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“Yoonoh, this is Taeyong. He’s going to be walking you to school from now on, okay?”
Yoonoh nodded, refusing to look up from where he had his face buried in his mother’s pant leg. She shared a laugh with the lady whose lawn they were standing on, his mother apologized light-heartedly for his behavior.
“Don’t worry about it,” came the gentle reply. “Moving is hard on children, especially when it’s to an entirely different country. He’ll come around eventually. You’ll be sure not to scare him, won’t you Taeyong?”
Yoonoh finally peeked out from between his chubby hands to look at the other boy who had been standing there silently while their parents spoke. He was taller than Yoonoh, two years older according his mom, and had wide eyes that reminded Yoonoh of the cats that used to wander around his neighborhood back in America.
It made Yoonoh nervous, being underneath that wide-eyed stare.
And then Taeyong smiled.
Big and gummy, his two front teeth missing and his eyes crinkling up into the shape of sunsets.
Yoonoh was in love.
As in love a 10 year old could be anyways.
☀
“Taeyongie hyung!”
“Hey! How was your day, Yoonoh?” Taeyong laughed as Yoonoh barreled into him, almost sending both of them sprawling to the ground.
Yoonoh immediately started up his usual chittering about his day. His Korean was still a bit shaky at times but only when he got too excited, and at the tender age of 12 everything was exciting. Taeyong had gotten used to it enough and would proudly proclaim that he was quite fluent in Jung Yoonoh .
“--and then we got to watch a movie for geography! It was about volcanoes and it was hard to understand what the man was saying at times but it showed volcanoes exploding and stuff and it was super cool!” Yoonoh proceeded to demonstrate how the lava built up and erupted with small, clumsy fingers accompanied by sound effects, feeling absolutely delighted when Taeyong laughed and clapped at his presentation. Yoonoh made the mistake of trying to take fancy bow while continuing to walk and almost tripped over a crack in the sidewalk. Taeyong guffawed, clutching at his stomach, and although a little embarrassed, Yoonoh couldn’t help but join him.
Before no time they had made it home, and as always Taeyong’s house was their first destination, Yoonoh’s only two houses over.
Yoonoh watched Taeyong’s retreating back as he made his way down the front path to his porch, his heart skipping a beat when Taeyong turned right before entering his home to give Yoonoh that bright, gummy smile and a little wave. Yoonoh waved back, his own smile curling the corners of his lips.
“Goodnight, hyung!”
“Goodnight!”
Until tomorrow, when I can see you again.
☀
“Hyung! Wait up!”
“I keep telling you, if you’re not outside by half past, then—“
“You’re leaving without me, I know. I just didn’t think you were serious,” Yoonoh grumbled, slowing his jog to step in time with Taeyong as he finally caught up with him. Taeyong snorted and stuck his hand in Yoonoh’s hair, ruffling it until the younger boy whined and swatted at the offending digits.
“Summer break ended a week ago,” Taeyong admonished. “You should already be getting back on a regular sleeping schedule. Up all night playing video games?”
Yoonoh shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I didn’t over sleep.” He said quietly, hoping Taeyong wouldn’t actually hear him.
Unfortunately for him, only being less than a foot away Taeyong did hear him and raised an eyebrow.
“If you weren’t sleeping then what were you doing?”
Yoonoh didn’t answer.
☀
“Where’s your umbrella?”
“I lost it.”
A sigh. “Come here, you can share mine.”
They walked in silence, something that wasn’t unusual for them, but Yoonoh could feel Taeyong’s concern emanating from him. He knew he had looked pathetic, standing at the school gates, head down and getting drenched by the downpour. Yoonoh refused to make eye contact and kept his eyes to the cement sidewalk, watching the water fly off the toe of his shoes with every forward step he took.
“Whatever it is, you can tell me about it.”
Yoonoh closed his eyes and stopped walking and Taeyong almost stumbled into him but kept the umbrella above their heads. Taeyong wasn’t at all tall for his age but Jaehyun was even smaller. Two years didn’t sound like much of a difference but Yoonoh could see it in the way where at 15, Taeyong’s features were beginning to sharpen, his jaw cutting an impressive angle. Baby fat still clung to Yoonoh’s cheeks and limbs, and he only came up to Taeyong’s shoulder, making the gap between them so much more noticeable. Yoonoh wrapped his arms around his middle, fighting off shivers as the brisk spring wind seeped in through the wet fabric of his uniform jacket.
