Chapter Text
A few weeks ago, you’d set some traps to catch the rats that were nibbling at your food. Humane ones, of course, you couldn’t blame the things for needing to eat. It was the dead of winter, some nights reached below freezing, whatever was eating your cereal and stealing hershey kisses from your counter was obviously hungry, but whatever it was, it couldn’t live on that for long.
You got up on Saturday morning, groggy and half-asleep after a long night of video games and fun with your online friends. Your morning routine was lackluster- get up, brush your teeth, piss, it was all normal stuff. You were already making a pot of coffee when you remembered to check the rat traps.
You moved the trash can out from the wall a little and found… a couple of things that were definitely not rats.
There was a Spades bitty trapped in the little cage you’d set up, and a Chomper bitty guarding it with what appeared to be an axe made of a pointed stone.
The little reptilian bitty jumped when you came into view, but held up the axe and swung it threateningly at you.
“Get lost, asshole!” she cried, cowering against the metal of the trap. The Spades bitty inside was clutching the bars and staring up at you. Well, you assumed- it wasn’t like the thing had eyes.
It took you a second to comprehend what was happening. In the span of that time, the little Chomper ran forward with reckless abandon and swung the axe into your toe.
“Ow, hey!” you yelped, jerking your foot back away from her. She retreated at once, still growling. Your poor tootsie was going to have a bruise, that axe wasn’t really that sharp but it certainly wasn’t something to joke around about!
“Let him go, you big human turd!” the bitty demanded. “You stupid, evil…” she mumbled as you got down on all fours to be closer to the things, mindful of where you put your fingers, because you didn’t want anything broken by the belligerent little thing.
She was a mess. Though putting on an angry facade, she was shaking badly, the one eye you could see through her hair wide and scared.
The Spades bitty, on the other hand…
“H...hi!” he said after a beat of silence. He was so tiny- maybe three inches, compared to the Chomper’s possible five. Like a little rubber bouncy ball with some added appendages.
“Lancer, shh!” the Chomper scolded.
“Hi,” you greeted in return, ignoring the angry purple bitty's words as you tilted your head. “Uhm… how’d you get in the trap, little dude?”
“There was cheese in it and I was hungry,” he explained, his voice high with nerves but otherwise strangely calm. He was so round and silly-looking, with that onion-shaped head, you couldn’t help but smile.
“Lancer, stop talking to the enemy!”
"But-!"
"No buts!!"
“I’m, uh… not the enemy? I didn’t realize it was a couple of bitties stealing my food… thought you guys were rats or something.” you tried to explain, but the Chomper shook her head.
“If you’re not the enemy then let him go and leave us alone!”
You hesitated, because something inside of you wanted to try and reason with the bitty further, but eventually you sighed.
“Okay. I’ll let him go, just don’t hit me with that axe, okay?”
“Mm,” the bitty grumbled, hefting it over her shoulder.
You reached out and gently opened the door to the cage. The Spades bitty- Lancer?- smiled as the door opened and skipped out. The other was quick to grab his tiny little hand and bolt, practically dragging the bitty along as they ran away.
You let them go as you sat back on your ass and watched the tiny duo disappear behind the fridge.
Well that was one way to start your morning.