Chapter Text
“Eugh, god I hate you” you muttered under your breath.
Raph glared at you. “What was that, sweetheart?”, the pet name hissed out of his lips like poison.
“Nothing, Raphael, just noting to myself how much I love it when you’re thick-headed and stubborn."
“Well no one’s making you stick around, y’know. You’re the one rocking up every day and making yourself nice and at home”
“Yeah, ‘cause most of the time I’m invited by your brothers, who I actually like” you spat back.
“God knows why they want you here, you’re nothing but a nuisance in my book. A fly that needs swatting, always buzzing around my ears”
“Swat her and you’re answering to me” Leo warned, voice about as dangerous as it could get.
“I’d be doing you a favour” he muttered.
“I’m serious, Raph. Touch her and you’re dead”
Raph looked you up and down. “Probably for the best, wouldn’t wanna touch her, might catch something”
Your retort was still forming on your tongue when Leo sank down onto the sofa beside you, handing over a can and flipping open a box with a few slices of cold pizza in it. “Ignore him, he’s not worth the wasted breath” the leader warned, throwing a meaningful look your way. You took a sip of the drink, holding your free hand up in fake surrender. Raphael went back to lifting weights in the corner, the two of you exchanging evil eyes until he gave up and stormed out.
“What the hell is it with you two?” Leo asked once Raph was out of ear shot. You looked incredulous.
“You mean you don’t hate everything about him?”
“He’s not my favourite person, but no. He’s loyal and passionate and he’s committed to his family”
“You mean he’s stubborn, hot-headed and hostile towards outsiders”
“If you just got to know him better-“
“Then I’d have to spend time around him, and if I did that one of us would probably kill the other”
Leo sighed. “I give up, you’re impossible. Both of you. But just so you know, I think the two of you would get along really well if you just allowed yourselves”
“Ha, you’re funny Leo”, your voice suggested quite the opposite as you grabbed the last slice of pizza. “I love you, I love Mikey and Donnie, I’m even immensely fond of Splinter, but I will never even mildly like Raphael”
“God, you’re here again” Raphael’s voice grumbled behind you. You sighed, closing the fridge. He grabbed the door out of your hand and opened it again, towering over you to grab himself something to drink.
“Oh my god you smell disgusting, where have you even been? Swimming in the sewer? You know that’s not just water right?”
You put on a fake cough as he crowded you, making retching noises until he stepped away.
“Ever stop to think maybe you’re the source of the smell? You do know how to bathe don’t you? You make me nauseous even being near you, and that coming from a guy who grew up in a sewer”
“That smell is soap, maybe you should look into it” you shot back. “I could give you some, I’m sure it would count as charity work”
“I’d rather not wash with something you’d handled. I like not dying from disease, if it’s all the same to you”
“You’re more likely to catch something from that pit you call a room, I can smell it every time you open the door”
“I can smell your stench every you open your mouth”
“It’s not the sewer that smells, I bet it’s just you stinking out the whole city”
“I can smell you coming every time you even come near this place”
You glared at each for a moment before he slammed the fridge door and marched off. A guttural growl escaped you. “I hate you so much!” you yelled after him.
“Right back at ya”
Mikey had been sat at the table for the entire conversation, patiently waiting to continue the board game you’d been playing. He just blinked at you when you sat back down.
“What?”
“Nothing, it’s nothing, I swear”
“Damn right it’s nothing”, you growled, picking up the dice.
“It’s just that-”
Your head snapped up. “What?”
“Well for a moment there I would’ve put money on the two of you kissing”
If you’d had a drink in your mouth you would’ve spat it right out again. “Are you insane? Kiss Raph?”, you shuddered at the thought. “The only reason I’d do that is if I was wearing poison lipstick”
Mikey just smirked.
You glared back.
“Hey Don, could you take a look at – oh, of course she’s here!”
You glanced up from your phone when you heard Raph’s outcry.
“Yeah, I invited her over for the evening. We’re gonna play some video games in a bit, I just hadn’t quite finished here. You could join us if you wanted”
“No, I couldn’t”
“No, he couldn’t”
Donnie looked at the two of you. “Oh, come on, you can’t actually hate each other as much as you put on”
You and Raph shared a look.
“You’re right, we don’t” Raph said.
“We hate each other so much more than that”
Your eyes connected with Raph’s once more, glaring intently. Donnie sighed. “At least you agree on something. What did you want Raph?”
“It’s fine, I’ll ask you later when you’re not so busy with little miss cuckoo here”
Donnie looked confused. “Cuckoo?”
“Cuckoos lay their eggs in other birds’ nests and they push the actual babies out. Raph thinks I’m trying to brainwash you all”
“Well you practically live here. You’re either that or a freeloader”
“I’ll remind you of that next time I order pizza for you all out of the kindness of my heart”
“I don’t want anything to do with food you payed for, might be poisoned”
“Poison’s more than you deserve”
“Woah, ok, calm down guys. No one’s poisoning anyone”
Raph just muttered something under his breath and walked out.
“Are you two for real?”
“He just knows how to push all my buttons!”
“Did something happen between you? Something that made you like this. You can’t just indiscriminately hate each other that much, there has to be a trigger”
“What? No! He’s just the worst person I’ve ever met”
Your response was swift and certain, maybe slightly too much.
You saw yourself in Raphael, you always had. It was like looking in a mirror, your insecurities, fears and rage all reflected perfectly in his eyes, in his words, in the way he held his shoulders. Guarded. You saw yourself in the others, too. Leo was responsibility and the weight of the world, Donnie was always struggling to be understood, Mikey was always struggling to do the understanding. Everyone could see a part of themselves in each turtle, you thought. But it was only Raph you couldn’t get close to, because what you recognised in him was the things you hated about yourself. If you got too close you worried it might break you.
Maybe you did hate him, that was always possible. After all, he was an insufferable ass of a person. But maybe it was you the hate was meant for, maybe screaming at Raphael meant you could externalise the anger that was meant to be directed within.
Maybe.
Or maybe you should have just gone to sleep rather than trying to analyse your feelings.
Maybe.