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Jaemin had no idea when it started. Part of him wants to say that he always thought Renjun was beautiful, that he had always had a soft spot for his same-aged friend. How could he not? Renjun, despite his spunk and sass, had always been adorable in Jaemin’s eyes. As he lay on his bed, his mind drifted back to when they had just debuted, when Renjun was even tinier, with his adorable cheeks and snaggletooth. Now, the tooth was gone, he was a bit taller and more defined, yet that softness still remained. Jaemin couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, he’d always felt something for Renjun. He feels his chest ache at the thought as he stared at the dim glow of the stars he stuck onto his bedroom ceiling. That, too, he had done for Renjun. How many other things had he subconsciously done just to see a smile on the other’s face?
“Hey, were you even listening to me?” Jaemin snapped out of his reverie at the sudden question. He cleared his throat before responding, “of course!” He felt the bed shift, suddenly Renjun was sitting up and looking down at him. Jaemin felt a blush rise up to his cheeks, thankful that the only light in the room was from his cheap glow-in-the-dark stars. The intense stare Renjun was giving him was too much that he just had to look away. He kept silent, fearing that his feelings would pour out like a waterfall if he so much as opened his mouth. If Renjun noticed his uncharacteristic silence, he made no indication of it. The seconds felt like minutes as Renjun continued staring at him silently before suddenly getting up and walking to the door. He paused with his hand on the doorknob and without looking back at Jaemin, he bid the other a soft goodnight. Jaemin heaved a sigh of relief, mentally congratulating himself for keeping his feelings in check before a sudden wave of confusion hit him. Why was Renjun staring at him like that? Why did he suddenly leave? Jaemin shook his head and, convincing himself not to make a big deal out of it, he decided to get some shut eye.
“Nana, is everything alright?” Jaemin jerked back into reality at that, looking up to see Mark staring at him worriedly. He flashed the other a bright smile, reassuring him that everything was absolutely fine. “You’ve been spacing out a lot recently,” says Mark. Jaemin stays silent, he keeps his head down to avoid seeing the worried glances Mark sends him before he finally stands up, giving Jaemin a pat on his shoulder. “Just don’t do it during dance practice.” With that, Jaemin was alone with his thoughts again. It was getting out of hand, his infatuation with Renjun was becoming harder and harder for him to keep locked in his heart. His chest aches every time he so much as hears Renjun’s name. He grows weak at the mere sight of the boy. All he can think about is the twinkle in Renjun’s eyes, the softness of his hair, the tenderness in his voice. Renjun, Renjun, Renjun—was all his brain could come up with and he knew the others were starting to catch on to his strange behavior—even Renjun himself. So, Jaemin gets up and makes the quick decision to try his best to act normally. He decides he’ll put his feelings aside and use this time to join the others in the living room. He stops in his tracks as he sees everyone, huddled close on the couch and on the floor. Jaemin looks at them fondly, a soft smile gracing his features as Donghyuck cuddles a bit closer to a seemingly annoyed Mark. He makes a move to join them before he’s once again stopped; this time, by a hand hesitantly tugging on his sleeve. He turns to find quite possibly the softest Renjun he’s ever seen. His hair is beautifully messy, he’s in adorable moomin pajamas, and he’s looking up at Jaemin with big puppy eyes. Jaemin feels the wind get knocked out of him. Suddenly, time stops and he loses all control of his body so he lets Renjun pull him, making him sit on the floor. He’s hyper aware of the fact that Renjun was still holding onto his sleeve. He could feel his heart racing, the sudden weight on his shoulder not helping. Jaemin’s brain was working on overdrive at this point. He was in utter disbelief at what was happening. Since when was Renjun this cuddly? He had always rejected Jaemin’s attempts which was why there was always a gap left between them during their late night talks. But now, not only was he sitting too close for comfort, he was basically cuddling up to Jaemin’s side. Jaemin’s poor little heart could barely take it and he knows that there’s no way Renjun wasn’t aware of it too with how close he is.
