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Natsu smoothed his hair. Then, very carefully, he ran his hand through it in a sharp gesture that spiked it.
He grinned at himself in the mirror. Now that was a sexy smirk.
He slipped back out the bathroom window without bothering to announce his presence to Erza. He didn't really want her seeing him like this anyway. This was just for him. She just happened to stock the best hair products.
Gray stared at his shaking hands. When had it gotten so complicated? Feelings were supposed to be controllable. Mind over matter.
Not that he didn't want to be gay, he just…would've found it more convenient to be straight. Or at least bisexual.
His eyes trailed toward the spot under the bed where the magazine had slid when he'd thrown it. Eventually temptation won out and he fished it out again.
Damn, the man was hot. Trying not to feel guilty, Gray eased a hand into his pants.
"Hello, Natsu. The usual?"
"Hey, Mira!" Natsu beamed. "How about yakitori?"
"I can do that. You seem awfully cheerful," she observed, smiling.
"Life is good," he sighed, propping his hands behind his head with a proud grin. "The team did really well on a mission. Basically perfect teamwork. It was amazing."
"Really? And the amount of damage?"
"None," he protested. "We were fucking awesome. Gray and I did this thing which was basically a Unison Raid, and it was super badass, and then Erza dealt a finishing blow. Lucy cleaned up all the little guys with one sweep. We were brilliant. Gray was so happy he made it snow on accident," he laughed. "It was pretty cool."
"I'm glad to hear it," she smiled.
Gray bumped into Lucy on his way to the guild.
"How's it going?" he asked, falling into step with her.
Lucy groaned.
"Last night I went out with Erza and got hit on by half a dozen different people. It was awful. I hardly slept."
"I'm sorry. I didn't realize that happened to you. Not that you're not sweet," he added quickly.
She smiled. "Yeah, more and more lately. Ever since the Grand Magic Games guys just… I don't know. They think they can take liberties."
"Wow," he said. "That really sucks."
"Yeah."
Natsu grinned when Gray walked in. He was talking with Lucy, their expressions wry at whatever had them chuckling. As Natsu bounced over, Levy also noticed the pair and hurried over to them waving something colorful.
"Lucy, did you see this?"
At Levy's tone, Lucy's face changed to one of dread. "What happened?"
"Loke happened," Levy said grimly.
She laid out the latest issue of Sorcerer's Weekly on the table for them all to inspect.
Natsu peered at the page. Next to a photo of Loke with his tie undone and shirt halfway unbuttoned smiling silkily at the camera was a short article. Lucy's sharp intake of breath made him look over.
"That imbecile!" Lucy hissed.
"What?" Natsu asked.
"He said I'm his girlfriend?! 'One of many'!? What in nine fucking hells?"
Natsu raised his eyebrows and looked over at Gray. The ice mage for some reason was blushing. His eyes were still on the spread.
"What—?" Natsu began.
"Loookeee!" Lucy shouted.
The man appeared in a glimmer of ethereal light.
"Hello, my lady."
"Don't you fucking my-lady me. What the fuck is this?" Lucy held the offending page in front of his nose.
"An interview," Loke said proudly. "And a very nice picture, if I do say so myself. Do you like it? I thought the lighting could've been better—"
"Girlfriend?"
"Ahh…" Loke looked from side to side in a thinly-veiled search for escape.
Natsu's elbow bumped Gray from his embarrassed reverie.
"What are you so red about?"
"Nothing," Gray grunted, turning to observe the shouting match now ensuing between mage and spirit.
"Why on earth would he do that?" Natsu laughed. "It's not like SW doesn't have other people to interview."
"The whole issue is devoted to 'the most attractive men from the country's most attractive guilds,' " Gray said vaguely. Lucy's face was a furious mauve.
"Really?"
"Yeah."
Natsu's bark of incredulous laughter jolted Gray. That was never a good sound.
"When did you read Sorcerer's Weekly?" Natsu asked.
"I see them around," Gray grunted. "Everyone does."
"And read the issue and know what it's about? I fucking don't. Only girls and gays read that shit."
Gray felt a wave of fire sweep through his body, angry and red.
"Go fuck yourself, shitface."
Natsu's hair took on a telltale fiery glow. "Excuse me?!"
"You heard me," Gray growled. He realized things had gotten quieter, and discovered that Loke and Lucy were both watching them.
"So you are gay, then?" Natsu taunted.
"Why?" Gray spat. "You interested?"
The words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself. Full of anger and shame.
