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Yixing thinks his situation is too foreseeable. He’s not the first one to have unrequited love, and he’s certainly not the only one who’s suffering from it. After all, who hasn’t fallen for their best friend? Even if the feelings were temporary, he was sure that most people would have felt something akin to love at one point or another. Therefore, he doesn’t find it a big deal when he first realized that he’s been in love with Jongdae. Falling in love with the younger feels natural, and he doesn’t need Jongdae to feel the same. Their friendship is enough for him.
This is why he’s not against hearing stories about Jongdae’s love life. Whether it be crushes, or past boyfriends, he has heard most of the things that has happened to the younger. He was there for the first heartbreak, and he hopes that he’ll be around to attend Jongdae’s wedding one day. Even though it may sound sad, Yixing would want happiness for the younger, and he wouldn’t want to be the person that stops Jongdae from achieving it.
His childhood friend, Luhan, would say that he’s being a pushover, or that he’s a coward for not telling the truth. But what does that guy know, anyway? He’s also pining over a guy who already have a boyfriend.
“Look, if he doesn’t have a ring on his finger, then his boyfriend means nothing, okay?!” Luhan tries to argue with his overused point.
“So, if you were the boyfriend, and that guy said the same thing, would you agree to that logic?” Yixing counters.
“If I were him, I’d have put a ring on that finger since day one!”
Yixing rolls his eyes and walks away from that unnecessary mess.
Anyway, Yixing met Jongdae in high school, and somehow they ended up in the same university. After they graduate, they become roommates as they share a two bedrooms apartment in downtown. It’s easy for them to live together, after knowing years of dislikes and pet peeves. Such as Jongdae’s laziness to cleaning the apartment, or Yixing’s irrational fear of birds that fly by the window. They learn to live harmoniously despite of that.
Yixing also learns how to ignore the displays of affection that Jongdae would give towards his boyfriend, or how to escape whenever they’re in an amorous mood. Despite knowing how dirty Jongdae’s mind could be, Yixing tends to believe that Jongdae is “saving himself” for someone special. He knows how ignorant it is, but for the sake of his unrequited feelings, he doesn’t dare to think about those things.
In any case, Jongdae isn’t currently dating since he has been focusing on his career lately. They spend more time watching movies together under a warm blanket on a Friday night. Then, on Saturday, they go out for groceries, and doing random errands together. Their friends have been teasing that they’ve become so domesticated, but Yixing doesn’t pay attention to that, keeping his expectations low.
It’s a good thing he kept his expectations low since Jongdae has been suggesting random guys to Yixing.
“Come on,” the younger whines. “Just one date, and I’ll stop bothering you.”
“He’s not even my type, Dae. What makes you think I’ll agree just because you keep pushing for it?”
“Because you love me?” he teases. “Because I’ll do all the chores for a week if you go for this one date.”
Yixing gives him a judging expression, as if he doesn’t believe the younger’s promise at all.
“I will! I know where the vacuum and the broom is now.”
“Do you even know where the laundry room is?”
“It’s in the basement...” the younger starts to say, but stops once he sees Yixing shaking his head. “Okay, fine. I don’t know where it is, but I’ll figure it out. It’s not rocket science.”
The elder sighs at his words, but he still won’t relent to Jongdae’s wish.
“I just can’t date someone I don’t like. It’s not that easy for me.”
The younger stays quiet for a moment, before another idea pops on his mind.
“Wait, so does this mean you do like someone?”
The elder tries to scoff, but his reaction is a bit too late, and Jongdae has a keen eye for noticing these things.
“Oh my God! We’ve been friends for years, and you didn’t even tell me! Is this what betrayal feels like?!”
“It’s not a big deal,” the elder rolls his eyes.
“It is a big deal. I never see you have a boyfriend, and when you do date, it never goes past the third date. I would think you’re asexual, but I’ve seen your morning wood. Your dick would eventually get bored of your hand, you know.”
Yixing groans loudly at hearing the embarrassing words.
“Please shut up .”
“I still can’t believe you never told me. Who is it? Is it Sehun? He has a nice ass, I guess, but I always thought you’d choose someone smaller, like Baekhyun. Except he’s taken, so he’s out of the equation,” the younger rants despite knowing that Yixing is trying to block out the words. “Oh! What about Junmyeon? Is it him?!”
“I’m not telling you,” the elder insists as he tries to kick Jongdae out of his room. “Now, get out.”
“Come on,” the younger begs. “I won’t bother you for a whole month if you tell me who it is.”
“You say that as if I don’t have the energy to ignore you.”
The younger pouts, and it almost make Yixing want to give up his biggest secret.
Damn that pretty mouth -- Yixing thinks as he stares.
“I’m going to find out eventually, you know. I have my ways!”
“Okay, let me know when you do,” the elder teases before pushing Jongdae out of the room, and locks the door.
As he sighs quietly and stares at the brown door, he wonders if Jongdae will ever figure out the truth one day. He doesn’t know if he wants him to or not.
***
The next weekend, Jongdae and Yixing go to a housewarming party for their friends, Baekhyun and Jongin, who have been dating for a long time. Many people are invited to this event as they see old friends from university too.
