okay.

“Wow,” Cyrus grinned widely, “thank you so much.”

“Yeah,” TJ nodded, a smile in place, “thank you.”

“No problem,” Metcalf replied to them. “Also, just know that the PDA policy is still in place.” Without saying anything else, Metcalf walked away to his office, leaving TJ and Cyrus to decide if that was a funny thing that he just said.

“Well,” TJ told him, reaching over to hold his hand, “looks like we’re safe here, too.”

“That makes me feel so much better,” Cyrus sighed happily, slipping the apple he had into the pocket of TJ’s hoodie. “We can hold hands everywhere now. I mean, we already kind of did it without caring.”

“We really were never careful,” TJ laughed. “I can’t believe the basketball team boys were the ones that found out first.”

“Are they treating you any different?” Cyrus asked as they started exited the building.

“No,” TJ shook his head. “They just ask me a lot more questions about you.”

“Do you talk about me?”

“Oh yeah,” TJ grinned, “a lot. But sometimes they just get annoying, and I ask the coach to have us do more drills to shut them up.”

“You’re still a bitter boy,” Cyrus laughed.

“Hey,” TJ said, pulling him in closer as they walked out the school doors, “it’s in my genetic code. There’s no wiping that out.” They walked for a bit before TJ asked, “Do you want to go do homework at my place?”

“Let me text my dad,” Cyrus told him, pulling out his phone with his free hand. He sent a quick text as they continued to walk, eventually getting a response. “He said yes.”

TJ turned to give Cyrus a kiss on his temple, “Nice. I think my mom is going to be home early, too, so she can make up something to eat.” They boys kept walking, Cyrus telling TJ about the journalism club Metcalf wanted to start to expose kids at their school to different types of literature and a few other random stories. He asked him about Buffy’s talk with him, but TJ refused to say anything, leaving a very pouty Cyrus.

Cyrus retracted his hand from TJ’s grasped and crossed his arms, saying, “We’re not holding hands until you tell me what Buffy told you.”

“Babe, do you want me to die?” TJ laughed, taking a quick moment to realize what slipped out of his mouth. Cyrus still had his arms crossed and was walking faster up ahead.

“Calling me nicknames won’t make me break the deal,” Cyrus told him.

“Apple of my eye,” TJ called after him, quickly catching up. “I can’t tell you. She made me promise not to. I can’t break a promise to your best friend.”

“Swear it?” Cyrus asked him, a suspicious look on his face.

TJ held out his pinky and said, “Swear.” Cyrus slowly reached out his pinky and as soon as he linked it with TJ’s, TJ grabbed his hand and pulled him in for a kiss, making them both burst out in a fit of giggles. “God you’re so cute,” TJ told him as he squeezed him in a hug.

“Thanks,” Cyrus smiled, a blush painting his cheeks, “it’s in my genetic code.”

-

It was 8PM when Cyrus’ dad picked him up at the Kippen’s. TJ went outside to meet him, and he thought it went pretty well considering the fact that Macaroni was screaming mew after mew right behind him and he was fighting every ounce of his impulse to kick him. He wouldn’t do that ever of course, but it was the thought that count.

When the car drove off, TJ turned around to see the cat rolling on the grass, making random noises like he had been since Cyrus and him stepped outside. “You’re annoying,” TJ sighed, reaching over to pick up the chubby cat. He had lost a few pounds when he got sick from eating the plastic over the weekend, but his attitude was back to normal. TJ picked up the white and orange cat by the scruff of the neck and looked him in the eyes saying, “I liked you better when you were only home for a few hours.”

“TJ,” his mom screamed from the open kitchen window, “don’t hold him like that!”

“It’s the only way he lets me grab him,” TJ said, before reluctantly tucking Macaroni under his arm and walking inside. He let Macaroni down on the floor, and he quickly ran into the kitchen, almost as if to tell on TJ.

“Did TJ hurt you? Is he being a meanie?” TJ heard his mom ask him.

“Macaroni is being a boyfriend stealer, so we’re equal,” TJ peaked his head into the kitchen where his mom was washing dishes from their meal with Cyrus. Macaroni was rubbing against her legs and letting out more mews. “Why is he being so loud today?”

