Work Text:
It had been on his mind all day, the last thing his lover had texted him before he left for work.
Hurry home, Tae. I’ll be waiting.
It was April 18th, a day plagued by heavy clouds and even heavier rain but nothing could bring Taehyung down on that day, because it was a special day. April 18th was Taehyung’s own personal love day. April 18th was when Min Yoongi, worldwide famous producer, would return home to him after a weeks absence and become Yoon, world’s best boyfriend. April 18th was the day, a couple of years ago, that Taehyung had blurted a messy and tear-filled confession into Yoongi’s shocked face, and received a kiss instead of expected rejection. April 18th was their anniversary, and Yoongi had promised to be home for it.
The past week had been excruciating for Taehyung, each day entering the boring office in which he worked, going through the usual 9-5 grind that had only ever meant to be a temporary fix to the unemployed situation, as he tried to find himself a job as an actor. It had been two years since he graduated university, and he was still in the same office cubicle, same shitty computer that took five minutes to warm up, same keyboard with certain keys missing, same squeaky spinny chair - over the past week, it had been all Taehyung knew. His time sitting as his desk was spent slumped over his computer, earning stupid comments from Jungkook and looks of sympathy from Jimin each time a sad sigh left his lips. That, and his nights that were spent shuffling around on the sofa, trying to find a position that was comfortable, as he flicked through the many uninteresting TV channels, wondering if there was any point staying up or if he should just go to bed early. When he went to bed, he wondered if it had always been as big and as cold as it felt before he’d taken to sharing it with another warm body.
Today, April 18th, he could hardly focus on such trivial things.
Taehyung practically bounced into work that morning, earning a ‘You’re happy today, is the daddy dom coming home?’ comment from his co-worker, Jungkook. After slapping him, hugging his boyfriend Jimin, making a hot chocolate and sliding into his office seat, Taehyung let out a contented hum before pulling out his phone to read the text message for the tenth time that morning.
Hurry home, Tae. I’ll be waiting.
Throughout the day, Taehyung worked with a smile on his face which was renewed each time he glanced at that text, daydreams about the moment he finally got home playing in his head like his own personal wonderland, daydreams he had been filling his head with all week. In some of the daydreams, he opened the door to their shared apartment to find Yoongi standing there with presents in hand and gummy smiles on lip. In others, he was holding nothing, and Taehyung would run towards him in the candle-lit room and fling himself into Yoongi’s arms, placing kisses all over his boyfriend’s face. Others were a little less dramatic: Yoongi opening the door and engulfing his boyfriend into a hug that Taehyung had been craving all week. Then there were the ones - well, Taehyung did his best not to think about them whilst sitting at his desk because they were definitely not safe for the workplace.
Work seemed to drag even more than it had in the week that Yoongi had been away. Taehyung bounced in his seat, eyes fixed eagerly on the clock on the wall which seemed to tick two times slower than it usually did, longing out the time he had to endure away from his love, who was most likely already at their shared apartment, waiting for him.
“Not long now,” Jimin soothed, stroking Taehyung’s tense shoulder in a comforting manner (but also to stop him from jumping up from his office chair and running home early).
“Yeah, not long until you can go home and get the dicking you deserve.”
Both Taehyung and Jimin hit Jungkook that time.
When the hour hand ticked forwards onto the large black ‘5′, Taehyung was out of work so fast it was as if he’d teleported outside of the building, rather than ran down from the 10th floor. His driving back to the apartment block was rushed and dangerous, going so fast he ran at least two red lights and almost crashed into the car in front of him a couple of times when they slowed down, but eventually he arrived in one piece.
Taehyung shouted a quick greeting to the various neighbours he passed and sprinted to the lift, where he jammed his finger into the ‘up’ button continuously as if it would make the lift operate any quicker. Luckily, he managed to not cause any damage to the lift as he went inside and continuously pressed the button for the fifth floor, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet with nervous anticipation.
