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The thing about hospital doors is that they never actually muffle any sound. Metaphorically and literally.
“So he woke up about three hours ago. Threw one hell of a fit but he’s calmed down now.”
“Oh thank god… can I see him now?”
“Of course. But keep in mind that we still don’t know how much he remembers. His parents are still on their way here.”
“Ah...right”
“Hoseok...do you need me to go in with you?”
“Yeah- no. Uh...just- maybe a little later? I’ll call you.”
“Sure. I’ll be right here.”
“Thanks, Joon.”
The room is clean, but not a good clean that makes one relax and think this is home. Rather, a clean that’s too clean, everything bitten and burned by chemicals - too clean to be someone’s home and it’s unsettling.
Yoongi drags his eyes around lazily from the window near his bed to the TV on the wall facing him, still trying to figure out how he got here (he was pretty sure he worked it out a few seconds ago). He then turns to a very flustered-looking boy at the door. He takes the way his heart picks up its rhythm as a sign of excitement to see someone, and he can feel it bloom as the boy’s feature slowly comes into full view. Oh, Yoongi knows him.
“Hoseok.” The way the boy’s face brightens and his eyes widen at the mention of his name is oddly familiar. He takes a few more steps into the room.
“Yoongi hyung,” He starts with a slight tremble in his speech, “you remember me?”
“Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?”
“Ah, hyung...” The boy’s lips curve up to his eyes that seem glassy from beads of tears welling. He shuffles closer to the side of the bed. “I’m so relieved.”
“We’ve been best friends for like what? six years? I can’t forget you even if I wanted to.” Yoongi feels a smile tug at the corner of his mouth, has it been so long since he last smiled? Where is he again?
Hoseok’s smile, on the other hand, seems to have faded from his face at that. He visibly freezes halfway through his trip across the room to Yoongi and clears his throat.
Outside, Namjoon jumps at the sudden slam of the door and stands up as soon as Hoseok throws himself against the wall, hiding his face between his arms, his shoulders vividly shaking.
“What happened? Does he not remember you?” A warm hand rests on Hoseok’s shoulder.
“No..he remembers me” Hoseok utters out, his trembling voice muffled by the wall.
“That's good! What's wrong then?”
“He...shit” Hoseok pushes himself off the wall and roughly wipes his eyes with his arm. His face is red and puffed when he turns to his friend, “he doesn't remember us.”
△
How terrifying is it to lose a whole portion of your life? The earliest memory Yoongi can recall is the new year in his first year in college, a night too loud and too bright for it to even qualify as a night. The night where he didn’t go home and instead ordered fried chicken before jogging to a college dorm and knocking on the door.
Oh right, that was Hoseok’s place.
It was the night where the two of them just stuffed their faces with food while the colors and sounds and basically everything else in the world swept by.
Now, however - now he’s in therapy to deal with the trauma from some accident he doesn’t even remember and doesn’t want to know. He remembers very vaguely about people, probably doctors, asking for the date and his age and about recent news, but it all slips away as soon as he closes his eyes.
How can he pick up all of himself to start again when he doesn’t even know what he’s picking up? They’re not just small crumbs from a cookie, they’re buildings and broken pavements and broken people -
Yoongi has forgotten the last three years of his life.
Three fucking years.
He missed three birthdays, plenty of other people’s birthdays, three new years celebrations, years of university and music and all the things his body had experienced and felt but his mind just decided to fuck it and throw it all away. All the things he has probably done but can’t remember, like perhaps he has finished all the Netflix series he wanted to watch, written and composed songs that he actually liked. Hell, he could have figured out his sexuality or something, But He Doesn’t Fucking Remember.
It’s interesting to meet the different people who supposedly had a role in his life. Other than Hoseok, he recognizes his parents at least, but everyone else seems like a too faint memory, like a diluted stroke of color on white paper. The tall guy with the weird bruise on his face who always seems to be with Hoseok, for example.
For the first week, Yoongi wakes up to a blank mind, immediately rushing into a panic every time he wakes up into a new room that he’s never been in before, pushing himself around until Hoseok rushes through the door to help calm him down, followed by more people running into the room. The room’s not new, apparently, but he also doesn’t even realize that he’s been in here for almost a week.
The day he gets discharged is almost thrilling. Yoongi could remember a few names and faces and little information for longer without losing them in his sleep. He’s told that it’s best for him to go back to living his usual life in order to get things moving along again and sure, he can do that.
Apparently, his usual life starts with his apartment that he apparently shares with Hoseok.
“We share most of the food and stuff so we usually take turns getting the groceries.” Hoseok hums as he wanders deeper into the apartment, Yoongi shuffling behind him. “Most of your stuff is black so that should help” he giggles to himself himself as he opens the closet to show Yoongi the line of clothes fading like a gradient from vivid colors (presumably Hoseok’s clothes) to gray and then black sweaters and ripped jeans and some flannels. If Yoongi still dresses the same way three years later, he’ll probably dress the same for the rest of his life at this rate.
Hoseok laughs again for no apparent reason and it’s almost suspicious. He’d giggle and laugh and joke around but the way his eyes shift around seems almost like he’s avoiding looking at Yoongi directly. Even now, he seems fidgety, like he doesn’t know where to look.
Saved by the bell, they say, and Hoseok is literally saved by a ring of the doorbell as he scrambles from the bedroom to answer it like he’s trying to escape.
Yoongi can't clearly see who's at the door with Hoseok in front of them, but the feminine voice catches him by surprise.
“Is he here? I got you guys real food.”
“Yeah, hyung’s here. Is that bread?
“Don't tell me you haven't eaten in so long that you forgot what bread looks like- oh Yoongi, hi!”
Hoseok turns from the front door and a very familiar girl comes into view. She waves diligently at Yoongi with an almost too bright smile, her teeth arranged in a pretty row with braces reflecting off the light, brightening her face further, highlighting the tip of her nose and her round cheekbones. The wool hat she's wearing pushes the tips of her ears down into this endearing, elven shape and she looks almost unreal. Yoongi feels an unusually familiar bloom in his chest, the different rhythm his heart takes doesn't go unnoticed. He's definitely seen her before, but what role does she play in his life?
The both of them seem to notice how Yoongi freezes in his place. Hoseok seems almost concerned.
“Noona, he-”
“Oh right, yeah. It's me, Dawon. I'm Hoseok's sister.” She smiles again, “We used to talk a lot.”
Another faint reminiscence hits Yoongi with enough impact for him to take notice.
He's looking at his crush.
Right?
She looks impossibly similar to Hoseok, just smaller and rounder on the edges. Like a female version of him, almost.
She’s very pretty.
“Hyung?” Hoseok’s voice pulls Yoongi back from the trance he was put in. Hoseok's brows are furrowed in concern when he faces him. This is the first time he has looked at Hoseok directly after entering the apartment and there’s another tug at Yoongi’s heart.
