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Blink lowered his cigarette from his mouth, lazily blowing a smoke ring. “Nah. You’s just a baby.” He smirked, glancing at Mush through his one good eye. The cold had turned his nose and cheeks pink, and Mush felt his heart swell at the sight.
“You’s really pretty, Blink, you know that?”
Blink snorted, taking another drag on his cigarette. “What makes you say that?” He laughed, leaning back on his elbows.
“I dunno.” Mush answered, shrugging his shoulders. “You just… is . Your cheeks are all red. It’s cute.”
Blink’s cheeks darkened slightly, and he turned his head away. “Nah. I ain’t that good-lookin’. Not like you.”
Mush rolled his eyes and scooted over on the stair, wrapping his arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders. “You gotta give yourself more credit, baby. You’s gorgeous, and you ain’t gonna change my mind on that.”
Blink cuddled into Mush’s side, rolling his eyes. “Shut up, Mush.”
“Make me.”
“Okay, I will.”
“Hey! I meant kiss me, not blow smoke in my face!”
“Yeah? Be more specific next time.”
“Fuck you.”
“Not in public.”
They both laughed at that. Mush tugged his muffler back into place, shaking his head. “I love you.” He sighed, without thinking about it. As soon as he caught himself, he tensed, glancing at Blink to see if he’d noticed. Blink didn’t seem to have heard Mush over his laughter. Thank fuckin’ God, Mush thought. He’d never said that to Blink before; he’d thought it plenty of times, of course, but something in him always kept him from getting the words out when he really wanted to.
Finally, Blink stubbed his cigarette out on the ground, and stood up, holding his hand out to tug Mush up with him. “Okay, ‘s cold enough now. Let’s go back inside.”
As soon as they were back inside, Mush faceplanted onto their futon. Blink dropped down next to him a moment later, rolling over to kiss Mush’s shoulder. “You need help warming up?” He teased.
Mush turned his head to Blink, pouting. “Please.”
Blink snorted, and reached out to pull a blanket over him. “Okay, c’mere.” He held his arms out, wiggling his fingers a bit. Mush immediately rolled over and cuddled into Blink’s chest, winding an arm around his hips. “Why’s you always so warm?” He hummed, running his thumb back and forth against Blink’s back.
Blink wrapped an arm around Mush’s neck in turn. “It’s cause I’m so hot. Duh.”
“Oh, fuck, you’s right. God, your brain is so big.”
“I know, I’m a genius.” Blink buried his face in Mush’s hair, gently slipping his fingers into the curls near the base of his neck. They stayed like that for about a half hour, Blink occasionally pressing a soft kiss to Mush’s forehead, or Mush kissing Blink’s collarbone.
Finally, Mush broke the silence. “Hey, Blink. Can I, um… Can I tell you somethin’?”
“Yeah, always.” Blink pulled back a little to look at Mush. “What’s up?”
Mush’s voice caught in his throat, and he silently cursed himself and squeezed his eyes shut. “Fuck, why can’t I ever…” He sighed, shaking his head and opening his eyes again. “I-it’s nothing bad, I just… ah, fuck it.” He nervously met Blink’s gaze again. “I wanna say, uh… I love you.”
Blink froze, blinking at Mush dumbly. “... Oh. Um… thanks.”
Mush laughed reflexively. “What? ’Thanks?’”
“I… yeah. Thanks.” Blink repeated nervously, pulling his arm away from Mush’s neck.
“Wait,” Mush pushed himself up on his elbow, furrowing his eyebrows. “is that really all you’s gonna say? ‘Thanks?’ You serious?”
Blink shrugged his shoulder, looking to the side to avoid his boyfriend’s gaze. “I guess. I- I don’t know, Mushy, you caught me off-guard.”
“‘Off-guard?’” Mush sat up fully, staring at Blink in disbelief. “This is- really. This is how you’s gonna react.”
“I don’t mean nothin’ by it.” Blink said defensively, sitting up and scooting to the foot of the bed. “I don’t- I’m just-” He floundered, his mouth opening and closing uselessly for a few moments before he shut it.
“Blink, ain’t you even gonna look at me?” Mush frowned, resting his hands in his lap. “Maybe I shouldn’t ‘a said anything, I’m sorry-”
“No, no, don’t apologize.” Blink replied quickly, shaking his head. “It’s fine, really, it’s just-”
“You can’t say it back, can you?”
Blink bit his lower lip, looking down at his hands and shaking his head slightly.
“Do you not… want to say it? Do you not…” Love me? Mush finished in his head, his heart speeding up in his chest.
“No! No, that ain’t it at all. I do, I promise I do, it’s just… scary to say, I guess.” Blink admitted, wringing the hem of his shirt in his hands. “Sorry, Mushy.”
Mush breathed a soft sigh of relief. He wasn’t being rejected; that was his greatest fear. “‘S ok, Blink, I get it. He inched closer to Blink on the bed, taking his hands in his own. “You ain’t gotta say it now.” He added an afterthought before he could stop himself; “Or ever, if you don’t wanna.”
Blink looked up and frowned slightly. “Hey- hey. I do want to. I’ll just… work up to it, I guess. God, I’m sorry I’m such a fuckin’ mess with this stuff.” He laughed bitterly, finally looking back up. “I guess I gotta work harder on it, huh?”
Mush leaned forward and kissed Blink on the cheek, softly. “‘S okay, baby, really. I get it’s scary. Long as you feel the same way, ‘m okay.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, ‘m sure.”
Blink finally relaxed again, and moved forward to hide his face in Mush’s shoulder. “Thanks for not bein’ mad or nothin’.”
“Course I ain’t mad. I can’t ever be mad at you, dummy.” Mush rubbed Blink’s back, and gave him a chaste kiss on the temple. “We’s gonna be fine.”
“Okay. ‘M glad.” Blink sighed, relaxing into Mush’s touch. “Can we just… go to bed now? Gettin’ nervous like that always makes me tired.”
The boys laid back down, and Mush pulled their blanket back up.
Ten minutes later they were asleep; Blink’s face buried in Mush’s chest and Mush’s chin resting on top of Blink’s head; their legs tangled together; and their arms wrapped around each other, sheltering each other from the cold outside their bed.