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Chapter Text

                 It shouldn’t have been a dreary day. It was the middle of summer. But what made it so melancholy was the same thing that made every other Sunday melancholy. Equius and Horuss were in the hospital visiting their mother. It was always so quiet, her heart monitor’s beeping being the only sound in the room. Equius was aware that his father had stepped out of the room, discussing something with her doctors, as he’d been doing more and more frequently. The bills were getting high, even for a family as rich as them, since she’d been on life support for almost two years. It was beginning to make Equius nervous; he had a feeling his dad was getting close to pulling the plug. Horuss usually at least talked to their mother, regardless of the fact that she was cognizant of actually zero percent of what was happening, but that day he was silent, likely with similar thoughts taxing his mind. Horuss was always so hard to read, always putting on this front that everything was fine. Even then, as he stood in the hospital room, Horuss was smiling. Equius truly didn’t know what to make of it, as the situation was clearly somewhat dire. After another moment, their father re-entered the room.
            “Say goodbye to your mother, boys. We must go.”
            Equius just glanced at his mother, reaching out for her hand. She was colder than he was, though her heart still beat.

            His mother wasn’t the only thing on Equius’ mind that day. He’d also been thinking about a friend of his. Well, really she was the friend of a friend of a friend. He’d never been particularly close to most of the people he hung out with at school, but Nepeta was much more social than he, and of course he got dragged into all kinds of things. That was how he met Aradia, and just as they were finishing eighth grade a couple months ago, he began thinking of her in a different way. After taking a logical look at his feelings, he determined that the feelings he was having was a crush. Of course, his best friend Nepeta was much more well versed in the realm of romance than he was, and of course, he’d been too embarrassed to consult with her about it. Not embarrassed of having a crush, but rather, embarrassed of who he had a crush on. Aradia and her family, they were just so…low. So, no, Equius hadn’t told anyone yet, not even Nepeta. Speaking of Nepeta, he hadn’t talked to her at all that day. It felt unnatural. Despite their differences, they were very much attached, and during school, you’d almost never see the one without the other. But during the summer, Equius was kept busy and Nepeta had her family. Equius slid his phone out of his pocket, ignoring the silent glare his father was giving him from the front passenger’s seat.

centaursTesticle [CT] began pestering arsenicCatnip [AC]

  CT: Good afternoon, Nepeta.
CT: I hope you are having a pleasant time with your family.
AC: hi equius!!
AC: i was just pawndering if id hear from you today!
CT: Yes, well, as you’re aware, I’ve been kept quite busy with programs my father insists on enrolling me in every summer.
AC: i knowwwwww
AC: ive hardly seen you!
AC: *ac pouts a bit*
CT: None of that.
CT: You know it’s not my fault.
AC: you could just tell you dad you dont WANT to go to hockey camp or whatever nonsense hes running you ragged with
AC: you big dumb stinky butt
CT: Nepeta, please, we have talked about this.
CT: My father is quite controlling.
CT: He will not cotton well to me resisting.
CT: And it is archery class in the summer.
AC: pfft you suck at archery
CT: No.
AC: yes
CT: No.
AC: yes
CT: No.
AC: yes
CT: No I don’t.
AC: yesssss yes yes yes
AC: have you ever even successfully fired an arrow?
AC: like actually got one to leave the bow??
AC: what the hell is that about?
CT: Nepeta, what did I say about that awful language?
AC: oops
AC: sorry :(
CT: Your fraternization with the lower class has loosened your morals, can’t you see this?
AC: but it doesnt matter!
AC: most of my tossed-together family IS what youd define as lower class
AC: i guess you think karkat is, anyway
CT: Yuck.
CT: Don’t pollute my incoming data stream with his name.
AC: i don’t understand why you dislike him so much!
AC: sure he is cranky, but i think he is fun!
AC: he even plays silly purrtend games with me, even if in a grumpy and insincere way
AC: which is more than i can say for YOU, sweatquius :P
CT: We will never agree about him, it seems.
AC: yes, it DOES seem
AC: hes not as bad as you seem to think
CT: i think he is a negative influence on you, and you don’t know any better.
CT: Which is why I am here to look out for you.
AC: ahahaha, no
AC: everyone knows youre a creep and a weirdo
AC: which is why YOURE lucky to have ME to keep an eye on YOU
CT: I do not need you to keep an eye on me, or any of our supposed friends.
AC: but
AC: they ARE our furriends
AC: i was even thinking of joining terezi and vriskers and i guess eridan when they play dnd
CT: The thought of you fraternizing with and abetting those hooligans strikes me as scandal beyond measure.
CT: I’m afraid you’re too delicate to withstand that sort of corruption.
CT: It’s forbidden.
AC: nuh uuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
CT: Yes.
CT: You won’t.
AC: no
AC: i will
CT: You won’t.
AC: you cant stop me!
CT: I am telling you not to.
AC: blllllllraaaaaaawwwllrrrrghggghghgh

arsenicCatnip [AC] has ceased pestering centaursTesticle [CT]

            “Who are you talking to?” Horuss asked, leaning over from the other seat.
            “Nepeta.”
            “I don’t understand how you can be such good friends with one of such low standing,” their father muttered from the front seat.
            “I don’t see why you take issue with my friendship, but not with Horuss’ friendship with the older Ms. Leijon, nor his relationship with Mr. Nitram, who comes from a family of an unquestionably lower status,” Equius answered, his voice deadpan. Horuss wilted a bit, sinking in his seat, lest he be bereaved by their father. Instead, the discussion was once again replaced by silence as their chauffeur-slash-butler, Aurthour, drove them to the same upscale restaurant they went to every night after visiting Mother. Mr. Zahhak was nothing if not a master of routine. Their meal was just as tense as their drive had been. After a while, Mr. Zahhak spoke.
            “Session at Skaia High begins tomorrow. I expect both of you to be ready to leave the house with Aurthour by 7:30 AM. Should I hear that either of you are late, or any issues arise from your teachers, consequences will be swift.”
            “Yes, sir,” both Equius and Horuss answered in unison. Equius chose against mentioning the fact that he’d never attended Skaia High and was bound to get lost at least once. There was no point in upsetting his father, especially since it did not seem like things were going well with Mother. And the matter of his crush was weighing greatly on Equius’ mind. He was going to see her at school tomorrow, without a doubt, and he needed advice. But somehow, he didn’t think Nepeta would understand his internal conflict about it. With any luck, another friend would. A friend he just so happened to be neighbors with. And she just so happened to be on her way out as Equius returned home.

            “Hey Eq,” Vriska said, notably missing her typical grin.
            “Hello, Miss Serket. I have a question for you.”
            “Ok, shoot.”
            There was a reason he was asking Vriska, of all people. It wasn’t because they were particularly close; it was because she dealt with a similar situation of romance and class disparity. “Well, there seems to be something of a relationship between you and Mr. Nitram, correct?” Perhaps this was not the right thing to say, as Vriska suddenly looked quite angry.
            “And what business is that of yours?”
            “I am only asking because… people of our social standing—you and me, I mean… it is just. Oh fiddlesticks.”
            “Spit it out, Zahhak.”
            “Do you have difficulties acknowledging your feelings for someone of such a low social standing?” Vriska paused for a moment, and Equius could feel her cold judgement. That wasn’t an uncommon feeling from Vriska. And then she laughed derisively.
            “Do yo uactually believe the classist garbage that comes out of your mouth, or is this just a load of shit? Look, just because we have money and big houses and stuff doesn’t mean anything. If you like someone and they’re, like ‘low-class’ or whatever, who cares!” Equius sighed a bit. It wasn’t quite the advice he was looking for. But even though they were of high social-standing, the Serkets weren’t exactly well-mannered, so it didn’t come as much of a surprise. “So who is it?”
            Of course she would ask. “Uh… it’s Miss Droog.”
            “Hm. Interesting.”
            “Do you have any… advice?”
            “Why don’t you fucking ask Nepeta? She’s way better at this romance stuff than me.” Equius felt his face blush a bit. Nepeta would only admonish him for taking societal placements so seriously. “Besides, it’s not like that with me and Tavros. Just talk to her.”
            “Very well. But might I remind you that you do owe me a favor?” He was speaking, of course, of the enhanced prosthetic he’d provided for her after her arm got amputated. Sadly there was nothing he could do to fix her eye.
            “Fine,” Vriska admitted through grit teeth. “If shit goes south, I’ll help. But for now, I gotta go.” Equius nodded as Vriska walked off, and he went into his own house, immediately heading upstairs into his room. His backpack was already packed and his books set out for the morning, so there was nothing left to prepare. He glanced over at his desk, unfinished projects awaiting his attention, but instead of continuing on his robotics, he pulled out a sketchbook from an often-neglected drawer and began sketching, to calm his nerves. The first day of school was always an event. Something was bound to go wrong.

Chapter Text

             Equius was ready at 7:30, as he’d been instructed. Horuss stood beside him, wearing his fake smile.
            “Why do you do that?” Equius asked, scoffing a bit at his brother.
            “What?”
            “Smile all the time? It seems to me that pretending to be happy will only make matters worse.”
            “Meulin said that if I try hard enough to be happy, I will be.”
            Equius began to say something, but refrained. Horuss’ friendship with Meulin was very similar to Equius’ with Nepeta. If Meulin gave him advice, Horuss was bound to take it, no matter how silly it seemed. After another moment, Aurthour entered the room, scurrying past the boys to open the front door for them.
            “The car is waiting, young sirs,” he said, giving a small bow as the two boys walked past him.

            The school was not quite empty, but not quite as busy as Equius had expected it to be when they arrived. In fact, there was still half an hour until the first class started, according to the schedule he glued to the inside of his agenda book. Now was as good a time as any to talk to the art teacher. Room A34. Equius took a small breath and hoisted his backpack up, doing his best to follow the map to A34. Luckily, he found it fairly quickly, and Miss Broughton was in there getting some of her papers together. Equius poked his head through the door, knocking lightly as he entered. She looked up at him and gave a soft smile.
            “Hello, aren’t you a bit early?”
            “Miss Broughton, correct?”
            “Yes.”
            “My name is Equius Zahhak, I—”
            “Oh, Darius’ boy, right?” Equius nodded. “So. What can I help you with this morning.”
            “You see, I was very interested in taking an art class with you this year. However, I was unable to fit something into my schedule.” And his father wouldn’t approve, but that didn’t seem worth mentioning for the moment. “I was hoping I may be able to use the art space after school hours?”
            Miss Broughton tapped her pen against her chin thoughtfully. “Hm. Well, you’re in luck. I do have an afterschool club next door. Since I won’t be leaving campus until after hours anyway, I suppose I can leave the studio available for you. Clubs don’t start right away, though, so you’ll have to be patient as faculty gets started these first couple weeks.”
            “I understand. You have my gratitude.”
            “Gosh, you Zahhaks. So formal. Loosen up a bit!” Equius wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Perhaps he could be a little uptight. But that was his father’s doing. Miss Broughton just laughed a bit as Equius tried to put on a smile. “Alright, don’t force yourself. The bell is about to ring, though, so I will see you around, Equius.” Equius nodded again and then left the room, immediately hearing someone calling his name.
            “Equiusssssss!” He recognized the voice and prepared for her pounce. As expected, Nepeta leapt towards his back and he caught her, giving her a piggy-back ride.
            “Ah, Nepeta, I hardly think this is appropriate.”
            “Oh, don’t be such a party-pooper. What were you doing in the art room?”
            “I was discussing with Miss Broughton about potentially using the studio after school hours. Unfortunately, I was not able to fit an art class into my schedule, but she has been kind enough to accommodate me.”
            “Good thing, too, that way nobody will have to smell your sweaty butt,” Nepeta said with a laugh. Equius carried her on his back all the way to their English class. He and Nepeta were lucky enough to have matching schedules. Good for him, as he had difficulties socializing, and good for her, since he knew she needed help with academics sometimes. English passed, and then they went to history, where Vriska smirked at them upon their arrival.
            “Oh, heyyyyyyyy, it’s the ambiguously dating duo,” she said. Equius refrained from rolling his eyes.
            “Vriska, please. Humorous insincerity is for pedantic children.”
            “I know. You never make jokes. I was being sarcastic, you stooge.”
            “That’s because you’re a little worse than me.”
            “The fuck I am! Anyway. Hey! Did you talk to Aradia at all yet?” Right. That. Equius flushed a bit.
            “Keep your voice down,” he urged her. Nepeta was not aware of the situation as of yet, but it certainly got her attention. “Oooh, Equius, what’s this about Aradia?”
            Equius sighed a bit. “I may… have…a bit of a…”
            “Do you have--!” Nepeta stopped herself from asking too loud and dropped her voice to a whisper. “Do you have a crush on Aradia?”
            Equius blushed even more. “Y-yes.”
            “Ahh! I need to update my ships,” she said, flipping her notebook to a blank page.

            After History was Biology. Equius and Nepeta sat up at a lab station, only to be met by Eridan moments later, joining the two of them without even asking. All he’d said was, “hey guys,” before sitting, and while for all intents and purposes, Equius should have respected Eridan and gotten along well with him (they both resided in the upper echelons of Skaian society and since wealth and social class were the only things Equius’ father thought mattered, it only made sense that they rubbed elbows with the Amporas and Peixeses), Equius really didn’t care for Eridan. Most people didn’t, really. Equius and Nepeta’s fourth period class was Geometry, and then they went to lunch, joining the rest of their friends at a rather large table. Nepeta got caught up in a conversation with Feferi, and Equius just mulled over the lunch Aurthour had packed for him. His father wasn’t much of a cook, so it was usually just sandwiches that he or Aurthour had pre-prepared, and some snacks. They had a cook, for dinners, of course, but Aurthour took care of a lot of random tasks around the house, and apparently that included Equius’s and Horuss’s lunches. Equius truly wasn’t paying much attention to the conversation of his chattering friends.
            “Anybody have Geometry after this?” Sollux asked.
            “Mm, no, I have P.E.,” Aradia murmured, and Equius’ heart pounded. He, too, had P.E., and just sharing a class with her that allowed him to even speak with her… it was too much to imagine. Despite sharing a friend group, he and Aradia rarely talked. And of course they just walked together, along with Nepeta, and Equius found himself barely able to form words. They went into the gym, and Nepeta immediately pulled out her notebook and began doodling, rather than give her attention to the P.E. teacher.
            “Nepeta, focus,” he nudged her. It was not wholly a matter of chiding her; rather, he was simply trying to take his mind off his own concerns.
            “Equius, it’s fine. It’s syllabus day, and also gym class! It’s not like we’re going to be tested on this.”
            “Yes, but she is discussing safety protocol for our daily workouts. You should listen.”
            “You’re no fun.”
            “I would simply loathe for you to hurt yourself because you were too busy drawing to take the lecture to heart. What is that, anyway?” he asked, craning his neck to see.
            “It’s nothing!” Nepeta scrambled to hide the page from him, but he caught a glimpse anyway.
            “Is that you and Vantas?”
            “…purrhaps.”
            “Such wishful thinking.”
            “Equius!! Don’t be rude. You never know what could happen.”
            “Yes, but…” Equius paused, thinking over his comment, then decided against vocalizing his opinion. Nepeta was well aware of what he thought of Karkat, but there was no persuading her. She frowned at him.
            “You don’t have to say it, Equius,” she murmured at him, and he was glad he caught himself.
            “I just don’t want you to get hurt…”
            “You’re such a sap!” Nepeta said, but she was smiling at him again.

            The last class of the day was Spanish. Equius found that Vriska yet again shared a class with him, and to much less disdain, Sollux, as well. Equius glanced towards Nepeta as she gauged the room, and then followed her to a couple of free desks near Sollux.
            “Hi Pawlux!” Nepeta said cheerfully.
            “Good afternoon, Mr. Captor,” Equius greeted him as well.
            Sollux merely waved at Nepeta, then leaned forward in his seat to meet Equius’ eye line. “Hey, EQ. Hey, are we ever gonna collaborate?”
            “On a… technological project?” It was true that Equius had thought about it; Sollux was good with the actual coding of projects, whereas Equius was good with engineering and assembly.
            “Yeah, I could give your robots better AI or something. I dunno. Message me.”
            “Yes, that seems like it could prove an interesting project.”

