Work Text:
2017 April; junior year university
Wonwoo grimaced slightly as he closed the worn out notebook from his childhood days. His kid self was special wasn't he. He couldn’t help but long for the old days where he had time to write diary entries everyday, nowadays he barely had enough time to feed himself. The boy let a huff of air leave his lips and scratched his dark and most likely unwashed hair before letting his eyes fall back to the notes placed in front of him which he was supposed to be revising. Why did he think doing double majors was a good idea again? His professors loved doing this thing where they all agreed on a specific week to put all the crucial tests, just to make people with performance anxiety, like Wonwoo, have an everlasting mental breakdown.
At the moment Wonwoo was trying to prepare himself for tests in literature, psychology and math so his brain at the moment was nothing more than a mess of Harper Lee, Pavlov and calculus. The sky had already faded to a burning orange, the moon popping out and the thin crack of light under his door flickered to black. The clock had ticked away past 2 AM and Wonwoo might’ve gotten a bit off track when he found his old, or more like ancient, diary. He was content about finding it though, it was nice remembering the weeks he found his best friends. Granted, at the moment they were both at a party without Wonwoo probably getting wasted. He had a small amount of hope for Hansol, their sophmore friend, who was the assigned driver for the night. He might manage to keep the others somewhat in check.
The reason Wonwoo was at home and not at the party wasn’t necessarily that he hadn’t been invited. Mingyu had asked Wonwoo to come, like he always did but Wonwoo had kindly declined, like he always did. Parties wasn’t his “thing” and furthermore he does have three tests Satan has decided to send his way.
Wonwoo pushed his circular glasses higher up on his nose again, the silver frames reflecting the pale white beams coming from outside the window. He cast a glance outside at the moon hanging high in the sky. The stars surrounding her twinkled a few times and Wonwoo smiled back at them, comforted by the black and silver cloak of the night. A sudden urge to grab a book just to read a bit under the canopy made itself known, but Wonwoo pushed them down.
He instead dove back into his psychology notes one last time before he’d call it a night. However, he didn’t get further than halfway through some incredibly irrelevant details about Abraham H. Maslow when a loud bang suddenly reverberated around his small dorm. Living in a single dorm had many perks, except for situations like this.
Wonwoo hesitantly turned his head to sleepily gaze at the moonlit door. Hopefully he had just imagined the sound, it wouldn’t have been the first time he’d hallucinated something as a consequence from sleep deprivation. The sound however was unfortunately not only in his head as it was heard again, this time followed by someone cursing lowly under their breath. At this point Wonwoo was beginning to get scared. He viewed himself as a fairly rational person but he was certain this wasn’t some girl scouts trying to sell him cookies. No, this was it. He was going to die. At the young age of 22 and the final thing he did before his death was studying. Wonwoo tensed in his seat, his feet slowly leaving the cold floor as he pulled his knees up to his chest trying to make himself as tiny as possible (which wasn’t easy with his size). Rattling and clicking echoed through his dorm from outside the door before a key was turned and- wait, robbers/kidnappers doesn’t possess any keys to Wonwoo’s dorm? The next moment Wonwoo’s door is swung open and he doesn’t have any more time to ponder over it.
A slight creaking sound can be heard followed by the white noise coming from the buzzing campus. A bus driving by, a crow screeching and a couple discussing harshly. Revealed behind the grey wooden door is a tall creature with tanned skin and friendly deep brown eyes, resembling the ones of a puppy. Intoxicated seems to be an adjective suitable for him as well when the giant breaks into a dazed and content grin, voice shaking the four walls of Wonwoo’s tiny dorm as he wails.
“Woowoooooooo!” (note the mispronunciation, the younger always calls Wonwoo that when he’s wasted. Wonwoo hasn’t had the energy to correct him)
Widening his arms as much possible and stomping forward like an overgrown toddler, Mingyu makes his merry way towards Wonwoo. The older boy shoots up from his chair to catch the giant who’s terrifyingly close to falling and breaking his face. He deserves it for scaring Wonwoo to death but he’s not so sure he’d be able to convince the cops about that.
Mingyu enveloped him in his large embrace, squeezing the air out of the startled boy. Wonwoo’s face was buried in Mingyu’s shoulder and though he should feel a rather strong odor of alcohol he could merely feel Mingyu’s intoxicating smell of mint and cinnamon, the scent later lingering in the air like kite tails. Memories from the day Wonwoo came out to his parents and Mingyu had comforted him flashed by without Wonwoo’s consent. The two had fallen asleep together in Wonwoo’s tiny bed, limbs tangled to make the fit and the elder’s head was tucked neatly under Mingyu’s chin as the younger’s shirt was being steadily drenched by his salty tears. Wonwoo has pushed the memory deep down, locked it into the subconscious part of his brain but for some reason Mingyu was wearing the same cologne he had used when he was thirteen this night. The younger was a mystery that Wonwoo never would be able to solve.
When Mingyu finally pulled back Wonwoo was certain he wasn’t getting any more studying done, for Mingyu had put on the same face he always used when he wanted something from the older boy (spoiler, it worked every damn time, so what Wonwoo was weak for puppy eyes sue him).
“What do you need Mingyu?” Wonwoo sighed feigning exasperation and Mingyu shot out his lower lip sulkily, eyes drooping downwards and his forehead creasing. Wonwoo tried to keep his ground, at least for a little while but the other was making it near impossible.
“Who’s saying I need anything? Can’t I just visit my bestie?” Mingyu huffed and looked up with big glossy eyes. Who except from twelve year old girls and Mingyu used the word bestie? Wonwoo let himself smile slightly, he was acting like a child and it was endearing to say the least.
“Of course you can, but it’s 2 AM Friday night. And you brought a pillow. You got sexiled by Jun again didn’t you? Where did you even get the pillow?” Wonwoo raised his eyebrows at the other while gesturing to the pillow Mingyu had tried, and miserably failed, to hide under his shirt. Mingyu gave him a sheepish grin, averting his eyes.
“Ah… You know me too well. And the pillow was outside the door with this note on it!”
Mingyu talked with a big dumb grin on his face and suddenly begun searching all of his pockets for the infamous note he was about to blow Wonwoo’s mind with. Meanwhile Wonwoo did his best at not letting his mind float towards Mingyu’s annoyingly disheveled hair. He was broken out of his slight trance when said boy suddenly sniffed and Wonwoo’s eyes snapped up to meet Mingyu’s which were now glossed over with a set of tears about to fall and roll down his tan cheeks.
“I lost it Wonwoo, that was the nicest note I’ve ever gotten! He even gave me a little heart!” Mingyu’s body rocked vigoriously as he sobbed and threw himself at Wonwoo again, wrapping himself around the shorter like a koala. Yup, no more psychology for Wonwoo. He sighed and rubbed the other’s back while slowly reaching the other arm out to turn off the light at his desk and moving them both towards the bed. This was beginning to feel like a routine for him.
