Archive of Our Own

“You were there while she was starting to drown.

She disappeared as all the waters abounded,

Standing by, you watched and fed your hurt with a frown—

Well, bravo! Bravo…”

                                ---Nine Lashes

When Ochako entered the lunchroom, Izuku immediately knew something was up.

She wouldn’t even look at him— not when he greeted her, not when she returned with her food, and not when she began eating. To be fair, she didn’t talk to anyone, but still he felt kind of worried.

Her face was blood red, too. She tried to hide her expression behind the bangs that framed her face.

“Uraraka!” Iida said suddenly, startling everyone at the table. Izuku might’ve been imagining it, but he could’ve sworn that Ochako sank lower in her seat. “Might I ask if you are well? You look as if you’ve caught a sudden fever.”

“I-I-I-I’m fine,” she stammered, eyes firmly glued to her rice bowl.

Izuku set his chopsticks down. “Are you sure?”

“Y-Yeah. I just thought of something.”

Tsu pressed a finger to her chin. “Aoyama didn’t say anything weird again, did he?”

“N-No,” Ochako murmured in response, causing all three boys to raise an eyebrow.

“Then what is it?” Tsu pressed further.

“Um.”

She fidgeted a little. That was weird. Ochako never really had a problem talking to them— well, them, excluding Izuku, because she was acting pretty dodgy for a while there. But that attitude had long since faded, so seeing it again was just… strange. And, even more curious, her eyes flickered up to Izuku as she shifted. It was just a split second, and Izuku would have missed it if his own gaze wasn’t laser-focused on her in his concern.

He glanced down. Had he done something to upset her?

Todoroki nudged her with his elbow. “Well, we’re waiting.”

“U-u-uh, w-well, you see—” Her cheeks ran an even deeper red. “I was just walking in the hallway, and…”

She mumbled the last part, so that none of them understood what she said. “What?” Iida cried.

“I was…”

“Huh?”

“Um.”

“Ochako,” Tsu admonished.

Finally, she took a steadying breath, though Izuku could see her balling her skirt into her fists. She set her jaw. “A boy asked me on a date.”

Silence blanketed the table. Her friends looked mildly surprised.

Izuku suddenly felt like he was going to faint.

“Oh, you don’t say,” called Mina from across the aisle, one table over. “Give us all the details, girl. When is it? What are you wearing?”

Ochako raised her hands, but Tsuyu poked her head out. “Um, I think the more important question is who asked her.”

“That, too!”

“Do tell.”

“Yes,” Iida said. “I’m quite interested as well.”

Ochako pouted. “Never took you for the gossipy type.”

“I’m always interested in big changes in my friends’ lives, of course.”

Izuku was still trying to process this information. He’d suddenly found his katsudon very interesting. Anything that distracted from the weird nauseous feeling that had settled in his stomach, which he was pretty sure wasn’t from his lunch. He didn’t see as Ochako once again glanced to him, sighing softly. “It’s not that big of a deal, guys. It’s a boy from General Studies. I passed him walking in here and he said that he really admired my fight against Bakugo during the Sports Festival. So he asked me on a date this weekend.”

“Well,” Mina said, on the edge of her seat, “what did you say?”

“I said… I’d have to check my schedule.”

The intrusive stabbing feeling in Izuku’s gut retreated, just a little. He wasn’t sure why.

Mina nodded. “Playing it cool, I respect that.”

“No, I mean… I really need to check my schedule. Besides—” She shifted uncomfortably again— “I’m not super sure that I even want to date him.”

“Ooh, was he a jerk?”

“Come on too strong?”

“Ugly?” Todoroki asked, only receiving strange looks from everyone. He shrugged. “What?”

Ochako threw her hands up. “No, nothing like that! I just… Dating’s not really anything I’m interested in… not with a total stranger, anyway.” And then, lower, “If I dated someone, I’d want us to be friends first, ya know? It seems kinda awkward otherwise.”

“S-Seems?” Izuku asked with a frown, finally able to spit a word out.

She looked up to him in surprise. “Yeah… I just never really got around to dating. My parents were pretty overprotective, I guess, but by the time I was even interested I was already off to UA. And it’s been nonstop since we got here, so…”

“And that’s why you need to let loose a little!” Mina cheered.

“M-Mina, I don’t—”

“Oh, come on, Ochako,” she said, removing her chair from Momo and Jiro’s table to drag next to her. The other two watched closely, interested in what Ochako had to say. “You spend all your time with Midori and Todoroki, training! You don’t even join us for game night anymore.” She pouted. “And here you are, getting asked on a perfectly good date, and you’re hesitating?”

“I like training! And I like Deku! And Todoroki,” she clarified, before her face could burn even hotter, “and training has reward, you know? The more work I put in, the more likely I am to have the future I want.”

Despite everything, Izuku smiled softly. It was kind of funny, given her Quirk, but Ochako was the most grounded person he knew.

But Mina would not be deterred. “But what greater reward is there than romance?”

“Literally anything else,” she squeaked.

Todoroki raised his hand, seconding her notion. Avoiding Ochako’s gaze, Izuku raised his, too, followed by Jiro.

“I think romance is quite nice,” Momo said. “It certainly breaks from the monotony of the day-to-day. And it’s special to know where you stand— that a person thinks so highly of you, they’d wish to get to know you in an intimate manner.”

Mina flashed a big smile. “That’s a great way to put it! I didn’t know you were a romantic.”

“I agree,” Iida chimed in, startling everyone. “Family has always been highly regarded in my household, and romantic bonds are the core of that. If I were to ever meet a woman I regard that highly, I would wish to communicate such feelings immediately. She would deserve to know.”

Izuku bit his lip, setting down his bowl.

“Fascinating,” Mina continued. “Get in the spirit, you guys! Todoroki! I’ll spare Jiro the embarrassment since I already know her answer.” She winked, and a colorful array of swear words reached Izuku’s ears. However, Mina landed her gaze on him, and she leaned across the table so that their noses were even. “Even you, Midori? Surely a guy with a heart as big as yours would want to give all that love away to a special someone!”

