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They had lost.
Thor had never really ‘lost’ a battle of any kind. There had always been grand victories, and even if things didn’t go as planned, there would always be some sort of positive outcome. Some defeated evil. Some lesson learned. But this time? The only silver lining seemed to be the fact that Thor got to see the pain in that monster’s eyes when he drove his axe through his heart.
Thanos had allowed half of his people to leave the ship with Valkyrie (who’d flown them to Midgard). Thor had watched the rest of his people suffer, unable to do anything as he watched them all die. The guilt weighed his heart down to this day and no amount of pain he inflicted upon Thanos would compare to it.
After Asgard was destroyed, they had nowhere to go. So, he had come to an arrangement with the Wakandan council to house his people for a brief period till he found some other habitable planet. Thor was indebted to them, despite the council brushing it off. He had offered to help in rebuilding the ruined parts of the city, but apparently, he wasn’t required. They were very pleased by the offer regardless.
Their king had died so all the responsibility was shifted on the late king T’Challa’s mother. Thor thought she was a strong woman. She never showed any pain on her face. She was a pillar of strength and comfort while the whole country mourned their king.
Despite the true battle ending, the chaos had just begun. Friends lost, families broken, wounds that would perhaps never heal. Half of the population… simply gone. First there was backlash from the governments, yapping about the Sokovia Accords. When they learnt this was bigger than the Avengers – bigger than the earth itself – they quietened to an extent, looking for answers elsewhere.
Thor wasn’t too bothered. He was rather busy taking care of his people and trying to salvage whatever they had left. The Avengers had issued search parties to look for their missing friends, often coming back empty handed. Thor went with them sometimes too because it was surprisingly less depressing than watching his people mourn.
He didn’t know where his friends from other realms were, he’d seemingly lost connection with a lot of them. He prayed to the Allfathers that they weren’t dead. But when it came to Heimdall and Loki, he unfortunately knew their fate.
Dead.
Sometimes he hoped that this was one of his brother’s tricks. Some form of deception. That he was still out there, bidding his time. That he had simply teleported away and let his clone choke instead. But no, Thor remembered seeing the space stone glow on Thanos’ gauntlet. He had stopped Loki from teleporting. Thor had mourned for days after the battle in the comfort of the room he’d been given. He’d sobbed and looked up at the sky, praying that Loki would just come back. In his heart, Thor knew, his brother was gone. For real this time. The memory of the gruesome snap of his neck was all too clear in this mind – how Thanos had dropped his limp body with a dull thud uncaringly, right in front of him.
It wasn’t a very merry time on his precious Midgard. It was filled with days of bad news, confirmed deaths and desperate attempts to rebuilt themselves. His rabbit friend was disgruntled to say the least. He tried relentlessly to contact his friends but received no answer. He insisted that they were alive. Thor only nodded and said that he thought so too.
One evening, they spotted something hurtling towards the earth at a massive velocity. Whatever it was, it was small, and they were sure it would crash on the outskirts of the city. Everyone was wary. After Loki and Thanos, they weren’t really the most welcoming when it came to extra terrestrial life. Thor didn’t blame them.
The object landed with a loud bang followed by an explosion. Thor was one of the people who were there a few meters away, ready for conflict. When the dust cleared, they approached cautiously. That’s when they saw the large crater and in the middle of it, an iron suit lay.
Tony Stark had returned.
They had rejoiced and hugged his unconscious, but alive, body before bringing him back to the lab to heal him. He looked older than Thor remembered. Even in his unconscious state Thor could see what just two years of stress had done to him. His beard was more unkempt and had white in spots. The wrinkles in his face were deeper. Regardless, he was glad they didn’t have to say goodbye to another friend.
It took Tony longer than expected but the Wakandans managed to nurse him back to perfect health. He had woken up in a daze and looked around in confusion. Thankfully, Thor had been there to talk to him and fill him in. Tony was distraught. He was physically all right, but he didn’t look too well. Thor could tell he’d lost someone, or perhaps more than just one. But he decided not to mention it at all for now.
Steve had decided to put all their differences aside and be the first one to try to make amends with Tony. Tony wasn’t keen on being on bitter terms with the few friends he had left. So, he reconciled. Thor didn’t know much about their conflict, but he decided that it was probably a good idea to let it remain a thing of the past.
