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Moniwa stands in attention upon hearing the bell tinkle, signaling someone entering the bread shop. “One moment,” he says, putting down the hot tray of freshly baked bread on the table and hastily takes off his mittens and walks out to the front of the shop to entertain the customer.
“What can I-” he stops short, recognizing Prince Wakatoshi’s aloof advisor and friend. “Semi-san?”
Semi tips his head forward. “Good day, Captain Moniwa. I am happy to see you are well.” There’s a hint of a genuine smile on his face.
Moniwa blinks then shakes his head. “Uh, good day to you too. And, I am happy to see you are well too.” He brushes his hands off on his apron, consciously stopping himself from fidgeting. He didn’t think he’d hear being called ‘captain’ again, much less visited by someone from the palace. And yet, here they are.
It sends a wave of anxiety in his nerves. “Uhm, but what brings you here?”
Semi pulls something from his coat pocket-a letter, and promptly hands it over to Moniwa. “The Prince asked me to give you this.”
Moniwa inhales a sharp breath. Gaze dropping to Semi’s outstretched hand, he eyes the familiar purple wax seal with a stamp of an eagle with wary. Realizing that it’s rude to Semi to keep him like that, Moniwa steps forward and hesitantly takes the letter. He gingerly takes it, afraid that it might burn him or start to have a life of its own and monstrously disclose the message within its envelope. He exhales when it does neither.
Moniwa wets his lips and swallows his nervousness. “Thank you for your trouble, Semi-san.” He meets Semi’s eyes and notes the kind look the advisor is giving him.
“It’s no trouble, Captain.”
Moniwa huffs softly, slipping the letter into the front pocket of his apron. “You don’t need to call me that anymore.”
Semi smiles. “You were honorably dismissed. I can still call you that.”
Moniwa purses his lips, and just nods.
“Your charges miss you.” Semi says to break the awkward silence. Moniwa smiles genuinely at him, fondly remembering the soldiers he had the honor of training to be part of the ranks of the Iron Wall, the title given to the royal guard.
“They’re not being unruly, are they?”
“That’s up for debate,” Semi chuckles lightly, earning a slight horrified look from Moniwa. “But they have matured and have taken to their new posts with dignity and loyalty. Which we all know they owe to you.”
Moniwa shakes his head. “They don’t. They’re better.” Stronger, smarter. Newbies but less inclined to make juvenile mistakes. More fit to be called a guard, a soldier than a baker’s son, his mind whispers traitorously and he shakes his head again to dispel his thoughts. “Anyway, that’s a relief to hear,” he smiles, but he also effectively sends them into another awkward silence.
This hadn’t been a problem before. Moniwa can easily talk to the Prince’s advisors and friends, and they’re mostly eager to include him in conversations. But that was then, when Moniwa is the captain of the Iron Wall, when he was privy to the affairs of the crown because of his role as the Prince’s guard; when they have a shared goal of keeping Prince Wakatoshi safe and up to his duties as the next ruler.
Now though, the easy camaraderie is replaced by guilt and burning shame, especially on Moniwa’a part.
“We don’t blame you, you know,” Semi says, understanding, as if he knows where Moniwa’s incriminating thoughts are taking him.
Moniwa stands still, biting down on his lips. He’s not ready to have this conversation right now. He’s not ready to have this conversation, period. So he doesn’t say anything, not minding if it’s rude or not.
Luckily, Semi doesn’t push him and just gives him a knowing look. “Well,” he huffs. “I best be on my way. It’s really nice to see you again, Captain.” He tips his head and turns to leave.
The bell wakes Moniwa from his stupor and snaps in attention when he sees Semi walking back to the general direction of the palace from the shop’s window. Moniwa hastily makes his way to the back and wraps two pieces of the freshly baked loaves and rushes after Semi.
“Semi-san, wait!”
Semi startles, almost misses his step, but turns around all the same. He instinctively accepts the proffered package, the long loaves sticking out of its paper bag, tickling his nose with its delicious, warm smell.
“For your trouble,” Moniwa says, then looks down. “I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t have to.”
Moniwa shakes his head and looks at him then, resolved. “How is he?”
Semi blinks at the question then smiles kindly at Moniwa, but his eyes have a note of teasing in them.
“I’ll leave that to you to find out.”
-----
Moniwa put off reading the letter the whole day, but left it in the pocket of his apron, thinking that if he’s busy enough, he might forget that it’s even there. But such isn’t the case, not when it feels like he’s got a lead in his heart, weighing him down, and his mind is running through different possibilities of what message it might contain.
He’d had an impromptu staring contest with it that night, before turning to bed. Stared down at it so hard, willed it to disappear into thin air so he can just forget about the whole thing and chalk it up as a bizarre dream, but the letter inevitably won, leaving Moniwa with no other choice but to read it.
It hadn’t been a long message. Just a simple sentence, written in the Prince’s neat cursive handwriting on a vellum board, signed with his official seal. Moniwa read it over and held it carefully, even though his hands are trembling.
Such isn’t the case now that he’s clutching it in his sweaty hand, as he arrives at the clearing. The thick branches of the trees in the forest shaded him from the sun’s bright, mid-morning rays. Right now, it’s helping him stay hidden, as he wills his beating heart and rapid breathing, as he gathers his courage to face Prince Wakatoshi again.
Without the protection of the trees, the sun is doing its best job of bathing the Prince in warm light, creating a halo of light around his body-a vision any painter in the kingdom would cry over for not being able to immortalize in a painting. The calmness and brightness, too beautiful to disturb makes Moniwa hesitant to step into the light and bask in the sun’s rays and Prince’s presence.
But there’s no point in hiding, and he’d want this over with for both their sakes. With a deep breathe, Moniwa steps into the clearing.