He had to stop when he was finally outside of his apartment door. He had to take a moment to breathe. A moment. Two. He thought he would pass out if his boyfriend opened the door that second. Taehyung had been waiting for this, he had been waiting for it since Yoongi left, and now the moment had finally arrived. Taking one last deep breath, Taehyung raised a fist and knocked on the door.
A minute passed. There was silence from inside. Taehyung frowned and reached into his pocket to pull out his apartment key, wondering if maybe part of whatever surprise Yoongi had for him (or, he assumed Yoongi would have waiting for him) was that he had to enter the apartment himself.
The door swung open and Taehyung entered the space with a bright smile, eyes darting around the room to try and find his boyfriend, arms twitching by his sides as they anticipated the running hug he’d been daydreaming over all week.
Nothing happened. Nobody was there.
Taehyung’s smile faltered. Faltered, but didn’t disappear. Yoongi had to be there somewhere, he was probably just dragging out their reunion because he knew how much it would annoy Taehyung, payback for the masses of spam text messages Taehyung had supplied Yoongi with whilst he was on the trip, no doubt.
With a renewed grin, Taehyung padded into the apartment, calling out his boyfriend’s name in a playful tone. He checked the bedroom first, purely because there was a light on in there, not because he was being plagued by NSFW fantasies. However, he opened the door to find it empty - no candles, no rose petals, no handcuffs or blindfolds or- anyway. He exited the bedroom and wondered back down to the lounge area of the apartment, wondering if he’d missed his boyfriend on the sofa, before his eyes landed on the kitchen door. Light pooled out from underneath it, and excitement shot through Taehyung’s veins as he bounced towards it like a rather excited puppy.
Taehyung flung open the kitchen door, panting slightly through his wide grin as his energetic eyes bounced around the room, too quick to properly take in anything, until they stopped at a smashed plate on the floor, a mix of broken ceramic and saucy pasta staining the tiles. Taehyung stopped. He frowned.
Heart sinking in his chest, Taehyung’s eyes slowly drifted up from the mess on the floor to his boyfriend, who was sitting in his place at their round two-person glass-top table, laptop open in front of him. Taehyung had to stop instincts from letting him throw himself at the man and instead tightened his grip on the door handle, wondering why Yoongi was angry. Because Yoongi looked angry.
Landline phone in hand, held up to his line of vision, Yoongi looked, to anyone, almost as if he was calm. Taehyung knew better. He could see how rigid Yoongi’s shoulders were, the nervous tick in his jaw, the way his eyes were practically melting the phone in his hold from the glare he was giving it. Looking at him now, Taehyung could count the amount of times he had ever seen Yoongi this angry on two hands. And when Yoongi turned to fix this glare onto him, Taehyung recalled the amount of times this look had been directed at him. It barely filled a hand.
“Y-yoon?” Taehyung stammered, words coming out weakly, the need to cough filling his throat so he allowed himself to, and tried again. “What... are you okay?”
“Taehyung,” Yoongi replied, voice calm but the fury in Yoongi’s eyes gave him away. Taehyung had to stop himself from visibly shuddering, his mind reeling back to the past week, wondering what he’d done to upset his lover so. Yoongi was used to Taehyung’s slightly odd, at most times annoying, behaviours and habits, so he struggled to think of what he’d done to conjure this level of anger into his lover’s eyes.
Yoongi looked back to the phone, raised his thumb and pressed one of the buttons. The phone beeped, a sound that, to Taehyung, seemed far more menacing in this situation than it did in everyday life.
You have one old message.
Message: one.
Today at 4:36pm.
BEEP
Hello Kim Taehyung! It’s Cherry from Raising Star Enterprises. I’m just calling to confirm your declination of your offered place on our acting course, but I must ask you to reconsider before you give me a ring back with your final answer. We would love to have you here, we are sure your talents would not go to waste-
BEEP
Yoongi cut the message off and placed the phone on the table, before turning towards his laptop. Or, what Taehyung thought was Yoongi’s laptop.