The days following that, Thor met a brilliant girl named Shuri. He was truly in awe. Her lab was magnificent, and he couldn’t believe someone so young could be so gifted and accomplished. She spoke of things Thor didn’t particularly understand but he liked hearing her talk. They would often joke around to lighten the mood how much ever they could. She taught him about this Midgardian thing called the ‘internet’ and surprisingly, he was quite a popular topic on it. She showed him silly video clips and spoke about Midgardian shows and movies. They often binged on them. It brought him joy.
One day however, it wasn’t so light. Shuri had confided in him about her brother’s death and sobbed in his arms. He had comforted her because after all, he too had lost a brother. She had thanked him for listening to her and making her feel better. Thor simply hugged her tighter.
Thor even brought Rocket in to the lab to cheer his friend up. It seemed to work as he started trying to steal things again. Shuri eventually asked him about Rocket and, Thor had told her how his friends had gone missing and how Groot had died after Thanos’ snap.
“Wait, didn’t you say Groot could grow from any part left of him?” Shuri asked.
“Well, yes, of course,” Thor replied, “but he turned to dust when Thanos snapped his fingers. There was nothing left of him.”
“Your axe’s handle didn’t turn to dust,” She said simply.
Thor’s eyes had widened when it dawned on him. He had hugged her tightly and proclaimed that she was a genius. She had only laughed and hugged him back, telling him that she knew. Thor was elated as he cut off a thin piece off the end of Stormbreaker’s handle. With Shuri’s help, he planted it in a small pot. They didn’t tell Rocket though, because they didn’t want to get his hopes up only to have them come crashing down.
Shuri placed the pot in a chamber with bright orange light, telling him that it would provide the plant optimal conditions to grow. Thor nodded and decided to call it a night. He really wanted this to work. Rocket didn’t deserve so much pain and loss. Besides, Thor had seen his relationship with the tree. Having it torn apart was cruel beyond belief.
The next day, Thor had woken up to Shuri running into his room and shaking him awake. She had a giddy smile on her face as she dragged him to the lab. He was still in his night robes and he was aware of how much of a mess he looked like. Regardless, he followed her while rubbing his eyes.
“Look!” She grinned while pointing at the chamber. Thor crouched down to look and his eyes instantly widened.
The small piece of wood had grown tremendously overnight. It was the size of his palm now and the top of it clearly had a face. Its eyes were closed, and it seemed to be snoring in the most adorable manner. Much like Shuri, Thor ran out excitedly in the search of Rocket. He found him asleep in his room and he immediately cried, “Rabbit!”
That day he’d seen Rocket – the guy who was made of stone – cry.
At night he often found himself looking up at the sky and calling for his brother. He knew it was pointless. Childish, even. But he couldn’t help it. First, he’d pray to the Allfathers for Loki’s wellbeing and then, he tried to connect with his brother, calling out to him. He knew his brother’s magic would have picked it up. Well, if he was alive that is.
And just like every other night, he returned to bed with a heavy heart – only after whispering a prayer to ensure his brother reached Valhalla.
“I’m leaving to search for the bodies of Heimdall and my brother. They deserve a proper burial,” He had announced one day. No one had the heart to tell him how pointless it was, they just let him go.
Shuri had offered to come with him but Thor had firmly declined. He wouldn’t in a million years, put that girl’s life in danger. Thankfully, Tony seemed to be on the same page as he offered to come along instead. In usual Stark fashion, he made a couple snide remarks and whined a little about leaving but it was light hearted. He was careful so that none of his comments jabbed at Thor. Tony knew Thor had simply lost too much. Rocket decided to accompany them too because sitting around doing nothing was driving him insane, apparently. It also served as a distraction from the fact that all his friends were missing. And perhaps going on a mission with his tree friend would give him an illusion of normalcy.
Regardless, they took off after noon with loads of supplies in case the trip took longer than expected. They were simply flying to the site where the Asgardian ship had been destroyed hoping to find some clues. They knew it was quite a futile attempt, but at least it was a start.