Izuku shrank in his seat, blushing. “I-I never really thought about it before now,” he murmured. “I tend to kinda fade into the background, so girls never really noticed me. Dating wasn’t even an option.”

“Background? Please. And you totally can’t pretend that you don’t like romance!”

Yeah, he liked it. Romance was heartwarming. But him? Finding a girl to be romantic with? As if.

“Girls are always all over you!”

Oh, he’d said that out loud? “I attract creeps,” he whined. “There’s such a difference.” He took a sip of his water. “I still can’t even look at Hatsume or that Toga girl without feeling twenty different kinds of violated. But if you really want to know!” He sighed, giving in. Argh, this was too complicated. “It would be… nice… to be able to feel the kind of romantic love my mom always told me about. To feel that strongly for someone and be able to act on it. You know, give a girl you like a hug and it not feel weird.”

“Like?” Ochako mumbled, studying him closely.

Izuku felt his own cheeks burn. “T-T-That is to say, uh—”

“So pure,” Jiro and Momo sniffled.

“Jeez,” Mina said, cutting him off, and for the first time that day he was grateful that she picked up the conversation. “You guys take everything so seriously! Have you ever heard of casual dating? C’mon, Ochako. You’ve told us all about that traditional wedding you want to have and how you’ll have eleven kids one day and how you wouldn’t let hero work get in the way of that once you’re established!”

Eleven. Izuku felt lightheaded for some reason.

“I know, Mina,” she said, waving her arms. “But that is my number two dream, you know? Besides, like, is something like that even practical? Families aren’t an option for some heroes!”

“My dad made it work,” Todoroki supplied, “though he’s probably not the best example to follow.”

Izuku thought back to All Might’s story about his predecessor, Nana, and how she had to give up her son to foster care after her husband was killed. All Might himself had never married. He couldn’t pretend like such thoughts never haunted him, too, and that he hadn’t asked for advice on it. All Might had said he’d never found someone he cared for in that way, not enough to begin a relationship. But previous users of One for All had done so.

It was a tricky slope, all of this. Confusing and stressful and admittedly, much easier to deal with by not thinking about.

Which is why he silently thanked Tsu when she spoke again. “Come on, guys. If Ochako doesn’t feel comfortable with this, we shouldn’t force her. It is her life, kero.”

“Y-Yeah, I agree,” he murmured. He couldn’t help but notice how pained she looked.

“I’m just looking out for my girl,” Mina shrugged, shaking her head sadly. “Wants a wedding but won’t even date. I get that we’re gonna be heroes one day, but you’re sixteen. Lighten up. One night won’t hurt, but she won’t do it. Not even for a free meal.”

Ochako froze. The air around the table changed. “What did you say?”

“Lighten up?”

“No, after that.”

She wiggled her eyebrows. “Free meal?”

“Yeah. I thought we were supposed to pay for our own food. Isn’t that how it works nowadays?”

All four girls shook their heads, and even Iida and Izuku frowned. Mina held a finger up. “He asked you, sweetie. Modern codes of chivalry dictate that the inviter pays for the invitee. Now, the invitee might offer to pay for their part a maximum of twice before politely accepting the inviter’s insistence that they pay fully for the date.”

Todoroki’s eyes narrowed. “’Modern codes of chivalry?’”

“That’s so complicated,” Ochako groaned.

Izuku gripped his chin. “I’d always assumed that the couple just rotates paying for every date, but that’s a smart strategy for first dates, since you never know if there’ll be a second one, and I guess it could always be used as a good indicator on someone’s character whether they offer to pay or accept payment, although everyone has different thoughts on whether this is social protocol, so I guess…”

“And there he goes again,” Jiro muttered.

“Look,” Mina said, “just promise me you’ll get your head out of both your ass and the clouds and at least think about it?”

“I’ll think about it,” Ochako said flatly as the bell rang. “No more, no less!”

And just like that, Izuku’s stomach was in knots again.

Too complicated.       

Izuku was lying face down on his bed when a knock rapped lightly against his door.

It took a lot more effort than he wanted, but he lifted his head up, brushing back his bangs to look at his clock. Huh, only seven? Training with All Might had been taking a lot out of him lately.

He peeled himself out of bed, mentally preparing to politely decline any weird propositions from Aoyama. And if Kaminari was trying to rope him into another perverted adventure with Mineta because he was the “good kid,” he swore he’d St. Louis Smash both of them into the middle of next week.

But neither of them were at his door when he opened it.

Instead, there stood Ochako, staring at him with her big round eyes and a slight smile on her face as she held up two orange sodas.

Izuku blinked, dumbfounded. And then, he quickly regained his senses. Soft drinks after dark meant only one thing.

He stepped aside, letting her pad across his room. She didn’t stop until she made it to his sliding glass door, pushing it aside and stepping out onto his balcony. He followed quietly, pulling the door closed behind him, and sat on opposite her in the balmy evening air. She tossed him a can and they each began to drink.

From atop the guardrails, they had a clear view of the dorm yard. Orange lights ringed the large patch of grass, casting it in a comfortable glow, and Izuku smiled when he saw that a few of his classmates were down there playing games. Iida and Kirishima competed in Quirk Frisbee as Momo, Jiro, Kaminari, and Mina played a game with one of Kaminari’s old hacky-sacks. Tsu was quietly studying. They’d been outside a lot more recently. Probably enjoying the last bits of summer before fall arrived.

He shifted, trying to get comfortable. He didn’t worry about falling— not anymore, at least, since Ochako had assured him that she’d be there to catch him if he did. He glanced over at her, seeing that she was also smiling fondly down at their friends. “So,” he began gently, “did you want to talk about something?”

She swallowed, letting her drink drift into the air in front of her. “I’ve… I really have been thinking about what Mina said.”

“O-Oh.” Crap. He didn’t like where this was going. “A-About that date?”

“Yeah.”