Now that’s unusual.
Yoongi doesn’t know if he’s gay or not, as weird as it may sound. He remembers having the confusion cloud his whole life from high school to adulthood. Perhaps he has figured it out but it’s lost along with the three years that has fractured and dissolved from his mind.
A tentative hand reaches to brush his forearm and he startles back to the present. Hoseok immediately pulls his hand back and his eyes cast back down to the floor. “Hyung.” He repeats. Right, Yoongi hasn’t responded to him. “My sister bought us some food for dinner. Are you hungry? Or have you already had something from the hospital?”
“I’m not that hungry, but I’ll eat.” Yoongi murmurs. “Will uh- will your sister be joining us?”
They both turn at the question and it’s almost comical how much they look alike.
“Oh uh,” Dawon clears her throat. “I have to go somewhere after this. Sorry Yoon, maybe next time.” She smiles as she heads back to the door.
“Oh, alright. Yeah.” Yoongi sounds disappointed, but there’s something odd about the tone. There’s something almost artificial to it that he can’t quite name, like he does feel disappointed that he won’t have dinner with her, but not as disappointed as he should feel. Hoseok seems to pick up on the shift but doesn’t comment on it.
It’s silent when Hoseok closes the door behind him to walk Dawon down the building but they seem have paused in front of the door. Yoongi doesn’t mean to eavesdrop, but the door does so little to muffle their conversation from outside, and the scrabbling sounds of the plastic bag are too small to fully distract him as he digs through its contents.
“I didn’t expect that.” He can hear a feminine voice, Dawon’s.
“Me neither.” Hoseok murmurs. The last part of the sentence breaks off into a whisper.
It’s odd, Yoongi thinks. He remembers hearing the same tone, the same pattern behind the closed doors of the hospital between Hoseok and his tall friend.
“...Have you told him?” Dawon’s voice rings up again, a bit hesitant.
“No...it’s not that important.”
“Not that- Hoseok!” Dawon suddenly cuts herself off, as if suddenly hyper-aware that she’s being too loud. “Hoseok,” She repeats herself, softer this time, “don’t lie to yourself, you know it’s important. You’ll tell him, right?”
“...Yeah. Yeah, I will.” Hoseok mutters. “I just have to find a chance to hit him with it. It’s n- it’s a big thing. I don’t think he’d expect it.”
“Yeah, I get that.” Dawon’s tone softens, almost solemnly. “But you have to tell him, alright?”
Hoseok’s sigh is loud and long. “Yes.”
Yoongi can hear a soft patting sound before Dawon’s voice comes up again. “Don’t forget to take care of yourself too. Call your friends if you need, that’d help. Or call me. The bread’s for breakfast by the way, so expect me to shout my lungs out at you if you eat it now.”
“Thank you, noona.”
Yoongi debates prodding Hoseok about whatever that was or telling him the walls here are really thin, or just drop it. He goes for the third option when Hoseok re-enters the apartment, the expression his face has soaked up a small, solemn one.
Screw that third option, Yoongi thinks before he asks, “Are you alright?”
Hoseok’s eyes widen at the question. “Me? Yeah, I’m fine. Did you heat up the food?”
“Yeah, it’s not like I forgot how to use kitchen appliances.” and then Hoseok laughs, or rather, chuckled dryly, but he’s smiling, a little smile wider than the ones he’s given since Yoongi has come home. The widest, brightest, happiest one had to be the one he gave Yoongi at the foot of the hospital bed when his name was called.
That was a nice smile.
Memories of it start to fade as he looks at the Hoseok now, whose mouth seems to be concretely turned slightly downwards in a little pout as he digs through his rice.
The things Yoongi would do to see it again.
Why is Yoongi so desperate to see it again?
“I don’t know if they’ve told you, but you have a few months off before you get back to work.” Hoseok murmurs as he clears the dishes from the table.
“Oh.” Is all Yoongi can say. “No, they haven’t told me.”
The sink runs, the sound of water streaming and hitting the surface of the dishes fill the empty parts of the room. “You have the therapy session in the morning, and then Jin-hyung and Jungkook want to take you around.”
“I feel like I recognize the names, but I don’t really remember.” Yoongi scratches the back of his head. It’s frustrating in a way, like everything is just at the tip of his tongue, waiting for him to rediscover, even though that’s almost impossible, according to the doctor.
“They uh- You’ve known them for a few years. Jin-hyung visited you at the hospital on Tuesday and Kook visited you on Friday.” The dishes clatter onto the drying rack and Hoseok towels his hands dry. “You like them. Love them. You’ll be fine.”
“You won’t be there too?” Yoongi looks up from the table.
“Me? I’m going to the session with you but we planned on letting you spend time with the others.”
“Can’t you come with me too? They’re your friends too, right?”
Hoseok freezes at the question but turns around to face him, “Well I don’t really have plans for tomorrow, so I guess I can? If you want me to?”
“Yeah, I’d like that.”
“Ok then. I guess I can go with you.” Hoseok murmurs. “You can shower first, hyung. The bathroom’s next to the bedroom.” There’s a shaky undertone to Hoseok’s voice. “Your toothbrush is black. Mine’s green.”
“Got it.” Yoongi pushes himself up from his chair. “Thank you, Seok-ah.”
Hoseok’s movements come to the halt at the mention of the nickname, but waves it off and smiles a crooked little smile.
It’s a good feeling to wash all the hospital smell off of him. Hours of testing, of asking questions for recall, of the smelly couch at the therapist washes off as the warm water trickles down his back. They completely disappear as the smell of soap and shampoo fuses into the damp air and it’s a comfortable smell.
This was what was missing when he was in that hospital bed, surrounded by white walls and chemically clean floors - Home.
And home - well - home smells oddly like Hoseok.
As Yoongi feel his tense muscles relax to the smell of home, he could hear a soft murmuring beyond the shower walls. Hoseok is on the phone with someone probably close to him with how softly he’s speaking. Yoongi can’t really make out what exactly he’s saying, but he manages to pick up on words like ‘fine’, ‘tomorrow’, and ‘him.’
Hoseok probably finds comfort in whoever he’s talking to, the tone he’s speaking in isn’t shaky or breathless like when he talks to Yoongi. He finds himself relaxing to the muted sounds of Hoseok’s voice, almost like a little sing-song cutting through the soundscape the shower has created from the water hitting the tile floors and the way it echoes in the room.
Everything is still too confusing, with too many questions and too little answers, and answers that don’t belong to his questions which lead more questions in the process. He doesn’t know why Hoseok seems so jumpy and tense with him, and he can only hope that Hoseok will settle down more as things gradually go back to how they used to be, and he’ll talk to Yoongi in that soft, relaxed tone that he’s using to talk to the person on the other end of the call. He wonders who it is, and the answer arrives all too quickly.
