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“What? Locked out of your place?” Eijun’s look when he opened the door was incredulous to say the least.
“Ha ha, ironic right? And my other housemates aren’t around, so I can’t exactly call them up,” Miyuki lied. The truth was that his housemates had company over and he really didn’t want to be anywhere near that at the moment, and for some idiotic, short-sighted reason, he had shown up at Eijun’s place.
“You can use my room, I guess, but I don’t have an extra futon… or a couch.”
“I don’t mind sleeping on the floor,” Miyuki shrugged, edging past Eijun into his small apartment. Eijun’s housemates were all already asleep, which he supposed was natural given that it was past midnight on a weekday.
“But I don’t even have extra pillows?! Mochi-senpai stole most of them,” Eijun explained, before suddenly assuming a defensive pose. “Wait… are you sure you don’t have anywhere else to go? Did you come here just to mess with me?!”
“Who, me? What kind of person do you think I am?” Miyuki said sarcastically.
“A horrible one,” Eijun answered non-sarcastically and also immediately.
“Trust me, if I had anywhere else to go, I’d be there right now. If you want me to leave that bad, I’ll go get a motel room for the night or something,” Miyuki stuck his hands in his pockets and put on a voice that sounded perfectly casual. Even if they were still in Tokyo, going to his parents’ house would never be an option.
“I… guess you don’t have to do that.” Eijun grimaced, as if the words were being wrung out of him against his will.
“Ohh? You’re so very generous, Sawamura-kun,” Miyuki grinned and threw his arm around Eijun’s shoulders.
“I’ve made a huge mistake,” Eijun groaned and dragged his hand down his face.
--
Miyuki bolted upright in a cold sweat, his heart racing as he violently threw off the blanket that had been wrapped around him before scrambling to the edge of the room and sitting with his back against the wall. He drew his knees up to his chest and tried to get a handle on the situation as best he could.
Where am I? Where is this?
He fumbled around in his mind for any semblance of coherency as his gaze darted around the room. His breath was short and he was probably going to hyperventilate, but he didn’t think it was a full-on severe panic attack. Probably not, anyway.
He finally noticed that Eijun was tucked into his futon nearby.
Sawamura? Right. This is Sawamura’s apartment. Not mine…
“Hrmm..?” Eijun rolled over and rubbed his eyes before propping himself up a bit.
Miyuki didn’t trust himself to make a sound just then, though even in the dimness of the room he knew Eijun could see him leaning against the wall trying not to hyperventilate.
“What the--what’re you doing over there? Are you sick?” Eijun got out of his futon and made his way in the dark over to where Miyuki was still sitting, sounding mildly panicked himself.
“No. Just a bad dream,” Miyuki forced the words out. The moon illuminated Eijun’s expression of vague concern and shock as he leaned down over Miyuki, like he was surprised he even had dreams, let alone bad ones.
“I think I should get you some water anyway,” he said uncertainly, starting to turn towards the door. Before he could stop himself, Miyuki reached out and grabbed Eijun’s arm with more force than he intended to.
“Wha-?!” Eijun yelped and stared at Miyuki, this time with quite a lot of shock and concern.
It was too late for takebacks, so Miyuki exhaled and tried to articulate what he meant by that action.
“Just… just stay here for now.”
His own voice sounded strange and almost raw to him, but at least his breathing was slightly back under control. Eijun actually understood that he should listen to Miyuki right now, and sat down a little ways away from him. But he still kept watching him closely, probably still trying to decide what he should do about this situation.
After a little while Miyuki felt halfway back to functional again, though his nerves were still badly rattled. He looked at Eijun, who was still looking at him curiously as if he were some kind of extraterrestrial creature behind glass.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Eijun asked again, squinting at Miyuki.
“Yeah.” Miyuki wasn’t as good at lying during an anxiety attack, but he tried anyway. Even Eijun wasn’t convinced this time.
“You sound terrible. I knew it was a bad idea to sleep on the floor,” Eijun huffed.
“Fine, you got me.” Miyuki smiled wryly and looked to the side. After a moment of awkward silence he said, “You can go get me that water now.”
“R-Right!!” Eijun jumped up a little too quickly and hurried out to the kitchen. Miyuki heard him banging around as he looked for a clean glass and tried to fill it. He actually did feel a lot better when he imagined Eijun frantically searching his kitchen at 3 in the morning on his behalf. When Eijun returned with a glass of water, he even snickered to himself a little.
