Chapter Text
Ever since arriving, Rhys has hated every single minute on Pandora. To be fair, it was full of adventure that he definitely didn't sign up for; it was simply out of his area of expertise. Thrown into a maze, Rhys had to (not so) blindly navigate Pandora in attempts to reclaim what little pride he had left, and try to make up for the fact he fucked himself out of a job. Everywhere he looked he felt as if there was a reminder of Handsome Jack, the Vault, and what had happened on their adventure.
Though Fiona had taken the opportunity to train with Athena, vault hunting was definitely not the life for Rhys. He preferred something laid back, where he didn’t have to worry about whether or not he’d die; though, that was everyday life on Pandora. Though Rhys had made himself a nice little life after his adventures on the planet, even if everything seemed like it was out to kill him. Opening the Vault gave them a lot of treasures, and he had put most of the money from it into Atlas.
Everyone seemed to have a reason to stay. Fiona was Vault Hunting. Sasha has a home. Yvette and Vaughn are literally running a cult, and Rhys? All Rhys had was a discarded ECHO-eye and the rights to Atlas.
Rhys told himself the reason he was staying on Pandora wasn't because of the Vault Hunter across the room, who was currently leaning back as their shoulders shook gently after their friends cracked a joke.
Rhys’ eyes follow their every move, watching with a strange intensity as the assassin's stance shifts. They reach out to put a shot glass they'd been holding down, momentarily turning their back on their friends as they request Moxxi to give them another. The bartender happily obliges, and Rhys' flesh hand slides underneath his chin to rest his head on. He sighs dreamily, momentarily lost in Zer0's persona.
No, the reason Rhys was staying on Pandora was definitely because he had more things to do here. He still had to rebuild Atlas, make Pandora a better place for people to live, and revert all the damage Jack had done. The reason Rhys was staying on Pandora definitely wasn't because of Zer0.
"You know, when you said we should visit Moxxi's bar more often... This isn't what I had in mind."
A voice catches Rhys by surprise, and he's suddenly aware of the fact he's leaning over the table and peering out at Zer0 from across the bar. Eyes widened with admiration, following the assassin's every move, Rhys is suddenly extremely flustered. He jerks back, brushing off his jacket as if he wasn't doing anything in particular. His eyes, for the first time in at least five minutes, tear away from Zer0 and meet Vaughn's.
The bandit-leader seems mildly annoyed, but there's a glint in his eye that tells Rhys he isn't too mad from all this. Rhys downs the rest of his drink, though it's only water because he'd really rather not make himself a fool in front of the vault hunter across the bar.
"What, Vaughn?" He asks once his empty cup is placed down, a lopsided smile finding it's way to his face. "We're just two dudes being bros. What more could you want?"
"I'd really appreciate it if you could stop eye-fucking the Vault Hunter over there, thanks."
Rhys chokes on some air, gaining a few glances from bandits and people-alike but they don't seem to care too much. Rhys bangs his fist on the table and gasps for air, then leans back with a flushed face and slides further into his seat. He pretends not to notice the question mark on Zer0's helmet, peering in the direction of the two of them, and instead clears his throat. Vaughn raises an eyebrow.
"I'm -- I'm not... Eye-fucking them, Vaughn. Jesus, could you try to be less... Y'know?"
"Less... What? Less truthful? Dude, you're acting like he's a god or something. You do realize you're lusting over someone who's probably like, an alien? Dude's totally an alien. He's got four fingers and I'm pretty sure I saw him torturing some bandits the other day for fun. You do realize that, right?"
"Zer0 is... Zer0 is a Vault Hunter, okay? It doesn't matter if they're an alien or not. I mean, isn't... Isn't everyone an alien? If they're not from Pandora? Aren't we aliens?"
"Huh. Maybe? ... The point is, I'm pretty sure he's out of your league. And like... Dating Moxxi or something, I don't know. He's here like, every day and talking to them according to Yvette. She comes here often."
Rhys snickers. "Yeah, well, Yvette's a smooth talker so I don't blame her. She barely pays for anything herself. Probably flirts out of it with Moxxi, too."
But suddenly, he's rather concerned with what Vaughn's implied, and shoots a glance over at Moxxi and Zer0, who're engaged in a conversation. Hanging around nearby are two other vault hunters, Rhys assumes, as one has blue hair and what looks to be siren tattoos and the other looks mildly normal. His blond hair is scruffy looking and his hardened eyes find Rhys'. Rhys tries to pretend like he doesn't notice the wink sent his way.