“He’s just happy,” Pearl laughed. “He really likes Cyrus.”

“Yeah, so do I. He’s not special,” TJ said, the cat getting bored of Pearl and walking over to his food bowl. Macaroni was with Cyrus the entire time that he was there. TJ heard the front door open, and walked back into the living room, finding Amber shutting the door. “Hey, Ambs.”

“Hey,” she said softly, a frown on her face. Something was wrong.

TJ walked up to her and silently asked her, “What’s going on?” He didn’t want their mom to hear.

“Let’s go to your room,” Amber said, taking off her uniform hat. They went upstairs, Amber quickly putting her things at the entrance of her room before moving down the hall to TJ’s. TJ sat down on his bed, and Amber took his desk chair, swiveling to look at him. Macaroni slipped in through the crack of the door and went to lay down on the end of TJ’s bed where him and Cyrus were earlier.

“What happened?” TJ asked her, reaching over slowly to pet the cat. Macaroni looked like he was about to bite at him, but he let him scratch his stomach.

“I told Andi that I liked girls,” Amber sighed, making TJ’s mouth fall open.

“How did she take it?” TJ asked her, looking over at the cat. He didn’t like seeing Amber so upset.

“Pretty well, honestly. I told her after she said that she found out about you and Cy. She gave me a hug, told me she loved me, but you know, in that friendly way. So that’s out of the way.”

“So,” TJ bit his lip, “you’re not going to tell her you like her?” TJ finally looked up at Amber who was braiding the end of her hair.

“No, never,” Amber said, running her finger through the middle of the braid to pull it apart. She started another one and told him, “I’m just going to get over her. I think it’s the best for her.”

“Is it the best for you, though? Keeping that in?”

“Seeing Andi happy will keep me happy. I can’t suddenly burst into her bubble world where things are finally flipping back up. Her and Jonah are fine from what she tells me. I think they’re in the middle of deciding to stay friends or something, so that’s crazy enough. Her friendship with you and Buffy is better than ever. Her parents are getting married. Maybe in the future when we’re just hanging out, I’ll just say, ‘Ha ha, Andi. I used to have a crush on you.’ Then we’ll both laugh about it, and I won’t feel so bad anymore.”

“Amber,” TJ frowned.

“I’ll be fine,” Amber smiled at him, “I am fine. I promise.”

“Fine, but come cuddle with us,” TJ said, reaching over to pick up Macaroni. Surprisingly, Macaroni let him move him around as Amber jumped into the bed, sandwiching the cat between them.

“How are you and Cyrus?”

“Better than ever.”

“See, I’m always right. I told you that you would be fine.”

“Yeah,” TJ smiled, “you did. Thank you.”

“That’s what big sisters are for.”

“You’re going to be fine, too, Ambs.”

Amber let out a small chuckle, “Thanks, Teej.”

-

The weeks passed by quickly, TJ managing to stay atop of his things even with dating Cyrus. School was peaceful from what he thought. The tutoring sessions paid off, and he was able to keep his math grade up to a B to stay on the basketball team. It was one of the biggest worries he had and now, he could enjoy basketball and everyone else around him.

The first home game for the boy’s team was coming up, and Cyrus was going which made him really happy. His parents and Amber couldn’t make it, but they would all be driving out of town to watch his first away game which made him feel a lot better because they were putting in the effort.

“After your game on Friday,” Cyrus asked him as they ate at their Saturday brunch at The Spoon, “want to go over to my house and watch movies?”

“I’m down,” TJ told him, taking a sip of his drink.

“My mom said we’d only be allowed to have sleepovers if it’s at our house and if you stay in the guest room.”

“I’m fine with staying in the guest room as long as it means I actually get to see you past 9PM,” TJ smiled. Cyrus was making TJ into a morning person because most of their dates were early so that they could spend a lot of the day together before Cyrus had to go home. Viktor and Pearl were the ones that always got home after TJ and made jokes about it.

“Perfect,” Cyrus beamed, “I’ll let my mom know that you’re staying over.”

“She likes me, right?” TJ asked him.

Cyrus snorted, “Of course. She’ll probably tell you that you can play the piano all you want while you’re there. Her and Todd are having their bi-weekly date night if not they’d go to your game, too.”

