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Atsushi couldn’t believe that he was doing this.
He glanced down at the desk sitting in front of him, wearily glossing over the crumpled up sheets of paper that littered the surface. Only one piece of paper was kept intact, seemingly staring back mockingly at Atsushi for the lack of contents that had been written on it.
Atsushi groaned quietly, gripping the pen in his hand tightly as he strives to find inspiration for what to write. He really couldn’t believe that he was doing this.
Before now, Atsushi had never realized how difficult Valentine’s Day could be. There was a certain level of expectation to it as you struggled to find your loved ones the perfect gift, something that you knew they would really enjoy. For some, it was an opportunity to confess your feelings to the person you were romantically interested in, and hope that those sentiments were returned. Looking at the actions of those around him, he could see for himself how stressful the day could be.
However, Atsushi still wanted to participate in the holiday regardless of that. After all, he had never truly been able to celebrate Valentine’s Day before, so he wanted to try and enjoy the day with the people he cared for the most.
He had already prepared friend chocolates for everyone at the agency. If nothing else, they could be a token of his appreciation for everything that they had done for him, and for accepting him into their lives. When it came to preparations for Valentine’s Day, Atsushi had considered that to be the extent of it all.
It wasn’t until Naomi came up to him with a mischievous grin and asked what he was planning to do about Chuuya that Atsushi realized he wasn’t completely finished with setting up for the holiday. Because yeah, he still needed to get something for Chuuya.
He had wondered what to get him since he learned the holiday was approaching, but he couldn’t really come up with anything. The idea of friend chocolates had briefly crossed his mind, but his feelings for Chuuya were entirely too strong to simply gift him with sweets that most considered to be obligatory.
It didn’t help that Naomi, who knew about his crush, had not so subtly threatened him with physical harm if he didn’t do something differently in Chuuya’s case.
In her own unspoken terms, she wanted him to confess.
Atsushi had immediately blushed, hurriedly dismissing her suggestion with frantic gestures. Though after some encouraging words from Naomi – and another loving, albeit blatantly obvious threat – Atsushi had at least given it some consideration. He thought that it might be nice to confess, if only to finally get his feelings out into the open. He knew that he had Naomi rooting for him, and she had seemed strangely confident in the prospect that all would turn out well in the end. It had been infectious enough that it had even made Atsushi momentarily confident.
Although that had quickly changed whenever he actually went through his options.
Now Atsushi’s desk was a mess, and he was no closer to completing his gift than he was before.
And this all stemmed from the fact that he didn’t know what to get Chuuya. Anything that he had thought of previously was either way out of his price range, or something that Chuuya probably already had in his possession. He didn’t know what kind of chocolate the man liked – or if he even liked sweets at all – and he wouldn’t dare approach Dazai to ask about the topic at hand. Ignoring the possibility of Dazai’s mood souring at the mention of his former partner, Atsushi wanted to spare himself the merciless teasing that he KNEW he would have to endure if his mentor discovered why he was collecting the information.
He knew that he couldn’t rely on Chuuya’s inner connections with the Port Mafia either. The few members that he was more familiar with – namely Higuchi and Gin – probably wouldn’t know much. Atsushi shuddered to even think of the reaction he would garner from Akutagawa regarding the subject.
He also didn’t want to ask Kouyou either, even though she was the one who was closest to Chuuya. Despite the fact that she was much more amicable towards him nowadays, Atsushi could only imagine that he would be on the receiving end of her own brand of subdued teasing. It wouldn’t be like Dazai, with his wide grin and suggestive comments. Atsushi figured that it would be like asking Yosano for romantic advice; slow, all-too-knowing smiles and eyes that would glint with mirth. The two women were so similar to each other that it was almost unnerving.
Atsushi sighed, staring down at the paper with a small frown. Out of options, he had decided to resort to an old fashioned love letter. Heat flooded to his cheeks at the mere thought, but it was the only thing he could think of. The problem was that nothing he had written sounded right. Nothing flowed the way that he wanted it to, and rereading through the contents of the letter just felt awkward.
Atsushi groaned quietly as he slumped back against his seat. He was starting to wonder whether or not this was even a good idea. There was no guarantee that Chuuya liked him back. And a handwritten letter was such a small thing to give him. Would it even really be worth it?
