Chapter Text
--Tanzaku--
Long, narrow strips of colorful paper that are hung from bamboo branches. Before they are hung, tanzaku are inscribed with a wish.
Rey sat in front of a large wooden contraption full of webbed strings in white, grey, and tan that crossed over and under each other. Her nimble fingers moved the contraption forward and back, one line at a time.
Clack! Clack! Rey breathed in and out with the rhythm.
Clack! Breath in. Clack! Breath out. She could almost close her eyes and remember the feeling of the Force thrumming through her with the same pulse. From her lips sprung the village woman’s weaver song:
“ Bamboo leaves are rustling, rustling
Swaying close to the roof’s edge
Oh how the stars are twinkling, twinkling
Gold and silver grains of sand .”
Rey sang, words clacking and lilting in time with her hands, she and the loom moving as one machine, one breath, one song. She imagined what the cloth would look like when it was finished, stripes of colors bound together. She could see how the cloth would further be cut and sewn to make a fine shirt.
It was her first time making a shirt for Ben without the help of Jiknyeo or Jen. It had been Ben’s first time shearing the tomuon and carding the wool for her. Rey imagined how nice they would look, dressed in something they had worked so hard on together.
A touch as soft as a brush of a carrier butterfly ran over the back of Rey’s neck, lush lips that sighed over her skin.
“It’s coming along well,” Ben said in a crooning whisper, his lips settling just under her ear. Rey’s hands refused to stop moving, but she heard Ben clearly. She tilted her head back and met his lips with her own, a kiss in rhythm with her own breath, with the clack of the loom. Ben retreated, kissing her cheek once more.
“I’ve always wanted to see you in lighter colors,” Rey responded, still in time with her work. Ben scoffed behind her.
“Just so it can come back covered in dirt?”
“I don’t care. I’ll be the one washing it,” Rey joked before hearing the door close again as Ben likely went to grab another round of the newly harvested ghoba rice from their share of the village field.
Ben and Rey were tireless workers, as they always had been.
When they first came to the small, remote planet of Aquila, Ben thought it was too dangerous to be around others. They had brought little with them when they came here, escaping the fallout of the war after Snoke fell. The people of Aquila -- and perhaps the entire Thrasybule system -- cared little about the galaxy’s wars. The people saw little of them.
They tried living on their own -- miserably -- until Rey decided she was too tired of being unable to do anything. She went to the elders of the nearest village, Jen and Rea, and asked if she could assist them in any way.
Ben stayed back while Rey studied and immersed herself in the small village of Qixi. She determined it would be far less obvious for them to act as part of the village rather than to be the obvious outsiders. Rey had never been part of a community and was as wary as Ben, but her practicality won out.
The house they were given was a wedding gift, as was custom. It was a sign they were part of the small community. It wasn’t very large; there was a room where Ben and Rey could work during the day, a bathroom, a bedroom that also functioned as a living and dining room, and a kitchen. But it was all theirs.
Here, Ben and Rey had been able to leave old titles behind: Kylo Ren, the last Jedi, Force sensitive, important, special. They could happily be no one here.
Rey loved how Ben’s hair looked in the traditional braids that men of Qixi wore once it started growing out.
They both learned how to braid together from Rea, learning to pull the three slim fibers into one. Rey loved how they both took a few minutes each morning to pull each other's hair into the braids, a few moments of respite before a busy day. She loved feeling Ben’s large fingers combing through her hair.
Ben had taken a bit longer to learn the art and Rey had often caught him practicing with spare yarn, his expression one of a man defusing a bomb.
But Ben was the kind of man who never did anything by half-measures.
It was rough, more so for Ben than for Rey at first.
One night, as they had lain on their pallet, Rey woke to Ben staring blankly at the ceiling.
“I want to know more than killing. I want to learn to bring life,” Ben said with a haunted tone.
Rey could only guess the horrors of his nightmares as he thrashed at night.
Sometimes he would scream out his atrocities. Ben had taken to gagging himself at night so he wouldn’t reveal their identities. One night he almost broke Rey’s arm as she tried to wake him. He started tying his legs and arms to pegs he nailed to the floor.