“Yeah. Thanks, Joon. I know.” Hoseok’s voice is clearer now that the shower has stopped. “Of course, please. I kinda really need you right now. Yeah. See you then.”
Hoseok’s phone is back in his pocket as he sits on the bed by the time Yoongi steps out of the bathroom in his pajamas. The younger boy greets him with a smile less strained and calmer than before. It seems like whatever Namjoon said helped him calm down a little.
“Were you talking to someone?” Yoongi asks despite knowing the answer already.
“Ah, yeah.” Hoseok clears his throat. “Namjoon. My friend. Your friend. You guys met at work about three years ago.”
“I see.” Yoongi nods. “Are you guys- do you like him?”
Yoongi isn’t sure what made him ask that, perhaps it’s because of how Hoseok seems to rely on Namjoon a lot, what with his presence near Hoseok at the hospital and here in their home, verbally.
Hoseok came out to him around the final year of high school and Yoongi would listen to him go on and on about one of the guys in class or outside of school. He doesn’t mind, not at all. He’s almost jealous that Hoseok has got his orientation figured out so soon, whereas Yoongi is still stuck in this little whirlpool, going through the same paths again and again and not progressing anywhere.
Hoseok is silent for a while before he opens his mouth to talk again, a bit hesitant. “I- yeah. He’s like my best friend.”
Huh. “I thought we were best friends.”
The younger boy jumps at the remark. “Oh I mean- yeah. Yeah, we are.” He rubs the back of his neck, eyes diverting down to his own lap. “It’s getting late, hyung. You should get some rest.”
Yoongi decides to not comment on the gesture or the hesitance in all of Hoseok’s words - for now, anyway, because something else has caught his attention.
“Whose room is this again?” His eyes shift behind Hoseok to the fairly large bed he’s sitting on, with two pillows at the headboard and a side drawer on both sides. The closet of their shared clothes is also in this room. Everything seems to have been furnished for two people.
If Hoseok has been looking jumpy all day today, then this was the moment where he seems to downright panic. He suddenly whips his head around, quickly scanning the room and looking back at Yoongi like a deer caught in the headlights. He sputters as he immediately springs up, shoulders hunched to his ears.
“Ah, this- it’s your room! Yeah.” He turns back to glance at the bed for a second, “You fell off the bed once because you were rolling around so much so you just bought a really large one so there’s no way you can fall off. Smart move.” He laughs as he slowly steps towards the door.
“Where’s your room then?”
Hoseok’s hand is already on the doorknob. “I uh- I sleep on the couch. This apartment is technically yours, I’m just paying a bit of the rent.” He shuffles out until half his body is outside of the room. “It’s late, we can talk more tomorrow. Night hyung.”
And Hoseok is gone before Yoongi could even answer.
The way Hoseok is acting is a bit frustrating, like a child hiding a large doll behind his back which comes to no avail because the doll is huge enough that one can see it from the front. What’s even more frustrating is the fact that Yoongi still doesn’t know what he’s hiding. He slumps onto the bed.
It’s warm, comfortable, and smells oddly like Hoseok - like home, somehow. Yoongi tries stacking the two pillows on top of each other but it doesn’t feel all that comfortable, so he has no idea as to why he’d had bought such a huge bed with two pillows.
The ceiling is empty so his eyes have nowhere to focus on, opening an opportunity for his thoughts to be projected onto them like a canvas.
His mind projects Hoseok - the thought of him curling up alone on the couch, hugging onto one of the throw pillows and resting his feet on the other end.
It’s odd to have forgotten the gradual shift from teenage to adulthood, Hoseok looks pretty much the same but there’s a different air to him, with his side profile and the slope of his nose and his hair and his cheeks. There’s a change that made Yoongi stare differently from how he used to.
Could it be- no, right? Because there’s Dawon.
Dawon, who has the same side profile and slope of nose and cheeks. Yoongi likes Dawon, wonders when he’d get to see her again. Wonders if Hoseok knows he likes Dawon, if it’d be weird for him if his best friend has a crush on his sister.
Hoseok.
That’s the last thought Yoongi has before he drifts away to sleep.
△
Yoongi was given the option to be told the details of the accident, but he refused.
He refused because he wants to go back to his normal life (that he may not understand at first as he has forgotten), and an accident bad enough to knock three years out of his brain would certainly make that an even bigger challenge for him. He also refused because of how Hoseok seems to wince and gloom every time the word “accident” is mentioned, how just the thought of it seems to suck out all the colors from his rosy cheeks. Yoongi doesn’t know exactly why Hoseok seems so involved in the whole thing as (technically) an outsider, but he probably wouldn’t want to hear about it again.
This leads to Yoongi going to therapy for an accident he doesn’t know of, and the therapist telling him how to get his life back together with his shattered little pieces.
Even Hoseok has to talk to her for some reasons, as Yoongi waits for him at the front. He comes out with a sorrowful rainy cloud above his head but tries to flush it away as soon as he reaches Yoongi. He doesn’t ask Hoseok about the conversation he had with the therapist, as curious as he may be.
Seokjin and Jungkook are a bit quiet at first, a bit hesitant, the younger boy looking like he’s trying not to cry as he walks with Yoongi around the streets, smiling and trying to gloss over the fact that a close friend had forgotten him and all the memories that they’ve shared.
It doesn’t get comfortable until Hoseok laughs at one of Seokjin’s terrible jokes. He may not recognize them entirely, but he doesn’t feel uneasy around them, so that should be enough of an indication that Hoseok is right and Yoongi does like them. He gives Jungkook a hug before they separate in the afternoon.
The walk to the subway station with Hoseok in silent until a familiar voice chirps from behind them.
“Look who’s here!” Dawon pushes up her sunglasses as she brings a hand to Hoseok’s shoulder. “On a little date, are we?”
Hoseok gives Dawon a look and she snaps her mouth shut before she turns to Yoongi and greets him. “How are you feeling, Yoongi?”
This is his crush. Right.
“I’m alright.” He utters out. This is his crush. He likes her.
“Did you guys eat the stuff I got you? Oh wait hold on Yoongi, you’ve got something here.” Dawon brings her hand up to Yoongi’s head, slender fingers curling through his hair until she draws back a stray leaf from one of the trees decorating the sidewalk. “There we go.” Hoseok doesn’t comment on it.
This is his crush. She just touched him. Lucky.
“I gotta go now.” Dawon glances at her watch. “Take care of yourself, okay? You too, Hoseok.” She runs a hand through his hair before she shuffles away to the opposite direction.
He meets Jimin and Taehyung the next day at a little cafe that Taehyung claimed he liked. He’s not wrong, so far.
