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Chuuya was acting weird. Dazai did not like it.
Dazai had been away from home since morning, since he had a reunion early that day with his editor, Kunikida, about his new book's progress. Everything went normally; Dazai annoying the shit out of Kunikida and the poor man helplessly yelling at Dazai for being incompetent, but still being unable to punish him in any way whatsoever, being a popular author with a series of best sellers had its privileges. That was nothing new, exactly how it should be.
Except that Chuuya had sent texts and they were, per se, rather odd.
[Slug] hey dazai, let me know when you get home
[Slug] i’ll order food from that seafood restaurant you like and buy you sake
[Slug] and we can marathon those movies you like
[Slug] know I love you
That, was not only weird and severely preoccupying, but extremely terrifying as well. Dazai did not know what kind of demon had forcefully taken control of his husband's tiny body, and he grew increasingly afraid as he walked toward their home.
He cautiously opened the door to their house, analyzing the surroundings to see if there was anything that indicated someone had forcefully entered and, well, maybe kidnapped Chuuya.
However, much to Dazai’s utter dismay, the scene that was unfolding in front of his eyes was far worse than any possible kidnapping or demonic possession — Chuuya was eagerly playing catch with a… canine. It was happily running around their living room while Chuuya laughed.
Dazai was dumbfounded.
His distaste for dogs was not unknown for anyone, he was pretty open about disliking those animals. Dazai couldn't sympathize with them nor understand the appeal such stupid and nonsensically loyal creatures might have, but then again, he married Chuuya, so he wasn't one to talk.
Chuuya quickly stopped playing with the dog and came to a halt at the sight of Dazai, like a criminal that had just gotten caught by the police.
“Look, I can explain,” Chuuya frantically approached Dazai accompanied by the canine who followed his every step “He was abandoned, he was tied to a tree! I couldn't let him starve there!”
Dazai had a murderous smile plastered on his face “Just give it to someone else, Chuuya.”
Chuuya felt a wave of rage attempting to drown him, how could a person be so insensitive? And more importantly, why did he marry said person?! Even then, he thought better than lashing out, Chuuya really wanted to take care of the little guy, even if only for a short while.
“Can't we just keep him until I find someone I trust willing to adopt him?” Chuuya spoke uncharacteristically calmly. Dazai was surprised, he expected Chuuya to be lashing out and yelling several profanities at him by now.
Dazai remembered Chuuya’s text messages. Of course, everything made sense now, that was the cause of his abnormally kind behavior.
Granted, Dazai could not stand dogs, but due to the irony of the universe he still loved Chuuya. Chuuya had helped Dazai in so many ways during all these years, and as much as Dazai wasn't exactly a kind person, he didn't have the heart to deny that request, not when Chuuya looked so happy.
But it didn't mean he wouldn't also try to have fun with this situation.
Dazai hummed and put his finger on his chin, feigning a lost in thought expression “I don’t know about that, hat rack. Maybe I would change my mind if I heard the magical word?” Dazai smiled innocently.
Chuuya made a gagging sound “I hate you.”
“ Beep! Wrong answer! You're not being very convincing!”
“Ple-” Chuuya choked, this was taking a toll on his pride, that bastard Dazai knew how to get on his nerves.
“I didn't hear you,”
“ Please.”
Dazai smiled triumphantly, “After such a heartfelt request I couldn't possibly deny my little musician's request, could I?” He smirked “But, I do have some conditions”
Chuuya groaned and crossed his arms in indignation, already far irritated by Dazai's antics. “Spill it.”
“Firstly, you take care of it not me.”
“Done.”
“Secondly, I get to name it.”
“What.”
“That's right! I'll give it a name.”
“God, just don't fuck it up weirdo.” Chuuya massaged his temples, slowly trying to let Dazai's words sink in. “What do you suggest?”
“Sir Lieutnald The Fifth: The Harbinger of Chaos”
“ I hope you realize how close I am of smashing your head against concrete right now.”
