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The long walk back was hellish. Everything hurt so much. Sensei didn’t say anything else, holding Phos as he made the slow journey back to the school. Snippets and clips of what had just occurred swam around Phos’s mind, that vile chilling moment as they watched Antarticite shatter into thousands, helpless. It should have been them not Antarc. Phos was nothing but a liability to sensei and the others, it was their fault they were taken away. They weren’t strong enough.
Finally they arrived back at the school, sensei’s steps echoing through the cold empty halls. They’d only been gone for an hour now, the event itself felt as if it happened years ago. Incredibly gently Sensei places phos down on the repair table, still saying nothing. He was well aware of how to heal a broken gem, having had to do it many times before Rutile emerged. Phos wanted to say something, an apology or anything. Sensei was so calm and collected but he must be hurting too right? Was he angry at them? That wouldn’t be surprising honestly, it was all Phos’s fault this even happened. It took around forty minutes to fully piece them back together, he was rusty after not doing this for one of his gems in hundreds of years. Thankfully the gold alloy had filled some of the hairline cracks throughout their body. Perhaps he could fix any more in the morning if it was bothering them.
Sitting up slowly they swung their legs off the table, the agate glinting in the now twilight. “Sens-“
Phos began to speak, but he’d already turned around and began walking in the opposite direction towards his quarters. He obviously wasn’t in the mood to talk. Of course he wasn’t, he’d just lost one of his basically children that afternoon. Not long after he left Phos didn’t even notice they had begun to shake violently, since when was everything so cold? It was so quiet, too quiet. All the voices in their head began swinging and tormenting them, making it all they could hear. It was all their fault Antarticite wasn’t here anymore. Now they would have to take charge of winter, how would they ever be able to keep it up to their standards? This wasn’t something they were ready to take on.
Slipping down onto the floor their head fell into their hands, now shaking violently. They remembered Antarticites soft voice gently chastising them, their rare but brilliant smiles. Their dry humour as they teased phos lovingly it felt. They’d never ever get to experience that again. They were truly gone. Forever. The sudden realisation that they weren’t ever going to come back shattered through phos. Gold filled their vision as alloy tears bubbled up and cascaded down their porcelain face. A heartbroken scream of agony echoed through the halls, it replaying as it bounced across the marble floors and ceiling, almost mockingly.
A harsh choking sob erupted and phos fell to the floor, it was freezing cold. The alloy kept a steady flow, burning their eyes. Gold. Just gold was all they could see. If they hadn’t lost their stupid arms in the first place this wouldn’t have happened. Antarc would be here with them, snapping at them to get up and stop being dramatic. It wasn’t fair. It ISN’T fair. Their sobbing howls kept echoing still, it was all they could hear now. No matter how much they wiped their eyed it kept coming, the sobbing coming in cruel waves again and again making their body wrack violently.
“I- I’M SO..... SO-RRY”
They shouted out to nobody. This hurt so much, it was unbelievable. As if one of the moon people’s arrows had ripped through their chest cavity, slowly shattering it until it crumbled.
Now curled into the fetal position on the floor they gave up and stopped fighting it. Letting themselves harshly cry it out as much as they could. They felt so alone, so scared. The alloy began to make a puddle below their cheek and right eye, it was getting darker now. How long had passed? The moonlight made the gold shimmer, the moon that took away someone so special to them. It was all too much, too painful. All they wanted in that moment was to shatter completely and stop being such a burden to everybody.
-
Adamant stood inside his quarters, watching the moon rise outside his window. The afternoon had been one of his worst, losing a gem was always difficult for him. He couldn’t let himself fall down, the gems looked up to him. If he let himself mourn and feel he’d be unstable and unable to care for them. They were all that mattered to him. At least with it being winter he would have the privacy, exempt for Phos of course. Guilt crawled down his back, he’d just left them alone after all this. It was his own cowardice, he didn’t want phos to see him so weak.
A shrill scream pulled him out of thought. It wasn’t a shout of fear or shock, it was a terrible awful sound. Emanating pure pain and heartbreak, it was almost unbearable to listen to. His body reacted before his own mind could, he was suddenly marching back down through the corridors. How could he have just left them there so selfishly? He was still wearing his stripped tattered ropes, it flying in the chill breeze. He looked a complete mess, but so did phos when he found them.
-
The crying seemed never ending, each sob cracking through them remorselessly. All now they could hear was ringing and static, only able to feel the raw pain and emotion. They never even sensed the elder gems presence, as he rushed over and kneeled down to them. He firmly pulled phos into his arms, lifting them up and wrapping his robes around them.
“It’s okay child, I’m here.”
The sudden contact and comfort seemed to break phos further, they buried into Kongo’s chest, crying even harder.
The sight was heartbreaking for him to watch, he’d been so selfish to just leave them, they must be so traumatised by what occurred. He pressed a large hand against their back, rubbing back and forth and they mourned further.
“Sen-Sensei...it’s m-y fault. I wasn-t st-rong enough”
He simply shushed them gently upon saying that, the series of events were incredibly unfortunate but it wasn’t their fault. If anything it was his own for being so careless.
“No such thing dear. You are NOT to blame.”
He firmly emphasised his word, wanting to reassure them desperately it wasn’t their fault. Phos only clung harder to him, as if he too was about to shatter any moment. “Antarc- told me... to take ca-re of sensei... for t-hem.”
Phos slowly lifted their head up, making blurry eye contact with the adamant.
“So that’s... what im.. gonna do.” A sad smile appeared on their face, still tears running down their cheeks.
The words hit home to him, he closed his eyes shut momentarily, he had to stay strong for phos. He returned a pained smile, eyebrows knitted together
“I’d really like that.”
He couldn’t help his voice cracking slightly and Phos picked up on it. They shuffled in his hold and wrapped their arms around his neck, the alloy wetting his already ruined robes. “I.. love you Sen-sei”
Their words broke in a soft crying as they spoke, burying their head in Kongo’s neck.
He could only respond with a noise that sounded like a mix between a laugh and a sob.
“I love you too Phos.”
No matter how hard he kept his exterior he couldn’t fight off the two tears that rolled down his face. Things were going to be really difficult without Antarticite, but they were going to have to get through it together. They would be able to power through it.