It seemed like every night he would apologize as if it had just happened. “I’m so sorry about your arm,” he’d said as he bound his own wrists, a silent promise never to hurt her again.
Ben refused to even spar with her, instead working in the fields and watching herds until he could barely walk. He did anything the village elders asked, especially Jen and Rea, who had initially invited them into Qixi.
Rey, who knew hard continual labor, flourished here. Ben was… Ben, easily frustrated and slightly melodramatic over disagreements with others in the village.
She once found him making a dent in a tree as he murmured. “Of course I can smile. I am not some ‘golem’ or whatever the kriff they were talking about! Absolutely ridiculous!” he muttered into the tree. Rey moved to stand behind him, barely holding back laughter. Once he was calm enough she spoke. She had heard some of the men speaking about the creature Ben spoke of once, some lifeless being of dirt brought to life.
“I’ve never seen you smile. Not really,” she managed to say with a straight face. Ben whirled around, looking positively beastly. He looked like he wanted to scream in frustration, but he swallowed it down and dropped bloodied fists to his sides.
“Don’t you dare laugh at me too,” he said with a pout, looking more like a young boy than the hulking man he was.
Rey bit her lip to contain herself and pulled him into an embrace instead. She let herself grin madly into the fabric that smelled like turned earth and cut stems -- that smelled like home. Ben’s crushing embrace spoke of his inexperience. Or perhaps Rey’s light touch spoke more of hers.
This harvest season Ben had been given a great honor. At this year’s Weaver’s festival he was chosen to play the role of Kengyu, the herder who took a goddess for a wife. In turn, Rey was to play Sasanagi, the weaver goddess.
For one week they would be separated, then brought together again on the seventh day. Their grief in parting and their happiness in reunion would bring the village luck. A sacrifice of love to ease the pain of the seperated heavenly lovers.
Ben had, at first, tried to reject the “honor,” terrified of the attention it would bring them. His trepidation was easily overruled by Rey.
“It’s a tradition of all newlywed couples. It would only bring attention if we refused. They’ll let you sleep here, and I’ll stay with Jen, Jiknyeo, and Zhinü.”
“I don’t know if I can take it,” he responded quickly. And after a night of very Ben-like sulking he came around. He no longer had the energy to be full of rage as he once was, and he refused to show show any sign of Kylo Ren that others might recognize.
The next night the men of the village came to Ben and Rey’s small house. Rey was dressed in the many layered robes of Sasanagi, the goddess she would play for the next seven days.
She quietly ascended a pallet which the men carried, with Ben walking beside her, and they made their way to the river which bisected the village. All around them were long streamers floating in the breeze and lanterns along the path. Women and children waited on the other side of a small bridge singing and playing small drums.
“ Bamboo leaves are rustling, rustling
Swaying close to the roof’s edge
Oh how the stars are twinkling, twinkling
Gold and silver grains of sand .”
Rea, playing the role of the Sky God and Sasanagi’s father, stood before Ben and Rey, stopping the procession. The platform was lowered and the two were allowed a single kiss before Rey was carried across the bridge to the other ‘sky goddesses’.
The men joined the singing as they walked back with Ben.
“The colorful paper strips
I have already written
The stars are twinkling, twinkling
They watch us from Heaven.”
For the next seven days Rey would not be allowed to walk on bare ground, for she was a goddess.
For the next seven days Ben would work tirelessly, alone without her there.
--- One month later---
They knew somehow that they would be found.
Someone must have recognized them at some point.
Ben blamed himself.
They considered going back into hiding, especially before Jen and Rea found out -- before Aquila got pulled into their mess.
Ben was tired of running and hiding.
Rey started having nightmares, and Ben unbound his hands at night so he could hold her. Only he could make the horrible visions go away.
It was Finn that came to them in the end and somehow convinced them to fight against the remnants of the First Order.
Rey didn’t want to see her husband suffer anymore.
Rey was sitting under the tree with the dented bark when Ben found her. She refused to look at him, instead looking out to the farms beyond. She still didn’t want to leave, though duty compelled her.
“If I do this-- If we do this, the nightmares could go away... for both of us, “ Ben said, sitting beside her and pulling her against him. He was trembling. He spoke as if he could convince himself.
