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Lance sat on Matt’s bed as he watched his boyfriend pack. In his arms, he held a blue lion plushie. Matt had won it for the Cuban boy on their first date to an arcade. There was so much that Lance wanted to say, but all of it got caught in his throat. A part of him wanted to ask Matt not to go, but he knew that would be so selfish. As soon as the prospect of going off to explore with his best friend and father had come up, it had been all Matt could talk about since.
Of course, Lance was happy for his boyfriend. He wanted him to have fun and kick ass! He was still afraid. What if something happened? What if the ship malfunctioned? What if they found alien life? What if Matt found someone better? What if Matt died!?
He dropped his head down a bit so he could press his forehead to the soft plushie in his hands. Breath, Lance . he thought. You’re being ridiculous. Matt wouldn’t leave him anyone else, he was just going to the moon and back. It wouldn’t be that long.
“Lance, you ok?”
The younger boy startled when his name was said. Lance pulled his face out of his lion. to find Matt standing right in front of him, a frown on his face. “F-fine, just a little stressed.” Which really isn’t a lie.
Matt sat down on the bed next to Lance and opened his arms with a smile at his boyfriend.
“Come here.”
Lance wasted no time. He quickly pulled himself into Matt’s lap, his face pressing into the other boy's neck. “Sorry, I just...I don’t...I’ll-I’ll,” he stopped and took a deep breath. No crying, he couldn’t start crying again.
Lips pressed against Lance’s temple and the arms around him tightened. “Stop apologizing, it’s ok to be sad about missing me. I’ll miss you too.”
He let out a shuddering breath. “Sorry—I mean, I know but...I’m happy for you. I am! But I don’t want you to go and...and I shouldn’t be thinking like that.”
Matt chuckled and held him tighter. “Lance it’s ok.” He ran a hand through the boy’s hair, something he knew helped Lance calm down. After being together for nearing on seven months they both knew little things like that. “You’re allowed to feel this way. It’s normal, you are not a burden.”
The Cuban let out an exhausted noise and laid his head on Matt’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, I just can’t help it sometimes.”
“I know.” The older boy ran his hand through Lance’s hair. “You know it’ll be ok without me. Hey, who knows, when I get back you could be in the fighter pilot class.”
“Yeah right. Iverson wouldn’t let me anywhere near that class, too much of a screw-up.”
“Don’t say that.” Matt pulled back enough so that they faced one another. “You’ll get there Lance. It won’t matter what anyone says because you can do it. I know you can.”
“That makes one of us,” Lance whispered, eyes downcast. He winced when he realized how self-deprecating that sounded. Matt didn’t like it when he did that. “Sorry.”
Matt sighed and tugged him until they were both lying on the bed. “I wish you wouldn’t do that Lance. Did you take your medication today?”
“Yes,” he said. He made sure to take his antidepressants every day. When he was first on them, his mama would watch him take them, to make sure he wasn’t just throwing them away. The threat of her having Hunk do the same, had been enough to keep him from trying to toss the pills away. “They just don’t seem to be helping today.”
“Do you want to spend the night here? Just the two of us. Shiro, Keith and Adam are all spending the night together as a family. Adam still isn’t too happy with Shiro leaving.”
Lance nodded against his boyfriend’s chest. “I’m sorry I’m putting a downer on your night. We should be having fun together! Not having you comfort me, while I’m being a baby.”
“You aren’t being a baby, you’re allowed to have feelings.” He pressed his nose into the top of Lance’s head. “It’ll be ok. Promise.”
Tears filled his blue eyes, as he took a deep breath and hugged Matt just a bit tighter. “I love you,” he whispered. It was the first time he’d said those words out loud. They’d been for over half a year but had yet to actually say it to each other. Lance hadn’t wanted to be the first person to say it but he needed Matt to know.
The older boy stiffened and Lance was afraid he was about to be pushed away. What he didn’t expect was for Matt to kiss him. “I love you too,” he said once he pulled away. “I love you so much, Lance.”
He let out a relieved breath and curled more into his boyfriend, his anxiety leaving him. Maybe with Matt leaving he could work on his separation anxiety.
* * * * *
“Lance, Lance! You have to take deep breaths!” Hunk said as he held his best friend close. They’d just found out about the mission failure. The crew of the Kerberos mission being declared dead due to pilot error.
“He’s gone! Hunk, he can’t be gone!” Lance cried as he held onto his best friend. The entire school had found out this morning. Lance had, somehow, managed to keep from freaking out until he got back to his room. Hunk had come in not too long after that.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Lance,” Hunk said. Never had he felt so helpless then he did at that moment. His best friend, his brother, grieving over the loss of his boyfriend and no one really knew it. Only their close friends knew about their relationship and in Lance’s case, that was only Hunk. With Keith taking off right after the announcement had been made, there was no one for Lance to really grieve with.
Lance let out a particularly loud sob. “What am I going to do?”
Hunk didn’t know how to answer that so he just held him tighter.
A few months later, Pidge Gunderson showed up at the Garrison. Both knew exactly who Pidge was the moment that they saw her. Neither Hunk nor Lance said a thing, both vowing to help her find her father and brother as best they could.
* * * * *
Tears steadily dripped down Lance’s cheeks. “Matt?” He couldn’t move from where he stood. Was this a dream or was Matt really standing right there in front of him? Lance had known Pidge had picked someone up on her mission but...he wasn’t expecting this. There had been days he’d dreamed of this! But each one was just that, a dream. It was disheartening waking up each morning expecting Matt to be there but he wasn’t.
Now here he was standing not five feet in front of Lance.
The blonde smiled at him. “It’s me, Lance, I’m here.” Matt reached up and laid a hand on Lance’s cheek. “I’m here.”
In the next second, Lance collapsed into Matt’s arms. They held on to one another as though one of them would disappear again. “I love you,” Lance whispered.
Matt smiled at him. “I love you too.” Then they were kissing, tears and all.