“Just making sure,” TJ smiled. He heard the bell to The Spoon open, and he turned to see Andi and Jonah walk in. The GHC always liked to jump in on TJ and Cyrus’ dates, but both of the boys agreed that they didn’t mind.

“Quick note, they aren’t dating anymore,” Cyrus whispered to him before leaning back into his seat. Before TJ could ask any questions, Andi and Jonah joined them at their booth.

“Can we sit with you guys?” Jonah asked them.

“The more the merrier,” Cyrus said as they took their seats across from each other. “I’m assuming Buffy and Marty will be joining us soon?”

“Yeah, they’re on their way,” Andi nodded. She looked over at TJ, “Boys basketball play home this Friday?”

TJ nodded, “And girls play home on Wednesday.”

“OK, so can see both of you guys play,” Andi smiled, clapping her hands together.

“Wait, you play two games a week?” Cyrus made a face.

“Yeah,” TJ laughed. “Did you think it was just one?”

“Why so many games?” Cyrus sighed. “I will not have a voice by the end of basketball season, I swear.” The group of four continued to chat, Buffy and Marty eventually walking in hand in hand. Cyrus had texted TJ that morning that they were finally official after over a month of making sure they’d be fine. Buffy had called Cyrus and Andi at 2 in the morning apparently.

“There are the two new love birds,” TJ teased them.

Buffy scoffed as she took a seat next to Andi, “Shut it, Vampy.” She had a small smile on her lips. She always did, and it let TJ know they were really friends now.

“Cyrus, when are you becoming a vampire?” Marty asked him.

“I have to wait for the next blood moon,” Cyrus played along. “So far, my parents aren’t liking the idea, but they love TJ, so they’re considering it.”

“I see,” Marty smiled, “I hope you gain immortality soon.”

“Thank you, I appreciate it,” Cyrus said, placing his hand over his heart.

Buffy rolled her eyes, “Gosh, you’re all such dorks.”

“As if you don’t carry a plush garlic in your pocket,” Andi nudged her.

“It’s fun to throw at TJ,” Buffy shrugged. A waiter came by their table to take their order, distracting them all momentarily. TJ was kind of glad Amber wasn’t there or he would’ve yelled that Andi and Jonah broke up. But considering how close Andi and Amber were still, Amber probably already knew and was dancing around the house with Macaroni.

When the waiter walked away, Andi asked Jonah, “Didn’t the doctor just tell you that you were lactose intolerant?”

“Um, yeah,” Jonah shrugged with a smile, “why?”

“Why would you order a milk shake, then?” Andi frowned at him.

“Because it’s made out of milk, not lactose?” Jonah said, everyone at the table immediately taking sharp breaths. TJ sucked in his lips, moving his eyes to look at Cyrus who had his hand over his mouth. TJ gave him a knowing smile before they all burst out into laughter.

-

The game was almost over, and Cyrus, Andi, and Jonah were at the basketball game, their foot stomping on the gym’s read bleachers, rarely sitting down on such an exciting game. They were tired, and they had been for the last few minutes. Cyrus was starting to understand basketball a little more and watching his favorite boy run up and down the court made it a lot better.

“Go TJ!” Cyrus cheered when they put TJ back into the game. He had only sent him air kisses when he was benched because once he was on the court, he was another TJ. He reminded Cyrus of the TJ that had gotten him the chocolate chip muffin, the one that didn’t know how to apologize and refused to help anyone, including himself. That TJ was now a team player, and every single one of his teammates trusted him.

There were 4 seconds left in the game and TJ had the ball, Cyrus’ eyes not moving from his boyfriend as he clenched his own fists tightly in front of him, watching TJ shoot the ball from the three-point line. All the other boys from the other team starting to jump to block it from making it in, Sam and Gustavo who were near TJ watching it intently as if it were moving slowly.

TJ scored.

Cyrus jumped up, pumping his fists in the air and screaming along with Andi and Jonah. All the boys on the JMS team starting to cheer and surround TJ while everyone else on the bleachers stood up in uproar. Cyrus felt himself able to breathe and be happy as spotted the big smile on TJ’s face- his favorite smile.

