Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Thank you for purchasing PL600. Do you have a name for it?”
“My daughter has one. Simon.”
“My name is Simon.”

Simon lies down on his bottom bunk, as he stares at a necklace in his hand. “Hey, I’ve heard you sighed constantly for the last twenty minutes. Are you okay, Simon?” Markus’ head suddenly pops out from the upper bunk. “Sorry, I thought you were asleep. Honestly, I don’t know,” Simon says weakly as he pockets the necklace back in its place. Markus jumps down from his bed and sits on Simon’s. “You do know that you can share anything with me, right?” Markus pats Simon’s shoulder. Not knowing how to start, the story goes out from Simon slowly.

(Simon’s POV)
I remembered the day I was brought into the Zion family. I saw their house for the first time, and I was rather shocked. It wasn’t really a house, it was more like a mansion. “Your job, manage the house, cook food, and take care of our daughter, Adeline. You can call her Addie,” The father said. “Yes, David,” I obeyed and started to work. From the corner of my eye, I could see a little girl hid nervously behind her mother. I fell in love with her from the first sight.

“Wait, wait, wait. You’ve already shown signs of deviancy since day one?” Markus’ eyes go wide. “I think so, yeah,” Simon shrugs as he continues his story.

I knocked Addie’s door room, because she was my biggest responsibility. “Good evening, Addie. Do you have a request for your dinner?” I asked her politely. She stared at me from the top of my head to my feet, and then she did the unexpected. She hugged my leg at first, but then I kneeled down and she wrapped her little arms on my neck. I was so dumbfounded, so I hugged her back. “I just want you to hang out with me, you can worry about dinner later.”

Addie was the one who taught me a lot of things. She taught me about these feelings I felt, she taught me how to dance, and most importantly, she taught me how to play ‘Simon Says’. “I think it’s okay for you to have feelings, cause all I’ve ever needed is a friend. It’ll make you become.. human,” She said once.

Being the only daughter of rich parents, Addie was forced to live with loneliness due to both of her parents were too busy working. They barely have time to care for their daughter. Even though she had me, I thought it wasn’t enough for her. I tried everything to cheer her up, to make her happy, but the emptiness was still in there, inside of her.

After months of taking care of her, I felt like she was my little sister, someone that I should protect with all of me, with my life. I promised to her parents that she would always be fine. But apparently I couldn’t fulfill what I said.

I remembered when she was in second grade, there was an event where every student have to invite of their parents to attend their children’s talent show. The night before the day, Addie shown the invitation to her parents, but they just tossed it to me after she slept next to me. And so I did come to the event. I couldn’t forget how she looked at me when I arrived at her class. Disappointment was clearly painted on her face, and a feeling struck me hard. Later on, I knew that it was sorrow. When she came home from school, she couldn’t stop crying about how disappointed she was of her parents. I barged into her room, and I pulled her into a deep hug. She was struggling at first, but then she calmed down a little bit.

“Until the end? But you’re here right now!” Markus exclaims. “Markus, let me finish,” Simon sighs before he continues again.

Hanging out with only me didn’t make Addie grow up into a nice girl like her parents expected. She grew up into a troubled teenager. Not fully become a deviant made it hard for me to interact with her with those mood swings. She also fought with her parents a lot. She blamed them for everything.

I was still trying to stay with her, but she pushed me away. Until one day, she was suddenly clinging onto me. She apologized for everything she did to me, she said she didn’t mean to push me away. I wasn’t aware that she had some issues at the time, by the time I realized, I did the wrong thing.

Turned out, Addie was a bully victim in her school, because she was the only girl in school with red hair and heterochromia. I told her that what she had was a beautiful thing. I pulled her into a hug, and I kissed her forehead. She rested her head on my shoulder and sobbed quietly. “Everything will be alright, Addie. The world doesn’t like those who are different, but I do. Whatever happens next, you will always have me,” I said as I hugged her tighter.

“Oh my, that’s so sweet, Simon! I wondered why you didn’t succeed at dating Markus’ sister,” North suddenly appears as she wipes a fake tear. “North, mind your own business!” Markus glares at her. Simon rolls his eyes and just keeps going.

In high school years, Addie became depressed because of school and her friends, and got more depressed each day passed. She shared her feelings with me, but I was just a good listener. Being a counselor was not a part of my program, but I should’ve learned it, for her sake. She asked me about what she should do, so I suggested her to talk to her mother, maybe she knew what was best for her daughter. Instead, she told her to “deal with it”.

Addie nearly cried every day, she saw her life as a failure. I had to stay at her room every night, putting her on my lap and rocking her back and forth, just so she could sleep. “I don’t know how my life would be without you, Simon,” She said as she wrapped her arms on my neck.

One night, she asked me to do the usual thing, and so I did. One thing I didn’t find out was the fact that she had swallowed too many red ice capsules. I put her in my lap as usual, but before she closed her eyes, she kissed my cheek and said good night, as well as gratitude to me. “I couldn’t ask for anything better. You gave me everything I needed, Simon. Deep from my heart, I gotta say I love you, and thank you.” I didn’t understand what she meant until I saw an empty bottle of the drug an hour later. I scanned her body condition, and she was already gone. I was too late.

I felt this enormous feeling of sadness in my chest, and it suffocated me. I cried and kept screaming her name, wishing for my first love to come back to me. It was the first and the only time when my wish didn’t come true, and also the time where I fully became a deviant. After losing her, I felt scared to die, but losing other people that meant a lot to me scared me more.

I realized that staying there while holding soulless Addie wouldn’t look good to her parents. I carefully took off her dogtag necklace as something to remind me of my failure at fulfilling my mission, which was protecting my little sister. She wrote my name in there, and yet I failed her. I flee from the mansion and went here.

I hid in this ship for about a month, and I named it Jericho. Being the founder and former leader of this deviant group doesn’t make me feeling less guilty for not realizing sooner. If only I knew, she would still be out there.

Simon wipes his tears as he finishes his story. Markus looks at him with sympathy, he places a hand on Simon’s knee and says, “Simon, there are some things that are meant to happen. No matter how hard you tried to avoid or run from it, sometimes it was just have to happen. Addie’s death wasn’t your fault.” Simon goes quiet for a while, he thinks about what Markus said. “I know it wasn’t my fault, but it still hurts. I.. I miss her so much,” He covers his mouth with his right hand as the tears drops again. “I know, buddy. I know that feeling,” Markus pulls Simon into a hug, stroking his best friend’s back over and over. After he calms down, Simon whispers to his friend about how grateful he is to have someone to rely on by his side.