“Heh heh heh.”
“How can you be laughing? I thought you were gonna puke on my floor,” Eijun complained. “You still look all pale and gross, too. Are you sure you’re not getting sick?”
“No, I don’t think so.” Miyuki drank from the glass rather shakily before setting it back down the floor a bit harder than he wanted to again. Still hadn’t fully regained his motor skills, then…
“I told you, I had a bad dream. Sometimes I react badly to them. That’s all,” Miyuki did his best to sound exasperated and ill-tempered so Eijun would leave him alone, but there was a distinct tremor in his voice that pretty much anyone would probably be able to catch on to at this point.
“You should sleep in my futon,” Eijun crossed his arms, pretty much ignoring Miyuki’s explanation in general. “I never get sick, so I’ll be fine, but you have a weird fit when you sleep on the floor, so I’ll let you use it for a night. Ha ha, I’m so generous!!”
He let out one of his trademark dumb Eijun laughs, which Miyuki would have given a snappy comeback to if he was feeling like himself at all. Apparently Eijun was expecting one too, because when Miyuki was silent he stared at him again.
“Yeah, you’re definitely getting sick. Hurry and get in the futon,” Eijun helped Miyuki to his feet, even supporting him a little when Miyuki was still kind of unsteady.
I’m pathetic, Miyuki thought to himself as Eijun basically tucked him into his own futon, though not very delicately. Why did I come here? I should have just gotten a cheap room somewhere...
“Sawamura… thanks.” Miyuki said it genuinely, though Eijun still gave him a look of instant distrust.
Miyuki looked at Eijun again in the moonlight, really looked at him, and knew why he had come here instead of anywhere else. He had always known, really, but he wasn’t about to admit it. Not like any of that mattered now, though.
“I’m… sorry.”
When he muttered an apology Eijun’s distrust became outright disbelief, and he put his hand against Miyuki’s forehead to check for a fever.
“Okay, you’re definitely really, really sick. Maybe not a fever, but something’s weird. Weirder than usual.”
“It’s called an anxiety attack. They happen sometimes,” Miyuki told him finally, suddenly just really wanting Eijun to stop touching him or looking at him or doing any of his Eijun things around him.
“Anxiety attack? Like getting anxious from the nightmare?” Eijun looked confused, but at least he took his hand off Miyuki’s head. Then, being Eijun, he just dove right in without any sense of self-preservation.
“What type of nightmare is even that bad?”
Miyuki really, really wanted to hit him, but it wasn’t Eijun’s fault that probably the worst dream he ever had was about baseball or video games or something else that was normal. The worst part was he was actually almost considering telling Eijun what really happened, even if that was the stupidest thing he could probably ever do. In fact, he would pretty much rather die.
“It doesn’t really matter.” Miyuki’s tone was final, and he looked away. “Just go to sleep already, it’s late.”
“If you say so,” Eijun shrugged, though he didn’t turn away just yet. He actually just sat there fidgeting for a second, prompting Miyuki to actually become kind of annoyed with him.
“What? I said go to—“ he began to say, but then Eijun reached out and, absurdly, patted Miyuki’s hair.
“I’m going to regret asking this, but… what the hell are you doing…?”
This time it was Miyuki’s turn to look at Eijun as if he were a strange alien creature. The only reason he hadn’t involuntarily cringed at the touch was due to his utter surprise that this would actually happen.
“I-I don’t know! I just—my mom used to do that for me when I had trouble sleeping, so I just—I didn’t think about it! Argh, just forget about it!“ Eijun became flustered as he attempted and failed to explain himself and waved his arms around dramatically.
Miyuki’s eyes widened. His chest felt funny again, but not in the way that it did during the panic attack. He couldn’t count the number of times he felt a vague sensation like this when he was looking at Eijun, but this was the first time in a long time he felt like he really, really couldn’t make himself stop feeling it. Not with everything else that just happened.
“No.”
Miyuki threw off the covers. He sat up and gripped Eijun’s arm like a vice before finally resting his forehead on Eijun’s shoulder.
“I won’t forget about it,” he said quietly, his heart starting to pound again, slowly this time, and more intensely.
