Chapter Text
Nathan's face lit up like a Christmas tree when he saw the flashlight beam outside. "Sam!" He sprinted outside, clearing his window with an eager hop, and it took only moments--and some risky climbing moves, due to his haste to see his big brother--before he reached the nearby rooftop.
Sam caught him from behind, lifting him up and spinning him in a hug. "Ooh, you gotta learn to watch your back, little brother!" Nate laughed as Sam spun him and put him down. Sam ruffled his head. "Hey, it's good to see you, baby brother."
Nate beamed up at him, and Sam felt his heart jolt a little in his chest. It always did when Nathan looked at him like that--like he was the greatest, greatest thing in the world. And he knew that in Nathan's world, he was.
The euphoria pivoted to concern when he spotted the bruise on his brother's cheekbone. "Wha--" he stepped closer, cupping his brother's smaller face and turning his head to look at the marks. "What is THAT?"
"It's nothing," Nate said quietly, shrugging in an uncomfortable way that Sam instantly recognized. Nathan only shrugged like that when something was bothering him, but he didn't want Sam to worry. He did it every time he was upset, and every time he was sick. But Sam was never fooled.
"What, were you fightin'? You never fight." It was true; Nathan didn't ask for trouble. You couldn't find a more even-tempered kid. Sam stepped closer. "Nathan..." he said in such a parent-worthy warning tone that Nathan couldn't help but meet his gaze like a guilty dog.
"They said that Mom was in hell." It was so quiet that Sam barely heard it, even though the rooftops were silent otherwise. Nathan stared at the ground, and Sam immediately turned his little brother's face up towards him, putting his hands around his neck in a gentle bracing squeeze. He gave him a little shake. "Nathan, Nathan, they're just saying it because it gets to you, all right?" He shrugged. "You just gotta learn to laugh it off."
"You wouldn't," Nathan said, looking up at him surprisingly somberly. Sam met his gaze, focusing on his brother a little more: Nathan wasn't usually so earnest, or so direct in his gaze, unless he was seriously shaken up. Realizing that must be the case, Sam gave him a one-armed hug and laughed a little. He knew his little brother was right, anyway. "Well, do as I say, not as I do. And she's NOT, so don't worry about it." Sam said it with confidence, making them both feel a little better. It hurt Sam to think about his mother more than he would admit.
He stepped back and started taking off his jean jacket to reveal a red Henley underneath. "Here. You'll catch a cold."
Nathan rolled his eyes a little, but he couldn't help smiling. "I never get colds."
They both started laughing at the obvious joke, and Sam, still chuckling, started wrapping his little brother in the jacket affectionately, rubbing his arms up and down as he did to give them extra warmth. He felt a chill breeze across his own skin, but mentally brushed it off. "Really?" he asked knowingly, smirking "What d'you call those things you get every month from August to December, huh?"
"They're just...sniffles," Nathan said adorably, ensconced in the too-big-for-him jacket, and Sam giggled down at him as he ruffled his head. Nathan was the only person who could make him giggle like that. If the other guys from the street heard him make that sound...
Ah, fuck it, he thought as he fixed the jacket's collar and gave his brother a rub on the head. It's worth it.
"Sniffles, huh." He smirked again. "Nope, little brother, it's jackets for you from now to January. And longer, even."
Nate laughed ruefully and nodded. "Okay." He glanced back towards the orphanage. "What're you doing here like this, anyway? If the nuns see you, they're gonna call the cops!"
"Well, I got something for ya, and it couldn't wait 'til Christmas."
Nate blinked, surprised. Sam always got him a Christmas gift, even though he specifically told him not to. He couldn't stand the thought of his brother going hungry for a night because he spent money on a book; fortunately, Sam had confessed that the gifts were usually things he'd lifted from yard sales.
"What?" he asked, curious now. Sam grinned and beckoned him towards the other side of the roof, grabbing his backpack as he went. "It's outside."
"What happened to us staying out of trouble?" Nathan couldn't help asking a little nervously, excited too despite himself. Sam's smile grew bigger, recognizing his brother's usual dilemma. He knew he tended to be the leader, and that Nate liked following his lead--but Nathan also was the one who had enough sense to get unnerved by sneaky behavior sometimes. It made Sam braver somehow, stronger, to have someone following him around and taking part in his every adventurous whim. He knew things wouldn't be the same without Nathan.
"Well, this is an exception," he said blithely, posture confident and strong as he reached down and started giving Nathan a boost. Nate jolted a little at being suddenly picked up, but caught on quickly and reached for the ledge smoothly. Sam leapt up next to him as lithe as a cat and lifted him up the rest of the way.
"Sheesh, you're light. The sisters feeding you enough?"
Nate shrugged as they crossed the next roof, puppy eyes instantly going from excited to guilty again. Sam had never seen someone with eyes as expressive as Nathan's, and chuckled inwardly despite his concern. They reached the next jump, but he put a hand out and pulled his brother back to stop him, raising an eyebrow as he held on tight. "You're givin' your food away again, aren't you. Nathan, you gotta stop doing that."
Nathan sighed, unable to think of a response. His brother knew him too well. But the little kids always seemed so hungry...
"Hey, you're still growin' too," Sam said, reading his mind. He pointed a finger at his brother firmly. "If you don't eat enough, you're gonna grow up stunted, with weak bones and stuff. AND you're never gonna be as tall as ME." He gestured to himself, knowing that Nathan always took discipline best when it was ended with a joke. Nate smiled a little and sighed again, shoulders going down in concession. "Okay."
"Hey." Sam tapped him again and gestured across the gap before making the jump himself. He always went first, just in case Nathan's reach wasn't long enough and he needed somebody to catch him. "How's Father Duffy doing?" he asked as they kept climbing.
