Work Text:
Our generation, who often spends so much time alone and doing quite useless things, dream of things they want in the future, all the while the best part of their lives pass by.
Park Jisung is lonely.
He has friends, yes. He has quite a lot of them, but he's never been able to fit in with a group of tight-knit friends. He forms individual, deep bonds with people, but can never keep up with groups, or feel like he belongs.
It's a sad thought when he looks out his window and sees the group of six that have been together since childhood playing a game of basketball, or when it's late out and all of them decide to have a small bonfire and Jisung can hear their conversations, and their laughs. They don't have a care in the world because they have each other.
And it makes Jisung wonder.
What is wrong with me?
Why can't I be normal?
Is it supposed to be this hard?
Did I miss something?
Jisung wants so dearly to spend his summer vacation with a group of people. He wants to go swim at one of his friends house and stay the night. He wants to take a shower and then smell like the rest of his friends because they all used the same shampoo. He wants to have a horror movie night and get scared shitless and then huddle up on the floor, trying to fall asleep but alas, they can't stop giggling. They don't stop until someone's older brother threatens to murder them if they don't shut up. He wants the simplest of things, why can't he have it?
You see, Jisung loves the friends he has but he's tired of only having one friend in each class and only having one or two people to sit with at lunch, and having to fight for a spot to sit at in the cafeteria. He wants more than that. He wants to have a table that him and his group have claimed, and he wants to talk and laugh the whole entire period. And after, he wants to have a spot to hang out with this group of friends; at the cafe or park, something like that.
But he can't fucking have that.
Jisung wants to say that he doesn't understand how kids like Lee Donghyuck can fit into a group of friends when he's so loud, annoying and sarcastic - but that's exactly why he fits in. Donghyuck puts himself out there in the world, and he lets people see him for who he really is and people fall for that.
People fall for anything if you let them see it, really.
It's a shame that Jisung can't allow himself to do that.
He can't allow himself to let people see the real him. He can't show people the sarcastic side of him, or the caring and down to earth side. He gets anxious, and awkward and his throat seems to close in on him and he can't get any words out which people find weird and really, Jisung just wants to cry when that happens.
It's at those moments where Jisung gets jealous of people like Mark Lee, an awkward kid but he's still the captain of the basketball team and he's extremely handsome, and of course he's Lee Donghyuck's boyfriend so of course people like him. Then there's guys like Lee Jeno - quiet and not the wittiest, but with an oh-so-adorable smile and he hangs around Na Jaemin, an extravert and a flirt at it's finest. Jisung tries so hard not to think about them and their perfect group of friends but it's so hard not to.
It's also at this moment, sitting next to the window whilst allowing the breeze to hit his face, does Jisung realize that the life he's pursuing is just simply not enough.
"Too often do I look to the future in anticipation for a better life. Longing to enjoy the things I don't yet have. Before I knew it, life was beginning to pass me by. I could have found the good in my current situation, but my futuristic mindset caused me to miss out on so much. Now instead of anticipation, I'm full of regret. Love life now, don't wait until it's too late."