Chapter Text
She took a deep breath to calm her nerves, hoisting her large rucksack on her back and shouldering the battered holdall before crossing the road from the bus stop to the university campus.
It didn't take her long to find her halls of residence and join the queue to receive her keys, feeling a pang of jealousy as she realised that almost everyone else in the queue had a parent or guardian with them.
She hadn't been planned, didn't need to be told that, an unexpected third child arriving 17 years after her brother and almost 20 after her sister. She'd hated it as a child, people always confusing her parents for her grandparents, but she hated it even more now, her father having passed away from a sudden heart attack when she was 15, her mother having been dead for just 6 short months after Bernie had spent 18 months of her 2 year break from education nursing her through her battle with cancer, the woman's insistence on a stiff upper lip meaning that by the time she admitted she'd found a lump in her breast, it was too late, it had already spread.
She felt lucky, that the university had been understanding, that they'd even agreed to defer her place for one year never mind two was a miracle in her eyes, and, as her siblings were both married with families and homes of their own, it had been agreed that, as a thank you for taking care of their mother, Bernie would inherit the family home. She had no need for a four bedroomed farmhouse in the country right now, so, with a little help from her brother, who'd been the one to suggest it in the first place, they'd moved most of the family belongings into storage and she was renting out the home to help pay for university.
Both her brother and sister had offered to help her move into her halls of residence but she'd politely turned them down, she was on her own now, she had to get used to that, and now seemed as good a time as any.
She eventually made it to the front of the queue and handed over the letter she'd been sent, confirming her accommodation. “So you're in block C” the woman behind the desk handed over her keys, explaining what each key was for, “flat 14 on the ground floor, room 6”. Bernie nodded, she'd chosen the room purposely, it was at the back of the accommodation block, looking over a small garden area and it was in the corner, something she hoped meant she'd get slightly more peace than if she was on the front of the building.
“Hey” Bernie looked up at the exclamation, finding a brunette grinning up at her, eyes shining bright with excitement, “I'm in room 5, we're going to be neighbours” she flicked her fringe out of her eyes before holding out her hand, “Alex, Alex Dawson.”
“Bernie…” she finally stammered, “Bernie Wolfe.”
“Come on” Bernie was surprised when Alex grabbed her hand, “let's go and check it out.”
“Don't you have any bags?” Bernie frowned.
“My mum's waiting in the car with all my stuff, is that all you've got?” she asked, picking up the holdall Bernie had put down to sign some papers.
‘Yeah, I erm, I'm going to head into town later, get some pots and pans and things.” Bernie was genuinely taken aback by the way Alex was chatting with her like they'd known each other for ever.
“Don't worry about it” Alex waved her hand dismissively, “my parents got a bit over excited, I think I'm going to be the only student with an 8 piece pan set and a 36 piece dinner service, as long as you do the washing up we can share” she winked cheekily. “Come on” she beamed, “come and say hi to my mum?” She didn't give Bernie chance to answer, fingers still entwined and her holdall in Alex's hand, she was dragged across the car park towards an overflowing Ford focus.
“About time” the woman she assumed to be Alex's mother stood from the car, “I thought you'd got lost in there” she teased.
Alex rolled her eyes, “this is Bernie Mum” she grinned, “she was getting her keys at the same time as me and she's in the room next door, how cool is that?”
“Very cool” Alex's mum laughed before holding her hand out for Bernie to shake, “nice to meet you Love, and I apologise for that one” she nodded her head towards Alex, “she's always been full of beans, feel free to tell her to shut up if you need to, I do.”
Bernie chuckled slightly, “I'll remember that” she said as Alex rolled her eyes again.
Alex's mum noticed the bag on Bernie's back and the holdall in her daughter's hand that she assumed belonged to the other girl, “are you here on your own?”
“Yeah” Bernie looked down at her feet as she scuffed her toes in the dirt, “I erm, my dad died when I was 15, my mum passed away about 6 months ago” she whispered, her voice catching in her throat, “so it's just me.”
“Oh Love” Bernie found herself pulled into a tight hug, surprised to feel tears pricking at her eyes as she inhaled the familiar floral scent the woman wore, a perfume not too dissimilar to the one her mother always wore.
Alex reached out to gently squeeze Bernie's arm in what she hoped was a reassuring manner, “sorry to hear that” she said softly.
“Thank you” Alex's mum finally let go of Bernie, the blonde not surprised when she produced a tissue from her pocket when she saw Bernie dab at her eyes with her sleeve.
“Come on” she gently patted Bernie's arm, “let's get the two of you moved in then. I've got a party planned later to celebrate you moving out” she joked as she opened the boot of the car, loading both Alex and Bernie up with bags and boxes before following them inside with more.
Bernie helped Alex and her mum carry all the things inside before excusing herself to unpack. She smiled to herself as she pushed the door open, it was nowhere near as big as her room at home but it was bigger than she'd expected, there was a large window that looked over the lawned area and plenty of storage space for her few belongings.
It didn't take long for her to unpack and make up her bed, the university helpfully having left the bedding pack she'd purchased when she'd reserved her accommodation on her bed so she down have to drag a duvet and pillows on the train.