            As Equius left the school for the day and joined up with Horuss, it occurred to him that he had not seen his brother for the entire day. They went their own way, but Equius was aware that Horuss went to meet up with his boyfriend, Rufioh Nitram, and he was looking a bit morose as they climbed into the back of the car Aurthour had waiting for them. Equius was half-tempted to ask what was wrong, but then Horuss put on that big fake smile again. He couldn’t help but wonder what was going on in his brother’s head.

Chapter Text

            The first few weeks of school occurred without much incident to speak of. That was, until Equius started noticing Homecoming posters going up. He still hadn’t made any attempts to talk to Aradia, but maybe this would be an opportunity. Maybe if he asked her to the dance, they would connect there. But what if she said no? What kind of embarrassment would that be? And worse, if word got to the teachers, and then his father… Equius knew he needed consulation before doing anything, so he asked the one person he knew he could always count on: Nepeta.
            He broached the subject while they were in the library studying. “Nepeta, are you aware of the upcoming Homecoming dance next month?”                       “Yeah! That kid from Adventure Club mentioned it.” Right. Jake something, in that club Nepeta had dragged Equius along to. His distaste for the activity wasn’t the subject at hand, though.
             “I am… considering asking Aradia to the dance with me.” Nepeta’s sharp look upward, eyes wide with excitement was enough to make Equius regret even bringing it up. “OH MY GOD. Equius, you have to!!!” she said, earning them both a shush from Ms. Rogers. “Sorry,” Nepeta said, letting her voice drop. “Equius, you gotta ask her before someone else does! I don’t know why you’re so shy about liking her.”
             “We are just… so different. I am not sure I can pluck up the courage.”
             “Oh, I know what you mean. I want to ask Karkitty, but… I don’t think he’ll say yes.”
             Equius stifled the urge to roll his eyes. Nepeta’s infatuation with Karkat was one he would never understand. “Mm, yes, quite a dilemma,” he muttered. Nepeta was quiet for a moment, apparently missing his heavy sarcasm.
             “Oh! Oh oh oh!! I know!!”
             “Nepeta, lower your voice.”
             “Shoot, sorry. But, if you don’t ask Aradia and I don’t ask Karkat, maybe we could just go together!”
             “As a date?”
             “No, as furriends, silly!” Nepeta grinned at him. “It would be better than going alone.”
             “I suppose you’re right. Very well, if our dates do not work out, we should attend together,” he agreed, and then the two of them went off to class.

             “Horuss, what are you doing about Homecoming?” Equius asked his brother when they arrived at home that afternoon. Horuss was smiling, but his eyes looked morose.
             “I assume Rufioh and I are going together, though I have yet to discuss the details with him.” Equius shifted to get a better look at his brother. Horuss let out a sigh. “Rufioh seems… distant lately. Like he’s beginning to tire of me. I… worry I have become too clingy.”
             “Is your concern that he may break up with you?” Horuss nodded morosely. Equius let out a sigh, not sure how he could help his brother. Neither of them seemed to be very good with romance. “Might I ask, how is it that Father finds you dating a Nitram to be acceptable, but for me to have feelings for Miss Droog is not? The Nitrams are barely more well-off.” Horuss looked up sharply at Equius in a way that was not common at all for Horuss, and Equius couldn’t help but wither a bit at his brother’s gaze.
             “Father was too busy coping with the fact that I am gay to address the problems of who I am gay with.” Equius immediately regretted asking.

              The next day, Equius’ table was joined by four students he couldn’t say he had much interaction with. There was a girl with pale blonde hair he somewhat recognized from their shared Biology class, and a boy with buck teeth and glasses that he recognized from some other class, but the other two were unfamiliar. The boy with the glasses spoke out first as they all approached the table.
            “Hey Karkat!”
            “I’m sorry, did I fucking invite you to sit here, Egbert?” Karkat snarled back. It was exactly that kind of vitriol and profanity that seasoned Equius’ distaste for Karkat, and it was only all the more frustrating knowing Nepeta was exposed to that behavior outside of school as well. Equius turned to see who was approaching. …
            “Oh fuck no, you three?” the blonde boy said, looking at Karkat, Gamzee, and Tavros. “These are the pricks from my Spanish class.”
            “Come on, Dave, Karkat isn’t so bad!”
            And without another word, John, Dave, Rose, and Jade were welcomed additions to their lunchtime camaraderie. Equius didn’t make a point to talk to most of them. Jade seemed interesting; his ears burned when she mentioned the “dreambot” her grandfather constructed for her, but he already had too many friends to keep up with.

            A few weeks passed, and then the inevitable happened: Feferi got excited about Homecoming.
            “Boys, who’re you all gonna ask? Or have you already?” Equius’ face flushed. Aradia hadn’t been joining them for lunch time as of late, but he still knew if he said something in front of this particular group of people, word was sure to get back to her.
            “I ain’t asking nobody, gonna go with my motherfuckin’ self and have a good time,” Gamzee said. It was only fitting he would be the one to break the awkward silence that had settled across the table. Feferi looked at him, eyes wide.
            “O-oh… um, what about you, Karkat?”
            “Don’t put me on the spot! What about you, princess? Who are you going with?”
            “Oh, I already told Eridan I would go with him,” Feferi answered, still smiling as much as ever.
            “Not worth the time. He’s such a fucking pain; I can’t believe I ever dated him,” Vriska sneered.
            “Because you were so fuckin’ peachy, right Vris?!” Eridan snapped back at her. This was exactly the reason Equius didn’t want to get involved with crushes; so many of his friends were so dramatic about dating and whatnot. But he couldn’t help it. Something about Aradia was so alluring. Maybe it was the fact that she was so low on the social hierarchy; something that, according to his father, he wasn’t allowed to have. And that only made him want it more.
            “Eridan, hush,” Feferi attempted to soothe him. “He’s not so bad. Anyway, what about you, John?”
            “I, uh…” John mumbled, and then Rose stepped in to rescue him.
            “John and I will be attending together. He never got up the nerve to ask anyone, and neither did I.” That was the first thing anyone had said that day that Equius could actually relate to. He’d been tripping over asking Aradia for weeks, and still hadn’t managed to do it. It was only a matter of time before she was already taken, and he’d be escorting Nepeta because there was no way Karkat was going to say yes to her. Equius supposed that was the benefit of having a friend as close with him as Nepeta was; at least he wouldn’t be going alone.
            “‘S cool, bro,” Dave said. “I wasn’t going to ask anyone to be my date either. I’m with Gamzee on that one.”
            “Yeahhhh,” Gamzee murmured, extending his fist to Dave from across the table. Equius couldn’t believe Gamzee’s behavior sometimes; for someone who was supposed to be of an even higher class than Equius, Gamzee sure didn’t act like it.
            “As much fun as a date would be, I thought we could all just go as friends!” Jade said, and then she gave a sly grin. “Buuuuut, I’m still curious. Who would you ask, Tavros?”
            “Uhm… I was going to ask… um… this girl, from English class. Uh, how about you, Equius?” Equius suddenly inherited Tavros’ embarrassment, and, by simply knowing word would likely get back to Aradia, Equius felt a certain amount of reticence about telling Feferi and the others the truth of his crush. He felt a knowing glance from Vriska, but still refrained from saying anything too specific.
            “I was… going to ask someone. But, if she says no I will go with Nepeta.” Nepeta lightly punched his arm, and Equius looked over at her in mild surprise.
            “You butt! I’m your second choice?” she said.
            “I believed that was our arrangement…” Equius muttered to himself.
            “Naw, it is. I’m just teasing.”And as usual, Equius couldn’t help but smile at Nepeta’s antics. There was a reason they’d stuck together through so many years. 

            Equius and Nepeta parted from the rest of their friends, and Equius couldn’t help but let out a sigh. How was he supposed to work up the nerve? Every part of him told him he shouldn’t even have such… lewd feelings for Aradia.
            “What’s wrong, Equius?” Nepeta asked.
            “I am just nervous about asking Miss Droog to the dance.”
            “If you don’t huuuuurryyyyyy, Sollux is gonna beat you to it!” Equius let out another sigh as Nepeta giggled to herself. It truly wasn’t helping to bring his spirits up. “Aw, I’m sorry, Equius.”
            “You’re right, though. She and Mister Captor have an… interesting dynamic.” They always had. It seemed like, at least to Equius, that his feelings were likely very much unrequited.
            “You need to go for it, Eq.” Nepeta’s commentary was beginning to weigh on Equius’s patience.
            “I know this. However, I am not sure how to go about it.”
            “Well… I don’t know! Maybe you could paint her something,” Nepeta suggested.
            Equius pondered this for a moment. “That is… not a bad idea. Perhaps I will take my time in the art room after school today.” He tapped his chin thoughtfully for a moment, and then looked back at Nepeta. “Are you going to ask Mister Vantas soon?”
            “Why are you so formal about everything? Calling everyone ‘Miss’ or ‘Mister’?”
            “It is how I was raised; it is polite.”
            “You don’t call me ‘Miss Leijon’.”
            “Well… no. Not anymore.” It was true that Equius had called her ‘Miss Leijon’ for a long time after they’d first met, but Nepeta got so impertinent and insistent that such formalities were unnecessary that he’d dropped it. It was actually when she told him that calling her by her first name would make their friendship feel more genuine and mutual. Maybe that was why everyone else thought him to be so odd. And then it struck Equius what Nepeta had done—completely avoided his question. “And it just occurred to me that you did not actually answer my question—are you going to ask Mister Vantas soon?”
            “I guess I have to! I’m gonna try later tonight…” Nepeta’s voice trailed.

             After school, the two parted ways and Equius kept true to his word, taking much care in his painting that afternoon. Rusty reds and indigo and dark black paints stained his palette, quickly accompanied by bright yellows for the lights and metallically painted décor, until he had a beautiful painting of him and Aradia, already dancing under the lights together, and painted on in ornate lettering below their figures, ‘Will you go to Homecoming with me?’ He grinned, more than satisfied with his work, and knew it was only a matter of time before the right time struck to show her.

Chapter Text

            Feferi ran up to Equius at school the next day, a wide smile on her face. Equius raised an eyebrow at her, some sense of dread rising through him. Feferi either had really good news or really bad news, as she had her ear tilted towards gossip at all times and had no qualms about sharing it. Whether she meant to be malicious or not, this often resulted in hurt feelings and misunderstandings.
            “Hey Equius!! I just wanted to ask if you’d like to come over to my place before Homecoming! I thought we could all get together and take some pictures and then go get dinner.
            “Ah. Yes, that sounds lovely.”
            “And anyone you ask to come with you is welcome to join!” Equius blushed furiously, not able to come up with an answer. “I told everyone the same thing, but I think it’s still going to end up being the same group of people. Sollux told me he finally asked Aradia out!” And then Equius paled.
            “He did?”
            “Mhm!” Feferi nodded, still smiling wide. But Equius, he couldn’t even fake a smile. His heart had just been utterly shattered, and after another moment, Feferi seemed to understand this. “Oh… you were going to ask her, weren’t you.”
            “I…” Well, there was no point in attempting to keep it a secret anymore. “Well. Yes.”
            Feferi gave him a sort of odd-looking smile, and Equius found himself blushing again.
            “Don’t give up on her, Equius,” she said, before bounding off to her mother’s car. Equius still mulled over it, though, letting it dwell in his mind, until Nepeta messaged him over the weekend.

arsenicCatnip [AC] began pestering centaursTesticle [CT]

 AC: hi equius!!
AC: howre things going with asking aradia out?
CT: Ah.
CT: Actually, it seems you were correct.
CT: I spent too long twiddling my thumbs over it and I was informed that she already has a date for the evening.
AC: awwww :(
AC: i’m sorry, equius
CT: It is no matter.
CT: I’m sure the dance will be enjoyable nonetheless.
CT: How are things going for you?
AC: uhhhhhhmmmmm
AC: about the same i guess
AC: apparently karkitty is going to the dance with terezi
CT: Ah, I see.
AC: so i get to go with you, sweatquius!
CT: Actually, I was contacted by Miss Peixes about the dance.
CT: Apparently she is having a get-together of sorts beforehand, for pictures and dinner.
AC: :O!!!!
AC: that sounds fun!!
CT: I figured you would say that.
CT: I told her we would go.
AC: ahhh okay!!
AC: that sounds good.
AC: anyway i need to go equius, we’re all going to the mall to get our dresses!
CT: Who exactly is ‘we all’?
AC: me and meu and kanaya and Porrim
AC: also karkat kankri and cronus
AC: but they’re not getting dresses
CT: Of course.
CT: I will let you go, then.
CT: Oh, but please do send me a picture of your dress.
AC: oh okay!!
AC: will do :3 

arsenicCatnip [AC] has ceased pestering centaursTesticle

            Equius huffed a bit. The dance was soon, and he still wasn’t sure about the whole thing. He’d let himself down drastically by not asking Aradia out, which was something he was already conflicted about even wanting to do, and it all sort of made him not even want to go to the dance. But he’d already promised Nepeta that they would go, because she loved social events like that and he was providing the comfort he could that Karkat was attending with someone else. Letting Nepeta down would only make Equius feel worse about himself; even more disappointed. So Equius went to do what he always did to calm himself down. He poured himself a cold glass of milk and drank it down, and then went into the garage, which doubled as a workspace for his and Horrus’s various robotics projects. He usually left his phone aside, lest it be affected by the heat when he welded, but today he was mostly refining things, like tightening screws. His small robots never seemed to hold much intelligence though. He was very skilled at assembly, but not at getting robots to actually accomplish tasks. They mostly became punching bags he could fight without destroying them. It wasn’t too long before Equius received another message from Nepeta.

arsenicCatnip [AC] began pestering centaursTesticle [CT]

 -- arsenicCatnip [AC] sent photo to centaursTesticle [CT] --

CT: Green and blue.
CT: Seems appropriate.
CT: Though, do you mind if I switched them around?
AC: hmm???
CT: The dress.
CT: It’s green with blue embellishments.
CT: I would prefer to wear blue with green embellishments.
AC: oh!
AC: wear whatever you want, equius!!
CT: It is customary for couples to color-coordinate.
AC: ummmm hey big stinky butt
AC: we’re not a couple :P
CT: I am aware of this, but we are attending together, no?
AC: yessssss
AC: im not saying it wouldnt be cute to match, but you dont have to if you dont wanna!
CT: Well, I would like to.
AC: well then i wont stop you!!

arsenicCatnip [AC] has ceased pestering centaursTesticle [CT]

            So that was settled. Equius left the garage and went to peruse his closet. Hopefully there was something in there he could use to match Nepeta’s dress. True, he owned plenty of blue clothing that would match the accents in Nepeta’s dress, but most of his button-downs were from the early days of middle school. It was unlikely that they would still fit. And of course he was right, and his shirts didn’t fit him. The logical course of action was to ask Horrus to borrow something, but Horrus wasn’t around and Equius was truly tired of stressing himself out over the dance, so he went into his father’s closet instead. He went through, quickly pilfering a deep blue shirt, along with an olive green bowtie. His father had so many dress clothes, Equius doubted he would even notice the items missing. And if he did… well, Equius would just have to deal with that as it came. It wasn’t like him to disobey his father or take things without asking, but he was beginning to question his father’s all-encompassing rules and his very… particular worldview. Besides, it wasn’t as if he wasn’t going to return them. He, at the very least, still had a black jacket of his own to pair with the ensemble.