When they did arrive, there was minimal debris floating away into the space. Thor’s heart ached as he remembered how he had clung onto his dead brother’s body for as long as he could, trying to hold him close even when he was losing consciousness. Thor swallowed thickly and looked out into the dark space, hoping for something to catch his eye.
Nothing.
He squinted his eyes and tried to concentrate. He could hear a soft buzz, which sounded quite mechanical (probably the ship’s engine) but that was all. He cursed and looked back at Stark almost hopelessly. He didn’t know what else to do. He was certain he couldn’t just go back to Midgard empty handed, but he didn’t really have any options.
“The debris is floating in that direction specifically. There must be a nearby planet or something that must be exerting some sort of gravitational pull,” Tony said. It was a reach, but it was better than nothing.
Thor felt so grateful for Stark in that moment that he could have hugged him then and there. But he held himself back as he watched Rocket nod and follow the long trail of debris arranged in a breadcrumb-like manner. Surprisingly enough, Stark was right. In the distance, what had been a small dot had gotten larger as they sped parallelly to the trail of debris. It was a large red-blue planet with Earth-like clouds.
“Is it inhabited?” Thor asked Rocket who just shrugged and said, “It’s habitable. Oxygen content in the air seems to be rich and the ground is definitely not lava. But I don’t know if anyone lives there.”
“Let’s land then,” Tony said with a nod, staring right ahead. Rocket grumbled something about how he was not in the mood to fight weird space aliens but, he landed the ship anyway.
Thor was the first one to step onto the deep reddish-brown soil of the planet. He took a deep breath and sure enough, he could breathe fresh air. The land seemed to stretch on endlessly in the form of large red sand dunes with occasional blue and black shrubbery. It was very arid and empty but, in front of them lay piles of wreckage.
It was their ship. Completely obliterated, save for a few larger chunks of rubble. He ripped the metal pieces one by one to search for someone, anyone at all. He was hoping that maybe he would find something to bring back with him. Tony was by his side, in his suit, doing the same. It was hard labour, and Thor was already grunting and sweating. But he knew he had to be thorough. He couldn’t risk leaving anything of importance behind.
After what felt like hours and hours Thor found what he was looking for. He pulled away a big mass of metal and under, he found it.
“Heimdall,” he gasped as he looked down at his old friend’s body. His large sword was still lodged into his stomach, bent at an awkward angle. It was coated in dried blood and even Heimdall’s clothes had turned brown because of it. His once orange eyes were shut, and his skin looked grey – it had lost its colour. His body was mangled and slightly bulged in a grotesque manner from being in space. He looked like a wrung-out rag doll.
Instantly Thor felt his eyes fill with tears as he knelt to touch his dead friend’s cheek. It was cold and unlike what he was used to. Then came the foul smell. He was too familiar with the vile odour of rotting flesh. It made his stomach churn, but he didn’t vomit.
“Jesus,” He heard Tony mumble behind him. Even Groot, who had been active until now, looked sorrowful. He extended his arm and produced a flower, laying it on Heimdall.
Thor bowed his head as he prayed silently for Heimdall’s spirit to find peace. No doubt his brave and loyal friend would reach Valhalla. He raised his head and took a deep breath. He had to be strong; he could mourn later.
“We must get his body back on the ship,” Thor said, standing up. Rocket produced a compact folded cloth which seemed to extend into a large body bag. He’d clearly come prepared. Stark helped Thor gently pick him up and lay him in the bag, making sure not to damage his already frail body.
“You gotta take the sword out,” Rocket told Thor as he got ready to zip the bag close. Thor nodded and wrapped his hand around the hilt of the sword.
And that’s when he was hit by a nauseating wave of vertigo.
Thor gasped and opened his eyes. He looked around in confusion. He didn’t recognize where he was at first.
It was horribly cold. He could feel the gusts of wind piercing his body. He looked up at the sky, but it was too dark to see the moon or the stars. He trudged forward and took in gasps of breath because his body didn’t feel like it was getting any oxygen. He seemed to be walking closer and closer to a large pile of a rocks which seemed to be covered with a thin layer of snow. They were clustered and stacked together one on top of the other in an odd and unnatural manner.
As he got closer, he saw a figure sprawled carelessly over one of the largest and widest rocks. He couldn’t see who or what it was clearly, so he squinted his eyes and tried to move faster.