"He's the one decent guy in there. You should come and say hi."
"Nah," Sam scoffed, "I don't need the guilt."
They swung across a cross, with Sam joking "Was that a sin? I think that's a sin." before landing, and it took a few more minutes of climbing, Tarzan-swinging, and sliding to reach the street level outside the orphanage's gates.
Nathan landed on the ground outside, a little rougher than Sam, and Sam let out a proud huff after patting Nathan's back. "And just like that, we're out."
"All right," Nate said, pleased. "I did it."
"'Course you did." Sam's smile was confident, as if Nate's climbing and acrobatic skills were OBVIOUSLY on par, and Nate beamed at the praise. Sam always made him feel like he was inherently a superstar. He never doubted that Nathan could do anything, and vice versa. They were each other's one constant in life, their only support.
Sam led him around the corner to a well-lit alleyway, where a red motorbike sat parked, shiny and new. "Check it out. Huh?" Sam gestured widely with his arms, presenting the bike like a prize.
"Whoa. You got the 250?" Nate's mouth opened wide.
"250?" Sam pretended to be offended. "What're you talkin' about, this is the 500cc, twin!"
"No way."
"Yeah."
"Where'd you lift it from?"
Sam put a hand to his chest, gasping like a scandalized old woman. "Whoa...that's a low blow. I'll have you know that I am a...changed man. Bought this with hard-earned cash." Nate glanced at him in between looking over the bike, smiling at his brother's pretend offense. Sam stepped up and patted him on the back, nodding towards it. "Here, c'mon, take a seat."
Nate stopped then, his big blue eyes looking at Sam's velvet-brown ones, and froze in place, eyes assessing something that Sam wasn't sure he wanted his brother to see. He already felt like a dick for what he was about to do, but Nathan's puppy-eyed-perceptiveness always made it feel much worse.
He tried to look innocent, and laughed a little, but they both knew it wasn't his real one. "What??"
Nathan looked like he was choosing his words carefully. It wasn't a good look on him, and Sam wished he could ease his mind. "The only time you pull a stunt like this...is when you're trying to make up for something."
Sam leaned back a little, taken aback by the shrewd observation. For a brief second, he was at a loss for words, before his brother's big innocent eyes made his bolster step back up again. "YOU are too smart for your own good, you know that?" He sighed and straightened, hands splayed out plaintively as he leaned across the bike. "All right. I got this job. Pays well, REALLY well, but, uh...I gotta leave town for a little bit."
Nathan stayed stock-still, his face suddenly revealing nothing--and Sam knew that meant he was pissed. "What's a little bit?" The voice was inscrutable, too, and still careful. Nothing like Nathan's.
Sam felt like fidgeting. He really wanted Nathan to stop making that face. "Like a...a year." Nate's eyes immediately widened, looking scared now, and Sam didn't even register that he was moving before he'd rushed around the bike to put a hand on his little brother, voice already calming and entreating. "At the MOST, and then I'll be back before you even know it, all right?"
Nathan looked at the ground, eyes frantic, and visibly swallowed hard before quietly saying "It's not fair."
"Hey." Sam ducked his head to catch his brother's gaze. Nathan looked back up at him tremulously. "Nothing about our lives has been fair...but we've made it work, right?" he said, sounding serious and a little sad. He gave his brother a little chuck on the chest, and Nathan let him, his eyes now fixed on his big brother's face.
Nathan couldn't get what Sam had just said out of his head...so he made the decision, and sighed and nodded. "Yeah. So--" he forced himself to start perking up again "...what's your job?"
Sam relaxed a little, and gave him another chuck on the chest, marveling at his luck. He really did have an easygoing little brother.
"Why don't I take you for a ride somewhere and I'll tell you about it." Nate smiled at that feebly, but consciously made it look stronger, and Sam wanted so desperately to believe the grin's light that he did.
He couldn't help being excited about his job; he'd be working on an archaeological expedition down off the coast of Africa, mostly doing maintenance on the boat, but he'd gotten the dive manager to agree to let him sit in and learn a little on the actual work. Sam hadn't been this excited about something since his mother was alive--not that he said that out loud to Nathan. But Nathan knew it all the same. Sam was positively giddy with excitement, and Nate's adaptable behavior had finally given him release; he could fully enjoy the opportunity, without guilt.
And Nathan was determined to keep it that way.
When he dropped him off, Sam hoisted Nathan up onto the roof and gave him a long, genuine hug, rubbing his brother's back and kissing his hair for a second. He felt a pang in his chest; he really was going to miss him. God, he wished Nathan could come. But Nathan was still smiling, and hugging him tightly back--and feeling his own, well-hidden pang--so he leaned back and grinned, still not quite ready to let go of his baby brother but knowing that they were almost out of time. "Hey, I'll be back before you know it. You sure you're okay with this?"
Nate nodded, smiling up at him like a little kid. "Yeah. Send me pictures, and letters. And drawings."
Sam laughed. "I'll try to draw, Nathan, but you know you're way better at it than me."
Nate blushed a little at the praise for his artwork. He really did like to draw, and he had talent.
Sam considered him for a second, then gave him one more tight hug, actually lifting him off the ground as he did it, and ruffled his head between giving it a kiss. The excitement was tempered with pain now; a kind of homesickness, a NATHAN-sickness, already starting. Nathan felt his brother's light start to fade, and immediately revamped it with a big happy grin. "Go, Sam! Have FUN!"
That did it, and Sam's legendary smirk came back out. "You got it, little brother. I'll see you soon."
It was only after Nathan was sure Sam had cleared the rooftops and gone that he cried.