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It all happened because Jeongguk was feeling nervous.
It was true that he’s been doing this for years but sometimes it takes all of him to calm down and suppress his itching, rotten insecurities. As time passed by and with the help of everyone, he had made amends with himself and was aware that most of his fears were groundless and just existed in his head. He also had learnt to deal with them and focus on what really mattered. As he looks back he knows he had grown and overcome his hardships, which made him feel very proud of himself. However, he still had moments when the little insecure boy took over his rational mind and nestled himself in his chest. On those days, such as today, if he had his hands on a snack’s package and stuffed his cheeks with them he’d feel much calmer and it enabled him to regain full control.
That was the reason why he was roaming around backstage, searching for his favourite snacks, hoping that, somehow, he’d find them casually lying wherever thanks to the Universe. ARMY used to say he was “God’s most favourite child” so this was it: it was time to play favourites and put the snacks which led to happiness on his path. His eyes caught a shadow inside an open room and although it was too big to be a package of what he was looking for, something about it pulled him to look closer. It took him a moment for his brain to register the human form that came into his vision and then his brain shutdown when he saw him.
He halted his movements and sustained his breath.
His nervousness was gone in the blink of an eye.
He had forgotten why he had wanted proof of being God’s favourite child.
If someone had been watching Jeongguk’s demeanour at that moment, it was painfully obvious that, at first, he was dumbfounded and then that there was a short-circuit in his head. His mind had gone completely blank and its pristine whiteness would probably match the one that could be found in the room he was looking into. Inside it there was a huge mirror on the background wall amplifying its sterilized aspect and the lights shone in a cold and dismayed white tone, characteristic of LED illumination. However, the ambience was wrecked by disorganized dark chairs and movable cabinets full of colourful and expensive clothes which were carelessly displayed, breaking the harmony of the room and creating a somewhat vivid and slightly magical ambience. Some people would have known how to appreciate the contrast if that was what had struck their attention and he’d have certainly be part of that group under normal circumstances.
However, that wasn’t what had struck Jeongguk’s attention.
It was him.
Taehyung stood alone in the middle of the room and everything around him paled in comparison. He was simply holding the top of a chair as he looked himself in the mirror, but he had such a strong presence it made him feel magnetic. The man starring back from the mirror had slightly wavy platinum white blond hair framing his face and hypnotizing blue eyes – a mix of his DNA and Blood, Sweat and Tears eras, dressed in all black, discreet high-class adornments and a signature earring complemented the look.
Jeongguk swallowed emptiness.
He was used to Taehyung’s uniqueness, but at times such as this it was just too much. His beauty was painfully breath-taking and mesmerizing but there was a poisonous air around him that froze his surroundings. There was a certain kind of power oozing out of him that Usually Jeongguk could assess when asked how flowy his hair was, how handsome he looked, how sweetly he smiled, how proudly he carried himself… but this shook him from his deepest core every single time because this wasn’t Taehyung.
It wasn’t Taehyung.
He had tried his hardest to forget that look because it assaulted him with complex and unknown feelings that he somehow knew could be seen as a betrayal to his friends, to himself and to Taehyung’s trust in him. After telling himself countless times that it was all a momentary illusion and diligently convincing himself that that was the true, here was this man again, showing Jeongguk how wrong he had been and proving how he’d deeply and silently carved himself in his veins without even noticing. He felt so ashamed of himself for having such strong and messed up feelings about it that he had always forced himself to block anything that could be remotely related to that look from his consciousness.
It wasn’t Taehyung.
It was a man who possessed a sharp and edgy perfection that was inhumane and unattainable. There was no warmth or compassion, just pure and lethal beauty.
That wasn’t Taehyung, but the voice that came out of that dangerous mouth was as deep and entrancing as his.
“If it was for you I could pretend to be happy even when I was sad... If it was for you I could pretend to be strong even when it hurt real bad...”
Jeongguk felt an irrational hatred shape viciously inside his guts. When Taehyung started humming the maknae’s part, tapping rhythmically with his fingers on the chair, the anger grew and twisted inexplicably as his mind formed the words that went along with the melody.
I wish love could be perfect as love itself, I wish all my weaknesses could be hidden, I grew a flower that can’t be bloomed in a dream that could never come true, his mind sang along unconsciously.
He expected that Jimin’s part would be hummed as well, but he was wrong.
“I’m so sick of this fake love, fake love, fake love… Oh, Jeonggukie!”
It took him a second to understand Taehyung had spotted him through the mirror. His clear blue eyes showed enthusiasm at first and then concern. Jeongguk faced his own reflection on the mirror and the lines on his expression clearly showed that something was bothering him.
What was it?
“Are you feeling alright?”
