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Kili was, as much as you’d suspect, a troubling sort of pregnancy.
When Dis had suspected she was with child, and subsequently had it confirmed thrice over with the midwives in the Blue Mountains, she’d been shocked and overwhelmed with joy. To be blessed with another so soon after her first was nothing short of a miracle and she treated the entire affair as such.
She awoke every morning with hands immediately searching over her middle, anxious for the first signs of movement, the first indications of her belly swelling with her new dwarfling. Though somewhat strange and even painful at times, she had enjoyed all the trials and tribulations that Fili had put her through the first time around. She even dared to say, despite the more grueling moments, that she missed the feeling of being so close to her son, having him inside her, as close to a heart as anyone could be. She had tried to duplicate the feeling, clutching him close to her bosom at every possible moment, but it was never truly the same.
So to say she was excited to experience it anew was a bit of an understatement.
Of course, she knew it would be another son the moment her pregnancy had been confirmed. The midwives had told her it was too soon to tell but she paid them no mind. Her heart sang to her a similar tune to what it had played when she was certain of Fili being male. Even her own husband and brother tried to tell her otherwise, bemused glances and teasing words thrown her way whenever she would speak to her as yet to be full belly about how he would grow to be a strong warrior like every other son of Durin.
She would bear another son, of that she was certain.
But time passed, the weeks stretched on into months, and as her belly grew, so did her worry. She had been keeping count by way of the calendar in her bed chambers, and as the twenty-first week came and went, her heart grew troubled. The babe in her stomach had only ever moved twice.
The first time had been a rather sharp and sudden thing, causing her to double over and grasp out for the kitchen table. Fili had run over immediately, had placed his small hands over her own at her stomach, and looked up at her with wide, terror stricken eyes.
“Amad are you alright?” he said as he gripped her fingers tightly.
And though her vision was blurred and there was a throbbing at her side, Dis had only smiled, painful as it was, because there had been the first proper moment of her child springing to life. Oh you are going to be a handful, aren’t you?
“Yes Fili, I’m alright. It’s just your brother making himself known.” She patted his head as she stood, the ache across her side subsiding, and blissfully went back to tidying. Fili had looked at her curiously, concern still etched on his tiny features, but made no comment as he resigned himself to playing with his toys again.
If Dis noticed that he kept closer to her than usual and threw a constant glance her way, she said nothing of it.
The second time had been just two weeks after, whilst her and Fili were having a rather difficult time agreeing on whether or not he truly needed a bath. Fili insisted that he was not dirty, that it was normal for every dwarf to have a little muck here and there.
Dis did not agree.
He was covered head to toe in mud and grass and she would have none of it trod into her clean home. He fought her tooth and nail as she dragged him to the bath, tears streaming down his dirt-ridden face the whole way. As he cried out at the injustice of it all, Dis was almost brought to her knees by the sudden succession of kicks and jabs from inside her. She immediately let go of Fili’s arm, bringing both hands to her middle as she staggered to lean against the wall. Her breath came ragged and short as the pain ricocheted from her belly to her back, to the very tips of her fingers and toes.
“Mahal save me he is a strong one.” She laughed, a broken sound, hands running over her stomach to soothe the pain rippling through her in waves. “It seems to me your brother is already quite the ally in waiting.”
She let a few moments pass, not wanting to move lest her son decide to render her immobile again. When she was certain that he had calmed, she turned to Fili who had stood by silent, watching her with an agonized look in his eyes, hands wringing the hem of his filthy tunic. She reached out for him and he came closer, bringing his arms - carefully - as far around her as they could go.
“Why does my brother hurt you so much, mama?” he asked, soft and stilted into the fabric of her gown.
“He does not mean to hurt me darling,” she breathed in sharply through her nose as a small flicker of pain came and went. “Besides, you were much livelier if you can believe that!”
Fili looked up at her, shock painted all over his face. “I would never hurt you!”
She smiled warmly at him, “I know darling, but you were quite the little tumbler when I had you inside me. Why, some nights I couldn’t sleep from how much you demanded to be played with!” She brushed her fingers through his matted hair, cupped his face as she wiped at a particularly large spot of mud. “But you know what? Even through all of that pain and discomfort, I would smile because I could feel you alive and well inside of me.” She kissed the crown of his head. “Even if I do wish you would have been a little gentler sometimes.”
