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Impulse control is not Yoon Jeonghan’s strong suit.
He has a lot of really great qualities, reliable, hard-working, empathetic, charming, the list went on. He can admit so much as that. Yoon Jeonghan, by most of society's standards, is a good person. He just has a bit of trouble with impulsive decisions.
He’d never do anything that would put himself or others in danger, of course. He had a better grip on things than that, but that didn’t mean he didn’t partake in stupid decisions often. Eating that fourth piece of pizza right before he got on the teacups ride at Disneyland, buying yet another cuddly sweater when he should have used his money to buy something other than instant noodles for dinner, and, of course, his latest bad decision. Becoming his own secret admirer.
Now, Jeonghan loves himself, as anyone should, but he doesn’t love himself enough to justify ordering a bouquet of daisies to his address every morning for the last two weeks. It’s a waste of money, and furthermore, a waste of space. He’s taken to giving the bouquets out now, handing them out to family, friends, even strangers on the street. If anyone asked where he was getting all the flowers from, he’d just laugh and quickly change the subject. Jeonghan was not good at impulse control, but he was good at diverting attention from himself.
His roommate, Seungkwan, caught on quickly. It would have been impossible for him not to, considering the first few days Jeonghan just let the vases sit on their kitchen counters, unsure of what to do with his gifts from his “secret admirer”.
Really, it was all Seungkwan’s fault anyways. Moreso the fault of his gooey boyfriend, Hansol, who just had to have a bouquet of peach carnations sent to their apartment, just because. Jeonghan could absolutely gag over how disgustingly in love they were.
With the flowers came the annoying ringing of their doorbell at 8 AM, waking Jeonghan from his beauty sleep. Seungkwan hadn’t even been home, he’d already left for some sunrise yoga class with Mingyu, leaving Jeonghan to deal with the acceptance of his gift. He was annoyed to say the least, dragging himself out of bed and not even bothering to fix his messy hair or his skewed glasses. He answered the door, donning his rattiest sweater that hung off of him like a sack, and his favorite pair of pajama pants, the ones with the little cows jumping over the moons.
Much to his surprise and utmost displeasure, the delivery boy just had to be devastatingly cute.
His smile had been big and genuine, as if he actually enjoyed his job, a pleasant change of pace from the millennial despair Jeonghan was used to seeing behind the eyes of he and his peers. He had presented the flowers like they were precious, his hands wrapped gently around the cheap, plastic vase as he thrusted them forward towards Jeonghan’s sleepy body.
“Seungkwan?” he’d asked, raising an eyebrow, that smile still plastered on his face. Jeonghan didn’t think he’d ever forget it, the way it made his heart beat quickly beneath his skin.
“Um, no,” Jeonghan shook his head quickly, running a hand through his hair self consciously, suddenly realizing how much of a mess he probably looked like, “I’m his roommate. He’s not here right now, but I can take those.”
Cute Delivery Boy, as Jeonghan had decisively named him due to the lack of name tag on his dark green polo, just smiled even brighter, handing the flowers to Jeonghan without a second question.
“Have a great day!” he called, bowing slightly before he turned to head out of their complex, and maybe Jeonghan was a little bit on the dramatic side, but suddenly he believed in love at first sight.
So the next morning Jeonghan woke up early enough to have time to get ready and order a bouquet of daisies to his apartment, under the guise of a secret admirer, of course. He did it all without even thinking twice, the need to see Cute Delivery Boy again outweighing his need to not waste money on flowers by a longshot.
When he answered the door this time, he was ready, wearing his favorite black jeans and cream sweater, his dark hair sitting perfectly on his head. He even put his contacts in, something he usually only did for special occasions. Jeonghan was a firm believer in making a good first impression, and if he couldn’t take back his initial try, he had to make up for it ten fold with his second.
“Hi again,” Cute Delivery Boy had said, same burning smile painted on his face “I think these are for you this time, unless you have another roommate in there.”
“Oh?” he asked, fluttering his eyelashes, “are they for Jeonghan? That’s me, I’m Jeonghan.”
Cute Delivery Boy laughed, pressing the delicate flowers forward, “they are in fact for you then, Jeonghan. It seems that you have a secret admirer.”
“Wow!” Jeonghan gasped, and he hoped that the blush he applied to his cheeks helped with the act, “this is so unexpected. There’s no note?”
“No, sorry,” Cute Delivery Boy frowned, “I can try and track the card number if you want--”
“That won’t be necessary,” Jeonghan said quickly, taking the flowers from his hands, “thank you again- oh, I just realized, I never caught your name!”
