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Having Victor living with Yuuri, in his hometown and under his family’s roof, has brought about its fair share of surprises. Between Victor showing up naked in the hot springs, and then later proceeding to manhandle and manipulate Yuuri’s body in said hot springs, it feels like Yuuri’s heart is constantly working overtime to try jump out of his ribcage.
But for all of the surprises, over the span of many months things have settled into a surreal sense of normality. There are things Yuuri has grown accustomed to, and things he has even come to expect. He’s compiled a collection of Victor’s trivial traits, like how he is incredibly touchyーeven by foreigners’ standardsーor how he has full conversations with Makkachin under the firm belief that she understands every single word (Yuuri has yet to decide whether or not this is true).
Knowing Victor so intimately is a blessing, a life Yuuri’s past self wouldn’t even dare dream about, and with this unique knowledge of Victor comes the added bonus of being able to recognize the instant something is wrong.
Such as now.
“Victor?”
Yuuri stands outside of the sliding doors leading to his coach’s temporary room, wondering if he should be worried or not. It’s early in the morning and for once he’s up before Victor. While it’s not like this never happens, most times it does is when Victor is hungover. And Yuuri is pretty sure he’d have heard it if Victor was drinking last night.
When he gets no response he tries again. “It’s me, Yuuri.”
It could be nothing. Maybe Victor just wanted to sleep in. With less than a month until the Grand Prix Final, they’ve both been working hard. He’s entitled to a bit of rest. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to check on him, just to be sure. Another long pause passes before he announces, “I’m coming in now.”
He remembers one time he had tried to wake Victor, during his first couple weeks or so of being here. Obviously he hadn’t heard Yuuri calling his name, because when Yuuri opened the door he quickly found another piece to add to his collection of specialized knowledge: Victor likes to sleep in the nude.
Nothing like a mistake to ensure you never forget something, right?
This time, when Yuuri slides the door open, Victor is (thankfully) covered by the blankets, and when Yuuri gets closer he sees he’s still fast asleep. Normally Victor is up at the crack of dawn, or maybe even before then. To see him like this now, with his guard down, is endearing, if not concerning. Silver lashes fan out against perfect cheekbones, his bangs falling over his eyes. He’s stunning even in sleep, a sight Yuuri will never tire of even after all this time. But Yuuri can’t help but notice the slight pinch to Victor’s brows, almost like he’s in pain. And it could be Yuuri’s imagination, but his fair skin looks paler than normal.
As if sensing Yuuri’s presence, Victor stirs. A soft moan escapes his lips and his eyes crack open. He stares up at Yuuri, blinking slowly.
“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Yuuri greets, unable to hold back a smile.
Victor’s response comes in the form of him reaching for the covers and pulling them over his head with a groan. “Too early…”
It’s the total opposite of their usual scenario. Normally Victor is the one barging into Yuuri’s room, sing-songing about how it’s time to get up, causing Yuuri to grumble and protest. Victor would even go so far as to shake Yuuri’s shoulders and throw the curtains open wide, letting sunlight stream into the room. Yuuri is almost tempted to do the same as payback, though given everything he’s witnessed so far he has a feeling it would do more harm than good.
“You don’t usually sleep in this late,” Yuuri muses. “You’re not hungover, are you?” he asks, just to be sure. If Victor really has been drinking then it would probably be best to let him sleep it off rather than drag him to the rink.
Victor shakes his head, a quiet noise of pain escaping him as he does so. “Not hungover.” He doesn’t sound convincing, but Yuuri puts it down to him having just woken up. “Hungry…”
“That’s why i came to get you, actually,” Yuuri says. “Breakfast is ready.” It’s a traditional meal of fish and rice and miso soup, something simple to fuel them before practice. With the way Victor practically inhales it most mornings, you’d think it was a five-star meal. Well, given as it’s prepared by his mother, Yuuri can’t blame him for thinking that.
“Mm… I’d rather have you…”
Yuuri blinks, standing frozen in place, unsure of how to respond. Not that he’s entirely opposed to the idea of sex, it’s just that Victor was asleep not even two minutes ago, and first thing in the morning isn’t really the best time for such activities anyways.
A long beat of silence passes. “I’ll leave you to get ready,” Yuuri eventually says, and promptly makes his exit.