Fili said no more, had only given her a skeptical look, withdrawn to the face he made when he was thinking a particularly difficult thought. Thankfully, it made him much more pliable, and so was able to get him to the bath without further fuss, and with no more interruptions from her youngest inside her.
That had been seven weeks ago, and she hadn’t so much as felt a flutter of movement since then.
To say she was worried, almost on the verge of panic, was an understatement.
“Good morning little one,” she spoke reverently towards her now swollen belly, “Will today be the day? Can you say hello to your Amad?” Her hands roamed the taught fuzzy skin of her stomach, searching for any little nudge or poke. She was almost tempted to shake it, desperate she was in her attempts to bring her dwarfling to some semblance of consciousness. But with every minute that passed nothing happened, nothing changed, and she resigned to get up and get on with the days chores.
Later that afternoon, one of the midwives stopped in for a visit at her request. The midwife listened to her concerns, poked and prodded her for what seemed like an age, then simply told her not to worry. The child was perfectly healthy and though it was unusual indeed, it was not entirely rare and certainly not dismaying by any means. The midwife explained to her that there were times when the dwarfling just did not feel the need to jostle about, having found a rather comfortable spot that it simply did not want to move from. She also explained to her that other times, the dwarflings preferred to move at night when the mother was at rest, somehow sensing that it would be the best time to move without causing any sort of commotion or distress. She reminded her not to worry herself, that everything was fine and that she should pay it no mind; dwarves were a stubborn people after all.
Try as she might though, Dis could not keep herself from worrying, and as the days passed she began to lose sleep, hoping that if she were to stay awake she’d feel him move at some point in the middle of the night.
Her nights and days became consumed with the task of waking the sleeping dwarfling growing inside her.
She tried everything she could think of. Rubbed and rubbed herself nearly raw. Spoke softly with the most charming endearments and promises of all the spoils he’d be rewarded with if he moved just an inch. She even resorted to a sharp word or two, slipping into the stern voice she would use with Fili when he was being particularly difficult about something. But nothing worked of course.
There were days she would cry from the heartache of it. So terrified she was that she had done something wrong, that she was being punished by the gods themselves. She began to curse herself for ever thinking that she could be blessed again. She should have never gotten so greedy, she would tell herself, was she not satisfied enough with one for the time being?
And Fili, bless his beautiful heart, would come over and sit with her, tell her she shouldn’t cry, that everything would be alright. She hadn’t the heart to tell him the reason why she was so grief-ridden. If something were to happen…
No.
She didn’t want to put Fili through that. He didn’t need to know; he was much too young to understand.
Her husband and brother put up a brave face for her sake, she knew. The worry was there, noticeable in the eyes, but they only ever spoke of good things. Of the days when the babe in her belly would be full of so much life and energy that she’d pray to Mahal for just a moments peace. Those thoughts helped her through the nights, kept a smile in her heart because she knew it to be true. Her sons would drive her mad and she’d love every moment of it.
But until then, she would sit and pray and whisper nonsense to her swelling belly in the dark of the night, hoping someone was listening, whether it be the gods above or the child below inside her.
On her twenty-seventh week of gestation, Dis found out the reason why her son had become so still, and she could have kissed every inch of Mahal himself for the knowledge of it.
It was morning, and she was stood in the kitchen preparing breakfast for herself and Fili. One hand stirred the pot of broth - the scent of it soothing her constant fraying nerves - while the other laid across the top of her round belly, diligently at the ready for the first signs of her dwarfling rousing again.
Staring off and out the window, with shoulders visibly slumped, she sighed heavily; she was tired.
The slew of sleepless nights had taken their toll, evident in the dark circles under her eyes, and it took every ounce of her strength to get up each day. Even when she would try to sleep she could only do so in very small bursts; enough to keep her going but hardly enough to keep her feeling well and rested. She felt like she was in a daze every waking moment, just lumbering around her home like some sort of invalid. But the worst of it was, in those fleeting moments when she would succumb to the exhaustion and sleep - however brief it was - she was certain she could feel the tiniest of movements. A shifting here or there, or a kick or a small hand. She’d dream of hearing a voice and though she could make out none of the words, she could tell they were meant to be soothing, convinced herself it was her little bundle inside trying to calm her. She’d bring herself to consciousness as fast as possible, but as swiftly as the feeling was there it would be gone again, and her heart would sink deeper, her throat grow tighter.
