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“Can't sleep?”
Seongwu looked up from the sheet of paper that had been decorated with a lot of colorful, more or less helpful annotations and doodles over the last two weeks. He didn't really need it anymore - his lyrics, the whole song, really, had already become ingrained in his brain. He doubted he could forget them if he wanted to, but it was a habit, and he'd been mentally going through the performance a last time before going to sleep. Most of the others were already passed out on their beds, and wisely so.
He wasn't really surprised to see Daniel standing next to his bed, hugging his pillow to his chest like a child, with an only badly disguised hopeful expression on his face.
It was endearing, if he was honest, and that was why Seongwu decided to forego a sarcastic comment about how Daniel hadn't even given him a chance to try and fall asleep in favor of a crooked smile.
“Nervous?” he asked back, patting his mattress next to him.
It didn't take Daniel two seconds to clamber up into the bed, making himself comfortable on what Seongwu was willing to bet was more than half of the mattress and hogging Seongwu’s blanket in the process.
But Seongwu was weak to Daniel, there was no denying that, weak to his bunny grin and his absolute insolence, and at this point Daniel knew he could get away with next to anything when it came to Seongwu.
There was a pointed cough from the bed across from Seongwu’s, and when he looked up, he could see Jisung roll his eyes at him before their hyung turned around, facing the wall instead to sleep - also very pointedly.
Seongwu just grinned and poked Daniel’s side with sharp fingers until Daniel made an unwilling noise and relented to making enough space for Seongwu to at least lie down next to him. The second he was settled, Daniel cuddled closer to him again, burrowing himself into Seongwu’s side.
He had gotten used to this - Daniel’s excessive thirst for skinship and contact, hand holding and hugging and cuddling. He was almost as bad as Seonho was, and that was not an easy achievement.
It should be uncomfortable, or at least awkward, because Daniel was very tall and very broad, and Seongwu was just that centimeter shorter, with a slightly smaller frame, but it wasn’t.
Somehow, Daniel was able to curl into Seongwu’s side just right, comfortably, with his head on the older boy's shoulder and Seongwu’s arm around Daniel's waist.
They fit perfectly together, they had ever since Seongwu had walked in on Daniel sitting on the floor of their break room, phone in hand, shaking and close to tears. He had looked up at Seongwu, eyes wider than the elder had ever seen them, and terrified. “Hyung,” he had choked out, voice breaking, “hyung, what have I done?”
Daniel had already been sitting there for more than an hour, he had later revealed, muffled against Seongwu’s shoulder, reading hateful comments telling him to just leave the show or worse things, or calling him ugly names, all for changing the number of cat emoji on his Instagram profile - which, Seongwu thought, had been a stupid thing to do in the first place, but it didn't justify this backlash. It had not been a crime so bad that it should have turned Daniel, dependable, stable, positive Daniel, who went through his life with infallible optimism, into a trembling mess.
Daniel had clung to Seongwu like to a lifeline that night, tears seeping into the elder's shoulder at one point, and Seongwu had never felt so protective of anyone. They had stayed there, on the floor, for hours, Seongwu shooing out the occasional trainee stumbling in, until Seongwu’s legs were numb and Daniel was asleep on his shoulder, steady breath brushing against the older boy's neck.
Only then had Seongwu texted Jisung, who had in turn brought Jinwoo, both of them quietly thanking him for taking care of Daniel, before coaxing their maknae off his shoulder and promising to see him safely to his bed, while Seongwu had gone back to their practice room, apologizing to the rest of their team for their sudden disappearance and then had set to make up for the time they had lost.
They had been close before that, had become friends during their shared time in the A class and then while preparing for their Sorry Sorry performance in the group battles, but the incident had established a comfortable intimacy between them that had lasted through the weeks. Seongwu had become the person Daniel relied on, next to his hyungs from MMO of course, and it had easily progressed to the point where Daniel had cheekily declared that Seongwu had stolen Jisung’s spot as his favorite hyung. Jisung, angel that he was, had graciously given up the position. (Actually, he had called Daniel an ungrateful brat and confiscated the younger boy's dessert for revenge. And then Seongwu’s dessert, too. Seongwu hadn't really minded.)
And then - things had just escalated. Daniel had started invading Seongwu’s personal space at any possible moment, sleeping in Seongwu’s bed whenever Seongwu would allow him - so almost always, except for a few times when Daniel had been so tired he'd fallen asleep on his own bed while waiting for Seongwu to come back from showering.
It wasn't like Seongwu didn't reciprocate, didn't counter every hug and touch with one of his own, but it didn't help the sneaking suspicion that it didn't mean the same thing to Daniel as it did to him.
Truth was, Seongwu had fallen fast and hard. He didn't know when, exactly, but he remembered turning around to crack a stupid joke, just to see Daniel laugh - not that that was hard to achieve, Daniel laughed at everything - and realizing that the reason he liked to see this perpetually embarrassed kid laugh so much was that he was in love with him. Had been for a while, he'd just taken this long to realize it.
Jisung knew. Jisung had known probably before Seongwu himself. Minhyun did, too, and Jaehwan, probably, which also meant Jonghyun most likely knew, and Dongho because Jaehwan and Dongho were both incredibly fond of gossip. Honestly, Seongwu guessed that at least half of the remaining trainees knew.
Daniel probably did, too.