As Yixing goes around to say hi, he managed to find Luhan in a corner, spying on his unrequited crush, Minseok. He rolls his eyes at Luhan’s tact before saying hi to the elder.
“He looks really happy with Chanyeol,” Yixing tries to put some common sense into him.
“Pff. That’s what he wants people to think. That elf will probably forget about his upcoming birthday, and I’ll be there to save the day.”
“Right…” he sighs. “Anyway, I almost told him, the other day, about my secret.”
“What secret?”
“How I like him.”
“What?!” Luhan practically shouts, and Yixing hits him for being loud.
“Could you not attract attention?” he mutters angrily.
“Sorry,” Luhan replies sheepishly. “So you told him?”
“No, he just suspects that I like someone.”
The elder stares at him with an unimpressed expression.
“How is that progress?”
“I said, I almost told him. You know how I didn’t want him to know.”
“Your reasons for not telling him is stupid,” Luhan tells him with an exasperated roll of eyes. “We all know you both have feelings for each other.”
“He doesn’t,” Yixing says adamantly.
“He does ! He’s just dense enough to not realize it, and you’re being an idiot for not helping him see the truth.”
“As if you’re any better.”
“I didn’t say I was. Anyway, you should just tell him, otherwise he’s going to think you have a crush on someone, and tries to set you up with him. Then, you’re stuck either going on a date, or telling him the truth.”
“Well, it’s not like going on that date will hurt me.”
“It’ll ruin your chances with him,” the elder deadpans.
Yixing shrugs as he thinks about it. It’s not like Jongdae will end up liking him, anyway.
***
Meanwhile, in the other side of the house, Jongdae is talking to Baekhyun about his current dilemma.
“I just can’t figure it out. I’ve crossed out most of our friends, and I’m left with people that I’m sure Yixing won’t like. I still don’t know who it is,” he complains to Baekhyun as he shows his chart of elimination. “What do you think? Am I missing someone?”
Baekhyun doesn’t bother looking at it, since he already know the answer of Who does Yixing likes?
“Maybe you should look into Yixing’s closest friends, instead of his casual friends,” the elder tries to give a hint.
“Hmm, like his best friend?”
“Exactly!” he grins at the suggestion, hoping that Jongdae will finally realize it.
“Okay, so there’s Luhan, and sometimes Yifan is considered his best friend…”
“Right, and don’t forget his bestest friend!”
Jongdae rolls his eyes at that.
“Baekhyun, you’re taken. You can’t be part of the list.”
The elder gives him a judging look before sighing loudly once he realizes that Jongdae didn’t understand his hint.
“I mean you ! Don’t forget yourself, idiot.”
“Hey! Language!,” the younger scolds. “But I obviously don’t count.”
“I feel like I’ll regret asking this, but why wouldn’t you count?”
“ Because we’ve known each other for years. Wouldn’t it be weird?”
“So? Jongin and I have known each other for years before we started dating.”
“Yeah, but everyone knew that you both like each other.”
“Right...and no one thinks you and Yixing like each other,” he says sarcastically, and per usual, Jongdae misses the tone.
“Exactly!” the younger grins. “But you know, I think we’re getting somewhere. I think I know who it is.”
Baekhyun doesn’t have high hope that Jongdae will get it right, but he is curious on who Jongdae will pick as Yixing’s crush.
“Oh yeah? Who?”
“Luhan! Don’t you think it makes sense? They’re always together when I’m busy, and Yixing probably didn’t want to tell me, because Luhan is always pining over Minseok. He doesn’t want me to pity him.”
Baekhyun sometimes wonder how Jongdae manages to graduate with cum laude, but is dense enough to believe these theories.
“I don’t know what to say anymore,” the elder admits defeat.
Maybe Jongdae will realizes Yixing’s feelings when hell freezes over.
The younger doesn’t seem to notice Baekhyun’s dejected expression as he’s happy with his conclusion. Now, Jongdae can focus on setting up Luhan with Yixing.
***
Jongdae sets up a secret date between Luhan and Yixing for Friday. He tells Luhan to meet him for coffee, pretending that it’ll be an important discussion, and then he tells Yixing to come to the same place, telling him that the shop is giving out free cake at 7 pm. He wishes he could watch from the coffee’s window to see how the date will go, but he’ll be happy enough if Yixing finds his happiness.
An unsuspecting Luhan arrives on time, around 6:55 pm, and he orders a large cup of cappuccino before sitting on the designated spot. Jongdae has told him to sit near the window, so he can easily see Luhan when he arrives to the coffee shop. As the clock approaches to 7, Luhan notices a familiar face, and he waves at Yixing as he enters the shop.
“What are you doing here?” Yixing asks him in amused tone.
“Waiting for Jongdae. He said he needed my help for something.”
“Ah…” Yixing replies.
A waitress walks to them, and gives them two slices of cake, claiming that it has already been paid. She also gives them a piece of paper, which contains Jongdae’s handwriting before walking away.