I never regret the things that I'm giving

They're easy to give when you're in love

I'm happy to do whatever I do for you

TJ looked over at the bleachers where he saw Cyrus, somehow smiling even wider once they made eye contact. TJ started running in the direction of the bleachers and without thinking twice, Cyrus started running down, moving through the tight spaces between people to jump in TJ’s arms and kiss him. They were both blocking out the sound of everyone around them- only their beating hearts and the music inside their minds playing in that moment between them.

For you maybe I'm a fool

But it's fun

People say you rule me with one wave of your hand

Darling, it's grand

They just don't understand

Living for you is easy living

It's easy to live when you're in love

And I'm so in love

There's nothing in life but you

-

“I’m exhausted,” TJ mumbled as he and Cyrus snuggled up on the Goodman’s living room couch. His hair was wet because Cyrus had refused to cuddle with him until he was clean even though he didn’t seem to have a response to TJ’s, ‘You kissed me while I was all sweaty in front of the entire school and administration.’

Meanwhile, Cyrus had heated them the dinner his mom had left for them to eat before she got there. Now, they were wrapped in two blankets, watching a documentary on creatures that used to live in the sea. It was their favorite topic, and they were slowly running out of documentaries. Cyrus really needed to get TJ into dinosaurs soon.

“You did great today,” Cyrus told him, his head on his shoulder. He had probably told him that four times already, but he kept repeating it, TJ not seeming to mind.

“Thank you. I had you cheering for me,” TJ smiled, planting a kiss on top of his head.

“We’re not going to get in trouble for that kiss, right?” Cyrus asked him.

“No. You should write an article about it for the school’s journal,” TJ snickered.

“I would like to not be suspended, thank you very much,” Cyrus laughed along. “Yearbook club probably got a good photo. I should ask around.”

“Maybe,” TJ yawned. “How did we get so lucky?”

“I wish I knew. Other people could use the formula,” Cyrus told him, reaching over to hold his hand.

“Yeah,” TJ smiled at the comment, “they could.”

“TJ,” Cyrus said, interlocking their fingers.

“Hmm?” TJ mumbled into Cyrus’ hair.

“Do you think things will always stay this way?”

TJ raised an eyebrow, “How?”

“Peaceful. Nice. I don’t know how to describe it. Nothing big is going on. We’re just together, getting through every day. I don’t know if that makes sense,” Cyrus chattered.

“It does,” TJ assured him.

“So,” Cyrus paused for a few seconds before asking again, “do you think they will?”

“Maybe,” TJ bit his lips, “maybe things will be scary again later on, but I know things will always stay this way- especially between us.”

“All the time?” Cyrus turned to him.

TJ reached up with his free thumb to press it on the mole on Cyrus’ cheek, “All the time,” he said, before reaching over to kiss him.

They both knew that there was nothing to be scared of anymore. There was only music to listen to.

Living for you is easy living

It's easy to live when you're in love

And I'm so in love

There's nothing in life but you

Chapter Text

It had been over seven months since TJ first started C.C.C.M., its eighteen songs with their chords and lyrics each engraved in TJ and Cyrus’ minds. It’s been six months since TJ and Cyrus sat at their favorite swing set and decided to cast away all of their fears and be boyfriends. Five months since everyone at JMS and their families found out that TJ made Cyrus the happiest person alive and vice versa. It had been ten minutes since TJ told Cyrus he was ready to go through his great grandfather’s things in the attic- his GG.

The boys were sitting on the Kippen’s new living room couch that was already covered in cat hair when TJ pulled up the idea out of nowhere.

“You’re ready?” Cyrus smiled at him, knowing that it had been years since those items had started collecting dust up there. He had gone with TJ’s family to visit his GG’s grave on the third year anniversary of his death, clearly pleasing TJ’s Nana. She liked Cyrus better than Viktor by a whole lot.

“Yeah,” TJ nodded, standing up. “Let’s go see what weird things my GG left me.”

“Is it going to be more music stuff?” Cyrus asked him as they passed by the white piano to go upstairs. Macaroni who was sleeping on top of it quickly jumped off to follow them.

