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She always had to be the best; to be good enough to those who supported her on her dream. Maya had wanted to reach for that star. She wanted, nay, needed to be good enough.
So she did.
She reached for the pinnacle, and her being a prodigy, it didn't take much. She was finally at the top. By then, everyone was near to irrelevant, she didn't, and need not to look down towards those who were agonisingly chasing after her, a mere speck of dust in the never ending desert. She wasn't one to have her head up in the clouds, in fact, she admired, so, so, much, the amount of effort one put into as they struggled for the top.
(Maybe it was because she never did struggle, at all; and that was one of the times she hated herself so.)
It was also until then she opened her eyes, looking at the pinnacle she stood on, narrow and steep, as the desert stretched across the horizon, her having nowhere to go.
She was stuck, confused, and a single step forth might cause her fall, her fall into her past she never wanted to remember, to relive it once more ーas if her nightmares weren't enoughー was insidiously torturous.
(The past where she was never good enough to stop her mother from leaving.)
For days she waited on that pinnacle, for someone to reach the top alongside her, for her radiance to walk alongside someone. The loneliness had been slowly eating at her, the confusion and anger she kept inside, reformed themselves as the nightmares that haunted her.
(Maya was never even able to get enough sleep, even in the darkness, where most claimed to be able to escape reality from.)
She so badly, hated herself so. She hated herself for almost being too good at anything she did. She hated that she didn't have to struggle, and got easily bored.
(She was lonely, from being feared, from being used. She was tired from it all.)
In fact, she admired her partner, Saijou Claudine, since the day she approached her with such confidence, not a single ulterior motive like she've ever seen before (to rival Maya, a first) ;and that honestly almost made tears fall out of her eyes.
(There was never a fear in those eyes, only one of a passionate flame, challenging her entire being, and thus, on that day Saijou Claudine invited her to stretch, she performed the best she'd ever had. Looking at her awestruck face cast her with a paradox of emotions, one of them being the fear of her only hope to give up so quickly. She never did, though.)
She was everything she aspired to be, the effort she put in to reach the top, nay, to beat her, even, was astonishing. She wondered if she could ever be like that, it deeply intrigued her. Maya felt as if she could go higher than that pinnacle she was confined to, as she walked alongside her.
(But there was still that lingering fear that the only person who understood her would leave, give up chasing her, and she would still be left alone, once again.)
It had been another one of those nights of fear and anxiety, a stormy one, the thunder clapping and the flashes of lightning scared Maya, what made it worse that she was an insomniac.
(The fear of even sleeping was eating her alive, she never wanted for those nightmares to appear anymore. But then, on these days, she would always reminisce the days where her mother would hug her tight and accompany her to sleep. Those thoughts made her cry, blaming herself for never being good enough at the time.)
She trembled as the lightning flashed, covering her ears with a pillow, whimpering softly. She hated this. She hated being so weak, in the dark, where the monsters lurk inside her head. The thunder clapped, the loudest it had ever been on that night, and Maya let out a little scream.
(The adrenaline was making her foggy, everything was starting to crash down, everything was slowly falling apart again, she was going toー)
"Mama! Where are you going?"
"I'll be going somewhere far away for a while, Maya." The last of the warmth she craved was in the form of a pat.
No. No. No. Please. She reached out to her, only for her to disappear into ash within her grasp.
"Maya?" Her door creaked open. Admist all the whispers, the claps of thunder resonating in her mind, she could somehow make out that voice. The voice of someone who was shining, shining in the darkness, unlike her, one who was bound by it.
The bed shifted beside her, as though a weight had been applied on it, and a warm hand gently found itself on her trembling ones.
(It was so nostalgic, this feeling.)
"Mama.. I'm scared." A loud clap of thunder.
"Shh.. don't worry, Mama's here." The warmth fron her mother's hand soothed her, it calmed her down.
No one was there to protect her from the dark, the lightning, nor the thunder. It was just her, her, and her alone.
"What's wrong?" Another hand combed through her hair, soothing her gently, and she leaned in to her touch. There was no mistake, it had to beー
(Only then she turned around, expecting amethyst eyes, ones similar to hers, but was greeted by those of warm yet familiar magenta.)
Alas, it was never her mother. She was gone forever.
"Why're you crying?" Those eyes filled with fear, pure, raw and wild fear confused Claudine so. Another clap of thunder, and Maya flinched, again, whimpering. She've never been so weak in front of anyone, putting on a simple, yet cold mask whenever anyone saw her.
(She never wanted to be feared, she wanted to have friends, she wanted to be normal, she wantedー)
"Isn't that Tendou? The top student from Mizukane Academy?"
"Woah! It really is! But she'll probably be stuck up though, like the rest of those applying to Seishou." An unknown girl snickered.
"Isn't it going to be cool if I were friends with her?"
"I heard that she's crazy rich."
Stop. Stop it.
With all the energy she could muster, she whispered, clutching tight on her sleeves, "Don't leave me, please."
(Not like this, not now, not like all those years ago.)
Tendou Maya never pleaded, not even once, for help, and with that, Claudine knew that this was, urgent, even if the fact that the normal, cool-headed Maya was shaking and crying, holding on to her as if she was a lifeline wasn't obvious enough.