            And then the next weekend, it was the dance. Equius still felt a certain amount of apprehension as he left the car, telling Aurthour he would call for him, and made his way into the Peixes mansion. Horrus walked alongside him, looking equally nervous. They exchanged a glance before splitting off to their separate friend groups. It was somewhat amazing that the yard was so large it could accommodate two large groups for pictures.
            “Hello, Miss Peixes,” Equius smiled at Feferi. “Thank you for hosting us.”
            “It’s my pleasure, Equius!”
            It was hardly another moment before Equius saw Nepeta sprinting towards him. She took a running leap and landed in his arms, hugging him.
            “Hi!!” Nepeta said with a grin.
            “You must stop jumping at me like that,” Equius muttered at her. It seemed inappropriate. But Nepeta merely nodded towards her sister, who was having a similar interaction with Kurloz Makara.
            “Sorry, Equius, looks like it runs in the family. Get used to it.” Still, Equius set Nepeta down, and she turned to the crowd of adults. “Hey, where’s your dad?”
            Equius faltered. Sometimes he forgot about how observant Nepeta could be. Truth be told, he didn’t know exactly where his dad was. He hadn’t even thought about it. The house was often empty and quiet so it wasn’t like Equius even realized when his dad was gone some of the time. But when Nepeta said it, and when he looked at nearly everyone else’s parents, it felt wrong. There had been so many moments in his life that his father hadn’t been present for; things he pointlessly relegated to Aurthour. But Aurthour was not a parent, he was an employee. And Equius realized that… his father just didn’t care to be there for him. He was hardly even there for Equius’ mother, who was slowly, slowly dying. It was such a startling realization that he simply blinked at Nepeta for a moment before finally answering.
            “He… uh, couldn’t me it tonight. He had a prior engagement. I believe something for work.”
            “Ohh…” Equius could hear her pity, and that almost felt worse than the fact that his father was absent. 

            Everything went on as normal for the night. They took pictures; they had dinner; they went to the dance. Equius wasn’t sure what to make of a lot of it; he really came as a formality. But he was good at formalities, up until Nepeta managed to drag him onto the dance floor. Then, he managed to stop faking it and actually have a good time. If nothing else, he had Nepeta. That was one friend he knew he could count on. Until the DJ called for a slow dance. His eyes darted towards Nepeta, who was still simply beaming at him.
            “Excuse me for a moment, Nepeta,” he said, and skirted through the crowd towards the wall, spotting Aradia and Sollux at a table as he did so. But of course Nepeta followed, despite his embarrassment.
            “What’s wrong, Equius?” she asked.
            He knew there was no point in avoiding the topic; Nepeta was not the type to drop things, especially if she knew Equius was unhappy. So he conceded. “I… wanted to ask Aradia to dance with me.”
            “So?? Go do it!”
            “You don’t understand, Nepeta, the mere idea od speaking with her makes me nervous beyond belief. She is… interesting… different. I feel almost as though, I shouldn’t even be having these feelings for her.”
            “Equiusssss, you’re overthinking things!”
            “Her family… they are just so… low.” As soon as he said it, Equius regretted it. Not only was he trying to mend this mindset, it also got him a swat on the shoulder from Nepeta, who was scowling at him.
            “Who cares about that! Money and class and all that? It doesn’t matter.”
            “You would say that.”
            “Can you stop and listen to me for once? Just ask her to dance. She might surprise you.”
            Equius forced himself to take Nepeta’s words to heart and let out a small breath, turning towards Nepeta to face her properly. “Do you really think so?”
            “I think… and call me crazy, BUT. You won’t know unless you try. Duh.”
            Equius took another breath and straightened out his tie. “Fine, fine. When this goes over poorly, I will be back to speak to you about it.”
            “Just gooooooo, you big dummy!” Nepeta urged, just before taking matters into her own hands and pushing Equius away from the wall. He raised his hands in a gesture of surrender, and after Nepeta pushed him off, he continued on his walk towards Sollux and Aradia’s table, feeling his heart jackhammering in his chest. As he approached, he caught the tail end of their conversation.
            “…front. It’s a little too busy out there for me. I think I’m done dancing for the night.”
            “If that’s the case, might I enjoy a dance with the lady?” Wow, that somehow sounded so much smoother than Equius felt. Even just asking the question was enough to make him blush. And much to his surprise, Aradia stood up and joined him with just a short look back at Sollux.
            If there was one thing Equius was aware of, it was that he was much larger, both in height and broadness, and that large boys were not typically expected to dance well. But dancing was something he enjoyed very much as a child, and it was something his mother greatly encouraged. So for him to spin around the crowd and twirl Aradia around him was a small, simple feat, but seemed to greatly impress her.
            “I couldn’t help but notice you tonight. You look quite stunning in that dress, if I may say so, Miss Droog.” It was a good thing Equius was good at hiding his discomfort in awkward situations, because his words were so much more articulate when he spoke than when he thought them.
            “Wow. Um, thanks,” Aradia said, but it was clear that she wasn’t sure what to make of the situation. He kept his mouth closed for the rest of the dance, lest he put his foot in it, granting Aradia only a small “thank you” when she departed to return to her table. He smiled to himself a bit, then returned to Nepeta, who had once again found a place on the dance floor. She instantly narrowed in on his smile.
            “Well you’re in a good mood!” she grinned at him.
            “I got to dance with her! Ah, Nepeta, I should heed your advice more often.”
            “Oh, go figure,” Nepeta said, sticking her tongue out at Equius. More often than not, he knew she was right. Nepeta was much more skilled about traversing relationships and their complications; even simple friendships when hurdles were presented.

            At some point in the evening, though, Aradia vanished. And Equius couldn’t help but feel some semblance of guilt. Everything had been fine before he danced with her. What if he just ruined the dance for her? Suddenly, his high came crashing down on him, and he couldn’t have possibly felt worse about himself.

Chapter Text

        Equius was, once again, dwelling in his own thoughts about things with Aradia. He couldn’t help but feel as though he’d lost his only chance with her. Why had she suddenly vanished? It seemed obvious that he’d done something wrong. That was the only logical explanation, wasn’t it? And at this point he was honestly just too embarrassed to talk to Nepeta about it again, so he went to the only other source he had.

centaursTesticle [CT] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG]

CT: Vriska.
AG: Whaaaaaaaat?
AG: Also Christ you really do need to change your username.
AG: It sounds like an 11 year old made it and was trying to be crass for no reason other than “wow bad words are funny”.
CT: I WAS 11 when I made it.
CT: What’s wrong with it anyway?
AG: Uh
AG: Nevermind.
AG: What do you want?
CT: I am asking for you to finally repay that favor.
AG: Ughhhhhhhh.
AG: If I say yes, will you stop holding this “favor” over my head?
CT: Yes.
AG: Then yes.
AG: What do you want me to do?
CT: I…
CT: I don’t know specifically.
AG: Then I can’t help you, horse-for-brains.
CT: I just want you to manufacture a way for Aradia and I to be alone.
AG: Okaaaaaaaay.
AG: I guess I’ll try to keep an eye out for an opportunity.
AG: Hard for me to really do anything about it at school.
CT: I see.
CT: Very well.
CT: I will speak to you more about this later.

 centaursTesticle [CT] ceased pestering arachnidsGrip [AG]

            Equius knew Vriska was smart; she had her ways. He tried not to worry too much about it, but Aradia’s sudden disappearance from their lunch table was only too noticeable, and it kept Equius’ mind on her. 
           “Hey, guys, my parents are out of town, so I was thinking of, having a Halloween party, at my house maybe?” It came so suddenly and from the most unexpected person that the shift in conversation felt oddly jarring to Equius. Or maybe it was that he was so often inside his own head that he found conversation hard to maintain. Either way, his eyes snapped up to Tavros as Vriska laughed.
            “That’s ballsy, Tavros. What happens if you get in trouble?”
            “Ummmm, I don’t know… Rufioh’s in charge.”
            “Ohhhhhhhh, no nosey neighbor babysitting this time?”
            “I haven’t seen Mr. Boxcars around the last couple days. I think it should be fine.” Equius glanced over at Nepeta, who was scowling at Vriska. He gently placed a hand on her shoulder, reminding her not to lash out, despite Vriska’s abrasiveness.
            “That sounds really fun, Tavros. It’s been a while since we all had a party,” Terezi said.
            “I’ve been meaning to host more!” Feferi added. “I think the holiday season will be better for parties at my house.”
            “Th-that’s okay, Fef, you shouldn’t have to host all the time,” Tavros said. “So, yeah, you guys are all invited over for Halloween.”
            “Halloween sucks, though,” Sollux said. Equius hated to agree with him, but he did. Halloween was not as great a holiday as others made it seem. But after a moment, Sollux changed his tune. “Ah—fine, sounds like a plan, then.”
            “Yeah? Oh… where’s Aradia?”
            “Don’t look at me!” Sollux snipped. “I have no idea what her deal is.” Nepeta looked at Equius, who merely shrugged at her.
            “Oh no… um… Nepeta, you have your next class with Aradia, right?”
            “Yeah… we have P.E. together!”
            “Could you, uh, do me a favor and tell her about the party?”
            “Of course, Tavfurros!” Equius felt a tad relieved that Aradia would not be the sole member of the group left out of the party. Nepeta would reach out. She was so reliable that way. Lunch ended, and Equius and Nepeta started off towards class together.
            “Nepeta.”
            “Yessssss?”
            “I have a request for you.”
            “What is it.”
            “Can you ask Aradia if she’s doing alright? We haven’t spoken since Homecoming. In fact, I don’t believe she’s had much contact with anyone since Homecoming.”
            “Why can’t you ask her yourself?”
            “I just believed that since Tavros requested you to tell her about the party anyway, it would not be trouble for you. Besides, girls tend to speak to girls differently than they speak to boys. You tend to be more open with each other.”
           “You big stink butt. I’m not going to hit on her for you!”
            “That was not what I meant! You… gosh-darned sillyface. Please, just ask her how she’s doing.”
            “Ughhhh, fine. But you owe me!”
            “Of course,” Equius murmured. He knew Nepeta was just trying to get him to socialize more and talk to Aradia of his own volition. But truth be told, he was just so afraid that he’d been the one that drove her away from the dance, and she wouldn’t want to see him. It simply made more sense to send Nepeta on his behalf. And by all accounts, things seemed to go well. Nepeta told Equius that Aradia said she would come to the party, and Equius and Nepeta sure planned on going to the party, so they went out costume shopping that Friday. Equius found himself a tad bit overwhelmed by the vast selection and walked a few circles around the store until he just huffed and pulled a robot costume off the rack and took it to Nepeta.
            “Do you think this is suitable?”
            “I think….hmm. It’s a little tacky.”
            “Hmm,” he murmured back at her, investigating the material inside the packaging. Perhaps she was right.
            “Oh!! You could go as Hawkeye!!” Nepeta exclaimed. Equius turned his attention back to her, quirking an eyebrow upwards.
            “Pardon?”
            “Hawkeye, like the Avenger? He’s even got a little bow and arrow, look,” Nepeta said, snatching a costume off the rack. He looked at Nepeta surreptitiously. He could never keep up with all the superhero films, though the ones he had seen with Nepeta were more than enjoyable.
            “A superhero?”
            “Kind offfff… We can be like a comic book duo! Even though they’re not from the same universe…”
            “Nepeta, I am planning to ask Aradia out officially, on a date at this party. Which do you think would appeal more to her?” he said very quickly, worried he would still manage to chicken out. Nepeta grinned widely at him.
            “Ahhhh! Equius, are you serious?!”
            “Er… yes, of course.”
            “Wear the Hawkeye one, superheroes always get the girl,” Nepeta said, waggling her eyebrows a bit. Equius felt a turn in his stomach, but still, he set his jaw. Very well, he thought to himself. He nodded curtly at Nepeta and hastily shoved the robot costume back onto the shelf.

            When he returned home from his outing with Nepeta, he found Horuss looking mildly distraught, which seemed to be a pattern as of late. At school, Horuss managed to maintain some façade of happiness, but once home, his smiles often dropped. Equius assumed there was some kind of problem with Rufioh.
            “Equius, is your friend Tavros hosting a party for Halloween?”
            “Er, yes,” Equius murmured to his brother.
            “Ah, I see,” Horuss muttered, then looked back down at his phone. Equius opened his mouth to speak, but was quickly cut off again. “You see, I asked Rufioh about his plans for the evening in hopes of spending it together, but he told me he would be busy watching Tavros.”
            “I’m sorry,” Equius said, simply at a loss for anything else to say. Horuss pursed his lips, as though he were waiting for Equius to say something else, and when he didn’t, Horuss went back to his business. Equius did his best to put it out of his mind, retreating into his bedroom until his father summoned him for dinner.

            By the time Saturday arrived, Equius found himself feeling quite nervous about the party, and his intention to ask Aradia on a real date. He wasn’t sure he would have the courage to do it, but knew if he didn’t at least try, he would only spend more time being angry with himself. Thankfully, after his arrival to the Nitram house, Vriska finally made good on her word.
            “Hey Eq, I think I have a solution to your problem.”
            He felt himself stiffen at the mere sound of her voice. “What do you mean?”
            “Well, we’re at a party, right? Suffice to say, I’ve engineered a party game.”
            “I…”
            “Equius!!” he heard Nepeta shout. He froze, wanting to ask more questions, but not wanting Nepeta to know he was in kahoots with Vriska. Despite her family’s social status, Vriska’s behavior could be mildly deplorable.
            “Don’t worry, Zahhak, I got it covered,” Vriska said, just before stalking off. 
            “Ah… alright then,” he muttered to himself as she went around the corner. He took a small breath and turned to Nepeta, who had once again stolen his attention.
            “Hey Eq! I told you that costume would look good. We almost kind of match. Maybe it would have been better if I were Black Widow…” Nepeta’s voice trailed for a moment, and then she abruptly changed the subject. “Hey, what’re you gonna do about asking Aradia out?”
            Equius’ face flushed immediately. “Nepeta, hush!” he urged her.
            “Relaaaaax, they can’t hear me over the music.”
            “I have made an arrangement…”
            “With Vriska?”
            “Er… no.” Oh. He said that wholly on impulse. It wasn’t like him to lie to her, or to anyone, really, but this whole situation was throwing all his instincts off. He grew quiet for a while, the party more happening around him than him being an active participant. And then, the music faded, Vriska’s hand at the volume dial.
            “Hey losers! Come on, we’re starting another game in here,” she said. Equius gulped, then walked into the other room where Vriska had everyone gathering. Once everyone followed, and their late arrivals joined them (John, Rose, Dave, and Jade), Vriska gathered their attention. “Alright, everyone, it’s time for 7 Minutes in Heaven!” As soon as she said that, Equius knew exactly what she had articulated.
            “Vriska, please, this is so ridiculous,” Sollux huffed. Equius wasn’t sure whether he wanted to agree with him or not. “Besides, what the fuck has this got to do with Halloween?”
            “Shut your lispy mouth, asshat,” Vriska snipped back. “You don’t have to play, but there’s always the chance for some alone time with the freaky girl of your dreams.” Well, now she was just being cruel. If Vriska had done what Equius thought she’d done, then she knew it wasn’t going to be Sollux that ended up in there. “I have taken the liberty of putting all the ladies’ names into this hat, and all the boys’ into Terezi’s. Tavros, if you would do the honors?”
            Equius’ heart stopped as Tavros reached into Vriska’s hat. And then he said, “Um, Aradia…?” In a moment, Vriska was on Aradia, ushering her towards a nearby closet. And as Vriska announced the next name, Equius didn’t know what he wanted her to say.
            “And our lucky guy is… Equius Zahhak!” That… was exactly what he expected. Okay, it was now or never. “I told you I had it under control,” she hissed in his ear as they went towards the closet. He couldn’t help but flinch as Vriska whisked the door shut behind him, and found himself sweating profusely in such close quarters. Neither of them spoke for a while, and then Aradia broke the silence.
            “I had, uhm, a good time dancing with you at Homecoming,” Aradia said, looking at their feet. She did? Equius shuffled around a bit, nervousness overcoming him.
            “Yes, it was quite nice. You looked...beautiful that night.” He felt himself move a bit closer to her.
            “Really?” Why did she sound so surprised? Did Aradia truly not realize how beautiful she was? Words started coming more naturally to him.
            “Yes, I was surprised that Mr. Captor did not wish to dance with you more.” Equius’ hands found themselves at her waist. Aradia looked up at him.
            “Did he say something to you?”
            “Not exactly, but I don’t believe he appreciates you as much as he should.” Aradia looked down, and Equius realized, in retrospect, the harshness of his words. It wasn’t anything he believed to be untrue, but it was entirely possible that it would hurt Aradia. It was impossible to read her expression in the dark of the closet, so Equius did the only thing he could think of-- he cupped Aradia’s chin, leaned in, and kissed her. “Miss Droog, I would be honored if you would accompany me on a date.”
            “I-- what?”