Natsu stepped in front of him.
"Wow, defensive a touch?"
"Get the fuck out of my face, Natsu," he breathed.
"Make me, bastard—"
Gray wheeled around. He was breathing too hard, too fast. He couldn't do this. Couldn't let this conversation continue. Not in front of all these people.
Gray bolted for the doors. Natsu gaped after him.
"Hey—come back!" he shouted. "I'm not done with you!"
But the doors swung shut…on Gray's absence. Natsu's head raged with an echoing silence.
"Really, Natsu?" Lucy said quietly.
"What?" he spat, rounding on her, angry for reasons he couldn't put words to. "What the hell are you looking at me like that for?"
The sharpness in her eyes made him back down.
"Gay jokes? Are you serious?" she hissed. "To him? What did you want to do, kill him with shame? Gods, Natsu! I know you don't like each other, but that was heartless, even for you."
"Yeah," Loke said seriously. "That's got to be the worst I've ever seen you toward each other. And that's saying something."
"I didn't—what?"
"You need to go apologize," Lucy told him. "Natsu. This time…this is real."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about Gray, and you making fun of him for his sexuality. I'm talking about that boy you pretend to hate who is now out there actually hating himself because he thinks his guildmates don't accept him."
"Gray is…gay?"
"You didn't notice?" Lucy shook her head. "Have you seen Gray flirt with girls? Ever?"
"Well, no, but that doesn't mean anything. I don't flirt with girls."
Loke rolled his eyes and Natsu had the urge to punch him.
"Have you seen the way he looks at dudes sometimes? Come on, Natsu: you have sensitive senses. He gets all red whenever a guy is nice to him. He's just…he's different around them. He isn't close to any guys; all his friends are girls. He never opens up to other men. He's too scared to."
"What…"
Things were dawning on Natsu, things he'd never connected, never dreamed before.
"That's what…makes you gay?"
Lucy looked at him quizzically. "What did you think gay meant?"
"I dunno…attracted to your own gender?"
"Um, yeah," she said obviously.
"And that's what attraction is?"
"Natsu, what the hell? Have you ever liked someone?"
"…No?" he guessed. It had never crossed his mind. "Romance is for other people."
Lucy shook her head at him.
"Go apologize, Natsu."
"No," he said stubbornly.
"Natsu Dragneel," she growled, "you just ripped Gray to pieces whether you accept that or not. Go fucking apologize or you'll lose one of your best friends forever."
"L-Lose…"
Natsu felt his skin chill over, and he shivered.
He darted for the doors.
"Gray's gay?" Gajeel asked.
"He's into guys, yeah," Lucy said, glaring at him. "So what?"
"Figures," he smirked.
"Hey!" Loke said.
"Relax," Gajeel said, still grinning. "It's not a bad thing. Just funny. Natsu said all those things to him."
"Natsu's not homophobic," Lucy sighed, "but…shit, he certainly made himself sound like it."
"You know what they say about the homophobic ones." Gajeel laughed. "They're the ones who are secretly gay."
Gray knew Natsu would be able to follow if he wanted. Still, when the fire mage didn't storm out after him, he assumed he was in the clear. He'd made it to the river and found a cave made of bushes where he could look out over the water.
When he heard the crackle of footsteps, he wiped his face hurriedly.
He would murder anyone who saw him. They'd better walk on by or fucking else. His ice was raging, and he would have no trouble turning even Laxus into a pulp in this mood.
When he saw Natsu, his stomach turned over.
The sickness inside him tried to push tears to the surface again, Gray swallowing against them. The asshole wore no expression, meandering through the brush straight in Gray's direction.
Fuck him. Gray held his breath against a sob. Fuck having best friends who mocked you in front of everyone you loved.
Natsu stopped suddenly and pounded his fist into a tree.
"Fuck!" he shouted.
Gray startled so hard he almost rattled his bush. Natsu didn't look in the direction of his hiding spot, just shook out his hand. That's what you get for punching solid oak, you fucking piece of shit.
"Fuck," Natsu said again, quieter.
He looked out at the river, and Gray realized he wasn't swearing at the pain.
Gray watched for a little while longer as Natsu shuffled his fingers restlessly through his hair. The jaunty spikes he usually had looked sad now, wilted.
Biting back the thousand things he wanted to say, the stupid tears his body wanted to shed, Gray began to back out of the bush, hoping to slip away without Natsu noticing anything. If the man were this distracted, it just might be possible, dragon senses or no.