Like yesterday, it starts off a little awkward, none of them knowing what to say exactly until Hoseok, with the magic of his being, breaks the dam of silence and gets the river flowing. Yoongi can see why Hoseok had said he adored them.
He notices the little gestures. The way Jimin clutches Taehyung’s shaking hands as they talk or how he brings his hand up to rub the other boy’s arms every now and then to soothe him. It’s not easy for both sides to go through an incident like this but they’re all trying.
The care and warmth and affection that comes with the little touches seems to poke at Yoongi, so much so that he almost unconsciously brings his hand to cover Hoseok’s on the table before he catches himself and folds it in his lap. A warm heat rising up his cheeks every time Hoseok turns around to look at him.
It’s nothing, right?
The thought keeps him awake at night sometimes until it’s so late that he can hear Hoseok talking to Namjoon on the phone, sobbing. He once tried coming out to see if the younger is alright, but Hoseok would just jump and immediately try to wipe his tears off with his arm and pretend to smile, asking if he’s having trouble sleeping or if he’s hungry. He did it so often that Yoongi figures it’d be better if he just let the two of them clear something up without him intercepting. Perhaps part of him just - just wishes that he could be there for him too, with whatever he’s currently going through. He wishes he could be as close to Hoseok as Hoseok is to Namjoon.
But he can only wish and hope, with no idea how he could achieve it as he sinks into his pillow.
△
Yoongi is starting to have his suspicions about a week into living his “ordinary life”.
He tries (keyword: tries) to pay no mind to the sight of Hoseok curling against Namjoon on the couch when he’s invited over for movies. He doesn’t comment when he walks into the kitchen in the middle of the night to see them sitting opposite to each other on the stools. Hoseok doesn’t call Namjoon at night anymore, the guy just comes over.
What really fired Yoongi’s suspicion is when he rummages through one of the side drawers and finds condoms.
“Have you been… using the bed?” Yoongi tries to subtly throw the question to Hoseok’s way during their trip to the therapist. The air has gotten clearer now and Hoseok is not as cautious as he used to be for the past week.
“No. Why would I use your bed, hyung?” Hoseok cocks his head to the side in question as they cross the road.
“Nothing.” Yoongi clears his throat. “Namjoon also hasn’t… has he?”
Hoseok sighs. “I know Joon is over a lot, but I promise he never went into your room, let alone your bed, okay? Hand on heart. Never.” He plops down on his usual seat when they enter the therapist’s office. “I’ll be waiting out here but there might be a change of plan. Otherwise, I’ll see you at home.” He smiles, a genuine one. Yoongi feels warmer and cozier as he enters the room.
During these sessions, he usually talks about Hoseok or the things he’s been doing, the people he’s been meeting and talking to. Sometimes the therapist would divert his attention back to Hoseok and ask questions about him which is odd but Yoongi doesn’t mind talking about Hoseok at all.
When he leaves the room he’s welcomed by Namjoon, who springs up from his seat and slings his usual postman’s bag over his shoulder as he approaches Yoongi with a little smile that’s different from Hoseok’s, but still kind nevertheless. His bruise is still visible, but it has faded considerably since the last time Yoongi has seen him. He’s curious about its origins but holds himself back as it may embarrass the younger boy.
“Hoseok had to go somewhere so I came to walk you back.” He tells him. “Not that you need to be walked back, I just thought you might want some company.”
Yoongi still doesn’t know how he feels about Namjoon, he hasn’t settled on what to feel. It’s nice to see Hoseok finding consolation through his presence and he does seem happy with Namjoon, and that makes Yoongi glad to see too. Although, sometimes he’d feel an odd drop in his stomach, a peculiar clench in his hands and jaw whenever Hoseok would shift a little closer to Namjoon on the couch or when Yoongi comes home to see them together.
Well, that doesn’t make any sense, does it?
Why does he care about what they are or what they do? Why is it any of his business and why does he feel weird about it?
It’s then that Yoongi realizes that he’s been standing still, muted for the past minute and Namjoon is starting to look concerned. He shakes the questions away and replies, “Yeah, that’d be nice. Thank you.”
Silence follows the two of them at the heels for the first few minutes, crossing the road and up the pavement before Namjoon clears his throat.
“So,” he starts “how have you been doing?”
“Fine, I think,” Yoongi replies, kicking at a pebble. Namjoon’s eyes follow the motion but he doesn’t comment on it. “I’m still a bit confused on some things though. Relationships and all that.”
Namjoon hums. “Has Hoseok told you everything?” When Yoongi turns to look at him, he’s staring off into the distance, as if trying to find something his eyes could focus on to ease the delivery of the question. “Like...everything?”
“He’s told me a few things here and there, but we’ve never properly sat down and talked. I guess he wanted me to rediscover things myself, but it’s not that easy.”
“I see.” Namjoon murmurs. “I think you two should do that. I think it’d make Hoseok feel better too.”
“I’ve been meaning to ask this for a while, but what’s wrong with Hoseok? Did something happen other than this?”
Namjoon’s footsteps seem to drag slower on the pavement as if he had almost come to a halt but pushed himself to keep walking. “No, but you should ask him yourself. I think he’d appreciate that.”
They soon arrive at the foot of Yoongi and Hoseok’s apartment and they part with a question from Namjoon, “You...you care about Hoseok. Right?”
Yoongi didn’t expect this kind of question, nor did he expect the hesitance in Namjoon’s shaky words, almost afraid of hearing the answer, but
“Yeah.” Yoongi nods. “Of course I do.”
△
It wasn’t until Yoongi had gone out with Jimin and Taehyung again that they had the talk. It wasn’t until Yoongi notices their little touches and the way they lean towards each other even when they’re walking, cradling each other’s hands. It wasn’t until he notices the way Jimin leans in to kiss Taehyung’s cheek whenever he seems shaky that Yoongi spirals into the maze of his own confusion that tangles itself, coiling tightly over him until he breaks.
His own palms feel cold against his face even with the hot streaks of tears coming into contact with them. He leans against the headboard and curls closer into himself, sniffling and sobbing alone, with his blanket pooled at his waist.
Hoseok is probably asleep by now on his couch, just a wall away from him. Yoongi doesn’t know how long he’s spent crying, how fast time moves when he’s at his breaking point.
The door to his room clicks open at one point and a dim streak of light fans open wider as Hoseok enters the room. “Hey hyung I’m just checking to see if- wait shit are you okay?”
Yoongi buries his face into his cold hands and thuds his head against the headboard again. He can hear Hoseok’s panicked shuffling footsteps and then warm fingers wrap around his wrists. “Hyung...what’s wrong?”
“I-” Yoongi chokes out. “I d-don’t remember anything.” He can feel the bed dip as Hoseok sits himself down near him. “I don’t know what I am.”