But Atsushi really liked Chuuya, and had for a while now. He wanted to get the redhead something for Valentine’s Day, even if his feelings weren’t reciprocated. Atsushi fiddled with the pen in his hand as he began to think. The question was: what should he write? He didn’t really know what writing a love letter entailed. He had certainly never received one himself, and he had never had a reason to make one before now either.
He straightened in his seat as he pondered to himself. Surely in a love letter, it would make sense to compile the reasons why you liked that person, right? All of the little things that they had done to make you fall for them. If nothing else, it was nice to let someone know why you thought they were special.
With an idea to lead off of, Atsushi pondered to himself. All of the things that he liked about Chuuya? That was easy enough.
One of the first things that he had admired in Chuuya, underneath his fire and quick temper, was how kind he could be. The softer side that wouldn’t ever make an appearance in front of the enemy, but became apparent to those that were closest to him. He was good to his subordinates, and amazingly helpful and compassionate where his friends were concerned. Even if he tried to bury it beneath a rough tone and an air of nonchalance.
Atsushi smiled to himself upon thinking about it. He had seen firsthand how Chuuya doted on Akutagawa, making sure that he wasn’t continuously overworking himself. He had even directed this sort of behavior towards Atsushi, asking if he had eaten that day and making sure that he never let Dazai take advantage of his kindness when paperwork was a factor.
The boy sighed fondly to himself, resting his chin against the palm of his hand. Chuuya wasn’t nearly the one note Port Mafia executive that was made to be feared. He was an intimidating adversary, yes, but that wasn’t all that there was to him. He was intelligent, a hard worker, and extremely passionate. He was almost shockingly caring, and Atsushi loved finding out these different facets to his personality. The things that you had to earn in order to see, but was well worth the effort when you did.
Really, there were just so many things that Atsushi liked about Chuuya. And here he was just daydreaming instead of actually penning any of his thoughts down.
Atsushi snapped out of it, flushing darkly as he hurried to start writing.
***************
The next day arrived far more quickly than Atsushi was comfortable with. He stood in front of the entrance to Chuuya’s house, nervously biting his lip as he fidgeted with the letter in his hands. He glanced over it worriedly. He had finally reached a point where he had deemed it acceptable enough to give it to Chuuya, but he still couldn’t help but to be anxious.
He swallowed as he raised his hand, readying himself to knock on the door. It hung in midair as he was seized by even more uncertain thoughts, telling him not to go through with it. He squeezed his eyes shut as he hurriedly struck his knuckles against the wooden surface. He could do this much at least, he wouldn’t allow himself to over think knocking on the door.
He stepped back, the sound of his heart pounding in his ears. There, he had done it. Now all he had to do was wait until Chuuya answered.
A few moments ticked by in silence, which stretched into a full minute. It all felt like an eternity to Atsushi, who was continuing to second guess his plan. Maybe Chuuya wasn't even home. It was completely possible that he had plans, considering what day it was. The thought of Chuuya being on a date with someone filled Atsushi’s stomach with lead, but it was entirely plausible. Maybe this was a sign that he shouldn’t go through with this after all.
Atsushi had resigned himself to this idea, preparing to turn on his heels and head back home. Before he could take a step forward though, the door suddenly opened, causing him to jump in place. Chuuya’s eyes were narrowed almost suspiciously as he looked to see who it was. It vanished within the next blink, lips lifting into a smile as he recognized who was there. Under these circumstances, Atsushi felt like he was pinned beneath the other’s bright gaze.
“Hey Atsushi,” he greeted, leaning his shoulder casually against the door frame. “I didn’t expect to see you here today.”
Suddenly, all of what Atsushi had planned to say spontaneously disappeared.
“I – Sorry, I probably should have called ahead. I wasn’t interrupting anything, was I?” he asked quickly. Chuuya shook his head.
“No, you weren’t interrupting anything at all, don’t worry. Besides, you know I don’t mind when you come over to visit,” he grinned.
“Ah, right,” Atsushi spoke. He tried to smile reassuringly, but it felt strained. Chuuya moved aside, gesturing to the inside of his house.
“Anyway, come on in. Do you want me to get you something to drink while you’re here?”
Atsushi hurriedly waved his hand at the offer.
“No, you don’t need to do that. I wasn’t planning to stay here for very long. A-actually, I came to give you something,” Atsushi explained.
Chuuya raised an eyebrow, sensing that this would take a few minutes. He stepped out in front of Atsushi, shutting the door behind him.
“And what would that be?”
Atsushi nudged his shoe against the dirt, shifting restlessly in place.