"I'm sorry," Natsu said.
Gray froze.
"I didn't mean it like that. If I'd known— No, shit," Natsu's tone changed, "that doesn't work. Not knowing isn't an excuse. Come on, Natsu; you can do better."
Natsu sighed and paced once.
"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings," he said, voice serious again. "I didn't think before I said those things. I was trying to rile you, and I am totally ashamed I tried to use…that to do it. That was completely uncalled for.
"It isn't what I think at all. I think you're awesome. You're one of my best friends. You are my best friend. You being gay doesn't change anything for me. You're still— I still care—" Natsu stopped and huffed. "I still feel the same way about you I always did."
There was a beat of silence.
"Fuck," Natsu whispered.
Gray was mesmerized. He didn't know Natsu apologized. Hearing him rehearse it, as if it were important, as if he were actually worried about the outcome…
Fuck you. A tear escaped down his cheek, salty and warm. I'm so fucking tired of being alone. Fuck you. Fuck you for making me feel this way.
He pressed his face to his hands and stifled a hiccough.
Natsu's head shot up.
"Hello?" the Dragon Slayer called, and Gray went cold.
No, no, no.
"Is someone there?" Natsu said, peering into the bushes. Gray froze, eyes staring at Natsu, trying to blend into the leaves, hoping against hope that Natsu saw nothing but shadows. Natsu's eyes skittered over his several times, gaze searching.
Sighing, Natsu straightened and turned away.
"Fucking birds," Natsu mumbled. "Where the hell are you, icicle?"
Gray's heart was breaking apart with every beat. He held his breath, waiting as Natsu fiddled with the bark of a tree, facing back up the path. Gray could not talk to him right now. Could not face him. Gray was anger and pain, and Natsu was…was…
At long last, Natsu trudged back the way he'd come and Gray let out a long gasp.
Gray had vanished into thin air.
The longer he looked, the lower Natsu hunched. At this rate, he would never find Gray. He would disappear, Lucy said, he would leave and Natsu would lose him—
He couldn't lose Gray.
When afternoon was starting to fade, Natsu headed dejectedly through town, exhausted.
And alone.
Gray didn't return home until dusk. He couldn't risk running into a guildmate. His masks were gone, stripped bare, and he knew his paleness and limpness and inability to lie meant all his truths would be out the moment anyone asked him how he was doing.
He wasn't ready for that.
When he reached his complex, he didn't notice the shadow until he was coming up the walk. Nearing his door, he peered into the twilit darkness until, a few meters away, he realized who it was.
"Natsu?" he asked, and his voice dropped away.
Gray's hand came up to his throat.
No. No, no, no, no—
"Gray."
"No." Gray looked petrified, his fingers tightening around his throat until his hand moved up to cover his mouth. "Shit. You're not supposed to be here. No…"
"Gray," Natsu put out a hand, heart pounding, "I'm here to apologize."
"I don't… No. I don't want to hear it." Gray's face crumpled. Natsu had never seen him look so broken. "I can't."
"Look—gods. I'm so fucking sorry, Gray. I can't believe I said that. That was awful. I was awful. You don't deserve to be treated like that, and I shouldn't have, and nothing can excuse that, nothing. I'm so sorry, and if… I'll do anything, okay? I know I hurt you, so if there's anything I can do—"
Gray let out a sob, turned, and sprinted down the walk.
Natsu ran after him.
"Gray, wait!" he panted, but the ice mage was running hard, the furious noises of tears and panting reaching Natsu's ears on the wind. Don't cry. I don't want you to cry. Not because of me.
Gray turned a corner and Natsu nearly skidded into a wall trying to follow him, chasing Gray between buildings and through a park. At the edge of a copse of trees, Gray finally slowed for breath, glancing back, but when he saw Natsu closing in he took off again.
Natsu couldn't help seeing that terrified expression of Gray's over and over as he ran.
It broke him. Gray should never look that way because of him.
"Gray," Natsu panted. "Please stop."
They fell into a rhythm, Gray not able to escape him but Natsu not able to catch up. Until finally, finally, they were back at the river and Gray had run out of breath, putting his hands on his knees as he gasped, trying to hobble away when Natsu practically fell down the embankment toward him.
"Would you…wait…two seconds?"
Gray stopped and Natsu did too, hand on a tree as they stared at each other and caught their breaths. There was a sharp pain in Natsu's side, and it made the agonizing desperation he felt that much worse.
"You deserve an apology," Natsu panted.