Yuuta, the Prince’s Great Pyrenees barks at the noise, alerting Ushijima of Moniwa’s arrival.
Ushijima turns his head to the direction from whence it came from, and Moniwa’s step falters as their eyes meet, each taking in the sight of the other.
Yuuta breaks the moment when he excitedly bounds off to Moniwa and nudges his nose on his leg, effectively toppling Moniwa down in surprise. The dog’s instantly on top of him, licking at his face affectionately, tail brushing over his legs, wagging in happiness.
Moniwa forgets his nervousness, laughing at the tickling sensation and affection the dog is showing him. “Yuuta! It’s so good to see you.” He scratches along the side of Yuuta’s head, much to the dog’s delight.
“Easy, boy.” Yuuta obeys the command and lets up, but not before giving Moniwa one last lick and stands proudly beside its master.
Moniwa looks up at Ushijima, down to the hand he’s offering which he takes without hesitating.
“Thank you, Your Highness,” he says as he’s pulled up, dusting the back of his pants.
“Kaname,” his name from the Prince’s lips sends a rush of emotions. “You came,” Ushijima’s tone, while low, hints of relief. The look he’s giving Moniwa is that of pleasant surprise and affection.
Moniwa shrugs self-consciously. “It’s an official summon,” he waves the crumpled letter beside him, the excuse rolling off his tongue easily, having convinced that he can’t refuse and that’s the only reason why he came in the first place.
Ushijima’s brow dips lightly. “I debated whether or not to send it as such. I would not have, but I could not risk you not coming.”
Moniwa nods, only then becoming aware of how they are still holding hands and their close proximity. He flushes and takes his hand back.
Ushijima frowns deeper at the action, but only shakes his head, tampering down his disappointment. “Would you like to join us?” He motions to the blanket spread out by the large rock jutting out in the middle of the clearing.
Moniwa hesitates, and it showed, prompting Ushijima to add a soft “Please, Kaname?” while Yuuta, as if sensing his master’s predicament, whimpered softly beside him.
And Moniwa, being already weak to sad, puppy eyes, much less two of them, couldn’t find it in his heart to deny them. “Of course, Your Highness.”
Moniwa follows the Prince and they settle down on the blanket, Yuuta smartly flopping down between them, tail wagging happily. They both have the idea of petting him and their hands accidentally brush against each other. Moniwa jerks pulling his hand away, again. But this time, Ushijima doesn’t let him.
“Your Highness-”
“Why did you leave?” The Prince, no matter his upbringing and Semi’s lessons about being delicate when broaching sensitive topics, is one to go straight to crux of the matter.
Moniwa feels something lodge in his throat and blinks the beginning pinpricks behind his eyes away. “I had to. I’m… I’m not fit to serve you. I failed you during the time you most needed protection.”
“You know that is not true. And no one is blaming you for what happened.”
Moniwa shakes his head. “That’s not the point.” Whether they blame him or not is not what matters. The kingdom almost lost its Prince and the Queen Regnant almost lost her heir and her son. The royal and noble families almost lost a beloved cousin and friend because of Moniwa’s incompetence. But even if they could forgive him, Moniwa cannot forgive himself.
Not when there’s a stab wound in Prince Wakatoshi’s body that wouldn’t have been there if he had been a good guard. That scarred wound would always remind Moniwa that because of him, he almost lost the person he loves.
“I failed you as your guard.” Moniwa’s shoulders sag at the admission, a tidal wave of shame comes crashing.
Ushijima’s hand squeeze down on his. “You did not fail me. Kaname,” he tugs on the hand to make Moniwa look at him. “Please, look at me.”
When Moniwa doesn’t, Ushijima reaches out and cups a cheek in his palm, gently guiding his face to look at him. “I got hurt because of my own fault. I was not careful enough.”
“You shouldn’t have! It’s my duty to protect you, not the other way around!”
Ushijima keeps calm and Moniwa still, despite the latter’s outburst. “I did what I did for you, Kaname and I do not regret it.” He says, eyes boring seriously at Moniwa’s. “And it is true that it may have been your duty as my guard to protect me, but I only did my duty to myself to protect the person I care for the most.”
Moniwa’s breathe hitches, tears streaming down his face. He’s been aware of his deepening feelings for the Prince, not just of loyalty, but romantic affection. But he did not dare entertain the idea of it coming to fruition, not with the disparity of their standing.
Especially not when Prince Wakatoshi had been adamant then to travel to another kingdom, where news of a beautiful prince needing True Love’s kiss to awaken him from a spell had set off the two of them to a journey. The very same one that got them ambushed on the way home.
This is too good to be true. “You can’t mean that.”
Ushijima sighs. “I suppose I cannot blame you for not believing me. But, I had time to reflect while recovering, and I have understood why the kiss did not worked. And it is not only because the prince loves another, but because I am holding affection for someone else.”
It had taken a horrific vision of Moniwa being overpowered by a large rogue; the terrifying thought of losing him that awakened something like anger and despair in him, and stab in the gut and fight for his life for Ushijima to realize this.
He rubs the pad of his thumb tenderly across Moniwa’s cheek, wiping his tears. “Forgive me for being a fool and not realizing it sooner, Kaname. Forgive me for making you wait and go through that.” Ushijima leans closer, resting his head against Moniwa’s forehead. “But I intend to make it up to you, if you will let me.”
Moniwa sobs, the mixed feelings of guilt, shame, disbelief, hope, happiness, and love all gushes out in the form of tears. And while this is not how he imagined things would go, he would be a fool to keep denying himself of this. That, and there’s no way he can deny his Prince. He nods and they share tearful first kiss.
Yuuta, looking up at them, barks delightfully.