It’s only after he pulls the sliding door shut behind him that he truly understands the meaning behind Victor’s words. The paleness of Victor’s face, the pain he was experiencing, all of the smaller signs suddenly return to the forefront of Yuuri’s mind. It all adds up. Victor has been acting off for a couple of days, now that he thinks about it. Prolonged exhaustion, light sensitivity, headaches, irritability, dizzinessーit all spells out textbook symptoms of withdrawal. Yuuri wracks his brain, trying to think back and remember the last time Victor has had the opportunity to sink his teeth into a proper meal. A couple of months, at least. And if it’s gotten to this point, he’s obviously reluctant to indulgeーeven though it’s not an indulgence, it’s something Victor needs to survive.
Despite how miserable he must be feeling, there’s not a doubt in Yuuri’s mind that Victor will insist on coaching. As stubborn as Yuuri prides himself in being, you don’t become a Living Legend with multiple world titles by having a tendency to give up. Yuuri heaves a sigh. Yup, today is going to be a long day.
～
The rink is empty when they arrive for practice. The sun is slowly creeping up above the horizon and into the sky, orange and yellow hues pouring in from the windows and stretching across the surface of the ice. It’s beautiful, but Victor’s eyes are narrowed as if even that small amount of light exposure pains him.
(Maybe it does.)
As practice goes on, it becomes clear that Victor’s condition is only getting worse. His usually upbeat personality is nowhere to be found. The heart-shaped smile that Yuuri is so fond of is oddly absent, Victor’s lips instead pressed in a thin line that closely resembles a scowl. It doesn’t suit him at all. There’s only so much Yuuri can ignore. He comes to a stop in front of the boards.
“When’s the last time you’ve eaten?” Yuuri asks, frowning as he watches Victor rub at his temples with an evident grimace on his face.
“Breakfast this morning. You were there with me,” Victor answers, not even bothering to lift his head.
Yes, Yuuri was there, and he watched Victor pick at his meal and hardly eat anything. “No, I meanー” he pauses, sparing a quick glance left and then right to make sure nobody is overhearing them. It’s just the two of them using the rink, but Yuuri keeps his voice low just to be safe. “When’s the last time you’ve eaten?”
“I’m fine,” Victor dismisses, running a hand through his hair, which is unstyled and unbrushed. His other hand is gripping the rink wall, as if it’s taking great effort to remain upright. He has that unsettling smile on his face, the kind that tells of irritation bubbling beneath the surface.
A Yuuri from months ago would back down, would comply and drop the issue without another word. But they’ve grown past that point ages ago. At least, Yuuri thought they had. The way Victor is behaving now suggests otherwise.
“I know you’re not,” Yuuri argues, struggling to hide his own annoyance. “For starters, you slept in today, which you only do when you’re not feeling wellー”
“So I’m a little more tired, no big deal,” Victor cuts in.
“And you’ve been acting off for the past couple of days,” Yuuri continues. “I know what’s going on, Victor, I know you needー”
“I told you, I’m fine,” Victor snaps. His earlier smile has vanished, and Yuuri finds himself oddly missing it. “I’ll tell you what isn’t fine, though,” Victor starts. “Talking back to your coach when you could be improving that abysmal excuse of a quad salchow. Now stop wasting time and take it from the top.”
Yuuri gapes at his coach. Blunt criticisms are far from uncommon, but they are always directed at a component in need of corrections. The words uttered now feel like a direct attack at him. Victor’s voice is cold, his eyes sharp like ice, sending chills down Yuuri’s spine. It cuts deep. It stings.
Clenching his teeth, Yuuri pushes off and returns to the centre of the rink. If Victor wants to see a clean quad sal, then Yuuri will show him a clean quad sal. And if Victor wants to act like a stubborn child and insist he’s fine when he’s obviously not, then he can do so for all Yuuri cares.
Fuming, Yuuri builds up speed and launches himself into the jump, rotating four times in the air and coming down cleanly on the blade. He can’t help his satisfied smirk. Powered by spite. Yurio would be proud. Yuuri tosses a glance over his shoulder at Victor, already mentally preparing a comeback to whatever comment Victor is sure to throw at him this time.
Victor has his face buried in the palm of his hand. Yuuri nearly scoffs. Yes, he admits that his free leg could have been better, or he could have aimed for more height, but he still landed the jump. So why does Victor look so displeased?
Yuuri gets his answer when Victor stumbles and sways, then promptly collapses.