"I don't deserve shit." Gray's voice was low, sick-sounding. "Stay away from me."
When Gray's shoulders heaved, Natsu realized he was crying.
"Gray." His voice broke. "What's wrong?"
"What's wrong?" Gray's voice rose. "I'm gay. Like you said. I'm fucking gay and it isn't going to change."
"There's nothing wrong with that."
Gray's laugh was flat and scary.
"Only a straight person would believe that. There's loads wrong with it."
"There isn't. Gray, you're still you to me."
"I'm different from other people!"
"That's okay," Natsu insisted, coming closer while Gray watched him with trepidation. "That doesn't matter to me."
"But you said—"
"I shouldn't have. That was horrid of me. I think I was… It doesn't matter. It was wrong."
Gray covered his face with his hands and Natsu crossed the last of the distance between them. It was instinct to pull Gray into a hug, Gray's face tucked into his shoulder as Gray shook and shivered. Natsu held him tight, intent not to screw this up. Intent to undo as much of the damage as he could. He'd been so heartless, when all he really wanted was for Gray to be happy. To laugh and tease each other and have a normal life. Together, close.
After a while, Gray straightened enough to pull away from Natsu's embrace. Natsu felt a little bereft at this, wanting to keep comforting him, but Gray's shrunken posture discouraged touching.
"Why'd you say that shit this morning?" Gray whispered. "If it's supposedly not true."
"I've been thinking about that a lot today," Natsu sighed. "I think… Well, so Lucy already knows about your sexuality. She's pretty observant. For the record, she doesn't care. Obviously: she's treated you the same all this time. And I think maybe I kinda knew? Maybe I was trying to get you to admit it? Maybe I kind of…wanted you to be honest with me."
"Shit way of asking me to be honest," Gray murmured.
"Yes, it was. I'll never do that again."
Gray wiped his face. "Just ask next time."
"I will."
Inhaling, Gray looked around: the riverbank around them was quickly growing dark, the water a soft burble that calmed and filled the moment. Natsu fell onto his ass in the dirt, happy to let his shaking legs have a rest, and looked up expectantly. Gray sat down beside him. After a moment, Natsu bumped their shoulders together, and Gray bumped him back.
"So, um…Gray? How'd you know?"
"That I was…gay?" Gray's voice trembled a little on the word. "You know the way you feel when you look at a pretty girl?"
"No…?"
Gray raised his eyebrows. "Really?"
"I mean, it's just…normal? I'm evaluating whether she's friend or foe, and if foe, how powerful she is, and if friend, how likely it is that she'll fight with me."
Gray let out a surprised laugh.
"You've honestly never felt anything else?"
"No. Is that weird?"
"I don't know," Gray said wryly. "That's kind of the point. I don't feel those things."
"But with guys?"
"With some guys," Gray corrected. "I just feel…like I want to get to know them. I hope they want to get to know me. I get this feeling…that I'd be willing to follow them anywhere just to be with them."
Natsu smiled. "Sounds like friendship."
"Kind of. But more." Gray exhaled. "Then there are pretty boys… I like looking at pictures. Sometimes. Hot, shirtless guys. Gets me…feeling things. You know."
"Like that picture of Loke in Sorcerer's Weekly?" Natsu chuckled.
Gray blushed. "What? It's a hot photo."
"Oh, totally," Natsu added quickly. "Loke is an attractive guy. Even I noticed that, the first day he came to Fairy Tail."
"The first day?" Gray snorted. He sounded like he was starting to loosen up, a little more like the old Gray, and it made Natsu feel warm inside. "Yeah, he's nice to look at. Those dragons from Sabertooth, too."
Natsu made a face.
"I mean, you're not wrong," he said, "but I have to disagree just on principle. I refuse to acknowledge that people outside our guild can be attractive."
Gray let out a bark of laughter and Natsu joined in. It felt good to laugh, together, side by side, arms bumping and grins wide when they looked at each other.
"So," Natsu asked. "Have you ever liked anyone?"
Gray's face fell into solemnity immediately. "Yes. Of course."
"Of course?"
"Hasn't everyone?"
"I…don't think I have," Natsu admitted.
Gray peered at him intently. "Really?"
Natsu shrugged. It made him feel out of sorts to admit this. As if he were missing something.
"I don't really need anyone. I have the team. If I want to fight, I go find you." He grinned. "I'm never alone. There are always people. Guildmates. Usually you and Erza and Lucy. I'm always…full."
"That sounds nice," Gray said.