Chapter Text

            Just at that moment, Vriska whisked the closet door back open. Equius blushed, but didn’t move away from Aradia. Their audience slowly dissipated. Equius shifted his hand from her waist to her hand, but Aradia pulled away, drifting like a ghost into the next room. Instead of following, Equius locked eyes with Nepeta, and plopped onto the floor beside her.
            “So did you ask her out?” Nepeta immediately asked. Equius glanced around the room, and saw it sufficiently empty.
            “Yes.”
            “What did she say?”
            “She... didn’t say much of anything. I think it was a yes?” She certainly hadn’t said no.

            The rest of the party was uneventful. They watched a movie and went to bed-- at least, those who were able to stay did. And once he was home, Equius messaged Aradia to arrange the details of their date. It was a brief and slightly terse conversation, but it was done. Equius smiled to himself. For once, he was actually pleased about how things were going with Aradia, even if he knew he still couldn’t let his father know. And he couldn’t help but wonder if things would be different if his mother were… around more. From what little he could remember, she was always more supportive of Equius’ pursuit of the arts and all the more ‘sensitive’ pastimes he had that his father was more reluctant to let him explore. It was always archery or hockey or something along those lines. And it wasn’t as though Equius didn’t enjoy those things, but he would enjoy them a lot more if he were given the agency to choose for himself. And it was the same with dating. His father had very strict expectations on who they should and shouldn’t be with. He’d lightened just the slightest bit when Horuss came out, but Equius still couldn’t shake the years of indoctrination that the social hierarchy that was ever-present in Skaia was of the utmost importance. His father taught him that they were better than the majority of people in the town, and Equius was beginning to see how foolish that was, but it was still ingrained in his head. But he was still grateful for how things had developed, and though he wasn’t exactly close with Vriska, he had to acknowledge that this would have been impossible without her help. Her conniving ways articulated the whole evening for him. But, of course, he also knew that she wouldn’t have helped if she hadn’t owed him a favor.
         Their families were close in social standing, as well as physical, since they were neighbors. So when Vriska was gone for a few days when they were in the 7th grade, it was more than a little noticeable. Equius was outside when Vriska finally returned from the hospital, cheap plastic with one stiff elbow joint replaced her arm and half of her shoulder. She glowered at Equius, who was staring at her as her sister ushered her inside. The next time he saw her, he once again gaped at her cheap prosthetic. Then, Vriska snapped.
          “What are you gaping at, horseface?!”
          “My apologies, I was simply--”
          “Yeah, don’t even bother answering. I already know I’m a freak now.” Vriska looked down morosely and tried to move her stiff fake arm.
          “What happened?”
          “I...fell. Out of Terezi’s treehouse.”
          “Ah,” Equius murmured, unsure of what else he could even say.
          “Shit sucks!” Vriska shouted. Aranea, who had been supervising, had long since absconded into the house, leaving Vriska and Equius to their conversation over the fence. “Stupid plastic prosthetic.”
          “I can fix it,” Equius blurted, without even really thinking. Vriska raised an eyebrow at him. He cleared his throat a bit. “I can make some improvements to your mobility. I’ve been experimenting with my robotics projects.”
         Then, instead of looking mad, Vriska looked hopeful, or maybe even grateful. “You...you can fix my arm?” Equius just nodded at her. Vriska stared back at him, her eyes wide, until her mother called her into the house.

          It wasn’t long after that that Vriska came knocking, asking for his help. And Equius made good on his word and made the improvements to her prosthetic. Of course, this mostly meant making a whole new prosthetic. And, since Equius, even at 13 years old, wasn’t an idiot, he made Vriska agree to owe him a favor, and, albeit reluctantly, Vriska eventually agreed. This was the favor that he’d just called in; the favor that eventually worked out to get him his date with Aradia, a date he still couldn’t believe he even had.

Chapter Text

            Horuss was good at pretending. He pretended to be happy, he pretended he was okay with how distant his father was, and he pretending things with Rufioh were still okay. The truth was that he knew they weren’t. Rufioh was acting oddly about things, but Horuss was so very much in love with him that it almost didn’t matter. Almost. Horuss pretended, like he always did, that every time Rufioh pushed him away, it wasn’t chipping away slowly at his heart. Maybe this was just his karma for moving in on someone else’s boyfriend. The day that Damara caught them was an ugly day. She was stronger than she looked. Rufioh’s attempts to distance himself resulted in her figuring out something was happening, and now Rufioh was distancing himself away from Horuss. If this were anything like the last time, Horuss should have been worried. But he wasn’t worried, he was just sad, and this sadness resulted in Horuss spending Halloween alone, which was enough to make even him drop his smile. There was truly only one other friend he could turn to in times like this.

cavalierTechnophilia [CT] began pestering alleycatCupid [AC]

 CT: Meulin?
AC: yeah horhiss??
CT: Are you terribly busy right now?
CT: I’m afraid I’ve found myself alone tonight, and
CT: I am not quite in a positive headspace.
AC: oh… well i’m with kurloz
CT: Ah, I see.
CT: My apologies for the disturbance, then.
AC: oh, no!
AC: don’t be!!
AC: what’s wrong?
CT: Rufioh is busy tonight, watching all our siblings at their party.
CT: I feel as though he does not want to be with me anymore.
AC: that’s ridiculous.

             Horuss refrained from huffing at his screen. How could Meulin have more faith in his relationship than he did? Well, she and Kurloz made it look so easy, didn’t they?

AC: why don’t you come ofur here?
AC: we can hang out all three of us

            What, so he could be the third wheel? He didn’t exactly care for the idea, but it was still more appealing than spending the rest of the night alone and sad.

 CT: Are you sure?
AC: yeah!
CT: Okay, I will be there shortly then.

cavalierTechnophilia [CT] ceased pestering alleycatCupid [AC]

            When Horuss arrived at the Makara home and descended into the basement that had become Kurloz’s bedroom, Meulin grinned wide at him, and he couldn’t even force himself to grin back. Meulin gave him a hug, then dropped back into Kurloz’s lap. Horuss took the beanbag opposite them.
            “Come on, Horuss, you’re with friends now! Where’s your smile?” Horuss glanced up at her and flashed a wide, fake smile, but could only hold it for a moment. He looked down at the floor again, morose. Meulin stood up, shuffled around for a moment, then spoke again without returning to her seat. “So what’s going on?”
            Horuss knew he couldn’t ignore a direct question. He had to at least address the situation.
            “I’m not sure. Rufioh just seems distant as of late. I’m not quite sure what I did.”
            “Rufioh’s purrobably just dealing with other stuff! Don’t sweat it, Horuss.” Damn her endless optimism. Even with what the universe had thrown at her, Meulin never failed to look for a silver lining. Meulin paced back to the beanbag. Horuss lookedup at her just in time for her tot blow a plume of smoke in his face. His eyes tracked the pipe as Meulin passed it off to Kurloz. Meulin’s face crumpled as Kurloz struggled to take a hit. “I should have rolled a joint instead, huh Kur? Sorry.” The three of them paused for a moment, Kurloz and Meulin both turning to look at Horuss. “Do you want to try?” Meulin asked, offering the pipe to him. Drugs? Horuss’ father might actually kill him if he knew he was doing drugs. But still, Horuss accepted.
            “Well, I suppose one time couldn’t hurt…” Horuss said. Meulin handed him the joint, he took a puff in, then spluttered out a cough.

            Time passed, but Meulin never shifted from Kurloz’s lap. Horuss couldn’t help but feel like he was looking in on them from the outside. Meulin was stroking her thumb along Kurloz’s stitches.
            “Do you ever wonder what we’d be like if that hadn’t happened?” Meulin asked. Kurloz signed something quickly at her, and Horuss watched as a wide grin spread across her face. “AWWWWW!” she squealed, tugging Kurloz into a
tight hug and signing back at him. Horuss raised an eyebrow at the two of them.
            “What did he say?” Horuss asked, wanting desperately to be in on whatever was going on.
            “That he loooooves me,” Meulin grinned.
            “Man,” Horuss muttered. What he wouldn’t gie for that kind of reciprocated affection. “You two are so lucky that you can just say that and not worry about it.” Horuss paused, trying to suppress his feelings; to not give away too much about how he was struggling with his own relationship. But he failed to keep himself contained. “D’you know what it’s like to be so utterly infatuated with someone and not be able to say anything about it? Because. I’m definitely in love with Rufioh. And I don’t think he loves me.”
            “Whaaaat?”
            “Yeah. And…” Horuss paused again. It wasn’t just an emotional connection he was craving, either. He wanted a physical one, too. He’d never been with anyone in that way, but he knew Rufioh had, so why didn’t Rufioh want to initiate that sort of thing in their relationship?
            “And what?” Meulin asked. Horuss felt his cheeks flush in embarrassment. This was such an odd topic to broach, even with his best friend. But he didn’t know who else to turn to for advice on that particular subject.
            “Meulin, you’re my best friend, can I ask you something personal?”
            “Uhm… I guess!”
            Horuss was suddenly very aware that Kurloz was there, and he, unlike Meulin, was not deaf. And even though Horuss was friends with both of them, Kurloz could be just the slightest bit intimidating. So Horuss hesitated for a moment as he asked his next question.
            “When did you two start… being physical? Was it after you said ‘I love you’ for the first time?”
            “Yeah! I think love is an important part of sex, at least for the first time,” Meulin said, sounding quite sure of himself. Horuss looked down
            “Oh, fiddlesticks… I suppose there are some things I should talk to Rufioh about,” he muttered, reaching for his phone. Meulin put her hand over his.
            “Okay, but don’t worry about that right now; we’re gonna watch some movies.” Horuss nodded, but shortly after Kurloz put the second movie on, Hruss could no longer stand being the third wheel, so he gave his goodbyes and left. Once back home, he sank into his own thoughts. It much have been his own fault that the relationship was failing. He couldn’t even bring himself to discuss it with Rufioh until the following morning.

cavalierTechnophilia [CT] began pestering amiableTorchbearer [AT]

CT: Rufioh?
CT: I am aware you were watching your brother and his friends last night
CT: And may be a bit tired
CT: But there was something that I would really like to speak with you about.

             Horuss waited for what felt like ages, but Rufioh didn’t answer.

 CT: Perhaps Pesterchum is not the best way to reach you.
AT: oh, no, sorry doll
AT: i was just talking to tav
CT: Oh.
CT: Well, that being the case…
CT: Er…
AT: what’s up?
CT: I just missed you last night.
CT: I had been hoping we would spend Halloween together.
AT: sorry
CT: Ah, no, it’s okay, Rufioh.
CT: I just…
AT: what did you want to talk about?
CT: I…
CT: Maybe it would be better to talk in person.
AT: i can’t, mom and dad are still gone
AT: i have to keep an eye on tavros
CT: Oh.
CT: I just thought
CT: Maybe we could spend a day together.
AT: er
AT: yeah maybe when my parents get home
CT: Hmm.
AT: so…
AT: what was it you wanted to talk about?
CT: Well, you see, I was with Meulin and Kurloz last night.
AT: that’s what i figured
CT: And they were talking about… physicality.

            Not entirely true, but it was way easier to broach the subject, rather than telling Rufioh it was him who had brought it up; him that was curious.

 AT: right…
CT: And I…um
CT: Well, I was thinking that,
CT: We’ve been together for a few months,
CT: And I do love you, Rufioh, I truly do.
CT: I know it seems foalish.
CT: Ah—foolish!
CT: To say that, as we are so young.
CT: But it’s true, and I thought that maybe,
CT: That is to say,
CT: I was hoping you would be my first.

             There. He’d said it. He’d put it out there. Once again, Horuss’ message was met with a very long pause, one that made him doubt that bringing it up at all had been a good idea in the first place. And then, finally, Rufioh answered.

 AT: er
AT: yeah…
AT: i think maybe we DO need to talk in person
CT: Oh?
AT: just…
AT: i’ll figure out when i can
CT: Um.
CT: Alright.
AT: sorry

 amiableTorchbearer [AT] ceased pestering cavalierTechnophilia [CT]

             Horuss blinked at his screen. That certainly wasn’t the response he’d been hoping for. But, then again, Rufioh had agreed to at least talk about it. Yeah. That was good, right? So, Horuss smiled, once again forcing himself into naïve optimism.

Chapter Text

             Equius couldn’t help but be hyper-aware of how sweaty his hands were. He couldn’t imagine it was very pleasant for Aradia, either, but he couldn’t exactly help himself, either. She just made him so nervous, even after a few dates. He wasn’t wholly convinced she was exactly happy when they were together, but she said yes and kept showing up, so that had to mean something. He’d never formally asked her, but it seemed like they were boyfriend and girlfriend. The last remaining detail was getting his father’s approval. With his (incredibly sweaty) hand on top of Aradia’s, and a pink tinge spreading across his face, the more the idea of broaching the subject was making him nervous. Aradia was the one to break the tension.
             “Equius?” she asked quietly. Equius looked sharply up at her, feeling beads of sweat dripping down his forehead. He had to say something. “I… would like you to have dinner at my home to meet my father and brother.” He paused for a moment, then spoke again. “I have informed Miss Peixes that we will be late in attending her holiday party due to this arrangement.” Perhaps it was too much to tell Feferi before confirming the dinner, but his father was growing impatient. It had to be now. “Is that okay?” Aradia was quiet; silent. Equius clutched her hand between his. Seconds went by. Tick. Tick. Tick. And then Aradia finally answered.
             “Yes. I’m okay with it.”
            

              The day arrived, and Equius, again with a massive amount of nervous energy coursing through him, set off for Aradia’s house with Aurthour behind the wheel. He’d gone so far as to find a single beautiful flower for Aradia, something simple that she would appreciate. Bouquets struck him as being too ostentatious for this particular occasion. So he went up to the door, clutching one sad flower in his hands, and knocked. But Aradia was not the one who answered the door. It was her father, Daniel Droog. He was a tall, slender man--not taller than Equius, but still foreboding--who was most well-known for running with The Midnight Crew before turning over a new leaf. Of course, things only changed because the crew got caught. Not convicted, but it was enough to make Daniel quit his life of crime, and despite the fact that Droog wasn’t the leader (in title, anyway), it was enough to make the others disband. This was such an important piece of Skaia history that his father made sure Equius knew about it. What he hadn’t put together was that Daniel Droog, notorious mobster, and Mr. Droog, Aradia’s father, were the same person.
              “H-hello, Mr. Droog,” he stammered. Aradia appeared behind Mr. Droog, and Equius sort of awkwardly thrust the flower out at her.
              “Oh, thanks,” she murmured. “I’ll go put this in some water.” And then Aradia scurried off, leaving Equius face to face with her father again. Daniel immediately sized him up.
             "So, Mister Zahhak, what exactly are your intentions with my daughter?”
             Equius was honestly confused for a moment. “I… I’m not quite sure I know what you mean. I have no intentions to harm Miss Droog, and I would never disrespect her in any way,”He said, and then quickly added, “uh. Sir.”
             “Where you two headed tonight?”
             “I have, er, asked her to attend dinner at my home to meet my father and brother, and then she and I will be joining the rest of our friends at Miss Peixes’ house for her annual holiday party.”
             Then Daniel leaned in really close, making sure to invade Equius’ personal space, and Equius couldn’t help but feel threatened, which he supposed was the point. "Her story had better match yours exactly, or it’ll be your head.”
            “Dad!” Equius looked up again and saw Aradia re-entering the room. She walked up, murmured something in her father’s ear, then pulled Equius by the hand out the front door. They went out to the car, where Aurthour had been waiting for them. “Sorry about him,” Aradia muttered. Equius glanced over at her, just looking at how beautiful she really was.
            “Hmm?”
             “My dad. He’s...overbearing.”
             “Oh,” he muttered, opening the door for her. He helped her into the backseat, then she slid across and he climbed in after her. “Aurthour, home,” he commanded, and then they were off. She was still holding his hand, but a silence settled between the two of them. Equius could feel the tension. Even when they arrived at the Zahhak home, Aradia seemed a bit overwhelmed, and it was making Equius anxious. But the mood shifted a bit when Aradia began perusing the framed pictures on the entry-way table. Equius always thought they looked so staged and serious. There were no candids, nothing that indicated they ever had fun together as a family, and Equius was beginning to realize that the way his family worked wasn’t exactly normal. Aradia picked up one of the photos.
             “I didn’t know you played hockey, Equius,” Aradia muttered. Equius glanced over at her.
             “Yes, I lost a few teeth to the game,” he muttered back, suddenly feeling a bit forlorn. “However, I much prefer dancing. Hockey was taken up to satiate my father.”
             Aradia glanced up at him, setting the picture down quietly. He wanted to smile at her, but… that house always felt so solemn.