Yuuri doesn’t even think before he starts moving, taking off towards the rink exit. “Victor!” All previous anger evaporates in an instant, replaced by an all-consuming need to ensure Victor is okay. He reaches solid ground and runs to Victor without even bothering to put on his skate guards.
Yuuri makes it to him in record time, sinking to his knees in front of Victor’s unconscious form. He checks for any injuries, exhaling in relief when he finds none. Carefully, he brings Victor’s head to rest in his lap, absentmindedly brushing his bangs away from his face. God, he’s even more pale than he was before. “Victor,” Yuuri says, more like pleads. Please wake up, please be okay.
It takes a moment, but Victor stirs. His brows draw together and a quiet noise of pain escapes him before his eyes finally flutter open. “Yuuri…?” Victor mumbles. “What happened?”
“You passed out.” The image of it plays on an endless loop in Yuuri’s mind, and he’s certain it will be there for a while. He bites his lip. Guilt nags at him, whispering that at least a portion of this is his fault. He tries to ignore it.
“Oh.“ Victor blinks up at him in a way reminiscent of earlier that the morning, looking just as exhausted then as he does now. “I got dizzy…” He tries to sit up, but Yuuri stops him with a palm on his chest. “I think I’m okay now,” Victor insists.
“You’re hardly able to stay on your feet,” Yuuri argues, easing him back down. Victor complies all too easily. It’s unclear whether it’s because he’s feeling that weak, or is chastened by Yuuri’s chiding. Either option is cause for concern.
“Victor,” Yuuri says, as calmly and patiently as he can. Stern and serious didn’t work, so it’s time to try a new method. “I want you to be honest with me: how long has it been?”
It’s clear he understands Yuuri’s meaning, even without him having to spell it out. He quickly looks away with something resembling guilt written on his features, and it’s that unwillingness to answer tells Yuuri everything he needs to know.
“It’s… been a while,” Victor eventually admits, keeping his gaze pointedly aimed at the ground. Yuuri doesn’t miss the hunger that flickers in his eyes.
“There are plenty of opportunities to feed, Victor. You shouldn’t be starving yourself like this,” Yuuri admonishes, but keeps his voice gentle like the hand cupping Victor’s cheek. It’s as if he’s subconsciously checking for a fever, even though he logically knows he won’t find oneーVictor doesn’t get sick the same way most humans do.
The touch at least is soothing, Victor leaning into his hand with a weary sigh. “I don’t mean to, I just… I don’t want to hurt anyone if it can be avoided.”
That same logic is what got Victor into trouble before, and was what lead to Yuuri finding out about everything in the first place. They were enjoying their last few days in China when Victor had fallen ill, similar to now. He didn’t want to harm any bystanders by feeding, and being a well-known athlete in a foreign country only increased the risk of discovery. The withdrawal had gotten so bad that Yuuri had to carry him to bed and force him to stay there. It had taken some gentle coaxing to get Victor to open up about what was wrong, and once the truth was revealed Yuuri had willingly offered himself as a solution.
He’d be more than happy to do it again, if it’s for Victor. “You won’t hurt me. I trust you. You can take what you need.”
“You’ve already given me so much. I can’tー”
“You can,” Yuuri insists. “What you can’t do is carry on like this. It will only make things worse for when you finally decide to feed.”
Victor seems to consider this, looking away and going quiet. That hunger still lingers in his eyes, and Yuuri doesn’t miss how his tongue quickly darts out to lick his lips. Something deep inside of Yuuri hopes Victor is thinking about him, about how good it would feel to sink his teeth into his skin and claim him like he did before.
A shiver runs through Yuuri, and he blames it on the chill of the rink. “We can make time tonight, after practice,” Yuuri suggests. “We’ll head home early, I know you’re exhausted. I’ll get us a ride.”
“I can walk, the dizziness has passed now,” Victor says. Yuuri can’t help but notice he isn’t refusing his offer.
He makes to get up again, and Yuuri helps him to his feet. True to his word, he doesn’t appear to be on the verge of passing out again. He even sounds a bit better too.
“I’m still getting us a ride,” Yuuri says, leaving no room for argument. “I don’t want you out in the sun, not like this.” Contrary to the popular myths, the sun won’t burn Victor’s skin any more than a normal person. What it can do, however, is cause fatigue and debilitating migraines, even moreso when he’s running on empty like he is now.
Victor gives an amused chuckle. “And here I thought I was the stubborn one…”
“You are. If you had listened to me in the first place this never would have happened,” Yuuri points out.