Surprise! You thought I wouldn’t figure out your crush :p Anyway, have fun on your date!
“What?” Luhan says in a shocked tone. “Why does he think that I’m your crush?”
“I don’t know,” Yixing tells him as he seems shocked by it too.
“See, I told you to tell him the truth,” the elder scolds him before dragging the plate of cake to his side, and eating it. “Hmm, this is pretty good.”
“I’ll just tell him it’s not you.”
“Don’t,” he says to him with a mouthful of cake before swallowing. “You should let him think it’s me. Maybe he’ll get jealous.”
The younger gives him a judging expression as Luhan smirks at him.
“I’m just saying, if he gets jealous, then you’ll know that he has feelings for you. If he doesn’t get jealous, then you’re right, and you can say ‘I told you so’.”
“Fine,” the younger relent as he takes a bite of his cake.
***
Once Yixing gets home, he’s immediately crowded by an enthusiastic Jongdae, asking him a million questions about his date.
“It went fine,” the elder says exasperatedly.
“Really?” Jongdae grins to him. “So is he your boyfriend now?”
“He’s not...at least, not yet. We’re taking it slow.”
“Aww, but that’s so boring.”
“I’m sorry that we’re not going to fuck on our first date,” he replies sarcastically.
“Fine~, but I want to hear about how you confessed to him.”
“Jongdae,” the elder whines, already feeling embarrassed. “You’ve confessed before. You know lame it is.”
“Come on,” the younger begs. “I always tell you about my dates, and the embarrassing stories. It’s your turn.”
“Ugh,” the elder groans, not knowing on how to reply.
“It’s not a big deal. Tell me!”
Yixing sighs as he tries to think of a romantic way to confess to someone. He can only remember the scenarios that he’d imagine doing to Jongdae one day, if he was ever brave enough to admit his feelings. Therefore, he decides to reenact one of those imagination.
He grabs Jongdae’s left wrist as he leads them to the dining table. He stands in front of him, with only two feet separating them.
“Since you wanted to know, I’ll reenact it for you,” the elder explains, while still holding onto the younger’s left hand. “After she gave us your note, Luhan asked on what it meant, so I held his hand like this, and I told him the truth.
‘I’ve like you, for the longest time that I can’t even remember a time when you were just a friend to me. When I think about telling you, I worry about our friendship, and I never want to lose this because of my feelings. Despite that, I still want you, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop wanting you. So please give me a chance, and I’ll try my hardest to make you happy.”
There’s a long silence between them as Jongdae stares at him with an unreadable expression, and Yixing looks back at him, rather seriously. Despite his calm exterior, Yixing can feel his heart beating so hard, and the butterflies in his stomach hasn’t settled. He wonders if he’s foolish for saying these words, but he also feels somewhat relieved to be able to say this for the first time. Despite knowing that Jongdae won’t understand the meaning, maybe this is enough for now.
“So, what do you think? Luhan seemed to like it,” the elder says with a rather sad smile.
“What?” the younger asks in a dazed expression, barely concentrating on what he asked. “Oh, yeah. That sounded...sweet.”
Yixing smiles weakly before telling Jongdae that he’ll rest for a bit before making dinner. As he walks away from the younger, Jongdae stares at his back.
He wonders why he feels so flustered by hearing that confession, as if Yixing was confessing to him. It seems silly to believe that, so he tries to clear his head, but the elder’s words are still in his mind.
***
The next few days, Yixing spends a lot of time with Luhan, mostly because they both work as engineers on the same team, so they tend to do overtime together. Yet, to Jongdae, it seems like they’re always going on dates. He knows he shouldn’t complain, since he was the one who pushed them to be together, but he’s suddenly feeling lonely, and he wishes that Yixing would have more time with him.
Therefore, when Yixing tells him that he’ll go out with Luhan on Saturday, Jongdae immediately disagree with this plan.
“You can’t go,” the younger complains. “You promised to binge watch season 3 of Brooklyn 99 with me. You know that I can’t watch it with anybody else. They’ll just spoil the ending for me.”
“We have the whole weeknights for that,” the elder reasons.
“But you’re always home late, doing things with Luhan ,” the younger rolls his eyes, something that Yixing finds interesting. “It’s my turn.”
“I see, so am I a toy now that you and Luhan are sharing?” the elder teases.
“No,” he pouts. “Just a very sweet guy who should stay home with me.”
He hugs Yixing to keep him close, and to make sure that the elder won’t escape from his clutches.
“What am I supposed to tell Luhan then? He’s going to be sad that I’m not there to keep him company.”
“Tell him that Baekhyun is free for the week, and that he needs a friend too.”
“But I’m supposed to cater to my boyfriend, not my roommate,” he tries to reason half heartedly.
“Hey! Friends before hoes,” the younger demands. “You’ve used that excuse with me when I was dating that asshole, so you can’t escape my clinginess!”
Yixing wouldn’t want to escape this hug anyway, but he does find it interesting that Jongdae is more sensitive about the quality time they’ve spent together.
“I guess I can skip out today,” he pretends to relent.
