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so I'll try loving again,

Summary:

Allura is getting over heartbreak, trying to remember what it's like to be at peace.

Romelle is new, soft, and looking for a home.

Or,

Two girls, lost and alone, find a home in eachother, and everything is soft.

(Love finds you in places you wouldn't expect.)

Notes:

I've been trying to get back into writing sooooooo take this :)

(title from the gun song by car seat headrest, aka my fave band ever)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The world is ending.

The world is ending, disintegrating, and Allura is standing there, helpless, watching as it all crumbles around her.

Lotor has been lying to her this entire time.

She's been tricked.

There's really nothing else to it. This man who she has helped, loved, fought for and believed, believed, believed, was, in reality, just another despicable alien, a stranger taking advantage of her hope and kindness.

He had enslaved an entire race of people, her people, their people, and used their corpses as batteries for who knows how long.

The world is ending. All she can do is watch.

-

Well, she does more than watch. She has to stop him, has to leave him for dead in some quintessence-filled dimension, abandon the only man she's ever loved and wait for the next tragedy to strike.

She has to just sit there while the only home she's known since she woke up, 10,000 years after her planet was destroyed, is sent into nothingness just to keep the universe safe and alive.

She wishes that she could have sacrificed herself instead. Then her pain would count for something.

-

Everything hurts, and it stays hurting for so, so unbelievably long. She's stuck riding in the blue lion to go to a planet that she'll be a stranger in, and has been given no time to mourn over Lotor and her castleship at all.

Apologies filter through her ears like cheap coffee. She can't stand anything anymore.

She's not okay for a long, long while.

-

Few things shine through this ever-present gloom she's in.

Lance, the mice, and... Romelle.

Lance's goofiness is welcome right now. He lets her laugh, even when they're both feeling less-than. Lance has been abandoned, not just by Keith, but by his own feelings, his happiness. She gets that. They grow closer, and it's nice.

The mice have always been a source of comfort for her, and they're especially sweet to her now. She's glad she still has them. It's familiar.

But Romelle. Romelle is new, and she knows that somewhere, deep down, she should hate her.

(If she hadn't come, she thinks. If she hadn't come, and told everybody the truth, if she had never said a word, had never met Keith and Krolia, if none of that had ever happened, maybe she would still be with Lotor. Maybe she could have changed his intentions. They could've ruled the universe together, had a family, had everything she now saw as impossible.)

But, Romelle is just. She's amazing.

She's sweet and smart and goofy all in one, she believes in what she says wholeheartedly and without question; she brings a happiness and a light wherever she goes, and it's really just what Allura has been needing lately.

Allura knows she should hate her, but she just can't.

-

They land on Earth, finally, but it's not like what any of the paladins had described.

She's scared.

Lance is devastated, she can't go to him. He's going through a mourning, not for an old love, but for his entire home. For everything he's been missing since the day the blue lion flew him out to Arus.

It's a feeling she understands much too well.

The mice are busy somewhere else, staying safe. She can barely stand to be without them.

Romelle is also just, not exactly there. Yes, she's present, yes, she still makes an effort to talk to Allura every day, but seeing as she's not an official member of Voltron, there's not exactly so much of her available. She has to stay out, stay safe.

Allura is alone again, and it might be of her own choice, but it still hurts. Maybe more then before.

(Why does she ache for Romelle the most?)

-

The fight ends after so, so long.

She's in the shoddy, barely-counting-as-a-hospital for almost a month.

Lance leaves her a sweet little card. It's hand-drawn.

(He's just as injured as she is, if not more; he can't do much more than that.)

The mice are by her bedside often.

(She's missed their chirps and chatter.)

Romelle stays with her every day and every night, talking about everything and nothing, distracting her from any pain.

(She's beautiful. They're happy in each other's company, and it's all so natural.)

-

"Princess?"

A quiet call from a quiet mouth; in the morning, Earth time; just two days shy of Allura finally being able to be released officially from the hospital.

Romelle shares the hospital bed with her, and there's no real reason as to why.

(There is. Neither of them admit that they know why, but there's a reason.)

"Yes, Elle?"

(It's a sweet, soft, childhood nickname. Romelle mentioned it once whilst telling her a story of her childhood, of being reprimanded for kicking the statue of Lotor, having it break her foot. She had giggled all the way through it, and Allura was entranced. She's called her Elle in the more tender moments ever since.)

"What's it feel like, falling in love?" It's mumbled in her direction, muffled by the time and the fact that she's chewing her lips. They still look soft.

Allura is slightly taken aback by the question, though not especially surprised. Romelle has never been romantically involved with someone; she was always much more interested in trying to find the truth when she was back home, and was seemingly a bit of a recluse. Of course she's curious about romantic feelings, they're both just teenage girls trying to find a place. It's natural.

"Well," she starts, "I think it's different for everybody. And I think it varies on the person, too. But... when I was falling in love with him, it was very, very fast. I think it was almost forced, in a way. The more that I think about it, the more I realize how fake it was, so... I don't know if I'm the right person to ask about this. I'm sorry,"

Romelle doesn't look disappointed, or confused, or anything. She softly frowns, and rubs her hand up Allura's arm.

(It's doesn't sting in the way Lotor felt when he would touch her. It's not intense, or scary, or anything. It's soft. It's like drinking the cold ice cream at the bottom of your cup once it's melted; sweet, silky, lingering.)

"I'm sorry 'llura. I won't bring it up again," her remorse is felt deeply around the room, and Allura almost can't stand it.