Seongwu sighed, stilling the hand that was absentmindedly carding through Daniel's freshly dyed hair - Seongwu didn't even know how to describe the color, ash-brown-silverish with hints of lilac, which should not look good but somehow did - when he felt the boy shift restlessly.
“Are you scared of tomorrow?” he asked, voice low as to not disturb the others. This was the most important night, and they all should be getting as much rest as possible.
Daniel shifted again, before he reached up to press Seongwu’s hand back down on his head.
Seongwu snorted at him but complied, tousling the hair and gently rubbing his scalp.
“Yeah,” Daniel replied. “What if I don't make it? What if I was just everyone's second choice? Guanlin dropped 18 ranks, you can't be sure of anything. Or what if Jisung-hyung doesn't make it - you know how important this is for him. What if I make it and he doesn't - I could never look him in the eye again.”
“You'll make it,” Seongwu replied confidently. “There's no way you won't. You've got all the noonas on your side, remember?”
Daniel snorted softly. “I probably scared them away with my horrible aegyo. And with my awkwardness during the center evaluation.”
Seongwu grinned. “Yes, that was quite a sight. No trace of the sexy Kang Daniel from the Open Up stage,” he teased lightly. “I've never seen you fumbling that much on stage.”
Daniel pinched his side in revenge, startling an indignant yelp out of Seongwu.
Jisung cleared his throat.
“Come on, Daniel, stop worrying so much.” Seongwu’s voice was soft. “No one would leave you for that. It probably made them fall even harder for you. I know I was charmed by you.”
Daniel moved his head slightly, peeking up at him. “Really?” he asked, playing coy, but Seongwu could hear the smile lining his voice, see it in the curve of Daniel's eyes.
The dark-haired boy rolled his eyes dramatically. “Yes. I joined the long line of your victims. You're my fixed pick. I voted for you every day, religiously.”
Daniel burst out in surprised laughter, turning his face to muffle it into Seongwu’s shirt.
“I'll be very upset if I find out I'm not your fixed pick,” Seongwu added for good measure, just to make Daniel's laugh last longer, to be able to feel the boy's body shaking with it, his warm breath filtering through Seongwu’s shirt.
This was what Seongwu was good at - making people laugh, using his expressions and voice and acting skills.
There was a cheeky twinkle in Daniel's eyes when he finally looked back up. “Sorry, Seongwu,” he said, and Seongwu thought again of how he should reprimand Daniel for his insolent disregard of his seniority, but he'd given up pretending to care ages ago. “My fixed pick is Jisung-hyung. Although I tried voting for myself once when I still had a phone.”
There was a very satisfied “Ha!”, half muffled into a pillow but still very much audible in the quiet room.
Seongwu faked a hurt face. “This is upsetting. I am upset. Also, Jisung-hyung is going to lord that over me forever. Take responsibility.” He had meant for it to be a joke, to keep the atmosphere light and teasing and distract Daniel and himself from their worries, but instead he could see how Daniel's expression softened into sincerity.
“That just means we'll all have to debut together,” he said, matter-of-factly, and then, after a short pause, “Are you worried?”
Seongwu shrugged, breaking eye contact to stare at the ceiling. “Of course I am. You said it yourself - no one is safe.”
Daniel was quiet for a moment - a long moment, so long that Seongwu almost thought he wouldn’t get a reply, that Daniel had fallen asleep. “I can't imagine it,” he said, finally, voice drowsy. “Can't imagine the group without you. Can't... imagine debuting without you.” His words drifted off towards the end, mellowing into sleep.
Seongwu just hoped he was too far gone to notice the violent jump Seongwu’s heart made, the way he jerked his head down to stare at Daniel.
This was... they hadn't talked about feelings so far, knowing they were on a timer, knowing what they had might end with the finale.
This was the closest he had come to hearing how Daniel felt about him, and it had his heart trying to beat out of his chest.
Jisung stayed quiet, for once, and Seongwu fell asleep to the sounds of Daniel mumbling in his dreams.
When Seongwu woke up the next morning without Daniel wrapped around him, he couldn’t shake the uneasiness settling in his stomach. There actually no reason for it, rationally, as Seongwu was known to be a deep sleeper, and this was by far not the first time that Daniel had managed to sneak out of bed without Seongwu even stirring in his sleep. Yet, somehow, something felt off.
He exchanged a quick look with Jisung who raised an eyebrow at him, face unreadable, but didn’t seem very worried, so Seongwu just pulled a face and got dressed. He was busy looking for his phone to see if his mother had messaged him when Jisung stuck his head back through the door and asked him to come to breakfast, and Daniel still hadn't shown up.
However, when they entered the dining room, Daniel was already there, happily munching himself through a bowl of cereal, and Seongwu felt more than a little silly for worrying. What had he thought had happened? Daniel being kidnapped? Or drowning himself in the shower? It wasn't like he could have left the building with the constant surveillance they were all under, since, even though the cameras in the training and break rooms had already been removed over the last few days, there were usually people guarding the doors to ward off unauthorized people like reporters and stalkers.
There was a flicker of uncertainty in Daniel’s eyes when he answered “Yes, I'm fine” to Seongwu’s question about how he had slept, and a slight strain at the corner of his lips when he laughed at one of Jisung’s comments, but they were all nervous and tense, so Seongwu dismissed it without a second thought.
The day progressed in a whirlwind of chaos. They were shipped from the dorms to the venue. There were soundchecks, briefings, they were instructed where to stand, where to go, what to do, songs were practiced a last time, stage outfits were fixed, and before Seongwu knew it they were told to go get their hair and makeup done - and Daniel was nowhere to be found.