Taeyong was looking at him expectantly, and Yoonoh toed at the edge of a rippling puddle.
“They took it.”
Out of the corner of his eyes he could see Taeyong’s face slacken in shock and then harden.
“Who took it?”
“My classmates.”
“Why did they take it?”
Yoonoh bit his lip and felt the tell tale burn at the back of his eyes. He pinched his shoulders up up in a half-assed shrug but brought a hand to scrub at his stinging eyes.
“Th-they don’t like me,” Yoonoh hiccuped, rubbing furiously at one of his eyelids with a cold knuckle. “One of the other kids forgot his umbrella so they took mine and gave it to him without asking.”
Taeyong’s voice had softened, barely audible above the constant spattering of rain against the ground around them.
“Why don’t they like you?”
Yoonoh’s lip trembled and he fought hard against the sobs that pushed at his esophagus. “They s-say I act weird; like an American . I thi-think they’re mad because I always get the best scores on our English tests, they tell me that--” He whimpered, eyes squeezing and a few tears slipping free. “They tell me that my Korean sucks and if my English is so much better than theirs maybe I should just go back.”
The sound of the umbrella hitting the pavement was the first thing Yoonoh registered before a thin pair of arms circled around him, holding him tight against an equally thin chest. Yoonoh blinked, hands trapped between them and his heart stuttering in his ribcage. “H-hyung--?”
“They’re wrong. They’re mean and they’re wrong. Your Korean is fine , and you act like you. You’re different from them because of your experiences, but that’s no excuse to bully you.”
Yoonoh spluttered, turning his face into Taeyong’s dampening school jacket, fingers curling and uncurling in embarrassment. “Hyung, I don’t know if it’s bullying --”
“It is!” Taeyong interrupted, Yoonoh had never heard Taeyong sound so mad before, even when Yoonoh was 11 and spilled milk all over his Pokemon cards. “They are bullying you and that’s not fair.”
“...Are you going to tell my mom?” Yoonoh asked quietly, unable to keep the fear out of his voice.
“Is there any reason I shouldn’t?”
Because then she’s going to tell my teacher and if they get in trouble they’re going to be even more mean.
Yoonoh sniffed and pulled away from Taeyong but didn’t get far, the older boy keeping his hands on Yoonoh’s shoulders. They were both now completely soaked but Taeyong looked unbothered, dark irises trained on Yoonoh like there wasn’t rainwater dripping off his nose.
“Let me handle it first, please? I’m...I’ll say something and if it gets worse then I’ll tell my teacher, okay? I just don’t want mom to worry.”
Taeyong seemed to hesitate and Yoonoh reached up to lay one of his hands over Taeyong’s, fingers numb and wet from the the rain. “Please, hyung. Just trust me.”
The older boy pursed his lips but nodded. “Okay, I trust you.” Taeyong brought Yoonoh back in for another hug that he returned weakly before Taeyong scooped up the umbrella again, keeping one arm around Yoonoh’s shoulders and tucking him into his side while they walked the rest of the way home.
“Is this why you’ve been leaving late for school?” Taeyong asked quietly as they stepped onto their street. Yoonoh bobbed his head in affirmation.
“It’s hard to get up to go to school when no one at school wants you there.”
Taeyong huffed.
“Well, you and I are two grades apart so we can’t be in the same class.”
Yoonoh looked up at him confused. “Yeah, so?”
“Meaning we don’t get to see each other at school, and I have cram school to prep for my high school entrance exams on the weekends.”
Where was he going with this?
“So if you stopped walking to school...then I wouldn’t get to see you at all.”
Yoonoh froze, they were in front of Taeyong’s house now, the older boy looking away from Yoonoh to watch rainwater stream into the drain along the side of the road. Yoonoh watched him, taking in the pitch black hair plastered to his forehead, wet fingers squeaking against the plastic the handle of the umbrella held in his white-knuckled grip.