“Maybe I could make up for a fraction of the damage--” he started.
“And then they will take you away!” Rey spat out, cutting him off. She still refused to look at him, as if the warmth of him would disappear the moment she did. Finn appeared at the back door of their small house.
“The New Republic has promised a pardon for all of Kylo Ren’s crimes, as I said,” Finn reminded them with exhaustion in his voice. He kept his distance as he had any time Ben was around.
It was the way all would react to him once again the moment they left the planet. Every place they went there were whispers of “Kylo Ren” whenever Ben passed. No matter how tirelessly he made himself fight, even losing an arm in the process, no matter how much he helped break the empire he built -- it was never enough.
Empty promises unraveled before Ben and Rey.
Ben blamed himself for not doing enough.
Rey just wanted Ben’s nightmares to die with his past.
They came in the night, while Rey and Ben slept. Rey was grabbed and harshly held back as they dragged Ben from the bed and cuffed him. He didn’t fight back. He didn’t speak a word of complaint even as Rey screamed and fought.
Ben was tired of fighting.
Rey was terrified they would kill him.
Rey didn’t regret the men she killed that night. She didn’t regret the sobs that tore through her body as they pried her away from Ben’s prone form.
“It’s okay, Rey,” he told her, his voice calm and steady.
“Be strong for me,” his voice cracked, and Rey shattered at the sound of it. She exploded, and the shrapnel of her anger left no man unscathed that terrible night.
The proceeding trial was reported as surprisingly fair by the special council who ran it. Ben Solo, formally known as Kylo Ren would live in permanent exile.
One day, after Rey had attempted to enter the prison she was greeted by the head of the council himself. Tentei,a tall brooding man with piercing beady eyes was swathed in the flowing robes of his position. Towering over Rey he spoke to her in a tone of warning and pity.
“You stay away from him, and all of this unless you want to be thrown in your own cell.”
Rey retreated to the small ship she had brought from Aquila. On it was a smaller, modified version of her loom. She had been given half a cargo hold worth of thread to work with as a gift from Qixi. She refused to speak with anyone and sat in defiant silence, weaving yards of fabric.
She had no one; all were betrayers, promise-breakers, and enemies.
Except Rose. At first, Finn sent her to bring food rations for Rey. She would sit next to Rey for hours on end, quiet and patient.
“No matter what vitriol Tentei spouts, I know Ben Solo. He dove in front of me to protect me from a bomb, and lost his arm. I owe him my life. All of us who fought with him do.”
“That was you?” Rey asked quietly finally breaking her silence, able to feel the ghost of metal fingers tracing her arms. This seemed to be enough to prompt Rose to start speaking about small things: what she liked, how amazing her sister Paige was, how terrible and unfair she thought this whole affair was.
A week later Rose asked, “Maybe you could teach me how to weave?”
Rey’s resolve began to fray at the possibility of companionship.
“Sit here,” Rey said, quickly standing, her tone demanding and cold. But Rose did what she asked, and the lessons began. Rey only spoke as needed, but Rose told what she knew of the trial and what she had been able to see of Ben.
Rey poured out her anger in a tangle of stories of what had been promised, the peaceful life they could have led, and her newer, more terrifying nightmares.
Rose became Rey’s eyes and ears, and in turn, Rey taught her everything she knew.
One day while Rey taught Rose to set the loom Rose said,
“I got wind of a rumor yesterday. Tentei had a daughter who died under -- unfortunate circumstances during a First Order raid, back when Ben was still with them. Finn heard that’s why he forced his way to the head of the council, to avenge his daughter’s death. Tentei denies it, of course.”
“Isn’t that a conflict of interest?”
“We can’t prove anything. I can look into it, though.”
In the next few months, Rose helped convince the council to let Rey visit Ben during his exile and to allow communication, even with Tentei fighting her every step of the way. She had become even more fierce and unrelenting under Rey’s tutelage. And Rey had learned to soften herself in order to let things move as smoothly as they could from here.
And it all led to Rey being able to see Ben before he was taken to his exile.
It had been half a cycle since the night they took Ben from her. Today, she had finally been allowed special access to the prison where he had been kept. It was surprising to see a vision of the past before her. He was clad once more in his old black robes. The braids he had once worn had been shorn off, rather harshly it seemed from the angle of the shortened waves of hair that fell around his neck.
