Work Text:
It's the night before the full moon and Remus can't sleep… His head pounds and the cold sweat rising on his skin is uncomfortable against his bedsheets. Though he tries to cast warming charms, he just can't feel the comforting heat they usually yeild.
He sighs and the exhalation stings, his throat raw and scratchy, like the beginnings of a slow cold. Finding his attempt at sleep completely fruitless, he quietly slips from his dorm room, leaving the other occupants breathing steadily into the night.
Parchment and quills tucked under one weak arm, a heavy book in the other, Remus descends the stairs to the common room. Careful to make no noise, he treads upon the stone with soft steps.
The fire awaits him, smouldering gently in the hearth, almost burned out, but hanging on enough to warm Remus. He settles down into the chair closest, huddling in against the faint heat from the shifting embers. It's nice… It thaws the aching cold in his gut.
The glow from the fire sheds an orange glow upon the parchment Remus spreads out on top of his book, but as he picks up the quill to start writing, he finds it impossible. The shaking of his hands impacts his grip on the tool, it's weak and he can barely make coherent words upon his page.
Frustration fills him and he throws the quill into the fire, fighting tears as he watches the feather shrivel in the heat and disappear. Sometimes he wishes he would disappear… It would be for the best.
Possibly, death is a peaceful place; a place where Remus wouldn't need to deal with this every month. The pain, the screaming. Loss of control. Instead of insistent insomnia, he would finally be able to rest.
He finds himself sniffing deeply as his nose threatens to run, swiping quickly at his face with his jumper sleeve to dispel any fallen tears or snot. He feels utterly pathetic, in both an emotional and physical sense, he's weak.
He hadn't heard footsteps, but when his sleeve leaves his face, a pair of socked feet meet his gaze. He looks up and standing before him is Lily, her brows furrowed in concern as she reaches towards Remus with a tentative hand.
He forces a smile, “Lily…”
Her voice is hushed when she speaks, “You okay?”
Remus mulls possible answers over in his head… if he were to lie, he could send Lily straight back up to her bed and suffer the rest of the night alone. Truthfully, though, he isn't okay. And Lily can see that - she knows him too well to fall for a badly formed lie.
He can tell in the way her eyes look to his, as if she were trying to solve a particularly difficult arithmancy question. Scanning his face for clues of what could be the problem, already thinking of how to fix it.
He allows the put upon smile to drop from his face as he takes a deep breath and gestures to the high windows with an unsteady hand. The moon shines brightly and so nearly full… Just the sight of it makes Remus feel nauseous with dread.
Lily turns her head to gaze out of the high windows, and then back to the boy in the armchair. Remus catches the clean scent of her shampoo as she moves, studies her features as the realisation dawns on her.
“I didn't even notice… The month went by so quick,” Lily says. Her voice is thick with emotion and her eyebrows draw upwards in a way that shows she's holding onto her tears.
Remus must look pitiful, drawn in and curled over in a chair that's much too large for him. But he rolls his eyes, “Don't cry for me…”
She scrubs at her nose quickly and grins, “I'm not crying… And if I were it'd be because I'll have to deal with James and Sirius alone until you're back from the hospital wing.”
Remus’ laughter is released in a harsh kind of snort and he finds himself grinning back, “I'll be back in no time, promise.”
A redness lingers on Lily's freckled cheeks and nose, but her eyes lose that glassy sheen of tears and she smiles again. She regards Remus with an air of compassion, kind to a fault. Her hand still hovers between them, almost as if she feels the need to get permission.
Remus nods to the empty space. “You can touch me, I won't fall apart,” he urges, finding himself yearning for her hands on his skin.
She chuckles lightly, balls her fist as if to give him the regular treatment of a thump to the upper arm. But she shakes out her hand before threading it through Remus’ hair.
Her fingers feel warm against his chilled scalp and she twirls a lock of brown hair between her fingers. The boy leans into her touch, coming forwards until he can rest his head against her sternum. Remus feels her stomach rise and fall, so he matches his own breathing to her steady rhythm.
They stay still for a few minutes before Lily moves, breaking the contact briefly. She kneels down before the plush chair and settles between Remus’ legs.
She reaches up with her hand and traces the shell of the boy's ear, before tugging it gently, guiding him down to her once more. Though, this time she rests her forehead against Remus’.
He feels his heart swell… Even when she would reject James every other day, Remus and Lily had been friends. Over the years at Hogwarts, they've studied together, spent time on prefect duties together, shared notes after Remus’ absence from classes. In the past few years, something sweet and gentle had grown between them - a friendship Remus treasures.
