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Changcheng had never been in a relationship before. Not that it really surprised him, he always knew he was your average boy when it came to look and even more in personality. He wasn’t popular, but he wasn’t completely friendless either.
Though he had known popularity at each beginning of school year, when girls in his class upon learning his orphan condition were suddenly all over him because “Poor him! Lost his parent so early” but then quickly lost interests when it became evident that Guo wasn’t some tortured soul or some bad boy hiding his deep suffering that needed healing. But this state of life left him quite clueless in practice as to what being in a relationship entailed.
Beside he wasn’t even in a relationship with a nice girl, which would be frightening but at least he could ask advice to his uncle. Or his aunt.
No, he was in a relationship with Chu, with was more frightening since Chu had power and could pretty much kill him using only two fingers. Granted, Chu didn’t want to kill him, at least not anymore; though when they just met he had this murderous aura when looking at Changcheng.
Changcheng didn’t really blame him: when he remembered how he was, he did actually want to fling himself from a cliff to forget the embarrassment. Not that now it was a journey in the park, but you know. It was better. He knew what to do, he loved his job, was actually okay at it and his coworkers were friends.
He had a good life.
But Chu Ge. Not that Chu Ge was bad. Chu Ge was good. Really good. Like extremely good looking. And nice. And when he smiled Changcheng’s heart fluttered in all the good way.
But despite knowing how tender and nice and kind Chu could be Changcheng was still fucking terrified out of his mind when it was time to take the next logical step in their relationship.
The naked step. He had psyched himself enough to be able to … do stuff -he couldn’t even formulate properly, God! this was embarrassing, he couldn’t even think of the words- but the final step he was not sure he could. Mostly because he didn’t know what to expect. He had seen porn but porn was no reflection to reality, and he had no one to ask.
Or well he used to have no one.
Chef Zhao and Professor Shen’s relationship were not a secret anymore, and from the way they touched each other they seemed to have passed the naked threshold in their relationship a long time ago.
So technically there were two men with experience with gay sex in his vicinity. So he could ask.
Except that he was never going to ask that kind of stuff to Chief Zhao because he would be mocked mercilessly.
So it had to be Professor Shen. Except the professor was such a sweet and nice man… Changcheng couldn’t gather the courage to look at him, let alone ask this kind of question. He would die of embarrassment.
But the thing was he really needed to reassure himself. And also he kind of had a feeling that in their relationship the person that would take the same role as Changcheng would probably be professor Shen. Which he tried very hard not to think about, because he didn’t want to think about professor Shen and sex together, but also he needed to think about it since he wanted to ask question about it.
Once his mind was resolved however, he quickly realized that the biggest challenge was going to find professor Shen when he was alone. Which was never when he came to the SID office. He always ended up in the Chief office so he couldn’t approach him here. And he definitively couldn’t approach him at home as he was living just across the hall from the Chief. (When they weren’t together in the same apartment.)
Which left the University; he still spent some time there as he was still a professor –he had refused to give up on his former job despite the chief protests-. But the Chief loved to go there every time he could. Which lately was very often.
But not only there was that, he also needed an excuse. And he was a terrible liar which really didn’t help him any. But if he said that he was going to see professor Shen the chief was going to ask why and then probably go with him and he would never dare to ask.
And let’s be honest if he said that he was going somewhere to check something Chu was going to want to come with him.
It was actually his aunt that saved his life. They were supposed to meet during an afternoon because she wanted him to meet a friend of her that had a maybe dixingians problem. He was supposed to go alone and only called reinforcement if it turned out to be true.
So everyone knew he had to leave early, alone that day. Except his aunt cancelled because the problem was solved. It wasn’t dixingians at all and it was just cheeky neighbor kids playing pranks.
Professor Shen was not in the office today but at university and chief Zhao had actual meetings to attend so he couldn’t go join his lover.
Changcheng couldn’t believe his luck. He didn’t tell anybody about the cancellation, promised Chu he would be careful and went to the University.
The hallways were bursting with people and life, students walking from and to classes. They all looked so careless and Changcheng wondered if he had ever been like that. His time in college seemed bleak in his memory. But well, nothing could compare to fighting demons he supposed.
He knocked at professor Shen’s door and waited the permission before entering.
The professor was at his desk, looking as composed as ever, except that he blanched slightly at seeing Changcheng and he realized that it might look like he was the bearer of bad news.
