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She was a star.
Tendou Maya was a star.
A star she failed to grasp, she failed to reach and protect.
Not once in her life she had ever felt so frustrated. It was her fault. Tendou Maya was perfect, without flaw, and it was because of her sword right then, that they'd lost. The guilt piled up on her, blaming herself for being so prideful and confident.
(She had been so wrapped up in her pride and arrogance, that she neglected her flaws which caused their downfall. She thought she might once be able to stand by her side. Maya trusted her, she trusted her-)
With that, they lost their brilliance to shine. Maya had become a dead star now, her position as valedictorian of the level snatched away by Kagura Hikari, whose brilliance returned, brighter than before.
The smiles Maya had on stage, had been taken away, all of it, and it was Claudine's fault. Both of them had become nothing, leaving just a gaping hole in their hearts. The red jacket that fell off Maya's shoulder was appalling, horrifying even.
Claudine hadn't been doing too well either, her face stone cold and her playful and denying attitude gone like her brilliance. She had been ridden with anxiety and self-doubt, the total opposite of what she was before. The confidence she exuded was fake, and wobbly, as if a mere finger could push her cardboard confidence down.
The silence she was greeted with, after the auditions were over, shattered her. It haunted her to no end. She could only imagine the face Maya made filled with many strong emotions, namely; anger, heavy disappointment, sadness, distraught and regret.
It was from then, Claudine, filled with such guilt, avoided Maya like she was the plague. The happiness of competing was no more, what was left between them was a growing wall, awkward silence and simple words that were growing to none at all.
Claudine thought that it was for the best.
She forgot how to feel, how to love. She only felt pain, and pain, and pain until she went numb.
Maya thought that it was enough. Claudine avoiding her to this extent was making her restless enough. It hurt to know the only and first friend, nay, rival (or was it more than that?) was ignoring and avoiding her so. Each time they made eye contact, she could only imagine the life, the fire of competitiveness that once danced in her magenta eyes.
Now it was lifeless, cold, as though it was hiding something behind them, occasionally there was a glimpse of hurt, but it disappeared as quickly as it appeared. Each time she called out to Claudine, it was either she did respond, formally, or she never did.
Ever since that day when they lost their brilliance, those words have become formal and the friendly fire was slowly extinguishing into a pile of ashes of their memories.
It hurt. It hurt so much, it was as if a thousand needles were stabbing her heart, her innards being ripped out from within, each time her first love friend averted her eyes away from her own amethyst gems.
It came in the middle of her acts, her practices lacking luster as worry shrouded the stars in a fog.
'Ah, she's there.' Maya spotted her from afar, each of them standing at the ends of the dim, empty hallway of the dorms. It'd been late at night, and everyone had fallen asleep, a perfect chance to talk face-to-face, alone.
Her wavy platinum blonde hair unkept, her headband missing, those eyes lifeless as ever, dressed in a long-sleeved nightgown that protected her against the cold fall breeze. She steeled herself, walking towards her in large strides.
"Saijou." Claudine seemed to notice, but she ignored her, her legs pacing up, hoping to reach her room before Maya could catch her.
"Saijou." Maya repeated again. She was still met with silence, her voice bouncing through the hallway, an echo reaching all but none. Frustratingly, she reached out to her, gripping her wrist tight.
"Ow-" Maya's grip loosened, careful to not hurt her ex-partner.
Claudine turned around in shock, before her eyes once again turned to ice.
"What is it, Tendou?" Claudine spat, trying to jerk her hand away from Maya's once loosened grip. Claudine had never once spoken to her like this, her tone was usually spiteful, playful, but this was full of venom.
"I-" She took a deep breath, calming herself. "May I have a moment with you?"
"About what?" Her voice shaky, as if she was a little kitten, quivering in fear. Her eyes didn't want any business with Maya, not after that final Revue.
"The last Revue, if you don't mind." She gathered up the last of her saliva in her mouth, trying to moisturise her drying mouth. The light above them flickered slightly, their breaths the only sound that sliced through the silence of the night.
"What is there to talk about now, Tendou. I'm sure the results showed you everything." Her voice choked halfway, as if fear had taken her over. Her lips were trembling, but the autumn weather hadn't grew that cold yet.
It was a trigger that activated her anxiety to rise, it made her hallucinate, overthink, a wave of guilt washing over her again as her heart palpitated. Cold sweat formed on her back.
"No, its not about that." She shook her head, looking straight into those magentas she loved so dearly, and she noticed a slight watering of those gems, the dim light of the hallways reflecting light upon them.
"Then what?" Her grip was still tight, but not enough to hurt her. The half-french averted her eyes as Maya had a stern expression on.
"The hallway isn't a good place to talk. I think we'll bring this conversation to my room, Saijou." It wasn't a question, it was a statement that Claudine had never heard such command from before.
With a sigh, she reluctantly nodded, and let Maya lead her to her room, by the hand, which little to none of their friends, not even Claudine, often entered.
Maya lead her to sit on her bed, next to her, and it was what she did. The moon was shining through the window, projecting upon and catching her eye on the single photo frame Maya had on her desk.
'99th Seishou festival, huh?' Those moments where she'd shone on stage, alongside Maya. It was also the day she told Maya that she wouldn't lose to her, that she would catch up to her. The memory was really one of a kind.
(It may have been the peak of her brilliance.)
"What was it you wanted to talk about? Its getting late now, and I want to be able to catch up with lessons tomorrow, Tendou." She stated, emotionlessly, tapping her foot in annoyance.