“Oh, hyung…” Hoseok runs his fingers through his hair before pulling him in for a hug.
The warmth that encloses him is almost overwhelming, contrasting the coldness of the room and the depressing world Yoongi has built for himself. He rests his cheek on Hoseok’s warm shoulder and he can feel it trembling a little. He feels a soft little kiss on the side of his head, faint and barely there before Hoseok pulls away to face him. “Let’s talk.”
Things start to click together more as his questions start to receive its answers. Hoseok hugs onto one of Yoongi’s pillows, the dim lamplight highlighting a part of his face, insinuating his features as he explains Yoongi’s life, the people and their roles, and everything else.
“Anyways, that’s pretty much your friends. There might be more that I can’t think of right now but I’ll tell you. What else do you wanna know?” He tilts his head to the side with a little reassuring smile.
He’s pretty . Yoongi thinks.
Oh, wait.
“Tell me about Dawon.” He blurts out.
Hoseok frowns, “...You wanna know about my sister? Why?”
“No reason in particular. I just… she’s pretty.”
Hoseok pauses for a while before he responds. “Uh sure. She has a clothing line and stuff. She's 4 years older than me and we moved to Seoul together.”
“She looks like you.” Yoongi murmurs.
The younger boy ducks his head. “Well, maybe that's because we're siblings. Who knows?” He jokes.
Yoongi's brain doesn't pick up anything else other than that. Nothing seems to register until Hoseok finishes. “Anything else?”
“Well,” Yoongi starts. He wants to know this but his heart is stressing itself out just from the thought of it. He bites his lip and rushes all the words out before he can regret it, “did I ever figure out my sexuality?”
Hoseok’s smile falters slightly, the corners shifting down a little at the question. Yoongi can see the way his hands that are gripping the pillow clench and unclench, teeth worrying the flesh of his lower lip.
That’s an interesting habit, actually - one that he doesn’t remember Hoseok having. It’s similar to Yoongi’s like he’s adopted it from him after time.
Before his thoughts could trail off any further he hears and utter of “Yes.” from Hoseok and his focus shifts to the younger boy again.
Hoseok clears his throat. “Yeah.” He has a tight grip on his pillow. “You uh- you came out to me a few years ago. Told me you were gay.”
“Oh.” Was all Yoongi manages to say, his brain still trying to catch up to the news. “I see. That...that kinda makes sense, actually.”
“Yeah.” Hoseok chuckles, head tilting to rest against the headboard again. “It does.”
“Have I…” Yoongi swipes his tongue across his lips, slowly trying to ease into the situation. “Have I dated anyone?”
Hoseok seems to take longer to answer this; a longer, more overwhelming silence as he stares up at the ceiling as he deliberates before he eventually answers, “Yeah.”
Yoongi’s chest tightens as his heart pounds at his ribcage from that one word. He gingerly waits for a name that never came as Hoseok just stays curled into himself in silence. “Who is he?” he prods.
“He’s-” Hoseok bites his lip again. “He’s a good friend of yours.” He swallows. “He cares about you a lot and- and he’s so affected by what happened to you that he- he just kind of forgot how to function.” Hoseok runs a shaky hand through his hair.
“H-He knows it’s not your fault that you uh- you forgot that we- you’re together which is why it’s just, s-so difficult for him.” The struggle in the delivery is obvious with how hard Hoseok is gripping the pillow.
“Sometimes he blames himself because...because he’s being all sad and concerned with himself when- when you’re the one who’s affected a-and he should be there for you because it’s- it’s so unimaginably difficult to lose so many things at the same time. I- he can’t even begin to imagine how much you’re suffering right now. He-” Hoseok hiccups, pauses to slow down his breathing before finishing, “He cares about you a lot, hyung.”
“Wow, well” Yoongi hums. His jaw starts to ache from crying earlier, the hot tears now cooled on his skin. “Whoever he is, I probably won’t go back to him.”
Hoseok chokes, “Wh- what?”
“You said he cares about me and should be here for me, but I’ve never even had a glimpse of him. It’s been almost a month. I haven’t even seen him at the hospital before, too. Hell, I don’t even know his name.” Yoongi laughs to himself dryly. “Why would I want to go back to that ?” Hoseok gulps. “You don’t have to give me his name. I don’t want it.”
Hoseok takes a sharp inhale, the same way he’d hiss when the school nurse cleans his wounds with stingy alcohol in middle school. “Right. OK.” He nods lamely. “I won’t.”
“It kinda hurts knowing that he’s never been here for me at all.” Yoongi picks at a loose stitch on his pillow before he looks up at Hoseok. “You have, though.”
The face Hoseok makes is quite ambiguous as to what it’s trying to convey. Perhaps it’s not trying to convey anything - not to Yoongi, anyway. Perhaps Hoseok himself doesn’t even know what he’s feeling. Although it shifts back to a soft smile after a while before he speaks, barely lower than a whisper, “Yeah. I have. Always have.”
Hoseok shifts to the edge of the bed and puts the pillow back on the headboard. “Get some sleep, hyung.”
Almost unconsciously, Yoongi reaches to close his fingers around one of Hoseok’s thin wrists. The younger boy freezes and turns back to look at him with a confused look.
“Is it- is it alright if you sleep here tonight?” Yoongi slurs out. “If you think it’s weird then it’s totally cool. I just- it might be better for you if you sleep here instead of on the couch. The bed’s big enough for two anyway.” He doesn’t even know what he’s saying anymore. “Please?”
The first flash of expression that washes over Hoseok is almost pained or perhaps shocked, but it washes over once more into another small smile. “Sure, hyung. If you don’t mind.”
The bed feels warmer that night, and Yoongi falls asleep to a warm presence inches away from him, the shape of his figure highlighted by the streetlights from outside.
He sleeps deeper and so much more peaceful than all the nights before.
△
A week passes by after that, with Hoseok switching between the couch and the bed each night, and Yoongi waking up to either an empty bed or Hoseok’s sitting figure, facing the sheer curtains of light tracing his torso. He sometimes catches himself reaching out for it, but stops himself before he could come into any contact with what seems to be the sun itself. He doesn’t deserve it; the warmth, the comfort, Hoseok - he’s not worthy enough.
Yoongi doesn’t really realize the weight of his thoughts and its implications until he comes home, drenched from the rain to Namjoon and Hoseok. Hoseok rests his feet on Namjoon’s lap as they stare idly at something on the TV that Yoongi’s too occupied with the sight to acknowledge, a pile of unopened takeout resting on the coffee table in front of them.