“Mingyu, you can stay here for the night but you need to let me go, you’re too heavy” Wonwoo groaned when he faced severe difficulties in getting into the bed with Mingyu tightly clutching his body. After a few seconds of the younger whimpering he was finally released and Mingyu took a step back wiping his eyes like a child, a pout still on his face. Wonwoo gave him a tired but amused smile and they slowly fitted themselves into Wonwoo’s tiny bed, face to face with next to no space between them. Mingyu had now finally stopped crying and was instead playing softly with Wonwoo’s hair. His fingers ran through the locks of velvet black, twirling them around his fingers like lengths of liquorice. Wonwoo tried his hardest to not doze of with Mingyu’s breath smelling of vodka blowing across his cheeks. He could just barely make out the youngers configuration in the dark as his eyes dropped and shot open again repeatedly but he could see the content smile that was playing on the others lips. The dorm was quiet except for both of their heavy breaths and Wonwoo’s heartbeats echoing through his ears. It was a delicate silence, Wonwoo was dreading the moment the slightest sound would be heard and the world would go back to buzzing of life, like it had been awakened from its slight nap. His eyes flickered back and forth between Mingyu’s left and right eye, both intensely scanning Wonwoo’s face. Other best friends didn’t do this right? Junhui didn’t usually look this long at Wonwoo’s lips, right?
“You know, you might be the softest person I know, but when you don’t wear glasses and style your hair you might be the hottest and that should be illegal”
Mingyu abruptly broke Wonwoo’s internal trauma by muttering, voice raspy as if he had just woken up. Wonwoo tried his best to mentally force the blood that was languidly rushing to his ears and cheeks back down and snorted at the other.
“Yeah, yeah it should be illegal for Jun to get so much dick too but here we are” Wonwoo rolled his eyes with a small smile and Mingyu giggled excitedly. Another thing that should be illegal.
“You don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl this time!” Mingyu laughed, eyes gleaming with giddiness. The younger seemed to thankfully be sobering up a bit and Wonwoo allowed himself to relax. He turned around to let his back face Mingyu as he could finally sleep without worrying about the gigant making his way out of bed and causing unintentional ruckus out on the streets.
“Good night Mingyu” He whispered with heavy eyelids closing and opening as he fought the sleep that would inevitably come now that Mingyu’s large frame was encasing him with warmth. He ignored the chill that went down his spine when Mingyu nuzzled his face into the nape of his neck, forcing himself to deem the answer absolutely not when he wondered if that was Mingyu’s lips he felt peck his neck.
“Sweet dreams Woo, love you” The last part was said with the worst attempt at a cute baby voice Wonwoo had ever heard, but since it was Mingyu it still made warmth blossom like spring flowers inside his chest and he giggled sweetly.
“Love you too Gyu”
Wonwoo was currently seated in his usual spot in the back off the classroom sipping strawberry milk from the cartoon he got in the cafeteria during lunch. Their professor was late as usual so everyone around him was all over the place chatting, running or just generally acting like kindergarteners. Wonwoo occupied himself with staring out the window, gazing at the canvas of turquoise with patches of creamy meringue. Apart from the sky, summer in South Korea meant green, everywhere. Trees swaying slowly back and forth, hypnotizing Wonwoo to keep his gaze at them. They seemed to be calling out to him, begging him to come out and read under the soothing shade of their branches. Had he done the same as Soonyoung, deciding sleep was worth more than a passing grade, he’d probably already been there in the grass, slightly damp from the morning mist. There was just this teensy tiny problem with fear of failure that haunted him, keeping him from skipping a class even though he’d do just fine regardless.
Since Soonyoung hadn’t bothered showing up for this class, Wonwoo was left alone with the morons also in this course since God knows where Junhui was. He should be worried for his elder, but when this happened every other week he simply came to the conclusion that Junhui had better stuff to do.
His glasses slipped slightly off his nose as he melted away in the early June sun since he refused to wear anything other than oversized sweaters no matter the season. What can he say, he feels comfortable being able to drag the soft fabric over his chilly hands. He felt warm and safe, as if nothing could hurt him. Not even his own chaotic mind.
“The professor’s 15 minutes late we’re legally allowed to leave now!” Some guy shouted over all the commotion only to get mocked by his friend putting his hands on his hips imitating him scornfully. Wonwoo fought back the overwhelming urge to roll his eyes so far back into his head they’d never return to their original position when suddenly someone slammed their hand down on his desk while another person plopped themselves down on the chair beside him. He heard a low chuckle and his whole body went rigid as he sipped a bit harder on the straw to his drink, the liquid making a slurping sound back.
“Hey” The person in front of him called lightly making Wonwoo if possible even more uncomfortable. He was never one to voluntarily socialize with others who weren’t his friends. To be fair he did try but the whole “quiet emo kid” reputation he had gotten thanks to his somewhat stoic appearance combined with his -50 social skills made it incredibly difficult. Mingyu always told him he had a great smile but he was to shy to actually try initiating a conversation with confidence like Jun and Mingyu did. Those two were like social butterflies always surrounded by the fluttering attention of others thanks to their impeccable social skills, kind appearances and bright personalities which was something Wonwoo would always envy.
However, when Wonwoo rose his gaze from his now sweater clad hands clutching the carton containing his drink to look at the person who decided to talk to him out of all people he understood this was not some attempt at making friends. In front of him stood a tall, though not as tall as Wonwoo himself, boy with dirty blonde hair and muddy eyes. Not only in color but in appearance as well which was a new level of disturbing.
A tremor sneaked its way down Wonwoo’s spine. He’d unfortunately seen him before in the hallways, always watching his every move. Oh how he wished his friends weren’t lazy fucks who refused to go class. They usually told him off when the stares got too creepy but no one were here to save him now and Wonwoo was too reserved to gain the courage to tell him off by himself.
Wonwoo didn’t greet the boy, merely gave him the blankest stare he could muster for once being grateful for his otherwise useless talent. He was hoping he looked intimidating but the boy just kept scrutinizing him for a while, looking like he was picking every aspect of him face apart. Wonwoo could feel the other boy, whom he had still refrained from taking a look at, gaze at him intensely. Suddenly the blonde in front of him reached forward while licking his chapped lips and grabbed Wonwoo’s glasses from his nose. Wonwoo flinched and a look of panic was probably present on his face for a split second before he resumed his blank stare. He could under no circumstances let the boy know he was even remotely intimidated even though he in fact thought he was going to die. He seemed to have failed however since said boy chuckled again and a smirk grew on his thin lips.
“You’re even cuter up close, don’t you agree Jinhan?” He said smugly while dangling Wonwoo’s glasses back and forth between his thumb and index finger. Wonwoo’s heart clenched with panic every time it seemed as the glasses would slip and shatter across the ground. The other boy, Jinhan, nodded from the corner of Wonwoo’s eye and now he knew exactly what their intentions were. Waves of panic washed through his body, his resistance crumbling like a forgotten sandcastle at the beach. His hands went clammy, eyes darting around the room to catch someone’s attention but to no avail.
“I’m sure you know this, but I’ve been watching you for a while. And I’ve come to a conclusion” Wonwoo still didn’t say a word, just prayed that they would leave him alone while trying his best to not fidgeted with his sleeves. Don’t show any signs of weakness.
“You, are the most obvious twink I’ve ever laid my eyes on” The boy suddenly continued while leaning way too far into Wonwoo’s personal space sending chills, not good ones like when Mingyu nuzzled into him yesterday, really bad ones that made an overwhelming urge to flee wash through his body. He was however frozen and merely trembled a bit in his seat doing his best at not scrunching his eyes shut in pure panic. The odor of petrol and cigarettes filled the space around him, infiltrating his senses making him see black dots for a few seconds.