“Dear Mr. Kim Taehyung, We’re delighted to offer you an all-expenses-paid place on our acting course here at Raising Star Enterprises, following your audition the previous month. We are aware that America is a long way from Korea, which is why we want to offer you this scholarship to come and train with our company, in the hopes that it will make your decision a little easier.
“Our courses start after the summer in the month of September, should you choose to accept, and you will be offered a room at one of our dorms (free, for you, for the first six months). If you want to opt-out of dorm living, then unfortunately we cannot provide expenses for external arrangements, but we can recommend some good options. The courses are 8am-5pm daily, with rehearsals on the weekends for any productions we put on.
“As for your concerns towards the language, we know of many qualified English tutors who will be able to enhance your current knowledge of the language to catch you up enough to work with our actors. Until that point, you will receive one-to-one training with a qualified Korean-speaking instructor.”
“Yoongi-” Taehyung tried to cut in, throat dry.
“I’m not done.” Yoongi stated, not bothering to take his eyes away from the laptop screen. Taehyung swallowed nervously. “It would be a shame for you to decline, and we understand that this is a difficult decision for you, but please take the time to consider our offer as we are eager to have you on our team of skilled actors.”
“Yoon-”
Yoongi glared at Taehyung this time. Taehyung’s jaw tightened.
“Please reply to this email with your response. If you accept, you will receive more information via email, and we can book a phone appointment to discuss any issues or concerns you may have. Thank you for choosing Raising Star Enterprises! Kind regards, Cherry Landon.”
Yoongi clicked on the keypad. Once. Twice.
“Dear Cherry Landon, I’m sorry to inform you that after some thought, I have come to the regretful conclusion that I won’t be able to attend the acting course at Raising Star Enterprises. I am exceedingly grateful and appreciative of your offer and I would love to accept it, but I just don’t think it possible with my current ties here in Korea. Thank you for giving me the chance. Yours sincerely, Kim Taehyung.”
Yoongi’s eyes swivelled up to meet Taehyung’s, fixing them with a harsh stare. Taehyung had to wonder why they always associated anger with heat, when Yoongi’s eyes sent shivers down his spine.
“Do you want to explain this to me?”
Taehyung didn’t reply. He didn’t know what to reply. Oh that? Ah, well I got my chance finally after two years and blew it to continue working my shitty office job. Somehow, he didn’t think that would satisfy the man sitting in front of him. Not when he was almost choking on the thick tension between them.
Gently, Taehyung let go of the door frame and took a seat opposite Yoongi, his warm hand sliding across the glass-top table to intertwine his fingers with Yoongi’s cold ones. He stared at them, almost confused, because this is what they did when they knew that a fight was about to break out. They held hands. They held hands, and they spoke about their issues. They held hands to reassure the other that whilst they were fighting, they were still in a relationship, still cared for each other. They held hands to remind each other that at the end of the day, they shouldn’t let fights come between them, because they had something in each other that they didn’t want to lose.
“When...” Taehyung started slowly, trying to get his explanation straight in his head. “When we went to America with Jimin and Jungkook... it was on the day that Jimin and I went off together. You know, when we were joking around about having useless boyfriends and dating each other instead?” It probably wasn’t the smartest thing to bring up, but Taehyung never managed to stop digging once the hole had started to form. “Well, we came across this... this audition. An acting audition. Jimin pointed out that they were open to foreign auditionees, and said I should put what little English I knew to good use. You know... you know that English monologue I did at university? Well, I still remembered it, so I got in line to audition.”
Taehyung shuffled in his seat, still not finding the courage in himself to look up and meet his lover’s eyes, which he could feel burning into his own. He kept his gaze on their hands, tanned against pale, and wondered if they always looked that nice together, why he hadn’t noticed the beautiful contrast of their skin colours before that moment.