“M-m-m-m-miyu… ki…?” Eijun practically squeaked, frozen in place since Miyuki had grabbed his arm. Miyuki desperately wanted to see what kind of face he was making right now, it was in all likelihood a spectacular one really, but he also couldn’t stop talking like an idiot. Like the full-on, raging idiot that he was being and had been ever since he made the conscious decision to come to Sawamura Eijun’s apartment that night.
“I… I can’t tell you what I dreamt about. I just…” he trailed off, struggling. Why didn’t he just stop talking? It was all going wrong. It was all so very wrong.
“ I… you… I guess I’m… I’m glad you were here.”
The last part was barely a whisper, but Miyuki was so close to Eijun that when he felt Eijun’s shoulders start to shake he figured he’d probably heard it anyway.
“You… complete asshole…”
Eijun cursed at him, then wrapped both his arms around Miyuki and practically crushed their bodies together for how tight he hugged him.
“You’re such a god damned asshole, Miyuki Kazuya,” he said again, though he didn’t let go or even loosen his grip.
Miyuki felt like his head would be spinning into orbit even if it weren’t for the near suffocation caused but Eijun’s ‘hug’, but any sort of movement seemed to be in vain. When did this little punk’s arms get this strong...?!
“You just show your stupid smug face around here all of the sudden, sleep on my floor, wake up all shaky and weird, say actual human things like ‘thanks’ and ‘sorry’, and then you tell me you’re glad?! I hate you so freaking much,” he said angrily, before finally letting go of Miyuki.
“Yeah but… that’s the.. thing about you,” Miyuki said between breaths as he tried to regain the air that was crushed out of his lungs by Eijun.
“You… help people no matter how much you hate them, in the end. Even me.”
Eijun’s face turned bright red. Come to think of it, Miyuki’s own face felt kind of unnaturally warm as well.
“I don’t hate you enough to make you sleep outside, but I’m sure getting there.” Eijun frowned.
“Ha ha! I’m already in your futon, you’ll have to drag me out first.”
Miyuki laughed his usual laughter, but then he did his millionth stupid thing of the night and teasingly patted the space in the futon next to him.
“Or we can share, yanno? Just like the old training camp days when everyone hung out in my room! Ha ha ha!”
Miyuki fully expected Eijun to mutter something about him being evil and turn around, but he was proven terribly wrong when Eijun actually climbed into the futon. It was really quite small for two people even if they both fit somehow.
“Uh, Sawamura? Are you sure you’re not the one getting sick?”
Eijun was lying on his side, facing away from Miyuki, and Miyuki realized uncomfortably that their bodies were pretty close to being nestled together.
“You’re the one who offered. Like hell I wanna sleep on the floor! Stupid Miyuki!”
Even facing away from Miyuki it was still pretty obvious what kind of annoyed expression Eijun was making now, but Miyuki allowed himself to smile a little when he realized all of Eijun’s yelling and violent hugging had somehow dissipated most of the rest of his anxiety. Eijun couldn’t see him do so, after all.
“Well, at least idiots like you are usually the warmest,” he teased.
“I like you better when you’re sick,” Eijun snapped back.
“Haha, thanks!” Miyuki laughed, sounding almost normal again.
“It wasn’t a compliment!”
It was the same old gag they’d been doing since their high school days, but Miyuki felt like he had never been quite this happy to hear it.
“This is a nice futon. I don’t think I’ll get bad dreams in here,” he said cheerfully.
“Shut up and go to sleep, you evil bastard,” Eijun grumbled.
“Yeah,” Miyuki replied, softer this time. ““Good night, Eijun.”
He hadn’t really meant for the first name to slip out, but he would just have to pretend like it was on purpose regardless of Eijun’s reaction. But then Eijun surprised Miyuki again by turning his head towards him briefly with a small pout.
“Good night… Ka-Kazuya.”
Eijun turned his head around after that and very obviously pretended to fall asleep, but Miyuki wasn’t entirely sure he could sleep knowing that he was practically spooning him.
Kazuya.
Mei and them had called him that, and so had a few of his middle school teammates, but… Eijun? Just when he seemed like the most open of books, sometimes Miyuki still really couldn’t predict anything this guy did or said.
That’s what I like best about him, I suppose.
For the first time in nearly his entire life, Miyuki closed his eyes and trusted himself to forget the nightmares for tonight.