Something warm stirred in Yoonoh’s heart and for the first time that day he gave a small, genuine smile. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Taeyong’s middle, giving a tight squeeze. “You’re right, I’ll see you tomorrow morning, hyung.”
Taeyong’s free arm hooked around his neck in return, mimicking the squeeze and giving one last ruffle to Yoonoh’s wet locks.
“Do you want me to walk you to your place first?” Taeyong offered and Yoonoh shook his head.
“Nah, I’m just going to book it.”
Taeyong laughed and Yoonoh’s stomach fluttered.
“On the count of three?”
“One.”
“Two.”
“ Three! ”
They broke apart, Taeyong sprinting for his porch and Jaehyun jogging down the sidewalk, pausing only to watch Taeyong enter his house, his head poking out to give Jaehyun a big wave and to yell at him to hurry up before he got sick. Yoonoh laughed and waved back, finally beginning his short trek home to the sound of Taeyong’s door closing behind him, ensuring that he was safe inside.
☀
“Hey, Yoonoh!” The boy looked up from his phone as he leaned against the front gates of his school, watching as the group of classmates that had addressed him approached.
“You want to go to the arcade with us?”
Yoonoh shook his head. “Sorry, you guys go ahead. I’m waiting for Taeyong to get here so we can walk home.”
The others all groaned and Yoonoh rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.
“Do you literally have to everyday ? Isn’t he in highschool now anyways, why would he come all the way here to walk home with you?”
“His walk back passes by here so it’s no big deal.”
The other boy eyes him. “That doesn’t explain why --”
“Ah, there he is! See you guys tomorrow!” Yoonoh pushed off the gate and gave mock salute before jogging to meet Taeyong who was just coming down the road. The older boy pulled him in for a one arm hug and ruffled his hair in greeting, making Yoonoh giggle and elbow him in the side. He paid no mind to the burning stares he could feel at his back.
They made easy conversation, Taeyong talking about the science presentation he had to do that morning. Yoonoh watched the way Taeyong’s eyes crinkled when he laughed at his own lack of public speaking skills and the way his lips pursed when he pouted when talking about how useless his group mates were. Taeyong must have asked him something because suddenly their eyes met and Taeyong was waiting, Yoonoh coughed and looked away, asking for Taeyong to repeat himself and the conversation resumed.
☀
Taeyong hiked his bag over his shoulder, eyebrow raised as he closed the door to his house behind him and Yoonoh tried not to fidget too much as Taeyong made his way down the path.
“Up and ready before me? Excited for your first day of highschool?” Taeyong asked with a chuckle as they started to make their way.
Yoonoh shrugged and Taeyong pursed his lips, probably able to feel the nervousness radiating from him.
“Yoonoh--”
“Jaehyun.”
Taeyong looked at him, confusion knitting his brown together. “Jaehyun?”
He nodded, teeth worrying his bottom lip.
Taeyong was silent for a moment and then nodded back, giving an easy smile. “Jaehyun it is.”
The younger boy let out a sigh and Taeyong bumped their shoulders and everything was perfect.
☀
Jaehyun frowned at his phone and the numbers displaying that school had ended 15 minutes ago and that Taeyong was late. He hadn’t sent any texts yet, not wanting to disrupt him if he was talking to a teacher or classmate but Jaehyun had a new game that Taeyong had promised they would play after school and Taeyong usually texted him if he was going to be late.
Just as Jaehyun pulled up their chat log he heard a familiar laugh and looked up to see Taeyong exiting the front doors with someone by his side. He looked like he was in Taeyong’s grade and was saying something that had Taeyong giggling behind his hand, cheeks pink.
Taeyong noticed him and composed himself, giving Jaehyun an apologetic look. “Hey, Jae. Sorry for not texting, I got, uh, held up. This is my, um, friend, he’s going to walk back with us.” He said, looking sheepishly at the taller boy next to him.
“Hi, you must be Jaehyun. I hear a lot about you from Taeyong.” He extended his fist to Jaehyun who weakly bumped it with his own.
The older boy might have introduced himself but Jaehyun didn’t notice, too busy watching the way Taeyong hung on his every word, the easy contact between them as Taeyong shoved at his shoulder when he teased Taeyong. Jaehyun stayed quiet while they walked, staying a step behind the two seniors who were in their own bubble.