Seongwu was in the process of sitting down in the chair that Youngmin had just vacated to let the makeup artist try and make him look a little less tired - not that he didn’t look stunning as it was, he knew that, obviously - when he heard a frantic girl calling for “Kang Daniel-ssi?” repeatedly, with no small amount of desperation in her voice.
His head reacted to the name as automatically as if it was his own, spotting the female staff sporting a headset and a clipboard moving through the crowd of trainees - both the finalists and the ones there for their final appearance - and other staff members, repeatedly calling for Daniel, before Seongwu started looking around the room as well.
Where was Daniel? When had Seongwu seen him last? He’d been there for lunch, and then they had gone through the songs - It’s me and Always and Hands On Me and then… and then? Seongwu racked his brain. Daniel had left, saying he needed to use the toilet. But he hadn’t come back, which Seongwu had missed because of the general whirl of things, trying to calm down the kids, and joking around with Jaehwan.
A worried knot formed in his stomach and when the makeup artist approached, sponges and brushes ready, he waved her off and told her to do someone else’s makeup first, he would be right back. She frowned at him and protested - if he wasn’t ready on time she would probably be blamed for it - but he just flashed her his most charming smile and promised to be back in half an hour, tops.
Jisung was already headed towards him, worry written clearly in his eyes, and Seongwu shook his head before Jisung had even be able to get the question out.
“No, I don’t know where he is, either. I last saw him, let me think, about an hour ago? How about you?”
Jisung shook his head. “Longer than that. Do you know where he went?”
“He said toilet, but unless he drowned in it, I don’t think he’s still there,” replied Seongwu, already starting towards the door. “Let’s go find him, hyung.”
They systematically started searching rooms - makeup, hair, changing rooms, toilets, cafeteria, and all the while Seongwu was mentally berating himself for not trusting his gut when he had sensed something off this morning.
They were opening doors on some floor Seongwu was quite sure they weren’t supposed to be on - it looked like offices, although the ones they had looked into so far were all empty, and Seongwu was contemplating going back, maybe Daniel had returned at this point - when Jisung pushed open a door that had been slightly ajar, and let out a sigh of relief.
There he was - sitting on the floor, legs crossed, scrolling through something on a phone that wasn’t his, couldn’t be, because both his and Jisung’s phones had been confiscated by their company after his stunt on Instagram.
Seongwu was so relieved that he squatted down on the floor, breathing deeply.
“Daniel,” Jisung said sharply. “What are you doing?”
The boy on the floor jumped, startled, and jerked his head up to look at them. When he recognized who had found him, he deflated. “Sorry, hyung,” Daniel offered with a shaky smile, and only now Seongwu noticed how pale Daniel was, the shadows in his face, the scared expression in his eyes. He extended the phone in his hand towards Jisung without even having to be asked for it - Seongwu’s phone, he realized with a start, no wonder he hadn’t been able to find it.
Jisung took it silently, and stared at it for a moment, before looking back at Daniel. “Heavens, Niel, you look like shit,” he said quietly. “Have you slept at all tonight, or is this what you’ve been doing? Stealing Seongwu’s phone to look at all the shit people write about you?”
Seongwu buried his face into his hands.
Daniel at least sounded appropriately admonished when he replied, “I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep, and I didn't want to wake any of you. I wasn't planning to look at comments, I promise, I was just writing an email to my mom, and she was so excited about all the articles about me lately, so I looked them up, and…”
“Did you even look at the top comments, the positive ones, or did you go straight to the hate comments? From the people who would hate on you no matter what you do? For things that aren’t your fault? And then what, after we were done rehearsing you thought Oh, let me just go hide for a bit to make myself feel more like shit before the most important night of my career ?” Seongwu’s voice had a sharp edge to it and when he lifted his face out of his hands, he could see Daniel flinch.
“I…” Daniel sounded helpless. “I’m sorry.”
Jisung sighed, shooting Seongwu a disapproving glance that immediately made him feel guilty, and squatted down in front of Daniel, taking the boy’s face between his hands.
“We’re not mad at you,” he said decisively. “We’re just worried . None of us can afford to mess up today, and you haven’t slept and we all know all the hateful things will stay in your head and keep you from focusing, and today is really not the day for that. Also… Daniel, we all have bad things written about us. Believe me, I fell into the hole of hate comments, too, and there are a lot more things to hate about me than there are about you.”
Daniel opened his mouth to protest, to defend Jisung like he always did, but Jisung clamped his hand over Daniel’s mouth. “There will always be people who don’t like you. You can’t keep doing this if you can’t handle them.”
Seongwu didn’t even have to look at him to know that the disgusted yell and the way Jisung stumbled backwards and fell onto his butt meant that Daniel had licked his hand. “Niel-”
The dark-haired boy stood up, resolutely. “Hyung, would you leave us alone for a moment?”
Both heads turned into his direction. Jisung raised an eyebrow at him while Daniel looked downright terrified, and Seongwu almost laughed at him.
“Please,” he said, returning Jisung’s gaze steadily.
It took a few seconds, but finally Jisung nodded and got up from the floor, turning towards the door.
“Make sure no one comes in,” Seongwu added, fixing his stare on Daniel.
That statement had Jisung hesitating, hand already on the handle. “Seongwu…”
“Just trust me, okay? I just need ten minutes, and then we can give him to the stylists so they can try to fix this mess.” He flashed Jisung a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry, I won’t beat him up because he stole my phone. Knock in ten minutes, and we'll be right out.”