Rhys looks away, face flushing once more. It doesn't take long to recompose.
"You really think that they're... Together? I mean... She's hot 'nd all but... Zer0 seems less..." He trails off, unsure of what he was even going to say himself. Moxxi seems like someone who'd want to be physical. Zer0 seems like the opposite.
Rhys' eyes slide their way back to Zer0, who's reaching over to take another drink. His eyebrows furrow. How do they drink if they never take off their helmet?
He hasn't even realized Vaughn is talking until his hands are waving in front of him.
"Rhys. Rhys! Oh my God, it's happening again. Jesus, dude, you're like a dog who keeps spotting squirrels. Can you stop it for a few minutes so I can bring my best bro back to Pandora? Please?"
"Uh... Yeah. Sorry."
Listen, it was bad enough when you'd practically shit yourself every time you saw Handsome Jack in person, and it was even worse when you and Sasha had that weird thing going on. I'm not dealing with this again, as much as I'd love to. You have a serious problem with not confronting your crushes, Rhys. You've... You've just been watching him. I mean, come on, Rhys. That's... You're just stalking him at this point."
Rhys' mouth falls open. "It was different with Jack, you know that!" His voice lowers to a frustrated whisper, trying not to draw attention by mentioning the most hated man on Pandora.
He leans back, trying to ignore his ears burning at the obvious lies spilling out of his mouth. "Besides, I'm not stalking them! They just happen to be at the same bar as me every time, okay? Just because I made a schedule of their weekly visits doesn't mean I'm stalking. It's called being passionate, Vaughn. You wouldn't know anything about it,"
"It's called being a stalker, Rhys. Seriously."
Rhys goes quiet.
"I'm tired of this."
Rhys huffs, "Seriously?"
"If you don't find a way to strike up a conversation with them right now, I'm literally going to walk over there and tell them that you're stalking them, because you are and frankly it's getting out of hand. They're gonna find out one way or another and then they'll assume you're trying to kill them, and I don't want my best friend to go missing."
"You can't just blackmail me, Vaughn!"
But Vaughn's expression remains the same. "I can, and I am. Now, if you'll excuse me..."
Rhys' reflexes are fast - his arm shoots out across the table and his hand latches onto Vaughn's wrist, tugging harshly and sending the man flying back into his seat. He hits it with a loud thump that draws barely any attention —
— But Moxxi catches wind of it pretty fast. Rhys doesn't even realize she's at their side of the bar, leaning over the edge with a curious gaze.
"Heya, sugar. Is this mean ol' fella bugging you? I can take care of him if you'd like." Her sultry voice sneaks into the conversation, and Rhys looks over to find her smiling towards Vaughn, who's got a pale blush creeping its way onto his cheeks and a crooked smile.
"No, Moxxi, I'm good. He's a friend of mine." Vaughn assures, and she leans back. Her hand finds a dirty cup on the bar, abandoned a few minutes ago, and the other takes a rag and begins to clean it out.
"Alright, sweet-cheeks. You boys play nice... Blood-stains sure are a bitch to get out of that leather."
Rhys can hear the purr in her voice, which turns into a laugh at the end as she turns and leaves the conversation. His head whips to look back at Vaughn, who now looks genuinely annoyed.
"I'll do it, Vaughn. Just... Just give me a minute, okay?"
"Go get em." He gestures to Zer0, and Rhys gulps as he stands from his seat.
He tells his legs to move, but they seem to be stuck. They're glued to the ground until Vaughn's hand is on his back and now his legs are moving without his permission, a frantic stumble to keep himself from falling. The Atlas CEO stumbles his way to where Zer0 is standing, who's looking over with a slight tilt of their head. Rhys brings himself to a halt when he notices, standing at least five feet away from Zer0. There's a tense silence, and Rhys is simply staring at Zer0 with a look of both infatuation and scared shitless. His hand raises, about to wave to the assassin but Zer0 is already a few steps ahead.
"Oh, hello, Rhys. / It has been a while, has it not? / For me, it has been." They greet, and Rhys feels his entire body tense up.
"Zer0, I, uh... I just... I wanted to say hi. I keep seeing you around, and..."
"I'm quite aware / of the circumstances here, Rhys / you have been waiting."
"It's not what you think." Is all he manages, face flushed and burning, the inside of his mouth dry. He doesn't even notice he's put his hands up, almost as if he was surrendering to whatever punishment Zer0 was about to give him for the continuous stalking.