“Well, I know that this probably isn’t a very good gift. I wanted to get you something better, but I didn’t know what that could be so I just got you this instead. J-just know that you don’t have to accept it or anything, I just thought that maybe-”
“Atsushi, you’re rambling,” Chuuya interrupted his chattering, watching him in amusement. “What are you so nervous about?”
Atsushi pressed his lips together, wordlessly bringing the envelope out from behind his back. Chuuya glanced at it curiously.
“A letter?” he questioned. Understanding seemed to dawn, and he stared carefully back up at Atsushi. “...Does this have anything to do with what day it is?”
The boy’s throat closed up, making it harder to speak. He instead nodded in a stilted manner, holding out the envelope for Chuuya to take if he chose to do so. Time seemed frozen as Atsushi stood there, peeking at Chuuya from his peripheral vision. The redhead looked surprised, studying Atsushi as if to gauge whether or not he was being truthful. When he seemed to decide that this wasn’t any sort of trick, he reached a gloved hand forward in order to take the letter.
That was promising, wasn’t it? Surely Chuuya had to know the purpose of Atsushi writing that letter. It must have been good that he was planning on reading it. At least that’s what Atsushi tried to convince himself of.
But as Atsushi continued to worry about the potential outcome, the more that his own self-doubt began to persist. It was still possible that he didn’t feel the same way. This could have been out of mere curiosity to find out what Atsushi had written. The fact that Chuuya was going to read it didn’t have to mean anything.
Not to mention that Atsushi had written so many embarrassing things in that letter. All of it was true of course, but what were the chances of Chuuya finding the entire situation strange? If he didn’t return Atsushi’s feelings, would that create a rift between them? Was there a possibility that Chuuya would decide to not be his friend any longer?
Atsushi froze in place. That was the last thing that he wanted.
Atsushi retracted the letter just as Chuuya’s fingertips were about to come into contact with the paper. Chuuya stilled, snapping his head back up to stare at Atsushi as the boy clutched the envelope to his chest.
“Ah, a-actually, you don’t want to read this-”
“I do,” Chuuya interrupted what he was about to say next, a frown appearing on his face. “If it’s about whatever you wrote, then you don’t have to worry about it.”
“T-that’s not it!” Atsushi denied, taking several steps back. “I just realized that it would probably be better to get you something else. Here, I can go do that right now – you like chameleons, don’t you?”
“Atsushi,” Chuuya caught his wrist in his hand before he was able to swivel on his heels. “I don’t care about any of that. I want to read what you wrote.”
A small struggle ensued, with both participants trying to take possession of the note.
“R-really, it’s not-”
“Dammit, just let me-”
Chuuya made an attempt to grab the letter, leading to Atsushi twisting his torso to hold it out of his reach above his head. It was only a second later that he realized how horrible of a mistake that truly was.
The mafioso’s eye twitched, irritation clearly laced throughout those blue orbs.
“Alright, fine. If that’s how it’s gonna be,” Chuuya muttered, his tone clipped as he glared up at Atsushi.
The boy gulped.
He was turning around on his feet in a split second to try and escape, but Chuuya was one step ahead of him. He reached out, grabbing a hold of Atsushi’s arm before pulling the boy back towards him. Atsushi tried breaking out of his grip, but only ended up slipping and falling backwards. His back slammed against the door, resounding with a solid thud. Chuuya crowded in front of him before he was able to shift his position, now keeping a firm grip on his wrists.
“Seriously, would you just let me-”
Chuuya’s speech broke off, his grip on Atsushi’s arms going slack.
Atsushi paused as well, wondering why the other male had gone quiet. He carefully turned his head, immediately coming face to face with Chuuya.
Atsushi’s breath hitched in surprise, unable to even draw back. Cerulean blue eyes were boring deeply into his own, leaving him feeling vulnerable, but unable to move away. He couldn’t decipher the expression on Chuuya’s face, he only knew that he was staring intently back at Atsushi.
Some awareness of their current situation seemed to light up Chuuya’s facial features. His gaze quickly flickered down, settling for just an instant on Atsushi’s mouth. His fingers twitched against the other’s skin, briefly tightening his hold on the teen’s wrists. He began to lean slowly forward, causing Atsushi’s eyes to widen.
