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TEXT TRANSCRIPT OF THE ALL OF THE IMAGES ABOVE FOLLOWS:
Image of text conversation appearing on Heath’s mobile phone, between Heath and a contact named The Actual King Arthur! that contains:
Arthur: “Heath, I require your assistance”
Heath: “Absolutely, sire! How can I help?
Arthur: “I need a gift suggestion. For Merlin. To celebrate an occasion.”
Arthur: “A relationship occasion.”
Heath: “BLOODY HELL DID YOU PROPOSE??”
Heath: “OMGWTF#%@#!!!!!!!”
Arthur: “Heath…”
Heath: !!!!!!!!!!!!
Heath: I’m assuming he said YES right??? I mean of course he did!
Arthur: “Of course.”
Heath: “HA! Yeah I bet he did!”
Heath: “Congratulations!”
Arthur: “The gift, Heath?”
Heath: “Yeah, right, absolutely. I know the PERFECT thing.”
Arthur: “Not a word to him, mind you.”
Heath: “Absolutely not, sire!”
***
Image of text conversation appearing on Merlin’s mobile phone, between Merlin and a contact named Danyl Bowen that contains:
Danyl: “OH MY GOD MERLIN CONGRATULATIONS!!”
Merlin: “Thank you, Danyl.”
Danyl: “:) !!!!!”
Danyl: “Who asked who? How did it happen? DID YOU SET A DATE???”
Danyl: “PLEASE INVITE US TO THE WEDDING!!!”
Danyl: “Heath is running around the manor going mental, thinking that you’ll get married in Italy!”
Merlin: “It won’t be until we return home. I’ll tell Heath to calm down.”
***
Image of text conversation appearing on Merlin’s mobile phone, between Merlin and a contact named Heath Abbernathy that contains:
Merlin: “Stop driving Danyl round the bend. We’re having the ceremony at home.”
Heath: “ENGLAND WOULD FALL IF KING ARTHUR AND MERLIN MARRIED ANYWHERE ELSE!!!”
Heath: “Also congratulations!!”
Heath: “Long live the king and… the other king?”
Merlin: “NO”
Heath: “Queen then?”
Merlin: “Heath…”
Heath: “You actually are a bit of a queen sometimes.
Merlin: “WHAT”
***
Image of text conversation appearing on Heath’s mobile phone, between Heath and a contact named Danyl My Love that contains:
Heath: “What should u call a bloke if he’s the husband of the king?”
Danyl: “You’re seriously texting me from the other side of the manor, Heath?”
Heath: “I’m in the loo. Now come on, what is it? Merlin doesn’t like ‘Queen’, though I’m trying to talk him round.”
Danyl: “You’d better leave off before he turns you into a goat…”
Heath: “Oh come on. What can he do? He’s in ITALY.”
Heath: “Ha! Just told him he looks like Freddie Mercury anyway. QUEEN, get it? Perfect for him!”
***
Image of text conversation appearing on Heath’s mobile phone, between Heath and a contact named The Actual King Arthur! that contains:
Arthur: “So. Heath. The suggestion?”
Heath: “Right, just finding it now.”
Heath: “Here you go: www.amazon.co.uk/gay-kama-sutra/ebook/download”
Arthur: “Is that a code?”
Heath: “No, you just need to click on the I SEE A LITTLE SILHOUETTO OF A MAN.”
Arthur: “Pardon?”
Heath: “SCARAMOUCH SCARAMOUCH WILL YOU DO THE FANDANGO”
Arthur: “???”
***
Image of text conversation appearing on Merlin’s mobile phone, between Merlin and a contact named Heath Abbernathy that contains:
Heath: “THUNDERBOLT AND LIGHTNING VERY VERY FRIGHTENING ME”
Merlin: “Oh hello there, Heath! And how are we feeling?”
Heath: “GALILEO GALILEO”
Merlin: “Really? How wonderful.”
Heath: “GALILEO FIGARO”
Merlin: “I’ll leave you to it then.”
Heath: “MAGNIFICOOOOOOOOO!!”
Merlin: “ >;) “
***
Image of text conversation appearing on Merlin’s mobile phone, between Merlin and a contact named Royal Prat that contains:
Arthur: “Merlin.”
Merlin: “Arthur.”
Arthur: “I think your translation spell has stopped working.”
Merlin: “I think you’ve been talking to Heath.”
Arthur: “How did you know?”
Merlin: “The spell is perfectly fine, don’t worry.”
Merlin: “Heath will be fine too.”
Arthur: “Heath?”
Arthur: “What did you do to him?”
***
Image of text conversation appearing on Merlin’s mobile phone, between Merlin and a contact named Danyl Bowen that contains:
Danyl: “Merlin?”
Merlin: “Yes, Danyl?”
Danyl: “Do you may know why Heath can’t stop singing Bohemian Rhapsody?”
Merlin: “Can’t he? How odd…”
Danyl: “He’s standing on the cafe counter right now, singing into an eclair.”
Merlin: “Really. Well. When he’s done, tell him that the non-noble husband of a king is a CONSORT.”
Danyl: “I can tell him now, okay?”
Danyl: “Merlin?”
Danyl: “Right. So. Sorry about this, but…”
***
Image of text conversation appearing on Eleanor Godwyn’s older mobile phone, between Eleanor and a contact named Emrys/Merlin that contains:
Eleanor: “MERLIN EMRYS HUNITHSON!!”