“I don’t think so,” TJ said as the went to the end of the hall. He jumped up and grabbed the string that would bring down the ladder, dust immediately dropping down on the boys as it opened. They both started coughing into their shirts as TJ went into his room to grab a flashlight, leaving Cyrus and curious Macaroni behind. “Alright, let’s go up,” TJ said, starting to climb up the ladder. He yelled down, “There’s a light switch. Let me see if it still works.” Cyrus waited with Macaroni by his feet until he saw the light go on. “Babe, do you need help getting up here?” TJ asked from somewhere in the attic.

Cyrus was already climbing up the ladder as he said, “No, thanks. I’m fine.” Cyrus reached the top to find his boyfriend opening a box. There were boxes everywhere, a lone corduroy couch gathering dust in the corner and an old black pet bed right next to it. There was a cage stacked on top of other things. Cyrus was wondering what TJ had been avoiding all these years.

“I found photo albums,” TJ announced. “They look really old. Should I go through them at the end?”

“Yes or you’ll get distracted,” Cyrus nodded, walking up to him.

“Okay,” TJ said, simply opening up a cover of the first album of the box. He gasped, “Okay I have to go through at least one. He looks so young in these.” Cyrus smiled as TJ set the box down and took out the album. TJ sat down on the floor where Cyrus sat down next to him as he flipped slowly through pages.

“You need to cut your nails,” Cyrus said as he watched TJ’s fingers flip through the sticking pages.

“I know,” TJ sighed, “I keep forgetting to.” TJ turned to a page where there was a large portrait of his GG, smiling at the camera with who he assumed to be his older sister behind him.

“Wow, he looks so much like you,” Cyrus commented. “Your Nana wasn’t lying.”

“I’ve been told,” TJ smiled, changing to another page. Then he paused. Neither nor Cyrus were breathing anymore. They both saw it. TJ reached out slowly, moving the old plastic from the covering the photograph and pulled it out, almost scared it would fall into dust particles at the touch of his hand. TJ turned it around and read it out loud, “Paul and Brian’s Union Ceremony 1954.” It was his GG and two men in tuxes in someone’s backyard, a bunch of people filling up fold up chairs. It looked like a very unorganized and hidden wedding. TJ looked down and flipped through the album, finding more photos of the union ceremony.

“Did your GG ever mention having gay friends?” Cyrus asked him.

“Paul was his best friend. He died in the 90s. GG didn’t like to talk about him because he’d get sad, but his kids still visited my GG,” TJ told him. TJ’s mouth fell open, “That’s why his kids didn’t look like him. I thought it was just because he looked old in the photos I saw. Wait,” TJ said, sliding the photo he was holding back in. “Here,” he pointed at a picture of a corner of two little kids with a teenage version of his Nana. “I think those were Brian’s kids before he got with Paul. They look a lot more like him. That’s Brianna and Alicia. They would send us Christmas gifts sometimes.”

“Do you think your Nana would tell you everything if you asked?”

“Yeah, she should,” TJ happily said, a huge smile on his lips, “but you know what this means, Cyrus?”

“What?”

“My GG wouldn’t have cared if I was gay,” he said, tears seeming to fill up the edge of his eyes. “He wouldn’t have cared if I was with you.”

“TJ,” Cyrus reached over to cup his face, “are you crying?”

“It’s just dusty,” TJ laughed, his eyes getting redder by the second.

“Your GG was always going to love you, no matter what,” Cyrus told him, pressing his forehead against his. TJ took in a deep breath and exhaled, the grin never leaving his face. “TJ, can I tell you something right now?” TJ looked up, his green eyes staring in Cyrus’ brown ones, his face being held the entire time. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

TJ smiled, putting his hands on top of Cyrus’, “I’m falling in love with you, too, Cyrus.” Cyrus grinned, leaning in to kiss TJ, the dust on their noses being swept off. TJ knew he was young, but he also knew that in a few decades, his life with Cyrus would be forever captured with polaroid pictures inside of albums.

Behind him, across vast piles of memorabilia and relics, from the memories he'd thought he could never back to, he thought he heard music too. But perhaps, it was only the sound of his great grandfather humming inside of his head.

Chapter Text

TJ ran down the hall, pushing by students who couldn’t get out of his way fast enough. It was the last day of middle school, and everyone was lingering behind to say goodbye to their friends who might go to a different high school. TJ had been doing the same before remembering he had promised Cyrus he would meet him up front.