What he realizes is that it’s not the loneliness that makes him ache and itch at the sight of Namjoon’s gently massaging Hoseok’s calves. It’s not the fact that three years of his life has slipped his mind from some unknown accident that makes him want to push Namjoon off the couch or come home to just Hoseok. He feels out of place, soaked and dripping, a little puddle forming around his feet whereas Hoseok and Namjoon are in their orange little atmosphere of their own, warm and dry on the couch, domestic.
It’s the things that could be that make him ache; just the pure thought of that could’ve been me that’s driving him forward as he steps further into the apartment, childishly letting his footsteps fall heavily so that the two would notice him there.
Namjoon sees him first and pats Hoseok’s foot softly before he pushes himself off the couch. “Your boy- hyung’s here. I’ll leave now.” He murmurs to Hoseok before dropping his voice to a whisper, hushed so that it’s only the two of them who would hear. Hoseok nods lightly to whatever Namjoon said and waves him off. Namjoon gives Yoongi a soft smile and a little nod, “Have a good night, hyung.” before he slips out of the door.
Hoseok sits up to greet Yoongi from the couch and it’s evident the moment he realizes the state he’s in from how drastically his expression changes. “Hyung! Did you forget your umbrella? You’re gonna catch a cold!” He takes Yoongi’s bag from him and shoos him into the bathroom.
The sound of the warm shower hitting the tile floor battles the pattering of the cold rain on the window. Yoongi sighs as he feels the cold wash off his hair and down the drain, the familiar scent he associates with “home” replacing it.
The sounds from outside are more muffled than ever with the two sources of water droplets panging on a surface, but he can hear the faint sounds of murmurings from the TV. Hoseok isn’t talking to Namjoon on the phone, but that’s probably because they’ve already talked enough when they were together just now.
The water suddenly turns cold and Yoongi hisses but makes no move to step away from it. It feels just like when he was outside earlier; cold, numbing, lonely . He blames it on whatever that had happened.
He blames it on whatever had happened that he can’t appreciate the people around him anymore.
He blames it on whatever he did that day that he forgets a prominent part of his identity.
He blames everything on that accident that despite being inside a closed, safe place, he’s still standing in the middle of the rain.
Oh great, another tantrum. Yoongi slams the shower shut and harshly towels away angry tears from his face. He’s throwing a fit simply because of a cold shower.
Hoseok smiles when the bathroom door clicks open as he sets out all the takeout. “You used to love this. Let’s see if your heart still remains unchanged.” He jokes.
Yoongi picks through the meat a little with his chopsticks until he sets the half-empty box down. It’s not terrible, but he definitely doesn’t love it. It’s too plain, maybe it’d do better with more seasoning or maybe salt, but he wouldn’t go out of his way to eat this again.
“Ah, I guess that’s a no?” Hoseok asks sadly. “Joon told me some of your likes and dislikes can change after… you know.”
“Yeah, I think I’ve heard that somewhere before. Weird to be experiencing it myself.” Yoongi frowns at the boxes of food on the table. “You prepared all this for me. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine hyung, it’s not your fault. I’ll eat your share in the morning or something. Do you want something else?”
“I’m not that hungry, I’ll just watch you eat.” Hoseok seems to take particular notice of this statement but doesn’t expand on it.
“Are you sure? I feel bad eating everything by myself.” He tests.
“Yeah, go on. I’ll be full just by watching you eat.” He props an elbow on the coffee table and rests his chin on his hand. Hoseok’s eyes widen at the response, but then grins and digs into his box. “What?”
“That’s freaky.” Hoseok laughs. “You said the exact same thing to me like two years ago!”
Yoongi makes an interested noise. “Did I really? That is freaky.”
Hoseok laughs again, a pleasant little sound. The night continues like that, with little conversations and giggles, some random TV show playing in the background.
“Your hair is still wet, hyung. You’re gonna catch a cold.”
Yoongi scowls. “I’ll be fine.” He strokes the towel against his head a few more times before dropping it back on his shoulders.
“That won’t do.” Hoseok tuts. “Here, let me.”
Yoongi drops his hands to his lap as Hoseok reaches for the towel to start scratching at his scalp. The elder whines every time the younger boy scratches a little too roughly, eliciting a little giggle from him (don’t be a big baby, I’m drying your hair).
And then it hits. It really, truly hits somehow. Yoongi doesn’t even realize when it happened but he’s suddenly struck with the thought that he really does in fact, love Hoseok.
Yoongi loves Hoseok.
In a way that he’s never recalled loving someone before.
It has never been Dawon - it has always been Hoseok.
His heart jumps and springs at the explosion of a revelation in his weary mind and he suddenly doesn’t know what to do. Hoseok is in the middle of talking about something before he pushes the towel off his head and brushes Yoongi’s hair off his forehead, a fond smile playing on his face that does so much in forcing Yoongi to mirror the same expression. He tries his hardest to bite it down but it feels hopeless as of now. He doesn’t know what to do, what to say.
“There you go.” Hoseok chirps, running his fingers through Yoongi’s hair before leaning in to give him a quick peck on the lips.
The smile on his face when he pulls away is beyond fond before his mind seems to catch up with what he has done, and then he
He freezes. His smile instantly drops and he jolts away, backing into a wall, his hands coming up to cover his mouth like he’s done the worst thing humanely possible.
Yoongi’s brain hasn’t managed to process what just happened before it suddenly focuses on the frightened Hoseok. “Seok-”
“Hyung! Hyung, shit, I’m so sorry, oh my god. I- I’m so fucking-” Hoseok groans, breaking off into a sob.
“Seok, hey, it’s okay.” Yoongi scoots forward until Hoseok is just a reach away. “It’s okay. Calm down.” He says, softer this time. He reaches forward to close his fingers around Hoseok’s wrists, pulling them down from his face.
“Hoseok, I…” He trails off, trying his best to calm himself down and get the words out. “I lo- I like you too. Maybe we could try…?”
Hoseok frowns. “Hyung.”
“Hey, we never know!” Yoongi debates. “Yes, maybe it’ll go wrong because I’ve known you since you had those dumb braces and we saw each other naked but you’ve said it before you’ve always been here for me and I just-”
“Hyung,” Hoseok raises his voice and Yoongi’s mouth clamp shut. The younger boy closes his eyes and breathes in languidly before he opens them again. He looks Yoongi directly in the eye when he says, “Yoongi, I am your boyfriend.”
Yoongi doesn’t even realize he’s gaping until Hoseok pushes his chin up to clamp his mouth shut again with a laugh. “Come again?”
“We’ve been dating for almost three years, hyung.” Hoseok reaches to caress Yoongi’s cheek, gentle but firm. "That kiss... everything felt like how it used to be so I got carried away."
“We- seriously? No way.”