That was, of course, until Zer0's shoulders started to shake. Rhys' eyes, glued to the floor, shifted upwards to see what was happening. Zer0 was leaning forward, shoulders shaking and helmet tilting, and Rhys was about to ask if they were okay until --
Oh. They're laughing. Zer0 was laughing. Zer0 was laughing at Rhys. Shit. Zer0 was being laughed at by his crush - the big bad Vault Hunter. Zer0 takes a step forward, head shaking as a laughing emoticon appears on their helmet and gradually shifts into a :,D emoticon. A hand raises as they pretend to wipe a tear.
"I don't... I don't understand."
"You are curious. / It's in your human nature. / It is, in fact, cute." Zer0 comments.
Rhys can feel his breath hitch in his throat. It stays there, as his ears begin to burn and it creeps onto his cheeks. Blood is pounding in his ears and he feels his fingers twitch nervously, before bringing them up to rub the back of his hands over his eyes and with the last of his dignity, he simply croaks,
"Did you just call me cute?"
"Did I strike a cord? / Perhaps I played the wrong one? / I meant no offence, Rhys." A bright, holographic question mark displays on their helmet. Rhys shakes his head nervously, and the question mark vanishes.
"You have confused me. / I fail to see a problem, / why are you upset?"
"I thought - Oh my God, Zer0. I didn't... I don't... I really don't understand what's happening right now," Rhys admits, and Zer0 retracts their hand. It hangs there loosely, as if they were unsure of what to do with it. They eventually place it on the bar, leaning on it. Rhys shakes his head.
"I was just... I wasn't trying to like, stalk you, alright? I just thought you were really cool, and..."
"You informed me." Zer0 says.
"Yeah. Like I... informed you, in the elevator ride. Speaking of that, um... You were looking for Gortys cores, right?"
Zer0 nods.
"Then you killed that guy, with the speakers, and..."
"Yes, Bossanova. He was quite annoying." Zer0 says, their smile turning into a >:( at the memory.
Rhys laughs, his hands falling to his sides as he begins to relax. Zer0's emoticon vanishes as Rhys continues.
"Well, after you killed him, you were talking to Moxxi about how he didn't have the Gortys cores. But... They were underneath him all along, in the Atlas facility that I fell into."
Zer0 nods. "Not a problem, Rhys. / The quest itself was boring. / I had better queues."
"You spoke to Moxxi, and... Are you two... You know?"
Zer0 doesn't seem to react to this suggestion immediately. They stare at Rhys, who can only wonder what the expression under the helmet is, and then gives a simple shrug of their shoulders.
"You mean, Moxxi and I? / ... Me and Moxxi? You're amusing. / Perhaps I'll keep you." At that, a wink is displayed on Zer0's helmet.
Rhys mentally curses at himself.
"Right. I guess... Right. I get it. I should... Should I go sit down? I mean, you probably have... Your friends."
Rhys is suddenly aware of the two Vault Hunters behind Zer0, the one with blue hair leaning over curiously and he wonders if she's been ease-dropping the entire time. Zer0 follows Rhys' gaze, body turning to look at the two of them. Rhys shuffles to the side, so they form a half-circle with Rhys on the outside. Zer0's arms cross.
Maya lifts two fingers to say hello, and Axton laughs from behind her. "This is the guy who's in love with Zer0? Damn, Zer0, why do you always attract the weird ones?" The hair on the back of Rhys' neck begin to stand, and Zer0 claps Rhys on the shoulder — almost protectively.
"Love is a strong word. / Especially in this scenario. / He is admiring." Zer0 says, sounding quite proud, and they look at Rhys.
"It is not wrong, Rhys. / You are infatuated. / They are just assholes." That gets a shout of disapproval from Axton, and a laugh from Maya.
"Hey, I'm not stopping him. If he wants to be in love with the assassin, he's free to do so. Rhys, sweetie, don't feed them after twelve and if you begin to find discarded body parts around your house, don't think anything of it. They like their prizes." Maya says, winking at Rhys, who's only getting more confused by the second.
"Why would Zer0 be in my house?" He questions, looking at Zer0, who's now removed their hand and crossed their arms. Maya snickers, and Axton occupies himself from answering the question by drinking some more whiskey. Zer0 tilts their head.
"When humans are one, they live together."
Rhys sputters. "Whoa, wait, can we back up a bit? When they're one?" He questions, eyebrows raising, and Zer0 nods approvingly.
"Yes. One. Together. Am I mistaken, Rhys? You can inform me."