Halfway through their walk the other boy split off but not without a hug and some whispered words that had Taeyong blushing all the way to his ears. Jaehyun looked away.
☀
“I’ll see you tomorrow!” Taeyong practically sang, waving at the other boy as he started making his way down his own street. He waved back and winked at Taeyong who grinned and glanced away, giggles escaping behind his delicate fingers.
“Is he your boyfriend?” Jaehyun asked quietly once he was out of earshot and Taeyong’s head whipped around to look at him in shock, the expression quickly morphing into one of nervousness.
“Is...is that okay?”
“Do you like him?”
Taeyong blinked at Jaehyun. “Of course I do.”
“Then of course it’s okay.”
Taeyong gaped at him and Jaehyun turned to continue their walk. He got a couple of paces ahead before Taeyong managed to collect himself, long legs closing the gap between them with ease. His shoulder brushed against Jaehyun’s and something twisted in the younger man’s gut. He stamped the feeling down and chanced a look at Taeyong, the breath stolen from his lungs at the bright grin that was all gums and teeth directed his way. Jaehyun looks away again, feeling the tips of his ears warm and Taeyong laughs. Nothing was said but the message was clear.
Thank you.
No problem.
☀
The sound of the front doors being slammed open made Jaehyun jump from his usual spot outside the gates. Ice formed in his chest as his eyes zeroed in on Taeyong who had emerged from the doorway, head down and hands tight around the strap of his bag across his chest. Jaehyun opened his mouth to call out to him when he saw someone trailing behind him, a now all too familiar face twisted up in exasperation. He seemed to be saying something to Taeyong but the boy didn’t respond, steps quick as he made his way towards the gate and Jaehyun. When Taeyong reached his side the other boy paused, looking back and forth between them in a beat of silence before scoffing and turning away. Jaehyun’s brows furrowed in confusion and he turned to the older boy to question it but before he could even get a word out Taeyong grabbed his hand and started pulling him down the sidewalk. They walked like that for a few minutes, Taeyong’s back to Jaehyun as he lead him away from the school, fingers cold and clammy around Jaehyun’s. Once they turned down another street and the school building was out of sight Taeyong seemed to visibly relax, slowing his pace and letting go of Jaehyun who sidled up beside him, eyes trained on what he could see of Taeyong’s downcast face.
The silence as they walked seemed stark in contrast to the last couple weeks that had been filled with listless chatter between Taeyong and his boyfriend . Jaehyun piped up every now and then, mostly because Taeyong tried his hardest to include him in their conversation. Jaehyun was amicable, to say the least. He never addressed Jaehyun directly and vice versa, Jaehyun knew Taeyong could sense the tension but it was never brought up.
Just like now, the crisp chill of late autumn should have been refreshing, but it felt suffocating with the rigid awkwardness between them that had never existed until now. Even the normal sounds of life seemed muted through the invisible bubble that surrounded them. Jaehyun felt stuffy in his light jacket but he kept it on, knowing that Taeyong might start fussing if he took it off.
Then again, that would have been better than silence.
“We broke up.”
Jaehyun’s breath caught in his throat but he forced his eyes to look ahead and his feet to keep moving. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“He-” Taeyong inhaled deeply through his nose, releasing through his mouth in a frustrated sigh. Jaehyun stopped walking and put a hand on Taeyong’s shoulder to stop him as well.
“You don’t have to explain it. It’s your business.”
“But, don’t you--?”
“Want to know? Kinda, but did he hurt you?”
Taeyong seemed confused by that, head tilting before his eyes widened and he rushed to explain. “ No , no he didn’t hurt me. At least not--” Not physically. Is what Jaehyun imagined Taeyong wanted to say, the pain clear in his watering eyes. A choked sound came out instead and without wasting another second, Jaehyun stopped walking and pulled Taeyong in for a tight hug.
“I’m sorry.”
Taeyong huffed, pushing his face into the space between Jaehyun’s neck and shoulder, wet eyelashes tickling Jaehyun’s skin.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, dummy. I should have known it wasn’t going to last long.”