“Chuuya's no fun.” Dazai huffed “Then…” Dazai paused and looked at the animal that kept running back and forth in their house, it had a bright fur, its coloration being akin to gold. “...Cheddar?” Genius prodigy novelist rewarded for his unmatched creativity and complex stories Dazai Osamu replied.
“A kind of cheese,” Chuuya bursted out laughing “what kind of idiot names their dog after food?”
Chuuya sat down on the floor and happily gave Cheddar several belly rubs while he still laughed at the name Dazai suggested.
“What do you think, do you like Cheddar?” Dazai asked the animal, Cheddar licked Dazai’s hand as a gesture of affection, only for Dazai to immediately move his hand away with a disgusted expression.
“I'll take that as a yes. A very unfortunate yes.”
Dazai knew that having such animal in his holy household would be no easy task, it was a noble sacrifice he had gallantly made for Chuuya's sake. What he didn't predict, however, was that this creature would surpass all his expectations.
Despite being a small puppy, Cheddar had a gift for destruction that equalled — if not surpassed — a god of calamity’s, a hurricane that devastated everything that crossed his way. Within one single day, the little dog had already chewed on most of their furniture, completely destroyed their garden hoses and mercilessly eaten Dazai's favorite shoes like a starved beast.
It was a disaster, Dazai was reaching borderline insanity, he couldn't even focus on finishing his upcoming novel thanks to the four-legged nuisance that had decided to make Dazai and Chuuya’s room his new favorite spot, and was currently staring intently at Dazai while wagging his tail with unbelievable happiness, hoping Dazai would play catch with him.
“He wants to play with you, Dazai.” Chuuya smirked from over the bed, his voice was dripping with sarcasm since he was fully aware, and probably loving, Dazai's irritation.
“And I want to never need to work again in my life Chuuya, life is quite cruel, isn't it?”
Chuuya rolled his eyes at the comment “You're the one being cruel, at least give him a chance.” Chuuya pointed at Cheddar, who had a ball next to him and was still eagerly eyeing Dazai “See? He wants your attention!”
“Of course he does, I am a delight.”
“Hah! As if! Cheddar is just too pure and kind to hate anyone.”
“Say that to my shoes he ruined.” Dazai grumbled, but still complied to Chuuya's requests and approached Cheddar.
“Hey there little de-” Dazai was cut off by a murderous stare Chuuya sent his way, making him rethink his words “ dear dog, do you want to play?” The dog only barked in response.
He hesitantly grabbed the ball, not even once taking his eyes off the dog. Dazai examined which distance would be the longest, and aimed for that. Cheddar's excitement only grew wider after Dazai threw the ball to the corridor and away from their room, the dog immediately ran after the object with an uncanny desperation and happiness that Dazai came to realize only dogs could achieve.
Dazai let out a sigh of relief as he saw the creature exit their room, to which Chuuya only responded with a chuckle. He readied himself to come back to the task that was brutally interrupted by the canine, and sat comfortably on his chair.
Only to be interrupted again.
In the blink of an eye Cheddar was back, not even tired after running a distance that would have probably killed Dazai.
Dazai looked at Cheddar like he was an apparition. Unsure of how to deal with the situation, he looked at Chuuya, completely lost. Chuuya’s laughter echoed loudly inside their room.
“Hurry up, he wants you to throw it again.” Chuuya said, executing the revenge against Dazai's incessant teasing he had always dreamed of.
Dazai made a pained expression and frowned at Chuuya, begging for mercy, only to be completely ignored by the latter.
Defeated, he threw the ball once again, aiming for an even longer distance, as this was the only viable way of getting the nuisance to leave. Unfortunately, all his attempts were frustrated, Cheddar seemed to have an endless amount of energy, and he only got faster and faster each time Dazai threw the ball.
Before Dazai could realize, he was actively playing with the dog, Chuuya had decided to chronometer how many time Cheddar took to retrieve the ball, and to no one's surprise he was indeed getting quicker.
By the time Cheddar had finally tired himself out, Dazai and Chuuya were sitting down on the floor, with Dazai being, weirdly, very tired as well. Cheddar decided to rest exactly in the space in between them, and he quickly made himself comfortable lying down on Chuuya and Dazai’s legs.
