Work Text:
“I fancy her”
You do not think before saying it, not really. The words simply escapes from your lips without being able to avoid it. That does not mean that it is less true. It had been so obvious that you had not been capable of noticing it before the truth was revealed.
If the moment had not been so awkward, you would have laugh to see Jae's surprised face, who did not expect that answer. Although, being honest, you neither.
“She’s brilliant, and brave, and beautiful.” You say at such speed that words are tangled up in your tongue and spew forth, forced by the necessity of justifying you in some way. Your words are too generic, but it is the most that you can think right now with your mind in the middle of its own civil war.
Jae's face becomes its characteristic relaxed happiness again, although his eyes maintain a brightness of enjoyment. Who would have thought that the curse-breaker, obsessed with saving her brother, would have fallen in love with one of her friends? You do not, obviously.
The conversation continues a little more, but you can not concentrate; focused on your newly found feels. It is useless to continue with the charade that everything is the same. You simply say goodbye, although the words of Jae still remains in your mind.
“You should tell her how you feel.”
In theory it is simple, it is only three words. You have said and done much more during these five years, and however, this scares you more than facing an acromantula. Literally you would prefer to fight against a dragon (and possibly against Charlie if he sees you fighting a dragon. You do not doubt where his true loyalties are.) If you could avoid doing this.
You can not confess her, not yet. You are not ready, right? Or are you? Merula would have had a field day if she could see your current situation. She does not let you forget it, not even the death could save you from her mockery.
Before you notice it, you has arrive in the warm classroom of Herbology. It would be a normal day, if you do not feel like your heart could exploit at any moment. Professor Sprout is wrangling Tonks again because of forgetting earmuffs and replacing them with any other substance that she thinks it would be a good material, while Rowan looks at your forgetful friend desperately. Several of your classmates watch the commotion, accustomed to the Tonks’ messes and satisfied to lose five minutes of class what it is harnessed to talk with their friends.
A little further, away from the crowd, Penny is checking a book while write something on a scroll, completely concentrated in her paper; you can tell by the small furrow that her eyebrows form while she revises the text.
You walk past the other students, sitting next to her. You fidget with your fingers nervously, feeling as if your stomach has been invaded by a horde of pixies. Your face feels warm, and you silently pray that it does not look like the color of Gryffindor.
She looks up, smiling when she notices you. However, that smile is not be capable to cover up her exhaustion, being betrayed by the pallor of her skin and the large dark circles that surround her eyes. Even her hair seems a little more careless than usual (although it still above average of the rest of mortals).
Nevertheless, she is still the prettiest girl that you've ever seen in your life.
You smile in response, a nervous and shaky smile, but a smile after all. She looking down for a moment to finish writing her idea, her handwriting a little more careless. You do not mind waiting. Actually she does you a favor, giving you more time to calm down, but also time to be worried about her. Her evident exhaustion is another reminder of the Snape's harsh words about her.
Langish had been his word.
Penny is one of the strongest people you has met, but in the worst moments even they can lose the way; you know what you were talking about. If it had not been for your friends you would have killed yourself for the overexertion of searching your brother a long time ago. You could not let Penny suffer the same way as you, even if right now you could only try to make her sleep more or eat something, because it is obvious that none of your word could stop her until her sister is free.
Her words interrupt your reverie, informing you of the ingredients and your next steps to finish the potion. You only nod and add some one or two words without being able to add anything to the conversation. Your incompetence in potions is only comparable to the contempt for your professor (And even more after the words about his "favorite student".).
And then the talk would have continued, she talking and you listening while you debate yourself about what to do with your feelings, if it had not been for her next words.
“I don't know why you’re always so nice to me.”
You open your mouth, ready to say your typical phrase of "you are one of my best friends", that all your friends have heard in some moment, but the words refuse to come out. For you Penny is not just another friend, and a crush neither. She is much more.
She was the popular girl who had spoken with you even though it was a social suicide in your first year.
She was the girl who always had a kind word for everyone, no matter who they were.
She was the girl who had not hesitated to help you on a suicide mission, despite you have only had a few words at that time, and who, along with the rest of your friends, had accompanied you to your others adventures.
She was the girl who helped you to understand potions so you would pass that class, spending long afternoons studying and talking under a tree next to the lake, expelled from the library long time ago.
She was the girl that, no matter how Hufflepuff she was, had never had any qualms about carrying out the boldest plans, even those that you would have dare.
She was the girl you had been friends for five years.
She was the girl who had trusted you at her worst.
She was the girl who had encouraged you when you gave up, thinking you would never find your brother.
She was the girl you had fallen in love with.
And she is the girl who deserve the truth.
"I... fancy you, Penny. I'd do anything for you." The feeling of saying it is indescribable, a weight that is taken up from your soul, feeling lighter… Until you do not hear an answer.
You stare at Penny. The nerves, that were under control barely, suffocate you now, being unable to decipher her gaze. Had you been too direct? Had it been a mistake to confess to her? Should you rethink about your confession before doing so? No one had ever been accused you of being a coward (except by Merula surely), but fleeing and hiding had never been so tempting.
You wish that you could deny your words, trying to attribute them to a temporary insanity or a bad joke, to cover up your feelings again. You're not capable to lie to her face.
Where is the chimera when you need it? At least you would free the agony that you feel.
“I... don't know what to say. I can hardly think about anything except what’s happening with my sister…”. It is obvious that it is an excuse to not hurt you, but you understand it perfectly. You are not the best person to have a relationship; your obsession with your brother and the cursed vault is a responsibility that does not let distractions or somebody will be hurt (sometimes you can not avoid thinking that the Beatrice’s fate is your fault).
You do not even know if she likes girls and you still decided to come here while she was stressed out, looking for a solution for her sister's fate desperately. And despite the above, you did not change your mind, believing that this would be a brilliant idea without second thoughts.
You give her another shaky smile (just like the one you gave before your confession, but with a very different meaning), a foolish attempt to prevent her from noticing the pain that his rejection inflict on you. The tears sting the back of his eyes, and they keep there somehow, the only indication of the storm inside you being your watery eyes.
“I understand. Maybe we can talk about it after she’s safe.” You doubt that you will talk about this again, but those phrases were the only thing that you could think before running away and crying in a corner until a very worried Rowan finds you (if its possible, carrying chocolate).
You are ready to turn around and do not stop walking until you leave the greenhouse, but any chance of retreat vanishes when Penny grabs your forearm, keeping you in place. "I.. I promise we will."
You look down on the ground, unable to look into their eyes. You do not know whether to believe her promise or not, she could have said that to avoid hurting you, but you trust Penny. She would never have played with your heart, even if the truth is most painful than the false hope.
However, you can not look her in the eye yet and believe her words... Until she whispers your name.
You look up, confused and hopeful at same time. There was something in her way to say your name that make you stop hiding from her. Your eyes meet. You do not have time to think about her rosy cheeks (and its meaning), because her eyes that get all your attention.
Just like the tone of her voice, there is something in that gaze that, despite not being capable to describe it, you could recognize it, having only seen directed at you on a few occasions, mostly of sideways looks, when she thought you were not looking at her. Now that same brightness is asking you to be patient and to trust her.
This time you do not doubt.
You just nod.
(And if months later, when her sister is already safe, while both of you are resting under a tree for the first time in a long time; an exhausted, but happy Penny whispers in your ear "I fancy you too"... Well, that's up to the future).