"We're... We're not... We're not living together, Zer0, we aren't even... We aren't even dating!" He finally chokes out after a few beats of silence. Suddenly, he feels a hand on his shoulder when he's about to reply, and swears he jumps at least two feet into the air before swinging around to look at who was trying to grasp him. Vaughn stands there, obviously confused with his hand retracted.
"Hey, man, just... Making sure everything's okay. You seem... You alright?" Vaughn's voice lowers to a rushed whisper, and Rhys' mouth is hanging open. He's too dumbfounded to reply, and Vaughn's eyes travel to Zer0.
"Is he okay? What... What did you do to him? Oh my God, Rhys? Did they hurt you?" He's looking back and forth frantically now, and Rhys is only beginning to shake his head.
"Whoa, hey. We were just messing with the kid." Maya says, hands up to claim her innocence. Rhys turns, looking at Zer0 with an accusing gaze. His face is beginning to cool off, and his heart isn't pumping as hard now — Maya is beginning to chuckle, while Axton is practically pissing himself laughing. Rhys can hear Axton's fist hitting the bar counter and his eyes wander to Moxxi, who's chuckling from behind it with a hand holding a glass. His gaze returns to Zer0, eyes beginning to narrow as realization sets in. A :D shows up on Zer0's mask, the assassin quite pleased with themselves for successfully fooling Rhys into believing their joke.
"Sorry for that, Rhys. / I wanted to see your face. / It was quite pleasing." They comment, and Rhys sputters at that.
Pleasing? Zer0 found Rhys genuinely cute? To think that his crush, a big bad vault hunter, would find Rhys cute is too much for him to handle. He brings his hands back up to his eyes, rubbing them with the back of his hand and releasing a low groan.
He feels a four-fingered hand on his shoulder, and tenses before raising his head to look at the assassin. "You're free often, right? / ... Ugh. Sorry for this word. / I would like to date."
Rhys opens his mouth, then closes it.
"Go on a date." Zer0 correct themselves.
"You want to go on a date with me? Zer0, I, I really don't understand."
"... Not to sound rude, / but you brought me to a vault. / And you're cute, which helps."
"I'm often thinking about how you are doing. I wish to spend more time with you." Rhys can feel his heart beginning to race, his pale face starting to spark with colour as Zer0 breaks from their haiku to continue, "And your reactions to words, such as my own, are funny to watch."
Rhys sputters. "They aren't!"
A beat of silence. Two. Right, he just proved Zer0's point. Rhys sighs.
"I'm bad at this, Rhys. / I need an answer, soon please. / Preferably now, perhaps." Zer0 states, bringing up their hands and putting them together. "Or, I can simply be a loser and pretend our conversation never took place. In front of my friends, too. I'll be quite offended." Their demeanor changes, and Rhys realizes it's now or never. The Atlas CEO crosses their arms.
"I... I'm not gonna say no, Zer0. That's... It sounds good. I'll go on a date with you. It just..." Rhys says. "It was just a surprise. Coming from you."
"The unexpected is enjoyable." They state. Rhys doesn't quite agree with that statement, but doesn't want to start a debate about it at the moment. He simply nods in fake agreement, causing Zer0 to drop the conversation for the time being.
The Vault Hunter spins on the chair to face the bar, sliding a handful of cash onto the counter. Rhys stares at it momentarily, eyebrows furrowing, because if that's how much money you make vault hunting, sign me up. He was pretty sure Zer0 had more money than Rhys made in a years worth of work of Hyperion, and Zer0 catches the baffled expression. A question mark appears, but they're quickly distracted by Maya and Axton standing from their seats.
"We're going, Zer0, you coming or staying with loverboy?" Maya asks, hands on hips, and Zer0 looks at Rhys, who knows the answer to the question. He raises a shaky thumbs up, with a nervous smile tugging at his lips, and a smiley face pops up on Zer0's helmet.
"I will find you soon. / Maybe even tomorrow? / We'll go on our date." They state, sliding out of the bar-stool and walking past Rhys to follow Maya and Axton. They stop in the doorway of the bar, looking back to wave goodbye to Rhys. The Atlas CEO can barely react, and by the time his hand is up to wave back the assassin is gone. He drops his hand, and then his shoulders drop and he lets out a groan.
"I don't... I don't understand what just happened."
"It sounds like you've gotten yourself a date there, sugar. Can't say I blame you for liking Zer0, though he's certainly an odd one. Not the worst Vault Hunter I've met though, nor the most insane. You two, though, together? I'm excited to see how this turns out," Moxxi says behind him, a chuckle in her throat, and Rhys spins to face her.
