Chapter Text
Stan Pines generally didn't hold to all the weirdness that seemed to be as common as the weather in Gravity Falls. Yet here he was, steeped in it again, up to his neck.
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His brother had managed to crash a tourist driver into the house at the beginning of the summer. The girl, Dajan, had been a panicked mess. The brothers had quickly offered to repair the car and put her up until that was done. Stanley hadn't expected her to say yes to two strange old men in the middle of the woods. But she had, Mabel’s enthusiasm paving the way.
One thing had led to another, and his brother and the kid had grown close. Stan couldn't blame him; she was cute as a button and seemed to find him fascinating. If she'd been a bit more of a gearhead, he might’ve made a pass at her himself.
Ford had managed to screw it up; if Stan were being fair, he had to admit his brother’s paranoia was not entirely unfounded. His past was full of weird things that might come back to bite him. Danger could show up and take a swipe at Ford or anyone near him.
The girl had turned out to be just about perfect under the circumstances. She'd stepped up, more than proved herself, and at a high cost. It had taken Ford, plus some friendly magic help, to solve the problem Dajan’s well-intended gesture had caused.
Only one night before, he'd have thought all was lost and his brother broken beyond repair. But more magic and weirdness saved the day. The kid was recovering, and Ford, completely smitten, was not leaving her side.
Now, though, Stan was following eagerly behind a young woman less than half his age… Correction, less than half his actual age. He was physically thirty again, thanks once again to magic and weirdness.
The young woman was named Khrys, and called herself the elder cousin of Ford’s new paramour. Dajan was kinda low wattage weird. Khrys radiated it like sunlight. Dajan said she was around half human, give or take. If there was any human in her, Khrys was not telling how much. Stanley suspected she was less human than Dajan by the way people reacted around her, including Stanley himself.
He wasn't even what Ford described as sensitive, but he could feel her like a tingle under his skin, even when he wasn't touching her. He knew, in the logical part of his brain that eschewed weirdness that this was unnatural and potentially dangerous. The romantic part of his brain he normally kept under wraps cared less about the magical danger she posed and more about whether he could resist falling for her.
Khrys seemed aware of his roiling thoughts, or was just that perceptive. “Stanley. Listen. I'm not gonna make you do anything you don't want to. You undertook a genuine quest for my baby cousin. This is a thank you, not a trap.”
“You find yourself uncomfortable, say stop. I'll take you home on the spot. That work for you?”
Stanley considered her words. His entire life in the pursuit of money had led him to crime and con artistry.. He knew scores of clever, sneaky and underhanded ways of phrasing a trap like an innocuous agreement. He knew already Khrys was a gorgeous, hard-to-ignore or resist distraction. To pretty much everyone except Dajan. He was silent in thought until she pointedly cleared her throat.
“All right, kid,” Stan growled. It was hard to concentrate when looking directly at her. “Long as I get to call it off anytime. Let's go to Never Never land or wherever.”
Khrys laughed and it was like -- Stan had to shake his head to not start counting off poetic mush in his head like some stricken sot of a seventeen year old. He hoped there was a point at which he'd get used to it. It was a lot of work focusing past whatever she was giving off.
“Not Never land. More like a really good, Hollywood style facsimile. Didn't Daj tell you we can't get into the real Arcadia?” She took his hand, and made a balletic leap into the mushroom ring she'd led him to, yanking him along after.
There was a sparkle of light, like aluminum foil being bounced through shaken seltzer and glitter. When Stan’s vision cleared, it was as if he'd walked into an excellent production of Camelot.
“This is Pyritevale,” she said, smirking. “Home away from home. Come on, I'll show you around.” It looked like a renfaire village, only less fake. Stan couldn't decide if he was impressed or disappointed, given it was so medieval he wasn't sure he could swipe anything he could sell or put in the shack.
Khrys twirled past a tree. When she came out the other side, her human glamour was gone, leaving her in her preferred form. “Hot Elf” as Mabel called it. Swell , Stan thought. Khrys was captivating enough in her mostly-human guise. Her true form was like turning that up to 11. Women. Bad enough when they’re human. Supernaturally hot ones are even worse. It’s a good thing she’s a superior snob so I have a reason to find her annoying.
“We’re gonna get the run of the whole town. The best suite in the inn. All the shops. You’re a celebrity. Admired and not notorious.” She snapped her fingers, and in a shimmer, Stan’s suit became lightweight summer pants and a Hawaiian shirt.
“Okay. I’ll admit that does sound like a nice change o’ pace,” Stan felt the goofy smile starting again but held it back to just the sort of smile he gave when Mabel did something nice for him. “You do this for alla yer cousin’s friends?”
Khrys threw an arm around Stan’s shoulders, and shook her head. “No. Only for above and beyond. Which you and your brother went. People do that in song and story, but not for people like us.” She looked solemn for all of a second before putting that megawatt smile back on. She stopped before a sign of quail in flight. “This is our best restaurant. Order what you want, as much as you want.”
The room was enormous with a huge fireplace taking up its entire back wall. There was a pig turning on a spit. A sizeable leg of mutton. And the air filled with savory aromas. Stan’s eyes got wide. “Okay. Now yer talkin’.”
Dinner was like a montage from an old film. Stan sat and ordered whatever he wanted, and they. Just. Kept. Bringing. It! Memories of being young, hungry and barely being able to panhandle enough for a sandwich off a fast food dollar menu were smothered in Stan completely gorging himself. Even memories of the hungry days shortly after his arrival in Gravity Falls were sent to his backbrain and washed down with the most potent and excellent beer he'd ever had the pleasure to taste. Legends warned that eating faerie food might leave him starving and unable to enjoy anything else. ...but Stan thought it might just be worth it.
Khrys, for her part nibbled. One bite for every five of Stan’s, and she simply sat draped artfully over the chair and answered any of Stan’s questions. “It's not the food you were raised to worry about. Too many of us are too human to pull that trick off… or don't wanna spend the magic on one dude. Plus, if we hold you against your will? We have to keep spending magic on you. If we treat you right, and let you come and go as you like, you're not likely to out us because you'd lose your good thing if science came and carted us off to labs. Besides. This is our tourist trap. We want people to go home and tell friends to come.”
“Pretty cynical,” Stan admitted, as a lemon souffle was placed before him. “Trust me, I know cynical. And you're right. Too good to share. Your secret is safe with me.”
“Good to know,” Khrys gave him a slow nod. “Glad to hear I've not judged you wrong.” She gave him another of those kilowatt smiles that made something in his chest go softer. “So. How you figure on burning off those calories?”
Stan stopped with a spoonful of soufflé halfway to his mouth. “You propositioning me, kid?”
“If you think you're up to it, old duffer.”
Stan waggled his brows. “Oh, yer on, girlie. Just ‘cause there's snow on the roof don't mean there's no fire in the fireplace.” He permitted himself a mild grimace. The hair wasn't grey anymore.
“Good. Let's see what you got.” Khrys rose from the table, scooping up a dollop of soufflé with her fingers and sucking it off them. She then sauntered her way to the elevator, heads turning to follow her all the way. Stan followed at a brisk clip, secretly savoring the envious looks he was getting.