“Yes way.” Hoseok laughs.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Hoseok’s expression fades a little but the smile doesn’t drop completely. He stares down at his own lap as he answers, “We had a fight a little before- before it happened. I don’t even remember what it was about, it was stupid, but you got really upset about it.” He swallows. “So when you forgot that we’re together - that you’re gay, even, I didn’t want to just suddenly blow it all up in your face. It’s something you should’ve discovered yourself, you know?” Yoongi nods in understanding. “But you asked about it, which is probably better anyway.”
“I called you a shit boyfriend,” Yoongi recalls bitterly. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright. You didn’t know it was me.” Hoseok chuckles. “It’s fine.”
Yoongi suddenly recalls that night, with Hoseok near tears talking about some boyfriend who’s suffering from something Yoongi experienced. “Oh, Hoseok-ah…”
Hoseok laughs again but this time it sounds pained. “Really, hyung, I’m fine.” His right hand is still cupping Yoongi’s cheek. “You’ve got a lot better recently and it just makes me really glad to see you back again. Don’t worry about me.” His hand drops down to Yoongi’s shoulder before sliding down his arm and back into his own lap.
Yoongi pushes all his doubt away and reachers over to caress Hoseok’s cheek. The younger boy doesn’t even flinch, just smiles even wider. His hand trails to the back of his neck and he leans forward until their lips meet again, properly.
It feels new - so new, yet it doesn’t feel odd or unusual at all. The way Hoseok nuzzles in closer every time Yoongi pulls away tugs at his heart, as if he’s been missing this all too much that he wouldn’t miss a single touch, not even if some irrational scenario were to occur like everything around them falling apart… Which is what it really felt like when Hoseok received the news through a phone call from a very panicked Namjoon and the coursing adrenaline on the taxi ride to the hospital.
Everything really felt like it was falling apart around Hoseok but he later came to his senses that Yoongi is still here. Maybe his boyfriend hasn’t caught up yet, but the boy he fell in love with is right here.
Everything can fall apart, but Yoongi would still be right here, kissing him.
They eventually pull apart, and for a minute or more, Yoongi just slumps into Hoseok, arms wrapping around him and lets the rest of the world flow past just like that. Both of them don’t say a word to each other, for a minute or more, they just feel.
“I have something to confess.” Yoongi mumbles into Hoseok’s neck.
Hoseok is still carding his hands through Yoongi’s now dry hair and hums, “What is it?”
“When I first came home.” He starts, a helpless smile curving up at the thought of this place, home. “I didn’t remember I was gay and I- I really thought I had a crush on your sister.” He grins wider when he feels Hoseok starting to shake with laughter. “But then I realized that it was only because she looks like you.” Yoongi starts to break into a laugh when Hoseok fails to hold in his giggles any longer, muffling it into Yoongi’s shoulder, hands shakily clutching Yoongi’s back.
“That’s crazy,” Hoseok utters out between his fits of giggles. “You’re ridiculous! I can’t believe you- my sister!”
“Shut up.” Yoongi pokes Hoseok in the sides until he squirms. “Not my fault that my boyfriend’s got premium fucking genes.”
The night continues as normal but with a movie and a few little kisses here and there. It had stopped raining and is properly dark outside by the time Yoongi glances away from the TV screen to scan around the room, coming to a stop at the boy sitting next to him.
The neon colors from the TV screen paint his features with streaks of pink and blue, swaying and flashing little shapes on his cheekbones and down the slope of his nose. He’s only just a reach away.
And so Yoongi reaches to trace that nose bridge with the tip of his index finger, from the temple down to the pointed tip. Hoseok flinches but makes no move to pull away from the touch.
His hand wanders to comb through the boy’s hair, taking in the way his eyes flutter at the touch, before moving to brush his ear and cup that side of his face, a thumb tracing the protruding cheekbone.
Hoseok smiles and leans into the touch as he turns to face Yoongi. The flecks in his eyes reminiscent of something new yet familiar, like stars and constellations that have been here and existing before humans even learned about stargazing, like deep oceans that rest on the earth long before new lands rise through the water’s surface. Yoongi feels this mix of excitement from the new little details he has rediscovered and the calm familiar warmth that his body has long encoded as ‘home’.
Hoseok lets his eyelashes flutter a little longer before he teases, “Need something?”
“C’mere and kiss me.” Yoongi breathes. He brings up his right hand to cup the back of Hoseok’s neck and pulls him closer and closer until there’s no longer space between them; no misunderstandings, no confusion, no rip in time to keep them apart.
Hoseok complies all too easily, allowing himself to be pulled closer.
It’s really too easy, too simple, touching Hoseok, reaching for him, kissing him, like an instinct that he’s never learned about before, something his mind is still trying to rediscover but his body had already become a master at the sense.
Hoseok’s arms loop around Yoongi’s neck as Yoongi pushes further, closer, until Hoseok is lying fully on his back on his side of the couch.
Now, this is a view. It’s enchanting - encapsulating , to be looking down at what the world has gifted him with. Hoseok’s hair fans out onto the armrest like a halo and the hold on the back of Yoongi’s neck is firm. He spreads his legs wider so the elder can shift closer, close enough for the only barrier keeping them from each other is Yoongi’s elbow holding himself up.
“Is this,” Yoongi murmurs, “is this okay?”
Hoseok smiles, “Of course.” His hand slides down to cup Yoongi's cheeks as he shifts himself up to his ear, lips grazing the shell, “I'm yours, hyung.” He whispers. “Always have been.”
It's a terrible curse, the greatest punishment the world can give for Yoongi to forget the feeling of Hoseok's lips and his warmth and the intimacy - everything.
With every kiss, Hoseok pours in a little more feeling, a little more love until Yoongi's hooked and he's overflowing. Even in the dim lamplight of the bedroom, Hoseok still glows in a way that it seems like the stars have crafted him, his smile almost blinding in the dark, under the sheets. Yoongi just has to open his arms a little and he comes snuggling in languidly.
With Hoseok's cheek against his chest, Yoongi can smell their shampoo and the faint little droplet that can only be described as Hoseok. He presses a kiss there mindlessly, letting all his senses focus on the boy in his arms.
How lucky he is to have the world and the stars and the sun itself in his arms. How lucky he is to have it stay even after he's opened so many doors, giving them every chance to leave. How lucky he is to have met someone as loving and ethereal as Hoseok.
“I love you.” A faint little whisper wades into the midst of the silence.
Hoseok, who Yoongi had assumed to have fallen asleep long ago immediately lifts his head up to face him, eyes wide with some kind of unusual shock.
“Say that again,” Hoseok utters out, strained yet almost desperate. “Please.”
Yoongi can feel the heat rising up to his cheek but he smiles, running his fingers through the younger boy's hair. He repeats himself, clearer this time, “I love you, Hoseok.”
Hoseok breaks down into tears.