“Oooh-kay.”

His voice wavered more than he would’ve liked for it to. Ochako, by the grace of God and All Might, chose to ignore this, instead drawing her knees to her chest. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, though, Deku, so if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine.”

He sighed, upset with himself at how unhappy he sounded. “I dunno, Uraraka. I just— I don’t have any experience in this department. Wouldn’t one of the girls be better to talk about this with?”

“Probably,” she murmured, but then she looked away. “But they’re not you.”

Izuku tried to settle his heartbeat as a rush of warmth encased his chest. Wow. Oh, wow. Did she really just say that?

“Yeah,” she giggled, and Izuku blushed heavily again. He really needed to be careful about what he said out loud. Ochako plucked away at her drink. “I know it’s a weird conversation for a girl and a boy to have, right? But you’re my best friend. And you’re so smart, you always have something thoughtful to say! I want to know your opinions on lots of stuff!”

He nearly fell right off the balcony. It was still hard, sometimes, to believe that people thought that highly of him.

“Besides,” she continued, resting her head, “I know you just want the best for me. You want the best for all of us. I’ve never met someone who cares as hard as you do.”

Izuku did not know how to respond to that. He did care. Because he knew how it felt when others didn’t.

But he didn’t tell her this. Of course he didn’t. So, instead, his expression dipped into his signature contemplative frown. “Uraraka… what do you want?”

He winced. That came out much harsher than he meant for it to.

But she looked unperturbed. As always, she knew exactly what he was saying. She glanced wistfully down at the courtyard, tracing the frisbee’s movements.

Her voice was distant when she spoke.

“I know what I want. It’s just kinda selfish.”

Ochako? Selfish? He found himself shaking his head before he even fully processed her words. “You’re not selfish!” She smiled sadly, looking like she didn’t quite believe him. Izuku wanted to take the time to decipher that layered look in her eyes, but words spilled out of his mouth before he could stop them. “You should do whatever makes you happy. If going on a, um, date makes you happy, then don’t think too much about it! B-But if it doesn’t, and it just makes you stressed out, then I would say that you shouldn’t feel obligated to say yes.”

She looked at him wide-eyed, and for a moment, Izuku wondered if he’d said the right thing. Ochako opened her mouth to say something but seemed to think better of it. Instead, she took another sip of her soda. “Free food makes me happy.”

Despite himself, he chuckled. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

She laughed a little, too. “This is really hard, right? Fighting comes easy, I guess. Rescuing and law and all that other stuff. Why is this so much more intense?”

“It’s kinda ridiculous,” he admitted.

She was quiet for a few more seconds, then let out a tiny hum. “I guess you’re right. At the very least, maybe I’ll make a new friend.” She tilted her head. “It’ll be good to have friends outside of our class. Like how we’re cool with Shinso now! And Kendo and um, Hatsume, I guess.”

“Heh, yeah. That we are.”

They laughed again, but slowly the sound lulled into awkward silence, and Izuku felt the weight of tension sticking to him like the humidity in the evening air. Ochako was still upset about something— it was easy to see. He’d been paying a lot more attention to her emotional tells lately.

Ever since the Sports Festival, when she’d tried to hide her sadness in order not to “bother” him. At least, that was one of his theories. His other was that she didn’t want to seem weak in front of her friends, who all worked so hard to be the heroes they idealized. Or maybe she didn’t feel close enough to him to share her problems? He didn’t know. And it frustrated him so much.

He and Todoroki and Iida had made an unspoken pact of sorts to be more open with each other after what happened in Hosu. They’d all three seen the repercussions of stewing in negative emotion. Ochako might not have been present, but of course he included her in that. Todoroki had been so blinded by his hatred for his father that he’d locked himself away from the world. Iida had nearly gotten himself murdered.

He never wanted to see such things happen to Ochako. Couldn’t she see that her friends were willing to help bear her struggles? Especially Izuku.

And maybe he was a massive hypocrite, but y’know, one problem at a time.

But still, All Might’s words lingered in the back of his mind.

There will always be those that are beyond your reach.

“Hey,” he murmured, glancing shyly at her beneath the bits of dark hair that fell into his eyes, “Uraraka? Don’t feel selfish. Wanting something isn’t selfish. We don’t have to be miserable just ‘cause we’re studying to be heroes.” He grew silent, and a faraway pang of sadness and regret pierced his heart. He didn’t know why. “Being happy gives us a reason to keep fighting.”

She was silent. He couldn’t look straight at her. Finally, after a moment, he saw her shift from the corner of his eye. She laughed nervously. “Uh… wow, where did that come from?”

“N-Nowhere special. I just wanted to make sure that you knew.”

“That’s… so nice of you. Really.”

Finally, he brought himself to sit up again, looking over at her. She was right in the middle of tucking her long strands of hair behind her ear. “You’re my best friend, Uraraka. Anytime you need me, I’m here.”

“Yeah… You’re right. Thanks for reassuring me, Deku.”

“You can count on me,” he said softly, offering a shaky, nervous smile. “N-No problem.”

She hugged herself tighter. “I think I’m going to do it,” she whispered.

“Okay,” he said.

And he left it at that.

Saturday came, and Izuku was more conflicted than he ever thought he’d be.

His phone had lit up two hours earlier with a text from Tsu in their group chat— it was a picture of Ochako, who she’d helped to prepare for her date. His face immediately lit up when he saw it. She looked so lovely in the pink and white party dress, which had been a gift from Jiro. It was something she’d gotten recently as a gift, and as it wasn’t her style, she’d given it to Ochako instead. He knew Tsu had sent the message because Ochako’s outdated little phone didn’t have a camera. So, he’d typed back to Tsu in response.

You: You look really nice, Uraraka!

Soon, Iida and Todoroki chimed in as well.

Iida: Be safe! And do not forget to be back before curfew!

Todoroki: Yeah, what they said.

Both girls had sent them smiley faces in return, although Ochako’s was accompanied by a little emoticon heart. His own flipped right up into his throat.