“Why’s that?”
“People rarely end up staying with their first love.”
A frown tugged at Jaehyun’s lips and he stared at a crack in the sidewalk, the same one that he passed twice a day five days a week as if it could quell the dull ache those words had caused.
Taeyong didn’t show signs of having noticed his lack of response and Jaehyun schooled his expression in time for the elder to pull back, bringing a hand up to wipe at his face.
So close, Taeyong had to tilt his head back to look Jaeyun in the face and realization dawned on Taeyong’s face in a comical widening of his eyes and an amused scoff.
“When did you get so tall, huh?”
While you were busy looking at him .
Jaehyun shrugged. “Maybe you just shrank.”
Taeyong laughed and shoved at Jaehyun’s chest, finally stepping out of Jaehyun’s arms and taking his body heat with him. Jaehyun shoved his hands in his pockets, suddenly feeling cold.
“Come on, let’s go home.”
☀
Taeyong picked up on the third ring.
“Hey! How was school? Make any new friends?-- Jaehyun I can practically hear you rolling your eyes.”
Jaehyun scoffed, slipping his phone into his pocket and cupping a hand over the mic on his earbud when a gust of wind caused a bit of static.
“Hyung, I’ve been in classes with the same people since I came to Korea. Sicheng was the only new kid our grade has had in forever and that was still a year ago. Besides, I should be asking you that, make any cool college friends?”
“Not really but I’m sure I will in time, my roommate is nice, I think you’d really like him actually. He grew up in the states and is here studying abroad now. You both have the same lame sense of humor.”
“Hey, my humor is not lame --”
The faint sound of someone else protesting at the other end of the line at the same time Jaehyun started to defend himself sent Taeyong into a fit of laughter and Jaehyun couldn’t help but join him.
“Is that your brother?” Came a question from who Jaehyun now suspected was the roommate, just loud enough for him to hear. Jaehyun heard a rustling and chuckled, imagining Taeyong shaking his head with his phone held up to his ear.
“Jaehyun? No, we just grew up together, he’s two years younger so he’s still in high school. I have an older sister but that’s it.”
“Ahh, so like the little brother you always wanted?”
Jaehyun held his breath for the split second it took for Taeyong to answer, releasing it in a shaky laugh when Taeyong made a disgusted sound.
“Uh, no thanks , having one sibling is enough for me. I’ve never wanted a brother, Jaehyun and I are best friends.”
Jaehyun paused in his walk to look up at the sky. He watched a few clouds roll by and listened to Taeyong and his roommate chat in the background. Turns out the roommate--Johnny-- was an only child just like Jaehyun and Taeyong was having a time pointing out their similarities.
“But I’m definitely more handsome, right?” Johnny insisted, mostly sounding like he was joking and Jaehyun snorted.
“Yeah, pro-”
“I don’t know, Johnny.” Taeyong hummed, cutting Jaehyun off. “Jaehyun might have you beat.”
Jaehyun was suddenly very grateful that Taeyong was miles away and wasn’t there to see the bright red tinting the shells of his ears. The wind was cool against his warm cheeks, ruffling his bangs and Jaehyun wondered if Taeyong would have thought he was particularly handsome at that moment.
“You almost home, Jae?” Taeyong asked, and Jaehyun smiled, stepping his right foot forward and resuming his walk.
“Yeah.”
☀
“One more picture! Just with Taeyong now, gosh you both look so handsome. Where did the time go?” His mother fussed, adjusting the zoom on her camera as Taeyong stepped closer and huffed as Jaehyun easily slung an arm around his shoulders.
The older man squinted up at Jaehyun who ignored the look, opting to smirk at the camera instead. When Taeyong had arrived earlier that day the first thing he had done was march up to Jaehyun and wrap him up in a hug, the fact that Taeyong had to crane his neck quite far back to look up at Jaehyun had gone unspoken but not unnoticed and Jaehyun knew Taeyong had been pouting about it since.
After picture taking was over his and Taeyong’s moms poured over the cameras viewfinder and cooed while Jaehyun slipped off his grad gown and cap, relieved to be out of the stuffy robe.
“Alright, sweetheart. Taeyong’s father and sister should be done setting up the party soon, you ready to go?”