Being openly gay had granted him many different names from other students, all of them meant to hurt him in one way or another but this one was new. The boy placed a slender finger under Wonwoo’s chin and lifted it up to inspect him and Wonwoo swallowed thickly as he avoided eye contact. Under other circumstances he might’ve been flattered that someone was willing to talk to him, moreover flirt but something about that dark look in the boy’s eyes told him he was the type who wouldn’t accept a no and was willing to do anything to get what he wanted. That thought chilled him to the bone as he finally turned to look at Jinhan who was located beside him. He knew it was probably useless but still desperately gave him a pleading look. It was beyond his understanding how they were daring enough to do this in the middle of the classroom but came to the conclusion that this was their only chance since Wonwoo spent every other moment of the day with either one of his small circle of friends or in his dorm. He once again damned Jun and Soonyoung to hell for skipping class when suddenly a large hand was slammed down onto his poor desk again, he was convinced there’d be hole in it soon.
The boy whose name he was yet to learn flinched back and dropped Wonwoo’s glasses to the floor, giving the intruder a glare. Wonwoo dared to flicker his eyes up from the box of strawberry milk tightly pressed in his grip, the sides crushed inwards from how hard he had been squeezing it. He peeked at the newcomer, relief washing through him when he realized who had come to his rescue.
“Mingyu” Fell from his lips in alleviation. Said boy leaned down to pick up the elders glasses and while wiping them carefully on his shirt gave the disturbing boy a glare filled with rage intended to intimidate the way shorter male. To Wonwoo this looked like a child getting mad at its mother for not buying them the toy they wanted, but that was because he knew Mingyu which the other two obviously didn’t. They scrambled away over to their original seats and Wonwoo released a breath he didn’t notice he was holding. He looked back up at Mingyu just as the brunette placed his circular glasses back on his nose and the world finally went back into full focus.
“What are you doing here?” Wonwoo mumbled lowly as he fought down the weird feeling in his stomach yet again and looked at Mingyu while beginning to slurp the last bit of strawberry milk that was left.
“I don’t have any more classes for the day so I was going to wait for you guys outside when I noticed the door was open and that guy bothering you” Mingyu begun with a smile that gradually turned upside down into a frown as he recalled his events.
“You guys don’t have a professor? Why don’t we get out of here, we can go to the library so you can finally borrow that book you wanted?” Mingyu proposed with a quirk of his lips when Wonwoo stayed quiet. Wonwoo gave it some thought before reculantly nodding. The library with Mingyu did sound great, a lot better then this at least. Mingyu flashed a bright smile just barely showing off his canines before grabbing Wonwoo’s wrist to pull him out the classroom while Wonwoo’s straw made a slurping sound indicating his drink was finished.
The life of Jeon Wonwoo was nothing special. Others might’ve deemed it as rather boring; going to school, studying, reading then sleeping. But the thing that gave Wonwoo’s life meaning other than books (and strawberry milk, that shit is God’s gift to man) was his friends. They brought the excitement into his life and at the same time made him question his entire existence and life choices by dragging him into situations like this one.
For once Wonwoo had agreed to Mingyu’s pleas for him to come to this party but he was seriously regretting his decision. Damn Mingyu and his shiny puppy eyes, he knew it was a mistake to look up from his novel when the gigant sat down in front of him in the library a few hours prior to his current situation. The result of giving in was the scene in front of him; Hansol passed out in a bush, Soonyoung screaming lyrics to girl group songs while drunkenly trying to do the choreographies and somehow nailing it, Seungcheol hitting on a lamp post, Jun had disappeared of with some girl about an hour ago and Mingyu had gone missing. It was that last part that worried Wonwoo the most, he hadn’t seen the taller male in about an hour and the others were to no help. Soonyoung had switched to screaming Twice’s “Ooh Ahh” while rolling his hips over and over again gaining looks from the people around them but thankfully no one told them off. Wonwoo sighed for the nth time that day as he tried to call Mingyu for the millionth time. Had it not been for the youngest of the group passed out in the bush a few meters from him he would’ve took off on his own to find the drunken tanned male probably wondering the streets all alone, but he just couldn’t leave Hansol. He knew the other three would probably be fine but Hansol looked like he didn’t even know his own name. When Mingyu’s answering machine picked up again Wonwoo let a frustrated groan and turned to help Hansol out of the bushes. Suddenly though he heard footsteps and happy humming he abruptly let go off Hansol who fell back down into the bush with a dazed groan. Wonwoo whipped around and was met by Mingyu... and about 12 puppies…?
“What the fuck…” The elder cried out and rubbed his temples. This merely gained a bright ass smile from the idiot he called his friend which he was currently deeply pondering over why.
“Look! I found these babies in a box on the side of the road, someone had just left them there!” Mingyu exclaimed with eyes illuminated by happiness as he reached Wonwoo who pinched his nose before giving the younger a blank stare intended to make him understand how much of an idiot he was currently being. The former however merely picked up one of the puppies from the box, cooing at it while petting the small ball of fluff. Wonwoo wasn’t completely heartless, in fact it was currently doing backflips and pirouettes in his ribcage. He wanted nothing more than to pick one up, adopt it and dedicate his life to it, but he needed to be rational (an unfortunate regular occurance in Wonwoo’s life). They were college kids, they could barely support themselves and even less twelve god damn puppies. Wonwoo knew he had to break these news to Mingyu sooner or later but for now he just released a sigh and let a small smile graze his lips before picking one of them up to pet it. He’d deal with this shit later, for now he just wanted to pet homeless puppies in the middle of the night on a sidewalk with his best friend and all his other friends being fucking morons, you know, like all friends do.
Wonwoo truly didn’t know when it begun, but now that he pondered upon it he realized the thoughts had lingered in the outskirts of his mind for quite some time now. He gnawed anxiously at the pen in his hand, a rather bad habit he had picked up on going into collage which had brought server stress upon him and thereby causing him to develop the act, as he gazed at the auburn and black haired males across the room. Wonwoo was as usual, trying to study, while his friends was, as usual, doing seemingly everything in their power to stop the poor boy from doing so. This time however, Wonwoo was not annoyed because of some impish distractions. No, he felt annoyed at the way Mingyu’s inky irises gleamed with utter amusement as he quipped back at Jun for his snide remarks. The eldest of their small group of close friends was not unfamiliar with teasing the will to live out of his youngers and they both had different reactions to the imps pestering and suggestive remarks. Wonwoo would usually roll his eyes in feigned annoyance while Mingyu, the sweet naive child would laugh at Jun’s witty behavior not aware of the fact that it irked the elder to keep up with his antics. Today however, Mingyu was not merely laughing along. Today he was answering to Jun’s comments, with witty and somewhat, Wonwoo shuddered at the thought, flirty remarks. The black haired boy had no idea why it irritated him so much, but it did. He considered the possibility of it having to do with the fact that he always felt like the odd one out, especially when it was just the three of them. They had been friends since first grade but Wonwoo always felt like he didn’t belong with them, like he was supposed to be a lone wolf.
Wonwoo finally snapped when he saw Mingyu’s tan skin turn a shade darker at one of Jun’s implyments. It lit a fire deep inside him and he didn’t even give it a thought that their behavior presumably was caused by the empty bottle of alcohol lying by the two males sides, completely forgotten by now.
“If you two plan on making out I suggest you get the fuck out of here”
Wonwoo was upset, for some still unknown reason, but the utter coldness in his voice even caught him off guard. It chilled him to the bone, the cold tone of his voice, fleeting like a harsh autumn breeze. Mingyu and Jun seemed to feel the same way because they both looked at Wonwoo from his bed with widened eyes. The air was thick with tension and Wonwoo’s mouth went dry as well as his throat, if someone didn’t say something soon he was sure he’d be consumed by the silence.