When he was just a few feet away, his eyes widened at what he saw.
“…Loki? Loki!”
Thor ran at full force to his brother’s side. He immediately fell to his knees beside him and rest his hand in his chest. He frantically raised his fingers to fell warm breath or perhaps a pulse. But nothing. He let out a dry sob as he looked at his dead brother. Loki’s neck was broken so brutally that the bone jutted out of his flesh in hideous fashion. His eyes were still open and bloodshot, so devoid of light. The veins on his forehead still bulged up. His lips were cracked and parted. Blue but Thor knew it wasn’t because of the cold.
“Brother, please, come back,” Thor cried as he rested his head on Loki’s chest just how he had when their ship had blown up. He reached down to hold his brother’s hands only to see that they’d turned into a sickening bluish-purple colour.
That’s when he felt Loki’s chest rise. He pulled back in shock and looked down. Was he alive? Thor didn’t know as he checked for pulse again. Nothing. Had he imagined it? He knew he couldn’t have; he had felt it. He waited for his pulse to come back but nothing.
He cried harder and screwed his eyes shut, feelings his stomach churn yet again as a large gust of wind ripped at him. This time when he opened his eyes, Loki was gone.
He was crying over Heimdall’s body instead.
He straightened up in confusion again and looked down. Heimdall’s sword had turned to ash in his hands.
“W-What happened?” He asked, his voice cracking a bit.
Tony shared a concerned look with Rocket before saying, “You touched the sword and it started glowing before it sorta melted to dust–”
“It’s not melting if it turns to dust,” Rocket supplied.
“–and then you started crying,” Tony completed, ignoring Rocket.
“Yeah, and your eyes turned orange,” Rocket said as he zipped up the body bag. He had had enough of the smell of corpses, thank you very much.
Thor pursed his lips as he stood up. So, he did have a vision. Was it real or was his mind playing tricks on him? But then again… orange eyes. Heimdall’s sight.
He felt overwhelmed. So, he just carried the body bag back to the ship. His mind was racing a million miles an hour as he tried to think of where Loki’s body might be. It wasn’t exactly hard even in his cloudy state of mind.
When they had successfully concluded that they had nothing more to do on the planet, Thor said, “I have to leave. Take his body back to Earth and hand him over to my people. He will receive a proper funeral.”
“Wait, where the hell are you going?” Rocket frowned.
Thor swallowed thickly and called Stormbreaker into his palm.
“Jotunheim.”
Thor had to admit, he was slowly growing to like Stormbreaker more than Mjölnir. He did miss his hammer of course, but Stormbreaker was just on another level. It was better balanced, more versatile, and not to mention it could summon the Bifrost. It was also surprisingly easy to get the hang of it too.
As soon as he’d swung his axe, he’d felt the Bifrost carry him. All he had to do was make sure he had pictured the place where he wanted to go to clearly whilst calling upon the Rainbow Bridge.
It took him a few seconds to arrive in Jotunheim in the exact same spot he’d seen earlier today. He looked around frantically for the same large pile of rocks but saw nothing. The storm had dulled down and the clouds had seemingly cleared but the sky was still too dark. No moon, no stars.
He saw nothing. The land just stretched out and despite being under an open sky he felt extremely claustrophobic. He knew he couldn’t yell for his brother either. Not only would it be pointless, but he didn’t want to alert any frost giants. He wasn’t exactly on good terms with them.
That’s when he saw it. In the distance, the same big cluster of dark rocks. He gasped and ran after them. Sure enough, his brother lay there lifelessly.
“Please,” He whimpered and pressed two fingers to Loki’s wrist and neck – trying to feel pulse. But nothing.
He really was gone.
Thor was praying that maybe Loki would come out from behind the rocks with a sly grin on his face, proclaiming that he’d survived yet again.
That didn’t happen.
Thor wiped his eyes and gentled picked him up in his burly arms. They needed to get out of there before any Jotun’s decided to show up. He cradled his head in his palm and tucked it against his shoulder. He didn’t want to damage his broken neck further.
This time he felt it too.
Loki’s torso swelled as he seemingly took a deep breath. When he exhaled, Thor felt freezing air hit the crook of his neck.