Cute Delivery Boy laughed, shaking his head and smiling at Jeonghan in a way that made his head spin, “Seokmin, my name is Seokmin. Have a great day, Jeonghan.”
“You too, Seokmin!” Jeonghan called, waving as he watched Seokmin leave their floor.
“Oh,” Seokmin stopped, turning a head over his shoulder and smiling playfully at Jeonghan, “I meant to say this yesterday, but I was too embarrassed. I guess this is fate though, so I’ll say it now.”
Jeonghan held his breath, nodding excitedly. Love at first sight really was real, this was about to be the start to his very own fairytale!
“I like your pajama pants,” Seokmin smiled wide, “the cows were cute.”
Jeonghan gaped, staring as Seokmin walked into the elevator, humming some song under his breath and leaving Jeonghan properly blushing as he stood in his doorway, holding the first of many bouquets that were to come.
So now he finds himself two weeks deep into a plethora of impulsive decisions, all because he wants to see Seokmin, wants to get to know him, but is far too flustered by him to make a move. It’s an annoying, exhausting game he’s playing with himself, and his wallet isn’t too happy about it either.
He tells himself every night that today was the last day, that he won’t wake up and order the flowers tomorrow, that this will be the end. It’s more romantic that way anyways, he figures, because if by some off chance he finds his path crossing with Seokmin again, it’s truly meant to be, and wouldn’t that be a darling story to tell the grandkids.
Seungkwan, of course, thinks he’s crazy. He’s wrestled with him a few times, trying to pry his cell phone from his hands so he won’t make the call to order his flowers. Jeonghan, using his sheer brute force induced by adrenaline, wins every time. If he can even call what he’s doing a win, anyways.
So it becomes a habit more than anything, his body has naturally started rising with the sun, if he had any useful braincells left, he’d use this new found energy to his advantage. Maybe even join that weird yoga class Seungkwan and Mingyu go to, it’s on some hill overlooking the valley, and they’re always raving about the view. Jeonghan could be that kind of person, he figures, the kind of person who drinks smoothies and goes to yoga with a view. The kind of person who doesn’t waste money on a bunch of flowers he doesn’t need.
At this point, he’s hoping the secret admirer is making Seokmin jealous more than anything. He considers the two of them friends by now, their chats lasting as long as they can, what with Seokmin being on the job. Jeonghan notices how he looks down at his watch, frowning deeply when he realizes their conversation has to end. It pleases Jeonghan, knowing that Seokmin is interested in him on some level, even if he doesn’t think they’re soulmates yet. (Not that Jeonghan does either, promise.)
On a logical level, he knows he could just ask for Seokmin’s number, text him like a normal human being and stop ordering the dumb flowers. But he likes what they have, the half and half anonymity and closeness, and he likes the dumb flowers. He likes the way they look against the dark green of Seokmin’s uniform and the tanness of his glowing skin. He likes the way Seokmin hands them over ever-so-gently every single time, like he really cares about the quality of the bouquet being kept. It’s rather telling of who he is as a person, and Jeonghan is quite obviously a fan.
It never occurs to Jeonghan that there are other delivery boys and that one day, Seokmin might call in sick. That is, until it happens.
He opens the door again, fully expecting to see the love of his life standing there, but is greeted instead with a kind looking girl. He doesn’t mean to look disappointed, but he knows he does, the confusion reads on the girls face.
“Yoon Jeonghan?” she asks quietly, looking a bit scared of Jeonghan’s expression.
“Yeah, that’s me,” he sighs, rubbing the back of his neck, “look, I don’t really want them. I’m sorry, I’m just having a bad morning and I really don’t need another bouquet. You can keep them, I’m sure you or someone you love will be able to appreciate them more.”
The girl’s mouth gapes slightly, looking at Jeonghan as if he was growing a second head, “are you sure?”
Jeonghan nods, “yes, sorry again. Have a great day, okay,” he says before disappearing back into his apartment, shutting the door in the kind girl’s face.
Something finally clicks inside of him, and he decides right there that he can no longer keep up this charade. It’s a losing battle, at the end of the day. Jeonghan would never step up and ask for Seokmin’s number, Seokmin would probably never realize that Jeonghan was interested in him and not his fake secret admirer, and Jeonghan’s wallet would keep crying from the constant charges for flowers to his debit card. He knew then that it had to stop, despite the sadness that crept in his chest when he realizes he’d probably never see that dazzling smile again.