Jeongguk took a moment to understand how he felt. He was mad at himself for his confused feelings and interior turmoil, for his failure at forgetting the image of that man and for feeling tempted by it even though he was aware of how wrong that was. But most of all the idea of someone hurting Taehyung in such way that would made him sing just as he had made his blood grow cold and rush in a frenzy. Darkness grew inside him as he imagined someone who Taehyung had allowed to touch him, to feel him, just to use him and throw him to a black well of misery, pain and suffocation. No one should never even be allowed to dare to think about doing that to Taehyung.
“If someone ever makes you feel like that, I’ll kill them.” He whispered referring to the lyrics, and he meant it.
Taehyung smiled softly and turned to face him.
“Thanks for having my back. Are you ready to lead us?”
Jeongguk lost count of the times he discussed with Taehyung that he wasn’t a leader of any sorts, that he was just a centre and that it was just because of his plain and in-tone voice. However, every time Taehyung heard that he’d throw a fit about how little credit Jeongguk gave himself and that it was obvious that he kept the group together. Then he’d give a class about it to prove his point, babbling madly about Jeongguk’s beauty, Jeongguk’s talents, Jeongguk’s gorgeous soul and how Jeongguk was the link between all seven members and was vital to do transitions whether it was while dancing, singing or representing. Hence, he was a leader. Although Jeongguk always found those speeches endearing and oddly cute, they also weight him because of the awareness of having his six brothers depending on him.
His insecurities and nervousness came back at him like a flood. He swallowed hard and let his head fall a little. He didn’t want Taehyung to discover fear in the middle of his inner chaos.
No.
He wanted his snacks.
He needed his snacks.
Where were his snacks?
Even though the voice in his head was growing louder, Jeongguk faintly heard the light but secure footsteps that were coming in his direction getting gradually closer to him. He kept his head down because he wasn’t sure if he was able to suppress whatever feelings that could be poured from his expressive eyes.
Where were his snacks?
Then he felt Taehyung’s hands forcing his chin up to face him.
Up close he was even more mesmerizing.
“I trust you with my life.” He said, dead serious and Jeongguk’s heart clenched. The man in front of him didn’t look like Taehyung, but was still him. He could clearly see the lines of his face and the weight of his presence. The gentle but firm touch on his cheeks filled his being with care, emotion, admiration, companionship and so much more. Yes, this man was also Taehyung, he had his beautiful and blissful soul. That was his soul. Damn, Jeongguk was so powerless while Taehyung shone so brightly and passionately in everything he did even when his icy beauty was able to freeze a country.
Taehyung… Taehyung was so warm.
Taehyung was so dear and precious.
He closed the distance between them unconsciously and supported his forehead on the other boy’s forehead. It was just a small touch, but it gave him so much strength. He raised his hands and held Taehyung’s forearms as he gazed deep into those fake blue eyes. He wished he could see his real eyes and feel the affection radiating through them without any shields.
“Do you want to practice? A happier part?” Taehyung suggested, encouragingly.
“There’s nothing happy about Fake Love.”
That earned him a chuckle and he was dead certain that Taehyung’s smiling details could heal. He should be panicking by now but all he could do was revel in the moment, taking in all that he could from the dangerous and intoxication proximity of Taehyung.
It suddenly became clear in his mind what he should do. His mouth moved in a fraction of second and a whistle came out.
Taehyung smiled again, waited for the right moment to start marking the rhythm with his feet and shook his body in accordance until it was the moment to grab Jeongguk’s hands and start to expand his movements as his voice came out.
“I recognized you at first sight, hmm, as though we called out for each other.” Taehyung sang as he freely followed the choreography, forgetting about any steps that would force him to let go of Jeongguk’s hand but managing to make the essential ones, such as his shrug and the way he poured magic from his fingers. “The DNA inside my veins tells me, hmm, you’re the one I’ve been looking for.” He also managed to let his free hand run temptingly over his body as to prove his point and let it go to his neck to show how hooked he was, showing Jeongguk with his fierce expression and playful smirk that it was him he had been looking for.
Jeongguk took the dare and let go of Taehyung’s hand as he assumed J-Hope’s and RM’s parts with a breath-taking energy.
“Our encounter is like a formula of maths, commandments of religion, providence of the Universe” Jeongguk’s upper body did some of J-Hope’s dance moves but he refused to turn his back at Taehyung, so he was singing to him and entangling him more in their web. “The evidence Fate has given to me, you are the source of my dreams, take it!, take it!” he sang with determination and reached out his hand again in the right tempo, urging Taehyung to grab it “The hand I reach out to you is destined by Fate.”
Taehyung felt the urgency of responding and reached out without a second of hesitation. Then he stole Jeongguk’s part without even noticing it.
“Don’t worry my love, all of this is not a coincidence” They kept dancing, this time much closer to each other, mirroring their movements instead of turning their backs. Their hands raised in the air linked them together, giving a fluidity to their bodies as if they were extensions of their souls.
They refused to part just yet.