“And tomorrow,” the younger insists. “It’s 24 episodes, so we need two days. You go make popcorn, and I’ll set up the DVD.”
Jongdae kisses his cheek in gratitude before walking off happily to the living room.
Yixing
8:55 pm
Sorry man, you’re on your own.
Jongdae just guilt tripped me for spending too much time with you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Lu
8:59 pm
Told you that my plan would work
You better make me your best man
Yifan didn’t do shit
Yixing
9:02 pm
Chill...he didn’t even confess
Even if you are right, I’ll only let you pick the suits for the groomsmen
You’ll have to fight for the best man position
Lu
9:03 pm
After all the things I’ve done for you…
Smh
Fine. I hope Jongdae kills you cos I’m choosing pink, and we’re going to look hella gay in that photoshoot
Yixing
9:06 pm
If you think that’ll make you manly ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Lu
9:10 pm
..l..
fu
Yixing chuckles at the last text before he feels Jongdae smacking his arm for being slow.
“Stop texting him,” the younger whines. “I’m important too.”
“Of course you are,” the elder reassures him. “I’m turning it off,” he says as he shuts down his phone to Jongdae’s delight.
He carries the bowl of popcorn to the living room, and allows Jongdae to half sit on his lap as they munch on it. He think about how these kind of days are the best.
***
Jongdae doesn’t like the fact that they’re giving Luhan a ride to Baekhyun’s house, even though the elder’s car is broken. It’s not like Luhan can’t bus to the house.
Who cares if it’s freezing cold outside? He can just suck it up, like anyone else -- he thinks in his head with an annoyed expression.
Despite his objections, Yixing tells him that he can’t leave his boyfriend in the cold street, so they’re currently on the way to his house.
“I’m not moving to the back,” the younger says childishly during the ride. “The passenger seat has seat warmer, and my butt is cold.”
“Alright,” Yixing replies in an amused tone. “But on the way back, can you let him sit in front?”
“ No ,” Jongdae refuses to be understanding. “It’s my car, so he can suck it up or go walk to the bus stop.”
“But I’m the one paying for the installments…”
“I still pay for insurance,” the younger retorts before pouting into the window.
It’s hard for Yixing to not find his behaviour a little cute, even though normally, he wouldn’t let the younger be this spoiled.
Once they pick up Luhan, Jongdae refuses to talk to the elder, besides giving short answers, so Yixing ends up making conversation instead. By the time that they arrive to Baekhyun’s place, Jongdae runs off ahead, and he starts to worry that the younger might be feeling too unhappy.
“He’s fine,” Luhan reasons with him. “He’ll soon realize why he’s always mad at me, and hopefully, you guys will admit your feelings to each other before the new year.”
“What if he doesn’t realize it? What if someone else gives him attention, and he ends up liking him because I’m not around as much?” Yixing worries.
“He won’t. Plus Baekhyun is helping us too. We’re going to make this plan work.”
“Every time you guys say that, I end up having to console him,” Yixing says as he rolls his eyes.
“Exactly! So when he finally get upset, you hug him, stare at his eyes, and kiss him as if your life depends on it.”
“You need to stop watching Disney movies, because that’s not how jealousy works.”
“It’ll work! Just believe in the power of love,” the elder says in a mystical tone.
Yixing walks away from the lame, romantic comments, and hurries up to go inside. It’s getting too cold to stay outside.
***
Jongdae watches from afar with a sulking expression as Yixing and Luhan laugh about something. It’s probably a lame joke, one that’s not very funny, but Yixing’s humor has always been cheesy, and sometimes, Jongdae doesn’t understand it. Luhan is one of the rare person who gets Yixing’s humor, and that’s probably why Yixing likes him so much.
Who wouldn’t like a pretty looking guy who’d laugh at his jokes? Even I would like that kind of person -- Jongdae thinks gloomily, ignoring the concerned expression on Baekhyun’s face.
“So...Yixing and Luhan, huh?” he tries to get a reaction out of Jongdae
“Yeah…” the younger says sadly.
“You must be happy that they’re doing well.”
“I guess.”
“They’ve been friends for so long. Do you think they’ll be like Jongin and I? That they’d move in together, because they’ve known each other for a long time?”
“What?!” the younger looks up in shocked. “He wouldn’t move out! We still have a few months left on our lease.”
“Okay, so maybe after the lease.”
“Well, he won’t. He’s not allowed to. I won’t let him,” he says in adamant tone.
“That sounds a bit controlling,” the elder teases.
“Whatever,” the younger says angrily before huffing off to the kitchen. “Where’s your vodka? I need something stronger than this ridiculous wine.”
“Sure,” the elder shrugs before taking the vodka bottle out of the pantry, and two shot glasses.
As he fills up the glasses, he’s surprised to see Jongdae drinking both of the shots. Then he drinks another shot when Baekhyun refills the first glass.
“More!” the younger demands, pointing to the shot glass.
“Um, maybe just one more.”
“No~ I want two more.”
“You’re going to get drunk, and I don’t need you vomiting on my new, clean kitchen,” the elder scolds.