It was altogether very frustrating to say the least.
Turning her head away from the window she mentally took stock of her pantry from where she stood and frowned. They were running low on almost everything, a fact that she had been well aware for quite some time, and was the reason as to why they had been having nothing but broth for almost two weeks. She had to go to the market, knew that it needed to be done and couldn’t be put off any longer, but just couldn’t bring herself to leave the house. To bear a smile through gritted teeth as all the other dwarrowdams flocked to her roundness with hands just as eager to feel a kick as she was. That was a thread of bravery that she didn’t have in her. A scrap of courage she couldn’t muster.
With another heavy sigh she reached up to scrub a hand over her face, patted her own bearded cheek in an attempt to keep herself alert. She pinched at the bridge of her nose, shut her eyes tight and rubbed at them fiercely before snapping them open as wide as she could. She clucked her tongue, irritated that her exhaustion wouldn’t abade for a single moment.
Before she realized it she had begun to nod off, only jerking awake at the sound of Fili’s voice drifting nearby. Turning, she found him sat at the table behind her, little blonde eyebrows bunched up at his forehead, a confused and alarmed look to him.
She forced a smile. “What was that darling? I’m sorry.”
He watched her cautiously before speaking. “I said if you were alright. You look very tired.” He frowned suddenly, “Is Kili still bothering you?”
Dis cocked her head, mirroring her sons earlier confused expression. “Who?”
“Kili,” he said, pointing a tiny finger in the direction of her stomach, “I keep telling him to stop bothering you because you need to rest, but he won’t listen!” he huffed, notably exasperated, as he hopped off of his seat to come over and stand in front of Dis, coming at eye level with her protruding belly.
She looked down over herself at his golden head, now thoroughly confused and intrigued, wondering what in the world he was going on about. “Fili, darling-”
But she was cut off as Fili lifted his small chubby hands to press up against her stomach as he spoke to it - or rather - to his little brother inside.
“Now Kili, what do I keep saying to you? Mama needs to rest! Stop kicking her! It doesn’t feel very nice; nobody likes to be kicked!” Dis watched, speechless, as her eldest continued, “We love mama very much and we wouldn’t want to do anything that would hurt her right? Perhaps it’s because you can’t see her from in there, but I promise you there is no reason to hit her. If you must move, please be careful and put everything back where it belongs, nadadith. I didn’t have anyone to tell me this when I was inside our Amad so I hurt her a lot,” at this, Fili paused, tiny fingers clutched at Dis’ dress as he looked up at her with a heavy guilt across his small round face, tears already beginning to well, threatening to fall. He hiccuped once, twice, and then began to quietly weep onto her stomach. “I’m so sorry mama, you know I didn’t mean it right? I promise - I promise - I didn’t.”
Her heart was melting. Actually puddling inside her chest, and stealing the very breath from her lungs. Tears sprang to her eyes and spilled over her almost sickly cheeks, a grin a mile wide splayed across her face as she couldn’t help but reach down to cup her brilliant beautiful sons face. “Oh of course, of course my little prince I know you didn’t, that you would never. No one protects me better than you do.”
She crouched down to pepper his face and hair with a million kisses, tasting salt with every other touch of her lips to his skin, cradling him as close as she could manage. All the melancholy was stripped out of her. She felt such a love and a light, such pride, that she could hardly remember feeling the complete opposite only mere moments before.
Looking down at her son, she suddenly remembered something else he’d said. “Fili, my love, what was that name you said earlier?”
Fili looked up at her, a curious look on his face. “Kili?”
“Yes! Wherever did you get that from?”
He shrugged one shoulder up, “I-I don’t know,” he sniffled, wiped his nose across his sleeve, “It just fits him. I can tell.”
Dis thought on it.
Kili.
Yes, she agreed. Why hadn’t I thought of that before.
“I think you’re right darling; it fits him just perfectly.”
Fili only nodded as he rubbed his small hands around her stomach some more, almost as if he were searching for something, before settling on a small spot near the bottom on her left side.