“O-oh, we’ll leave you alone to rehearse buddy. Sorry to bother you when you’re studying…”
It was the Junhui who surprised Wonwoo by saying something. He was expecting the words to fall from Mingyu, but when Wonwoo looked over at the youngest he had an unreadable expression grazing his defined, tan features. He was however the first to move and he mumbled something under his breath that Wonwoo couldn’t catch as he moved towards the door, Jun in tow. The latter gave the solemn boy on the floor an apologetic look before descending through the slamming door. The door wasn’t actually slammed shut, Jun had very carefully closed it but Wonwoo felt as if the walls shook with vibrations and for a second he felt fear for the framed photo of him, Jun and Mingyu hanging on the wall.
The small dorm made Wonwoo overwhelmed by the piercing sound of nothing as the few seconds of the previous events replayed in his mind. Who knew silence could possibly be so loud? An unwelcome feeling rooted itself inside of him as he realized what exactly had just happened. If you two plan on making out I suggest you get the fuck out of here. They actually left after he had just said that. He felt nauseous as he finally recognized the new feeling that had decided to invade his poor soul, ambiguous loss. He felt like he just lost a part of his friends without actually losing them. Damn his over analyzing brain, other than for psychology all it did was trouble him.
After that rather strange confrontation at his dorm, Wonwoo begun doing something idiotic. No, he didn’t avoid his friends, that’s not what he would call it. He was just less present whenever they hung out. He became more and more distant as his unknown, and to be honest, terrifying feelings ate him up from the inside. He hated that he couldn’t figure out why he felt something similar to jealousy whenever he saw Jun and Mingyu getting that extra inch closer. It made no sense to Wonwoo. He had never been jealous of any of his friends before and especially not because of their relationship. This was just one of the things his brain occupied, or more like pestered, him with daily resulting in Wonwoo ending up spaced out the majority of his awake time. You would think that after all that time thinking through the problem at hand he would’ve found a solution but he simply didn’t which if possible made Wonwoo even more frustrated. He was a problem solver, it wasn’t like him to feel this helpless.
During all this Wonwoo without intending to slipped further and further away from the cause of his dilemma, Mingyu. The poor puppy-like boy relentlessly tried to speak to the elder and even more frequently than before made attempts to invite Wonwoo along to the parties he and the others went to. He was however shut down every single time and finally stopped asking all together after a particular harsh rejection. Wonwoo was for some reason irritated to wits end at the way his heart was suffocating inside his ribcage because of the thousand shades of subtle gold in Mingyu’s otherways bronze skin was gifted with as the evening sun painted the scene around them with an angry red hue. He must’ve unintentionally taken out his anger at the boy in front of him when he firmly told him no Mingyu, I don’t want to go to any stupid parties because a look of utter disappointment and hurt etch it’s way into Mingyu’s face where it seemed to root itself, ready to stay permanently. The younger had cast his eyes downwards as his shoulders fell and uttered a small and sad okay hyung, the usual cheery and excited boy nowhere to be seen. Wonwoo should’ve stopped and considered his actions but he was already lost in thought over Mingyu’s murky eyes that seemed to always be included in his dreams. The dreams he could never decipher no matter how many times he desperately flipped through his psychology books. He was only left with the blurry image of himself nestled into the neck of someone with eyes darker than the winter night sky.
Weeks passed by before Wonwoo at last understood what was going on. It was even after all the contemplating he had spent time on not he and his conspiracy theories that came up with the right answer. Instead it was thanks to someone he wished he’d never ever have to see again. You see, spending less and less time with your friends results in more alone time and for Wonwoo, this was not something he’d want for himself. After another late (very late because sleep and collage student do not fit in the same sentence, at least not if your name is Jeon Wonwoo) night at the library Wonwoo was finally making his way back to his dorm. It was probably around 2 AM but since it was early summer, the night was still hot. The humid air made Wonwoo’s dark locks stick to his forehead and he stopped to take of his cardigan, something he’d regret in just a few minutes. As he was standing still, trying to get the offensive piece of cloth away from his sticky skin, a certain brunette made his sweet way back into his thoughts and Wonwoo fell back into the same train of thought as always.
Overanalyzing his actions and feelings, pondering over when Mingyu and Jun begun hanging out so much without him and trying to figure out what that weird unsettling feeling in his throat was which always made itself present whenever Mingyu used to come that extra inch closer. He didn’t even notice the man in a black hoodie, who was so painfully suspicious a five year old would’ve ran away, creeping up just a few feet behind the tall male. He was so engrossed in the way Mingyu’s fangs would show whenever he laughed particularly hard that the tall, but not as tall as Wonwoo, male could press him up against the wall to his left before Wonwoo even had the slight chance to defend himself. The push wasn’t hard enough to knock the air out of his lungs but violent enough to leave an unpleasant sting in his spine and a groan to leave his lips. A smell of soil and cigarette smoke penetrated his nostrils and another body pressed into him. His heart was beating worryingly fast and if the persuader hadn’t grabbed Wonwoo’s chin to make them lock eyes he was sure he would’ve passed out from pure fright. As his attacker came into vision a wave of utter terror overwhelmed his body as he realized who it was. He’d recognize those obscure eyes anywhere.
“Looks like I finally caught you alone pretty boy”
Wonwoo still hadn’t had enough time to collect himself to even think about trying to break free, but as the boys warm breath wafted across his face he instantly began struggling in his grip. Wonwoo had the advantage of height but it seemed like the blonde was way stronger than him and after a rather rough squeeze of his waist where one of the attackers hands were located, Wonwoo stopped struggling with a pained yelp.
“No, no now don’t be like that” The boy purred and if even possible made Wonwoo even more uncomfortable than he already was. “I just want to taste those pretty lips of yours” At the last word, the shorter male flicked his dark eyes down to the soft flesh of Wonwoo’s lips.
New panic built up all over again and all Wonwoo could hear was the rapid beating of his heart in his ears drumming like a panicked baby bunny. He could only think of one thing to do, scream. It was an overwhelming urge and there wasn’t an ever slight chance someone would actually hear him in the middle of the night, but logic was not a word in his panicked selfs vocabulary. He never got to find out about that however, for he merely had the chance to take a deep breath before a clammy palm was clamped over his mouth followed by a harsher grasp of his waist, he was sure he’d be bruised after this was over.
“Don’t even think of it. Your annoying ass friends are always surrounding you, protecting you like you’re some delicate flower, keeping me from getting what I want. But I always get what I want so you better shut the fuck up now or you’ll have to face the consequences” The others eyes was impossibly dark, almost looking as if they were boiling with anger. He intensified his threat by nudging his knee in between Wonwoo’s legs.
This is complete madness. I’m going to die was all that went through Wonwoo’s mind as the former once again cast his eyes downwards.
In his now terrified state, no logic could be found. Wonwoo acted purely on survival instincts, like an animal in danger. As the boy begun to lean in, disgust rolling through him like crashing waves, his body acted on his own and he slammed his forehead as hard as he could against the others. A growl of anger and pain was heard before the hands on Wonwoo’s waist was dropped to hold the boys forehead. Wonwoo wasted no time to dash past him, legs acting on autopilot by sprinting as fast as they could carry him. Loud screams in agony could be heard from behind him and for a terrifying second he saw the scene that was to follow if Wonwoo wouldn’t be fast enough the next few seconds.