“Nu uh! Plus you told me how Jongin bent you over the counter…”
“Okay! Let’s get some food inside you,” the elder interrupts loudly, while trying to keep the vodka bottle out of Jongdae’s reach.
“What are you guys doing?” Jongin suddenly asks amusedly.
“Oh thank God. Take the bottle away, and hide it,” Baekhyun tells him as he shoves the bottle to Jongin’s hands. Then he tries to keep Jongdae away from the booze.
“No! Jongin~” Jongdae sings almost drunkenly. ”Give it to me.”
“ Leave ,” the elder orders Jongin with an angry tone. “Or you’re not getting any ass tonight.”
“Alright, alright, I’m going,” Jongin relents as he walks away.
“Come on,” Baekhyun tells Jongdae. “Let’s go to my room, and get some water into you.”
“I don’t wanna,” the younger pouts even as he holds onto Baekhyun.
“I’ll show you the pictures of Jongin cross dressing for me,” the elder bribes with a smirk.
“With the fake wig? Did he look pretty?”
“Yeah, so pretty and sexy,” the elder mumbles as he tries not to think about it.
By the time they reach upstairs, Jongdae lies down on their bed, liking the soft feeling on his cheek. Baekhyun lets him rest as he goes back downstairs to get bottles of water.
“Comfy,” the younger mutters, closing his eyes.
By the time he goes back, he catches Jongdae sniffing on Jongin’s pillow before throwing it away.
“It doesn’t smell nice,” the younger mutters. “Where’s Yixing’s pillow?”
“At home?” the elder replies in amused tone. “You’re at my home, remember?”
“Oh,” the younger suddenly remembers.
“Come drink some water, and I’ll show you the pictures.”
“But only half of the bottle,” the younger argues. “It tastes weird.”
“Fine, whatever.”
As Jongdae drinks some water, Baekhyun takes out his phone and goes through his pictures, trying to find it.
“So is it your kink or something? To have him crossdress?”
“Nah, we just wanted to try something new, and he doesn't mind that one.”
“Ah,” the younger says before he leans over to see the elder’s phone too.
“See,” he shows to Jongdae.
The younger looks surprised to see how well Jongin pulls it off.
“Wow. I’d have never known,” Jongdae tells him.
“Yeah,” the elder smiles, looking at the picture again before locking his phone. “Anyway, it was just a one time thing, and we ended up liking roleplay better, so he doesn’t do this anymore.”
“Ah.”
A silence falls between them as Jongdae drinks more water, and Baekhyun stares at him in worry.
“Did you know that Jongin was dating Sehun before we started dating?”
Jongdae almost chokes on his water, but he manages to swallow before coughing a bit.
“When?! How?!”
“Yeah… He got tired of waiting, you know. He hated seeing me with other people, so he wanted to move on, and Sehun offered to have some fun.”
“Really? For how long?”
“Hmm, maybe about 3 months? I mean it was mostly sex, but I didn’t like seeing them together, and at that time, I didn’t know how I felt about him.”
“Oh.”
“I only figured it out because you told me that I was being jealous, remember? We were at that waffle house and I was ranting to you about how they were being too close, and then you told me I was acting like a jealous boyfriend. I thought you were way off, but you were right. I was really jealous, and I didn’t want Sehun to steal him from me.”
“Ah right, so what did you do again?”
“Well, you know me. I don’t do things without making it dramatic. I basically got mad at Jongin for ditching me, and somehow I ended up saying that he should be with me, not that bubble butt boy.”
Jongdae laughs at that sentence.
“Really? And Jongin broke up with him after that?”
“Well, not immediately, but we did have some awkward moments, and Jongin ended up giving me a chance. In any case, we’re still in a strong relationship.”
The younger nods at that, agreeing that they’re one of the best couples.
“Anyway, when we were talking about Luhan, it made me think about how I was jealous with Sehun.”
“What?!” the younger says in shocked. “It is not the same thing. I’m not jealous.”
“Really?” the elder deadpans. “Because if you were a true friend, you’d be happy for them, and you’d let Yixing move in with Luhan. Instead, you threw a tantrum, and wanted to escape reality by getting drunk.”
“Shut up! I was just having emo moment. I am not jealous. Whatever, he can move in with Luhan for all I care.”
Despite saying those words, Jongdae thinks about how he still doesn’t like this idea, or the fact that Yixing might slowly leave him. Once the seed of doubt has been planted, it’s hard to get it out of his mind.
***
Jongdae blames it all on Baekhyun. Ever since the elder told him that he’s being jealous, he finds it hard to deny the accusation. Especially when he starts having these butterflies in his stomach every time Yixing smiles at him. To make it worse, he can’t seem to stop staring at Yixing’s morning wood, even though it used to not bother him. Now every time Yixing passes by the kitchen, he ends up staring at it, ignoring how his eggs are slowly burning.
He wonders if it’s as thick as it looks, and how long it is in inches. He thinks about having it inside his ass during his morning shower, and he ends up wasting time jerking off than washing his hair. Then, when he’s too lonely at night, he thinks about kissing the elder, or cuddling with him. He thinks if Yixing is the type to make love slowly, or if he’d go fast and intense. All of this imagination is making him restless, but also happy in a way.