“This isn’t real,” he told himself as he screwed his eyes shut. His mind was playing tricks on him. He called Stormbreaker to his palm and summoned the Bifrost again. As he was carried away, he looked down at his brother. So frail and devoid of life. He blinked the tears out of his eyes, trying to explain away the ‘breathing’. But he couldn’t. He’d seen it. He’d felt it. What if this was his brother’s magic?
Even as he could feel no pulse or warmth of breath, he couldn’t let his hope die with his brother.
They arrived right in the middle of the city of Wakanda. Thor had been aiming for the lab, but he wasn’t perfect at summoning the Bifrost yet. People gasped upon his arrival, but he ignored them as he headed for the lab, hysterical to say the least. He was holding his brother in both arms, not caring much as he let Stormbreaker fall onto the ground. As soon as he got into the lab, he bumped into Shuri who was walking out.
“Oh great, another white boy for me to fix?” She joked as she looked at him. But one look from Thor, she knew this something bigger.
“He’s my brother, please help-help him!” He said desperately as he laid Loki down on the table he’d previously seen Shuri do her healing on. She snapped into action as she flipped switches and brought out a large tray of tools. She looked up at the screen that told her about Loki’s vitals.
Suddenly, her frantic movements stopped altogether.
“Do something!” Thor yelled while tears flowed freely down his cheeks.
“T-Thor–” She began as she set down the tools she was holding. She turned around to look at him with sorry eyes.
“He’s dead.”
Thor refused to believe it. He didn’t let them bury him because he’d felt Loki breath. He wasn’t going crazy. He’d felt it. Why wouldn’t Shuri believe him? She kept saying that she understood why it was hard for him and that he needed to accept it, so he could move on. But it always ended up in Thor shouting that his little brother was alive! Why wasn’t anyone helping him?
He stopped going to the lab because he would be confronted by Shuri not helping his brother who was laying on that table. He felt worse than before now. He felt like the Norns were putting him through unnecessary suffering. He’d lost everything, was that not enough?
Even his people were losing faith in him. Word of Loki’s ‘body’ returning and spread. They were convinced that their king was losing his mind. Thor knew he had to be the king his people wanted – no, needed – in a time like this. But how could he when the whole world was turning against him? A selfish part of him wanted to scream at them and say that at least they had their families to look for comfort. Who did he have?
A dead brother.
“Thor?”
He slowly looked back at the door that had creaked open. It was Shuri.
“Can I come in?” She asked in a soft voice. He nodded and returned to staring out of the window forlornly. She walked forward and gingerly placed her hand on his massive bicep.
“I… It’s time.”
Her voice was barely a whisper.
“For what?” He said in a gruff voice.
She paused.
“To let go.”
Even though Thor didn’t want to, he listened to Shuri. Maybe it was time for him to get his act together. Loki was gone and so was his whole family. He had to make the best of what he had now and not lose his mind. He followed her to the lab where Loki’s body lay on the table. She had attached his head back to his body, so it wasn’t hanging off like before, and she patched up all his wounds. She’d even cleaned up his clothes and brushed his hair.
Thor walked forward and cupped his cold, cold cheek.
“You promised the sun would shine on us again, brother,” Thor choked out. His throat was closing as he felt hot tears burn in his eyes. The sky darkened outside, and the sound of distant thunder echoed.
Loki’s chapped lips didn’t move.
Thor screwed his eyes shut and brushed Loki’s dark hair out of his face. He remembered how they both had a clump of each other’s hair braided into their own. He’d thought Loki had discarded his after he fell from the Bifrost, but Thor could see the gold that peaked from behind Loki’s ear.
He took a shaky breath and stood up straight. He looked towards Shuri and nodded solemnly. She understood what he meant. Just as she stepped forward to take Loki away, her equipment breathed to life. For a moment, it flickered Loki’s vitals; his heart beat, oxygen, temperature, everything. And just like that, it disappeared.
Shuri blinked, clearly startled.
“What was that?” Thor asked. He couldn’t help it as hope leaked into his voice. She didn’t reply as she just stared at the whole apparatus with immense concentration. Thor could practically see the gears move in her head. He wanted to ask if Loki had breathed again, just how Thor knew he had before. He wanted to ask if he could have his brother back. But he didn’t.