Hot tears prick at the back of eyes, but he doesn't let them fall. Comfort when he feels his worst somehow evokes this reaction from him… The realisation that people actually care sends him straight to tears.
It's a strange emotion - safety. Feeling secure in someone else's love for you, and being confident in your own returned affection is so sweet and soothing, like honey when you have a sore throat.
But a spoonful of honey can't cure Remus’ woes, won't stop the inevitable tomorrow evening. His breath hitches in his throat but he breathes deeply against the tightening there.
“Your head aches really bad, huh?” Lily states more than asks. “I think I have some pain relief potions in my room… Though, maybe a Dreamless Sleep would be better suited?” Lily asks, weighing all options.
Her forehead wrinkles against Remus’ own as she frowns in contemplation and the boy pulls away to smooth out the creases with the pad of his thumb. “Don't think so hard,” he says, light hearted.
Lily rolls her eyes, “Remus, I swear I'm not afraid to hit you…” She warns, before mellowing out once again, “What will help, though?”
Remus sighs, gives in to her fussing, “You have no idea how good Dreamless Sleep sounds right now…”
Lily nods decisively, “I'll be right back, okay?”
Remus nods, and leans back into the chair, trying to ignore the aches from deep inside his muscles and bones, preparing to move and shift tomorrow night. He barely waits five minutes before Lily is back, padding down the stairs in her ridiculously fluffy socks.
The potion bottle glows in a familiar violet shade and as Lily grows closer, she lifts the glass stopper from the bottle with a melodic clink. The heavy scent of lavender permeates the air and that in itself is soothing.
“Drink up,” Lily advises, extending the bottle to Remus. Their hands brush as he takes the bottle and the glass is chilling against his fingers.
The boy downs the potion in a mere two mouthfuls and Lily nods in a satisfied manner as he hands her the empty bottle.
“Do you need a hand getting back to your room? It should kick in soon… And I know how weak you get before…” She doesn't finish, but what she means is heavily implied - Before the full moon, before the Change.
Remus resists the feeling of embarrassment as he almost tears up again, his emotions tonight are having a field day, maybe he should just cry and get it all out. Things are looking like they're going in that direction. “No… I can't get warm up there. Wan’ to stay by the fire,” he explains, wrapping his arms around himself.
Lily nods, twirls her long hair in a way Remus has identified as anxiety over the years. She looks towards the stairs that lead to her dormitory and back to the boy in the chair, “You want me to stay with you?”
Remus chews his lip, he feels awful as he avoids eye contact and nods. He hasn't felt this bad before the full moon in months, what's different about this month, he hasn't a clue. Maybe he just hasn't the emotional fortitude to cope this time around…
Lily nods without hesitation and makes her way back to Remus, grabbing a plush scarlet blanket from a worn in sofa on her way over.
“Shove over then,” She suggests as she wiggles down beside the boy in his armchair.
The both of them being fairly small framed means they fit well in the armchair, even if they're a little snug. Lily wiggles around until she feels comfortable and drapes the blanket over the both of them.
Remus leans into her and the pure heat that radiates from her form is unfair, she's so warm in comparison to his chilled skin. Her warmth is soothing against his body, and the boy feels himself warming up.
He tugs at the blanket and Lily gives him more to nestle down into, it's so impossibly soft… Remus sighs deeply as he trails his fingertips over the plush fabric. He's okay, things will be okay.
“How did you find me anyway? It must be almost 2am…” Remus wonders aloud, his voice hushed against Lily's hair.
The girl laughs softly, a sweet exhalation of air. Though quiet, it's a bright sound in comparison to the darkness closing in around them. “A well timed piss,” She states and Remus can't help but laugh too.
“Fair enough,” He replies, his voice heavy with sleep.
Remus frowns in curiosity as Lily starts patting around beside the chair, apparently in search of something. When she lands on the lost object, she holds it up in triumph. Remus’ book.
“You want me to read until you're asleep?” She squints at the title in the dim firelight. “Ah, History Of Magic, that'll make anyone drift off, right?”
Remus smiles into the red locks under his nose and nods gently, “Yes, please…”
Lily opens the book at a random page and starts to read off the page, her voice is barely a whisper and Remus finds his eyes finally drooping closed.
“You're one of a kind, you know, Lils,” Remus whispers.
“Don't you forget it,” She says, lips curling into a playful smirk as she looks to him. “Now, shut it and rest.”
Grinning one last time, Remus settles back comfortably and wraps an arm around Lily, one hand coming to rest on her shoulder, locks of red hair twirled around his fingers comfortably.
With her soft voice mingling with the crackle of embers in the hearth, the boy drifts off into a deep and uninterrupted sleep.