Merlin: “Hello Eleanor! I’m guessing you heard the news?”
Eleanor: “What I’m hearing is Heath Abbernathy singing at the top of his lungs for the past half hour.”
Merlin: “It’s his own fault.”
Eleanor: “I don’t care whose fault it is — it’s scaring away my customers! Now you un-magic him right now or so help me!”
Eleanor: “That’s better. Good lad.”
Eleanor: “Now that’s settled…”
Eleanor: “I want to tell you how utterly overjoyed I am for you and Our Most Royal Highness King Arthur. There aren’t words to express my joy, or my love, or my best wishes to you bot.”
Eleanor: “Now get back to your holiday. You’ve both more than deserved it.”
Merlin: “Yes, Eleanor. ;) “
Eleanor: “And stop making mischief!”
Merlin: “Heath started it.”
Eleanor: “Well I’m ending it.”
Merlin: “Stubborn old woman.”
Eleanor: “Obstinate old man.”
Merlin: “ :) “
Eleanor: “ :) “
***
Image of text conversation appearing on Merlin’s mobile phone, between Merlin and a contact named Heath Abbernathy that contains:
Heath: “That was NOT COOL!”
Merlin: “So where were we again? Ah yes. What do you call a man who marries a king?”
Heath: “ARSEHOLE in this case.”
Merlin: “Are you sure?”
Heath: “GALILEO GALILEO”
Heath: “ALL RIGHT! All right! It’s consort! Bloody hell!”
Merlin: “See how easy that was?”
Heath: “Now I wish I hadn’t given Arthur that great gift suggestion!”
Merlin: “Wait, what?”
Heath: “Nothing! Nothing!”
***
Image of text conversation appearing on Merlin’s mobile phone, between Merlin and a contact named Royal Prat that contains:
Merlin: “Hey, Arthur?”
Arthur: “I’m on my way back to the house. Suzanna wanted to give us more wine to celebrate.”
Merlin: “That’s great. Yeah. But hey, what did you and Heath talk about?”
Arthur: “Just our news. Why?”
Merlin: “It’s just… You don’t need to get me anything. Anything else, I mean.”
Arthur: “Gods’ sakes. I told him not to mention it.”
Arthur: “Anyway, I have no idea what he intended.”
Merlin: “Why? What did he suggest?”
Arthur: “He sent this nonsense:”
Arthur: [in blue text] “www.amazon.co.uk/gay-kama-sutra/ebook/download”
Arthur: “Oh wait… It just turned blue. Is it a hyperlink?”
Merlin: “You may want to wait until you walk back to the house to find out.”
Merlin: “Arthur?”
Merlin: “Arthur…”
Arthur: “I’M ALMOST TO THE HOUSE NOW.”
Merlin: “And you’re texting why?”
Arthur: “TO GIVE YOU ENOUGH TIME TO UNDRESS BEFORE I GET THERE.”
Merlin: “Yes, SIRE! ;) “
Arthur: “We’ll start with page 12, and work our way forward through the book.”
Merlin: “How many pages are there?”
Arthur: “TWO HUNDRED TWELVE.”
Merlin: “Gods above…”
Merlin: “GET IN THIS HOUSE.”
Arthur: “COMING IN THE FRONT DOOR NOW…”
***
Image of a text conversation appearing on Heath’s mobile phone, between Heath and a contact named FREDDIE MERCURY that contains:
Merlin: “Hey Heath?”
Heath: “Bloody hell, Merlin, don’t you know what time it is?”
Merlin: “It’s page twenty five. :) :) “
Heath: “What?”
Merlin: “Never mind. Look, I just wanted to apologize. For taking the piss, I mean.”
Heath: “Yeah, well, don’t apologize too fast. Not until you see how I redecorated the Tower to look like a 70s Glam Rock disco.”
Merlin: “WHAT?”
Heath: “You’re so easy, I swear, Merlin. How old did you say you are again?”
Merlin: “Gods above, you are JUST like your grandmother. And your great-great grandfather. And every other Abbernathy come to think of it!”
Heath: “Yeah, well, you love us, don’t you.”
Merlin: “Shut up and go back to sleep.”
Heath: “Grandpa Merlin.”
Merlin: “Forget I even texted.”
Heath: “We will we will rock you! Come on, Merlin! Let’s sing all night!”
Merlin: “Heath…”
Heath: “We will we will ROCK YOU! ;) “
***
Image of a text conversation appearing on Heath’s mobile phone, between Heath and a contact named The Actual King Arthur! that contains:
Arthur: “Heath?”
Heath: “Yes, sire?”
Arthur: “Go to sleep.”
Heath: “Yes, sire.”
Arthur: “Merlin says good night.”
Heath: “Tell Freddie Mercury I said good night right back.”
Arthur: “For your sake I shall reword that.”
Arthur: “And tomorrow I shall tell you about the man Merlin recently turned into a pig.”
Heath: “Oh very funny.”
Heath: “Wait. You’re joking, right?”
Heath: “Right??”
Arthur: “Good night, Heath.”
Heath: “Bloody hell the two of you are terrifying.”
Arthur: “ :) “
**********************
I hope you enjoyed this little piece of fluff. I giggled myself silly making it. I hope you did the same reading it.
Note: Author is not responsible for Bohemian Rhapsody getting stuck in your head. That's the wonderful Freddie Mercury's fault, bless his soul.