"It is. Except when things happen to those people. Then I get furious."
"And go into Dragon Force," Gray added.
"What?"
"Every time you've gone into Dragon Force," Gray said, smiling. "It's because you needed to protect someone. Erza. The team. Me."
Natsu found he couldn't meat Gray's eyes as he said this.
"Yeah." He coughed. "And it's why I followed you all the way out here. I'm sorry I hurt you, Gray."
"I…I think I forgive you," Gray said. "Don't gloat or anything."
"I don't intend to. That's a relief."
"I'm glad." Gray's smile was wide and genuine. It was a good look on him. "Thanks for coming out here."
"I had to make sure…" Natsu's voice dropped off. "I just wanted to see you were okay. That… That I hadn't hurt you beyond the point of healing."
"Natsu." When Natsu didn't immediately look over, Gray grabbed his arm. "You could never do that."
"I'm not so sure," he said, feeling dull. "Fuck, I'm so sorry."
"I already responded to your apology. Stop making me repeat myself."
"It's just…"
"I know."
Gray was still holding his arm. He let go reluctantly, sitting up and pulling away from Natsu's heat. Natsu felt the lack of him like an icy wind.
"Where are you going?" he asked as Gray stood.
Gray sighed.
"Home, I guess? I'm kind of exhausted, to be honest. This day."
"I know." Natsu wiped his trousers off as he rose too. "Can I cook you dinner? It's the least I can do."
"I won't pass that up," Gray said. "Lead the way."
The walk to Natsu's house was quiet, the pair of them falling into step. A hundred things were swirling through Natsu's head, Gray's presence not a small part of them. The crackle of the leaves under his boots and the quiet rhythm of his pulse and body. Natsu had almost lost this. He'd almost pushed it away forever.
"Thanks for forgiving me," he whispered as they came up the walk.
"Of course, Natsu."
"I know I don't deserve it."
Gray grabbed his hand and dragged him to a stop.
He searched Natsu's eyes.
"Thank you for coming to find me."
Natsu gave him a sad smile. "Of course, snowflake. I always will."
Radiating a simple smile, Gray released him and headed toward his door. "So what's for dinner?"
Somehow they managed to laugh through dinner.
'Managed' was the wrong word. It was easy. It was like it always was between them: fun, and natural, and free-flowing. They never had trouble coming up with things to say to each other, new jokes to tell, new things to laugh at together. They were in sync; it was why they always fought.
By the time they'd finished tucking away thirds, it was growing late, and then Natsu said he had dessert too if Gray wanted, and Gray told him hell yes, and so they sat down over bowls of ice cream and traded more jokes, until they were tired and slap-happy and honest.
"Remember when Elfman shaved his chest?" Natsu laughed.
"It was weird." Gray made a face. "He's…he's not my type, so this is a little unfair, but he's too ugly to shave his chest."
Natsu snorted so hard on his bite of ice cream that he groaned and said, "Ow, brain freeze," even while he continued laughing.
"Okay, but I shaved my chest once," Gray said. "And that did look hot, you have to admit."
"Yeah, but you have the abs to make it work."
Gray cracked up, unsure what on earth he was laughing at, but it was funny. This was what being with Natsu was all about.
"Hey, I told Mira about our brilliant job."
"Brilliant job?"
"How you and I slayed and basically did a Unison Raid."
"Dude, that was awesome. All that fighting each other over the years has paid off," Gray laughed.
"I bet we could do it," Natsu mused.
"A Unison Raid?"
"Yeah."
"Really?" Gray gave him an incredulous look. "Do you know how hard that is? Most people never can."
"Yeah, I know," Natsu said, crossing his arms and pouting defensively. "Still think we could do it together."
"Maybe," Gray admitted. They were pretty damn in sync sometimes. "Depends on how frustrated I was at you at the time."
Natsu grinned at him. "Well, if you're ever not frustrated at me, we should try it. I'm generally a pretty annoying person."
"No, you're not." Gray rolled his eyes.
Natsu cackled in surprise. "You saying that? What has this world come to?"
"Oh, har. You're not a bad person, Natsu. Don't talk like you are. It makes me uncomfortable."
Natsu sobered. "Sorry."
There was a pause, both of them gathering their breath.
"Gray," Natsu said, just as Gray said, "Hey, um."
They blinked.
"You first," Gray said.
"I just…am grateful we're friends."
"Me too," Gray smiled.
"You're my best friend," Natsu said seriously. "Let's not change that, okay?"