Dazai glanced at the dog near him, as if he was debating if he should touch him or not. Quickly noticing Dazai's conflict, Chuuya grabbed Dazai's hand and gently placed it over Cheddar's tiny body, the dog immediately relaxed at the touch.
“What's with this hesitation you dumbass, don't you know how to pet a dog?” Chuuya said, but with no bite in his voice.
“I guess I don't,” He gently petted Cheddar, who was already fast asleep. “but he seems to like it. A pity, I don't want to please this creature.” Dazai's expression betrayed his words, since a smile was already long present in his face.
Chuuya punched Dazai’s arm lightly and laughed “I told you you'd like him.”
“We'll see about that.”
Living with Cheddar was turning into a relatively easy task, and since Chuuya was the one in charge of taking care of the… annoying part, Dazai could just play with his little dog every now and then. Although even with his growing affection for Cheddar, he still found himself unable to properly touch him nor pet him. It wasn’t because of disgust, but rather something that even Dazai himself didn’t know how to explain.
It was the first time Dazai and Cheddar stayed alone in their house, since Chuuya was away doing his band things. It was pretty frequent for Chuuya to have a lot of work scheduled for this time of the year, it didn’t mean that it made Dazai any less annoyed though.
Chuuya’s absence always took a toll on Dazai, even if he’d rather eat a brick than admit such a thing. He didn’t like being alone, and there were days that going out was just too much trouble for him to handle. There were days that doing anything was simply too much trouble for him to handle, and it was so, so much worse without Chuuya here with him.
Naturally, Chuuya was aware of that, he never forgot to call or send texts, asking if everything was alright. Dazai’s responses were always the same; an unholy amount of kaomojis and unbearable teasing, at this point he had already mastered the technique of swiftly avoiding the elephant in the room.
That day, to Dazai's annoyance, was one of those days. He found himself being unable to do anything that he had planned — which was at least a little troublesome, considering he had procrastinated all month and the deadline was very close.
Usually, Chuuya would be able to do something, his mere presence was enough to set Dazai ablaze. Such thing was a curious fact that to this day neither of them could fully comprehend. They just knew that despite of their clash of personalities turning their daily life into an endless time of war, at the times they needed most the ceasefire always came unspoken.
But, Chuuya was not here. Dazai could do nothing but lament. He flopped on his bed, dwelling on his own uselessness while the same old thoughts started to flood his mind once again. He would probably lose an entire day again, and while Dazai sure wasn't the diligent type, he didn't like the feeling at all.
Ah, that's so pathetic.
Dazai only quietly laid down on his and Chuuya's bed, listening carefully to the calming and uninterrupted sound of the rain, in hopes it would somehow offer him aid.
His expression was of nothing. Completely blank. He hated feeling like this, he wanted to feel something, but nothing ever came out, not a single tear nor a smile, only meaningless indifference. The emptiness that once took such a strong control of him demanding its way back into his life. Dazai just laughed bitterly at the oh so dreadfully familiar feeling.
Although, in the midst of nothingness, Dazai suddenly felt something. A sensation that, out of the blue, brought him back for a few seconds.
He jumped in surprise at the sensation that tickled his hand.
Right by his side, Cheddar resided, helplessly licking Dazai’s hand in what he assumed was a gesture of affection.
Dazai stared at the little puppy wide eyed, as if the sole presence of the dog was what had pushed his mind back to reality. Cheddar looked rather upset, which was a striking contrast to his attitude of perpetual happiness that even Dazai somehow envied. Was Cheddar worrying for him, I wonder?
For once in his life, Dazai looked helpless, not knowing what to do about the situation he found himself in.
Awkwardly, he lifted Cheddar and placed him together with himself on the bed. The dog seemed to beam in happiness at such action, as he regained his usual light. Cheddar decided to curl up next to Dazai and rest his head on Dazai's tight.