He felt guilty when pangs of sadness stabbed at his insides. Dejectedly, he saved the picture to her contact. It was better than the fuzzy one he’d taken during the Sports Festival.

And then, he smacked his head onto his desk with a groan. Admittedly, Izuku wasn’t crazy over the fact that his best friend— who he happened to enjoy a lot— was going out on a date. He’d thought of it theoretically, of course, because hormones and anxiety and a bunch of other confusing crap. He wasn’t stupid. Of course it was only a matter of time before something like this happened.

Of course someone like her would get asked out.

She was pretty. And so, so nice. And brave, and fierce, and cool. And in any normal universe, would never bother to give him the time of day. He was incredibly grateful that she chose him of all people to hang around with. But her near-constant proximity had led to him feeling… things. Things he couldn’t quite identify. And as he noticed more and more about her, like how perceptive and caring and funny she was… he supposed it was only natural that other guys did, as well.

He blew his bangs out of his eyes, annoyed. He’d become intimately comfortable with these feelings. To the point where he could mostly ignore them and just focus on being her friend, because God, that was more than he could ever ask for. But something churned in his stomach every time she got too close to him. Like she had a habit of doing.

The thought of her out with another guy… on a date… he was uncomfortable with it, and he couldn’t for the life of him figure out why. He’d never met the guy, he could be really great!

So why did that prospect make him physically ill?

Ochako was her own person. It was selfish of him to think about his own feelings when she was perfectly capable of deciding who she wanted to spend time with.

But she was his best friend. Of course he was anxious for her.

That’s all it was. Right?

Right?

He didn’t want to put a name to it, not when he didn’t know up from down in this twisted tangle of emotions, but something in his heart told him it went deeper than that.

He whined, punctuating each thought by slamming his head against the wood. “So— freakin’— complicated— ow.” He rubbed at the knot forming on his forehead. Actually, come to think of it, he’d rather fight off a thousand Nomus than think about this anymore. “Ugh.”

He had no right to her attention, and if this was the way she wanted to spend her free time, he’d make sure he kept his distance and let her have fun.

And so he did. Hours and hours passed. Before he knew it, it was ten o’clock, and their group chat hadn’t let out a single beep. He’d gone through all of that week’s notes, finished up his English essay, completed his math work, and even read ahead for Aizawa’s quiz on hero law on Monday. Now, all he could do was doodle illustrations in his latest volume of Hero Analysis for the Future.

It was kind of unbelievable how bored he got—it was easy to forget that Ochako planned their weekend get-togethers, movie nights, Saturday dinners, board game tournaments, video game tournaments… he and Todoroki never really took the initiative. For Izuku, he always knew that Ochako was there to lay out their plans, and he assumed it was the same for Todoroki. Otherwise Izuku and Iida would be so caught up in their work they’d spend their days off shut in their rooms, unless someone disturbed them. Todoroki wasn’t really that social to begin with. Having that experience now, though, Izuku understood why Ochako made such an effort to get them to have fun together.

His heart twisted in his chest. Just how many Saturdays would be spent like this, from now on…?

Oh, for the love of—

He reached down to his sweatpants pocket, looking for his phone. Iida was surely asleep by now, maintaining his good schedule even on the weekend, but maybe Todoroki was still up. Having someone walk with him to the convenience store for takoyaki sounded like a plan.

He opened his texting app, pausing upon seeing Ochako’s name, but then exited out to text Todoroki.

It was then that another sound in the room surprised him, causing him to drop his phone with a startled squeak.

Someone was knocking on his door.

He scrambled to pick his phone up, accidentally tripping over his rolling desk chair as he did. His chest managed to hit the ground before he caught himself. God, he was such a nervous wreck. He peeled himself from the floor and stumbled over to the entryway, already embarrassed at the noises his visitor must’ve heard. He swung his door open, feigning mental stability.  “Ah, s-sorry about that, I was…”

He picked his gaze up, and froze.

Izuku blinked, not knowing whether this was real. How could it be? This was the last person he expected. But sure enough, it was Ochako that stood just outside his room. She was still in her date dress, the pink lacy material falling just above her knees, but Izuku couldn’t tell much else in the dim light— they’d turned off the fluorescents after ten. That was strange. Shouldn’t she be with the other girls? They’d waited up for her…

“Uraraka?” he mumbled, confused.

Her head was down, and she didn’t meet his eyes when he acknowledged her— her posture only sank deeper. She held herself around her middle, gaze cast down, hair falling into her face so that he couldn’t see it. His breath left him as his eyes finally adjusted to the shadowy hallway.

She was shaking.

A sinking feeling clutched tightly at his heart. “Uraraka, what—"

“Deku,” she whispered, voice small and scratchy, “I screwed up.”

…What?

He swallowed thickly and shifted, allowing the light from his room to spill over her figure.

Suddenly, the squeezing in his chest dropped straight into his midsection, and he felt sick.

He could see it now, in the light. The small details in her appearance that the shadows had hidden from him. The slight rips in her dress. How messy her hair was. The scratches that lined up and down her arms, flanked by bruises in a rainbow of colors, right up to the puncture wounds on her shoulder and the long, thin slash that ran up her thigh.

Izuku inhaled sharply, and she brought her gaze up to his.

An angry cut had been inflicted upon her cheek, ringed in dark purple. It loomed angrily beneath her big brown eyes, which he could now see were red and puffy with tears tracks trailing down from them.

She glanced away again. Izuku still hadn’t moved.

He couldn’t describe the emotions coursing through him. Confusion, worry, sadness. And at the back of his mind, perhaps the darkest of them all, was anger. She shifted uncomfortably under his loaded gaze, and he knew.

Someone had hurt Ochako.

“Uraraka,” he said softly, inching closer to her, “what happened?”

She shook her head. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes, and the lump in Izuku’s throat grew larger. His hands twitched. He wished he could reach out to her, but he didn’t even know how to start. However, as he looked over her trembling shoulders once again, and then out past her into the dark hallway, where all of his classmates slept, a realization hit him.