“Chief Z-Zhao is fine” he managed to stammer out, blush rising on his cheek “I’m, huh, here for a … personal issue.”
“Oh! Of course. Please, sit down.”
And he gestured to one of the chair across his desk. Changcheng did sit down and folded his hand on his laps feeling more nervous than ever. This could be a terrible mistake but Changcheng was determined to go through. No matter how mortifying this could be.
He just wouldn’t look professor Shen in the eyes while doing so. And also probably never again if he survived.
“So, officer Guo, what can I help you with?”
“You’re in a relationship with the Chief right?” Stupid question! Of course they are.
“Yes. Does it bother you?”
“What?” he quickly looked up, panicked “No! Not at all.”
Professor Shen looks relieved at that so he felt himself forced to add:
“We are all okay about that! There is no problem in the team because of your relationship!”
A faint smile.
“Thank you. So what is this about?”
“It’s about me and Chu.” He managed to blurt out. There was concern in professor Shen when he asked:
“Is something wrong with you two? Did you have a fight?”
“No. Everything is fine!... Except for the …the…”
He knew he must be as red as a tomato. He tried to explain by gest what he was trying to convey. Professor Shen’s eyes widened. And then very faintly he said:
“I see.”
There was only silence for a while and changcheng realized that he needed to … explain his problem.
“I’m scared.” He admitted because that was easy. He was always scared. Had always been ever since his parents died, he had been afraid that the other people he cared about would disappear. That he would be left alone in this world with no one to care for him. He swallowed past the lump in his throat as those thoughts come to him. He tried not to think of his parents too much for a reason. Even after all those years he missed them.
“I have never been in a relationship before I don’t know how it works; I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I though… you might have advices.”
Professor Shen adjusted his glasses, and cleared his throat.
“I guess… I can understand your apprehension. It is true that maybe I wished someone had told me more… About what to expect with a lover of the same sex.” He smiled and he looked a little bit lost in memory before he focused on Changcheng :
“So here is my advice…”
**
Tonight was the night, Changcheng had decided. Tonight would be the night he and Chu passed the naked step. He had followed professor Shen advice and touched himself…There. It had felt weird -as professor Shen said- but then quite good. He had said that it was primordial that Chancheng was familiar with his body, more than ever, because only he could tell if it hurt because it was supposed to or not.
Because, apparently, it was bound to hurt a bit though, as professor Shen speculated, not so much, since Chu Ge seemed like a caring lover and would probably prepare him well.
Which reassured Changcheng slightly. Still.
He was awfully keyed up during work that day, his mind bouncing from one topic to another, unable to focus, always coming back to tonight. Chu Ge didn’t know so he just seemed worried about Guo fretting all over the place.
He watched time pass and let his fingers tap a rhythmic beat on the desk.
What if a case suddenly dropped he started thinking? What if he had to go through this wracking nerves business again? He was not sure he could handle it. He would probably cry.
Finally, the clock announced the end of the day and Guo was out of his seat next to Chu Ge in a blink.
Chu looked at him with wide eyes, clearly lost at what was happening.
“Come on, I was thinking we could eat together tonight?” he coaxed, tugging on his sleeves.
Chu followed – because he didn’t know how to deny Changcheng anything- and after saying goodbye to everyone else in the office they walked and-in-hand.
The chill air actually helped Guo calmed down a bit. Winter was coming soon and they would be all engulfed in heavy coats and scarfs. Light decorations would be hanged, and the smell of chocolate would float from coffee shop.
He liked winter, it was his favorite season. He told Chu Ge just that waiting for him to share some preference.
“Summer” Chu answered after pondering a while, “in Dixing it’s always dark, night time all day long. In summer the days are so long and luminous.”
Changcheng just squeezed his hand as an answer. They walked the rest of the way in silence. It was not uncomfortable. They were just enjoying each other presence. They didn’t necessarily need to talk.
When they arrived in front of the door of Chu’s apartment Changcheng’s nerves came back with a vengeance and he started sweating.
“You need to relax, the more you’re tense the more it will hurt.” Professor Shen had said. And Chancheng didn’t want it to hurt more than necessary so he needed to relax except he didn’t know how-
“Hey! What’s up with you? You’ve been weird all day…” Chu’s hand was on the nape of his neck and he sounded worried.
Somehow Changcheng melted against him, the hand on his neck keeping him stable and helping him focusing his thought, and he finally relaxed.