Jisung turned away, mumbling something that sounded like “I’m more worried about you” and closed the door behind him with a final click.
Daniel looked like a trapped animal when Seongwu started walking towards him. “Hyung, hyung, I’m sorry, I…”
“I'm not mad,” Seongwu repeated Jisung’s earlier words. He felt cool, every step precise and calculated. “Maybe a bit mad because you stole my phone - but mostly I'm just frustrated at you. I don't understand why you're doing this to yourself.”
Daniel looked down on his hands, stretching out his legs. “Yeah, I doubt anyone is calling you ugly or a cheater or saying you're only there because M-net favors you.”
Seongwu snorted. He stopped in front of Daniel but didn't give himself the opportunity to hesitate.
Daniel startled when Seongwu sat down on top of him, straddling his thighs.
“Seongwu, what…” he started, the automatic smile stretching his lips that was a surefire way to tell he was flustered, but the older didn't let him finish.
“You really think there's nobody out there who thinks I shouldn't be here, and who is talking shit about me on the internet to let people know that? You're naive. The difference is, I have accepted that not everyone is going to like me, and I'm not going looking for it.” Daniel was staring at him, mouth slack, and Seongwu took that as a win. He smirked at him while slipping a hand around the nape of Daniel's neck, burying his fingers in the violet hair. “So, back to you and your stupidity. You stayed up half the night reading hate comments, and continued even now, knowing that you'll have to perform in a few hours and every single one of those comments will come back to haunt you on stage, right?”
Daniel was still staring, but at the last words he set his jaw, expression turning stubborn. “I'll be fine- ”
“Will you?” Seongwu interrupted him. “Will you really? Do I need to remind you of the nights you couldn't sleep because of this? Can you promise me you won't be affected this time?”
Daniel stayed silent. There was doubt clear in his eyes, and fear in the way he bit down on his lip.
“That's what I thought,” Seongwu mumbled, tugged Daniel's head back by his hair. Took a deep breath. “But don't worry, I'll give you something else to think about.”
Confusion ghosted over Daniel's face when Seongwu leaned forward, and a startled noise escaped his throat when the older boy pressed their lips together.
Seongwu closed his eyes. Daniel's lips were salty, doubtlessly from one of his snacks, but they were soft and full and yeah okay, maybe Seongwu was enjoying this a bit too much. Maybe his reasons for doing this were more selfish than making Daniel forget about stupid comments and senseless hate. But where was the harm if it profited both of them?
There were a few seconds of Daniel responding tentatively to the kiss, confusion in every move and touch, before he apparently caught up to what was happening and went completely stiff under his hands, but it only made Seongwu press forward harder, pushing closer, urging Daniel to respond.
And he did. After a few more moments, Daniel's lips softened, and the tension went out of his shoulders. With a sigh that shot heat right down Seongwu’s spine, Daniel gave in, opening his mouth to let Seongwu in.
Seongwu could feel Daniel's hands flutter uncertainly at his legs, not quite daring to touch, until the older boy reached down to guide one of Daniel's hands onto his thigh which apparently lowered Daniel’s inhibition enough that Seongwu could feel large hands curving around his thighs, leaving hot hand prints.
Seongwu felt dizzy, high on the moment, high on Daniel who was getting bolder by the second, his hands slowly wandering up Seongwu’s thigh and his lips moving more confidently and insistently against the other’s.
It was enough to almost make him forget about where they were, about what day it was, and about why everything he was doing was completely out of line.
But Daniel wasn't complaining either.
Daniel went down with a startled yelp when Seongwu gave his shoulders a shove, scrambling to catch himself on his hands and failing when Seongwu pushed against his shoulders again with a bit more strength.
The older boy dived after him immediately, making sure Daniel didn’t hit his head on the ground, and chasing plush lips with his own while relishing in the way their bodies aligned.
They were both breathing hard at this point, and it would be easy, so easy, to just move his hips a bit, get them into the right position, he could have Daniel moaning under him ---
The sound of a hand knocking on the door resounded through the room, and Daniel froze. He seemed disoriented, blinking up at Seongwu with heavy lids when the elder pulled away slowly, reluctantly. There was white noise filling his head, drowning out his thoughts, which was probably a good thing because Daniel looked positively sinful , lips red and swollen, hair spread into all direction and his cheeks flushed a pretty pink. Seonho had amused them all before with his renarration of how Daniel had taught him his ‘sexy look’ for the Open Up stage, but this, this was the real deal. Seongwu wanted to - no . He shut the thought down before it could spread. This was it, this was where he would stop, where he had to stop.
Seongwu sat up. Pushed himself onto his feet, his movements mechanical. Offered Daniel a hand.
Daniel stared at him. “Seongwu, what the fuck- ”
Another knock, and Jisung’s worried voice, muffled by the door. “Seongwu, we’re running out of time, come on.”
Seongwu couldn’t remember the last time it had taken him so much effort to pull on his actor’s face, to mask the way he was falling apart and give Daniel a teasing smirk, but somehow he did it. “There, that should do it. Now get up and get your ass to the stylists, we have a show to win.”
He could see a miniscule frown tugging on Daniel’s eyebrows, on the corners of his mouth that Seongwu was trying to avoid looking at too closely, and Daniel’s eyes were flitting over Seongwu’s face, noting all the tiny details that were off in his expression and his words.