It also makes his day when Yixing spends less time with Luhan, and they spend the day cuddling, watching tv. He sometimes stares at Yixing’s expression as the elder laughs at a pun joke, or looks confused when they’re explaining something complicated. He wonders if he’s falling too deep into this feeling.
“What’s wrong?” the elder asks him, catching him in his staring phase.
“Huh? Nothing,” the younger denies as he blush in embarrassment.
“It doesn't look like nothing,” he teases.
“I was thinking about something stupid. Just watch your show.”
“But you’re not enjoying it,” the elder pouts.
“It’s okay. I made you watch so many episodes for Brooklyn 99. I owe you one.”
“You better not hold this against me next week.”
“I won’t,” he promises before looking back to the tv, and placing his head on Yixing’s chest.
***
Jongdae was okay with not labeling his feelings yet, because he was still unsure. He didn’t want to tell Yixing in case this was a temporary feeling. However, lately, all he wanted to do was to grab Yixing’s shirt and kiss him before he leaves. He hates how much frustration he feels inside, and maybe this is the same feeling that Baekhyun felt when he saw Jongin with Sehun. Therefore he texts the elder, asking for advice.
Jongdae
5:30 pm
You were right
Baekhyun
5:32 pm
I’m always right, but which one is this about?
Jongdae
5:33 pm
I am jealous...I guess
Baekhyun
5:35 pm
Well duh
What happened? Did you finally snapped like I did?
Jongdae
5:38 pm
No!
I’m not as dramatic as you
I just keep thinking about him, lately
It’s weird, but I also like it?
Baekhyun
5:40 pm
Ah…
Like...his huge dick?
Jongdae
5:41 pm
-.-
I’m not you
Pervert
Baekhyun
5:43 pm
Sounds fake, but okay
Jongdae
5:46 pm
It’s more than that
I keep thinking about kissing him, and I’m scared that once I do, these feelings will be gone
Baekhyun
5:47 pm
It won’t
Trust me
You’ve always been in love with him, and kissing him won’t change that
Jongdae
5:48 pm
I’m not in love with him
Wtf did you get that idea?
Baekhyun
5:50 pm
You can both deny it, but you’re both in love with each other
Now go fucking kiss him, and then go fuck him
Afterwards, tell me his size...thx babe
Jongdae
5:51 pm
Wth baekhyun?!!!!
We’re not in love with each other
Why would you think that?!
Baekhyun
5:52 pm
Omg stop being in denial
He’s been in love with you for years
I wanted to keep this secret to my grave, but that boy deserves some love
Will you just fucking believe me and kiss him already?
Jongdae
5:54 pm
What about Luhan?
I hate the guy, but he doesn’t deserve to be cheated on
Baekhyun
5:56 pm
It’s cute that you think they’re dating
Luhan been messing with you since day 1
His goal was to make you jealous, which clearly worked
Jongdae gasps at the message, wondering why all of his friends are keeping these secrets from him. He wonders if he should be mad, but yet, strangely, he feels a bit relieved that Yixing isn’t dating Luhan.
Baekhyun
5:58 pm
Anyway…
When you guys get married, I better be your fucking best man
Chanyeol doesn’t deserve that spot!!!
Jongdae
6:00 pm
Bitch pls...
You can’t even plan your own god damn bday party without burning the catered foods
Plus idgaf about wedding planning, so I’m letting Kyungsoo handle it
Baekhyun
6:02 pm
Your wedding theme is going to be goth
Bookmark me
Jongdae
6:03 pm
It’ll still be better than your trainwrecked wedding ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Baekhyun
6:05 pm
Yeah...I can’t even defend myself lmao
***
Jongdae spends a few days thinking about Baekhyun’s words. Even though the elder has a tendency to exaggerate, he knows that Baekhyun would never lie about things that relate to his feelings. It’d be mean of him to do so, and Baekhyun isn’t the type to prank someone like this.
Therefore, he watches closely on how Luhan and Yixing interact with each other. Besides the random touches and jokes, they’ve never gone further than to hug each other, and they haven’t even kissed. He bets he could dare them to kiss, and they’d still hesitate before doing so.
Maybe Baekhyun is right, but what about the claim of Yixing being in love with him? Or that he’s in love with Yixing?
Jongdae still doesn’t know if his feeling is that deep, so he tries googling about it. He sees a list of symptoms, and he thinks that he’s got most of the symptoms already by now. The constant staring, how he can’t stop thinking about Yixing’s smile, how he’s thinking about doing gross romantic stuff with Yixing, and finally, how he feels so happy whenever he spends time with him.
So maybe he is falling in love for him, and now he just needs to know if Yixing still feel the same way. At least, he hopes that Yixing hasn’t forgotten him.
He just need to confess to Yixing, and this will all be over. Except, why is it so hard to say three little words? Shouldn’t it be as easy as saying ‘I’m sorry’?
He keeps finding excuses to not say it, and even Baekhyun is threatening to spill the truth through text messages.