“I never would have woken up with my head in your lap as you play with my hair?” Victor considers. “Well in that case, this isn’t too bad, is it?”
Yuuri can’t help but mirror Victor’s bright smile. It’s a relief to see Victor is feeling better, as if even the mere thought of having an end in sight is enough to put him in a good mood. His energy surely won’t last forever, but it should hold out until they get home.
And then when they get home…
Yuuri quickly pushes the thought out of his mind for now, and instead focuses on gathering their belongings. His fluttering pulse has little to do with the exertion from practice.
～
As soon as the bedroom door closes, Victor shoves Yuuri’s back against it and crashes their mouths together.
Victor’s kisses have always left Yuuri dizzy, but now his head is spinning at the mere thought of what is to come. Victor’s desperation is bleeding through every bruising kiss, through the firm grip he has Yuuri’s arm, the fingers of his other hand trembling as they run over the body pinned under him. He’s hungryーhe needsーand Yuuri will willingly provide.
He returns Victor’s fervent kisses, licking into his mouth. His tongue runs along Victor’s teeth, feeling where his fangs will soon be and is unable to repress a whimper. His heart is racing with what might be fear but Yuuri would dare to call exhilaration. He melts, letting his head fall to the side to expose his neck, ready for the taking.
“Yuuri…” Victor voice is strained, like he’s holding back. His thumb strokes the unblemished skin, but he doesn’t bring his lips there just yet.
“I’m yours,” Yuuri says, giving him the go-ahead.
In a sudden and unexpected move, Victor lifts Yuuri up by the thighs and carries him over to the bed where he carefully lays him down. He’s upon him the next moment, trailing kisses down his jawline, until his nose is buried in Yuuri’s neck.
“You smell so good it’s driving me crazy.” It’s almost a growl, Victor’s voice so low and deep that Yuuri can only tremble in helpless anticipation. The thought that he is the only one that Victor wants, the only one that can satisfy him, sends shivers down his spine.
“You have no idea,” Victor goes on, “how much I desire you.”
Yuuri whines, struggling to keep still. It’s incredibly difficult, especially as Victor’s lips finally press against his neck, peppering the skin with kisses. A hitching breath escapes Yuuri at the touch, so light it’s almost a tease. He grips the sheets in a white-knuckled grip, as if to hold on to his sanity. How Victor can even contemplate drawing out the moment like this is beyond Yuuri. If he’s already burning up, he can only imagine how desperate Victor must be. Heartbeats mark each passing second, and Yuuri feels each one echoed against Victor’s lips. It takes several moments for him to realize that Victor isn’t movingーhe’s hesitating, still nervous about causing Yuuri pain.
While it does hurt initially, it’s not all unpleasant. It's… a unique kind of intimacy between them, and the dizziness that comes with having his blood drawn leaves him feeling tingly, kind of floaty, in a good way. Plus, the consequences of Victor not getting his meal are much worse than a bit of pain on Yuuri’s part.
Yuuri lets out a slow breath, letting go of the tension and giving himself over to the flood of sensations swirling inside of him: the eager anticipation, the adrenaline pulsing through his veins, and the small undercurrent of fear. He embraces it all.
His eyes flutter shut. “I’m yours.”
The lips pressed to Yuuri’s neck begin to move, lightly kissing at first, occasionally pausing to suck. Yuuri is glad he’s already laying downーif he were standing he’s sure his legs would have given out. The touches bestowed upon him are reverent and so familiar. He’s been here before many times, in this very room on this very bed, with Victor pressing him against the mattress and driving him out of his mind with pleasure. But this time will be different.
He gasps at the unmistakable poke of fangs at the sensitive skin, back arching a second later as the skin is pierced. “Ah-!” He squeezes his eyes shut, breathes through the initial pain and forces his body to relax. Only then does Victor start to drink.
When Yuuri had first offered himself after learning the truth about Victor, he didn’t think the sensation of Victor feeding on him would be much different than having blood drawn for a routine doctor’s exam. A slight twinge where the skin is breached, and a bit of dizziness once the ordeal is over.
This is so much more than that.
Victor’s lips are soft against his skin, a contrast to the sharp sting of the bite that is steadily becoming more bearable with each passing second. Hands roam over Yuuri’s body, stroking his arm and petting his hair, the comfort keeping his tears at bay. It doesn’t hurt so much as it’s very overwhelming, but it doesn’t take long for his worries to slip away, anxiety taken along with the blood from his veins and replaced by a muted, pleasant numbness.
