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"Is it a boy? Is it?" Philip practically bounced into the hospital room. Eliza laughed from her bed, amused at her boys enthusiasm.
"No, sweetie, she's a girl. Angelica Hamilton, or Angie for short." She tilted a bit so Philip could get a better look at his baby sister, but Philip recoiled with a disgusted look on his face.
"I wanted a brother!" he whined. Alexander picked him up.
"You don't get to choose," he stated factually. This, unfortunately, was the wrong thing to say. Philip burst into tears, crying about how he wanted a little brother. The Hamilton couple exchanged a look. This was not going to turn out well.
The first thing Angelica Hamilton, or Angie, could remember was sitting in a high chair watching her brother performing an original rap for their father.
"I have a little sister, but I want a little brother!"
Philip hadn't been a very welcoming brother, always complaining about how she couldn't do anything, but she was determined to make him accept her. She was going to be the best little sister anyone had ever seen.
"Philip, can I play?" Angelica Hamilton, or Angie, looked anxiously up at her older brother. Philip paused for a moment.
"No."
"Why?"
"You're too little."
"But Andy is playing!"
Alexander Jr, or Andy, their little brother ran past them laughing. Ever since he had been born, Philip had made a show of preferring him to Angie. It wasn't that Philip hated girls, he played with Theodosia Jr, it seemed it was just Angie.
"Go away Angie. You should just go knit or something," Philip said insensitively. While Angie was absorbing that, Philip got tagged.
"See? It's your fault I was caught!" he scowled.
He spun around and chased after Eacker while Angie was doing the best she could to suppress her tears. She turned and went back into her house. Upset, she sat and started playing the piano, one of the gifts her namesake aunt had given her.
"Well done Angelica!"
Franklin, their music instructor congratulated Angie on her masterful piano piece. She had made it herself, an impressive feat for someone her age. Franklin wiped away tears, generated from her music.
"We must have you play it on a stage!"
Angie couldn't help but smile. Philip had always been the talented one, with music, studies, socialising, and everything one needed to have in high society. This was the first time she had been praised for anything. Right on cue, her family entered, all dressed up for the big ball that night.
"Sir!" Franklin exclaimed, running up to them.
"What's wrong?" Her father asked immediately, used to only having bad news with Angie.
"What's wrong? What's wrong?" Franklin laughed. "Your daughter is a piano genius!"
Eliza let out a squeal and wrapped Angie in a hug. Alexander broke into a proud grin, and even little Andy looked happy. Only Philip, standing alone in the corner of the room, seemed irritated.
It only became worse when their father clapped him on the back and said,
"You better work hard or else your sister will beat you!"
Angie wished her father hadn’t said that. Philip gave her a death glare before stalking from the room.
One night, as Eliza tucked Angie into bed, she decided to pose a question.
"Mom, why does Philip hate me so much?"
Eliza hesitated, staring at Angie with a confused expression. She tended to look at the good side of things, completely ignoring or excusing the bad behaviour.
"What makes you think that?"
"He doesn't let me play with him."
"Boys play too roughly. He's just afraid you'll get hurt."
"He hates it whenever I outshine him."
"He's just jealous. Your father always emphasizes on being the best."
"He's hated me since I was born."
"How do you know that?" Eliza asked suspiciously.
"Hercules told me."
Eliza said something about Hercules under her breath before answering her question.
"Well, Angie, Philip wanted a brother. So when you turned out to be a girl, he was disappointed. Don't worry, he'll grow out of it. All boys do."
With that, Eliza stood up and left for Hercules' house. Angie, feeling dissatisfied, feel into a troubled sleep.
It was performance night, and the theater was packed to the brim. Dressed in her finest dress, her family standing behind her, Angie shifted from foot to foot nervously. Angie peeked out of the curtain, only intimidated by the size of the crowd.
"Mama, can I really do it? What if I mess up? What if it's not good enough? What if-"
Eliza put a soothing hand on her shoulder, not able to hug her because of her swollen belly and the fact she was carrying another baby, James.
"They're going to love you. Just be yourself."
"You can do it sis!" Andy added. James blubbered encouragingly.
Angie smiled and gave each her little brothers a hug. Her father, unfortunately, was too busy to attend her performance. That made her a little sad and angry, since the arrangement had been made months ago. But no, another cabinet meeting was more important than his daughter's debut. She shook her head, ridding herself of those thoughts. She wasn't about to let anything ruin her big night.
Then something amazing happened. Her namesake aunt bustled through the doors.
"Aunt Angelica?" Angie gasped as her favourite aunt wrapped her in a hug. "I thought you were in London!"
"How could I miss my niece's piano performance?" she said. "I took the first boat here!"
"It was surprise," Eliza explained. "We didn't want you to be upset if she couldn't make it."
"This is the best surprise of my life!"
"I'm so proud of you," Aunt Angelica said earnestly. Angie could feel her confidence growing. She could do it. She'd practiced this piece millions of times.
"We have to go now," Philip mumbled. Eliza glanced up at the clock.
