Work Text:
“How do I say fuck you in flower?”
Theo doesn't get paid nearly as much as he should for this. “What?”
“Basically, I accidentally smashed my neighbors flowerpot but she's a bitch so I didn't really care but my mom's making me buy her flowers to apologize, and she is like a flower guru and knows all the meanings and she thinks I'm too dumb to, probably so I wanna say a passive aggressive fuck you, with flowers, so mom thinks I'm apologizing but really I'm winning a war.”
Theo doesn't think he's ever heard anyone say so much in one breath so fast. He also doesn't think he's ever seen eyes this pretty before and wow, blue is probably his new favorite color. If he wasn't so good at hiding his reactions he would've continued to gape in awe. As it is, all he does is nod and stare at the flower guide behind the counter. He's memorized half of the flower meanings, honestly. So maybe he was meant to have them all down pat two weeks ago but he’s a busy person, okay?
Theo's really not sure how to say ‘fuck you’ in flower and he does only have about three of the flower meanings in his head (it's ten times that if Deaton asks, understand?). But what Theo does know is that he loves messing with people, and since this guy apparently has no clue when it comes to flowers (someone more clueless than Theo is hard to find), he finds himself pointing towards the jasmine display. “I recommend those, plus some of the corianders. That'll really get the message across.” Theo doesn't even feel guilty as the guy flashes him a grateful smile and slaps his money on the counter.
Theo's not expecting to see the guy again, really. The only person who comes to the flower shop regularly while he's on shift is the middle aged lady who he's pretty sure lives a few units down from the shop. He's also pretty sure she just comes in to flirt with him and her way of doing that is discussing flowers which is a terrible way to try and seduce him because he doesn't even like flowers, he's only working there because he lost his job at Walmart and apparently no one wants to hire people who get fired from Walmart except for flower shops. He tries to deflect her, but he's been trying to be more polite lately and being polite unfortunately didn't involve screaming ‘leave me the fuck alone’ at middle aged ladies.
She just so happens to be hovering in the corner doing who knows with the hydrangea display when the guy comes back, just a day later. Theo raises his eyebrows at him as he bursts through the doors, face red and chest heaving. He begins to wonder if this guy knows how to make a normal entry.
He also wonders if he should find someone this disheveled so attractive, but he digresses.
“Hey, uh, Raeken!” Theo stares at him, unimpressed. He's beginning to really hate the name tag he has to wear. It's neon orange. His work shirt is green. Theo hates his job.
“It's Theo. Raeken’s my last name.”
“I'm Liam,” the guy, Liam, continues, as though Theo isn't currently death staring him. It's seven in the morning and he had been woken up at four by his neighbors dog, excuse him if he's in a bad mood. “And since you were great at helping me out yesterday, her reaction was hilarious, I thought you could help me out again.”
“What with.” Theo internally cringes at how dead he sounds, and he glances over his shoulder to check if Deaton heard. He didn't.
“See, there's this girl I like,” Liam says earnestly. Great, Theo thinks. That's right up his alley. He's always trying to impress girls with flowers, isn't he? “And I thought you'd know what flowers they might like? Or know what meanings they have so I can be super thoughtful without seeming too obsessive, you know? Like if they search up the meanings it's sweet but it's not like oh I put a creepy amount of effort in?”
“No I don't know what flowers girls like, just go with roses or something.”
“You're a florist! Don't you know this stuff?” Liam asks and Theo feels more offended than he should, seeing as he's probably the worst florist in the history of ever.
“Of course I know.” Lies. He leans back and casts his eyes over the meaning list he has taped to the computer. “Red chrysanthemums. Not too obvious like roses, but the meaning is still pretty easy to pick up on.” There. That sounded like he knows what he's talking about, for sure.
“Great, thanks! I knew you were good at this.”
If Theo has a laughing fit once Liam leaves, then no one has to know.
(Except for Deaton. He has a habit of knowing everything and Theo thinks it's just a little bit creepy.)