It was Chu. Chu would never hurt him if he could avoid it. But also this was not something Changcheng was doing only for Chu. He was doing it for himself too. Because he wanted to. He wanted to share this intimacy with someone. Because he wanted to be able to show his love physically. Because at this point sometime he felt like he could burst with all the emotion he was trying to keep locked.
“It’s nothing Chu Ge… I’m fine.” And he smiled at him, meaning it.
They ate dinner at first and did small talk. Chu seemed okay to let Changcheng strange behavior pass for the moment.
They did the dishes together side by side, comfortable. Domestic.
When they had finished, while Chu dried his hand, Changcheng tugged on his shirt a little, to catch his attention. He kissed him sweetly and pulled him toward the bedroom. Chu’s hand fell on his hips steadying him, and let himself be led.
His knees hit the mattress and he stopped the kiss to climb on the bed sitting on it toward the head and waited for Chu to join him. He looked surprised but seemed willing to let Changcheng decided which gave him more confidence.
He could do this.
Professor Shen had helped him. Had told him what to do.
He tugged Chu’s shirt up. They kissed and kissed and kissed only separating themselves to remove more clothing. Changcheng heart was beating madly against his ribcage, he was flushing all the way down, but he was undeniably hard. So was Chu who was turning more and more possessive in his kiss. He pushed Changcheng so he was lying down on his back below him and professor Shen’s advice came back to him: “The first time, it might be easier for you if you are on your elbows and knees.”
So he pushed Chu’s away. Who froze and seemed to want to protest but ChangCheng stammered out quickly:
“It’s just… w-we need to, uh, change position!” and then scrambled to sit again.
It felt very weird and he knew he was going to feel exposed when he would turn around. It was just so lewd. Ass in the air, begging for it.
Professor Shen did it though –probably-, and the professor was a very classy man. If he could do it, I can too.
So he just turned around, put himself on his elbows and knees and let his head hang low, wishing for the ground to swallow him.
“Changcheng… do you have any idea what you do to me?” and Chu Ge sounded strangled and Changcheng was about to move but there was a hand on the nape of his neck, holding him and another on his ass. Who left for a moment and from the corner of his eyes he saw the bottle of lube, tied up in blue strings, getting pulled into the bed with them.
Chu’s started preparing him. It was slightly different as when he did it himself: the lube was cold, it was not his own fingers, it was Chu’s and they were bigger, but Changcheng just closed his eyes, slowed his breathing, knowing that after a while it would feel less strange and he was going to get used-
“Ha!”
Chu’s had found the spot and Changcheng bucked against his hand. Chu’s made a low sound of approbation. Once he had found the spot though, he abused it relentlessly and soon Changcheng was just a puddle of desire and soft low moans as he kept bucking trying to feel more. Chu’s was whispering sweet things to his ears but he couldn’t concentrate on the meaning as he just felt so good. Then the fingers left him and he whined because he felt awfully empty.
“Fuck! Changcheng, look at you! Look at your hole twitching, Do you feel empty baby? Do you? Don’t worry. Soon you’ll be all filled up.”
He just moaned as an answer and then his brain cells froze.
His cock entered Changcheng, stretching him even wider than when he did it with his fingers. He felt impossible full. He was keening and moaned loudly. Chu was plastering against him, his warmth and scent making Changcheng shuddered. He was kissing his neck, his jaw and Changcheng turned his head, wanting, no needing more.
He started moving and Changcheng forgot where he was, only able to feel. His orgasm hit him like a train would hit a car and he was almost sobbing, arms too weak to hold him as he collapsed on the bed, Chu still thrusting into him, still hard, still hitting there and making sparks of pleasure flied into his exhausted body.
After, when Chu’s had cleaned him up and offered him a clean t-shirt –that smelled like him and Changcheng just sighed in contentment-, they laid next to each other.
“What make you decide to finally have sex with me?” Chu inquired. Changcheng, exhausted, already half asleep, stretched and mumbled a “I had a conversation with someone.”
“A conversation? With whom?”
“Yeah, about sex and what it entails. With professor Shen.” His eyes were still closed so he didn’t see the face Chu’s made. If he had he would have laughed a lot.
“You had the sex talk with the Black Cloaked Envoy?”
“Oh yeah! I suppose I did.” But he was too sleepy to care.
Chu’s just laughed, dumbstruck. Once Changcheng was asleep he however realized with horror:
“Oh fuck! Yunlan is going to kill me!”