“You go ahead, mom. Taeyong and I are going to walk home.”
His mother gave him a knowing look and Jaehyun flushed, shooting a glance at Taeyong who was distracted with his phone. Jaehyun leaned over to give her a kiss on the cheek and she chuckled.
“Alright, take your time then. Everything will be ready by the time you get there.”
“Thanks, mom.” He mumbled gratefully. She knew. She always knew.
Their parents went on ahead to the parking lot while Jaehyun and Taeyong stayed behind, greeting a few of Jaehyun’s friends and taking a few more pictures before finally making their way out of the courtyard and to the gates.
“You’re finally done, how does it feel?” Taeyong asked as they stepped onto the sidewalk.
“Like a long time coming.” Jaehyun answered, a little breathless, an excitement humming beneath his skin for more than just his newfound freedom. He tucked his wrapped up robe and grad cap underneath his arm, their pace was relaxed, more like a stroll, as if they were both trying to draw their journey out the most they could. “I know I just got out, but I’m excited to start school up next year.”
Taeyong laughed and Jaehyun’s chest warmed at the clear sound. It had been so long since he had heard it in person and not over the phone or his laptop speaker. Maybe he was feeling a bit bold with the jovial mood, but he decided to voice the words that had been on his mind the whole day.
“I missed you."
It came out quieter than he intended but it was loud enough for Taeyong to hear. Jaehyun looked over to Taeyong when he didn’t get an immediate response, he had expected a shove to the shoulder or even an apology for having not visited more often but what he got instead stole his breath away.
A soft pink tinged Taeyong’s cheeks and he was refusing to meet Jaehyun’s eyes, keeping his gaze resolutely on the path before them. Jaehyun’s heart started to race and he looked forward himself.
Taeyong cleared his throat, his words coming out even softer than Jaehyun’s had. “I missed you too.”
The younger man hummed, trying to keep his tone normal despite the intense happiness bubbling inside of him. “Well, now you’ll be seeing me everyday.”
Jaehyun looked at Taeyong in time to see him huff out a laugh and roll his eyes, that subtle blush still high on his cheek bones.
“Just because we’ll be going to the same school again doesn’t mean we’ll get to see each other everyday like before”
“You mean you won’t be walking me to and from the freshman dorms?” Jaehyun teased and Taeyong snorted.
“You’re a big boy now, Jaehyun. You can walk yourself. Seriously, what were they feeding you while I was away?” He grumbled the last part and Jaehyun grinned, straightening his posture to stand a little taller and Taeyong smacked his arm in retaliation. Jaehyun reached out and grabbed Taeyong’s hand before he could pull it away, lacing their fingers together and bringing them to hang between them. Taeyong jumped, his blush returning full force and Jaehyun could feel his grin widening. Taeyong turned away but didn’t let go, their linked hands swaying as they walked.
The street corner came into sight and Jaehyun’s fingers tightened around Taeyong’s, panicking a bit with the need to make their limited time alone worth it. “Taeyong, I--”
“I won’t be able to walk with you everywhere, and third year is going to be really busy for me.” Taeyong cut in, whether intentionally or not Jaehyun didn’t know, but he snapped his mouth shut to listen. Jaehyun’s heart sank, he knew that and tried not to get his hopes up but it still stung to hear that he might not actually be seeing Taeyong as much as he’d like to.
“But,” Taeyong continued and Jaehyun turned his head to look at him, at the same time Taeyong looked up and they both stilled, their feet sticking to the pavement. Jaehyun’s heart raced with anticipation and Taeyong cleared his throat, their gazes still locked on each other. “But, I’ll make as much time for you as I can. And my door is always open, Johnny won’t mind, he likes you; in fact I think he likes you more than he likes me.” He huffed the last part, a wry smile on his lips. During the numerous calls they had shared while Taeyong was away for two years, Johnny was almost a constant background presence. Jaehyun and Johnny bonded over complaining about Taeyong’s habits and trading stories back and forth much to Taeyong’s chagrin. They were quite similar and Jaehyun was excited to finally meet him.