Not wanting to seem antisocial, she used a battered old trainer to prop the door open once she'd unpacked before settling herself on the bed with a book.
She lost track of time as she read, jumping slightly when there was a gentle knock on her open door, “sorry Love, didn't mean to startle you” Bernie couldn't help but smile when she saw the other woman.
“No, no. It's fine” Bernie stood from her bed, “Is everything okay?”
“Everything's fine” the woman nodded, “Alex is all settled and I'm going to get off, I just wanted to give you this first” she said as she handed over a piece of paper obviously torn from a notebook, “it's my phone number” she said as she saw the blonde frown at the page, “being on your own is scary sometimes, no matter how old you are” she said, having already guessed that Bernie was a few years older than her own daughter, “so if you need anything, I'm only a phone call away.”
Bernie smiled, folding the paper neatly and slipping it into the back pocket of her jeans, “thank you.”
“It's okay” she reached out to squeeze Bernie's hand, “you look after yourself and I'm sure I'll see you soon.”
Bernie nodded, “have a safe journey home” she said quietly before the woman left to say a final goodbye to her own daughter.
Alex's mum had barely been gone for 10 minutes before there was another knock at the door, this time Alex herself was stood in the doorway, a happy smile still on her face. “Do you fancy going to the SU bar or something?” she asked, desperately trying to hide how nervous she felt now her mum had gone.
“I erm, it's not really my thing” Bernie said dismissively, “too many people” she tried to explain.
“Right, well erm, I've got a few beers in the fridge and my dad let me bring my telly with me, so if you want to watch a film or something…”
Bernie looked up, saw how nervous Alex looked, realised that, whilst she had been living alone since her mother had moved into a hospice, been taking care of the house for long before that, this was probably Alex's first night living on her own. “Yeah” okay then” she nodded, “we could order pizza later if you want?”
“Yeah” Alex smiled shyly, “I'd like that.”
Bernie's eyes widened as she walked into Alex's room, the walls were adorned with posters, the front of her wardrobe covered in photos and there were fairylights hanging from the wall over the bed. “This looks a lot nicer than my room” Bernie laughed, sitting on the patterned duvet cover when Alex gestured to the bed.
Alex shrugged as she handed over a beer, “you've only been here a couple of hours. There's plenty of time to spruce it up a bit. Now” she flopped onto the bed beside Bernie and threw some dvd cases onto the bed beside her, “what do you want to watch?”
Bernie picked out a film and Alex opened a sharing size bag of crisps, putting them on the bed between them, telling Bernie to help herself.
Conversation flowed freely as they spoke about their families, Bernie finding out Alex was the oldest of four, that she had 15 year old twin brothers and a 11 year old sister, Bernie telling Alex about her siblings and her seven nieces and nephews.
“So” Alex sat cross legged at the head of the bed, taking a gulp of her beer before she spoke again, “standard first day of uni question… What A levels did you do and what are you studying?”
Bernie laughed, draining her own bottle before answering, “Biology, Chemistry, Maths and French” she blushed slightly as she admitted she'd taken a language, “studying medicine, I'd like to join the army, the medical corps as a trauma surgeon.”
“That's brilliant” Alex grinned, “I'm doing medicine too, only anaesthetics, we could make a dream team” she grinned.
“Yeah” Bernie laughed, the beer having done its job and relaxed her a little, “we should.”
The film soon ended but Bernie and Alex didn't notice, one beer had turned into several and they were now laid, side by side on the single bed, Alex telling the blonde some of the worst jokes she'd ever heard, jokes partly ruined by Alex's inability to stop giggling or, for several of the jokes, remember the right punchline.
Neither of them saw it coming, in fact, neither of them could remember who moved first, but they both knew when it happened, when their lips touched both pulling back slightly before moving in again, their kisses fiercer this time, both battling for dominance, only breaking apart when the need for air became too much.
They stayed close, foreheads touching as they caught their breath, Bernie's hand on Alex's hip, Alex's fingers tangled in Bernie's hair. They didn't speak, didn't feel the need to, simply laid in the darkness, limbs tangled as they shared lazy, soft kisses, both trying to fight off the urge to fall asleep.
It was Bernie who caved first, another loud yawn from Alex and she smiled softly, “I should go” she whispered, “let you get some sleep”.
Alex didn't protest, just nodded tiredly as Bernie stood from the bed, “see you in the morning?” she asked.
Bernie nodded and smiled, “of course. Sleep well.”
“Yeah” Alex rolled onto her side to face the wall, already drifting off to sleep, not bothered that she was still fully dressed and upside down in the bed, “you too.”
Bernie let herself back into her bedroom, barely having time to lock the door before she sank backwards, sliding down the cool wood to the floor as her breath caught in her throat. She'd kissed Alex, someone she'd only known for five minutes. A girl she'd only known for five minutes. She bit down on her knuckled to stifle a sob as her tears rolled down her cheeks.
She didn't move from the floor, not until her tears had stopped and her breathing eased, pulling herself to her feet and slipping off her jeans before crawling under her duvet and falling into a restless slumber.