Maya inhaled a deep breath, and said, apologetically, "I'm deeply sorry about anything I have done wrong about, but I wish to know the reason why, Claudine."
'She's the one apologising now?'
"You have done nothing wrong Tendou." The quivering voice spoke out.
"Then why have you been," She paused, "avoiding me?"
A silence so thick ensued, the faint creek-creek-creek of the crickets a cacophony that did nothing to relieve the tension, a wall so thick that couldn't be broken down.
"It is because we lost?" Claudine stiffened, tears starting to spill as the flashbacks of the red cape falling off Maya's shoulder returning.
(Within this proximity, she missed it. She missed the brilliance. She missed the smiles Maya made on stage. She missed how Maya shined on stage. She missed-)
"Claudine." The half-french was snapped out of her reverie, a tear leaking out of her eye, rolling down her soft cheeks, dripping onto her hands, which were balled up fists, scrunching up her nightgown. "Why are you crying?"
(Maya had been too kind. Even as Claudine avoided her so, she still approached her, tried to talk to her. She was again, wound up in her own self-doubt and selfishness to be able to notice.)
"I-" She choked a sob. All those things she'd missed, were lost in the darkness, all because of her. "I'm sorry."
(No, not now.)
"Why must you be, Ma Claudine?" She soothed her so, her hand then gently resting itself on her back, rubbing in circles. Her entire body trembled, whether in guilt or in sadness, Maya didn't care. What she cared about was to bring Claudine back to life, even if it costed her the ugly truth she was about to face.
"I-Because of me," She couldn't hold it in anymore, she had to spill it all out. "Because of me, you lost your brilliance as top star, you lost your smile on stage, you lost-" She couldn't continue, her breathing transcending into rapid gasps, hyperventilating as tears kept streaming down her face. "everything." She choked out. "I'm the one who should've lost. Not you."
(Claudine lost herself as well.)
"Ma Claudine.." Maya had never been cared for this way, Claudine had been too ridden with guilt to talk to her. "Ma chérie. Look at me."
Claudine refused to, she feared the look on her rival's face after seeing her in this state.
After some time, she hesitantly turned her watery, bloodshot eyes to look at Maya, who instead of disgust and anger, showed love and adoration, surprising Claudine. Her amethyst gems were soft, loving and caring.
(How could she be so kind?)
"It's okay." She pulled Claudine into a hug, surrounding her with the warmth she craved, and her longing to touch Claudine satisfied in return. "It's okay if I lose my shine, as long as I'm with you, everything will be fine."
Claudine couldn't help but silently bawl even more into her shoulder, staining Maya's nightgown. A calming scent,ーMaya's, one of jasmine and lavender, brought her down from her outburst. Maya, the person who was supposed to be the shoulder to lean on, can't help but shed a few tears as well, both from sadness and longing.
"I'm sorry, Maya." She repeated it over and over again, like a broken radio. Mumbles of 'I don't deserve you' or 'I love you' an occasional difference in those repeated phrases.
"It's okay."
(Maya pretended nothing was wrong, but she still does miss it, her love for the stage.)
''If you were a dead star, then I would be one too, Ma Claudine." The brunette combed her slender fingers through those blonde locks she grew to love, until she calmed down gradually, sniffling slightly as she did.
(They were two dead stars, seeking comfort and brilliance within each other, as their tears flow out, their minds on the stage who killed them as stage girls instead of keeping them alive.)
"The both of us.. are now dead stars, aren't we?" Claudine croaked, her throat dry and constricting as she leaned against the taller girl's shoulder.
"Mhm. But it doesn't mean we can't shine anymore." She pressed a kiss to Claudine's forehead.
"What do you mean by that?"
"See, dead stars," She looked to the window where a galaxy had stretched across the horizon. "They will still shine, as supernovae."
"Supernova, huh?"
"It may also mean that," She turned her gaze, those amethysts shining, glowing in the dark. "once we are reborn, we will shine brighter than ever before, and we as stage girls, will always be reborn."
(Maya had never been wiser in this moment, Claudine saw a flicker of a spark in her eyes, as though the brilliance she lost had come back to her.)
"So, Ma Claudine." Maya took the blonde's hand in hers, feeling the slender yet signs of hard work; the callousness of her fingertips on her palm. A faint blush tickled Claudine's cheeks as she did, the warmth of Maya's hand never failing to make her heart race.
"Would you be honoured to be the brightest supernova in the universe, together with me?" She kissed her hand, pecking it slightly. The hesistation and self doubt was still present in those eyes, and so Maya taunted, an effective way to rid of those negative feelings.
"Or you can't do it, now?" Smirking, she could feel the taunt slowly taking effect as a smug grin made its way onto the previously blushing half-french's face.
"Mechanté va. Who do you think I am?" The old Claudine was back, seemingly shining brighter than ever, eliciting a soft smile out of Maya.
"That's better." She took Claudine's face in her two hands, squishing them together, a squeal erupting from her throat. She could feel the love and adoration Maya radiated.
'She looks so cute.'
"Nnn.. Maya!" Claudine tried to swat away her hands, but her firm grip forced her to look into those deep purple eyes, full of mystery and love. "Stop it." Those cheeks the brunette held became warm as blood rushed beneath the skin.
"I love you, Ma Claudine." She clashed her lips with hers, the smacking sound of their love reverbrating through the room. They pulled away shortly, Claudine saying something, a mere whisper of a phrase that Claudine would never want to repeat once more.
"I love you too, Ma Maya." They kissed under the shining stars, and were reborn once more, together.
Thank you.