She’d come to him, didn’t she? That meant she wanted his help, right?

“Deku,” she pleaded, and his name came out of her mouth like it was the hardest thing she’d ever had to say.

Maybe she didn’t even realize… that she wanted his help at all.

He grimaced. He was so used to taking care of problems by cutting to the heart of the matter. He hated himself, because his best friend was not somebody he could pull that off with. Not Ochako of all people, who had stood by his side and supported him even when he’d broken his arms and legs just to prove a point. And then he hated himself more, for wallowing in his own inadequacies when his best friend was crying on his doorstep. He couldn’t make this about himself.

If there was one thing he’d learned in training, it was that the feelings of those in need always came before his own. And the other was that meddling where you’re not asked for is the essence of a hero. Ochako hid things, he’d known it since the Sports Festival. If she wouldn’t talk, he wouldn’t make her— his anxious soul might’ve disliked that, but Ochako was more important, and he didn’t want to scare her away. He dropped his hands lower, keeping his voice as gentle as he could manage.

He cast his gaze downwards. “I’m here, Uraraka,” he said quietly, and that was all he needed to.

She slapped a hand over her mouth, trying to hide the small whimpers that escaped her throat as the dam broke and tears cascaded down her face. Izuku hated seeing her like this. And hated that he could do nothing about it. But as she winced at the tears that pooled over the cut on her cheek, Izuku knew that there was something he could do.

That was what he would focus on for now.

Izuku hastily moved back and waved her into his room. He shut and locked the door behind them, making sure that Mineta hadn’t crept out of his own doorway, and guided Ochako to his bed. The lights were dim in here already— he’d been drawing by the light of his desk lamp. He didn’t feel the need to turn them on. Anything to maintain a calm and soothing atmosphere. Ochako leaned back against his headboard as he rooted through one of his dresser drawers, hunting the thing he needed. He found it beneath a pair of fraying sweatpants.

Izuku turned back to his bed and sat down cross-legged at the end of it, across from Ochako. He laid the first-aid kit between them. It was mostly empty now, used up in all his scrapes and scuffles, but he had enough of what he needed to help Ochako, at least.

He set his jaw, looking up to her worst scratch. “That looks really bad, Uraraka.”

She sniffled.

“You need to make sure it’s okay.”

No response. Shyly, he glanced down at his comforter, tracing patterns on the stars stitched into the fabric. He didn’t want to intrude, but his anxiety over the wellbeing of others had always held power over those particular worries. She wasn’t moving.

“Is it… okay if I clean it for you?”

She was silent. He didn’t think she would outright refuse to talk at all. He was just about to offer her the first aid kit for her to do it herself, when she inhaled.

“It’s okay, Deku.”

Izuku nodded. He dabbed his last bit of alcohol onto the cotton swabs, mentally taking note of what he needed to attend to and setting supplies aside for it. Carefully, he shifted up his bed, swinging his legs off the side so that Ochako could have as much room as she needed. She flinched as he brushed against her leg. The damage must’ve been worse than he thought.

He couldn’t believe that his Saturday night would end with him in his room patching wounds up on his best friend with no single inkling as to how she got them, but in his life, what else was new.

“This might hurt,” he murmured, leaning in to swipe at the cut.

She hissed lowly when it made contact. She jerked her face away, nearly knocking the swab from his hand, while her own hovered inches away from what surely must’ve been a throbbing burn. “S-Sorry,” she said, as her eyes watered again. “Didn’t think it would be that bad.”

His eyes shimmered with understanding. “It’s okay. Um, here, let me…”

He reached out, ghosting his fingers over her face. Strangely, Ochako shut her eyes tight as he did. She didn’t usually have much of a problem with physical contact. Whatever had happened must have affected her really badly. She didn’t stop him, though, so he continued almost as if in a trance. He was thankful that his awkwardness tended to disappear whenever someone he cared about was in danger.

Ochako whimpered silently as he wiped the blood from her face. With it gone from there, he moved on to the marks on her shoulder. They were small, four in total, almost the size of fingernails, if he had to guess…

He sighed shakily.

He taped a small gauze patch over the marks, which were surprisingly deep. Ochako was still trembling. He pulled back, glancing at the cut on her leg. It didn’t look too bad…

However, as he leaned away, Ochako suddenly sprung to life. Her eyes were still on the blankets, but her hands were moving before he could tell what she was doing. And just like that, she grabbed his wrist.

“Deku.”

“Huh?” His eyes snapped to where she held him. He froze again, but he didn’t pull away.

She kept her eyes low.

“I’m sorry.”

His eyes widened, and for some reason he was on the defensive. He could feel it raging inside him. “Uraraka— what are you apologizing for?”

“For— for comin’ to you in the middle of the night, like this.” She released him and buried her face into her knees, so that he could only see her eyes, peering at him from behind a curtain of brown hair. “Without an explanation. I’m so sorry. But I didn’t know what else to do. I-I didn’t mean for you to patch me up like this. B-But you’re such a good person and I didn’t know what to say, so I let you, I’m sorry, I don’t— I just—” She squeezed her eyes shut. “I just don’t know.”

He held his hands out toward her. “Uraraka—”

She was crying again. Wiping her tears as fast as they came. “I feel so stupid. A date is such a dumb thing to cry over. Some guy I’ve never met before.” Her breath hitched. “B-But then he— he—"

“Uraraka.” He shook his head fiercely, but didn’t stray too far. “Uraraka, you don’t have to explain yourself to me. I’ll help you, no matter what! I-If this is something you don’t want to talk about—”

“No.” She dragged the heels of her hands across her eyes. “You deserve to know, Deku.”

His lips thinned. “…A-Are you sure?”

“It’s embarrassing, but…”  She opened her eyes again. They remained affixed to one of his All Might plushies, and absently she grabbed it, wrapping it in her arms tightly. She sank deeper into the blankets. “You helped me… So… It wasn’t a date, Deku. It never was.”