Shuri walked forward and opened a panel on the underside of the monitor. He watched her as she clicked away for a few seconds before turning around. He looked at her in anticipation.
“Technical problem.” She said.
Thor heaved a sigh and nodded before turning to leave.
Thor had not seen Shuri for a while, but he was too busy preparing for Loki’s funeral to notice. Everything was in place and he had decided he would be the archer to ignite Loki’s vessel as it drifted out of this realm. The whole day was spent in that and he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep that night.
He ended up sitting by his bedroom window, talking into the air, pretending Loki was there to listen. But of course, he wasn’t. He was gone. Thor had seen it with his own eyes this time and if he ever doubted it, he could go down to the lab and see Loki’s body again. Not that he wished too. That was not how he wanted to remember his brother.
“I love you, brother,” he said quietly as he looked up at the moon. Only the wind answered him.
In the morning, he was woken up by Shuri shaking his arm violently. He groaned throatily and looked up at her, “What’s the meaning of this?”
“I need you to come with me right now.”
He didn’t question her further when he heard the urgency in her voice. He sat up and pulled on his clothes before following her to the lab. She had dark shadows under her eyes and her hair was thrown up carelessly. She had definitely stayed up the entire night.
“After what I show you, I need you to not freak out, okay?” She said while walking briskly. “I don’t really know what’s happening but I’m pretty sure it’s a good thing.”
Thor didn’t reply as he followed her into the lab. They approached her work station and Thor finally saw it.
He immediately stopped in his tracks.
“What?” he hissed, as if in pain.
Loki lay in front of him, resting. His chest rose and fell at a steady rhythm. His cheeks weren’t pale, his lips weren’t parched. He was alive.
“T-This is…This is not possible,” Thor croaked. He didn’t dare step closer.
“That’s what I thought!” Shuri proclaimed. “After he apparently breathed yesterday, I was… sceptical, especially because you said you’d seen him breath too. So, I put him on bypass to make his heart beat, just to see what happened, and he started breathing again! God, Thor he started healing on his own. At first, I thought this was just a physical thing because of his heritage, I dunno. But a few minutes ago, he opened his eyes and looked around before falling back asleep.”
Thor only blinked at his brother in disbelief. He couldn’t believe it.
“Sorry, I didn’t tell you right away, I was scared I would be giving you false hope,” she said sheepishly. Thor let out a dry chuckle and shook his head. He was speechless.
He walked forward and sat down on the chair next to Loki. He gingerly placed his hand on top of his. He could feel the heart beat thrumming under Loki’s skin. That’s when he caught movement under Loki’s eyelid. Thor eyes immediately searched Loki’s face for something, anything.
Thor exhaled a breath he didn’t know he was holding when Loki’s eye’s fluttered open. His hand immediately cupped Loki’s cheek as he leaned in to look into his hooded eyes. Loki looked confused as he peered up at Thor tiredly. He looked so weak, despite being perfectly healthy physically. He opened his mouth and breathed softly, “T-Thor?”
Thor sobbed out and pressed their foreheads together.
“Loki.”
Thor knew it would take them a while to nurse Loki back to his original state. Despite being healed physically, it was like all his energy had been drained, but Thor guessed nearly dying could do that you. Initially, Loki could barely speak a few words before falling asleep from tiredness. But Thor didn’t care, he had his brother back.
When Loki was strong enough to talk, he told Thor about how he’d put a simple healing spell on himself when Thanos was crushing his neck. Thor had only laughed fondly when Loki said, “Really, brother, it was quite obvious. I suppose you’re still thick as ever.”
Loki wished to see the sunrise and who was Thor to deny him of that? He was still much too weak to walk but Thor took him out on what Shuri told him was a ‘wheelchair’. He pushed him out into the open field and told him about all that had happened. Loki jested with him just as they used to. It made Thor’s heart swell with happiness.
They picked a spot and sat down on the soft grass, Thor supporting most of Loki’s weight. He watched Loki tilt his head up to look at the sky as the sun rose. Red and yellow filled the sky. They watched the colours dance in silence until the warm glow of the sun touched their cheeks.
Loki smiled gently and lowered his gaze to meet Thor’s.
“I promised, didn’t I?”