             They were summoned to dinner before too long, Equius and Aradia both sitting across from Darius and Horuss. Equius could tell solely from his father’s glare that he wasn’t at all happy with the situation. Conversation was kept to a bare minimum, hardly getting past small talk.  Even Equius was relieved once it was over. Aradia stood up once the plates were cleaned, her muscles stiffening.
            “It was a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Zahhak; Horuss,” she said. Equius’ eyes met his father’s for a moment, and Equius could just read it in his face. At least she’s well-behaved. Equius broke eye contact and glanced at his watch.
             “Perfect timing,” he said, eager to get Aradia away from his father’s judgemental presence. “Aurthour, please get the car ready.”
             This time in the car, Aradia didn’t even hold Equius’ hand, which he found a bit discouraging. He found himself looking out the window, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.
             “Equius? Why do you keep wearing those broken old things?”
             Equius faltered for a moment. His glasses…
             “Ah… sentimentality, I suppose.”
             “But…” Aradia furrowed her brow, “isn’t it hard to see through the cracks?”
             “I...don’t actually need them to see. The cracks are aesthetic.”
             “I’m not sure I get it,” Aradia muttered. Equius sighed. It had been a long time since he told the story.
             “My brother and I are very intrigued by robotics and technology of that nature. When I was younger, I wore glasses very similar to these, though without the cracks. One day Horuss and I were working on adapting the motor of a motorized scooter to see if we could make it hover. A sprocket was loose, however, and hit me square in the face, shattering my glasses completely. I no longer need glasses out of necessity; my father bought me prescription contacts some time ago. I did find these at a joke shop not too long ago, and I wear them to show my brother that even if we are not particularly close anymore, I do value the time we spent together when we were younger.”
             “Oh,” Aradia murmured. Truth be told, Equius missed spending time with Horuss. They had both become so occupied with their own lives.

             The Peixes house was ostentatious, even by Equius’ standards. Of course it was; they were obscenely wealthy. Equius approached the door with Aradia, only to find a sign hastily taped to the outside. It read ‘Come on in!’, but still Equius reached out and knocked. Aradia tutted at him.
             “Equius, just open the door.”
             “But… that would be rude. I was told to always mind my manners, and that includes waiting for your host to open the door.” Aradia shook her head at him and went inside. Equius hesitated, but still followed her inside. Aradia was immediately greeted by Feferi, but before Equius could join in on their conversation, he heard a different voice.
             “Equiuuussss!” Nepeta came running down the hall. She grabbed onto his arm and started pulling him down the hall arm and started pulling him down the hall in a move that seemed excessive, even for her.
             “Er-- Nepeta…!” He blinked at her, startled, then turned back to Aradia and Feferi. “Ah, my apologies. I’ll be back shortly.” Then he and Nepeta went down the hall.
             “We have a lot of talking to do, mister,” Nepeta said, tugging Equius into an empty room. “Soooo?? How did Aradia meeting your dad go?” Equius had to ponder it for a moment; the whole night had honestly been so odd.
            “I am… not entirely sure, to be honest. Aradia seems quiet. A bit morose, really. She asked me about my glasses.”
             “Oh. Hmm. Yeah, I guess those do seem a bit silly without explanation. Maybe she’s going through some stuff at home? I don’t know, Equius, just make sure she knows you’re there for her.” Equius felt his face redden a bit.
             “Yes, of course,” he muttered, then abruptly changed the subject. “How did things go with you? Have you and Mister Vantas made amends?”
             “Yeah, he apologized for losing his temper with me. I think… things will be less awkward now?”
             “That’s good,” he said, and he genuinely meant it. He thought it was for the best that Karkat wasn’t interested in Nepeta. If they ever did get together and break up, he had a feeling it would be even messier than things had already gotten. Equius spent a while longer talking to Nepeta before suggesting that they rejoin the party. Equius found a spot near Vriska and Tavros, Nepeta seeming to have disappeared behind him. Aradia found a seat next to Equius as well.
             “Hi, Equius,” Tavros said, offering a shy wave.
             “Hello, Tavros,” Equius murmured back. He’d always wondered, since repairing Vriska’s arm, if he would be able to help Tavros, too. He knew how amazing it would be for Tavros to be able to walk again. Equius caught a glance of Tavros’ expression, and realized that perhaps focusing so much on his legs might be construed as rude. “Er, forgive me. I was merely thinking about my latest robotics project,” he explained. With all the drama around Aradia, Equius had let his robotics projects fall by the wayside, but he had been toying with something over the summer. “You see, I have been designing a new kind of prosthetic leg.” Vriska glared up at him.
             “You trying to get Tavros out of his crummy-ass wheelchair, Zahhak?” she said, through a mouthful of food. God, her behavior could just be so reprehensible.
             “Please, Vriska, mind your manners.”
             “Don’t think you can tell me what to do!” Equius paused for a second, and then looked back at Tavros.
            “I could design and build a pair specifically to fit you, if you’d like.”
             “Thanks, Equius, but prosthetics won’t help me. It’s not my legs that are the problem, it’s the spinal damage.”
             “But see, that’s why I’m designing a new kind of prosthetic. It’s meant to connect to the nervous system, though I haven’t quite perfected it. Your nerves are like your body’s wiring,” Equius explained, excited to discuss his theory, “so I am making a way to connect your wiring to the legs’ wiring at the spine, whereas most prosthetics connect at a joint.”
             “You should go for it, Tavros,” Vriska added. “Maybe you won’t be so useless then.” Equius rolled his eyes at Vriska’s remark.
             “Sorry, Equius,” Tavros said. “I’m just not sure I’m comfortable with that.” Equius grunted a response, just as Tavros found an excuse to leave the room. Equius departed the room not much later as well, on a quest to find a restroom in Fefer’s maze of a house. When he returned, Aradia was in even more of a funk than before. It seemed like something had happened in his absence, but of course, Equius had no way to be sure. He had Aurthour take her home first, even walking her up to the door to ensure Daniel saw him as being a thoughtful young man, and as he said goodbye, Equius leaned in to kiss her once more, but Aradia turned away, letting Equius’ lips meet her cheek instead of her lips. It was still soft, still gentle and kind, but Equius couldn’t help but taste such bitterness from the kiss.

Chapter Text

             Even Christmas was stoic in the Zahhaks’ home. It was truly as though their father didn’t understand how to show any semblance of kindness, and Equius began to realize this even more so as they stood in Mrs. Zahhak’s hospital room, attempting to have a regular family conversation, and at the doctor’s appearance, Darius left the room. Equius knew it was rude to eavesdrop, but he was curious about what was happening with his mother. Horuss stayed by his mother’s side, muttering to her about his relationship, but Equius lingered near the doorway, listening in on his father’s conversation with the doctor.
            “....still sustainable, but I don’t believe she’ll wake up any time soon.”
             “Still sustainable? I…” Equius heard his father sigh. “Our insurance will no longer be covering this amount of life support, and…”
            “I understand the situation, but surely a man of your status--”
             “Don’t make assumptions about my position, Roberts. The fact is that careers in education, even those with higher power, are not given a sufficient salary, and I refuse to withdraw from my sons’ college savings. Their future, and the future of the Zahhak name is of the utmost importance to me.”
             “So, would you like to continue keeping her on life support?”
             “I!” Darius raised his voice, and then immediately lowered it again. “I don’t know at the moment. Let me… be with her.” Equius shifted away from the door. Another moment passed before Darius entered the room. Equius twiddled his thumbs, trying to look nonchalant. Darius stepped towards his wife, putting a hand on Horuss’ shoulder. “How is she, son?”
             Horuss had one of her hands clasped in his. “I was just… telling her about Rufioh.” Darius grunted in response.
“Would you like to talk to her, Equius?”
             Equius nodded and switched places with Horuss. It had been a while since they visited her. “Hello, mother. Uh, there’s a girl now. Actually, there’s been a girl. Since the beginning of the school year. Well, I’ve known her for a long time. Aradia Droog. But I’ve actually spoken with her. We danced at Homecoming, and I asked her on a date while we were at a Halloween party. Father…” Equius glanced back over his shoulder for a moment, considering his words carefully. “Father is reluctant. But I quite care for her. In fact I’ve come to consider her my girlfriend. You’d love her, mother. She’s kind and funny and smart and pretty…” Equius became aware of his father’s glare in the back of his head, and immediately changed the subject. “School has been going well. Studies are as they have been; I still am ‘exceeding expectations’ in math and science. The teachers hardly challenge me. I miss you.”
             Darius put a hand on Equius’ shoulder and began guiding him away. Equius looked back at his mother morosely. He couldn’t imagine this room empty. Even though she was on life support, it was difficult to picture life without her; with her being truly gone. And the fact that his father was discussing that option, with little to no remorse, and without even bothering to consult with the boys about how they might feel about the situation felt callous, and truly heartless. What kind of person was Equius’ father, at the core of everything?

             Equius knew he had to get his mind off of things, and he knew exactly who to talk to that could give him a renewed sense of levity. 

centaursTesticle [CT] began pestering arsenicCatnip [AC]

CT: Merry Christmas, Nepeta.
CT: I trust you are enjoying your morning.
AC: oh hey!!
AC: yes i am, it has been great so far
AC: mom got us a new kitten :3
CT: Ah, I see.
CT: Have you come up with a name for it?
AC: her name is…
AC: PUMA THURMAN
CT: A pun.
AC: durrrr of course :P
AC: i cant take credit for it though
AC: karkat came up with that one
CT: I see.
AC: are you alright, equius?
AC: you seem even more…
AC: hmm
AC: youre even less talkative than usual
CT: Er, yes.
CT: Christmas can be a tense time around here.

             And then, not wanting to burden Nepeta with the sad details of his morning, particularly the information he wasn’t meant to be privy to, he chose to bring up different concerns he was having.

CT: And, moreso than that, I am concerned about my current relationship.
CT: Aradia seems distant.
AC: Hmmmmmmmm
CT: That is a very long ‘hmm’.
AC: yes, i am thinking
AC: HMMMMMMMMMMMMM
AC: i really dont know, equius!
AC: make sure she knows you can be affectionate
CT: What do you mean?
AC: well you come off as really stoic and super serious all the time!!
AC: try to be cute
AC: like me :3
AC: do you even have any cute nicknames for her?
CT: Er…
CT: No.
AC: come onnnnn, thats like boyfriend 101
AC: also i need to come up with a ship name for you two
AC: cant believe i havent done that yet
CT: Nepeta, please, focus.
CT: Do you really think pet names will help?
AC: iiiiiiiii thiiiiiiiiiiiink
AC: it will show youre trying
CT: Okay.
CT: Then I will try that.
AC: good luck equius!
AC: and merry christmas!
centaursTesticle [CT] has ceased pestering arsenicCatnip [AC]

             Equius slumped on the couch as the chat window closed. Not only was that not truly the issue on his mind, Equius wasn’t even sure that Nepeta’s advice would work. Then again, she did typically know more about relationships than he did. And the Aradia thing would be a lot easier to worry about than the mom thing. If he was going to lose one, he’d rather not lose both, and since it seemed like there was no convincing his father against pulling the plug, that left one option, and one other person to call. Equius grit his teeth and pushed through most of the day, trying to make the most of the Christmas his father wanted, until after dinner. And then, it was time to call in a favor.

            “What do you waaaaaaaant?” Vriska drawled from the other line.
             “I need some help with Aradia, she’s… I don’t know. She’s pulling away from me.”
             “What—”
             “You’re the one who got us together, you have to help.”
             “No, I don’t care.”
             “Vriska, please. I don’t understand how this works. I am not asking you because you owe me, I am asking as a friend.”
             “I know, but I can’t force her to…”
             “I have never dated anyone before,” Equius muttered, realizing how desperate this sounded.
            “Shut up!” Vriska finally snapped at him. “Listen, Zahhak, I held up my end of the deal and rigged the game. I got you in the closet.”
             “But it’s not working with me and her.”
             “Well that’s not my problem! You deal with your own freaky relationship; I can’t force Droog to have feelings for you! She hardly has feelings about anything anymore.”
             “Well… how can I fix things?”
             “Figure it out! I made a promise and I fulfilled that promise. Not my business anymore.” And then Vriska abruptly hung up, leaving Equius with even less hope than before.

Chapter Text

             New Year’s brought yet another obligatory social event, and with everything that was swirling around in Equius’ head, he wasn’t exactly in the mood for a party, but found himself at one anyway. The only solace he found was that Aradia would be in attendance as well, and even a distraction from Nepeta would not pull that comfort from his mind. At least Equius didn’t have to worry about splitting his time between her and Nepeta. Even so, he did feel a bit guilty, a bit self-centered for making things about his relationship woes once more. In the midst of their conversation, the entire party was brought screeching to a halt by, surprisingly, an incredibly drunk Tavros.
             “Waht’re you doin’?”
             “I was gonna kiss you at midnight, you drunk fool.” Somehow Equius was not surprised that Vriska was at the middle of this. She was always somehow involved in the drama that went on in the group.
             “Ahah!” Tavros laughed back at her. “I, uh, no. Nnno. You don’ wanna kis meee, you! Jus’ wanna make… John… jealous. An anyway! I don’ think I wannaaa kiss you, anymore. You’re uhhhh, a mean. Person. You are mean to me. I don’ like it. And if I haaaad to geuss, I don’ think that, uh, mister John likes it very much, either. I know… most of us? Don’t like it either. And uh, that’s just. Sad. Vriskers. That most of us don’t really like you? You’re… too mean, eheheh.” Vriska looked around the room, and then fled. That was honestly the most eventful thing that happened at the New Year’s party. Mostly everyone was already paired off for their midnight kisses, and Equius couldn’t help but be embarrassed that his girlfriend was not there. Her growing distance and now her complete absence was beginning to wear on him, and he certainly wanted to know what was going on with her. He’d been hoping she would show up so they could talk about things, but she was being aloof.