Johnny was far from Jaehyun’s mind right then, all he could focus on, all he could ever focus on was Taeyong. Taeyong had grown while he was away as well, maybe not in height but his program obviously seemed to have an effect on him. The older man had always been lithe but the rigorous dance classes and the additional working out he’d done had him filling out his soft lavender dress shirt in a way that Jaehyun hadn’t allowed himself to think about quite yet. Jaehyun had bulked up himself, joining the basketball team having much of the same effect but unlike himself, Taeyong hadn’t been very subtle about noticing.
It seemed like he had been silent for too long because Taeyong started to fidget under his gaze, looking down at their joined hands. They were paces away from Taeyong’s house and a little further from Jaehyun’s where they party was probably waiting for them to start, but Jaehyun felt no rush, not with Taeyong’s spindly fingers curled around his own, the three words he truly wants to say teetering on the tip of his tongue looking for the right leverage to spill over.
But then Taeyong peered up at him, lip tucked nervously between his teeth and instead what comes out of Jaehyun’s mouth is a breathless “Can I kiss you?”
Taeyong’s eyes widen and Jaehyun wants to launch himself directly into the sun but before he could possibly come up with a way to save the situation the older boy squeaked out a “Right here on the sidewalk?”
That’s not a no. Jaehyun’s mind helpfully supplied and Jaehyun gaped. A quick glance around confirmed that they were alone of their street but were still out in the open where anyone could see. “Um, well I guess not. Maybe...later?”
They continued to stare at each other until thin giggles pushed past Taeyong’s thin lips, and Jaehyun would have been embarrassed if he hadn’t realized how silly the whole situation was. He started snickering as well and soon enough both of them were doubled over, clutching at each other to stay upright while they laughed. They were interrupted by a call of their names and two boys looked over to see Taeyong’s sister poking her head out of the Jaehyun’s front door, yelling at them to get inside quick.
Their laughter finally died down and Taeyong managed to regain enough breath to tell her they’d be there in a moment. She hesitated but made her way back inside, leaving the door open for them.
Jaehyun wiped tears from his eyes, watching Taeyong whose face was still twisted up in mirth, and Jaehyun’s heart felt lighter than it had in a long time.
☽
“You never answered my question.”
The night air was warm and Taeyong looked comfy sitting out on the porch, the first few buttons of his shirt undone and a mostly full beer bottle dangling from his fingers. The older man looked over his shoulder to where Jaehyun was standing, leaned against the doorway, trying to remain as casual as possible despite the pace of his heart.
Taeyong chuckled and patted the spot next to him, choosing once again not to answer and Jaehyun pouted, pushing off the door frame and closing the entrance behind him before joining Taeyong on the steps. He put a few inches between them but it seems Taeyong had other plans, scooching over and tilting his head to rest on Jaehyun’s arm. Jaehyun resisted the urge to reach up and bury his fingers in the dark locks, though he doubts Taeyong would have minded.
Everyone else has gone off to bed after the celebration was cleaned up. Taeyong had disappeared after finishing up the dishes and Taeyong’s mother had been the one to tell him the older man had gotten a drink and taken it outside. She bade him goodnight before leaving back to her house, a look of knowing just like the one his own mom had given him earlier on her face but accompanied by a wicked little smirk that had Jaehyun flushing up to his ears.
Taeyong was contemplating something. Or at least, the way his fingers tapped listlessly against the neck of his bottle told him. He couldn’t really see Taeyong’s face in this position and Jaehyun was afraid of moving lest he scare Taeyong away.
“Ask me again.”
Jaehyun almost thought he had imagined it, words barely above a whisper. He looked at the crown of Taeyong’s head out of the corner of his eyes, then to his fingers stilled and locked around tinted glass.
Drawing in a measured breath, Jaehyun asked again. “Can I kiss you?”
“Why?”
A crease formed in between Jaehyun’s eyebrows. “Why? Because I li- Oh .”
“Oh.”
Taeyong drew away from Jaehyun’s shoulder and he took the chance to face him properly, the porch lights were off and the moonlight was the only thing illuminating them, but Jaehyun felt like he’d never seen the other clearer. Taeyong brought his beer bottle to his mouth but didn’t drink. “For how long?”