"No, no, don't worry. It's okay, I'm over it. I wish I could've answered your question better," Allura pulls Romelle's hands into hers, grasps them regardless of the lingering ache she feels in them (is it from the fight, or from something else?) and presses them close to her chest.

Romelle stares and stares and stares and stares.

They smile at each other.

-

A week passes, and Allura has been out of that stuffy hospital room for a few days now, back into the Garrison.

Romelle comes to stay with her in her designated room, and although Allura is surprised that she's still with her, she's glad that she won't have to spend any nights alone.

They still share a bed, for no good reason. Neither of them can really explain why they're doing it; maybe it's love.

-

The days and weeks pass along in a sort of blur, and Allura is growing closer to her teammates again.

Lance is significantly happier now, for a multitude of reasons.

(Allura always smiles at him when she sees him in the halls, holding hands with Keith, and she always gives a big, goofy thumbs up. It's sweet to see them together. He's wanted it for so long.)

The mice are exploring around the Garrison non-stop, constantly getting into silly mishaps that they squeak in earnest to her later.

And, Romelle, well, Allura can't even imagine not being with her.

She's just wonderful.

-

It hits her, suddenly.

"I'm falling for Romelle,"

(She whispers it to herself, not even realizing that she's said it out loud. It feels as if a weight lifted off her chest, a sudden angelic realization that she wishes she knew before, much, much before, so they could've been together throughout it all.)

(Quiznack, she's fallen hard.)

-

"Lance, do you mind if I ask you something?"

They're lounging together in the Garrison common area, snacking on some sort of salty Earth food and talking about nothing. Lance is absolutely glowing these days, and it's not just from the skin routine he's been able to keep up with. Allura is unbelievably happy for him.

"Yeah princess, anything. I'm an open book you know!"

"Well... how do you know if somebody... likes you,"

"Uh, like in a friend way or a date you way?"

"The romantic way? Is that what the date way is? Because it's that,"

"Oh Allura, do you like someone? Is that what it is?" He says it teasingly, but he's obviously intruiged. He's not sure as to who Allura could like it seems, so she's thankful for that.

After giving him a short glare, he clears his throat and continues.

"Well, as a master of the ladies and the fellas, I'm pre-tty experienced in people liking me, so you've come to the right guy!"

She rolls her eyes.

"Okay okay, maybe not super experienced, but definitely more than anybody else here. Well... maybe not more than Shiro because everybody is like, in love with him. Anyways! Lemme see... well, usually there are a few signs somebody will give. Like, they'll be a bit more touchy than usual, maybe sitting closer to you or something,"

(Romelle running her hands up Allura's arms, for seemingly no real reason. Holding her hands to lead her places, forgetting to let go. Applying some sort of makeup onto her, her fingers lingering on her face throughout the entire experience.)

"...they'll look at you a lot! You know, just to stare at your beauty of whatever,"

(Romelle's eyes lingering on her always, hoping that Allura hasn't noticed her. She's noticed.)

"...they might, like, get you little things that remind them of you or something you did? Like this one time where I gave Keith this really cool rock we found on that fire planet we went to, literally for no reason except for the fact that I was obliviously head over heels for him, haha,"

(Romelle softly giggling as she gives Allura some Earth trinket called a 'friendship bracelet'. "Hunk taught me how to make them, see?" She had lifted up her delicate wrist to show off her yellow-lavender-orange friendship bracelet. The one Allura had gotten was pink and lavender.)

"...oh, and compliments! They'll tell you cute things a lot, but like, not super obvious things. Maybe something like about your smile?"

("Allura, did you know that your hair is just so lovely? I'm so jealous of it, it's such a pretty colour...")

Lance finishes quickly after that, and Allura is stupidly going over everything in her head with glee.

"Lance, I," she starts, slightly overwhelmed, "thank you! I have to go speak with someone really quick, excuse me," and with that, she's off to find Romelle, wherever she is.

-

Allura finds her sitting on a balcony, looking at the sunset. It's pink and lavender tonight.

"Elle!"

Romelle turns around quickly, a smile instantly appearing on her face, her cheeks rosy and her eyes sparkling. She's so beautiful.

"Yes?"

"I think I have to tell you something; is that alright?"

Romelle nods, and it's almost as if she knows already, as if she's inside of Allura's mind and can predict exactly what's about to happen.

(She's not inside of her mind, she's nestled deep within her heart instead.)

"Romelle... you asked me a bit ago what it's like to fall in love with somebody... and I think I know now,"

There's a glint in those light eyes, and Allura is so, so hopeful.

"Really? Because I think I already have my answer. And she's right here in front of me,"

They both grin like little schoolgirls. The ambiance around them is so unbelievably happy, and they're both drinking it up. They're magnets, undeniably attracted to one another, longing to be close, always.

Romelle gets up. Her long, soft hair is left untouched, flowing around her and slightly tousled by the breeze. Allura wants to run her hands through it, wants to watch it fold over her shoulders and, and,

She really just wants to kiss her.

"Romelle... I think it's a bit obvious now, but, I've fallen for you," it's practically a whisper, but they're close enough to eachother that they can both hear it, loud and clear.

"Well, I guess I'll just have to catch you,"

And suddenly, they've fallen into eachother, and it more natural than anything else they've ever felt.

The moment the gap is closed between them, neither of them can keep from smiling, from touching eachother all over, from just being happy, dumb teenagers in love.

-

An old world may have ended long, long ago, but the space dust has gathered from its explosion, allowing for a new one to begin.

There's no ache this time; it's just two girls watching it form, their hands holding one another's.

And it's so, so soft.

Notes:

psst... Harold they're LESBIANS