“I auditioned and- and it was just for fun. I never... never planned on it or anything,” Taehyung’s eyebrows scrunched into a frown, which didn’t go unnoticed by Yoongi, whose thumb started to lightly brush against his lover’s hand in a comforting way. It said yes, we’re having a fight. Yes, I’m not completely happy with you at the moment. But don’t forget that I love you, and I want to support you.
“But then I got this email. Honestly I’d forgotten about the audition, I didn’t expect anything from it and then this email turns up and- and I was happy for a while, wanted to tell you about it so badly, was going to surprise you when you got back but- stupid Taehyung, right? The company is based in America. If I wanted to train with them and be put in their performances, that means being in America for months and months at a time. I’d be able to come home for a few weeks throughout a year, but that- it’s not good enough. My home is Korea. My home is this apartment. My home is being here with you. I- I’d never give that up.”
“Taehyung,” Yoongi sighed. Taehyung wanted it to be a fond sigh. It was not. “You can’t turn down things like this just because of something so small as distance.”
“W-what do you mean?” Taehyung questioned, finally looking up into his boyfriend’s eyes which had calmed from their icy anger.
“I mean that you should have taken it.”
Taehyung stiffened. Did Yoongi not understand what Taehyung said? Did he not make it clear enough what would have happened if he had accepted the place?
“Yoongi... if I’d have taken it, I would have had to move to America.”
“So?” Yoongi questioned, scooting closer to the table in his chair, keeping his hand firmly holding onto Taehyung’s. “You’ve been waiting for two years to find some type of acting job. Acting is what you want to do, you hate that office job you have, it would only make sense that you took this offer. So why didn’t you?”
“I’d have to move... to America. America.”
“Yes, I understood that, Taehyung.”
“Don’t you see any issue with that?” Taehyung questioned, his own irritation stirring inside of him. “We wouldn’t be living together, you’re based here in Seoul, I’d have to move there by myself and then we’d have to have a long distance relationship and- and-”
“And? So what? We can easily survive a long distance relationship! We love each other, we trust each other, I don’t see what the issue is-”
“It’s almost like you want me to go!”
“Of course I want you to go!” Yoongi snapped “This is your dream I’m talking about! I’d take it if I were you, no matter who I’d be leaving behind. Anybody who was worth something and who cared for you wouldn’t hold you back, would wait for you in Korea, and that’s exactly what I’ll do!” Yoongi’s tone became exasperated, but he didn’t raise his voice.
“So you want us to be apart? You want our relationship to be strained over text messages and late night FaceTime calls? You want us to see each other for three weeks throughout the year until I return home to you for Christmas?” Taehyung questioned, volume of his words raising as he spoke.
“Of course not-”
“Then why are you trying to send me away?!” Taehyung was shouting now, yanking at his hand which stayed firmly in Yoongi’s grip.
The elder took a breath, let his eyes slip shut, trying to compose himself. Taehyung was working himself up, there was no need to shout back at him. Yoongi had to stay calm.
“I’m not trying to send you away,” Yoongi started with a calm tone of voice, opening his eyes to see Taehyung’s teary, accusing ones glaring back at him. “I’m just trying to encourage you to take an opportunity a lot of people would kill for.”
“But I don’t want it-”
“Yes you do,” Yoongi said, cutting into Taehyung’s whine. “Acting is your dream, you want to get into it, you want this opportunity.”
“But it’s in America, Yoongi! I don’t want us to be apart, I don’t think I can handle a long distance relationship-”
“Why?” Yoongi questioned, narrowing his eyes. “Don’t you trust me?”
Because that’s what it came down to. That’s what long distance relationships were all about. Trust. The trust that they would find the time to be there for each other. The trust that they would be able to communicate their feelings, wants and needs to each other despite being apart. The trust that they would remain faithful and loyal to each other, even if they were thousands of miles away.
“Of- of course I trust you,” Taehyung breathed out, shocked by the question.
“Then why do you seem so set on the idea of something bad happening? Why is it that in your mind, our relationship - which I was under the impression of it being strong, stable and healthy - will fall apart the second you set foot on American soil? Do you really think that my head’s going to be turned by somebody else the second you’ve left my sight? Is that why you’re accusing me of wanting to send you away?”