He was preparing to joke his way out of the situation as usual, when Daniel’s gaze dropped from Seongwu’s face, fixing onto his shoulder instead. There was forced lightness in Daniel's voice and a smile that could maybe fool the whole nation but would never fool Seongwu because it was too tight at the edges, just a bit too wide, on Daniel’s face, when he said, “Sorry for worrying you, hyung. You didn’t have to do that - I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.” He pushed himself up, ignoring Seongwu’s hand, and avoiding his gaze, but the smile was still there, crinkling up his eyes. The blush was still on his cheeks as well - however, it was hot, uncomfortable instead of his usual embarrassment or the flush of arousal he had just sported a minute earlier. “See you later, okay? You don’t have to worry, I won’t mess up our performance.”
Seongwu stood frozen when Daniel walked past him, opening the door. He could feel shame and dread, hot and cold, curling in his stomach, and the white noise was back, more prominent than ever.
The next thing he noticed was Jisung’s hand, gentle as always, on his back, and then kind, worried, brown eyes staring up into his own. Jisung sighed. “Seongwu,” he started gingerly, but then cut off, seemingly not knowing what to say.
It was easy to sink into Jisung’s arms when the older boy hugged him in silence.
This had been a mistake. Seongwu had messed up - maybe irreparably.
It was obvious because, even though Daniel wasn't avoiding him, wasn't ignoring him, the boy had no poker face whatsoever. He would be a miserable actor.
Daniel was uncomfortable, embarrassed, and not in the good way, the way Seongwu liked, that he tried to provoke on purpose every so often (usually with success).
So the older boy did whatever came to his mind to ease Daniel’s embarrassment - made sure they were never alone together, took care not to get too close, to be too touchy-feely or too pushy.
He could see the other trainees taking notice all around them, exchanging questioning glances, but what was he supposed to do?
It didn't help, though. If anything, it seemed to bother Daniel even more, and by the time they were backstage, less than half an hour from going live on national TV, Daniel's ears burned a steady, humiliated shade of red, and he seemed anything but focused.
And it was Seongwu’s fault.
Daniel yelped when Seongwu took him by the elbow, dragging him away from the other boys wordlessly. “Seongwu-”
The dark-haired boy just shoved Daniel forward, pinning him down with his stare when Daniel turned around to look at him. “Okay, spit it out,” he commanded. “What's the issue?”
Daniel blinked at him. “Hyung, I don’t-”
“Bullshit,” Seongwu said bluntly. “Something is off. You’re off. And we have about 20 minutes to fix it because we’re not going on stage like this.”
Daniel pressed his lips together for a moment. “I don’t- I mean- That, earlier? I just…” He looked away and scratched his neck, looking flustered. “I mean, I really liked it, okay? But, I’m just wondering, you know. Because I’m not sure… I don’t know how you… What that, that, uh, thing, I mean, I’m not sure what you-”
“Stop overthinking,” Seongwu told him, much more harshly than he meant to, but it hurt, and he was sick of acting indifferent. Seeing Daniel stammer about, not knowing how to reject him, hurt. Saying these next words hurt even more. “Yes, we kissed. It was probably a stupid choice on my part, but I needed you to get out of your head. That's it, that's all there is to it. Stop turning this into something it isn't.”
Daniel's expression turned from flustered to hurt faster than Seongwu could follow, and then to a peculiar shade of open vulnerability. “I see,” he said, biting down on his lip.
Seongwu would say Daniel was an open book, except that he had no idea what those expressions meant, how he was supposed to read them, and Daniel’s ongoing refusal to meet his eyes didn't help it. If Daniel was an open book, he was a book written in a different language, in one Seongwu barely understood.
But either way, it was obvious that Daniel was not okay, and it was Seongwu’s responsibility to fix it.
He sighed. “I’m sorry, Niel,” he said sincerely, stepping closer and wrapping slim fingers around Daniel’s biceps. He could feel the tension running through Daniel’s muscles, and squeezed them lightly. “I shouldn’t have acted on impulse earlier, and I shouldn’t have yelled at you just now. Is there something I can do?”
This finally got Daniel to look at him, eyes dark. Seongwu could see things working, thoughts turning behind those eyes, until, at last, Daniel tilted his head slightly and smiled. It was almost his usual, slightly embarrassed smile, and Seongwu nearly let out a breath of relief.
“Can you kiss me again?” Daniel asked.
What.
“What,” Seongwu replied flatly.
Daniel turned slightly pink, but repeated his words anyway. “Kiss me,” he said. “Just, to wish me good luck? So I can, you know…” He trailed off.
Seongwu most definitely didn’t know, but he was afraid to ask. This was not what he had expected, at all, but he would just go with it - anything to not get them into this mess any deeper than they already were, to not damage their relationship any more than it already was. “Okay,” he heard himself say woodenly, then gave himself a mental slap.
He tilted his head and showed Daniel a teasing smirk. If this was what was needed so they could put this behind them - preferably in the next ten minutes - then this was the part he would play.
Daniel was watching him expectantly when Seongwu took a step forward, close enough so that he could feel Daniel’s chest rising with each breath he took.
He stopped when their lips were just inches from each other, their breath mingling in the space between them, and in the end it was Daniel who leaned forward, closing the distance.
Daniel tasted and smelled like makeup, and his lips were sticky from lip-tint and chapstick, but they were still full and soft and warm, almost hot.