Theo's theory of the guy not being able to enter a place civilly is further proven when, one week later, he knocks over the window display while opening the door. Theo is almost impressed, the door doesn't open in the direction of the window display and it must take a particular lack of coordination to screw up that badly. He says almost because he's the one who's going to have to clean it up.
“How can I help.” No matter how straight faced Theo is, he's beginning to find this guy pretty amusing.
“Another date,” Liam says breathlessly, his eyes scanning the damage he's caused. “Do you want me to clean that up, or-?”
“No, it's fine,” Theo tells him. If he times it right and Deaton catches him in the midst of sorting out the mess, he'll probably get paid extra for the day.
“Okay, so this time it's a guy and I don't want anything over the top but I think he likes gladiolas? But I wanted to throw in something extra,” Liam says, and Theo nods and carefully extracts a bunch of flowers from the wall display beside him.
“Freesias,” Theo says simply.
“Can I ask why?”
“All the guys I've dated who liked flowers thought the freesias were cool. Don't ask why because I don't know. They're also my second favorite flower, so they can't be all bad.” Theo doesn't actually have a favorite flower, or a second favorite flower, he hates flowers. But he feels like Liam could use some reassurance, so. Why can't freesias be his second favorite?
“So you like guys? So do I! Well, I'm also into girls but guys too, you know? Well of course you did because I just told you I'm going out with a guy. Which I totally am, by the way. There was actually this one time when-"
“So, freesias?” Theo asks, raising an eyebrow as he tries to hide his smirk.
Liam cuts himself off, his cheeks tinted red. “Sorry! Sometimes I ramble on and don't know when to stop talking and I...I'm doing it again, aren't I. You know what, I'm just gonna go.”
Theo waits until he’s at the door before calling after him. “Did you want the flowers, or…”
“Oh! Yeah! Um.” Theo can't help but chuckle as Liam turns around, and suddenly he can't wait til the next time he shows up.
Liam makes another unusual appearance the next week. And by unusual, it's unusual for him, he simply opens the door and st rolls up to the counter, perfectly composed. Theo is slightly concerned.
“Are you alright?” He asks, causing Liam to frown.
“I think so. Are you alright? You don't seem as grumpy as usual.”
“I am not grumpy-"
“Yes, you are,” Theo's co-worker Isaac says as he waltzes past. Theo narrows his eyes at him. It’s the middle of summer, and he’s still wearing scarves. Theo doesn't trust him one bit.
“So, what is it today?” Theo questions, leaning his forearms on the counter. Liam tilts his head.
“I wanted to buy some dahlias for my mom,” he says, nodding as he speaks. “Yeah.”
“You're weird, you know that?” Theo tells him as he prepares the flowers.
“I get that a lot. Personally, I don't see it.” Theo snorts out a laugh. He's been laughing more, since Liam became a regular at the flower shop.
He tries not to read into it.
The next time he shows up, he asks Theo what his favorite flower is.
“I know your second favorite’s freesias, but what's your favorite? Is it sunflowers? I feel like you're a sunflower kind of guy,” Liam says from where he's perched on the end of counter. Theo doesn't know why he's sitting there or when he intends on leaving, but he can't really bring himself to mind it.
“Lilies,” Theo says after a while, and Liam's head shoots up.
“Really? My mom likes them too!”
“Wow, we have so much in common,” Theo drawls. He, of course, doesn't particularly like lilies either. But they're his sister's favorite, so they may as well be his too. Liam plucks a few lilies off of the wall beside him and squints at the other arrangements of flowers. “Which ones are freesias?” Theo wordlessly points to a bundle just above Liam's head. The latter reaches up and grabs a fee before hopping off of the counter and slapping some money on it.
“Who’re they for this time?” Theo's expecting Liam to tell him about another date, but instead the latter aims finger guns at the former.
“All yours, Raeken.” Theo stares at Liam's retreating back for a few moments before he's realized what's happened.