             The streak of silence broke the day after the party.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began pestering centaursTesticle [CT]

AA: equius
AA: lets do something fun today
AA: lets go to the archery range
CT: Ah
CT: Yes, that would be quite enjoyable
CT: But may I ask… why this sudden suggestion?
CT: I have not seen you in some time
CT: I was beginning to worry you had lost interest in me
AA: just been busy
CT: I see
CT: Very well then
CT: But I was not under the impression you were interested in archery
AA: not particularly
AA: i just want to break something
AA: makes me feel better
CT: Er…
CT: So be it
CT: Shall I have Aurthour pick you up?
AA: naturally
AA: the afternoon wouldnt be complete without aurthour
CT: Then I will see you shortly.

apocalypseArisen [AA] has ceased pestering centaursTesticle [CT]

             That was odd. Not unwelcome, just...odd. Still, without hesitation, Equius got some of his nicer clothes on, gathered his belongings, and told Aurthour where he was headed. The whole ordeal left him at Aradia’s house about 20 minutes after their conversation ended. He made sure to be a gentleman and open the door for her, only clambering into the car after Aradia was buckled in. It was quiet, for a while.
             “Hey Equius, can I ask you something?”
             Equius faltered for a moment, then thought back to Nepeta’s advice. She told him to use pet names, call her something sweet, so he decided; why not try it? It wasn’t as if he had anything left to lose. “Of course, er… darling,” he managed to get out. Aradia stifled a cough and looked wildly at him. That… that didn’t go the way he anticipated. Still, it seemed to pass without being too odd. Aradia continued with her question.
          “What happened to your mom?"
            Then it was Equius’ turn to be caught off-guard. He let out a small sigh, then cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. “Much like your mother, she got sick. A couple years ago, now.” And then the mood shifted.
             “Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.”
             “Likewise. I haven’t seen my mother in quite some time, but it cannot compare to what you must have gone through.” Actually, he’d seen her on Christmas, but holidays were special occasions. Visits otherwise were far and few between. Despite that, it was a comfort to know she was at least still alive.
             “Wait...seen her? I thought…” And suddenly Equius realized the terrible faux pas he’d made. He’d implied that Equius and Aradia were one in the same; mothers dying while at a tragically young age.
             “Ah! No, that isn’t to say...my mom did not die. She was cared for out of our home for a time, but her illnesses have made her very weak and she’s been essentially living in a hospital for nearly two years. My father refuses to accept this… but enough about that.” It was all a lot of emotional duress for Equius. He wanted his mother alive, and the idea of his father ending things now was very upsetting, but at the same time, she had barely been around for so long already that continuing to pretend seemed foolish. Aradia didn’t ask any more questions for the rest of the car ride, and Equius didn’t try to force her to. They rode in silence. Had Equius divulged too much of his personal life to her? Possibly, but at the same time, wasn’t that what you were supposed to do in relationships? He still wasn’t sure what to make of it all.

             They arrived at the archery range, and Equius tried to continue being a gentleman by opening the door for her and letting her out of the car. She barely even offered him a glance before strutting off to the range. Equius couldn’t help but stare after her as she seamlessly grabbed a bow, knocked an arrow, and hit the target, all with absolutely no regard for the instructor. A chill ran down his spine. Now THAT was attractive. He raced up behind her, where she was already being admonished by the instructor.  “...assume this isn’t your first time but you can’t just go breaking protocol like that. There is some safety stuff that I am legally required to tell you. First of all… well, there’s only two of you, so you can both shoot at the same time, but wait until everyone’s done before going to collect your arrows. When you…”
             He went on explaining the rules, but Equius already knew enough about archery safety. Once the explanation was finished, Equius and Aradia both raised their bows, almost in tandem, but where Aradia fired her arrow successfully, Equius pulled too hard and snapped his bow in half, and he’d be ashamed to admit this was not the first time such a thing had happened. Equius looked up at Aradia, who was giggling a bit, and the instructor, who simply looked shocked, and blush spilled across his face.
             “...I can pay for that, sir…” This was met with the instructor simply shaking his head at them, and then retreating into the office. Before Equius could really process it, Aradia’s hands were on his, their fingers intertwined.
             “That’s okay, Equius, we can share a bow.”
             “I… er…” Equius could tell that he was sweating profusely, but tried not to let it bother him. This was the closest he’d ever been to someone, physically, and it was taking way too much thought for him to not have a downstairs problem. That would be far too profane.
             “Don’t pull so hard. Relax, Equius,” Aradia purred. Equius turned on his heel, facing her. 
             “You’re…making me a bit nervous…” Equius admitted.
             “What could you possibly have to be nervous about, Equius?” Aradia’s cooing, calm voice was slowly turning harsh. “Could it be that… hmmm… you worked with Vriska to cheat at Seven Minutes, and have been manipulating my emotions through this entire relationship?!” And then everything shifted. Aradia’s hands were balled in Equius’ shirt collar, and with all the strength she could muster, she began shoving him around. It was only enough to make Equius stumble, but the anger behind it was so startling that he couldn’t help but be taken off guard. Aradia turned away from him, arms crossed, with an angry huff.
             “I...er,” Equius stammered. He moved closer to her, and while it took a moment before she said anything more, he could tell she was crying.
             “How could you possibly think that was acceptable? How could you think that’s a good way to get a girl to like you? That’s not how to show you care, why couldn’t you have just talked to me?!” And that was when it was finally, painfully obvious. Equius fucked up.
             “In all honesty, you make me nervous. I have never...been so intrigued by someone.”
             “So you talk to me! You don’t lie to me!”
             “I intended to. My intention was to ask you to Homecoming, but I got nervous, and Captor beat me to it...and my, er, helpful neighbor offered her hand. I didn’t want to…” That wasn’t true, he went seeking out Vriska’s help. “I didn’t want it to be like this,” he said. That wasn’t a lie, he wanted things to go differently. It definitely hadn’t gone the way he anticipated. Then, Aradia spun back around to face him again, her hands in angry fists and tear streams running down her cheeks.
             “I could have... been with someone who actually cared, Equius. And now he has someone else.”
Equius took one more step, closing the distance between them. “I do care…” How could she think he plain just didn’t care? Of course he cared. Would he have gone to all this trouble if he didn’t care? And then, out of nowhere, she slapped him. Hard.
             “DON’T. LIE. TO. ME!” she yelled, punctuating every word with another smack across his cheek. And then, just as oddly and suddenly as anything else that had happened that day, she pulled him in close and planted a long, angry kiss on his lips, before shoving him away once more. That time, Equius actually did fall. “Take me home,” Aradia muttered. So he did.

             That was it. It was over. She hadn’t explicitly broken up with him, but she may as well have. This put Equius into a more severe funk than he’d been in before. It took a few days of thinking about things and processing before he could even bring himself to admit it even to Nepeta.

centaursTesticle [CT] began pestering arsenicCatnip [AC]

CT: Nepeta
CT: I have some unfortunate news
AC: oh??
AC: what is it equius?
CT: Aradia…
CT: Broke up with me
AC: oh no!!
AC: are you okay?
CT: I don’t know.
CT: I’ve never felt like this before.
CT: It is like…
CT: My heart is crying.
CT: I don’t really know how to explain it.
AC: aww
AC: do you want me to come over?
CT: Could you?
AC: of course!
AC: you know im always here for emotional support
AC: what kind of friend would i be if i didnt come console you right now??
AC: not a very good one in my opinion
AC: so i will be right over!

arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased pestering centaursTesticle [CT]

             It was a brief exchange, but still quite a helpful one. Equius tried to forget about it all by working on some of his robotics. He was in the garage when Nepeta arrived, and he assumed Aurthour would just let her in and tell her where he was at, which Aurthour did. Equius could always count on Aurthour. He was welding when Nepeta appeared in the doorway, so he finished what he was doing and took the mask off before she entered the garage.
             “Hello, Nepeta," he greeted her as she gave him a tight hug.
             “Hi Equius,” she said. She said on the workbench and patted the seat beside her, so Equius followed her lead and took a seat. “So… what happened?”
             “It was odd. She asked me to go to the archery range with her, to which I said yes, of course, and we did have an interesting conversation in the car.”
             “Oh? About what?”
             “She asked about my mother.”
             “Oh.” Nepeta was quiet; he knew that she knew that he didn’t bring it up very often.
             “I even took your advice, and called her ‘darling’. Everything seemed fine, until we arrived at the range. I broke a bow, and she insisted that we share one. Being in such close proximity made me nervous… I… blast, where is my towel?” Equius paused for a moment, dabbing the sweat off of his forehead. “And then, she just started yelling at me, yelling and crying and telling me I didn’t actually care about her. And upon insisting that I do care, she began slapping me! But then she kissed me. It was… it was anger. I don’t know. She made it clear she doesn’t want to see me anymore, but I…”
             “Wow, that sounds really weird. I’ve never thought of Aradia as the angry type. Maybe she’s confused too!” Guilt washed through him for a moment.
             "She has good reason to be angry."
             “Hmm?”
             "I have not been completely honest about how things came to be between me and her. You see, I was well aware of Vriska planning that game on Halloween. In fact, it was because of me that it was arranged at all.”
             Nepeta’s gaze narrowed at him. “What do you mean?”
             “I was… embarrassed to even be developing these feelings for Aradia. Her family… they are just so… low. I couldn’t bring myself to ask her on a date in a traditional manner, I am not sure why I had such nerves around her. And Vriska was aware of my feelings, and she offered to help. The game was rigged from the very beginning. And once Aradia and I were alone, I was able to ask her out. Perhaps it was the seclusion; perhaps it was the darkness, but I kissed her while we were in the closet, and I asked her on a date, as you know. I suppose she found out about my tactless manipulation, and this is why she grew so angry with me.”
             Nepeta scowled at Equius and smacked him a couple times in the shoulder. “You big stupid dummy!! How could you do that?”
             “Ah, I know! It was incredibly foolish of me.” “Foolish? Equius, you lied to her!”
             “I know, I know. Words cannot summate my guilt in regards to the entire debacle. I just… didn’t know what else to do. I panicked, and I didn’t know how to come clean about it.” 
             “Hmm…It’ll be okay, Equius. Sure, it doesn’t feel good right now, but you’ll be fine in the end.”
             “What made you feel better?” he asked, of course referring to Karkat’s outburst at her.
             “Meulin took me to get some ice cream.”
             “Ice cream does not seem like it will fix things.”
             “It won’t. It’s just nice in the moment. Only time will fix things.” Equius didn’t know what to say to that; he just grunted at her.
             “Do you think I could get Aradia back? Maybe… maybe she could give me a second chance.”
             Nepeta hesitated for a moment, and then shook her head. “You weren’t honest with her. And I’m pretty sure she has a crush on Sollux…” Equius grunted again, and Nepeta sighed. “Do you want to go get some ice cream, Equius?”
             “Yes, please.”

Chapter Text

             After breaking up with-- or rather, being dumped by-- Aradia, Equius took a lot of time to himself. It was a waste of time trying to get involved in someone romantically. He threw himself back into his robotics projects, one of the only hobbies that was actually his that his father actually approved of. His friendship was solely reserved for Nepeta. It seemed like he truly was an outcast, even amongst his circle, so he chose not to worry too much about it. Even when school started, he was very quiet during lunches and in classes. It didn’t help the tension of the group that Aradia and Vriska got into a fistfight on the first day back from winter break. And then Aradia was suspended, and then sent to a different school. Her absence didn’t go unnoticed, either, but it was easier for Equius to deal with the loss of their relationship without having to see her all the time too. Nepeta was feeling far less forlorn about things romantically, though. She came bounding up to him at PE, after they had changed out.
             “Equius!!! Guess what!!!”
             “Oh, what is it?”
             “A boy… has a crush on me!”
             “Well that certainly is… news.” Equius wasn’t sure how to handle that. It only made his emotional wounds sting even more. It also made Equius worry that whoever this boy was, he might hurt her. It was certainly better than her having that terrible crush on Karkat.   

Throwing himself into his robotics projects did make Equius think back to his conversation with Tavros about prosthetics. As soon as Equius pulled the blueprints back out to build a prototype, his Pesterchum went off.

adiosToreador [AT] began pestering centaursTesticle [CT]

AT: heyyyy equius
AT: wow i just remembered how off-putting your screen name is to me
AT: sorry
AT: um, anyway, i was wondering
AT: if you had the design or prototype of your prosthetics?
AT: i think i’d like to give it a shot
CT: Ah, yes, of course.
CT: I can lend you my prototype, if you would like to speak to a doctor about it.
AT: okay, cool
AT: thanks
CT: Tavros, there is no guarantee my methods will work.
CT: Furthermore, experimentation like this can be dangerous and painful.
CT: However, if my calculations are correct, you should be able to walk again.
AT: um, alright
AT: thanks, equius
AT: i actually have a checkup this weekend so the timing is really good
CT: Ah, if you would like me to, I can send the design and prototype directly to them; if you’d be so kind as to give me their information
AT: alright, cool, i’ll get that and give it to you at school
CT: I know we do not speak much, Tavros, but I appreciate the opportunity to help when I can
CT: Thank you
AT: nnno, no, thank you

adiosToreador [AT] has ceased pestering centaursTesticle [CT]

             And even though he was going to do it anyway, it was nice knowing Tavros asked him for help; that he was of some use to his friends. It gave him even more reason to pour himself into his work. In truth, all it really amounted to was Equius feeling even further distanced from his friends. But there was just a smidge of solace in knowing that Horuss was facing a very similar struggle. There was just something about Zahhaks that included a difficulty with socialization. So the two of them bunkered down in their garage, working on their separate projects in relative silence most of the time. Horuss was the one who brought up conversation to Equius suddenly one afternoon.
             “What happened with Aradia?” he asked. Equius nearly dropped the tool he was working with. It had been several weeks, almost months, since that whole debacle, and here Horuss was, bringing it up out of the blue.
             “She…uh. She broke up with me. Quite some time ago, actually.”
             “Oh. That’s a shame,” Horuss muttered. Equius went back to his work for a moment, pondering why such a thing would have come into his brother’s mind. It was only another short moment before Horuss inadvertently answered his question. “I think Rufioh is going to break up with me as well.” Equius quirked an eyebrow upwards at his brother’s comment.
             “Why would he do that? I thought you two were really good together.”
             “I…” Horuss’ voice trailed. “I never quite told you the truth about that.”
             “And what might that be?” Equius answered, growing a bit impatient with the lack of detail Horuss was providing. Horuss took a deep breath and a long pause and then spoke again. “When Horuss and I first got together, he was already dating someone. He cheated on her with me, and I was so happy to even have him it didn’t bother me, even though it probably should have. He was pulling away from her and wanted to move on. But now I can feel him pulling away from me as well. I fear he will either cheat on me or break up with me, and every time I go to Meulin seeking advice, she simply tells me it takes too much energy to be sad and mad, so I should be happy; I should smile.” As he explained, Horuss set his work down and walked to Equius’ work station, sitting silently at the bench.
             “I don’t… find that to be great advice,” Equius muttered. How was he meant to process that piece of information? “I can’t say I have experience with that particular dilemma, but, uh…”
             “I don’t really expect you to have an answer, Equius,” Horuss muttered. “I just needed to talk about it, I suppose.”
             “Well,” Equius hesitated for just a moment, and then gently placed his hand on his brother’s back. “I may not have advice, but I do have sympathy.” Horuss glanced backwards at Equius, a small, grateful smile on his face.
             “Thank you, brother. I suppose we Zahhaks should stick together.”

Chapter Text

             “Boys,” Darius suddenly said over dinner, his always-stern voice commanding both Equius’ and Horuss’ attention, “I am being faced with a difficult situation.” Equius glanced at his brother, their eyes meeting for a moment. Their father never discussed his decision-making process, unless it were a matter of life or death. “I loathe to say that it is a matter of life or death. I…”
             “It’s about mother, isn’t it?” Horuss asked, not so much relieving the tension as chopping it in half with a meat cleaver. Darius’ eyes widened, but it wasn’t so much in surprise as it was in anger. He turned sharply to Horuss, who immediately withered at his father’s glare.
             “Don’t be insolent,” Darius hissed.
             “Sorry, Father,” Horuss mumbled, Equius saying it along with him despite not having done or said anything. Darius cleared his throat, taking only just a moment to compose himself after Horuss’ interruption.
             “You are correct…it is in regards to your mother. You see, I cannot continue to—”
             “Father,” Equius started, then catching his glare once more, corrected himself, “I hope you will forgive me for interrupting, but… we know.”
             “Excuse me?”
             “We… or…I…I heard your conversation with the doctor on Christmas. About continuing to pay for Mother’s care.”
             Darius looked bewildered for a moment, and Equius couldn’t decipher exactly what his father was thinking. Was he angry that Equius had spoken out of turn? Was he bitter at how the doctor had spoken to him? Or embarrassed that he couldn’t pay for more medical treatment? Darius ran a hand through his slick hair, then brought it to his face. “Well, then you’re aware. Aware that I cannot continue to fund this indefinitely. Either your mother will wake up in the next week, or I will have to end her life support.”
             Hearing it from his father was so different than hearing it from a doctor. It seemed to punch Equius in the gut. That meant his mother would be… she would really be gone. She had been gone for so long, at least from the house, but it had always been a consolation for Equius that she was at least physically alive, and he could somewhat talk to her, but if they pulled the plug, then… that was truly it.
             “Father, you can’t,” Equius said. “You can’t just end it for her.”
             “Does she not have a right to live? Don’t we have a right to see our mother?” Horuss added.
             “You speak as though I have a choice!” Darius yelled back at them. Both Horuss and Equius physically jumped in their seats. Their father rarely yelled, and every time they heard him raise his voice, it was completely jarring. “I can’t keep this going forever. Your mother…my wife…my love…she has been gone from us for so long. For years. And it is time that we accept it.”
             “Can’t we just have a little more time?” Horuss asked, his voice breaking. “Just a bit.”
             Darius sighed, having let his temper cool. After another silent, tense moment, Darius spoke again. “I… will try to pull some strings. Perhaps I can ask Candace for a favor.”
             Equius sighed, knowing that this would only mean his father would owe Candace Peixes a favor in return, which was never a position he quite enjoyed being in, but whatever the political repercussions were, it was worth not losing his mother. But then on the other hand, wasn’t she already lost?