And just as fast, they were gone. Seongwu blinked in confusion to see Daniel taking a step back, and then another one, the blush even more prominent than before.
This was not what he had expected. Seongwu had been prepared for another heated makeout session, for either of them backing the other against a wall, for ruffled hair and smudged make-up and frantic styling staff.
“Thank you,” Daniel said, smiling just enough so his bunny teeth were visible, pressed against his bottom lip.
Seongwu stared at them, and then he stared at Daniel’s neck that he had planned to taste because this was the only opportunity he would get for this, and then he stared at Daniel.
For a moment, he considered doing something dramatic, something out of a movie. Saying “You call that a kiss?” and dragging Daniel forward by his jacket to just take what he wanted.
Only that moment passed, and he almost laughed at himself. He was not an actor in a rom-com, and this was not what Daniel wanted.
So he didn't. Instead he tried to ignore the soft flutter in his stomach at the thought that all that Daniel had wanted was that short, sweet peck.
The broadcast mostly went by in a rush, and Seongwu barely remembered any details. Even the breaks, and the obnoxious drawn-out waiting to heighten the suspense, were merely short periods of tense silence for him.
Daniel performed well, with no sign of his earlier discomposure. Apparently the talk had really helped him just put it all behind him, Seongwu noted with a certain bitterness.
Seongwu on the other hand purely relied on his acting skills and habit to get him through their first performance before mentally shaking himself and pulling himself together for the other songs because - this was just as important for him as it was for Daniel. Much more than a broken heart rested on this night, and he couldn’t afford to mess it up.
He directed a tight smile at Jisung who was throwing him concerned glances every once in a while, and locked the earlier events away into the back of his head to be dealt with when all of this was over and he was alone and free.
Later, he remembered being happy for every trainee whose name was called. He remembered his stomach clenching with worry and nervousness every time that name wasn't his, and then the sweet, overwhelming rush of relief when it finally was.
He remembered his first instinct being to hug Daniel, and being hugged back just as tightly, both of them laughing and being close to tears at the same time.
Watching the rest of the names being called and almost collapsing in relief when Daniel's face appeared on-screen because they had made it. Both of them, and Jisung, and Jaehwan and Woojin and Minhyun.
The pang of sadness for the ones who hadn't, because all of them would have deserved it.
And then, the rush of celebrations and a few hours in which he didn't have to worry about anything.
He kept trying to figure out the right time to talk to Daniel because, well, he had to figure out if this really had fixed all the damage that he had already done to their relationship. He tried, but it was easy enough to come up with reasons to put it off. Daniel was talking to Minhyun and he seemed so happy, Seongwu didn’t want to bother them. There was Woojin, waving at him across the room, so he had to go talk to him, right? Hey, they were opening a bottle of champagne! Not a good moment for a private conversation. The time flew by, and suddenly, each of them was rushed off to spend the night at their old dorms and told they would have two days off, to pack and get some things settled, before moving into the new dorms with the other members of their new group. Of Wanna One. The idea still felt surreal to him.
When things had calmed down enough for him to think straight, he was sitting alone with his manager in a car on the way to his dorms, and there was no way to talk to Daniel about their issues. Did they have issues? He didn’t know how to handle Daniel when they weren’t getting along, they had never had problems before.
Fine, maybe part of him was relieved to avoid confrontation for now. He hadn’t yet had time to process what had happened, from their kiss to the fact that he might has well have confessed because there was just no way that Daniel hadn’t figured out his feelings after all this, to the sweet kiss they had shared before the chaos of the finale had descended upon them.
There was another part of him, a small but very vocal part at the very back of his mind, demanding that they talk about this, because Daniel had been the one to initiate the sweet peck, while Seongwu had been the reason for the heated makeout session, and if Daniel really didn’t feel anything for him, shouldn’t it have been the other way around?
Seongwu knew distraction, knew losing himself between kisses and touches, understood why people fell back to that when they just wanted to forget. That peck couldn’t possibly have served the same purpose, and the more he thought about it, the more cruel it seemed - asking for that light, fluttering kiss when Daniel had known about his feelings.
But he squashed that voice, because it was Daniel they were talking about here - sweet, goofy Daniel with the mental maturity of a three year old who laughed at everything and had enchanted everyone with his authenticity that had nothing of Seongwu’s controlled charm, as open as a child.
Except children could be cruel. Seongwu also squashed that thought.
When he woke up the next morning, it took him a few moments until he could discern dream from reality, or rather, what he had hoped was a dream from what he hoped was reality. Most of it turned out to be real - the good, the finale, all of his closest friends and Seongwu himself making it into the group, but also the bad. The bad. Daniel.
Groaning, Seongwu turned around to bury his face into his pillow. Maybe he would just suffocate himself. What the hell had he even been thinking? They had never talked about romantic things - even the fact that Daniel was attracted to guys had only been based on his assumption. Granted, it had been a very justified assumption, but in the end it had been sheer luck that Daniel hadn’t just punched him in the face when Seongwu had attacked him like that. His brain must have been on standby the whole time.
His phone vibrated on his nightstand, effectively distracting him from his self-loathing. It was a message from Jisung - one of several, he noticed when he keyed in his lock code and pulled up Kakaotalk.
They started from in the middle of the night when Seongwu had already been asleep but he guessed the five MMO boys had still been up celebrating.
The fuck did you do [01:47 am]
I’m serious the fuck did you do?