Another problem had now come to his attention, he was running in the wrong direction. His dorm was the other way, but that path was being blocked by the boy who was now guaranteed angrier than ever and would show no mercy. Hansol’s and Seungcheol’s dorm was also that way as well as Soonyoung’s, the only people unlucky enough to live on this side of campus was Mingyu and Junhui. Wonwoo knew bursting into their dorm this late at night was unacceptable and rude, especially after practically ignoring the two for weeks, but the red liquid running down his forehead, almost getting into his eyes, was definitely not red paint so Wonwoo saw no other option. To add onto the list of reasons, he was almost certain he could hear another pair of footsteps right behind him. Heart violently beating in his throat, he speed up the last bit to Mingyu’s and Junhui’s dorm and only slowed down after painfully slamming right into the door. When he did he frantically begun banging his fists against the door praying to whichever God was willing to listen that the two wasn’t still at some stupid party. It could be imaginary but Wonwoo could swear he still heard the footsteps from before coming closer somewhere behind him and he scrunched his eyes shut, a pained expression painting over his features. His heart felt like it’s explode any second now, his lungs burning like gasoline and he was so scared he was sure he’d throw up any second.
Suddenly however, the surface his fists were banging against disappeared and he fell forward into a broad chest, a slight groan of surprise filling his ears. As realization hit Wonwoo he wrapped his arms tight around the other body, burying his face into what he thought would be the soft material of the boy’s shirt but was only met with the sturdy physical of bare skin. He didn’t have time to be shocked, he only begun rambling desperately into the warm skin.
“Shut the door, now shut it right now please I’m begging you, please!”
He wasn’t expecting the other to be able to perceive what he was saying but just a moment later he could hear the door shut and he felt strong arms lifting him up, moving him to what he supposed was the bed.
Wonwoo didn’t even realize he had started sobbing uncontrollably until what he recognized as Mingyu’s soft hushes filled his ears and a warm hand began stroking his back through the thin material of his shirt. It took several minutes before he finally calmed down, only to break out into helpless sobs again when he realized he had dropped his glasses when he reaches up to wipe away his tears and was met with no opposition. Mingyu’s strong arms tightened around his wiry frame and a hand began running through his black locks soothingly.
When there were no tears left to cry and only hiccups made their way through Wonwoo’s trembling lips did he pull away to bashfully shrug Mingyu’s affectionate arms away from him. He felt ashamed of his behavior after indirectly avoiding the other without explanation then suddenly showing up at their door in the middle of the night sobbing and probably looking like a wild animal.
“Thank you Mingyu…” Wonwoo muttered softly and tried to slid of the youngers lap which to his further flusteredness realized he was on but was stopped by Mingyu’s large palms taking their place on his narrow hips, holding him in place.
“Hey, no- stop trying to get away!” The younger gave his hip a squeeze when Wonwoo continued to struggle and he instantly stayed still, furiously fighting the redness about to surface on his cheeks. Why the hell was he blushing?
“What happened Wonwoo? You can’t possibly expect me to just let you walk out of here after waking me up in the middle of the night, banging furiously on my door looking like a the devil is after you in addition to not talking to me for a full week”
So Mingyu had noticed. Wonwoo hated acting out of the ordinary, attracting attention but he couldn’t expect Mingyu to be that dense. He was just so kind hearted he hadn’t wanted to push Wonwoo to tell him what was wrong. A shaky sigh made its way from his lips and he collected all his nerves to meet Mingyu’s gaze.
“About the whole “not-talking-to-you” thing… I just- I-, um…”
Wonwoo could lie. Just say he’s been incredibly busy but the expectant glimmer in Mingyu’s eyes stopped him. He shut his eyes and bit his lip remorsefully.
“It’s just… You and Jun seemed so close lately and I didn’t want to intrude…?”
The tone of his voice unintentionally made it sound like a question irking a humorous scoff from the younger and a raise of his eyebrows in disbelief.
“No offence hyung but are you stupid? We’re best friends, all of us? Of course we always want you to be there too!”
An amused quirk of the lips surfaced on Mingyu’s face, canines peeking out from his upper lip and Wonwoo tried to mirror it. That wasn’t the dilemma he was facing. He knew they all were best friends, the thing he was insecure about was how he didn’t match the other two. He never went to the parties they went to, didn’t talk to anybody while being full of charm and confidence or played sports. The other two were the perfect recipe for a collage heartthrob while Wonwoo was your stereotypical nerd and it bothered him nevertheless. All these thoughts swarmed through the elders head but none of them made their way out his lips. Instead he just met his friends eyes and a what he hoped looked like convincing smile grazed his lips. Mingyu’s smile grew, his eyes just about to turn into crescents when it suddenly vanished as if it had never been there.
“Hyung… Oh my God is that blood?”
All the color drained from the youngers usually tan skin and in a flash they were both situated in the small bathroom he and Jun shared. The taller male dashed around the apartment returning seconds later with a wet towel, ordering Wonwoo to press it to the wound.
“Mingyu… It really isn’t anything worth fussing over it has already stopped bleeding…” Wonwoo muttered bashfully. As expected the younger didn’t listen and soon he returned with a pack of band-aids. He sat himself down in front of Wonwoo on the floor. The bathroom was small and cramped resulting in the two boys sitting knee-to-knee and Wonwoo felt small waves of electricity coursing through the place where they were connected. He must’ve lost more blood than he thought after all. The tense following minutes were filled with Mingyu incredibly thoroughly and precisely dabbing Wonwoo’s next to non-existing wound with the wet towel while lifting Wonwoo’s fringe up with the other hand and Wonwoo mentally slapping himself every time his eyes stayed a bit too long to deem acceptable at the curve of Mingyu’s lips as he poked his tongue out in concentration or his lashes grazing his cheeks everytime he blinked.
When the younger finally pulled away to grab one of the band-aids and with what Wonwoo deemed unnecessary nicety placed it over the now clean wound could Wonwoo relax a bit. Then suddenly the idiot he called his best friend deemed it necessary to lean forward and smoother down Wonwoo’s fringe, head tilted to the side making him look too much like a puppy. When Mingyu seemed satisfied with his work he let his hand slide down Wonwoo’s face until it landed in his own lap. Wonwoo kept his gaze at his own clenched fists in his lap.
“What happened Wonwoo? Please tell me, I’m feeling so worried... You would never fight anyone so for you to come banging on my door like this with blood on your face something awful must’ve happened”
Wonwoo tensed where he sat in the middle of the night on Mingyu’s bathroom floor. The disgust and uncomfortableness came right back and he trembled slightly, wrapping his arms around himself as if to protect him from what had happened. He slowly tried to explain what happened, Mingyu deserved that much at least.
“Do you- Um-, do you remember that guy you chased away from me in class a few weeks ago?” He mumbled lowly and got a hum of confirmation from the other.
“Um well he… He um- I was walking home from the library since Mr Moon always lets me stay as long I want, he’s really nice. My favorite out of the librarians we’ve had…”
Mingyu didn’t scold Wonwoo for rambling, just continued to listen while keeping his gaze constant on Wonwoo’s face who’s own eyes were flicking all over the small room.
“Um- So anyways on my way home… He saw me walking alone, which I guess is my own fault, I shouldn’t walk home alone so late but he-... He pushed me up against the wall and started rambling about how you guys always protect me but now I was finally alone and bla bla… But he… He squeezed my waist really hard and I couldn’t scream for help and then he-, He um… He tried to kiss me… I smashed my head against his hence the blood but he chased me all the way here so I’m really sorry for barging in here for such a small inconvenience I’ll leave you now thank you so much for you help-”
The last part was sputtered out of Wonwoo without any pause as he abruptly stood up and tried to leave only to be stopped by Mingyu encasing him in his arms once again keeping him in place. Affection washed though Wonwoo as he realized the younger didn’t expect him to explain any further. He was simply trying to make him feel better with physical contact and no complicated speeches of meaningless words. New tears welled up but Wonwoo pressed them down and returned Mingyu’s embrace.
