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Confusion, that’s what you feel.
You thought you were ready, but you were wrong.
You were making your way toward the city within the wall Maria, doing your best to not consume your gas supply.
Your mission was keep the armored titan as far as possible from the colossal titan.
The mission per se was difficult, but adding your feelings for the person who inherited the power of the armored titan to the mix, was enough to complicate things.
When you first met the titan’s eyes during this mission, all you could think about was Reiner and all the moments you spent together.
He flirting with you with silly pickup lines, you eventually granting his wish for a date on your day off from military duty and finally, the time spent as a couple since before the graduation.
When he revealed himself for what he really is, you couldn’t believe it.
You couldn’t believe that everything he had said and done was a lie.
You remembered him asking you for forgiveness while you were on his shoulder, trying to freeing Eren, but you were too hurt to do so, he betrayed your friends, but most importantly he betrayed your faith in him.
“Everything I’ve said to you was real, please forgive me (Y/n)”
Those words echoed in your head, and made you ask to yourself that maybe you could run away with him, have another life with the man you still deeply love despite everything.
So many times you wanted to postpone your feelings over your military duty.
However everytime you think about it, you remember all the faces of your fellows comrades who lost their lives fighting for humanity and against people like Reiner.
Marco, Levi’s Squad, Squad Leader Mike, they were just a few among all the causalities, and you would never forgive yourself if you ever decide to go away with him.
With the memory of your fallen comrades in mind, you let out a loud scream, letting out all the anger you felt in that moment, and once you finally reach the armored titan, you started to distract him.
You flew around him, sometimes his empty eyes stared at you.
You tried to not think about Reiner, your first kiss with him, the first time you made love to him, you tried to think about him as a monster.
That was it, finally the bomb was attached to the back of his neck.
When it finally blew up, you made out Reiner’s corpse coming out from the titan’s nape.
Making your way through pieces of his armored skin, you finally reach for him, taking him out of that now dead giant corpse.
.
You were staring down at him, the explosion damaged his face, so, you and squad leader Hanji waited for it to regenerate.
Hanji wanted to question him about his mission, while you just wanted to see if he was brave enough to look at you for the first time since his betrayal.
When he was finally able to speak, he didn’t know you were there, because of his damaged sight.
While Hanji questioned him with no success, you stare down at your ex –lover with nothing but hate.
“Squad leader, he’s useless, let’s just kill him”
“(Y/n)? Is it you?”
You couldn’t see his covered eyes, but you could say he was really surprised and a little hurt.
“Shut up you monster!”
Your right foot hit his jaw, sending him on the ground.
If it wasn’t for Jean taking you away from him, you would probably have killed him.
“(Y/n), calm down! You’re better than this!”
Moving away from Jean, you turned around, not wanting to look at Reiner in fear of what you could do.
You could hear Jean suggesting Hanji to use a syringe to take his titan’s power and waiting for the signal who gave permission to execute him.
Everything went according to plan.
You asked Hanji to be that one person to execute Reiner.
She could see into your (e/y) eyes, all the pain you felt and understood that maybe killing him would give you piece.
Crouching down you looked at Reiner for one last time.
“I loved you…I probably still love you Reiner…but I-“
“Despite everything (Y/n), my feelings for you were true…please forgive me…”
A sad smile appeared on your lips.
You couldn’t say nothing, not trusting your feelings right now.
You stood up and positioned your blade against Reiner neck.
With your eyes closed , you were just about to hit him when suddenly a four-legged titan came out of nowhere, took Reiner into its mouth, and made its way out from the walls.
Crying you tried to follow him only to be stopped by Jean for a second time that day.
You couldn’t handle your feelings anymore, letting out a loud cry while Jean hugged you.
You tears kept going down and down, wetting Jean’s shirt.
“Forgive me”
Those words kept echoing in your head while you desperately cried against your friend’s chest.
You let your guard down once again, giving Reiner the opportunity to escape.
After today you were sure that you couldn’t forgive him…and you couldn’t forgive yourself.