He spends the rest of the day eating ice cream and watching shitty romcoms, because yes in fact he does lean towards the dramatic side, but he deserves the indulgence, he thinks. This is the end of the fairytale he’s been scripting for the last few weeks, he’s allowed to be just a little bit sad over the loss of his prince charming.
The next morning he doesn’t wake up with the sunrise, but instead wakes up to the ringing of his doorbell.
He groans, rolling out of bed in his ratty sweatshirt, his cow pajama pants, and his glasses slightly skewed on his face. Seungkwan never came home last night, he thinks, so it’s probably just another case of the younger boy forgetting his key and being locked out. He’ll kick his ass later, after he gets just a few more hours of shut eyes.
He opens the door instead to find Cute Delivery Boy standing before him once again, looking as glowing and warm as ever, and Jeonghan kind of wants to curl up into a ball on the spot.
“You’re wearing the pajama pants again!” Seokmin exclaims, his eyes as wide as his smile, “I mentioned how much I like those, right?”
Jeonghan just nods, because it’s far too early for him to feel like the universe is working it’s magic right in front of him, and he doesn’t really want to get his hopes up anyways.
“Um, well,” Seokmin says, and his usual gentle grip on the vase of flowers he’s holding is like a vice today. Jeonghan notices immediately, and he’s suddenly taken with confusion.
He assumes the flowers are for Seungkwan again, considering his secret admirer certainly didn’t order any, and because they aren’t his usual order anyways. They’re big, yellow sunflowers, not something he’d usually pick out himself but a beautiful change amongst the sea of delicate, white daisies he’s been living in.
“For Seungkwan?” Jeonghan asks, tilting his head.
“No, for you,” Seokmin says decisively, thrusting the flowers forward a little more forcefully than usual.
“For me?” Jeonghan furrows his eyebrows, “but that’s impossible--”
“They’re from me,” Seokmin says quickly, “I saw your secret admirer didn’t order you any today, and I just thought… I don’t know, I thought that you deserved something anyways. Plus, I kinda wanted to see you.”
Jeonghan stares at him as the blush rises high on his cheeks, and suddenly all his impulsive decisions might have been the best decisions he’s ever made, because God, this kid is absolutely perfect.
“There is no secret admirer,” Jeonghan shakes his head, earning a small gasp from Seokmin, “I’ve been ordering flowers for myself for the last two weeks.”
“Why?” Seokmin asks, and Jeonghan realizes he’s really going to have to spell it out for him, despite how embarrassing the whole thing is.
“I wanted to see you, Seok,” Jeonghan sighs, “but I’m a big baby who didn’t know how to just ask for your number. I really like you, I think, or at least I think I could, like if we went on a proper date outside of my apartment complex hallway.”
“That,” Seokmin laughs, “is so cute. That’s so stupid, no offense, but that is really cute.”
“Don’t make fun of me,” Jeonghan whines, leaning against his door frame in hopes that it will swallow him whole.
“I’m not making fun of you,” Seokmin says between laughs, “I’m laughing because, I think I’m quite smitten with you as well, and isn’t that kind of stupid? I’m just the flower delivery boy, and you’re just some guy who was sending himself flowers every day for two weeks. What a match are we?”
Jeonghan giggles at this, because Seokmin is right, they are definitely quite the match.
“Fair enough,” he says, “I guess you’re right, and I guess this also means we should probably arrange to go on an actual date. You know, considering no one else would want to date a couple of fools like us.”
Seokmin nods quickly, his smile never faltering and constantly burning itself into Jeonghan’s heart, “my phone number is attached to the note on that bouquet, please don’t hesitate to use it.”
Jeonghan can tell Seokmin is going to look down at his watch and frown any second now, and usually this is the moment he hates. The moment where he has to say goodbye to him, not sure if they’ll ever meet again. He’s dreaded it every time, and it had become the driving force for his repeated orders of daisies.
But now, as he holds on to his bouquet with gentle hands, he looks forward to Seokmin leaving, because now there’s going to be a Seokmin outside of Cute Delivery Boy standing at his doorway. Now he has a real, attainable chance at his fairytale. The note attached to the green, green stems is enough to make butterflies flutter in his stomach.
He watches Seokmin leave only a few moments later, into the elevator and onto his next delivery. He looks down at the sunflowers in his hands before he closes the door, and he thinks he’s just found his new favorite flower.