"Oh my, you're right!" Eliza exclaimed. Seeing Angie's anxious expression, she assured,
"We bought tickets to see you play!"
"You did?" Angie smiled.
"Yes, front row tickets! But if we don't go now, they won't let us in! Follow me, Philip!"
Eliza grabbed Alexander Jr. by the arm and dragged him out, still carrying James. Angelica followed her sister, talking about how proud she was of her niece. It was just Angie and Philip. She stepped back warily, wondering exactly what Philip would do now that they were alone.
"You're pathetic," Philip spat.
"I'm not," she snapped back. Though she still wanted to be in Philip's good graces, she wouldn't let him insult her.
"You are. You dragged so many people here. For what? To see you fail."
"That's not true!" she responded, growing less sure by the second.
"Is it? Why do you think pops didn't come? He didn't want to have to suffer such a humiliation."
"He was busy!" she sniffled, trying not to let Philip know how much his words hurt her.
"Really? You don't believe that, do you?" Upon seeing her expression, he laughed though without any mirth.
"My god, you're even stupider than I thought. Angie, he had three months to reschedule. Three months. Do you really think he wouldn't be able to come?"
Tears formed in her eyes. Philip knew just where to hit.
"He cancelled a meeting to watch my insignificant speech contests. Obviously, he loves me more than you. Angie, if you get up there you'll embarrass yourself and tarnish our name. Do you really want to do that?"
Seeing her broken face, he chased after his mother, feeling satisfied and leaving Angie alone. Internally, she knew that crying would ruin the show, but she was just so sad.
It was time. She had to go on. She suppressed her feelings and took one rigid step at a time. As she stood on the stage, she realized it didn't matter. It didn't matter what Philip thought. He would criticise her no matter how well she did. It didn't matter what her family thought. It didn't matter what the world thought. All that mattered was what she thought about herself. She sat in front of the piano and played.
When she finished there was absolute silence. Angie's brain instantly jumped to the idea that she had played terribly. No. She liked the music, and if they hated it was their problem. She stood up and curtsied. The assembly broke into thunderous applause. Aunt Angelica jumped onto the stage and gave her a bone crushing hug. Her family also joined in, making a human pile. All of them were laughing and smiling, talking about how amazing the sounds were and wiping away tears.
Except Philip. He stood on the side, giving Angie a critical look. She ignored him, and his expression morphed into one of shock. She had always taken his opinion in such high regards. She had a beautiful night, and didn't let Philip ruin it with his sulking. She resolved to do that from then on.
Philip kept trying to put her down, but she had learned an important lesson. What others think of you doesn't matter. As long as you are doing the moral action and you approve of it, then do it. They continued through life, with the birth of William, John, and Eliza Jr. or Lizzy, whom she all treasured.
Late one night she was awoken by a quiet knock on her door. She rubbed her sleepy eyes and looked out the window. Dawn was approaching. Thinking it was John, who had recently developed nightmares, she stumbled to her feet and opened the door. There was Philip's back, already turned away and going down the stairs.
"Philip?"
Her brother turned around. His freckled face seemed abnormally pale, but that must be a trick of the faint light.
"Angie," he breathed, soundly slightly relieved.
"Do you know what time it is?" Angie asked, gesturing out the window.
"No. Well, yes. I mean, I know what time it is, but I have something important to tell you."
Philip never stumbled over words. It must be something awful. But why her?
"What's wrong?" she asked, concerned. Philip swallowed, as if making a life changing decision.
"I'm sorry for how I treated you," he said. "I was a jerk."
"An insensitive, childish, cruel, negative, excluding, picky jerk."
Philip glanced into Angie's sparkling eyes, practically bursting with laughter.
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" he groaned.
"Hey, it's not every day your brother apologizes for bullying you for seventeen years." She shrugged. "I'm making up for lost time."
"Anyways, I treated you badly-"
"Terribly."
"-especially at your piano performance-"
"The most important moment of my life."
"-and I want to make it up to you."
Angie stared at her new brother, trying to determine if this was a ruse, a trick to tear down her defensive walls so he could hurt her again.
"Why now?" she asked. "Why after all these years?"
Philip swallowed and glanced to the side, as if he were trying to hide something.
"I was reflecting... on life and I realized I was the worst when I was around you. So I came to say goodbye."
"Goodbye?"
"I mean apologize. Say goodbye to the old me," he covered quickly. Angie frowned. Something wasn't right.
"And when I get back-" Philip continued.
"Get back? Are you going somewhere? At this hour?"
"I'm going to fish with Richard," Philip explained smoothly. "Anyways, when I get back, I hope we can start over again. I mean, it doesn't erase what I did before, but I want to try being a good older brother to you."
"Yes Philip. Of course," Angie smiled. This was so sweet. It must be a dream.
"But let's talk about this in the morning. You should head back to bed."
As Angie crawled into bed, Philip said,
"Good night, Angie."
"Good night, Philip," she murmured sleepily. As he closed the door, she thought she heard him whisper,
"Goodbye."