That nauseous feeling returned.

Staying as close to her as common politeness would allow, he scooted back so that he leaned against the wall, settling in and giving Ochako his full attention. Slowly his hands wrapped around his legs as he rested his chin on his knees.

“What happened to you?”

“Well, we went out to eat like I told you we were gonna. He met me at the restaurant on time. Everything seemed to be going well, I guess, he was very talkative and was kinda mean when I tried to butt in. But whatever, you know, I could deal. Bakugo and Monoma insult us on a daily basis. So we ate and left and we started walking back—”

She faltered again, and Izuku patiently waited for her to continue. She swiped at her eyes, and when she uncovered them, a strange look of frustration, disappointment, and sorrow swirled within. She must’ve had so many different feelings that Izuku couldn’t begin to decode them.

“We started walking back, and I hadn’t noticed that he’d grabbed my purse. I saw that he was going through it. We started arguing, and he— he—” She curled into herself. “He said that the whole date was a prank he and his friends set up. He stole something out of my wallet and his friends showed up. They told me I was a hero course showoff. That I was a poor fighter, and that’s why they singled me out. They wanted to show that they were on the same level as us, or something— I don’t know. They chose me to send the message.”

He glanced away, lips pursing. She had mentioned that that boy was from General Studies. They didn’t tend to see a lot of those guys. Shinso had mentioned his resentment, but it had never really crossed Izuku’s mind that others would feel the same. Usually the different classes got along really well.

He’d stolen her purse and insulted her in the same breath— Izuku felt offended on her behalf. He grit his teeth. “Uraraka, what did you do?”

Her voice got small again. “They took me by my wrists. So I did what I had to do. They only saw my fight at the Sports Festival, they didn’t see what I’ve learned since then.”

Izuku stiffened.

“I fought them.”

“You… you…”

She’d fought off a whole group of UA Second Years? Alone?

No wonder she’d come back so scratched up! She was lucky she hadn’t been hurt worse! The whole scenario twisted Izuku’s midsection to pretzels. Ochako had gotten so strong right before his eyes, but a fight like that would be hard for anyone.

Izuku was breathless. Stunned. His mind was so occupied with images of Ochako beaten half to death on the ground that he could only numbly stare at her, eyes widened in horror, as she continued.

“They used a Quirk to hide their faces, I think. But it was enough. I managed to get away, and I got back what the boy took…” She sniffled harshly. “K-Kinda. I didn’t really try to fight back because I didn’t want to get the class in trouble again, not after what happened with you and Bakugo…”

“Nobody would fault you for fighting back,” he rasped. “We’d probably be more upset if you didn’t, Uraraka.”

“I did get one good hit in.” She pouted. “I think I broke his nose. Plus I released the boy who hit me from pretty far away, I think I heard something about him hurting his ankle.”

That was awesome. He wished he could’ve been there to see it.

However, his thoughts still spiraled into mire. His expression grew frustrated, and he berated himself. He didn’t know how to handle this. Ochako was so clearly holding back tears, and now her gaze had dimmed a little, like she’d totally checked out of the conversation as he deliberated on what to say.

Slowly, carefully, he reached out so that his hand rested on her knee. His heart jumped a little when he made contact. But he had to let her know he was here.

“I’m so sorry, Uraraka.”

“It’s not your fault, silly,” she sniffled.

“That doesn’t make it any better. You don’t deserve something like that.”

“Yeah… It’s okay, I just—” Her nose wrinkled, and he knew it was starting to burn with the need to release her oncoming tears. They brimmed at her eyes. But she would not allow them to fall. Izuku’s chest ached as he saw his friend fighting with herself over something so natural.

Why did she hide her feelings? Everything except for joy, which she manufactured more than he would care for. Her sadness, her embarrassment, her anger. She locked it all away from them. She curled further on herself. “It kind of sucks, you know?”

He made a sound of affirmation, but Ochako was too busy trying to hold herself together to answer. She covered her mouth with her hand. “And I really liked this dress, too.” He frowned at how her voice sounded— so fragile. This had to have been a total blow to her confidence.

“Ugh, what a dumb thing to cry over! I just— I was scared, and— this is stupid. I’m… I’m sorry for bothering you, Deku. I’m sorry.”

“You’re not bothering me.”

“But—”

“…Is that what you think?”

His eyes softened. Ochako had never bothered him once, not since the day they met or any afterward. Just being around her motivated him, with the kind words she expressed and the work she put into being a hero. Even the practical reason she had that goal in the first place. Did she think… that showing her weakness was bothersome?

Things had a tendency to build. With the constant stress they’d been under, it was only natural she’d reached a breaking point sometime. And in his experiences, breaking points were minor inconveniences. He’d literally had a panic attack one time in middle school because he’d misplaced one of his shoes, but that was after a week where his pervading hopelessness had grown unprecedentedly aggressive.

“You don’t bother me. You’re a hero, Uraraka, of course you are. But you still have feelings. It’s okay to feel sad and scared sometimes.” He swallowed, and looked at her, uncertainty shining in his eyes. “’There’s plenty of fear behind that smile.’ All Might told me that once. It’s okay to be scared.” He averted his gaze again. “If you want to know a secret about me, well… I’m scared of pretty much everything and everybody.”

“That’s not a secret, Deku.”

“Well!” He sputtered, eyes closing in that way he sometimes did. “You’ve seen me cry a hundred times literally because I switched moods too fast, why would you think crying over something actually bad would bother me?”

Despite everything, she chuckled. His cheeks felt hot. “You always were a crier, ever since I met you.”

“Yeah, so I know what it looks like when you’re trying not to burden others with your problems. Trust me… I get it.” Anxiety began clawing its way up his throat again, and he twisted his fingers into his sweatpants. “I can tell you’re not fine, Uraraka. And that makes me sad, too.”

Let me help you.

Please.

He began trembling right alongside her.

“They save their hearts.”

She hiccupped, burying her eyes into the crook of her elbow. She didn’t want to cry. He knew that, and he could feel his own tears gathering in his eyes.