Victor moans, a sound laden with mixed desperation and relief. The vibrations of it tingle against Yuuri’s skin and cause him to shiver. The room spins as he closes his eyes. It’s like his senses are heightened: he swears he can smell his own blood in the air, taste the copper tang of it on his tongue. He can only wonder what Victor must be feeling.
That familiar dizziness creeps in and takes over, consuming every cell. Ringing fills his ears. High-pitched static courses through his fingertips all the way down to his toes. He’s floating just outside of himself, on the edge of consciousness, but it’s like Victor is keeping him tethered so he doesn’t drift away. Vaguely, Yuuri realizes just how hungry Victor must have been if he is taking this much; he never takes even a single drop more than what he needs. But even now, despite the haze clouding his mind, there’s nowhere Yuuri feels safer than in Victor’s arms.
There’s no way of telling how much time has passed, but soon Victor is withdrawing his teeth from the junction of Yuuri’s neck. Yuuri gasps, then whimpers in relief as the fangs are immediately replaced with lips and tongue. With each gentle caress, the fire burning in the wound flickers and fades until it burns out, leaving Yuuri panting and floating in semi-conscious bliss.
“Yuuri…”
Exhausted beyond belief, Yuuri can only manage a hum in response and hope Victor heard it.
“Are you okay?”
It takes more effort than it should, but Yuuri opens his eyes, blinking slowly at Victor’s intently peering into his own. “Mmhmm.” His heartbeat sounds like an ocean in his ears, the slow and steady rhythm making him sleepy. “And you?” Yuuri finds the strength to ask. “Feeling better?”
“Much,” Victor answers, and Yuuri can already hear it in his voice. “Thank you, Yuuri.”
Yuuri can’t help the sleepy smile that breaks out on his face. Despite his exhaustion, he reaches out for Victor, who gets the hint and brings their lips together in a kiss. It’s slow and sweet, replacing the urgency of before. The touch sparks something inside of Yuuri, pulling him back towards the shore of wakefulness. And yet he finds himself relaxing and unwinding with each one. He hardly even registers the taste of his own blood lingering on Victor’s tongue.
“You were wonderful,” Victor praises, pulling back to look Yuuri in the eyes. Sincerity flows like a river from his voice and Yuuri has to bite his lip to keep from crying. It’s a task that becomes increasingly difficult as Victor takes one of Yuuri’s hands into his own, carefully unfurling his fingers as if revealing the petals of a delicate flower. “Youー” a kiss on his palmー “are soー” another kiss, this time on his wrist, “so very brave, to trust me with your body like this.” He takes the time to kiss each of Yuuri’s knuckles, lingering on the ring finger of his right hand, where a wedding band would be. Yuuri’s breath catches at the implication, then leaves him entirely when Victor glances up, tender devotion overflowing from his gaze. “How did I ever get so lucky?”
Heat rushes to Yuuri’s cheeks. And here he thought he wouldn’t have enough blood to be blushing… Victor always pushes him to do the impossible, it seems. “I think that’s my line.” A younger Yuuri would lay in this very bed, staring up at posters of his idol. (Said posters have long-since been taken down and are neatly stored in a box in his closet.) He strived to be good enough to skate on the same ice as Victor, but never in a million years did he think he’d be sharing a bed with him.
Speaking of which, there is far too much space between them right now. Yuuri is trembling with a bone-deep chill and he doubts the blankets would be enough to eradicate the feeling.
Victor notices his shivering, and before Yuuri can even say a word Victor is pulling up the blankets and securing him in an embrace. Almost immediately the shivers stop, and Yuuri hums a blissful sigh as he nuzzles closer. He can’t understand how anyone could possibly be afraid of Victor, not when Yuuri feels so safe and protected like this. Sleep sings its siren song, and Yuuri doesn’t resist, letting his eyes slip shut. “I wish we could stay like this forever…”
Victor holds him closer. His thumb strokes over the bite on Yuuri’s neck. The wound has already closed, and all that remains is a light mark and a small fire that flares with each pulse, though even that pain is hardly noticeable. By morning all that will be left is a scar.
“Me too,” Victor murmurs.
The words sound like a promise. They wrap around Yuuri’s heart, keeping him warm like the blanket draped over him and the arms holding him close. Maybe one day, Victor will make their wish come true.