Immediately, Yoongi panics. “Wait wha- what's wrong?” He pushes the hair from Hoseok's forehead and thumbs away the little tear tracks on his cheek.
“No, I just-” Hoseok sniffles, bringing up a hand to wipe his nose. “It's just been so long since I've heard it. Yeah.”
Yoongi remembers those nights where he’d catch Hoseok wiping his eyes and pretending that nothing is wrong when he’s standing on a breaking dam and his heart sinks painfully. He smiles though, as he nuzzles in closer. “Well get ready to hear it a thousand more times.”
He kisses Hoseok’s trembling bottom lip. “I love you.” He moves on to kiss the tip of his nose “I love you.” several on each cheek. “I love you.” His eyelids “I love you.” repeating on every part of Hoseok’s face until he giggles and squirms, hitting Yoongi’s shoulders lightly.
“Hyung, I got that the first time round.” Hoseok laughs, a red flush spread across his cheek as he grips onto Yoongi’s shoulders.
Yoongi, drowned in the bliss, ducks his head with a little murmur, “Would be nice to hear it back.”
Hoseok smiles even wider at that. He pushes Yoongi down as he rolls on top, pushing the tip of his index finger against Yoongi’s mouth before the elder could push up to kiss him again. He taps on his lips on every syllable of his words, “I. Love. You.”
“I’m sorry, what was that?” Yoongi jokes.
Hoseok laughs again, head ducking down before looking back at Yoongi again, “I love you.”
“Hm, could you repeat that? I don’t think I heard that right.”
“Okay, that’s it.” Hoseok pushes himself up, sitting on Yoongi’s lap, his face out of reach. “You’re gonna have to keep wondering.”
“Oh no come on- Seokseok-ah.” Yoongi grabs Hoseok’s forearms and pulls, struggling when Hoseok starts to fight, fits of giggles bubbling up from his chest. “Seokie. ”
He reaches to cup the back of Hoseok’s neck and the younger boy eventually gives in, letting himself be pulled down until their foreheads touch and they’re nose to nose.
“Loud and clear this time.” Yoongi murmurs.
Hoseok smiles again, bright and wide and warm before he shifts to Yoongi’s right ear and projects.
“I love you, Min Yoongi.” He shifts back up to look at him again. “Always have.”
△
“I think you’ll just need to go review these tools a bit more and you’ll get right back on track.” Namjoon smiles as he shuts his laptop after saving all the files, stuffing his phone back into his pocket.
“Right. I’ll do that.” Yoongi mumbles as he scans around the small workspace. It made him feel slightly better when Namjoon told him that his taste in music hasn’t changed, and even helped guide him through the procedures of music composition that he seems to have forgotten completely. He has a lot to catch up on but the younger boy seems happy to assist him. He stares mindlessly as Namjoon shrugs his coat on, bending down suddenly and feeling around for something under his desk, probably a book he’s dropped earlier. “One more thing, Namjoon.” Yoongi calls.
The younger boy jumps at the mention of his name and springs up, spinning around in his heels, “Yes hyung?”
“I don’t remember much, but you were there at the hospital too, right?”
Namjoon chuckles, “Yeah. I’m uh- I’m the one who got you to the hospital.” He scratches the back of his head shyly. “It was crazy, you woke up and started shouting and kicking. I guess you didn’t know where you were or who you are so you just got scared and panicked.”
Yoongi’s eyes wander to the spot where the bruise used to be, now long gone after months. “The bruise from back then, was that…”
“Ah, yeah.” Namjoon nods, laughing almost fondly at the memory. “I tried to calm you down but you were really putting up a fight. Elbowed me in the face.”
Yoongi’s gut sink. “Shit, sorry…”
“No worries, hyung.” Namjoon waves him off “You didn’t know what was happening. Besides, it’s been months. I’m alright.”
“Still I-” Yoongi pauses to put his words together. “Actually, I initially thought you and Hoseok were together.”
Namjoon lifts his head at that, “What?”
“You were always with him and I guess I got jealous. It made me realize my feelings for him and all that.” Yoongi pushes himself up from his rolling chair. “And I know now that the incident affected Hoseok a lot too, and while he was busy trying to get my shit together, he needed someone to be there for him when I couldn’t. And you were there.”
The younger boy smiles fondly, ducking his head.
“I guess I just wanna say thank you for taking care of Hoseok for god knows how long.” Namjoon laughs. “And for putting up with me, too. Thanks.”
“You’re my friend too, hyung,” Namjoon says, opening the door to the hallway. “Both of you are.”
Things start to make more sense now that it has completely gone back to normal - or as normal as it possibly can, now that he’s gone back to work and he’s no longer awkward around his friends. Most importantly, Hoseok is back and everything just seems to click together. The shared bed, the shared closet, all the domestic things in the apartment that hints at a more interpersonal relationship that the scared and panicked Yoongi from a few months ago seems to have glossed over.
Yoongi unlocks the door to his apartment with a soft click and Hoseok is inside, reading through something on his phone, his eyebrows tied into a little knot and his mouth jutting out into a pout. His expression visibly brightens when he turns to see Yoongi at the door and he springs up from where he’s sitting to come kiss him hello. “Everything at work alright?”
“Mm.” Yoongi rubs his nose against Hoseok’s “I’m still trying to get back into it.”
“I’m sure you’re doing great.” Hoseok pulls away to pick up Yoongi’s shoes and put them on the rack. Yoongi knows he needs to stop doing that, but Hoseok hasn’t complained yet.
It’s all awfully domestic and almost too fast, considering the fact that Yoongi has no recollection of being in a relationship with Hoseok and now he’s welcomed home by a kiss at the door every day, but it feels right to be where they are now, to Yoongi. He wouldn’t have it any faster or slower.
He likes it - the smell of home and Hoseok, the way he shuffles further down the hall, turning simply to the little call of his name, “Hoseok-ah.”
The younger boy cocks his head, waiting for the message, smiling all too brightly when he hears it, “I love you.”
Yoongi’s caught up to him at the living room, standing inches away. Hoseok reaches up to loop his arms around Yoongi’s neck, resting on his shoulders. “You know, I was really worried about you when it had happened. Obviously.” Yoongi nods. “But I also was a little selfish.”
Yoongi brings his hands to rest on Hoseok’s waist, “How so?”
“I was really worried that-” Hoseok ducks his head, laughing softly to himself. “I really wondered if you could love me again.”
Hoseok lifts his head up to face him again. His dear sunshine; his sweet, beautiful little warmth.
“Oh trust me, love.” Yoongi smiles, “I can fall in love with you again and again.” It’s endearing how Hoseok tries to bite back a smile of his own at the remark. “Now say it back.”
Hoseok laughs again, burying it into the crook of Yoongi’s neck before straightening himself again. “I love you, idiot.”
“Always have?”
“Always will.”