The catalyst comes when Jongdae hears rumors that Luhan is moving to a new apartment, and that he’s looking for a new roommate. Despite knowing that they’re not a couple, Jongdae still worries that Yixing might follow Jongin’s footsteps one day, and move out. He no longer needs encouragement as he rushes to go home, hoping that Yixing hasn’t gone out yet.
Once he enters, he sees Yixing carrying a box of his stuff, and his heart drops, fearing the worst already.
“You can’t!” he shouts.
“What?” the elder asks in confusion.
“You can’t move out. I’m not letting you,” the younger tells him adamantly.
Yixing is about to retort, but Luhan interrupts him. Jongdae wonders how he didn’t even notice that asshole.
“Well, too bad. He already agreed to move in with me. He just didn’t know on how to tell you.”
“Luhan…” Yixing tries to tell him off, but Jongdae interrupts him this time.
“But what about our lease? What about our movie nights?” the younger says brokenly. “I know I’m the worst roommate, but I thought you like living with me.”
“Dae,” Yixing steps closer as he can’t just stand and watch Jongdae cry for no reason. Except the younger won’t let him hug him.
“Don’t leave me. You can’t leave me when I finally figure it out.”
“I’m not leaving you,” Yixing promises him, wiping his tears. “Don’t listen to Luhan. I won’t leave you.”
Luhan suddenly feels guilty for causing this emotional trainwreck, so he silently tiptoes to the front door, and runs out before Yixing can yell at him for being an asshole.
“I’ll be a better roommate,” the younger tells him shakily despite his hiccups.
“I know. Can I hug you now?” the elder asks gently.
“Okay,” he whispers and he lets Yixing pull him into the tightest hug.
He wonders why he deserves such a great guy, when Yixing can have practically anyone else. Yet, despite thinking this, he doesn’t want to lose him, ever.
“Xing,” the younger mumbles into his chest.
“Yeah?”
“I never want to leave you. I want to stay by your side,” the younger says as he looks into the elder’s eyes.
“I know,” the elder smiles warmly.
“Not like that,” the younger argues. “I mean…”
Jongdae hesitates as he stares at Yixing’s expression, full of curiosity. He knows he won’t have any regrets saying the three simple words, but he’s still anxious on how Yixing would react.
“Like what?”
“You,” the younger automatically responses. “I mean, I like you.”
The elder stares at him in shock, not moving the hands on his hips, and Jongdae suddenly feel extremely shy. It feels like confessing to his first crush all over again. It takes a while before Yixing lets go of him, and takes a step back. The younger looks up, worried that Yixing might dislike his confession.
“Don’t joke about that.”
“I’m not!” the younger insists. “I would never joke about this. Don’t you believe me?”
“I don’t know,” the elder admits. “I don’t know if you’re just saying this because of what Luhan did, or…”
“I’m not! I mean it,” Jongdae says frustratedly. “I’ve like you since weeks ago, but I just didn’t know on how to tell you, and then Baekhyun told me how you’ve been in love with me…”
“What?! He told you that?!”
“Fuck,” the younger swears, realizing he slipped a secret. “That’s not the point. The point is I wouldn’t lie to you about this. I really like you, and I don’t want to lose you, even if it means that you’d rather just be friends.”
“I…” the elder seems speechless at the confession, as if he doesn’t know on how to reply to this. “I need to think for a minute.”
“Oh,” he says disappointedly.
There’s a moment of struggle as Yixing grabs his coat and keys, and Jongdae doesn’t know what to do, except to stand there and hope that the elder won’t reject him in the end.
As the elder reaches to the door, Jongdae’s heart starts to plummet, and he wonders if this is what it feels like to have his heart broken. He certainly hasn’t felt pain as much as this before.
“Just give me an hour,” Yixing tells him, unable to look at the younger’s face. “I promise I’ll be back.”
Jongdae stands there for the longest time, not realizing that he’s been crying, before he moves towards Yixing’s room. He climbs into the elder’s bed, and hugs the familiar pillow that he’d steal at random times. As he lets his tears flow, he wonders if Yixing will actually come back within an hour.
***
Yixing doesn’t know why he ran away. His heart wanted him to stay, but his brain felt so confused. He doesn’t know why Jongdae would suddenly confess to him, and whether the confession is actually real. He knows he should be more trusting towards the younger, but it’s been years of false hope, and he’s tired. He doesn’t want another false expectation. Therefore, he walks away, just to clear his head.
He thought walking away would be better, that he could rationalize his thoughts and decides on what he’d do. Except, all he can think about is Jongdae’s sad expression, and the fact that he left him there, crying his eyes out. Out of all the times Yixing has punched Jongdae’s ex boyfriends, the elder knows he’s being an asshole as much as they were.
He sighs heavily as he sits in a nearby bench. He’s honest enough to admit that he’s scared. Confessing to Jongdae would be the last step to being together, which means all the things he had dreamt of, it’d happen. But what if his imagination is too good? What if things go horrible and they break up? Would they still stay friends?
Yixing really hopes so, because his friendship with Jongdae is as important.