             Equius’ concern about his father’s connection to the mayor (who, quite frankly was a bit of a dictator but nobody ever seemed to be able to get her out of office) wasn’t quelled, and so he made a point to discuss the matter with Feferi.

centaursTesticle [CT] began pestering cuttlefishCuller [CC]

CT:  Hello, Feferi.
CC: oh!
CC: hi equius!!
CC: what’s up?
CC: not that i don’t enjoy talking to you, but uh…
CC: whale we just don’t talk very often!
CT: Yes…
CT: Well, I just had a question for you.
CC: shoot!
CT: Do you have any knowledge of the connection between our parents?
CT: I am aware that my father and your mother work closely together.
CT: I am just concerned.
CC: oh…
CC: im not shore!
CC: youre right though, they do work together a lot
CC: not really shore what my mom is up to
CC: though i will be honest its probubbly not anyfin good!
CT: Ah, I see.
CT: Well thank you, nonetheless.
CC: let me know if you hear anyfin, because now im curious.
CT: Okay.
CT: Goodbye, Miss Peixes.

centaursTesticle [CT] ceased pestering cuttlefishCuller [CC]

             Well, there went Equius’ only lead on his father’s asking for a favor. He’d always known they were in leagues, and that Feferi’s mom was incredibly powerful. But that conversation brought a new concern to light. If Feferi thought that her mom was plotting something, then she and his dad were bound to be in it together. Did work have something to do with his sudden decision to pull the plug on Mom?

             The question remained unanswered, though Equius and Horuss were given a bit of saving grace the next evening at dinner. Darius cleared his throat.
             “I have managed to get more time,” he said, “for your mother.” Equius’ fork clattered onto his plate, punctuating the sudden silence. “She will stay supported until the end of the school year.”
             “Father, that’s excellent!” Equius said, happiness getting the better of him. “Thank you.” Darius simply raised one hand and Equius knew that his father no longer wished to discuss it. Whether that was actually about the content of the discussion, or Equius dropping his calm demeanor even for a moment, he couldn’t be sure, because just at that moment, Horuss let out a very long sigh.
             “May I be excused please?” Horuss murmured.
             “You’ve barely eaten.”
             “Not hungry,” Horuss said, not bothering to wait for an answer from their father. Instead, he stood up and handed his stacked dishes off to Aurthour. A moment of tense silence between Darius and Equius passed as Equius looked off after his brother. He’d never seen Horuss so forlorn. Perhaps his worry had come to fruition.
             “Uh, yes, I believe I’m finished as well,” Equius said, doing even less to excuse himself from the table, leaving his dishes there and running after Horuss.
             The speed at which Horuss had managed to burrow himself into every blanket on his bed and begin loudly crying was surprising, as Equius hadn’t exactly been far behind him. Equius knew that his brother tended to be far more emotional, despite Meulin telling him to smile more, and him taking it literally, but this was something of a new extreme for even him.
            “Horuss?” The cries paused for a moment, shuddering breaths and sniffling echoing through the room.
            “Equius?”
            “It’s me,” Equius affirmed, knowing it would be disastrous for anyone but himself to find Horuss like this. Their father wasn’t exactly the sensitive type, and certainly didn’t find it acceptable for men to cry. Horuss let out a long, staggered, painful-sounding sigh.
            “He can’t do this.”
            “Horuss, he has to. Please don’t imagine that I am in any way happy about this, but it’s clear to me that her care has become too expensive.”
            “How can you be so callous?” Horuss said, his sadness clearly turning to anger as he stood and stepped towards Equius. Equius opened his mouth to answer, but Horuss simply scoffed at him. “I know why. You barely remember her.”
            “How… I was ten when she got sick. Hardly young enough to forget. And Horuss? How dare you imply I don’t love her as much as you. I am sorry all of this is happening. I am sorry about Rufioh, and now Mom. But don’t you think Father is doing what he can? Moreover, do you think it’s fair to make her live a life plugged into all sorts of machines for our benefit?”
            “I don’t think it’s fair to make her live on a deadline,” Horuss muttered.
            “I think… it’s better that we have more time with her than we thought,” Equius said, trying not to think too hard about his father exchanging favors with Candace Peixes. That thought, in itself, was somewhat terrifying. “We have to make the most of it, Horuss.”
            “How are you so okay with this?”
            “Well… what else am I supposed to do?”

Chapter Text

            Yes, Equius went about his life as normal, trying not to think too hard about that clock counting down to his mother being well and truly gone. Horuss was not handling it nearly as well, going so far as taking meals in his room until he was chewed out by their father. They were both hyper-aware of that invisible countdown clock on their mother’s life. Equius, however, didn’t want to make his friends, namely Nepeta, worry about him, so he tried to keep attention away from his life.
            “It seems like things are going well with that boy you like so much,” Equius observed. Nepeta grinned at him. He had only been marginally aware of Nepeta’s attention shifting away from Karkat and onto this new boy, Oliver.
            “Yeah! We’ve been able to hang out more since the show ended. He’s really sweet.” Equius couldn’t even think of how to respond to that. He was certainly happy for her, but his romantic life and his family life were unraveling. Anything he said would just be saving face.
            “That is good to hear,” he said, even though he wasn’t sure that it was actually how he felt. Nepeta seemed to pick up on his unease and quickly changed the subject.
            “Hey, thanks for coming over to help me out with my homework.”
            “Of course, Nepeta. I have noticed you falling behind.” Though, how Nepeta could ever focus on schoolwork in such a chaotic household was a mystery to him. And spending time with Oliver. Perhaps Equius was a bit frustrated that Nepeta was preoccupied in his hour of need, and he knew that jealousy was selfish, but he couldn’t stop himself from thinking it.
            “Well Mr. Dunlea took my fidget cube in math a few weeks ago because he thought I was goofing off but all he did was make it harder for me to focus!”
            “Are you sure your current infatuation has not…” Equius paused for a moment, thinking over his words. “Are you sure you are not allocating too much time with Oliver, as opposed to your studies?” Nepeta glared at him, and Equius already knew he had crossed a line.
            “Do you think he’s a distraction?”
            “I think… you need to keep your priorities in order,” Equius said. Nepeta hummed at him, and Equius immediately felt embarrassed. What kind of friend was he being? He did want better for Nepeta, but he couldn’t force her to adhere to his standards. All he even knew was that Nepeta and Oliver had been spending time on videochats, and that Nepeta went to his show a few weeks back. Maybe it wasn’t his business to say anything. When the two of them walked into Nepeta’s house, Karkat was already there. He glanced over the couch at them as they began taking all their materials out of their backpacks. The first and most pressing thing, in terms of what Nepeta was struggling with, was math, and it didn’t help that her and and Equius’ phone kept going off, nonstop. One of the struggles of being involved in a group chat that had 14 other people in it.
            “Hey Nepeta, there’s a party for Aradia’s birthday this Friday,” Karkat interjected. Equius frowned a bit. If it was a party for Aradia, he doubted he would be welcome.
            “Oh, is that why Pesterchum’s going nutso right now?” Nepeta asked him.
            “Yeah, do you wanna go?”
            “Sure!”
            A quiet moment passed, Equius feeling quite self-conscious about the whole situation. There was no way Aradia would want to see him there; not after their, quite frankly, brutal departure from each other’s lives. It would be the first time Equius had seen her since, as immediately following that weekend, she got suspended for assaulting Vriska, and then transferred schools. Would she still be angry with him? Should he even care if she was?
            “Equius, you’re on the guest list too,” Karkat said, breaking through the messy thoughts in Equius’ mind.
            “Really?” he asked. “I didn’t think Miss Droog would want me there.”
            “Yeah well Sol is in charge and he said it’s cool, so…” Karkat said, clearly not that invested in relaying the information.
            Equius pondered for a moment. He couldn’t help but worry that his presence would make things awkward and less enjoyable for the rest of his friends. But it was a chance. If he never faced Aradia again, he would simply dread it forever, and it was ultimately unavoidable, considering they did run in the same circles. “Very well then, I will attend.”
            “Can’t you two assholes let him know yourself? Whatever…” Karkat griped. Such language.
            “Hey Equius,” Nepeta asked, “ can we go over some history stuff too?”
            “Of course. Do you have your textbook?”
            “Yeah, but… mm, I don’t actually find the textbook that useful.”
            “Hmm. Well there is always the encyclpaedia set at my house. They are a bit more comprehensive.”
            “Do you think they’ll help?”
            “Yes,” Equius said. They would undoubtedly help. He always found the encylopaedias to bring history more to life than their bog standard boring textbooks. Those were too dry, even for Equius’ taste.
            “Hmm, alright! Let’s go check it out then. Hey Karkitty!”
            “What?”
            “I’m gonna head over to Equius’ place,” Nepeta said, and started packing her backpack up again. Equius followed suit.
            “’kay,” Karkat huffed at them. Nepeta trotted out to the bus stop down the street, and sighed at the schedule.
            “Looks like we just missed it,” she announced to Equius.
            “You are having bad luck with buses today, it seems,” he said, referring to the fact that they had also missed their bus to her house, hence why Karkat beat them there.
            “Yes, it does seem. Welp! Guess we’re walking.” Equius went along with it. On any other day, he would have argued to call Aurthour. He knew Nepeta was insist on walking. It was such a pleasant day, and it was good for them, after all.

            It wasn’t too long before they arrived at the Zahhak house, despite the walk, and Equius went up and unlocked the front door. He could sense Nepeta’s frown without even looking at her.
            “Father is out on business and Aurthour has taken today off due to some person matters. And Horuss is—”
            “Out with Meulin,” Nepeta finished. Of course she was already aware. Their older siblings had been spending an awful lot of time together once again. It was only a matter of time that Horuss told Meulin what was happening with their mother, and Meulin would tell Nepeta, and the last thing Equius wanted was Nepeta’s pity.
            Once inside, Equius started up the stairs. “The books are in my father’s study,” she told Nepeta. Father wouldn’t be pleased to know that the two of them were in his private study, but Equius was beginning to care less about what his father thought of him. Besides, it was always better to beg forgiveness than ask permission.
            “Oh, okay!” Nepeta followed Equius up the stairs and into Darius’ study. Equius was always impressed by the study. It was just sprawling with bookshelves and there was an ornate desk sitting in the middle of the room, carvings traced up the legs. Equius knew exactly where the books they needed were, and found them easily.
            “Ah, here we go,” he grunted, putting them into Nepeta’s arms. She stumbled a bit under the weight. “We can go study in my room.”
            “’kay.”

            Their study session didn’t last long. It was interrupted by a loud thunk on the door. Normally, Equius wouldn’t have concerned himself with it, but with his father and brother out, it was a bit alarming. He knew the door was locked, of course. He wasn’t foolish enough to leave it unlocked behind him. Another loud thunk came, and Equius was on his feet. “Stay here,” he instructed Nepeta. “I will go investigate. It’s probably Horuss, he forgets his key with annoying frequency.” While this was true, Equius said it more for Nepeta’s sake. It wasn’t very reassuring for him. “Horuss?” Equius called out as he left the room and made his way down the stairs. But it wasn’t Horuss. The figure outside the window was much too lanky to be Horuss. It looked like… Gamzee. Gamzee that wasn’t himself, though. If there was one family that Equius knew he had to listen to, it was the Makaras. The Amporas and the Peixes were by far the most powerful, but Equius always hesitated to trust them. The Makaras were the only other ones better off than the Zahhaks, and with the power dynamics in their town, it could be downright dangerous. Equius knew his whole life it was of the utmost importance that he listen and do what Gamzee told him, and Gamzee had never been one to take this responsibility seriously. But the Gamzee that was there now? Not only did he not look himself, but he looked terrifying. His typically unkempt hair was looking even more bedraggled than ever. He was skulking around the windows, all hunched over, with a wild look in his eyes and a wide, borderline villainous grin on his face. Equius moved to open the door, but Gamzee didn’t care. Instead of just coming in, Gamzee hurled a rock through the window, glass shattering everywhere, and he clambered through the sill. Equius offered a calming smile, though his heart was jackhammering in his chest. “Ah, M-mister Makara, what brings you here?”
            “Shut the fuck up, motherfucker,” Gamzee slurred, his low, gravelly voice all the more foreboding.
            “I…sorry? Have I done—”
            “Kneel.”
            Equius didn’t say anything, didn’t move, didn’t even smile anymore. He was sure that he would be able to physically fight Gamzee, but he would have to will himself to actually fight Gamzee. They stared at each other, wordlessly, which seemed to send Gamzee into an absolute rage. He snarled, and darted over to the display case containing Equius’ father’s oldest bow. That was when Equius began to react. He, too, went to the display case, and tipped it on its side in an attempt to deter Gamzee. No such luck. Gamzee scooped the bow off the ground and snapped it in half. He took a few lumbering steps towards Equius, still on the floor near the display case. Gamzee loomed over him, and Equius was frozen in place. With another low growl, Gamzee looped the string around Equius’ neck.
            “I SAID KNEEL, MOTHERFUCKER!” Gamzee yelled, and pulled taut on both ends of the bow. Equius tried to grip the string, but it was pointless. If he was going to die, might as well die at the hands of someone better than him. He could hear his own desperate gasps; his vision was beginning to blur, and everything went black.

            And then it wasn’t black anymore. Nepeta was there, her olive green eyes looking desperately at him, and then flooded with relief when she recognized that he was looking back. Karkat was there, too. Equius struggled to process the conversation.
            “…shouldn’t motherfuckin’ be here, motherfucker.”
            “Neither should you. Gamzee, we’re your friends. Why… why would you do this?” Equius sat up, his head still spinning. Nepeta pressed a finger to her lips, and he knew she was right. It was better for neither of them to say anything.
            “Get out of the way,” Gamzee growled, but he made no attempt to get past Karkat.
            “Someone’s fucking with your head, man.”
            “MOVE!”
            “You don’t want to hurt me. You don’t want to hurt them. This isn’t right. There’s something wrong here, isn’t there? Take a breath, Gamzee. Look at me. We’re friends.”
            “Kar…”
            “Shhh… Come on. This isn’t you. Where’s Gamzee? I want to talk to my pal.”
            “My head’s all… fucked, man. Shit. I… I didn’t want to… didn’t mean to…” Equius was astounded. How was Karkat keeping his cool, for once? What was going on with Gamzee? And, oh lord, he was only just now focused enough to notice, why was Nepeta covered in blood? “You sh-should go, man. Before this gets ugly again.”
            “Yeah, I’m gonna take Nep home. Are you okay? Can you keep it together for a bit? ‘kay. You should go, yoo, before someone calls the cops.” Gamzee nodded and left, and only then did Equius let go of the tension he only just realized he was holding. Karkat, he could see, was doing the same, and he turned around to face him and Nepeta. “Holy shit…” Karkat muttered before pacing over. “Are you okay, Equius?”
            Equius had more than caught his breath. “Yes… a bit unsettled, but I am physically fine. Nepeta jumped in when Mr. Makara attempted to, uh…” The reality of what had just happened was settling in. “…choke me to death.”
            “He was literally trying to kill you?” Karkat asked. Equius nodded at him. “Okay.” Karkat was trying to figure out the best course of action, but Equius was more concerned about the destruction in his living room. “So you’ll be okay if I take her home?”
            “Yes,” Equius answered, and slowly stood up. He was still lightheaded, but overall in better shape than Nepeta. He and Karkat hoisted Nepeta up, and she looped an arm around Karkat’s shoulder. Equius got her a towel to clot the bleeding from her nose. As she and Karkat moved towards the door, Equius had one final thought. “And Karkat?”
            “Yeah?”
            “Please make sure she’s okay.” Equius knew Nepeta had saved his life. He also knew, based on Gamzee’s behavior, maybe his father wasn’t right about the way things were.