Ben sat on a low bed facing the wall in front of him, decidedly not looking at her.
“They refused to give me anything else to wear. I know how much you hate the darker colors,” he said, robotic fingers moving to run through his hair. He had lost that arm fighting for the people that now imprisoned him. Rey felt rage coursing through her at the thought, but she swallowed it down and sat down next to her husband. She laid down a small package wrapped in coarse fabric beside her on the bed.
Their hands laced together.
“Did the nightmares ever go away?” she asked stiffly, trying to be strong. She watched his face contort in pain, the circles beneath his eyes looking darker than ever. He turned to look at the tangle of sheets tied to the edge of the bed and shook his head.
“Nothing ever truly goes away, does it?”
“No,” Rey replied, her hand gripping tighter onto his. He felt so cold. Any color he had gained on Aquila had faded, and it was hard not to see the man he once was. And it seemed the council had wanted for all to see that.
But Rey had lost the fear of that man long ago.
“Do you know where they are taking you?” Rey asked gingerly.
“Some lonely, dark, and desolate place, I am sure,” There was a careful absence of emotion as Ben spoke, Rey only able to note how weary he sounded.
“You think they will actually let us visit once a cycle?” Rey felt herself more pondering aloud than asking. She felt weary of all this -- the not knowing, the cycles of agreements and broken promises.
Ben shifted beside her, moving to get off the bed. He knelt down before Rey and met her gaze. Rey stood in surprise, taking Ben’s hand and trying to pull him to rise.
“What are you doing?” she asked, but Ben only pulled her hand towards his lips. He took a deep breath and spoke.
“Rey, I want to swear to you that we will never truly be parted. A promise I swear by the Jedi, the Sith, the Force, a destiny which has interwoven our lives so tightly no distance will ever truly loosen our bond,” Ben vowed holding Rey’s hand, the durasteel coating of his robotic arm unnaturally warm against her skin.
It must have been a well-rehearsed speech, for his tone was clear and convincing. Rey could see his mother’s ability to command a room in how he spoke, and a million other possible lives came to mind. How things could have been so different. But that was not their twist of fate.
The door opened then, and a group of armed men entered the room led by the head of the council. Tentei’s eyes met with Rey’s with a moment of sympathy as if seeing someone beyond her. Rey felt Ben flinch under her as the councilman’s eyes narrowed in disdain, looking down at Ben.
Ben refused to move, his lips pressed to Rey’s hand as he knelt before her.
Tentei stepped forward, a hand moving to claw onto Ben’s shoulder, making Ben flinch once more.
“It is time to go,” Tentei commanded, his long nails digging deep into Ben’s shoulder. Ben winced as blood soaked up through the fabric. Rey bit her lip as Ben looked up at her begging for her silence with unshed tears. Rey said nothing, grinding her teeth as the guards moved into a defensive position.
“Yes, it is,” Ben replied slowly standing, his hand gripping Rey’s tightly. He pulled Rey into one of his crushing embraces. She wrapped her arms around him as tight as she could. A shift of the guardsmen forced them to pull apart, and Rey quickly grabbed the package from the bed and shoved it into Ben’s hands. She glared at the councilman, daring him to say anything.
Tentei was mercifully silent.
Ben carefully pulled back the rough fabric to reveal white, grey, and tan stripes woven in intricate designs. He knew it was clothing Rey had made for him.
“They should last you about a cycle. Then I can give you a new set when I see you,” Rey said staring pointedly at the councilman once more. A smirk appeared at the corner of Ben’s lips at her boldness.
“I’ll try to not ruin them. I will see you in a cycle then,” Ben replied, quickly kissing Rey and taking a step towards the door. The councilman let out a breath Rey hadn’t noticed he was holding and followed behind the two former Force users. They silently walked hand in hand, surrounded by guards. Behind them, Tentei’s gaze seemed to burn into their backs.
They reached the ship that would transport Ben, and there Rey and Ben were forced to untwine themselves.
Rey stayed and watched until she couldn’t see a hint of the ship that carried her husband away from her.