Dazai looked so very closely at the dog right next to him, allowing himself to only pay attention to the disastrous canine that kept leaving him at a loss for what to do, and still defying his predictions with the most simple and mundane of actions. In that regard, Dazai thought, Chuuya certainly reminded him of the dog.
He felt a smile slowly come to his face at the thought.
Dazai petted Cheddar as gently as he could, letting himself indulge at the warmth Cheddar's golden fur gave him; such warmth made him, once again, think of Chuuya. It was good to not think sometimes. Just nice.
They stayed in that position for a long while, until the little dog eventually drifted off to sleep. Dazai stared at him dumbly and with a newfound fondness illustrating his features.
Chuuya would probably like to see this, with this thought in mind he snapped a picture of both himself and Cheddar and immediately sent it to Chuuya.
[Mackerel] oh no I've been attacked by your fearsome beast!! (´；Д；｀)
[Mackerel] Mackerel sent a pic.
Not even a minute later, he was bombarded by seven whole new notifications. Dazai laughed.
He was positive he could try and get at least some little bit of work done this time.
The next day came by quickly, and soon enough Chuuya was once again home.
Or rather, what was left of it.
“ What the fuck?!” Chuuya yelled, probably loud enough to wake up every single one of his neighbors.
The house was a complete mess , Chuuya had to squint to find at least a little part of the floor that wasn’t utterly covered by dirt or even mud. He felt a pang in his chest as he had the terrible realization his expensive furniture now was barely recognizable.
To make matters even worse, in the midst of the mess was Cheddar, his golden and fluffy fur now completely dirtied by mud. Right when Chuuya was about to lose it, he noticed how his little puppy ran around and wagged his tail like nothing was wrong. Goddamnit cute fucker.
Enraged, he made his way toward his and Dazai's room with the goal of directing his rage elsewhere. He was going to fucking kill Dazai.
“Daza—” He stopped.
Chuuya met the sight of Dazai peacefully sleeping while sprawled over his working desk. He looked as if he had worked the entire night.
The noise of Chuuya's entrance was enough to awake Dazai from his slumber.
“Chuuya,” Dazai groggily said and slowly opened his eyes “welcome back.” He tried to wrap his arms around Chuuya's neck, with the intent of hugging him, but the grogginess made him miss and he ended up hugging the air. Dazai had a look of complete betrayal.
This wasn't fair. It really wasn't.
Chuuya was already at his wit's end and he didn't even had the heart to scream his lungs out.
He sighed.
Truly, he was home.
Granted, that day Chuuya did not yell. He thought of a much better and satisfying way to relieve his anger — make Dazai clean every brink of the house while he pleasantly watched with a smug grin plastered on his face, he even got some drinks and snacks, after all, what was better to accompany Dazai's suffering than a cup of expensive wine? This was such great entertainment.
“I’m not seeing this floor shining yet, bastard. Hurry up.” Chuuya took a sip of his wine.
“Chuuya! You sadist! How can you wish for the suffering of a human being as magnificent as myself!” Dazai whined.
“Do you hear something, Cheddar? Maybe it was a mosquito.” Cheddar only barked enthusiastically, as if mocking Dazai.
Dazai ended up, incredibly enough, diligently cleaning most of the floor and furniture. After some time of childish banter and bickering, Chuuya decided to lend a hand and help the hospital waste.
Together, they finished it in no time, and their house was back to normal again. But they still needed to deal with what maybe would be the greatest and hardest obstacle they had yet to face;
Giving Cheddar a bath.
Chuuya had already cleaned some of the dirt on Cheddar’s fur beforehand, but he still was in desperate need of a proper bath. Their little dog smelled like death coming to collect their lives. A death that Dazai did not wish for.
“How did you even fuck up this badly? I've been away for only one day!” Chuuya asked while he looked for the hose.
“For your information, Cheddar can be sneaky. And I was fast asleep!” Dazai defended himself, holding several shampoos for dogs.
“Yeah right.”
“Anyway, there is no use dwelling in the past, correct?” Dazai smiled, exasperated.