Taehyung looked down at his lap, tears now trailing down his cheeks, and a horrible thought crossed Yoongi’s mind. He knew that a lot of the time, when somebody is so insistent about something, that somebody will do certain things or feels a certain way, they were projecting. Projecting things about themselves onto somebody else. Making their issues into somebody else’s. It pushed Yoongi’s mind to assumptions and accusations that he had never figured he would make.
Yoongi and Taehyung had been together for two years. They were infatuated with each other, based their actions around each other, always made decisions with each other’s best interest in mind. They’d carried each other through the darkest moments, and flown with each other in the highest clouds. They seemed like opposites but fit together perfectly, understood what the other was feeling, needing or wanting without having to ask. They had grown familiar with each other, used to each other’s presence in their lives, and almost didn’t know how to function without the other. If they didn’t have each other, if they didn’t have their love, then what did they have?
“Taehyung, did... did you cheat on me?”
Taehyung’s eyes snapped up to meet Yoongi’s, his face breaking out into a series of expressions that Yoongi struggled to decipher. Shock. Confusion. Hurt. Anger. Taehyung’s fingers loosened their hold on Yoongi’s hand. When he spoke, his voice was softer than it had been before.
“You... you go on about trust... and then accuse me of cheating on you?”
“What do you expect me to think? You’re so insistent that something will go wrong with our relationship if you leave, it’s almost like you’ve already experienced it!” Yoongi said exasperatedly, gesturing towards Taehyung with the hand that wasn’t holding onto the younger’s.
“You seriously believe- you can say, right now, confidently, that you think I’ve cheated on you? After everything? Over the past week, I’ve been working every day, spending my free time watching Netflix, snapchatting you, FaceTiming you, hanging out with Jimin and Jungkook... I send you text updates of my day all the time, you know what I’ve been doing, I barely breathed without sending you a snapchat of it, and you still seriously want to believe that I found the time to have an affair?” Taehyung questioned. Yoongi said nothing. “Min Yoongi, look me in the eyes and tell me you believe I’ve had an affair. That I’m a dirty fucking cheater. I dare you.”
Yoongi looked into his boyfriend’s eyes. His boyfriend who could barely go ten minutes without snapchatting or texting him. His boyfriend who once ran to the pharmacy at 3am in nothing but slippers and boxers because Yoongi had coughed more than five times. His boyfriend who would drop everything, anything, just to make sure Yoongi was okay.
“This isn’t even relevant to our fight,” Yoongi sighed, clutching Taehyung’s hand even tighter. Taehyung scoffed, a fake chuckle leaving his lips.
“You’re the one who brought it up.”
“Don’t be childish,” Said Yoongi, letting his eyes slip shut for a few seconds as he tried to regain his train of thought. The argument had gone off track, cheating wasn’t a topic Yoongi intended to bring up. He was meant to be talking to Taehyung about taking a better path. And that’s what he said next, but he didn’t receive the same understanding he pictured Taehyung giving him.
“How is it a better path?” Taehyung asked, “I’ll go to America, not knowing English, and all the people who are important to me will be miles away, hours away. Sure I’ll be acting, but I’ll be miserable. How do you expect me to do something I love if I’m too miserable to love it?”
“Come on Taehyung, you can’t waste this opportunity! Don’t be stupid-”
“Yeah, because it always comes down to that doesn’t it. Taehyung, don’t be stupid. Taehyung, that’s a dumb idea, Taehyung, you’re being an idiot. Taehyung, Taehyung, Taehyung. How is it stupid to know myself and know exactly what I want? How is it stupid to want to stay with the man I love? How is it stupid to pass an opportunity which has cons that vastly outweigh the pros? After all, it was you who told me to not take opportunities carelessly - to pick and choose, because they might not always be the right opportunity for me.”