“Thank you, Deku,” she whispered, and sobbed.

She finally broke down, holding her legs to her chest and never allowing him to see her face, but Izuku was beside her all the same. He shuffled closer, holding his hands at a distance but clearly showing that his comfort was available.

She reached out and squeezed his hand.

His face went beet red, but Ochako was in his room, crying, clearly holding back just a little to keep the boys on either side of them from waking. But she finally had catharsis. Izuku squeezed back, stone-faced, and when she picked her head up she looked at him with the most heartbreaking eyes he’d ever seen in his life, except for Eri and Melissa. He hated seeing his friends cry.

Meeting his eyes seemed to prompt something within her. She extended her legs again and instead leaned toward him, draping her arms over his shoulders and resting her cheek just beside his own.

“You’re amazing, Deku,” she whispered, so lowly that he almost couldn’t hear. “Thank you.”

He relaxed and wrapped his arms around her in return. He was still unused to praise. “O-Of course.”

She didn’t break down on him like he half expected she would— not that he would mind, of course! Instead, the hug lasted for less than ten seconds, though Izuku was hyperaware of each of them. She held him tightly, fiercely, in a way that Izuku couldn’t really describe. Like she was trying to convey ten thousand things with that one single hug.

Finally, she drew back. She was still crying. She took the edge of his blanket and buried herself underneath it, her remaining sobs tearing from her throat in thick disappointment.

If this was how she had to deal, then so be it.

He stayed with her, against the wall, until her breathing evened out. He was just lost in his own headspace. The whole situation felt so gross. This was supposed to have been Ochako’s first ever date, and it had exploded into a fight, repressed emotion, and her crying all over his bed.

He glanced at her quivering figure, barely visible under the comforter. She liked to call him amazing, and he didn’t know why, because he could never hope to match her radiance. Not even close. She really did deserve better.

He’d make it up to her, somehow.

He dragged his eyes from Ochako to his alarm clock, settled right above her. It was after midnight. He reached out, grabbing what was probably her hip, and patted her gently. “Uraraka?”

No response. He frowned. “Uraraka?”

He pushed himself to the edge of the bed, his bare feet hitting the floor, and walked over to the headboard. He grabbed at the comforter, and peeled back so that he could see underneath.

Only to come eye-to-eye with Ochako’s tearstained face, calm and serene in the darkness.

She was fast asleep.

Warmth pooled in his chest, and immediately transferred to his face. He slapped a hand over his eyes, looking through his fingers, definitely not studying her soft features…

Her eyes still had dark purple rings around them.

Rampant indecision swallowed Izuku whole. What should he do? She’d been through such a bad experience that she’d cried herself to sleep, he didn’t want to wake her. But they couldn’t very well share a bed! Just the thought had Izuku’s knees weak.

He looked to the doorway again.

Actually…

It was the weekend, so curfew was lifted. Lots of them went to visit their parents. He knew sometimes that his classmates would crash in each other’s dorms or the common room on weekends.

It was a bit… different… for a boy and a girl to stay together. But Izuku couldn’t bring himself to disturb her peace. Besides, if she was feeling as bad as he suspected, well…

Admittedly, he felt more comfortable knowing she was within arm’s reach.

He moved the blanket back so that she would have an easier time breathing and grabbed one of his pillows off the bed, but before he could set his things down he noticed that Ochako’s small hands were curled around something just below her chin.

A strange contour in the silhouette caught Izuku’s attention.

Normally, he would have just ignored it, respecting her boundaries— especially since they’d broken them down so significantly already. But the sharp edge concerned him. He reached down, plucking it from her slightly opened fist, and turned the plain-looking plastic shard over in his hand.

He knew what he held the moment he saw it. But it couldn’t be.

This was wrong.

Her picture on the corner of the card smiled back at him. But that was all. Because at the edges of the frame, the words that read off stats and certifications had been abruptly cut away, the lesions in the plastic absolute and unforgiving. The piece was jagged, with part of Ochako’s forehead and the bottom part of her school uniform missing.

He knew what this was. He had one just like it.

Izuku’s eyes filled with tears.

Her license. They’d destroyed her license. No wonder she was so upset! It embodied her hopes and dreams, was a token of how hard she’d worked already, and was an irreplaceable heirloom from the day they’d received it.

Her name was in the registry, a replacement would be as simple as walking to the nearest National Quirk Management office and taking a new photo. But the message was loud and clear.

How could they do something like this? To someone like her? Someone so nice and caring!

Izuku felt horrible. God, she’d mentioned that he’d gotten into her purse—why hadn’t she told him? He’d assumed it was money that was taken, which was stupid because Ochako was broke anyway!

He knew how important it was to her…

They didn’t think she deserved to be a hero.

It wasn’t just the plastic, it was the principle.

He glanced back at her, teeth worrying his bottom lip. As much as he wished he didn’t know how she felt, he had a pretty good idea. And that thought tore his heart to pieces, much like the license he held in his hand.

He wiped the water from his face. She was so much stronger than he would ever fully know. He would have no choice but to make peace with that.

Carefully, deciding to let her sleep, he slipped off of his mattress. Instead of disturbing her, he pulled up his comforter, draping it over her slight shoulders and backing away slowly. He took the spare blanket that he kept under his bed and a pillow that had fallen onto the floor, setting them up on the rug below Ochako.

Before he settled in, he whipped his phone out to text Shinso. He’d get to the bottom of who Ochako’s attackers were so they could report it.

But just the thought caused him to scowl at the still-lit desk lamp as more tears blurred his vision.

As he turned away from his bed, a realization clawed its way into his heart.

Izuku accepted that he didn’t know what love was. Not yet. But if this night had taught him anything, it was that he’d rather fight a thousand Nomus… than ever lose Ochako. Especially if this was the result.