Chuuya arched an eyebrow, but ultimately decided to save the interrogation for later, he refused to believe the man he married was this dumb, heck, until the day they met Chuuya had thought he had good taste in men. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.
With everything gathered, Chuuya held Cheddar in one position so he wouldn't try to escape while Dazai washed him.
At least that was the intended plan.
Turns out that holding Cheddar in one place was a worse task than predicted.
Within minutes, Cheddar had somehow escaped Chuuya's grasp and ran straight to a pile of mud.
Chuuya yelled Cheddar's name exasperated. Dazai struggled to contain his own laugh.
“Hey idiot! If you're just gonna stay here laughing at least help?!” Chuuya glared at Dazai.
“No way,” Dazai had a shit eating grin plastered all around his face. Oh if he thought Chuuya wasn't going to punch the hell out of it. “I just bathed, I'm perfectly clean. You solve the dirt part, aren't you the enchanter of dogs, Chuuya?”
Chuuya huffed, “Seems more like I have a knack for domesticating snakes.” He glared at Dazai.
Dazai opened his mouth to retort, but with Chuuya's patience at its limit, Chuuya grabbed one of their garden hoses and completely soaked Dazai's clothes.
Chuuya laughed loudly at Dazai's dumbstruck and completely appalled expression. This sure was his da—
Suddenly, a splash of water interrupted Chuuya's boasting. Dazai stood there, with a garden hose on his hand and the devil's grin on his face.
“Oh you didn’t—”
“I sure did! Hope you enjoy your bath!” He beamed.
That's it. It was war.
Chuuya tried to splash water on Dazai's face again, only for him to avoid it easily like the slippery bastard he was. They hid behind some of their garden's furniture in opposite sides to avoid each other's attacks.
Dazai's counterattack wasn't any better, since it lacked the strength to do any significant damage. Chuuya grinned, proud. There was an opening.
Chuuya diligently landed a hit, but unfortunately it wasn't enough and Dazai was able to attack right back.
They stood face to face to each other, critically analyzing any possible outcomes and finally, at the exact same time, the decisive shots were fired.
Two precise water splashes soaked their faces and hair entirely.
Complete silence took over. They just stared intently at each other’s faces, wide eyed, trying to find out who had won.
Only for them to burst out laughing one minute after the realization that they both looked like drowned rats.
“Chuuya's brain is really the size of a flea’s, isn't it?” Dazai chuckled.
“Look at yourself before speaking, moron.” Chuuya stated, lacking his usual bite.
Although, interrupting the heartwarming scene, at that moment was when Chuuya had finally remembered what the true purpose of all this was.
“Dazai.”
“Yes?”
“Where is Cheddar.”
“Oh.”
They shared an expression of utter horror at the notice of the dog's absence, all the worst case scenarios played back and forth in their minds.
Not so long after, their fears were proven to be the cold hard truth. A trail of mud made its way from their garden to their living room. Panic was setting in.
“Chuuya.”
“What.”
“I told you he was sneaky.”
“Really Dazai, from the bottom of my heart, fuck you.”
Like most of the other dogs, Cheddar was always very full of energy, even if his looked infinite. With that in mind, Chuuya knew that he had to make little Cheddar get tired, or else his furniture would suffer. Even himself and Dazai actively playing with him was not enough to satisfy his demands, it was maddening.
And that's why Chuuya thought taking Cheddar for a walk in the neighborhood would be a good idea, he arranged everything accordingly, bought him a new, neat collar and guide, and, of course, took him to the vet so Cheddar could receive all the necessary vaccines before going out.
Everything went perfectly if it wasn't for Chuuya acting like an overprotective dad every time Cheddar breathed.
“Hey, Dazai, are you sure you're holding the guide right—” Chuuya asked, worry easily to identify in his tone of voice.
“Chuuya, how does one person holds the guide wrongly?” Dazai coldly glared at the idiot in front of him.
“I don't know! Don't ask me! You're the disaster not me.”
Visibly tired of the idiot couple's antics, Cheddar bit his own guide as an indication that he wanted to go for a walk already.