He crouched low, bringing his mouth right next to where his hand was, and whispered, “Kili, please be careful in there ok? I love you.” and as soon as he placed his small lips on the spot to kiss his brother, something unbelievable happened.
Dis felt a small kick.
Were it not for the chair near her side she would have most certainly collapsed to the floor. Her knees buckled in her shock, and the only noise she made was a burst of laughter that bubbled out of her before she realized it was happening. She gasped, then laughed again, fresh tears spilling over her cheeks and into her beard. Her chest felt heavy and light at the same time; full of too much emotion and not enough air. Tiny ripples flowed through her body that turned into full on quivers and shakes; she was so elated, so beyond ecstatic she wanted to scream to the heavens above.
It was then that she realized, she was never dreaming. It was Fili coming to her while she slept, talking to his younger brother, trying to make things easier for her. It was never a dream. Kili did move, and apparently only did so when his brother would speak to him. It made her wonder...
In her moment of bliss, she hardly noticed Fili looking up at her, frowning again, arms crossed. When she did see him, she only smiled broader, cupped his face once more as she tried to smooth away the tiny wrinkles on his face.
“My dear what ever is the matter?”
Throwing his arms up in the air, he huffed, “He won’t listen! I specifically just told him not to do that.” He shook his head, gave her a brooding look to rival that of his Uncle, and clucked his tongue in annoyance.
She gave him another kiss, this time to his temple, then brought their foreheads close together. “You are a better son than I deserve and I thank the gods every day for being so blessed.” She started into his bright blue eyes, brushed a thumb across his small cheek. “Fili, darling, I need you to do me a favor. Can you please make your broth- I mean -can you please ask Kili to move for your Amad? I promise you it won’t hurt me. I just- it would make me so very, very happy to feel him moving. Please?”
Fili gave her a measured look, then looked away and back again. He worried his bottom lip between his teeth as he brought his small hand back to her full belly where it had been moments before. “Are you sure mama?”
“Yes, yes please. It would bring me great joy.”
Fili said nothing, at least not to her. He moved into her space again, bringing his small mouth to where he had it before. This time, he whispered far too silently for Dis to hear. It was a steady stream of hushed words, and she waited, breathless and nearly ready to jump out of her skin from the anticipation that was driving her a small amount of mad.
She was just about to ask Fili to try again, when there it was, a small flurry of movements inside of her, and try as she might she couldn’t stop the tears that came yet again. It felt like a thousand butterflies were inside her, everywhere, even in her veins and the deepest recesses of her mind.
“Touch mama,” she nearly jumped hearing Fili’s voice, at the touch of his small hands guiding her own over to where the flurry of movements were centered. “He likes it when you do it more than me.”
It felt like being a new mother all over again. It was her first time feeling such a thing again and she could hardly handle the bombardment of emotions that were welling and bursting inside of her. Her hands roamed the expanse of her swollen middle, marveled at the little creature inside as he now freely moved from one side to the next, almost as if her were playing with her. Fili continued to speak to him, at a much more audible tone, and she merely stood there reveling in everything.
“Mama,” Fili said after almost a half an hour of their play, “can we eat now? I’m hungry. And I think Kili is too.”
As if on cue, Dis felt a rumble in her stomach and a very sharp kick immediately following.
She winced and brought her hand up to where the kick had been, “Goodness! Already so demanding!”
“Kili!” Fili yelled sharply. “What did I- If you weren’t inside mama right now I’d-”
Dis laughed, bright and hearty as she placed a placating hand on her eldest’s head, “It’s alright my love, it’s alright. My own selfish fault. You both must be very hungry. And, seeing as this is such a special occasion, I think we have just the right amount of ingredients to make our favorite breakfast.”
“Can I help this time mama? You said I could help next time!”
“Of course, you can, I think you definitely deserve it today of all days.”
Fili beamed at her, and immediately ran to the pantry to retrieve what they needed.
“Mama!” she heard Fili call from the pantry, not a moment later, “can we use apples and walnuts this time?”
“Yes darling, anything you like!”
As Dis stood near the sink, preparing the various fruits they’d need, she sighed happily, placing that ever steady hand on her belly.
“Kili.” she said whispered softly, voice full of all of the love you could ever pour into a single name.
There was another flurry of butterflies inside her as her babe responded eagerly.
“I love you too.”