“But this is right for you!” Yoongi cried out in frustration, frantic eyes baring into Taehyung’s tearful ones. “You love acting, you want to be an actor, English is a really good thing to know... sure you won’t see me as much, but be fucking selfish-”
“I’m trying to be selfish by turning it down! I’m trying to be selfish by ignoring their offer and ignoring your words and staying here just like I want to! But you won’t fucking let me!”
“It’s because you don’t understand-”
“There you go again! Taehyung, you don’t understand, I fucking understand perfectly!” Taehyung sobbed in desperation. “I’m not an idiot! I know what I lose if I go, and I know what I lose if I stay. The loss of going is far greater, and one I’m not prepared to take.”
“Okay, so answer me this. If I wasn’t your boyfriend-”
“-Yoongi!”
“Just listen!” Yoongi snapped, before taking a breath and calming his tone. “If I wasn’t your boyfriend, would you take the opportunity?”
Taehyung didn’t need to think it over that much. He knew that Yoongi was the main reason for him staying, and it was obvious that Yoongi knew it too.
“Yes.”
“So I’m holding you back.”
“No.”
“Taehyung,” Yoongi sighed exasperatedly, his free hand rubbing against his eye. “It’s the truth. I’m holding you back, because I’m the reason you’re not going to take this opportunity.”
“So what? It doesn’t matter, I want to choose you. It’s not like I can just make you disappear, is it?”
“You could.”
It took Taehyung a second to understand the implication behind his boyfriend’s words, never believing that he could hear such a thing coming from Yoongi’s mouth, especially not when they were so in love, especially not because of something so small, especially not on April 18th, Taehyung’s own personal love day.
“You... you think we should break up?”
“If it’s the only way to make you come to your senses then yes, I do.”
The room was spinning. Taehyung couldn’t breathe. Sweat started to trickle down the side of his face, his lips moving to protest but no sounds coming out. That couldn’t be it. That couldn’t be it. Yoongi couldn’t be ending their love over something like that, especially when Taehyung had made it clear he was completely apathetic towards the offer and would choose Yoongi over America any day.
Yoongi’s hand tightened on Taehyung’s, something that was meant to ground him but only made him shake more. They held hands in fights to reassure each other that whilst they were disagreeing, they were still there for each other. They held hands in fights to reassure each other that whilst they were screaming, they still cared for each other. They held hands in fights to reassure each other that whilst they were hurting, they still loved each other. They still had each other.
Taehyung’s hand suddenly felt as if it was being burned.
“Let go,” Taehyung demanded, tugging his hand back but failing to release it from his boyfriend’s grip. “Let go!”
“No.”
Taehyung stood from his chair, uncaring that it fell and banged on the ground behind him as he yanked his arm even harder, ignoring the pain in his shoulder at the force. “Fucking let go!”
Yoongi said nothing. He curled himself over Taehyung’s hand, and the latter felt a pair of lips press themselves to his knuckles.
It was unfair. It was unfair. It was unfair.
Yoongi couldn’t do this to him. Yoongi couldn’t be this gentle whilst violently tearing his heart apart.
“Stop it!” Taehyung cried out, yanking his arm a third time to finally come free from Yoongi’s grasp, stumbling backwards and tripping over the chair which had hit the ground just a moment before. Taehyung fall back over it, the chair digging into his body, inflicting bruises into tanned skin.
There was silence as Yoongi stared at Taehyung on the floor and the latter looked down at himself in shock.
They’d never stopped holding hands during a fight before. Never.
Because they were always there for each other. Always.
Or they were meant to be.
“Tae-” Yoongi’s voice cut itself off as the latter looked up at him from his place on the floor, distress cutting through his usually serene face and tears burning his eyes.
“Do you really want to get rid of me that badly?” Taehyung whispered, letting his eyes fall shut.
Yoongi got up, walked around the table and kneeled next to his boyfriend to reach for his hand. At the contact of their skin, the burn of Yoongi’s fingers, Taehyung flinched away.
“Don’t touch me. Don’t fucking touch me.”