Dazai started to walk ahead while Chuuya locked their house's door. He quickly caught up to the two, and acted as a bodyguard since the worry refused to go away. Dazai just sighed and endured Chuuya's dumbass questions.
Cheddar seemed to really enjoy a good walk, especially when kind strangers stopped by wanting to pet him, to which he rapidly agreed. Known neighbors and some of Chuuya and Dazai's friends such as the Akutagawa brothers or simply Atsushi and Kyouka also occasionally spotted them and happily petted him. Except for Akutagawa, who only looked as Gin petted the dog, obviously wanting to do the same but denying it to keep his cool. That kid needed to be a little more carefree.
Most of the walk went by without any problems, and Chuuya was more than happy to know his little boy was well loved in the neighborhood. But, Chuuya’s favorite part of the walk still had to be when Cheddar started running and ended up dragging Dazai along. Chuuya was positive Dazai had not made any sort of exercise since he was sixteen and in high school, — Actually, Chuuya was pretty sure Dazai used to ditch P.E. classes — so seeing him doing any kind of exercise was completely hilarious.
They walked during the entire afternoon and had pretty much explored all the nearby areas, Chuuya was always cautious since Cheddar had the terrible habit of eating everything in front of him like a goddamn vacuum cleaner.
But of course, something just had to go wrong. God spat on his face in a daily frequency and this time it wasn't going to be any different. The difference being that this time, it made his dog sad. That's the only thing he couldn't forgive. Actually he got pretty mad too when shitty things happened to Dazai but that's not the case and isn't important to be discussed anyway. Fuck him.
Tonight's problem was a classic terror for dogs: Fireworks. Those goddamned fireworks that people probably had some kind of weird fetish for, since the bastards couldn't stop one month without firing some.
A neighbouring some kind of expensive restaurant had decided that it was a good idea to fire these curses in a plain normal day, and the result wasn't pretty. Cheddar was an adventurous dog, he wasn’t afraid of much things, but being his first time on a proper walk of course he was bound to be at least a little tense. The moment the fireworks exploded near them the poor little dog got so startled that he simply didn’t know what to do for a few seconds, before settling for running in the speed of light toward Dazai's legs.
Dazai got down, petted and shushed a trembling and terrified Cheddar gently to calm him down. He truly has gotten way better at dealing with dogs, Chuuya was almost proud.
“Say Chuuya, what do you think of teaching the owner of this restaurant a little, kind lesson?” Dazai smiled devilishly, Chuuya got what he meant almost instantly.
“On it.” Chuuya smiled back.
They dropped by at one of Dazai’s friends house. Apparently it was the white haired boy they used to go to the same school with some years ago. Dazai’s plan was to give Cheddar to him momentarily so they could execute their revenge.
The only thing Chuuya could hear of the...very interesting exchange was simply “Atsushi-kun take care of him! Bye bye!” and a mix of incoherent yelling and “Dazai-san!". Sometimes Chuuya pitied the boy.
Right after they secured Cheddar a good place to stay, Chuuya and Dazai began to make their way to the cursed restaurant.
It felt just like the old times in high school, where Dazai would think of an absurdly elaborate plan or simply a funny one just to kill time and they would execute it perfectly. They were kind of troublemakers back then, but this time it was for the sake of a fair cause. Revenge.
They arrived at their destination, a vegan restaurant. Dazai eagerly examined the surroundings. He was grinning slightly, decidedly excited for what they were about to do.
“Ready, partner?” Dazai asked with a large grin plastered all around his face.
“Obviously, who do you take me for?”
They entered the said restaurant and parted ways. Chuuya wore a pretty standard outfit to not stand out due to his popularity as a musician, he didn't want to cause a ruckus. Yet.
Chuuya saw Dazai accommodate himself in one of the restaurant’s tables while he tried to sneak into the kitchen. Their agreement was that Dazai would ask for vegan meatballs, and just like planned he did.