            Equius went about cleaning the house. There would be a whole other kind of hell to pay if his father came home to this mess. There was nothing to do about the bow, or the ligature marks on his neck, but Darius didn’t ask any questions when he came home, much to Equius’ relief. Also to Equius’ relief, Gamzee wasn’t in school for the rest of the week. This only made his presence at Aradia’s party all the more unsettling. Equius stuck with Nepeta the whole time, lest another fight break out. It would be his turn to protect her. But he couldn’t possibly have protected her from what was about to happen.
            “HOLY SHIT!” Karkat yelled. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
            “Karkat, you FUCKER!” Sollux yelled back. “Can you not lose your shit for one day?!”
            “Well excuse me, shithead. My dad just got shot.” Equius looked to Nepeta. Nepeta looked like she was about to cry.

Chapter Text

            “Nepeta, come on,” Karkat said, grabbing her wrist and running off. That brought about the end of the party. And, once again, Equius could not call Aurthour. He’d escorted Father to a business meeting. Why was Aurthour driving Father? And, Equius hated this thought, but… did it have something to do with the sudden attack on Mr. Vantas? Equius was putting the pieces together in his mind. He knew his dad worked with Mrs. Peixes; he knew Mrs. Peixes has it out for Mr. Vantas; he knew that his dad had been busy planning something, and suddenly his personal driver was occupied. This was all quite… foreboding. If his father was responsible for destroying Nepeta’s family… well… what did that mean for him? The combination of people left needing a ride was the most unfortunate for Equius. It was him, and Gamzee, being driven by Aradia’s father. Gamzee tried to keep a smile, but he was still uneasy, trying to keep distance on the backseat between them.
            “So, Equius, where’s your dad?” Aradia asked. Equius was just amazed that she was speaking to him.
            “He, er, had Aurthour take him out. Business meeting or something of the like…” It didn’t feel right. Something in his gut was unsettling.
            “Ah… Gamzee, your dad busy too?”
            “If I motherfuckin’ told you, sis, I’d have to motherfuckin’ kill you.” Not a singular note of sarcasm was in Gamzee’s voice. He was deadly serious; that much was obvious even thought his chilling laugh. Daniel slammed the brakes.
            “Do not. Speak to my daughter like that. Don’t even joke about killing. Anyone,” Daniel hissed at Gamzee. Gamzee had a smile on his face that was somehow simultaneously blithe and bold, and Equius knew from experience that Gamzee wasn’t telling a joke. He was capable of murder. He took after his father that way.
            “Dad, let’s just go,” Aradia muttered.
            “You friends with that kid?”
            “Friend… by association. I’m… friends with Sollux,” Aradia said, and Equius couldn’t help but notice the uncomfortable emphasis she put on the word “friends”, “who’s friends with Karkat, who’s friends with… Gamzee.”
            “Nah, sis, we’re fuckin’ friends,” Gamzee said, obviously looking for some kind of agreement. Or compliance. “What, we ain’t friends? You don’t fuckin’ like having me around?” Thankfully, they’d arrived at Gamzee’s house. He started to inch out of the car. “That’s fuckin’ fine, sis, I’ll just be on my motherfuckin’ way.” He slammed the door behind him, and Equius felt the tension in his chest release.
            “Such vulgar language,” he muttered. Why was Gamzee so profane? Why had he never cared about his familial position until recently? Why had he… attacked Equius?
            “I don’t like him,” Daniel said.
            “Agreed,” Equius mutterd, rubbing his neck. There were still scars there, and they would likely be there forever.
            “Hey, I don’t like you either, kid,” Daniel snipped. Equius had not forgotten. How could Aradia’s father look upon him favorably when he’d treated his daughter so poorly? Aradia did seem to be in better mental shape, though, and she turned in her seat to look at Equius. He felt himself begin to sweat immediately. She was still so breathtaking, and he’d utterly blown it with her.
            “Equius, did something… happen between you and Gamzee?”
            Equius faltered. “What—why on Earth would you ask something like that?” Equius was not a skilled liar.
            “Well, because Gamzee looked totally off his rocker; like, moreso than is normal for him, and you looked scared out of your mind that he was back there with you. And you have these massive bruises all around your neck, like, someone was trying to strangle you.”
            “Yes… well… I was practicing sparring with Mr. Makara and things got… a little out of hand.” He didn’t want to make matters worse. If he threw Gamzee under the bus, there was no doubt he, Horuss, and their father would all pay for it. The Makaras were one family you didn’t piss off, and at this point it seemed like Kurloz, the elder brother, was the one least likely to harm anyone.
            “Mm,” Aradia muttered, and they fell into silence for the rest of the drive, Equius barely managing to utter a thanks to Daniel as they arrived at his house.

            Equius was worried about so much; worried his father would be outraged at the state of the family, worried about his own well-being, worried Gamzee would come back to finish things, worried about mother, and on top of all that, worried about Nepeta losing a second father figure in her life. The first thing he could think to do was message Nepeta.

centaursTesticle [CT] began pestering arsenicCatnip [AC]

CT: Nepeta.
CT: Is everything okay?
AC: i don’t know!!
AC: solomon is in a room right now
AC: mom’s talking to meulin
AC: i hate it here
CT: My apologies for the situation.
AC: don’t apologize
AC: it’s not like it’s your fault
CT: Yes, but…
CT: I suppose you are correct.
AC: arghhh this whole thing sucks!
AC: everyone is sad and scared and i am too and there’s nothing we can do about it!
CT: Nepeta, please, take a breath.
CT: Let the doctors do their work.
AC: bluhhhhh i know
AC: oh shoot
AC: i have to go, equius

arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased pestering centaursTesticle [CT]

None of that worry Equius was carrying had been relieved, and none of that worry was relieved with the group chat Dave established over the weekend.

turntechGodhead [TG] opened memo on board: vantas leijon maryam protection squad

TG: hey so
TG: yall are the ones closest to karkles nep and kan respectively
TG: i figured if you guys hear anything we can keep each other up to date
TG: so we all know how to support them
TG: even though kar isnt even talking to me right now

gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to memo

GC: I haven’t heard anything.
GC: I think Kar is staying at the hospital until they let his dad out.
TG: hmmm

tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to memo

TT: Nothing from Kanaya yet, either.

centaursTesticle [CT] responded to memo

CT: I messaged Nepeta.
CT: She seemed very alarmed but they have Solomon with the doctors.
TT: Did she say anything about anyone’s emotional state?
CT: She said
CT: AC: everyone is sad and scared and i am too and there’s nothing we can do about it!
TG: valid
GC:  Okay well, if anyone gets an update, let us know.

            The memo board remained open, though no news broke. Equius took the time over the weekend and his father either being busy or ignoring him as an opportunity to ensure the window was fixed, the last remaining evidence of Gamzee’s accosting him, except for the missing bow. On Sunday evening, Darius made an announcement.
            “Boys, we are going to be in the cabin this summer.”
            Neither Horuss nor Equius said anything. They had not gone to the cabin in some time. Equius knew this meant their mother would not be there when they returned. He knew that Horuss knew it, too, and that there was no argument to be made. But there was something else in Horuss’ eyes, and so Equius joined him in his bedroom after dinner.
            “Equius, do you remember the last time we went to the cabin?”
            “No, I believe I was quite young.”
            “Father uses it to hide from authorities.” Equius’ eyes widened. It couldn’t just be a coincidence they were going now. His father missing, at an unknown location when Mr. Vantas got shot…and now they were hiding away for the summer. There was no doubt anymore of his connection. Though Equius had to wonder… if he’d done it at the behest of Mrs. Peixes, which he also suspected, then why could she not pay off the police? It was almost certainly something she was capable of. Maybe…maybe Father had done something to anger her, as well, and that was an even more dangerous position to be in. But it wasn’t as if Equius had anywhere else to go, and so he resigned himself to it. Maybe when he was older, it would be easier to change things.

            Nepeta was in class the next day, which Equius took as a sign of Solomon’s recovery, but she seemed quite morose, so perhaps he was wrong. His phone went off during class, and under normal circumstances, he wouldn’t dare even glance at it, but these were clearly not normal circumstances.

TT: Kanaya said there hasn’t been any news.
TG: no news is good news
TT: Theoretically, yes.
TT: But she’s still a bit…
TT: Out of it.
CT: As is Nepeta.
CT: I suggest we be delicate about the topic.
TT: A wise choice indeed, Equius.
GC: You guys haven’t seen Karkat around, have you?
TG: he wasnt in class this morning
TG: wouldnt surprise me if he didn’t show up at all
TG: i mean
TG: you said he was staying in the hospital until his dad gets released so maybe hes still there
GC: That’s what’s worrying me; it’s been three days.
GC: He’s not answering my messages.
TG: come on dude his dad is in the hospital
GC: Yeah, I’m just…
GC: Worried.
TT: We all are.

            The unfortunate news came that evening.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has started memo: FUCK

CG: Hey everyone.
CG: So…
CG: Bad news…
CG: My dad… he…
CG: Didn’t make it.

cuttlefishCuller [CC] responded to memo

CC: Karkat, I’m so sorry!

turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo

TG: fucking blows dude
CG: Don’t be sarcastic, Strider.
TG: im not
TG: it may shock you to know that I am in fact
TG: capable of sincerity
TG: give me the benefit of the doubt dude
TG: instead of hopping all over me the minute I open my mouth
TG: all up in my business like youre trying to hop on my dick
CG: GROSS, fuck off.
TG: nah man the fuck is on
TG: your sympathy fuck I mean
TG: looking for one?

twinArmageddons [TA] responded to memo

TA: wouldn’t put it past him
TG: haha nice one man
CG: You FUCKERS!
CG: Stop ganging up on me, it’s seriously not cool.
CG: I’m having an honest to God crisis.

arachnidsGrip [AG] responded to memo

AG: Honestly, Karkat, when aren’t you having a crisis?
CG: UUUUGH forget it.
CG: Why did I think I could talk to you assholes?

ectoBiologist [EB] responded to memo

EB: guys, come on
EB: karkat just lost someone important to him.
EB: I don’t think it’s the time for dick jokes.
TG: what are you like his boyfriend or something
EB: dave, no.
EB: i’m not…
EB: i’m straight, dave.
TG: sure
TG: youre about as straight as i am
TG: but sure
CG: Egbert, PLEASE. I DON’T need your fucking help.
CG: Strider, SHUT UP.
AG: Soooooooo
AG: What exactly was the point of this group chat?
AG: Half of us aren’t even online right now.
TA: man I wish I wasn’t
CG: I was trying to get to that.
CG: I could honestly really use some moral support right now.
CG: So you’re all invited to the funeral.
CG: Not that any of you will actually show up.
CG: Now leave me alone.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] is now an idle chum!

centaursTesticle [CT] began pestering arsenicCatnip [AC]

CT: Nepeta
CT: I am so sorry to hear about your loss.
CT: I know you were close with Mr. Vantas.
AC: thanks equius
AC: sorry, i don’t really know what else to say about it
AC: i felt like i finally kind of had a dad and now he’s gone
CT: Hm.
CT: Yes…
CT: My apologies, I am not very good at consolation.
AC: it’s okay equius
AC: it’s sweet of you to try
CT: Yes, well, I will attend the funeral if you would like me to.
AC: oh
AC: sure
AC: i didn’t really want to think about it
AC: i’m ignoring the memo right now
CT: Sorry for bringing it up, then.
AC: gosh
AC: it’s fine equius
AC: i’m just really out of it
AC: i’m gonna take a nap or something
CT: Okay.
CT: Message me if you need to.

centaursTesticle [CT] ceased pestering arsenicCatnip [AC]

            It was a solid two weeks of sobering thought before Solomon’s funeral. As Equius sat at the funeral, as he’d promised, he thought about his mother. Would she even be honored in such a way? Or would she be forgotten and abandoned as his father fled from his crimes? And, Equius thought, was he being selfish for wondering about his own family, rather than a man who had actually died? He got out of his own head and listened to Dessie’s eulogy.
            “Solomon Vantas was… one of the kindest, greatest people I ever had the pleasure of meeting. He was so inspirational to me, so influential to the word; how he was just… always trying to help whoever he could, always trying to make peace or find a diplomatic way around a problem- that was all he wanted to be. A diplomat. He wanted to make a better future for his kids, for my kids… Solomon was…my best friend, and my first love. When we met in high school, I knew I’d found someone I could confide in. Someone I knew I wanted in my life. He had such an idealistic concept of what the world could be. And… oh, the way he lit up when we talked about how we could improve the world, leave our mark… and then we fell in love… and then… both left for different colleges. I never thought I’d be lucky enough to find him again, but I was. I swore I’d never lose him again. And yet, here we are. Solomon Vantas was… a great man, who did great things, and I will not let that be in vain. He may be gone, but the impact that he’s had will be with us forever.” Equius glanced over at Nepeta. She’d finally begun to cry. Perhaps it hadn’t quite hit her prior to that. Equius wished he could provide some consolation as Kankri took Dessie’s place at the podium.
           “My father was an ambitious, idealistic man. He was always trying to do something to help someone, and help this town. Someone I always admired, and from this day on I will be taking up his cause and do my best to be as he was. Thank you for everything, Dad.”
           The first thing Equius did as the ceremony ended was go to Nepeta. He completely enclosed her in a tight hug and stroked her hair gently as she sniffled into his shirt.
           “Are you coming to the reception, Equius?”
           “Yes, of course,” Equius answered. There was no world in which Equius would leave Nepeta alone under these circumstances.
           “Nepeta!!” Equius looked up, and it was Feferi bounding towards them. She, too, gave Nepeta a tight hug. “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry.” Nepeta smiled, but Equius didn’t. It was bold of Feferi to come here, if his suspicions were correct. But, he supposed, Feferi either wouldn’t know about it or would convince herself it wasn’t true.
           "It’ll be okay, Fef,” Nepeta said. “It’s… weird right now but it’ll be okay.”
            “Yeah, it will be,” Feferi said.

            Equius didn’t know how to feel about the whole situation. He hadn’t told Nepeta he was leaving yet. He didn’t want to to say anything about it during the reception; she was lightening up and laughing at old stories about Solomon. Guilt was weighing on Equius’ chest. How was he ever going to come clean? How could he ever tell her about his family’s involvement?

Chapter Text

It was supposed to be an exciting day; a monumental moment for Horuss, but Equius just felt morose about the whole thing. For one, they would have to sit through the entire ceremony just to hear Horuss’ name called. And for two, it was the last time Equius was going to see most of his friends, for a while. It was still unknown whether they would return in the fall for Equius to continue high school, and all of the uncertainty about what had happened with Solomon Vantas, plus his mother being taken off life support, and Equius having to leave everything behind was a recipe for resentment. Horuss would likely be moving out for college, and Equius was even entertaining the notion of going to live with him rather than their father, but that still didn’t solve the problem of him not seeing his friends anymore. While he didn’t have that many close relationships, he’d miss Nepeta dearly. He’d miss the connections he was barely starting to make; Vriska, Tavros, and even Aradia, though he was fairly sure she still hated him. And while he sat in the bleachers surrounded by people celebrating a new chapter in their lives, he was dreading his new chapter.