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The last person Emily expects to be standing on her parent’s porch at 2 in the morning is Kelley O’hara. Yet here she is, wearing her Stanford sweatshirt, hair up in a messy bun, and puffy eyed. Emily doesn’t question her instead, she pulls Kelley into a tight hug. Kelley’s trying to control her tears but more than a few of them make their way onto Emily’s shoulder.
“What happened?” she asks quietly rubbing her hands soothingly up and down Kelley’s arm. Kelley pulls away from her embrace to wipe her eyes. She’s patient as she tells Emily about how she had finally gathered up the courage to come out to her parents. She planned out what she was going to say months ago and after Erin’s constant reassurance she finally told her parents during dinner. She knew not to expect a lot but the disappointment on her parent’s face shot daggers through her heart. Emily’s heart breaks as Kelley breaks down into tears again. She leads her silently into her room. Kelley sits down on the side of her bed taking in her room. Emily’s room wasn’t ginormous or over the top, it was simple just like her. It was as it someone had compressed Emily’s personality into a room. Soccer trophies sat on the shelves in front of her bed. Her most prized possession hanging to the right, a national team jersey she got the last time they played a game in Georgia. She had started saving up for it 5 months before the game, who knew a jersey could be so expensive. Her walls were painted a light yellow, she picked out the color in 4th grade because it reminded her of sunshine and happiness, it still does.
“Do you think we’ll ever get there?”
Emily glances over at her confused. Kelley points at the jersey hanging on the wall.
“You think we’ll ever play with the best of the best?”
Emily ponders about that question for a moment. Kelley has been playing for the US youth teams since her Freshman year of high school travelling all over the world racking up trophies and resume worthy wins. Emily didn’t attend her first youth camp until just a summer ago as a junior.
“I know you’ll make it.” She replies. They sat on the edge of her bed staring at the jersey, shoulders brushing in a way that shouldn’t feel so comfortable.
Kelley turns to face her, “You’re a good player Em, don’t doubt that.” Emily been called that since elementary school but coming from Kelley it’s suddenly her favorite nickname.
“It’s hard to believe it when my parents are telling me to quit every other day.” Emily replies almost in a whisper.
“My dad told me he was glad that I’ll be off at Stanford in a month.” Kelley chokes out. Emily grabs her hand to intertwine their fingers. “Listen to me, you’re gonna go to Stanford and you’re gonna train harder than you have ever trained your whole life and you’re gonna get a call up to the national team and win a NCAA championship but most of all Kelley? You’re gonna find people that are so beautiful. People who are going to be there for you no matter what, teammates even. These people will become your family. I know it’s hard to believe right now but it’s their loss not yours.”
Kelley stays quiet but Emily’s words weigh on her heart. They were teammates but they had never been super close. She could’ve gone to 20 different people but she showed up at her house.
Why?
Because her team has always been her second family but Emily was always safe. Kelley was a chaotic storm, usually the life of the party. Emily was always merely the observer but after Kelley broke her out her shell Freshman year she found that Emily was somehow both the most calm and insane person she’s ever met (in a good way). Of course she never shared this with anyone, but just made a mental note of it. She was hilarious and had great music taste. Of course, it took being stuck in a car for 3 hours together for her to really get to know Emily.
___
It was a hot summer night so Emily opened up her windows up. She offered Kelley a blanket as they crawled into bed but the girl just shook her head. It was one of those hot Georgian nights that makes the sweat stick on your back and your brain restless. She decides that she would get up earlier to tell her parents that Kelley slept over. They’ll be fine with it once they knew the circumstances. She feels Kelley’s breath even out beside her but she can’t seem to get her mind to shut up.
Of all the places in the world, they live in a small conservative town in Georgia. Emily was terrified to come out to her parents her sophomore year but they were nothing short of supportive. She knew that a few of her teammates were out but most of her team were conservative. It’s hard being out to only a selective amount of people. She had known that Kelley was gay since her Freshman year. She never understood why she was one of the first people that Kelley told but she took it as a blessing. She didn’t gather up the courage to come out to Kelley until the last game of Sophomore year when one of their teammates made a homophobic comment in the locker room and Kelley could tell that Emily was upset. The reasonable part of her brain knew that Kelley would be accepting but there’s something so scary about sharing a part of yourself. Once you share something it’s out there and all you could do is hope that that person still loves you and accepts that part of you.
Eventually her thoughts became nonsense, and her eyes dropped heavier and heavier before she let her mind go and slip into a steady slumber.
When her eyes open again it’s 10 past 7 in the morning. She can hear to clatter of her parents making breakfast downstairs. She wonders if they noticed Kelley’s shoes by the front door or her car in the driveway.
She slipped out of her room quietly, trying not to wake Kelley up before she talks to her parents.
___
Of course her parents are understanding after Emily tells them what happened last night. They tell her that Kelley’s welcome in their home anytime.
Her dad offers chocolate pancakes to Kelley when she walks down the stairs sheepishly. She thanks them profusely for breakfast and they ask her question like, “Are you excited for Stanford?” and, “Any cute girls in your life.” (Emily shoots her mother a warning glance at that question but Kelley answers like the real charmer she is).
___
And when Kelley heads to Stanford a month later that one night still clear in both their minds. Because in that one night they were both vulnerable people letting go of their fears. They admitted their insecurities and dreams. It made Emily think about her future and what it was she really wanted in her life. It wasn’t an event that was a big deal but Emily now trained with a new sense of purpose and Kelley played every game with a fire in her chest lit by Emily’s words.
“Their loss, not yours.”