She's pocketing the money Zer0 left behind, and then she places her hands on her hips and winks at Rhys. He winces, and begins to rub at the back of his neck with his flesh hand.
"I didn't expect that to happen. To be asked out, I mean. By Zer0, of all people."
"You're not just Rhys, sweetheart. You're also eye candy. Though, I'm not sure that's why he asked you out. I mean, he's never really shown any interest towards anyone - which is something I can respect. But he did include that in his explanation, didn't he? Finds ya' cute. Adorable, really. You two will make an amazing couple. Just don't fuck it up, alright? I've never seen this happen before, so... You must be special."
"Yeah, alright. Thanks, Moxxi, I appreciate it." He says.
"Yeah, yeah, just don't forget to tip me. That's how you show true appreciation around here." She laughs as Rhys goes towards Vaughn, who's sitting in the booth. He stands when he sees Rhys coming towards him, and immediately claps Rhys on the shoulder.
"What happened back there, man? I backed out once things started getting kinda weird, but, you seemed kinda... I don't know. You seemed both scared and turned on. It was really weird, bro, like... Really weird. I never want you see you make those faces again." Vaughn cringes, as if he's reliving the experience, and Rhys brushes off Vaughn's hand from his shoulder with a distasteful expression.
"Hey, I was not turned on, alright? That's gross. I was just... They... I don't know? I think they asked me out?"
"He did what? Oh my God, Rhys, this is great! This is what you wanted! Now you can stop eye-fucking him every time you see him because you'll be satisfied knowing what it's actually like!" Vaughn waves his arms, and Rhys winces at the volume. He smacks Vaughn's arms down, and clasps a hand over his mouth.
"How many times do I have to tell you that I don't eye... ugh, whatever?! It's... That's so wrong, in so many ways, Vaughn... I..." Rhys collapses in his seat. "I can't believe this. I got a date with Zer0, which is great and all, but... What if we go on the date and they realize I'm totally lame and not cool enough for them? I mean, I'm pretty boring, and Zer0's so... So exciting."
"Don't you see, Rhys? Zer0 can't date someone exciting because two exciting people together will literally never work. All they do is hype each other up, get each other into terrible situations, get one another killed... But someone exciting and someone chill? You, the chill person, can bring him down to Pandora. Make him realize there's more to life than vault hunting. Get married, settle down, start an alien-human hybrid family of your own, teach the children how to vault hunt...."
"We're - Vaughn! I'm not starting a goddamn family with Zer0, alright? We don't even know if this will last more than one date."
"I know, I know. But don't you see my point?"
"Yeah," Rhys breathes, "Yeah, I do. I do, I do. I just... What if it goes terribly wrong? Everything always goes wrong, Vaughn. Remember Stacey?"
"Nah, dude. Stacey definitely wasn't your fault." Vaughn begins, shaking his head. "She was... She was a problem, and what happened with her was going to happen eventually. You can't let her continue to effect you years after the relationship, alright?" Rhys lowers his head, and rubs his hands together whilst mumbling something unintelligible. Vaughn ignores him and continues.
"Listen. You've gotta start believing in yourself, alright? Because if you don't, then you're gonna back out of the date and then Zer0 will definitely not like you for bailing on him." Rhys nods in agreement. "So... When is this date happening, anyways?"
"I... I don't know?"
"What do you mean, you don't know?"
"It means I don't know! They gave me some vague-as-shit answer! Sometime tomorrow, probably." Rhys slides up the chair and throws his head back against it, groaning. Vaughn watches as his best friend gets into a dramatic state of mind, and rubs his eyes.
"Yeah, okay, well... Make sure to stay home, then. I'm sure he knows where it is if you didn't make a meeting plan." Vaughn states, and Rhys' head straightens. Vaughn's right, isn't he? (He usually is).
If Zer0 didn't state a place to meet, then was Zer0 just going to... Show up at Rhys' place? Rhys is a little bit unsettled by the fact that Zer0 somehow knows where he lives, but also not surprised because Zer0 also knew they had been followed by Rhys for weeks. Rhys sighs, and nods in agreement.
"Yeah, I'll... I'll just assume they're coming after lunch or something. But in case they're insane and randomly show up in the morning... It's time to head home." Rhys is suddenly aware of the time, and his eyelids are beginning to feel heavier. Vaughn nods, and gets out of the booth.
Rhys pays for their drinks, leaving a big tip for Moxxi and receiving a kiss on the cheek from her on his way out. "Your generosity can really turn a girl on, sugar. Keep at it." She calls after them as they leave, and Rhys tries to clear that from his mind as soon as possible.