The younger didn’t say anything until he pulled away but his words and fierce gaze cut right through Wonwoo making even him tremble in his place even if the words weren’t even remotely guided towards him.
“I’m gonna fucking kill him”
It wasn’t until Wonwoo laid in Mingyu’s bed, the younger keeping a strong grip around his waist as if Wonwoo was going to get ripped away from him any second that Wonwoo came to a horrifying realization. Why Mingyu had been haunting his thoughts for so long, the true reason he’d felt jealous of his two best friends and what the weird feeling in his tummy and throat was. Love. It was love. Jeon Wonwoo was in love with his best friend.
Mingyu sighed as he lazily let his pencil fall from his grip, cursing lowly when it rolled over the edge of his desk and down onto the floor. Three insufferable hours of trying to study to no avail had passed and he was quite frankly getting sick of never getting past in the figure below, ab is a perpendicular. How large is angle y? only for the recurring thought of a certain black haired boy with, now gold and no longer silver, framed glasses to cloud his mind. After the conversation that had went down in Mingyu’s dorm the younger thought he’d finally get to spend time with him again. He was excited, he had missed Wonwoo insufferably much but been too much of an coward to confront him when the elder had started avoiding him. He was certain he’d done something scandalous and he didn’t want to have to hear it come from Wonwoo himself. If he still wanted to be Mingyu’s friend, he’d come to him which he thankfully had done about a week ago.
One would think that things would go back to normal after they resolved the whole misunderstanding Wonwoo for some reason had come up with but that however was not the case. To be honest, it had all taken a turn for the worse and Mingyu hadn’t heard a word from the elder since the incident that now had taken place well over than a week ago. He’d texted and called to no success, the only reason Mingyu hadn’t reported him missing to the police was that Junhui had talked to him, forwarding the message that Wonwoo just was really busy. The fact that Junhui had talked to him however made Mingyu even more uneasy since that meant he was the only one the elder was avoiding.
Mingyu was rudely awakened from his spiral of dark thoughts by his discarded pen flying through the room just barely missing his face.
“Stop being a pining idiot please”
Jun’s deep voice could be heard from his bed across the room and when Mingyu turned around to give the elder a weird look he just rolled his eyes as if Mingyu was just so incredibly stupid.
“You’re thinking about Wonwoo again aren’t you?” He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the universe.
“Yeah but I’m not pining what are you even talking about? I’m worried since he’s ignoring me and only me” Mingyu muttered back while he tried to rub the sleep from his eyes. Mid-terms can be a bitch.
“If you’re so sure that he’s ignoring you why don’t you just ask him yourself?”
This time MIngyu was the one to roll his eyes. Did he really look like that much of an idiot?
“Wow thanks Einstein didn’t think about that one. I’m not a moron I’ve tried texting and calling for a full week”
Jun put the back of his palm against his forehead before dramatically falling back on the bed with an offended gasp.
“Oh the modern youths. Back in my day only rich people had cell phones and I had to use my small child legs to communicate with any of my acquaintances. You know how I did that?” (Here Jun included a dramatic pause for effect). “I walked, all the way to their house if I wanted to say something. You want to know the amazing part though? You can do that too!”
Mingyu seriously considered taking applications for new friends since all his current ones only made his life harder.
Another two days went by before Mingyu finally took Jun’s advice seriously and payed Wonwoo’s dorm a visit. Both Hansol and Soonyoung had spammed him with messages, the former mainly using memes while the latter used all caps making Mingyu sure he was the cause of the head ache currently plaguing him. Seungcheol also held a discomforting “dad” speech when Mingyu skipped one (1) lecture because he was feeling moody over this whole situation. That talk had been MIngyu’s breaking point. So here he was now, standing like a fool inside Wonwoo’s empty dorm. The elder was nowhere to be seen but Mingyu had made up his mind and was not backing out, he’d used the extra key Wonwoo given him at the start of the semester. Granted it was only for emergencies, but this definitely counted as one. At least to Mingyu. He’d texted Junhui who said he and Wonwoo had the same afternoon class that’d be out in about 2 hours so Mingyu had some time to figure out what he’d say when Wonwoo finally showed up. Before he even had a chance to start thinking about it however his eyes landed on something blue sticking out from a bunch of papers at Wonwoo’s desk. Mingyu isn’t one to invade someone’s privacy by going through their stuff, but for some reason he couldn’t stop his legs from moving on their own accord and neither could he stop his hands from reaching out to sweep across the material of the notebook that had hastily been stuffed under some homework. Next thing he knew the notebook was in his hands, open and Mingyu’s tall frame was laid on Wonwoo’s bed.
10th of August 2003
Today I saw him for the first time. He was only wearing a T-shirt and the rain made his black hair stick to his forehead, he looked like he was cold. I was never one to talk to strangers since my mom told me not to but he looked about the same age as me so it couldn’t be so bad right? I liked the rain anyways and he looked like he was going to get sick if he waited here for the rain to stop much longer, so I put the grocery bags down to walk over to him without a word and just held out my umbrella to him. In that moment I was thankful that my mom made me bring it with me even though the store was only a few blocks away from my house, the bright smile that appeared on the young boys face made up for it easily. Suddenly I felt something, like a thump thump and I hurried to turn around away from him. The weird feeling didn’t stop but I walked out into the rain anyways with the warning about talking to strangers still in the back of my head. I just ignored the boys calls, he was mean for making me confused. I’m never confused, I’m the smartest in my class actually, my mom says so. I made my way home but the image of the tanned stranger outside the grocery store stayed until I was lying in bed trying to sleep. That was the first time I dreamt about Kim Mingyu.
17th of August 2003
Today was the first day back at school and my mom made me walk with my neighbour Wen Junhui. She wants us to be friends but I’m not sure about that, he’s a excited over everything but I just want to read my books. He talked non stop all the way to school and barely noticed that I didn’t say a word. At lunch Junhui sat with me and I decided that maybe I would be his friend after all, mainly because he gave me the strawberry milk he had gotten from his mom that day but also because he was kind enough to sit with me. No one else has ever done that. I’m satisfied with that decision. Mom says I’m a problem solver, I like that. This was also the second time that I saw him. I didn’t recognize him at first since his hair wasn’t all damp but then he smiled at the boy from our class that sat next to him, the one with the narrow eyes that looks like a clock, I recognized that same bright smile he had given me about a week ago. This was the only time I saw him have lunch with someone else however.
24th of August 2003
Junhui asked me to play at his house after school today, I guess that makes us official best friends. I’ve never been to someone else’s house before though, only my grandparents, so I can’t be sure but that’s what I’ve heard the girls giggle about at recess. His house was really nice and his parents were nice to me too. We played in the yard all afternoon until they called us in for snacks and I decided that I would probably be spending a lot of time there. Not because of them but since they had strawberry milk. After that they told us it was too dark to go outside again so we watched a movie and Junhui surprised me by talking.
“I’m really happy you want to be my friend” he said. Then he turned around where he laid sprawled out on the couch to look up at me under his bangs that always fell into his eyes. He should get a haircut.