Daniel is so drunk he can’t even stand, he’s acting like a monkey, climbed on Taewoong’s back and is refusing to let go
It’s kind of cute to be honest but that’s beside the point [01:54 am]
He’s insisting on sleeping in my bed jesus lord Seongwu what happened between you two?? [02:08 am]
Just call me when you get up please or even better, come over here [02:09 am]
The next message had only arrived a few hours later.
Why do you get to sleep when I have Daniel talking and grinding his teeth right next to my ear? [08:11 am]
Just get here Daniel is a mess [10:48 am]
Seongwu rubbed his eyes. Wonderful. He sat up reluctantly, typing a reply to Jisung.
[10:50 am] Why do you think that’s my fault
In response, his phone rang.
“Because I’m not stupid,” was Jisung’s greeting. “I thought yesterday that you would have taken the brunt of your stupid actions so I stayed with you, but maybe that was the wrong decision.”
Seongwu felt a sting at the words, sarcastic retorts forgotten. “He seemed fine to me.”
“And you seemed fine to him,” Jisung retorted.
“Yes, but I’m an actor and he’s Daniel.”
Jisung sighed, dramatic and too loud to be authentic. “I’m not going to relay his drunk mumbling to you,” he said, before his voice softened. “Just believe me when I say you two need to talk, okay?”
“For my sake or for his?” Seongwu couldn’t stop the words, the hurt from Jisung picking Daniel’s side still lingering.
“Both of yours. Don’t turn this into something it isn’t. I care about both of you, but Daniel has been the maknae of our group for years, so yes, I get protective over him, and you hurt him. And now get your ass over here, Jaehan is making breakfast for both of you and Jinwoo is feeding painkillers to Daniel and I’d like to have this cleared up before we need to live in the same dorm.”
“Hyung,” Seongwu said. “Daniel knows how I feel about him. Don’t you think that puts the ball in his court?”
Jisung remained silent for a few seconds. “Did you tell him?”
“I didn’t have to-”
“That’s what I thought. Get over here before I come and kick your ass.”
The call ended before Seongwu could even think of a reply, leaving him to stare at his beeping phone in disbelief.
It took him about 20 minutes to reluctantly get out of bed, shower, dress, and leave the house, and then another 40 minutes to get to the MMO boys’ dorm - which was honestly luck, because in a city as big as Seoul, it could easily take 1.5 hours to get to a specific place.
Then he spent five minutes just standing in front of their door, staring at the doorbell and trying to work himself up to actually ringing it. He might have stood there longer if Jisung hadn’t suddenly opened the door and bodily dragged him inside and up the stairs, explaining that he had seen him coming up to their house and five minutes was the maximum time span that Jaehan had been able to convince him to wait for Seongwu to come up on his own.
He was then pushed into the living room, despite his weak resistance, where Daniel was slumped onto the couch, Taewoong sitting next to him, and Jinwoo and Jaehwan were setting the table with what really looked like an amazing breakfast.
Taewoong looked up at the noise and groaned in relief. “Finally,” he mumbled and ruffled Daniel’s hair before he and the others filed out of the room, passing Seongwu who just stood there, frozen in place.
Jinwoo stopped to pat his shoulder sympathetically, but not even five seconds later, the room was empty except for Daniel and him.
Daniel didn’t look up, playing with the hem of his sweater instead.
“Okay, let’s get this over with,” Seongwu said out loud with the air of someone being led to their execution. “Just rip my heart out so Jisung can be satisfied and we can all pretend this never happened.” He sprawled himself all over an old-fashioned armchair theatrically and then sneaked a glance at Daniel who was still sitting on the sofa across from him.
“Stop being so dramatic,” the boy said with a small smile.
Seongwu sat up. “Do you not know me at all? I can’t not be dramatic. It’s who I am.” But when Daniel didn’t respond, he took a deep breath, steeling himself before dropping his facade of acting and entertaining, as hard as it was. He felt vulnerable without it, oddly so, because usually Daniel made it easy to just be himself, without the need to hide parts or enhance others. “I’m sorry to put you into this position,” he said earnestly. “I didn’t mean to ruin our friendship, or to lay this on you. I take full blame. But can I ask you one question?”
Daniel seemed startled. Seongwu had always thought that Daniel looked kind of sad when he wasn’t smiling or in childlike wonder about something. It was one of the reasons he tried to keep a smile on that face at all costs. He looked sad now. “I don’t… What is it?”
“Why did you ask me to kiss you? You know, the second time.”
The younger boy stared for a moment, then he looked away and shrugged. “So I could pretend, just for the finale? Helped me focus. That’s what you wanted, right? I didn’t think a small kiss was too much to ask.” He sounded uncomfortable.
The sentences didn’t make any sense to Seongwu. There was nothing connecting them, nothing that explained any of it. “It wasn’t- I just didn’t expect that you’d want that kind of kiss? That hardly counted as a distraction.” He frowned. “Wait, pretend what?”
Daniel looked confused as well, but at least it seemed to have chased away his uncomfortableness. His voice was open, genuine. “Why would I not want that kind of kiss? It’s not like I just wanted to make out with someone for distraction, I could have asked anyone for that. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I didn’t…” Daniel paused, blinking. “You don’t have to worry, I’m not expecting anything from you, I just wanted to be able to pretend for the finale.”
“Pretend what ?” The sharpness of Seongwu’s voice surprised himself and sent Daniel flinching.