Jaemin wakes up with a start. His back is killing him and for some reason, he’s on the floor with his back against the couch. Despite his sleepy state, he vaguely recalls Renjun having fallen asleep on his shoulder, which probably explains why Jaemin was still in the same spot he was when they were all watching a movie last night. He’s not sure why no one bothered to wake him nor why he was now wrapped in a soft blanket he had no recollection of having. Deciding there was really no point pondering on all of these things, he gets up, heading to the bathroom to brush his teeth. On the way, he runs into Donghyuck, who gives him a funny look and a suspicious smile. Jaemin quirks an eyebrow at him but Donghyuck just shrugs and walks away. Jaemin pays him no mind, shrugging this off as “typical Donghyuck behavior.” Moments later, he emerges from the bathroom, making a beeline for the kitchen. He finds the 5 of them already eating breakfast. “Where’s Renjun,” he asks. They all turn to him, flashing him strange smiles, just as Donghyuck had moments earlier. This freaks Jaemin out so he escapes to the kitchen. Just as he pours milk into his cereal, he feels arms slowly snake around his waist. In his shock, some milk spills onto the counter. Thankfully he doesn’t drop it. He puts the milk down, not wanting to cause more damage. Before he even gets a chance to ask, he feels the intruder press his forehead against his shoulder and he hears the soft voice he yearned for. “Good morning, did you sleep well?” Jaemin feels his throat close up and his cheeks heat up. He couldn’t trust himself right now so he settles for a nod—hoping Renjun had seen—or felt it. It seems to work because seconds later, he feels the arms around his waist give him a soft squeeze and hears a mumbled “good” before he’s once again left alone. He can’t help but wonder what has gotten into Renjun. Was the other feeling homesick? Did he miss his family? No, that can’t be it, all these things have happened before yet Renjun had never initiated as much skinship as he had been doing the past few days. He heaves a deep sigh, carrying his sad bowl of soggy cereal to the table where everyone else is sitting, waiting for him. He takes a seat, the only free spot being beside Chenle which was unfortunately directly across from Renjun. He keeps his eyes trained on his food, scooping large spoonfuls into his mouth. He can feel both Chenle and Renjun’s eyes on him but he pretends not to notice.
Jaemin flops onto his bed as soon as he enters his room. Their schedules have been packed and he was glad they were allowed to leave practice earlier than usual today. He stared up at the stars on his ceiling, wondering if Renjun had decided to rest too. He groaned and pulled at his hair in frustration. Every moment he could get to himself was spent thinking about Renjun and his behavior the past few days. Something was definitely off about the other boy and it wasn’t healthy for Jaemin’s weak heart. Not only had Renjun become touchier with him, the other even did little things for him like give him water during practices. Heck, he even started wearing the couple bracelet Jaemin got him for his birthday last year. A small voice in his head was telling him that Renjun may feel the same way about him but Jaemin didn’t have the courage to believe in it. He turns to his side and sighs sadly, the reality of his alleged unrequited love crashing into him. There was just no way Renjun would ever feel the same because why on earth would someone as ethereal and precious as Huang Renjun fall for someone like Na Jaemin? He’s stopped from further degrading himself as he hears the door to his room open. Whoever decided to intrude on his time was definitely trying, and failing, to be discrete. Jaemin decides to humor them, closing his eyes and pretending to be asleep. It was probably just Mark checking in on him. Once they realize he’s asleep, they’ll likely just leave quietly. However, none of that happens. He feels the bed dip and suddenly, he’s being wrapped in a hug. He feels his heart stop because he doesn’t even have to look to know that it’s Renjun. He opens his mouth, a question hanging on the tip of his tongue but Renjun beats him to it, shushing him. He feels Renjun get comfortable against his back. He decides then that whatever questions he has can wait.
Jaemin wakes up to Renjun’s angelic sleeping face and he comes to the conclusion that this is how he wants to wake up every day of his life. He wishes this moment could last forever because he knows that the moment Renjun opens his eyes, he’ll have to face the reality that Renjun isn’t his. He glances down at the other’s lips, wondering if he should take this chance. He internally scolds himself for even considering that because Renjun doesn’t deserve stolen kisses. He deserves only the best. He deserves someone who would show him off and give him all the love he deserves. Jaemin could and would give him that if given the chance but he was a coward. He’d rather be by Renjun’s side as his friend than risk it all and lose him. It’s becoming increasingly hard for him but he knows it’s worth it the moment Renjun opens his eyes, looking up at him and flashing him a soft, sleepy smile. He shoots him a small smile back, hoping Renjun can’t see the storm brewing inside his heart. Then, the unexpected happens. He has no idea when Renjun started moving but suddenly he feels soft lips on his. It was short and sweet but Jaemin knows that even he couldn’t have imagined this moment. The soft blush on Renjun’s cheeks and the shy look on his face compels Jaemin to lean in, pressing another soft kiss against the other’s lips. When he pulls back, seeing the smile on Renjun’s face and the happy twinkle in his eyes, Jaemin knows that the clouds have shifted and the sun is shining because he doesn’t even need to hear it to know that Renjun feels the same.