“I was afraid I was gonna be alone forever when I first moved here” he continued and I gave him a strange look and asked him what he meant by that. He then told me he had just moved here from China, this place really far away. Mom said it super far and it would take days to walk there. Junhui’s family must be really strong to be able to walk that far. Anyways, he thought he was going to have a hard time finding friends since he was a foreigner. I gave him a small smile and told him I’d happily be his friend forever and the smile he gave me in return made me think of that boy again. I didn’t like that at all, he was always invading my thoughts against my will. I wondered if he felt alone too, every time I saw him he was alone. I didn’t understand why though, he looked like a puppy and his smile was super bright so he should be popular.
31th of August 2003
I changed my mind, I’m never talking to Junhui again. He embarrassed me today and I hate being embarrassed. I was spacing out in class while doodling in my textbook, something I usually do when the teacher is too boring. My doolings usually turns out to look like what I’m thinking about. In this case it was that boy with black hair, dark eyes and bright smile who still won’t leave me alone, it’s been a week now. I was wondering if he liked strawberry milk too while looking at the birds outside the window, then I’m snapped out of my thoughts by Soonyoung, the boy who was sitting with Mingyu that day and who sits in front of me in class, suddenly whipping around to steal the paper in front of me. I look at him with wide eyes and witness my notebook being passed to the person next to him, Junhui. He gives me a mischievous look before looking down at my drawing while whispering with Soonyoung who says something that makes Junhui’s look like one of those cartoon characters whose eyes turn large. I didn’t get my notebook back until at lunch, Junhui dropped it right in front of me at our table for anyone to see and I quickly slammed it shut to stop it. I’m super unlucky though so of course I wasn’t quick enough and Soonyoung that meanie asked me way too loud for it to be a conversation between two people who the boy in my notebook was. Then came the reason I’m really mad at Junhui, he answered with “It looks like that new kid in first grade, Mingyu was it?”. The whole cafeteria was dead quiet at this point and I was already light pink from blushing, but it didn’t stop there. Right as I see the boy, Mingyu, walk into the cafeteria Junhui opens his mouth again. “Do you think Mingyu’s cute?” he asked. My face burned from all the attention and I looked at Mingyu and he was also embarrassed and sinking into the collar of his shirt as he slipped down into a chair by an empty table. I’m so mad at Junhui, I would be mad at Soonyoung but he doesn’t know any better, but Junhui’s supposed to be my “best friends forever and ever!” I’m convincing my mom to not make me walk to school with him tomorrow morning.
PS. I changed my mind Junhui just come over with strawberry milk, I’m his friend again though he still upset Mingyu, so I think he should give him some too.
7th of September 2003
Mingyu was eating lunch alone again. I don’t know why, he looks like he should be popular but he’s the new kid after all. I didn’t realize I was staring at him, lost in thought again until Junhui suddenly let out a deep sigh and stood up from his chair to wave his arms over his head like a crazy person. He yelled at Mingyu to come over here and eat with us and I instantly tensed in my seat. Junhui gave me a bright smile and I slowly lifted my gaze up to see Mingyu hesitantly making his way over to our table. As soon as he sat down, Junhui flung his arm over his shoulder and chatted away while I kept my gaze at my food. I didn’t say a word to Mingyu all lunch, that is until Junhui proposed that he should eat with us everyday. Mingyu’s face lit up into that smile that made him look like a puppy before he looked at me, his smile altering into a soft one. “As long as Wonwoo’s fine with it” was what he said. How did he even know my name? I knew I had to answer, I didn’t like seeing him alone everyday and if no one else was going to befriend him, why couldn’t it be me and Junhui? He might be a year younger than us, but Soonyoung says he has a friend who’s a year older than us. His name’s Seungcheol and he’s in third grade, so he knows a lot and whenever we have a question about something we ask him. Maybe we could be that for Mingyu? Or I could at least, Junhui is a dummy. I wasn’t brave enough to say anything but I gave him a small nod to show my approval.The boy shone up again and I moved my gaze to my food again feeling fuzzy inside. Maybe I was getting sick? I should probably ask Seungcheol about it sometime, what if it’s dangerous?
24th of September 2003
Mingyu has been eating lunch with me, Junhui, Soonyoung and sometimes Seungcheol now for two weeks. I still haven’t managed to say much to him, that fuzzy feeling always stops me. Seungcheol said he felt like that when he drank too much apple juice once, but I only drink strawberry milk which means that’s not it right? Junhui and Mingyu has been getting closer and closer, they even play sometimes after school. I want to join them too, but I don’t know how to ask them. Junhui still comes over to my house fairly often, but he never asks me to play when Mingyu’s with him. I thought that Mingyu might not like me and couldn’t help but feel a little sad. I may be quiet and shy, but I still wanted friends. Especially Mingyu. After school I sat on the swing staring at the ground while scraping my foot back and forth through the gravell. I was a bit upset since Junhui and Mingyu went off to play football with the other kids leaving me here all alone. Or that’s what I thought at least until I suddenly felt a tap on my shoulder. I swung around to see Mingyu standing there, holding a box of strawberry milk. I looked at him curiously and he gave me a sheepish smile. “You’re pouting and drinking these always makes you smile, so I thought I’d bring you one” was what he said as he held out the box. That was it, he had managed to bribe me with kind words and strawberry milk, this was the day Kim Mingyu became my other best friend. I accepted the box while my face again felt like it was burning. It’s been doing that a lot around Mingyu and I still don’t know why. I sipped on my drink while playing with my sweater paws. Mingyu looked at me with glittering eyes and smiled brighter than I’ve ever seen him do before as he sat down on the swing beside me. I noticed he had canines and the thumping sound came back again. Stupid.
Mingyu’s smile grew gradually as he read the words Wonwoo had written down about him and Junhui. His heart swelled a bit as he allowed himself to miss the old days, the stress of college had been so far away back then. He was just about to shut the notebook when he noticed that there was one more entry and furthermore that it wasn’t from 2003 like the other ones. This one was from last week. The day after Wonwoo was attacked. Mingyu knew he shouldn’t prod, he swears he respects Wonwoo and loves him to the moon and back but he could easily see his own name multiply times and he simply couldn’t stop himself.
June 14 2017
Never thought I’d use this old thing again. But I’ve messed up and I have no one to talk to about it. I consider myself to be fairly clever, I never thought I’d be as oblivious as I’ve just discovered I am. I spent a full week absorbed by his stupid face wondering why I was so jealous of them. It wasn’t until Mingyu said it to my face that I realized I’ve been wrong this whole time. I’m not scared of Junhui and Mingyu not wanting to be my friend. And I’m not even scared because of the reason I thought it was but never told anyone; that I don’t fit in with them. Hell, I’ve been different from them my whole life but that has never stopped us. The true reason, which is so obvious I’m about to rip my own hair for not realizing earlier, is that I was so horribly terrified that the two of them would become more than friends. Silly right? Well it’s not anymore now that I’ve come to the utterly catastrophic conclusion that I love Mingyu. Not the amicable love I feel towards Junhui, Hansol, Soonyoung and Seungcheol. No, full blown “I would rob all the stars from the sky if it meant you’d smile more” love. I’ve messed up. I can’t love Mingyu, it’s a road to heartbreak. I’m good at hiding my feelings, it’s one of my few talents but these types of feelings are beyond my capability. I have to stay away, figure something out before I ruin everything. I’m so sorry Mingyu even though I’ll probably never tell you any of this. I messed up so bad.
A soft ringing noise was all that filled the unsettling silence of the dorm. Mingyu let the notebook fall to the floor as he stared at the ceiling in disbelief. Of all the conspiracy theories his brain had made up during the week this one somehow felt even more unbelievable.