Jaehyun shrugged, eyes fixated on the tip of the bottle resting on Taeyong’s lower lip. “Forever.”
Taeyong gave him an incredulous look but when he was met with nothing but Jaehyun’s honest stare, he faltered, letting out another, softer “Oh.”
It made Jaehyun’s heart drop into his stomach. That was not how he wanted this to go. In fact, Jaehyun never really had considered it happening in the first place. With Taeyong gone for two years, only visiting during a few holidays, he had a lot of time to asses his feelings for the older man. He had all but given up on any notion that Taeyong might feel anything more than friendship between them and was prepared to deal with that. That was until today.
It appeared he had been right not to expect anything however, with the way Taeyong couldn’t look at him now. Jaehyun sighed and made to stand up, an apology on his lips but a hand on his shoulder stopped him before he could.
Taeyong’s lips were pursed in the way when he had something he wanted to say but couldn’t figure out how to say it, and Jaehyun waited patiently for him to find the right words.
“Again.” Is the muttered response Taeyong gave and Jaehyun was confused until he saw Taeyong’s tongue dart out to wet his lips. Time felt like it had stopped, the night scene around them devoid of even the sounds of crickets chirping.
Jaehyun swallowed a lump in his throat, his palms resting cautiously on his own thighs. “Can I kiss you?” He asked for the third time, and is finally answered with a curt nod, the simple gesture enough to have Jaehyun’s heart feel like it was going to beat right out of his chest.
He wanted to be patient, he really did, but he waited a long time for his moment and couldn’t help but reach up to cup both of Taeyong’s cheeks, tilting his head up to meet his gaze, their faces inching closer.
It’s because of this eagerness that Jaehyun froze up, mere millimeters apart and anxiously locked in place. Taeyong is the one to close the distance, making an impatient sound and surging forward, finally pressing their lips together in a firm kiss.
It was clumsy, and not Jaehyun’s first, but it sent sparks shooting through his whole body until his fingertips still caressing Taeyong’s cheeks went numb with the feeling. His mind was blissfully blank, how soft Taeyong’s lips were the only thing he could process.
Taeyong was the first one to pull back as well and Jaehyun tried to chase his mouth with his own but Taeyong laughed, his free hand coming up to lay over Jaehyun’s lips, muffling a short whine from the younger man. “Hey, hold on there, stud. You just confessed, take it slow.” They both paused at that, an unspoken question hanging between them. Taeyong didn’t remove his hand and Jaehyun didn’t pull away, the cool fingers pressed into his cheeks a refreshing contrast to against his heated skin.
“I think I do too, like you, I mean. I might have for a while but I didn’t... I never really--” Jaehyun wanted to shush him and tell him it was okay, that they could figure it out together but Taeyong could tell he wanted to say something and pressed his hand more firmly over Jaehyun’s mouth as a silent request to let him finish.
“It might take me a little bit of time to catch up to you,” Taeyong drew in a steady breath, a small smile curving his cheeks. “But if you’re willing to wait a little bit, I’m sure I’ll get there.”
Jaehyun’s answer was caught between Taeyong’s fingers and the older man apologized and finally removed his hand but Jaehyun caught it between both of his own before it could retreat further.
“I can. I will.” He said, sincerity ringing as clear as day despite the darkness that surrounded them. He had waited for years, he could wait for as long was needed.
His smile matched Taeyong’s and they silently leaned forward, lips meeting once again, this time gentler than the last. It was a tad bit early for the thought, but Jaehyun truly didn’t think he’d ever get tired of kissing Taeyong for as long as the older man would keep letting him.
They didn’t stray far after parting, their foreheads pressed together, noses brushing. It felt unreal, after coming to terms with himself. Like he might open his eyes any moment and everything had been a dream, it wouldn’t have been the first time.
“I can hear you thinking.” Taeyong muttered and Jaehyun mumbled an apology to which Taeyong waved off with a chuckle, tilting his chin to whisper their lips together and send shivers throughout Jaehyun’s body. “Hey, walk me home?”
Jaehyun squeezed Taeyong’s hand, despite the dim lights of the street lamps and the clouds rolling over the moon, the path ahead of them feeling a lot brighter. “Of course.”