“It's Theo!” He calls after him, but all Liam does is wave a hand in the air dismissively. Theo shakes his head and grins, staring down at the flowers on the counter. He wonders whether or not he should tell Liam that he hates flowers, but decides against it. He'll just give them to Tara instead.
A week later, they're still in Theo's kitchen, but nobody has to know that.
“Hey, Liam,” Theo says calmly, completely ignoring the fact that Liam is wearing a tux even though it seems incredibly out of character for him. Okay, so maybe not completely ignoring, because if Theo thought he was hot before then well. His brain has another thing coming.
“Hi, I actually-wait. So I have another date tonight and he's apparently a mega flower nerd. Probably knows more about flowers than you.” Theo doesn't doubt it. At this point, Liam probably knows more than he does.
“Really,” Theo deadpans, trying to keep his face blank.
“Yeah, crazy right? Anyway I really wanna impress him, and you've been really great at choosing flowers so far so I thought I'd just let you pick something out?”
Between now and the last time Liam has asked him for flower advice for a date, Theo had realized what the churning in his stomach was. And since Liam had come in the first time, Theo had gotten curious and googled how to say fuck you in flower. He'd spent...longer than he probably should have combing through the results that popped up. But no one (apart from his internet provider, maybe. He wouldn't be surprised if they spent hours scrolling through his search history. Not that he spent hours researching flowers, of course. No way) had to know that.
The point is, he now knows exactly what to put in a ‘fuck you’ bouquet and he fully intends to utilize the post it stuck on the inside of his shirt pocket.
“Orange lilies, yellow carnations, foxglove. Marigold and geraniums. I'm sure he'll love it,” Theo grins, trying not to look too evil. Judging by how taken aback Liam looks, he's probably failed.
“Right, well, thanks Theo. I'll just, ah, hang over here for a bit,” Liam says awkwardly, moving so he’s standing a bit away from the counter. Theo arches an eyebrow at him.
“What are you doing?”
“We're going to the restaurant over there,” he explains, seeming sheepish for some reason. Theo glances across the road, narrowing his eyes at the restaurant there. He can see inside from where he's standing, so he'll probably be able to see most of Liam’s date. Not that he'd be watching, of course. That would be even creepier than the middle aged lady giggling while staring at him from across the shop.
He decides that it's not that creepy, really. He just wants to see Liam get slapped in the face, is all. There's no other reason his eyes are drifting to their table as he cleans the windows. That, at least, he can do without having to know an obscene amount about flowers. Who has the spare time to memorize that crap? Certainly not Theo.
He does, however, have the time to stare at Liam as he chats to his date. He has no idea where Liam’s put the bouquet, but it becomes apparent when the waiter brings them the bill and it's clutched in his hand. Liam sends several looks at the flower shop while this is happening and Theo ducks his head each time, trying to act natural and pretend he hasn't been watching them the entire time.
Liam has a smile on his face as he says something to his date. Theo suddenly feels a stab of guilt. After all, who is he to dictate Liam’s love life? He may sort of have a crush on him but what if he's just singlehandedly ruined Liam’s life? He's actually put down the cloth he's holding, moving towards the door but he freezes when the guy Liam’s with extends his arm and slaps Liam right across the face. Theo sees his lips move, can tell he's yelling, hell he can even hear his voice from here. What he finds odd is how Liam still seems to be smiling. The guy storms out moments later and Liam turns to the waiter and Theo can imagine he's probably apologizing. He doesn't expect for him to then exit the restaurant and walk straight for the flower shop.
Theo dives for the cloth, trying to appear calm and collected but probably looking like he's constipated instead.
“How'd the date go?” Theo asks as though he hasn't been watching them for the past hour and thirty nine minutes. He's even been keeping count, that's how pathetic he is.
“I get the feeling you already know,” Liam says casually, leaning against the window that Theo had spent an hour cleaning.
“You're ruining my cleaning job,” he says, feeling the need to point this out to Liam. The other boy just smirks, however, and stays where he is.