Wonwoo didn’t know what he expected to find when he got back to his dorm after a particular boring and outdrawn lesson this particularly rainy afternoon, (Don’t get him wrong, Wonwoo loves rain because it gets him an excuse to just stay inside and read all day but guess who he met for the first time when it was raining? Yeah) but it definitely wasn’t the scene of Mingyu awkwardly standing in the middle of his dorm, a mix of shock from getting caught invading Wonwoo’s dorm and pallidness on his face looking like he was about to pass out from anxiousness. Everything was quiet, a strange sort of silence that felt like an unfinished sentence.
“Mingyu..? What are you doing in my dorm...?”
Thing number two Wonwoo didn’t expect this particularly rainy afternoon. Mingyu, in three long strides that tall fucker, moving to stand in front of Wonwoo. In front as in, right in front of him making Wonwoo have to look up a bit to meet the youngers jet black eyes. He couldn’t decipher the emotions swimming around even though he was good at reading people. Just because he’s quiet doesn’t mean he’s not paying attention, quite the opposite. He’s learned all of Mingyu’s expressions like the back of his hand but this one, it made even Wonwoo himself anxious.
Thing number three Jeon Wonwoo didn’t expect this afternoon filled by petricor and dark skies. Kim Mingyu, his best friends since first grade, the puppy-like idiot every girl and, as proven by Jeon Wonwoo himself, a few guys swooned over leaning down to press such a light, chaste kiss Wonwoo wasn’t even sure it happened. This Kim Mingyu didn’t pull away when no reaction came from Wonwoo. No, he leaned in again to press their lips, Wonwoo’s trembling the slightest, together again and this time with more determination. If Wonwoo had been prepared for this to happen, fireworks might have exploded everywhere and he might’ve wrapped his arms around Mingyu’s neck and the younger would’ve licked his way into Wonwoo’s mouth, like in all those cliché movies. But because this happened now, while Wonwoo still was standing in the doorway to his room, the door wide open out into campus, there was nothing but a swarm of different feelings fighting inside his stomach leaving no room for those fireworks of purple and silver. Excitement, love, fondness, confusion and panic were all fighting for his attention and even afterwards as he tried to recall the kiss he couldn’t even remember if he kissed back. There was only the cloud of feelings and the taste of caramel sugar from Mingyu’s lips.
When Mingyu pulled back the second time Wonwoo fluttered his eyes, that he didn’t even noticed he had closed, open. He probably looked like a baby deer, staring at Kim Mingyu the fox who had just so shrewdly caught Wonwoo off guard and was now ready to end him. It had to be a joke, or a bet. Wonwoo didn’t know which he prefered but when his sight went from unfocused to sharp he was only met with bliss across the other boy’s face.
Wonwoo’s eyes opened and closed a few times as he tried to progress the situation. What the fuck what the fuck what is happening send help send… The door was shut with a thud and suddenly he was being pulled into the middle of the, his, room. He realised he probably looked like he was about to freak out, which he admittedly absolutely, most definitely was but Mingyu didn’t need know that. What the younger said next however did not help Wonwoo control himself in the slightest.
“I read your diary”
“You did what!?”
Wonwoo was definitely freaking out. Scratch that he was about to have a full blown panic attack thanks to this moron.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to but like it just ended up in my hands and your entries from when we were young were so cute and I just accidently read the one from like last week and-”
Holy shit Wonwoo was fucked. His eyes probably looked like he was about to implode on the younger because suddenly he continued his incessant rambling.
“What I’m trying to say is I like you too! Or well I think so-, or no not “think so” after kissing you…” At this, to Wonwoo’s further, utter embarrassment Mingyu looked out into the vacant air smiling like he was thinking about his mom’s home cooked meals from childhood. “I’ve always thought of you as my best friend but after reading what you wrote and kissing you I-. Well, yeah, I like you too”
The actual idiot had the audacity, the audacity, to smile Wonwoo’s favorite bright smile with canines on display and his bronze skin glowing like Apollos had taken residence there. The light cast through the room gave the boy a glow of a permanent sunset. It’s not fair. Wonwoo wanted to throw a tantrum, act like a sulky child because he really hated having his privacy invaded but he’s weak. Especially for Mingyu and always has been ever since that day on the swings. And how do you stay mad at someone you’ve loved for probably more than a decade. Someone who reminds you of the carefree bliss of childhood, climbing trees, accidently scraping your knee while biking too fast, sneaking into the local pool at night, clumsily practicing kisses in your room a particular hot summer day, graduating together with and now; reliving that clumsy, teeth clashing and inexprecined kiss only this time you actually did it right because practice really does makes perfect. There’s a simple answer to that question and Wonwoo knows it; you can’t. So instead of acting like the actual child he really is deep down inside and who only comes out in times like this, a soft bubblegum pink hue spreads across his pale skin and his gaze falls to his sweater paws in his lap.
“You really like me..?”
His voice sounds ridiculously soft, maybe he managed to act like a child after all. Mingyu doesn’t seem to be able to care less because he just whispers out an of course hyung and an even more breathtaking grin takes over his features. His eyes turns into crescent moons, his smile holds all the stars and his skin shines like the sun. He’s like the universe and Wonwoo shouldn’t be surprised he was pulled in by him, the boy who holds all the galaxies merely in his eyes. He is however surprised that he was chosen to be not only his best friend but now also the object of his affection. Out of all the planets, galaxies and celestial bodies Mingyu could select from, he settled for Wonwoo. He never gets to dwell on that too long though because Mingyu is pulling him in closer, not with his gravity but with his hands on Wonwoo’s hips and their lips are meeting again. This time the fireworks do go off, painting his insides in purple and silver and the universe is no longer in front of him but painted across the inside of his eyelids. This time Wonwoo remembers to kiss back.
List of things that happens after Kim Mingyu kissed Jeon Wonwoo
Mingyu, not Wonwoo like he’d thought, almost has a full blown panic attack. It admittedly ends with Wonwoo also panicking until they’re laughing so hard they can’t even breathe.
Wonwoo’s glad even he can be scatterminded sometimes and leave things out of their assigned spot. It least if it ends up with Mingyu cuddling him to sleep.
Mingyu begs for Wonwoo’s forgiveness for reading his diary. For a full week. Wonwoo forgave him a week ago but Mingyu doesn’t need to know that. Wonwoo is getting spoiled with kisses and hugs 24/7 and he’s not going to waste that.
Seungcheol upgrades his “dadness”. A very uncomfortable talk is had which ends with Wonwoo gathering their friends to hold a quiet minute for Seungcheol’s actual future kids.
Jun becomes an even bigger asshole. He makes barfing sounds anytime the two are in the same vicinity as the other. Wonwoo is still looking for a solution to this one.
Soonyoung owes Hansol 20 bucks. Wonwoo is now looking for new friends.
Mingyu “proposes” to Wonwoo asking him to be his boyfriend. This is done at Wonwoo’s favorite spot in the library with Mr Moon in the background demanding to be the best man at their future wedding. Wonwoo is now looking for a new boyfriend.
Lots of making out. Sorry Junhui it had to be said.
Wonwoo’s first time ends with Mingyu being so nervous he manages to waste 4 condoms before finally getting it on. Also Wonwoo didn’t cry, no one can prove anything.
The kid who attacked Wonwoo is expelled. Wonwoo believes there might be some justice in the world after all.
Jeon Wonwoo finally comes to terms with his feelings for Kim Mingyu and becomes a tad happier with his life. Kim Mingyu remains the same idiot he found that day in the rain and Wonwoo couldn’t be happier about loving him and he loving him back.
J.W.W. 2017