Due to so many years of sneaking into places that he shouldn't be at — sometimes just for pranks, sometimes for things that were barely legal — Chuuya had dominated the art of sneaking in unnoticed. Yeah, Chuuya's teenage days were kind of wild.
He observed quietly, waiting for Dazai’s dish to be ready for being sent for the waiter. As the exact time came, Chuuya rapidly exchanged the vegan meatballs with actual meatballs and left just as if he weren't there. He had completed his part, now all that was left was wait for Dazai's exaggerated acting and the chaos ensued.
“How dare you!” Dazai slammed his hands on the table “You take me for a fool?!”
Naturally, the scene caught the attention of several customers, who stopped whatever they were doing to see what it was about.
“I-I don't know what you are talking about, sir…” The waiter's voice sounded tiny at Dazai's faux rage.
“This meal isn't what I ordered!” He pointed at the meatballs “You're trying to poison me with...with…” Dazai paused dramatically and made a pained expression “Meat!”
The customers around them, probably moved and fooled by Dazai's stupid over the top acting, collectively gasped and dropped their food.
Chuuya was cracking the fuck up.
“I demand an explanation from the one in charge, now!” Dazai shouted.
The waiters looked helplessly at the amount of people who were beginning to leave the restaurant themselves, and swearing never coming back. The poor waiter who had the terrible luck of being in charge of serving Dazai's meal had no other choice other than comply.
The guy in charge, or rather, how Chuuya decided to call him, Mister Fireworks, approached Dazai and asked what was so wrong, exasperated.
Dazai stepped closer to his face and whispered in his ear, “No more fireworks.”
Mister Fireworks was dumbstruck, he stared at Dazai's face in a mix of confusion and horror.
Dazai smiled at him happily and bid him goodbye, his lips curled into a satisfied smile as he realized more than half of the customers had left.
Chuuya and Dazai's walk toward Atsushi's home was nothing but laughter at the stupid feat they had just accomplished.
“I bet at some point you were just having fun with the poor man's suffering, didn't you?”
Dazai hummed “Perhaps” he laughed “You're not any better, Chuuya.”
“Well… It was funny…”
They retrieved Cheddar safely at Atsushi's home, who at this point was so tired of Dazai's antics he didn't even have any energy to question it anymore.
“What the fuck are you doing.” Chuuya asked, already tired just thinking about which stupid and nonsensical reason Dazai had this time for wrapping their dog with his bandages.
“Oh my dear, cute and innocent Chuuya, I'm making us rich!” Dazai beamed.
Chuuya was way too sober for this, where were his wine bottles again? “I just want to know why you mummified our dog. Can you just, not be weird, for one minute? Would it kill you?”
“Of course Chuuya's pea brain wouldn't get the brilliance of my form of profiting. But since I'm so kind, I'll tell you.” He shifted in the sofa, turning the screen of his laptop in the direction of Chuuya's face.
Chuuya just stared in disbelief at the giant ad that said “Help this little dog get better” with a picture of Cheddar attached, and, of course, a dramatic ass text asking people to send in money for Cheddar's “surgery”.
Apparently, Dazai had spread said post to all his friends, which, for the looks of it, were all dumb enough to fall for such a preposterous lie coming from Dazai.
“Amazing isn't? Kunikida-kun even extended my deadline to finish my book, I can fool around for more two months and get zero work done!”
“You're deceiving people,”
“Precisely”
“I, just—” He massaged his temples “Just please don't get arrested. Have fun.” Chuuya went straight to where his collection of wines were stored. He, indeed, was too sober for this.
And as much as he questioned what the fuck, was wrong with his husband on a daily basis, weirdly enough, he couldn't imagine his life being any different.
Chuuya looked fondly at the idiot in front of him unwrapping the bandages from their dog's body, looking as if he was having the most fun in the world.
He laughed and walked in their direction once again, with a bottle of wine in hand.
“Hey bastard, let me help, you're gonna end up hurting him.”
Dazai gasped, utterly offended “I would never!”
“Sure, sure.”
They spent their days in tranquility, a life that neither of them even dreamed of having, but were glad they attained.