Cyrus was standing with Buffy and Marty, laughing at something one of them said when TJ caught up. “Hi,” TJ told him, bending over to catch his breath. “Sorry I’m late. I forgot how fast time can go.”

“It’s fine.” Cyrus smiled. “I wasn’t going to leave without you.” Cyrus reached over to hold TJ’s hand, making him smile.

Buffy said to Cyrus with a grin, “So yard sale?” Cyrus’s neighborhood had a large yard sale once a year, and they chose the last day of school to do it. Cyrus’ parents invited all of them to take their things to sell.

“Yes! Come by with anything you want to get rid of,” Cyrus replied. “I’m so excited. It feels like a cleanse and the first step into high school.”

“Can’t wait,” Buffy said. “I’m going to stop by home first for my stuff, pick up Andi, and meet you guys there.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Cyrus said and gave her a thumbs up. They said bye to Marty and Buffy who walked off holding hands, leaving TJ with his boyfriend. Cyrus turned to look at him and asked, “So. Did you think about it?”

TJ bit at the inside of his cheek for a moment. “I did.”

“And?”

“I think I’m going to sell them.”

Cyrus jumped up. “Yes? Really?”

“Just the repeats!” TJ smiled, taking a step back to avoid getting stepped on.

“Yes, that’s amazing. That’s perfect. The people in the neighborhood are going to love you,” Cyrus said. “We’ll look up the value of every single one before we set them out.”

“Already did that. That’s actually the reason why I decided to sell them.”

“Are they worth a lot?”

“Not as much as the cameras would be, but it’s a decent amount of money to pay for basketball camp.” TJ and Cyrus started walking away from their now former middle school, not looking back.

“How long would you be gone for?” Cyrus asked him.

“Three weeks. We can handle that, right?” TJ asked him, squeezing his hand. The coach at Grant High School recommended he go to basketball camp to secure a spot on the varsity team the next year, but it was a little pricey even with both of his parents working at the time.

“Of course.” Cyrus squeezed his hands back, smiling at him. “Let’s go get your things.” After going through his GG’s stuff for the first time, TJ realized there was a lot of valuable items that included comic books and vinyls. He was letting go of all the comic books because he wasn’t interested in that, but he didn’t have the desire to let go of any music. There was more vinyl’s in the attic than he realized and even though he didn’t have a player, he wanted them for the day he did have one.

Cyrus was talking to TJ about his last day of dance and how he wasn’t looking forward to regular PE at all as they headed to the Kippen’s house. “I need to have PE with Buffy at all costs next year. If not, I’ll definitely get picked last for every team.”

“You’re already stressed out for PE next year?” TJ snickered. He knew Cyrus well enough at this point to know his fear of public humiliation in PE was insurmountable “You need to relax a little. It’s summer break.”

“I know, but I tend to plan every minute of my future and PE is an inevitable part of it.”

“Let’s make a deal. You put off thinking about PE until a month before school, and I’ll let you be there when I get my report card in the mail.” TJ liked to open his report card alone considering he has done really bad in math in the past, but Cyrus really wanted to see how much TJ had improved now that he had a proper tutor.

Cyrus hummed to himself before saying, “Deal. But only because I can’t wait to see the look on your face when you see how well you did.”

“My C average does bring out my best smile.”

“All of your smiles are your best smiles.”

“You literally told me my dancing to old music is my best smile.”

“It’s a little biased because you dance with me.”

“It does make me smile when you slow dance with me,” TJ admitted to him. Cyrus smiled, blushing at the comment and making TJ’s heart skip a beat. There hadn’t been a single day where TJ doubted his feelings for him.

They got to the Kippen’s empty house, Macaroni the cat waiting in the yard. He was jumping after a grasshopper before he saw Cyrus and TJ come up. He ran to Cyrus and meowed, making him grin. “Hello, friend,” Cyrus said as he bent over to pick him up.

“Needy,” TJ muttered to Macaroni as he roughly petted his ears. Macaroni swatted at TJ who pulled his hand away on time.

Cyrus held Macaroni closer and said, “You have to be gentle with him. He’s old.”

“He’s okay,” TJ said, sticking his tongue out at the cat. He went to go unlock the door while Cyrus asked Macaroni about his day. The cat simply purred in his arms.