When she woke, she was happier than she had been in years. She and Philip had a chance to restore their sibling relationship. She picked out a nice dress, none too formal, and stepped out of her room.
It was total chaos. James was screaming, Lizzy was sobbing, and John was wailing, being comforted by Andy who looked about ready to break down himself. Her father and mother rushed right past her and out the door, not stopping to help.
Angie scooped Beth into her arms and rocked her back and forth while simultaneously patting James on the head. She led them over to the sofa where her two other brothers were and sat them down. Together, Andy and Angie were able to quiet them a little.
"Where were mom and papa off to in such a rush?" Angie whispered, rocking Beth back and forth.
"I get that you and Philip weren't close, but that's an awful thing to say, sis," Andy responded bitterly.
"What?" Angie asked, utterly confused.
"You mean you don't know?"
Angie shook her head.
"Philip got shot in a duel this morning."
The world froze. All breath left her body as she stared at Alexander with wide eyes. He was gone? No, he couldn't be. He had been standing right in front of her a few hours ago, hadn't he? Confessing all the things he had done and expressing his hope for a better tomorrow. Planning to be even just a bit nicer to Angie. He was so young, just graduated college, and had so much to do in life.
"Sis?"
Then again, was it really such a surprise? All the signs had been there this morning. Fully clothed at dawn. Stumbling over words. Expressing his regrets and mistakes while he still had time. Reflecting on life. Saying goodbye. She just hadn't noticed them, being half asleep. Or had she? Did she notice the signs and let her older brother walk into his own death?
"Angie?"
She would never be able to hug him. Never be able to do anything sibling should do: light teasing, petty fights, sharing crushes and secrets.
"Angie!"
Her brother's worried voice snapped her out of her dark thoughts. She stared at him as if he were a stranger. Andy squeezed her arm.
"He's not dead yet."
The words were meant to be comforting, but the hopeless tone, the inclusion of the word 'yet', told her Philip was on death's doorstep. That was why mom and papa had been in such a rush. They needed to hear the last words of their dying son.
She shot up, forgetting that Lizzy was still on her lap. The little girl burst into tears on the floor, waking the other children, but Angie didn't even notice. She needed to hear what Philip had to say to her.
"I need to go."
She headed towards the door, but her brother's pleading voice stopped her.
"Please Angie. Please stay. I can't handle this all on my own."
Inside, Angie knew she needed to stay. Her siblings needed her to be there, now that their parents and eldest brother had failed them. Bright Xander, the one usually encouraging others needed her help. He couldn't handle all their younger siblings and Philip's death at the same time. Besides, it was likely that Philip would be dead before she got there.
But she wanted to go so badly.
"Please, Angie."
So she turned around, her heart cracking. Comforted her crying siblings and tucking them into bed. Hugging a sobbing Xander on the sofa, attempting to convince him that Philip would be fine. They both didn't believe her, but it was nice to hear. As if they were living in a dream.
Theodosia Burr burst in. Alexander looked up her hopefully, but she bowed her head.
"My condolences."
With that, Angie shattered. They would never be able to talk again. She would never be able to tell him how much she loved him, no matter how big of a jerk he was. She would never be able to hear his last words, to know what he wanted her to carry on. Never be able to see him smile. She burst into tears, crying for all the lost years.
She cried over her brother's body. She cried as the days past, at the funeral and long after. People at first pitied her, but after months of non stop sobbing, they started to wonder. Her other family members, were mourning, sure, but crying for such a long time was odd. Her mother, aunt, father, siblings, and friends couldn't help her. Nothing could stop her grief.
One day, she sat up and saw Philip watching her from across the room. Her face split into a grin and she hugged him. He hugged back. They played all day, acting just as siblings should. At first, everyone was relieved she'd stopped crying, but were confused by her talk about Philip.
"Do you think Philip would like this?" Angie asked, holding up a shirt. Her mother stared sadly down at her.
"Philip's gone, sweetie," her mother replied, voice cracking.
"What do you mean? He's right there!" She pointed to where Philip sat, perched on a ledge.
"He's not there, Angie."
"He is!" she insisted. That was one argument she would not lose.
Soon talk began about how she spoke of her brother as if he were still alive. She did not trouble herself with these rumors, choosing instead to chat with Philip. Eventually, her parents came to the heart wrenching decision of entrusting her daughter with a doctor. She didn't mind as long as she could stay with Philip.
Her mother had another son and named him Philip. Angie didn't like that. Philip was Philip, and naming your next son after him didn't bring him back. Then again, he was right beside her.
Her father died in a duel, in the same place Philip did. She closed herself off even more, trying to keep all the sadness away from her. All those who tried to reason with her, tell her that her brother was not here, were bad. Philip told her the best thing to do was forget those people. And so she did.
Years past, and more people left. All the more reason to forget them. She slipped deeper and deeper into dreamland despit the doctors efforts. One fateful day, when she could no longer stand, Philip popped up.
"Angie, let's go!" He dragged her up, flying into the sky.
"Where?" she asked.
"On an adventure!"