He knew there wasn’t much he could do for her. There never had been. But, it was just as he’d done when she showed up on his doorstep— he would focus on what he could do for now. There were a lot of reasons feel uncomfortable, a lot of factors he’d dissected and reconnected, but that did nothing to change how he felt when he was with her. And, being a hero did not stop after disaster— sometimes, it was about being your own hero. And taking risks that were worth it.

How much more would it take... for Ochako to reach her breaking point?

There will always be those beyond your reach.

He would not let Ochako be one of them.

He’d tell her that one day. He had to.

It smelled strange to Ochako when she awoke. Not bad by any means, just more like fresh laundry and sage rather than her more traditionally feminine candle aromas. In fact, she could place the scent exactly, because she caught a whiff of it every single day. That was weird, though. Deku’s scent.

Her eyes cracked open slightly, aware that this blanket over her was heavier than her own, and this pillow lumpier as well. Her confusion only worsened as her vision cleared.

What the—

All Might. So much All Might. Either she’d suddenly emerged into a fever dream, or she was…

She glanced down. There, on the floor, lay a sleeping Izuku, a dopey look on his face as he snoozed away on a tiny little pallet he’d made from a single thin blanket and a ragged old pillow. His fluffy rug had flattened all around him as he cuddled with one of the throws that fell off his bed. Despite how uncomfortable the floor had to have been, he looked perfectly content. Ochako’s expression softened.

She’d fallen asleep in his room after he’d patched her up. Huh. Who knew that crying could take so much out of her? But Izuku had been there with her the whole time. He didn’t complain, not even once.

She really should’ve been mortified— she’d fallen asleep in a boy’s room!— but she couldn’t bring herself to be. Not when it came to Deku. She trusted and adored him so much. And since they didn’t have school tomorrow, no one would think twice about her being in here. The girls always had sleepovers, and she knew some of the boys did, too.

She knew that, since she was awake now, she should have slipped out of his bed and went back up to her own room. But she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. There, in the darkness, surrounded by Izuku’s smell and his presence and his words of assurance, she felt more comfortable than she had in such a long time. He was right there, less than a foot from her, and she was safe.

And just like that, her license caught her eye.

It was beside his alarm clock, placed away from her probably so that she wouldn’t cut herself in her sleep. She already had enough shallow scratches on her hands. Izuku had seen it. He knew.

They were out of sync. No longer on the same wavelength.

She hadn’t wanted to come to him. Stupid, she knew, but she felt so bad venting to her best friend—who she had unresolved feelings for— about a date gone wrong. But when the dust had cleared and the pain had settled in, she found herself in front of his door before she understood what was happening. She did not want him worrying over her, not when his nature worried him so much over other things.

But in her moment of weakness, she wanted to be with the person who inspired her to be stronger in the first place. Lending his love and care and empathy was second nature to him. In all honesty, Ochako really did wish she could be half the hero he was. Half the person he was.

He’d almost cried when he saw how hurt she’d gotten.

And there was Deku, swooping to her rescue just like the hero he wanted to be one day.

She wanted to throw up as he cleaned off her wounds. They weren’t even that bad, all things considered. He was careful to be polite about it, making sure his eyes didn’t travel above her knees, but honestly Ochako wouldn’t have cared if they did. She trusted him. More than anyone.

Unconsciously, she ran her fingers over her cheek, where his had been just hours earlier. So gentle that she could barely tell they were there.

Tears had leaked from her eyes, and she’d brought her shaking fists to cover them.

Deku, so startled, had made a pleading noise as her walls crumbled beneath his touch. Funny how it didn’t even take a smash to do that, just one gentle, caring caress that had made her feel more emotion than those boys who attacked her ever could. She didn’t want to cry in front of him. She’d taken so many precautions not to, and yet here she was, putty in his hands.

It wasn’t fair.

Something had passed between them in that moment. It was unspoken. Uncensored. But it changed everything.

It’s selfish of me, she’d said.

If wanting to be next to him, to see him succeed, to be rewarded for the unconditional care he had taught her and so many others— if wanting that was selfish, then selfish she was.

What makes you happy?

You, she’d so desperately wanted to say. You do.

Screw it, Ochako decided. She was so done justifying it to herself, why she wanted to spend time with Izuku. Because he was the kindest person she’d ever met, and was her best friend, would be a start. She felt safe with him. Inspired by him. Pushing down her feelings of admiration had been fruitless, because it was always his face, his wisdom, that popped into her mind whenever she was in crisis mode. Deku had a way of doing that to people. Momo, Shoji, hell, even Mineta had admitted they looked up to him. And here she was, honored enough to call him her best friend, and she couldn’t even act like it.

Her fists tightened around his comforter.

Resolving to quit avoiding him was one thing, but still, letting him see how she felt…

That makes me sad, too.

He was always so perceptive. How could she lie to someone so sweet and honest? He was ready and willing to be there for her, had figured out exactly how she felt. Love wasn’t the only distraction. How was he supposed to get stronger— how were Iida and Todoroki and Tsu supposed to get stronger— when she was distracting them from their own worries?

She’d done it even since before she knew she had a crush on him. Had done it all her life. Not letting him see anything but her unconditional support because she knew he needed it was second nature to her. Her friends had so many problems already. She knew she needed to handle herself and be plus ultra.

Anything else was just too much.

Sadness tugged at her as she settled back into his bed. She would never understand why Deku made her feel the things she did, but what she did know was that she wanted to be cool like he was, and be someone he would be proud to stand beside at the top. But now, she laid in his bed, taking advantage of his kindness and indulging that dumb crush in a way she had decided wouldn’t be good for either of them.

She just didn’t know anymore.

It’s okay to want something. It gives us a reason to keep fighting.

She closed her eyes again, a deep sigh escaping her lips.

If he only knew.

But still, a nagging inkling plagued her as she fell into a deeper sleep. What was more distracting, really— hiding her feelings, or watching them all blow up in their faces?

How much longer until she reached her breaking point?

“She took a walk and kept her head to the ground.

Everything around her, it was tumbling down.

The veil she hid behind was not as safe and sound as she thought,

As she thought…”