Despite thinking about all that fear, there’s still a big part of him that wants to try this. His heart still wants to kiss the younger, and his mind agrees that loving Jongdae is something he always thinks about. So maybe the decision is easier than he thought.
As he stands up from the bench, he thinks about how Jongdae has the same fear as he does. Otherwise, the younger wouldn’t have said that he was okay with staying as friends. He supposes he’s not alone in this, and he takes another step toward his home.
Seeing Jongdae in his bed seems normal these days, but seeing the tear stained face makes him feel guilty. The younger manages to fall asleep after crying his heart out, and Yixing only has himself to blame as he sighs solemnly.
He brushes the younger’s hair back, and kisses his forehead, before shrugging off his coat, and climbing gently into his bed. He knows that he can’t turn back time, so he can only make it up from now on.
As he holds on to Jongdae’s body, he feels at peace, knowing that he has made the right decision. He realizes that they’ll be okay, and they have each other from now on.
When Jongdae wakes up, hours later, feeling hungry from skipping dinner, he realizes he’s being held as he twists around and faces the holder. He rubs his dry eyes as he recognizes Yixing’s face in front of him, and that the elder’s arm is wrapped around his waist.
“Hi,” the elder says softly, as he brushes the younger’s sticky bangs away from his face.
“You came back,” the younger whispers as he suddenly remembers on what happened before.
“Yeah,” he says guiltily. “I shouldn’t have done that to you. That wasn’t right, to leave you alone like that.”
Jongdae shakes his head, refusing to let the elder blame himself.
“I’m sorry,” Yixing whispers. “It’s just so hard for me to believe this, and I didn’t want to have high expectations, in case you changed your mind.”
“But…”
“I know you won’t,” the elder reassures him. “I know that now.” He hesitates before saying the next thing. “I’ve like you for a long time. It still feels weird to me, to hear you say it.”
“I like you,” the younger tells him with a grin. “I’ll keep saying it until you’re used to it.”
The elder smiles at the words, feeling his heart beats faster.
“So, what should we do now? Should I take you out on a date?” he asks almost jokingly, despite feeling nervous asking this.
“I don’t care,” the younger admits. “We can do whatever you want, as long as we do something together.”
“Okay, then let’s go to this dance class for beginners. You’ll love it,” the elder teases.
Jongdae wants to make a sarcastic reply to it, but instead he agrees, knowing that Yixing usually relents to his whims at other times.
“It’s no fun if you just agree,” Yixing ends up pouting.
“Well, I’ll have my revenge on the next date,” the younger argues, sticking his tongue out.
The elder smiles at that reaction, and at a rare moment, he listens to his brain as it tells him to kiss the younger. It’s a small peck on the lips, but Jongdae was shocked enough to not kiss him back.
“Oh, uh,” the elder panics once he realizes his mistake. “Crap.”
Jongdae doesn’t seem to mind as he stretches up, and kisses Yixing softly for a few seconds.
“I’m hungry,” he immediately after their kiss, effectively ruining their mood.
The elder groans before agreeing as well.
***
Random Scene #1
“Wait,” Yixing stops Jongdae before he can unzip the elder’s pants. “I need you to promise me something for the rest of your life.”
“Can’t this wait until after ?” the younger whines, hating the fact they’ve stopped touching each other.
“No, this is important. More important than our birthday deal.”
“ Fine , just tell me already.”
“You can’t tell Baekhyun about my size, whether it’s inches or cm, you can’t tell him anything about it.”
“Not that I would in the first place, but why not?” the younger is now curious.
“It’s just a secret that I’d like to hold over Baekhyun,” the elder reasons with a smirk before kissing him again.
Random scene #2
They were cuddling one night, talking about their future, when Yixing mentions about weddings, and Jongdae is suddenly excited at being married one day. As they tease each other about what kind of wedding they’d do, Yixing suddenly remembers a promise he made to Luhan.
“Oh, I almost forgot,” the elder says as Jongdae is about to fall asleep. “I made a silly promise to Luhan a while ago, but I’m sure he’d remember these things.”
“As long as he’s not the stripper in your bachelor party, I don’t really care,” the younger mutters before turning around to lay his head on Yixing’s chest.
“So...you’re okay if he makes the groomsmen wear pink?”
“Pink?” Jongdae asks after a moment of silence. “Like baby pink or neon pink?”
“Uh, I don’t know. He just said pink.”
“I guess if he wants to. As long as he’s only doing your groomsmen, not mine.”
“Yeah?” the elder ask for confirmation again. “You’re the best, love.”
“Don’t say that just yet. I also have to tell you something.”
“What is it?”
“Well, Baekhyun wanted to be the best man, and you know that I’d never agree to his unorganized ass.”
“Right…”
“So I said I’d make Kyungsoo to be our wedding planner.”
“Really? That’s funny.”
“Funny because our wedding would be black theme?” the younger teases.
“It’d be funny to see Luhan stutter in front Kyungsoo,” the elder tells him, already thinking of ways to embarrass his oldest friend.
Jongdae hums as he slowly descends to deep sleep, and Yixing kisses his forehead before muttering goodnight.