“We are completely different baby, because we are the ones who found destiny” Jeongguk’s exaggerated his facial expression to show extra emotion and that obliged Taehyung to contain his laugh, making him smile even more.
They parted and continued their playful, theatrical, memorized but improved take on DNA. Jeongguk kept going and Taehyung made the echoes.
“From the days when the universe was created (created!), and on to through infinite centuries (go on go on ya!)” they switched sides again but remained loyal to this part of the choreography because it worked perfectly as they faced each other. They danced with so much energy they seemed desperate to make their point clear and had completely forgotten they needed to rest and prepare for the live show.
“In the previous life (from a previous life) and maybe the next one too (the next one too) we will be together forever” he smirked and held out his arm.
Taehyung smiled and touched it with his fingers doing the key gesture as he signed the deal and sang “DNA!”. After that they resumed the choreography as they waved their bodies, focused on representing how each other’s energy flow in their veins. They didn’t change the dance moves, but they refused to break eye contact.
“All of this isn’t coincidence” Jeongguk repeated.
“DNA!” Taehuyng assured.
“Because the both of us are the ones who found destiny"
Taehyung prepared to seal the deal again but a squeal of excitement crossed the room and a tremendous rain of hands clapping frenetically was heard. They turned, surprised. First because they weren’t expecting to have an audience though Jeongguk didn’t close the door when he came inside the room, and second because there was only one person clapping hands instead of more.
“You bet you are!” J-Hope praised, still clapping his hands and smiling like crazy, as if he’d seen a pile of delicious sweets.
“You’re lucky Jikook Army’s won’t know about this.” Suga commented, nonchalantly, next to J-Hope.
Jeongguk caught his breath and faced his friends. Jikook. What was he supposed to say? It was no secret that he found Jimin incredibly attractive. In fact, he thought that if there was a single person in the world that didn’t agree with him, that person must be blind and have no real knowledge about beauty. Jimin was the embodiment of graceful yet shameless flirtation, he carried himself with unparalleled elegance and even though he looked insanely attractive he was, at the same time, excessively cute. Jeongguk admired him as a human being and was enchanted by him, so when the Staff asked them to forget about the cameras and be honest, he couldn’t help but voice his real thoughts because it was Jimin. He felt safe and secure, in control of himself because he knew he was simply voicing his praises and showing how much he admired and appreciated him. There was no hidden meaning behind it and no reason to be embarrassed because he was displaying facts. It didn’t matter what he said because it wouldn’t play or mess up his feelings, because it was Jimin.
Because it was different.
He felt long and slender arms trapping his torso and pulling him from his introspection. His blood heated as Taehyung embraced him from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder. He could feel every inch of Taehyung’s chest against his back and when he spoke his breath itched in his ear.
“Don’t worry hyung, Gukkie would never fall for me. We’d never date, right?”
He could feel that boxy smile’s tenderness against his skin and that made him shiver. There was no hint of sadness in his voice.
Should it have been there?
Jeongguk felt confused again.
Why did Taehyung assumed so easily that he’d never fall for him? Did he think he didn’t find him attractive? Did Jeongguk ever do something to imprint those thoughts on his mind?
Was that supposed to be natural?
Why did he suddenly feel so lost due to something that should be so simple and normal?
He glanced at Taehyung and he was still smiling at him, waiting for a confirmation. He was the one who was sure that someone like Taehyung would never…
Oh.
Realization hit him as he lost himself in those fake coloured eyes which vividly shone and showed him the implied meaning behind his words. None of Jeongguk’s question made sense, that wasn’t the point.
Taehyung hadn’t said those words to reassure Suga-hyung.
No.
He had said them to Jeongguk and to give him a way out.
I won’t let you go down.
His heart melted at the deep connection of their thoughts and he felt pride. Then he looked back at his hyungs and nodded.
He had heard Taehyung.
How could he even be compared to…
“That’s great!” J-Hope stated playfully.
Suga looked unimpressed and utterly unconvinced, though he decided to let the matter drop because they had to focus.
“It’s time to go children, let’s take that stage down.”
“Let’s go Gukkie!” Taehyung slightly squeezed him before letting go and rushing out of the room as he followed their hyungs. However, when he noticed Jeongguk didn’t follow him, he came back and grabbed Jeongguk’s hand silently, leading him and showing him the way out without the others noticing.
Taehyung entrancing ways of silent care made him feel so treasured and were so precious to him that he felt his eyes sting from happiness and suppressed an embarrassed smile. They discreetly caught up with Suga and J-Hope with their hands connected.
J-Hope slightly turned his head without really bothering to look at them.
“Jeonggukie I was searching for you because I found your snacks. Do you want them?”
The warmth in his hand and the quiet man walking by his side were concealed by the dark corridors right before the main stage but to him that was everything he really needed.
“No, thank you hyung.”
He already had found his happiness.