“And you ruined my date. What'd the flowers mean, by the way?”
Theo stares at him, mouth hanging open. Of course Liam would know he purposely gave him flowers with terrible meanings, but he didn't think the boy would actually confront him about it. Theo considers lying, but he feels like Liam really doesn't deserve that after being bitch slapped.
“Geraniums, stupidity. Yellow carnations are disappointment.” Theo lowers his eyes, not wanting to meet Liam’s. “Foxglove is insincerity. Orange lilies represent hatred and the marigolds, well, I thought they looked nice?”
Liam snorts, causing Theo to look up. “Marigolds, apparently, mean jealously or death, usually.”
“Weird,” Theo says blankly.
“Do you wanna tell me why you did it?”
“It was fuck you in flower,” Theo mumbles, and despite the situation he finds a grin pulling at the corners of his mouth.
Liam blinks, once, twice. Then: “you're fucking kidding me.”
“I'm not.” Theo isn't sure how he expects Liam to react, but it's certainly not to burst out laughing.
“Oh my god, that's hilarious!” The other boy is leaning more heavily on the glass behind him now, looking as though he's trying not to fall over. “I mean, that guy kinda deserved it cause he was a dick, and the only reason I went out with him was to see how you'd react and you...you actually…” He breaks off into another peal of laughter, and if it weren't directed at him he would've found it utterly adorable. As it was, Liam was currently only slightly adorable.
“You...what?” Theo has never been more confused in his life, and he has Deaton as a boss.
“Wait. So if that was the fuck you bouquet, what did you have me give my neighbor?” Liam stop laughing all of a sudden and shoots an accusatory glance Theo's way. The latter takes a second to think back, then lets out a bark of laughter.
“Jasmine and coriander means love and lust.” Liam is dead quiet for a moment. Then:
“You didn't! No wonder she slapped me. I told her I picked them specially!” Liam is so distraught and Theo only laughs harder. “And I told my date they were picked specially too...that's twice I've been slapped because of you, Raeken.”
“At the time, jasmine and coriander were the only flowers I'd remembered, okay? I thought it'd be funny and no offense, it kind of is.”
“You still haven't told me why you purposefully sabotaged my date tonight,” Liam points out, and Theo really doesn't know how to reply so he just blurts out the first thing that comes into his head.
“I was marigold.”
“What?” Liam asks.
“I was…” Theo trails off as he realizes his mistake. Now would be a great time to find out he has a deadly flower allergy. “Fuck. I was jealous. Crazy, I know. So you can just go and never come back and leave me to wallow in rejection and self pity, now.”
“You idiot,” Liam says disdainfully. “Why the hell else would I take my date to that shitty restaurant? Do you know how terrible the food is there? And I chose that table so you'd be able to see us because I wanted to make you jealous!”
This time, Theo is the one shocked into silence. Liam takes the opportunity to continue.
“Why do you think I come in here so much? Did you actually think I had that many dates? No, dude. I even bought you flowers!”
“I don't even like flowers.”
“You work at a flower shop.” At Theo's blank stare he rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay. So, anything you wanna say?” Liam’s eyebrows are raised, waiting. Theo's mind glitches again and he finds himself saying something stupid once again.
“Yeah. I should probably tell you, I know nothing about flowers and I'm the last person you should trust to make bouquets for you.”
“What.” Theo's eyes close as he wills the person now standing behind him to disappear. He slowly turns around, flashing Deaton a wide smile.
“Deaton! I was just telling Liam how much I love flowers-"
“You're fired,” his boss says bluntly, turning away and vanishing into the back room.
“Can you give me a reference? Y’know, for future job hunting-"
“No.” When he catches Liam doubled over in laughter beside him and the creepy lady leering at him from by the counter, he can't say he really minds losing his job one bit.
Theo thinks he was getting hay fever, anyway.
On their one month anniversary, Theo gets a bouquet of marigolds.
Liam gets the fuck you bouquet.