“That you like me too? That you’re my boyfriend - I’m sorry, I sound stupid.” Daniel laughed, clearly flustered. “Just, I mean, you had clearly figured me out or you wouldn’t have kissed me earlier, right? But then you said to not overthink it so that made clear that, um. You know. I just had to pretend for a few hours.”
Seongwu’s brain was apparently too slow to catch up. Distantly, he heard Jisung’s voice in his memory, talking about how Daniel wouldn’t know what to do with romantic feelings if you slapped him in the face with them, how Daniel was the type of person to put himself in the friendzone, eternally interpreting any advances as friendly gestures, any flirting as jokes.
“You’re ridiculous,” was the first thing he said when he found his voice again.
The embarrassed smile fell of Daniel’s face, immediately replaced by hurt. He looked like a kicked puppy, and Seongwu felt so giddy he almost reached over to ruffle Daniel’s hair. Finally, everything made sense, and Seongwu couldn’t help the wide, exuberant smile spreading on his own face.
“I thought you had figured me out,” he continued. “I thought you couldn’t possibly be blind enough to not realize it, because everyone else has. Especially after selfishly using your distraction as an excuse to kiss you.”
“Wait, what-”
“It felt like you were mocking me with that second kiss,” he explained.
Daniel pulled his eyebrows together. “Seongwu, I wouldn’t-”
“I know - God , I know,” Seongwu interrupted him, shaking his head in disbelief, the smile still there, no signs of leaving. “Still, I can’t believe you - you never even suspected I like you? Really? It’s not like I was subtle. Seriously - I let you sleep in my bed for weeks. I let you eat all my snacks. I’m pretty sure I was staring at you with heart eyes for everyone to see. What more does a guy have to do? I-”
At this point, Daniel leaned forward, covering Seongwu’s mouth with his hands, and okay - maybe he had been blabbering. A lot. But who could blame him? He felt like the happiness was bubbling in his stomach, spreading through his body and making him light, light enough to float, giddy and unable to keep still.
“So, just to make sure,” Daniel said, voice low and a bit rough but his gaze was focused in a way it usually only was on stage. “You… like me?”
Seongwu, temporarily robbed of his ability to babble, nodded.
“And, when you kissed me, it wasn’t just to distract me from the negative comments?”
Seongwu shook his head in reply.
“So you wanna kiss me again?”
A very decisive nod.
Daniel deflated like someone had poked a hole into a balloon, all the tension leaving his body when he dropped his hands from Seongwu’s mouth and buried his own face in them, and Seongwu suddenly felt guilty. He shouldn’t have assumed - all this mess had only happened because Seongwu had thought that there was no way that Daniel could be that dense.
He moved from the armchair to sit next to Daniel. “Are you mad at me?” he asked, lifting a hand to card his fingers through Daniel’s hair. “I know I acted like a jerk - but I promise it wasn’t on purpose. I was just - I was an idiot and I’m sorry and I can make it up to you in aegyo if you want.”
Daniel huffed into his hands and then peered up at Seongwu through his fingers. “You could make it up to me in food instead.”
Seongwu made a face. “I don’t think my wallet would survive feeding you for even a week. I’m not that sorry.” But he grinned and Daniel was huffing out a laugh and when he pulled Daniel’s hands away from his face, the lightness was back.
“So, just to get this completely clear, because apparently we’re both dense idiots, I like you,” he said, completely seriously. “And you like me. Right?”
“Yes,” Daniel affirmed, amusement in his eyes and his bunny smile bright on his face.
“Fantastic,” Seongwu said with no small amount of self-satisfaction before swinging a leg over Daniel’s lap and finally, finally , leaning in to kiss him without all the doubt and guilt in his stomach, and this time, Daniel went along immediately.
There was a hand on Seongwu’s knee, and one on his back, and Daniel responded to the kiss with enough enthusiasm that it made Seongwu smile against his lips. “You’re adorable,” Seongwu whispered, kissing Daniel’s nose, only to laugh delightedly when the younger boy pouted.
“I prefer ‘sexy’ and ‘handsome’, thank you very much,” Daniel said, and Seongwu tilted his head to the side thoughtfully.
“I can agree to sexy,” he announced, pushing closer until Daniel’s back was pressed against the couch. “The way you looked in that office… yeah, definitely sexy.” He leaned back in, tugging Daniel’s head back by his hair and smiling at the way Daniel’s grip tightened on his knee, before pressing another kiss to Daniel’s bottom lip.
“And as tempted as I am to continue this - which is pretty damn tempted - I don’t think Jisung would appreciate us going any further on this sofa,” he continued louder.
“You’re right about that!” someone yelled back from behind the closed door, and Daniel jumped in surprise.
Jisung, definitely.
“Also, your breakfast is getting cold!” another voice that Seongwu identified as Jaehan added. “I didn’t put in this much effort for you to just let it go to waste, you know.”
Seongwu leaned back, grinning at Daniel who seemed a bit flushed but resigned to his hyungs’ antics, and slid off Daniel’s lap until he sat on the couch again.
“It’s safe, you can come in,” he announced.
Jisung didn’t have to be asked twice to push open the door and then make a beeline for the couch, enveloping them both in a big hug. “I’m happy for you,” he whispered. “Also, you both owe me your desserts for at least a week for my services as a cupid.”
Daniel made an affronted noise. “Hyung!”
“Two weeks, if you complain any more,” Jisung said mercilessly.
“Hyung,” Daniel whined, but Seongwu just smiled.
“Deal,” he said. That was definitely worth it.