Inside, Cyrus put him down and followed TJ without asking upstairs to his room, little footprints tapping against the wood floors. Cyrus felt like the Kippen’s gothic house was his second home. It was Halloween themed according to his parents, but he liked the charm it gave off. TJ’s parents were younger than his after all and when the air was clear, it was fun to be there.

TJ had two boxes on the floor ready to go. “Can you take the vinyl one? It’s lighter,” TJ asked Cyrus as he picked up a box.

“For sure,” Cyrus said. He got the box and looked around the room that seemed to be more crowded as TJ dug out things from the attic. It made Cyrus smile every time TJ called him with a new discovery. A new photo album from the 70s. More polaroid photos he took of TJ and Amber when they were little. A random trinket TJ thought was cool. One time he didn’t find anything of his GG’s. He found a bunch of new t-shirts from his dad’s old band and a few CD’s TJ couldn’t stop laughing at for an hour. His dad was in makeup that really did make him look like a vampire.

Cyrus said goodbye to Macaroni who rubbed against his leg before walking out with TJ and walking down to his house. Around the block, people already had their yard sales open and people from all over Shadyside were visiting there. Even though TJ lived so close to him, his neighborhood seemed to be a completely different world from his. TJ didn’t know his next door neighbors, and he had just found out a month ago that Marty had lived across the street from him practically his entire life.

They got to Cyrus’ house where his parents had set out tables. Cyrus’ old toys and clothes were out and ready to go to new homes. He gave up most of his children’s books, but he kept a few favorites just in case he ever had kids to read them to one day. “You’re selling all your Pokemon cards?” TJ asked him as he set his box on an empty table.

“There will be someone who appreciates them more.” Cyrus then added, “They’re also fake.”

“Dollar store packets?” TJ smiled knowingly.

“Yes!” Cyrus laughed. “I always wondered why the ones at Kmart were more expensive and now I know why.”

“They were still fun to play with, though.”

“I honestly never learned how to play with them,” Cyrus admitted. “I just liked looking at them.”

“That’s me with my vinyl records right now,” TJ said. “I opened every single one of them because some had notes and receipts from GG. Some silly stuff like saying to pick up my grandma from school or just lists of other singers.” Cyrus stared at TJ as he set out the records, wondering if now was the time to give him what he just bought him. He wanted to hold out for his birthday but watching TJ talk about the vinyl’s made him realize how much listening to that music meant to him.

“There’s actually something I want to give you,” Cyrus said.

“Now?” TJ raised an eyebrow.

“Think of it as the first part of your birthday present.”

“First part? Of my birthday present? My birthday that’s in July?”

“Yes. Yes. Yes,” Cyrus nodded. “So, do you want it or not?”

“Can it be the only gift you give me?” TJ asked him.

“Of course not. The other thing is on its way already.”

“Oh god, Cyrus. You really didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Says the guy that gave me a present everyday of the week leading up to my birthday.” TJ smiled, Cyrus knowing that he finally got him to give in.

“Fine. Surprise me.”

Cyrus took TJ’s hand. “Come on! I can’t wait for you to see it.” Cyrus led TJ inside his house where they walked past his parents, TJ barely able to say a full hello to them. They went into his room where Cyrus let go of his hand and dug through his t-shirt drawer where he pulled out a wrapped present.

“You already wrapped it?” TJ asked, smiling as Cyrus handed him the box.

“Had to be ready just in case you ever found it.”

“You’re the one that snoops through my things, not me,” TJ reminded him.

“Just open in,” Cyrus said impatiently. TJ put the present on the bed and started ripping the wrapper. With a single tear down the middle, TJ knew what it was and gasped.

“Cyrus,” he whispered. “You really shouldn’t have.”

“I wanted to. Really badly.” TJ finished unwrapping the green record player and held out the box in his hands, staring at it in awe. “Now you can listen to everything your GG left you.”

“Yeah,” TJ said with a smile. “I really can.” He put the box down and went over to face Cyrus. “Thank you so much.” TJ bent down and kissed him, both smiling into the kiss.

“You are very welcome.”

TJ held onto Cyrus’ hand and told him, “Let’s go play some music.”