Claudine set aside those mixed emotions this vunerable Maya made her feel and told her, firmly, "I won't."
(They whispered, "She will." But that tiny little bit of hope told her to believe.)
She then lay beside her, hugging the brunette close to her bosom, letting her stain her nightgown. Claudine had only come to Maya's room as she heard whimpering from the thin plaster walls separating them, only to find her partner, crying and trembling in fear. Those gentle pats on the back that she hoped would calm her down, did so, effectively calming those sobs into mere sniffles and hiccups.
The half-french had never, ever imagined that the rival she'd chased was actually so weak when she was truly alone, and what shocked her was that she'd fought all these demons, internally, not once calling out for help.
(Claudine really did remind Maya of the warmth she'd been deprived for so long.)
It was warm, compared to the cold that she'd been living in since forever, she could feel her heart beating, a lullaby that would bring her to sleep. Her plush bosom acted like a pillow as her long, slender arms hugged her tight; as if she never wanted to let go. Maya slowly leaned into her hug, relaxing in her touch. The anxiety she had for so long was being washed away, the sound of the thunder was being dulled away.
It was as if she found home again, right in her arms.
As soon as Claudine noticed that she wasn't shaking, trembling, nor crying anymore, in a soft voice (in case to not frighten the girl in between her arms), she queried once more, "What's wrong, Maya?"
A sniffle, "Nothing in particular you should worry about. I'm sorry for burdening you." Maya tried to push the girl away, but the her tight arms kept intact around her hips, not allowing a slight reprieve.
"Tendou Maya, top of the 99th class, and yet," Claudine paused, trying to hold a snap in. "you have the worst acting in this moment. Now tell me, what's wrong?" She was serious.
(Maya really needed someone to talk to.)
There was a moment of silence between the two of them as the pitter-patter of the midnight rain filled it up.
She sighed, and reluctantly whispered, her voice shaking. "Did you ever feel like you're at the top, but you don't know where to go? As if you were standing on top of a pinnacle; any step forth or back would be your doom."
Claudine stayed silent, simply listening to her.
"Whenever I'm the top, I feel empty, that hole of loneliness just seems to eat me alive. Whenever I'm not, everyone just seems to leave." Her voice was slowly quivering, as if all those words she wanted to say spilled out all of a sudden.
"It had been always me, and me alone."
"It was then only you who stretched your arm out to me, but I fear that you'll give up chasing the top right by my side. I fear for it, the future, especially."
(Just like that story that they performed together, Starlight, a tale of parting.)
A tear fell out of her eye. "That is why Iー Ow!"
There was a flick on her forehead, with came unknowingly; swift and hard, cutting her off.
"Imbécile! You," she put the distance between them and jabbed at Maya's chest, "have never been more of an idiot since the day I met you. Infuriating! Who do you think you are, thinking that lowly of me? I'm Saijou Claudine, I don't give up that easily, Tendou Maya."
(Those words, harsh and sharp, somehow instilled hope within her.)
"..sorry." She softly apologised.
"Now you're apologising? Where's that Tendou Maya? The Tendou Maya who never fails to infuriate yet amaze me every single time." A smirk (a rare smile) broke out in between her taunting words.
Maya chuckled, for the first time in that night, she had faith that the rainclouds would go away, leaving the stars in their wake, those bright, twinkling stars.
"What's so funny now?"
(Claudine loved to cheer people up, even if she wasn't the best at it, just to see the same smiles that they displayed as they watched them on stage. Those smiles that were as bright as a morning star; brighter than the rising sun itself.)
"Nothing. Its just," Her chuckle grew to giggles. "you, too, never seem to take my breath away."
If it wasn't for the dark room, she would've been found out, blushing so hard that her face felt ticklish, each nerve heightened in sensitivity with the increase in blood flow. It was then that she realised the proximity between the both of them, so close, their breaths touching.
"O-of course, I am your rival after all." She tucked her hair behind her ear. "It would've been unworthy of me."
"You'll never be unworthy of me, Claudine. Only I can be, as compared such a beautiful woman like you." Tendou Maya was back. The smooth, suave Maya that never failed to have Claudine's heart beating as though she had run a million miles per minute.
To add to that, Maya had grabbed Claudine by her waist, hugging her close, her eyes closed shut as the sweet scent of perfumeー not too heavy, not too light, just how she liked itー wafted in her nose.
'W-Wha-'
"What are you doing?" She squealed softly as the applied pressure on her waist tickled her, making her twitch slightly.
"Sleeping. I can't have this matter interfere with lessons tomorrow now, can I?" Maya snuggled closer, nuzzling her head in her neck, trying to get in a comfortable position.
"In this position?" She was met with silence and soft breaths touching her nape.
You're lucky I love you.
"Just for tonight." She whispered. "Fais de beaux rêves, mon amour." She shuffled comfortably before a wave of drowsiness hit her, then falling asleep in the arms of Tendou Maya, under the midnight sky that cleared after the storm, leaving the shining stars and puddles of mirrors under their wake.