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You were so done.
Done with trying to act like everything was okay.
Done trying to hide your feelings from him.
Done with trying to pretend that you weren't in love with Jeon Jeongguk.
You heard his footsteps in the hallway as he made his way to his bedroom at 2:04 in the morning from working excessively late out in the living room. He paused at you door and peeked in, checking on you. You lay still, staring at the wall, a lump steadily rising in your throat. Then he began to shut the door.
It was now or never.
"Guk."
It was silent by the door. You had waited too long. You cursed silently at yourself. It was too late.
"Yes, (Y/N)?"
Or not.
Something you loved about Jeongguk in that moment was the way he just responded. No Why are you still awake?s or You should be asleeps, just acceptance that you were awake, like he had known all along that you weren't as asleep as you had pretended to be.
"Can you come in for a minute?"
The door opened wider, admitting his form into your room, closing behind him.
"What do you want to talk about?"
How had he known that you wanted to talk to him?
"I want to tell you something."
Jeongguk stifled a giggle somewhere close by.
"I kind of guessed that."
That was very true.
Unlike many of the words you had spoken the past few days.
Except the words you were about to say now.
"I hate lies," you mumbled. "I hate pretending. Why can't we just be truthful and not hide anything?"
You asked the question even though you knew the answer.
It was fear. Fear of being rejected. Fear of losing love and respect and trust and friendship. But mostly love.
You were sick of lying.
You were sick of pretending.
You were sick of hiding.
A bit of truth couldn't hurt once and a while, could it?
"I love you."
And so the truth was laid there, stark and plain and open. There was a silence, an awkward, painful silence that you hated every second of.
Then Jeongguk responded.
"I love you too."
You sighed, staring at the wall, your pupils dilated to an insane level as you gazed into the darkness around you.
"Jeongguk, I don't mean I love you as in I love you as a friend."
Each word burned painfully as you peeled the walls away from your heart like old scabs, exposing the rawness and the softness that you had concealed.
"I didn't either."
A lump formed in your throat. Truth came spilling, pouring, flooding out of your mouth.
"I want to love you and hold you close late at night and kiss you and fall asleep with you in my arms and wake up by your side. That's what I want."
Honesty was painful and simple and complicated and scary and golden. And it was freeing. So damn freeing.
"I want that too, (Y/N)."
The way he said your name, the way it made your heart race and your mouth go so dry was just so wrong.
But it was just so damn right.
And then his arms encircled you as he slid into your bed. "Can I sleep here tonight?" He murmured. Your head nodded before you could process what he said.
"I want to hold you," he whispered. "Can I hold you?" You nodded again, and Jeongguk's sturdy, muscular arms tightened around you and pulled you closer to his chest.
You sighed in his arms, leaning your head back on the pillow. "Why are you so good to me?" You wondered aloud. Jeongguk looked at you. "What?"
You sighed.
"You were always there for me, and all I did was lean on you for support. You listened to me rant when stuff was wrong at work. You made dinner on the days when I was too exhausted to do it, even though you worked the same amount that I did, and probably more.
"You were always ready to cheer me up, even when I didn't want to be cheered up. You understood when I needed space, and you gave it to me cheerfully and wholly. When the world got me down, you let me cry on your shoulder."
You sighed again.
"Sometimes I wonder how you know me so well. How you know what to do with me. I've...I've never been the type to really tell you what was going on. Sometimes, I was a real ass to you. But you stayed, and if it's even possible, you were even kinder to me in those times. So, why are you so good to me, Jeongguk?"
You waited for a while for his answer, listening to his slow, even breathing. He propped his head up on his elbow. You felt it more than saw it, the darkness was so dense. Then Jeongguk breathed in deeply, and exhaled loudly.
"You put up with a lot of my crap as well, (Y/N). I did some pretty stupid stuff." You laughed. "Like that time when you tried to eat three tide pods at once for that stupid challenge and nearly choked on them?"
Jeongguk laughed.
"Yeah. Stupid crap like that." His voice took on a dreamy, musing tone. "Maybe I'm good to you because you're my best friend. Or maybe I'm good to you because I know how hard life is alone, and I don't want you to be alone."
Then he leaned closer.
"Or maybe," Jeongguk said slowly, drawing out the words as he spoke them, "Maybe I'm good to you because I love you."
Then he moved. He got up on his hands and knees, his arms supporting him as he planted his knees on the mattress, straddling your hips, leaning over you.
You could have sworn that your heart rate boosted to at least 50 miles per hour as Jeongguk hovered over you, his breaths puffing gently over your face.
You could have kissed him then, but you didn't.
"I'm pretty sure it's that last one," he decided, looking down at you. There was a silence. Then he nodded. "I'm certain it's that last one, (Y/N)."
You could have kissed him then, but you didn't.
"I want to kiss you," Jeongguk whispered, lowering his head, his lips brushing your ear. "Aren't you already?" You murmured. He laughed quietly. "Not really. That's more of a brush."
Then he leaned down and kissed you for real, flat on your mouth. His lips molded with yours, and they stayed there for a long time before he broke away.
He stared deep into your eyes, and he was faintly illuminated by the sudden glow of moonlight peeking in through your window. Wisps of his hair curled loose from his deep brown locks, his dark eyes sparkling as he gazed down at you.
You could have kissed him again then.
And this time, you did.
Before you knew what you were doing, you reached up, wrapped your arms around his neck, and pulled him down, pressing his mouth to yours.
He responded immediately, kissing you back, twining his fingers in your hair. His nose pressed lightly into your cheek as he kissed you, your heads tipped slightly at opposite angles.
You wouldn't have believed that your heart could go from 50 mph to 500 mph in five seconds, but that fact was proved true when he pulled away and pressed his lips to the side of your neck.
You stifled a gasp as he pressed butterfly kisses up your neck, placing them along your jawline until he returned to your lips.
Then Jeongguk pressed one more kiss to your lips, and then laid down beside you, placing his arm over your stomach and pulling the comforter up to just under his shoulder blades.
You flipped over so that you were lying on your belly, his hand lying on your lower back. Your arm wound under the covers, sliding across his back to rest on his side. And then realization hit you.
Oh good lord, he was shirtless.
You must have gasped, because Jeongguk stifled a laugh. "You didn't know?" He asked, and you breathlessly whispered "No."
Jeongguk sighed as he shifted closer to you. "I always sleep like this." Your fingers slid up his side, exulting in his warm, smooth skin. "You should be made illegal," you whispered.
He laughed.
"Am I that intoxicating?"
You nodded.
"Yes."
Jeongguk sighed happily as he burrowed his head down in the pillow. "I think that we've had enough intoxication tonight, (Y/N). I actually have to sleep."
You sighed contentedly, and placed a light kiss to the tip of his nose. "Goodnight, Guk. Sleep well."
Jeongguk giggled and pulled you flush against his side. "Oh I will," he affirmed, his tone laughing.
"I will."~