No way. He wasn’t possibly about to…
But it seemed as though he was. The closer that Chuuya leaned in, the more that Atsushi’s heart began to pound away in his chest. Their noses softly bumped together, close enough to feel their breath ghosting against each other's lips. Chuuya’s eyelids slipped closed, and Atsushi could feel every nerve within him sparking with anticipation.
He screwed his eyes tightly shut, clenching his trembling hands at his sides. He could feel strands of Chuuya’s hair tickling the side of his face, and Atsushi held his breath. It was about the only thing that he was capable of doing at that moment.
Suddenly, the paper was snatched from his hands, utterly shattering the moment. Atsushi’s eyes were ripped open, his mouth dropping in astonishment.
“What – hey!” he exclaimed.
He tried to leap forward to retrieve his letter, but found that he was stuck. He stared in shock, finding himself enveloped with the scarlet aura that manifested from Chuuya’s ability. He had been rendered unable to move.
“Chuuya-san, that was a dirty trick!”
Although, Atsushi supposed that he had only himself to blame for falling for it in the first place. Embarrassment coiled at his insides, blood boiling shamefully in his veins. He couldn’t believe that he actually thought that Chuuya had been about to kiss him. He should have been able to see through such an obvious ploy.
“Sorry Atsushi.” Chuuya did not appear sorry in the slightest, but he did reach forward to sympathetically pat the boy on the shoulder. “You know what they say though: all is fair.”
“That’s only in love and war,” Atsushi remarked bitterly.
“Well, today is the day of love,” Chuuya smirked as he began to tear open the envelope. Atsushi’s displeasure bled away into panic as he began to stammer.
“Ah, hold on! C-can you at least let me revise it?”
“Nope,” Chuuya denied easily, pulling the letter out and smoothing the edges.
Atsushi continued to struggle in place despite how pointless it was.
“I can write you another one instead!” he desperately offered.
“Not interested. I’ve already got a letter right here,” Chuuya commented simply.
Atsushi, recognizing how futile the situation was, slumped back with resignation. Chuuya started to read over the letter, his eyes traveling over the page. He paused as he approached the middle, and Atsushi looked away. He peeked over nervously every so often, anxious to know of Chuuya’s reaction.
After some time, he neared the end of the letter. He stood completely still as he continued to stare at the note, his expression unreadable. Atsushi swallowed thickly, looking down at the ground. It was quiet for the longest time, forcing Atsushi to confront his frantic thoughts. This had been such a mistake.
“I’m sorry...I-”
“Did you mean it?”
Atsushi blinked at the interjection. He glanced up at Chuuya, who was looking at him seriously.
“Did you mean what you wrote?” he clarified.
This could have been a way out. A way to deny everything and save himself the rejection. But Atsushi had already come this far, and he didn’t want to lie. He nodded slowly, turning his gaze to the side. Chuuya didn’t say anything in response, so Atsushi began to rush through his words.
“I know it’s silly, but if you want then we can just pretend that I never gave that to you. I know that it’s weird, and you don’t have to accept it-”
A hand cupping his jaw stopped his next words in their tracks. His face was angled to the other side, bringing him to meet Chuuya’s lips. A strangled sound escaped Atsushi’s throat, his eyes widening drastically. The kiss was incredibly chaste, and ended just as quickly as it had begun. Chuuya pulled away, and Atsushi stumbled forward upon realizing that he could move again. Atsushi gaped at Chuuya, who crossed his arms nonchalantly.
“You really do worry too much. I never said that I didn’t like your letter,” he pointed out. Despite the causal tone of his voice, Chuuya was grinning widely. “It was just the opposite.”
A blush rose to Atsushi’s cheeks, his stomach erupting with butterflies.
“You...You mean that you liked it?”
“Yep,” Chuuya smiled. The corner of his lips raised mischievously as he passed by Atsushi, laying his hand on the boy’s shoulder. “And don’t worry, I’m already planning to get you something just as good for White Day.”
He raised himself onto his toes while using Atsushi’s shoulder as leverage. He quickly pecked the younger male’s cheek, causing Atsushi’s complexion to darken even further. Chuuya stepped back down, smiling fondly at him.
“Thanks for the gift, Atsushi.”
He walked away with those as his parting words, leaving Atsushi dumbfounded. It was only when the door clicked shut behind him that Atsushi raised a hand to his mouth, a delayed reaction from the previous events. He brushed a finger across his bottom lip, his face beginning to burn. He wasn’t sure what Chuuya had in mind for White Day, but Atsushi would surely be looking forward to it.